All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S14E11.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH-ing

I can't believe I'm doing

math homework on a Saturday.

I should be enjoying my
precious childhood right now.

Yeah, you should be toiling
away in your family's restaurant,

- like us.
- Yeah Gene, hurry up and finish your homework,

- so you can get in on this.
- Dang it.

I think I need help.

- From someone here?
- Four!

Or maybe you just
need encouragement?

- You can do it, Gene.
- What's the question?

It's a percentage thing,
but there's a lot of retail talk.

It says, "A hat salesman
named Peter sells two hats

every 20 minutes for $29 each."

Wait, I need to write this
down. Um, two hats, 20 minutes.

"And the store is open from
10:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m.,

"but on Wednesdays, he sells

- eight times the amount of hats."
- Wednesday...

-"What percentage of weekly hat
sales" -Um, eight times the amount

- "does Peter make on a Tuesday?"
- of hats...

God. What
do you have so far?

I just wrote down
"Peter divided by hats."

I don't think the answer
is Peter divided by hats.

- Hats divided by Peter?
- Um, hang on.

Let's see if we
can figure this out.

Um, I-I was... really
bad at math in school.

But you're good at it now?

Teddy's calling.

I will of course,
be able to help you

after I talk to Teddy, but maybe

your mom or Tina
can get you started.

Bye.

Okay, what kind of hats
are we talking about?

- Hey, Teddy.
- Bob, calm down. Everything is fine.

- What?
- I'm gonna be okay, Bob.

We're-we're gonna
get through this.

Teddy, Teddy, what's going on?

I'm-I'm kind of
stuck, in a place.

- You're stuck? Where?
- Underground.

What? Do you
need me to call 911?

No. I-I just need you to maybe

come and get me out of here

so I can finish the
job I'm working on.

Me get you out?
G-Get you out of where?

I'm stuck inside a safe
in a survival bunker.

Teddy, everything
you're saying sounds crazy

and like I should probably
definitely call for help.

No! Don't do that.
If this job goes well,

I could become this
guy's go-to handyperson.

But right now, it's-it's
not going that well.

- Because you're stuck in a safe?
- Because I'm stuck in a safe.

I'm so sorry to ask, I-I'm
sure you're medium-busy

with whatever you do, but

-if you could just come and let me
out, that would be, -Wait a minute,

- what-what do you mean whatever I do?
- Well,

I know sometimes you
stand around the kitchen

and you're not doing anything,

-you're just kind of staring
off... -Well, that's not the...

Well, look, let's focus on
what's going on with y...

I'm not saying
you're doing that now,

- I'm just saying, sometimes...
- Okay, Teddy, where are you?

That's the thing. I-I

- don't really know.
- What do you mean?

Well, I drove out
to a parking lot

next to a gas station on
Main Street in Oakville,

then I got into his truck

and then he blindfolded
me on the way here.

- He blindfolded you?
- Yeah.

Teddy, who is this guy?

Gerald. He hired me to build

a false wall in the back
of his safe in his bunker,

so when you open
the safe, it looks empty.

And then you open a
secret door in the back,

and that's where he can hide

his vintage candy
dispenser collection.

He doesn't trust his mom,
but they love each other.

- Long story.
- Okay.

Last week, he hired me to
do a job at his other house,

his place in town, but it
turns out it was a loyalty test.

A loyalty test?

He said he wanted new hardware

on his drawers in his kitchen.

So, I go to his place,
walks me into his kitchen,

and then he says he
has to head out for a bit.

I open up the first drawer
to start working on it,

and there's a
sandwich sitting in there.

There was a sandwich
in the drawer?

Yeah. I really want
to eat it, but I don't.

Then I open the second drawer

and there's a piece
of cake in there,

- but I don't eat that either.
- Yup.

I open the last drawer,

and it's stuffed with cash.

- Um, I...
- Anyway,

I didn't take any of the money.

And I guess he did this
to, like, two guys before me,

and they ate the
sandwich, like, right away,

and then finished off the cake
and they took some of the cash.

So they failed the test.

I-I don't understand
just eating a sandwich

you find in a drawer.

It's a free roast
beef sandwich, Bob.

- But it was in a drawer.
- I... -Bob, please.

This guy is pretty rich.
It'd be nice to work for him.

But he can't know
that I got myself stuck.

I'll-I'll get fired.

He said he'd be back in a
few hours to check on me.

Wait, how-how did you get stuck?

Did you lock yourself inside?

Well, you can't really
lock yourself inside.

There's a release, but I
accidentally discovered

a different way to get stuck.

See, I brought down a bunch of
heavy sheet metal, a sheet-load.

-They sell them in sheet-loads.

And I bought a little too much

'cause I wanted to
be prepared. Anyway,

the extra sheet metal
was leaning against a chair,

but I guess it was
a rocking chair,

and the sheet metal must
have toppled over, and now

it's pinning the door
closed real good.

Like, real good. I-I gave
it everything I had, Bob.

I almost threw my shoulder out.

It is not budging.

And you're sure your
phone can't just, like,

tell us where you are?

Gerald made me
erase all my map apps

and a-a bunch of other
apps before I came here.

Can you download them again?

I tried. Nothing will download.

I'm lucky I have enough
signal to get through to you.

So you just have to somehow find me,

move the sheet metal, and
then I can get out of here.

Teddy, I feel like anybody
would be better at this than me.

No, Bob, you're-you're
the guy for this.

- You're the smartest guy I know.
- Teddy, I couldn't even

help my 11-year-old
with his homework.

Gene was doing
homework? That's new.

Please can-can
we just call a, like,

a pr-a professional
person... getter-outer?

911 people? They-they
do this kind of thing.

- I don't.
- No, no, no, no, no.

It has to be you, Bob.

I need this Gerald
connection. We're not all

economically
comfortable like you are.

Teddy, I'm not... Okay.

- All right, I'll-I'll try.
- You will?

Thank you, Bob.
Thank you so much.

Also, I should tell
you that my phone

is almost out of battery life.

- What?!
- Yeah.

Why'd you tell me
the whole long story

about the sandwich in the drawer

if you're running out
of battery in a safe?

- Context.
- Okay, just hang up.

I'm gonna tell my family

about this very normal
thing I'm about to do.

- You're listening.
- And I'm coming with you.

I have a certain set
of skills. I will find him.

Yeah, I want to help
rescue Teddy from a safe.

Me too. And after we save him,

we can all go out for dumplings.

No, wait... fudge.

Kids, it's nice you
want to come, but,

I don't think this is even
really safe for me to do.

I can't bring
you. I-I'm sorry.

That is ridiculous.

We never get to rescue
anyone from inside a safe.

Bob, did you say goodbye?

- I couldn't hear you.
- Teddy, hang up.

Yup. Sorry. Hanging
up. Miss you.

See you soon. Got to go.

Okay, Teddy, I'm
here. I'm at the lot.

I-I see your truck.

This still seems
like a terrible idea,

but if I'm gonna have
any chance of finding you,

you need to tell me
everything you remember

about your drive with Gerald.

And talk fast 'cause I don't
know how much battery

you have left.

Like, 20%? No, wait, 15%.

That's not as good as 20%.

- See how smart you are, Bob?
- Just talk, Teddy.

So, I got in his truck

and he blindfolded me,

and not in a scary way. I-I
mean, I was a little scared,

but it's fine. I'm fine.

Do you remember
which way you turned out

of the parking lot?

I'm pretty sure we made a right.

All right. What else?

Let's see,

he was listening
to the radio. Oldies.

That song "Judy in
Disguise" came on

as we pulled out
of the parking lot,

and he was kind of singing
along. You know that song?

I don't. Keep going,

but try to say
more helpful things.

- Not about music.
- Right. I think we were on

a normal road at the
beginning 'cause it was smooth.

- You know, like a road.
- Okay.

Yeah, but then,

I think we turned right again,

and it got really bumpy,

and the chorus of
the song came on,

and it made Gerald's
voice sound crazy.

It-it doesn't have to be
about that song at all.

At some point, Gerald put on

this really nice aftershave.

While he was driving?

Yeah, he must've
opened a bottle of it

and splashed it on his face.

Okay. That's odd.

Well, whatever it
was, all of a sudden,

the inside of the truck
smelled incredible.

And then, like, right
after the aftershave,

he parked, and then he

let me out of the truck,

and he walked me through a yard

to a staircase and
down into the bunker.

Okay, so you turned
right and then right again

and then Gerald was
singing "Judy in Disguise."

- Yup.
- And then he put on aftershave.

- Yeah.
- Okay, great.

- Wait!
- What?

What-what if I
download that song

and start driving and when
they sing the glasses part,

I look for a bumpy
road on the right

and turn onto it?

Unbelievable.
That's so smart.

The song will be
like a road map.

So the song turns out to
be pretty helpful information.

You made it
sound like it wasn't.

Sorry, yes, it was
helpful information.

Okay. I'm gonna
download the song.

I-I think my phone does that.

And then and then
I'll call you right back.

Okay, I'm gonna
download it, too.

I-I want to listen to it.

Damn, I can't do
that. Not enough bars.

- I'm down to nine percent, Bobby.
- Okay, hang up.

- Y-You have to save your battery.
- Right, right,

but do you want
me to stay on the line

and walk you through
the download process?

No, Teddy. Hang up.

You just seemed nervous
about the downloading.

Hang
the... up, Teddy.

What? You're breaking up.

Bob? Bob?

Bob? You're gone.

Good thing I'm
not claustrophobic.

Or am I?

I just realized I'm
claustrophobic.

Aah! I'm claustrophobic!

Okay, I'm stopping with
the math. I'm angry at it

and I think I'm gonna give it
the silent treatment for a while

and see if that works.

Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers.

- Good, you're not busy.
- That's our slogan.

Hang on a second.
They're wide open in here!

- -Yeah!
- We just won

the Over-40 Co-ed Rec
League Basketball tournament.

- Yeah, we did!
- Right on, right on.

We're celebrating
and we're starving.

Over 40 and still
sporty. I love it.

Take some menus. Sit anywhere.

- I'll get some fries, maybe.
- Yeah. -

Um, quick family meeting
in the kitchen, please?

I think the stars are aligning.

Dad is gone. Seven
hungry customers walk in.

I think the day
has finally come.

- We pick a new lover for Mom?
- No.

- Boo.
- We sell them on the greatest,

biggest, most exciting
form of group celebration:

the Beef-hemoth.

- My God. Yes.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Boy.

- The Beef-hemoth!
- Yes!

Aka Beef-alo Bill.

Aka the Patty the
Size of Cincinnati.

Whatever you call it,
it's the burger that breaks

the world record for
biggest burger ever.

What do you say? Should we
make some dreams come true?

Your dad never loved that dream.

- Because he's a hater.
- And probably so jealous.

Also, I don't think
you're gonna break

the world record.
Just looking up...

Yup. You're not gonna
break the world record.

- Another hater.
- Stop that.

And nobody's gonna
be able to finish it.

It's too much
food. It's wasteful.

I've never heard
of too much food.

We promise, none
of it will go to waste.

How do we even charge
for this kind of thing?

- We're gonna lose money on it.
- Isn't that what we normally do?

Kind of. What
about the giant bun?

Mom, we've already
thought this through.

The bakery around the
corner has a huge loaf of bread

that they always put
in the window display.

It'll be perfect. So, if
they want to order it,

can we make it?

- Please?
- Please!

- Please, please, please.
- Say yes!

Okay, fine.

- Yay! -Yes!
- Yes!

Beef...

- Calm down, calm down.
- Hemoth.

So, what do you say?

Can we put you down
for the Beef-hemoth?

- Let's do it! -Yeah!
- Damn straight!

- Great.
- But this isn't like the thing

where, if you finish
it, you get it for free.

- You just have to finish it.
- Or our daddy will be angry.

And you do not want our daddy
to be angry. It's very awkward.

His face gets red.

Damn it.

Wait.

- Hello? Hang on.
- Hello?

- Hi.
- Are you at the dirt road?

No. Sorry. I-I just
got it downloaded.

I've never downloaded
anything on my phone before.

- I think it was surprised.
- Play it.

I should hang up because
of your battery, Teddy.

No, Bob. Try it, please.

I need the human
connection right now.

I might be having
a panic attack.

I can't tell 'cause I've
never had one before

- or I'm always having one.
- Okay, okay.

I-I'll try. All right,
putting you on speakerphone.

I am...

pulling out of the
lot and pressing play.

It's a toe-tapper, right?

I can't really focus
on that right now.

No, no, no!

A tractor just pulled
out in front of me.

- I-I got to slow way down.
- What?

Bob, no! The "with glasses" part

is gonna come on and you
won't know where to turn.

- Teddy, I know.
- Can you pass it?

No. There are cars coming
the other way that will hit me,

- and I-I won't like that.
- Well, try honking.

I don't like honking at people.

Just give the horn
a little friendly tap.

Fine.

Bob, don't pound on it.

I barely touched it.

Wait, he's pulling over. Yes!

Thank you. Sorry.
Cool tractor.

Bob, you got to speed up.
You got to make up for lost time.

Okay, Teddy. "With glasses."

He just said, "with
glasses." Gosh.

I don't know if this
plan is gonna work now.

I see a right turn ahead.

- D-Do you think that's it?
- I'm in a bunker, Bob.

- I don't know.
- It-It's a dirt road.

- L-Like you said.
- Take it!

Yeah. Bumpy road.

- You did it. You did it.
- Yes!

That's too
bumpy. Slowing down.

- No.
- What?

No, no, no, no, no.

What? What? Wh-What is it?

Teddy, the road splits

into three different roads.

How do I know where to go?

I don't know how to choose.

You know what
you do... You just...

Teddy? Teddy?

No. My God. Did
your phone run out of batteries?

Teddy?

Come on, which
road did you take, Teddy?

Maybe I can get out

and look for fresh tire tracks?

Nope. That's not
something I know how to do.

This just looks like dirt.

It's so big.

It's so much meat in one place.

I think it has its own
gravitational pull.

- Are we orbiting it?
- I feel it.

Listen, kids, I like
the Beefy Moth.

Beef-hemoth, Mom. Beef-hemoth.

Yeah, sure, sure. It's just,
how are we gonna flip it?

- We haven't worked that part out yet.
- What?

Well, how do you flip Dad?
We'll just go from there.

Speaking of your
Dad, he's calling. Hey.

How's the rescue mission going?

Well, Teddy's phone battery died

and I have no idea where to go.

- No.
- Why did Teddy think I could do this?

- 'Cause you can. I know you can.
- But what if I can't?

Well, don't say that.
That's not gonna help.

That thought's gonna crowd
out all the smart thoughts

you're about to have.
Say something smart.

Like... Um, how would
you flip a giant burger?

God. They didn't make
the giant burger, did they?

Who would agree to eat that?

An over-40 co-ed
basketball team.

They're excited about it.

Seriously? A truck's coming.

- I should ask them something.
- Wait, Bob,

-we have to flip the
burger, -Okay, good luck.

-but we don't know what
we're gonna... -I'll call you back.

- Okay. Bye.
- Well,

was father very,
very proud of us?

Or very, very, very proud of us?

Hey. Hey! Excuse me.

You all right there?

Yeah. I'm-I'm just trying

to find a-a friend, though.

Well, I'm flattered, but...

Sorry. I mean, I'm-I'm
looking for a friend.

He... His phone died,

but he-he's up one
of these roads, so...

Well, I didn't see anyone.

Are-are there
houses up that way?

Yeah. Does your
friend live in a house?

No. He's,
doing some work in one,

or near one.

Okay, well, good luck.

Aftershave.

Wait. Wait. Stop.

I thought we were done talking.

Sorry. I smell aftershave.
Is that-is that you?

Well, kind of.

It's witch hazel. It
grows up the road,

and it blooms in the winter.

Is-is witch-hazel
used in aftershave?

Yeah.

My God. That's it.

That-That's the smell.

So Gerald lives next to a field

of witch hazel.

Okay. Sure.

Does it grow anywhere
else around here?

Um... Well, not that I know of.

- Just back up there.
- Yes! Thanks.

You're really
excited about this.

I am. Y-You just
helped me out a lot.

Thank you, guy in truck.

Sorry, I-I didn't get your name.

You don't need to know my name.

I'm just gonna drive
away from you now.

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay, this is it.

This is why you
gave birth to us, Mom.

We're about to use two baking sheets

and four spatulas to try
to flip what I'm assuming

is 100 to 1,000 pounds of beef.

Some of us might not make it.

My.

But just know this
burger will be our legacy.

Why do Mom and
Tina get safety goggles?

They're just our glasses.

You lucky nerds.

All right, let's make history.

We flip on three.

One, two,

three!

All right! -

It's like what we do every day,

but for some
reason it's fun now.

'Cause it's big.

How's it going in there?

We moving along?

Great. It-It's going great.

We're pretty hungry.
Like, really hungry.

We're not sad about
how long it's taking,

but we are sad that
we don't have food.

It's gonna be out real soon.

- Too soon.
- Crap, the bun!

Mom, money. I'll
go to the bakery

- and get the giant loaf.
- Okay.

Is that a euphemism? Sorry.

Basketball players,

you're-you're gonna be so
happy in just a few moments.

- We are almost there.
- Hi. Hi. Sorry, bye.

Come on, witch hazel.

Wait, I think I smell it.

Ooh, I
definitely smell it. Ha!

There it is! My God.
That must be the house.

Okay, no truck.

Maybe Gerald isn't
here. That-that would be good.

I don't like parking so close

in case he has cameras

and he looks up my license
plate and comes to kill me.

Maybe I'll park a
little down the road?

Maybe that was,
too far down the road.

All right.
Bunker, bunker.

Looking for a bunker.

Weird, scary, rusty hammer
on the ground. Ignoring that.

Where is the bunker?

Teddy? Teddy?
Are you down there?

God, I hope this
is the right bunker.

I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong
bunker. Please don't hurt me.

- Teddy? Teddy?
- My God!

- Bob, is that you?
- It's me!

- You found me!
- I found you!

- It's-it's a pretty nice bunker.
- I know, right?

Okay. I'm gonna
move the sheet metal

- so you can get out.
- Gloves, Bob!

- Gloves!
- ! So sharp.

Gloves!
Put on my gloves!

Gloves. Great.

Okay, I'm doing this.

Okay.

I moved it. I did it.

I'm free. My God.

- I knew you could do it.
- Yeah.

I always believed in
you, even when I stopped

believing in you a little bit.

It's kind of amazing
what happened.

After I talked to you,
a truck drove by and...

Yeah, o-okay, Bob,
I-I hate to cut you off,

and I know you just got
here, but you got to leave.

- What?
- You got to get out of here.

Gerald could be back any minute.

Hey, great seeing
you, though, pal.

Right, okay, right,
right. Okay...

- You got to go.
- Yeah. I-I'm-I'm...

Thanks a lot, though.

Big help.

- I owe you one.
- Okay, bye.

- Take it easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Teddy, charge your phone.

And call me when you get home,

- so I know you're safe.
- Bye, Bob.

God.

Someone's here. Red truck.

What? No. My God.

My God, that's Gerald.

You can't be here. What
do we do? What do we do?

- I don't... I-I don't know.
- Hide inside my shirt?

- No. I-I don't think so.
- In my pants?

- No.
- Put a lampshade on your head?

- No!
- I'm the only one coming up with stuff.

You're not coming up with stuff.

You're just saying
things you're seeing.

Okay, well, while
you're thinking,

I'm just gonna gently put
the lampshade on your head.

Teddy, no. No, no, no, no, no.

What are we gonna do?

He can't find you here.

- I know.
- We don't have any time.

I know that. Stop
saying stressful things.

Wait. I'm, I-I
think I have an idea.

The shirt thing? I'll
start unbuttoning.

Not the shirt thing.

My God, so much cheese.

It's like a cheese blanket.

Sleep tight, giant burger.

Ooh, ooh, I think Tina's back.

She sounds great.

Tina, where's the bun?

It's plastic! It's not
real. It's just for display.

And they said it
would taste terrible.

Because it's
plastic. And I tried it.

- They were right.
- Damn it!

Quick, Mom, bake us a giant bun!

I don't know how to do that.

Wait, what if we just
use our regular buns?

Well, I don't know, Tina,
because they're way too small!

- This burger is giant.
- I don't mean one little bun.

I mean, I mean, what
if we use all of them.

And layer them on top of
each other for extra thickness?

Like-like a giant
mountain of buns?

It's like your journal but
you're just saying it out loud.

Okay. Giant burger

inside of 100 little
hamburger buns

could actually work.

It's kind of a
metaphor for humanity,

if you don't think about it.

- Let's do it.
- You're welcome.

Teddy.

There he is.

The man paying me for this.

Yup. So, how's it going?

Good. Great. Why?

Doesn't it seem
like it's going great?

I don't know. I just got here,

and I asked, "How is it going?"

I guess I've been
down in this bunker for a while,

so I must have forgotten how
people talk on the mainland.

All right. Let's check out
what you've done so far.

Great. Perfect. Why not?

Sounds like a plan.
Let's open her up.

Looks good.
Looks like an empty safe.

Yup. Looks very empty.

Good eye, good eye.

I'm gonna open the secret part.

- Do you have to?
- What?

Yeah, no, sure.

But it could be a fun surprise

to just see it later,
though, right?

I'd prefer to see it now.

Okay. Open it up, if
that's what you want to do.

Here we go.

- Ta-da!
- Wow.

No one's gonna find you in
here, my little candy babies.

Nope.

Teddy, it's perfect.

I love it almost as much
as I love my mother,

who happens to steal from me.

Okay. Well,
I'm gonna paint it

and then I'll be done, right?

I'm gonna go the store
and buy some more bunker beans.

Feel like I didn't get enough.

Yeah, look at that.

There's barely any left. Yeah.

- And, Teddy...
- Yes. Hi.

- On the way home later...
- Yeah?

Don't worry about wearing
the blindfold. You know why?

- Why?
- I trust you.

All right, new friend.
See you in a little bit.

Okay. Take it easy.

It was tight
back there, but it worked.

Yeah, it worked. You just
double fake walled him.

I did. I double fake walled him.

You smart smartie.

I'm just glad I brought
that extra sheet metal.

I mean, that's how you got
stuck in the safe in the first place.

Yeah, no, I know.
Don't ruin this.

You're a genius, Bob.

Yeah, I feel kind of
smart, maybe. A little.

I-I should... I should
probably leave

- before Gerald comes back with the beans.
- Good idea.

I knew I asked the right
person to come help me.

- Thanks, Teddy.
- Yeah. Mort didn't answer.

What? Y-You called Mort first?

-No. -Didn't you just say...

- Nope.
- But I heard you say Mor...

- No, you didn't.
- You know what? Fine.

Whatever. I found you,
and I hid in the thing.

Mort's never double
fake walled anyone.

That's why I didn't call him.

So, the answer is...

- twelve.
- That doesn't seem right.

Yeah, you know what,
I'm feeling smart today.

Let's just say it's 12.

- More Beef-hemoth, anyone?
- Yes, please.

I'll take nine pounds.

This is why I was worried
about the Beef-hemoth.

- Why?
- Because now we have to eat a giant hamburger

so it doesn't go to waste.

You don't sound
smart at all right now.

Yeah, Dad. We were heroes today.

Beef!

And then
everybody wanted to throw up.

- And one guy did.
- They did their best,

- and now we get to eat the rest.
- You know what would be fun?

- Giant French fries.
- Let's do that.

- Fry-Gantua!
- Please, no.

Yes.

So, what do you say?

Can we put you down for

My God, yes.

More Beef-hemoth, anyone?

Beef...!

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