Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

- Unbelievable. - What's unbelievable?

My skin? I've been moisturizing.

I think Dad's talking about the gigantic stage

they built in front of our restaurant for the block party.

- Oh. - But nice skin, Gene. It's really shiny.

Even on my heinie.

They were supposed to build it in front of Mort's.

We were gonna have a perfect view of the stage.

I'll bet Mort pulled some strings, embalmed all the right people.

I was looking forward to this block party.

I like the Soul Breezers.

Isn't that the wine cooler Mom complains she can't find anymore?

No, the Soul Breezers, the band. They've been around since the '70s.

Kind of inspiring that they've been going that long.

Even though they haven't had a hit since.

Well, they really only had the one hit.

- What was the hit? - It was called Gas In My Car.

(SINGING) Gas, gas In, in

My, my Car, car

I'm gonna get to you

Pretty romantic.

Also, there was a gas crisis back then, so it worked on a lot of levels.

I only count one level. Oh, wait. Two. Nice.

Well, I am in a crisis right now, Father.

Our living room window was supposed to look out onto the stage.

The best seats in the house, literally. I sold tickets.

- You did what? - Yeah.

Some kids will pay good money to watch a free concert from there.

Three kids.

Four if you count Andy and Ollie as separate people.

Why are kids coming to our living room to see a band from the '70s?

Dad, these are children who have never seen a concert.

All I had to tell them was the higher above the stage you are,

the more glorious the experience.

And that our living room was gonna be like a luxury box

with unobstructed views

at one of the premier outdoor events to be held in our lifetimes.

- The bidding was fierce. - What'd you charge?

Let's just say they have candy.

I have enamel that needs to be dissolved.

- We made an arrangement. - Mmm.

And I'm helping out in exchange for 10%.

Which means I get to bite off 10% of each piece of candy.

- Gross, but fair. - But now we're screwed.

I just looked at the stage from every window upstairs,

and the only way you can see is by squeezing your face against the window

in Gene's room and closing one eye while you stand on tip-toe.

It helps to hold your breath or the glass fogs up.

So, close one eye and not breathe? Sounds like a good time.

I'm gonna make the most of today. I've always been one of those people

that claps at concerts, the two concerts I've been to,

one of which I stood outside. But today I might try out a woo.

- Woo. - Eh.

- Woo? - Mmm.

Woo-ooo-ooo.

- Getting there? - Sort of.

You know what? This will be good.

We'll get a little business, maybe.

And the Soul Breezers are great.

And hearing them but not seeing them will be fine.

Just like listening to a record that's playing on speakers

that are facing away from us.

I'm mad at the Soul Breezers. I know it's not their fault, but I am.

- They're too breezy. - Hey, don't mind me.

I'm grabbing some buns for Little King Trashmouth,

and a coffee for me.

The King only drinks decaf. And wine. Full-bodied reds.

How is he? You've been out there all morning.

I'm pretty sure you love us more than that raccoon,

but sometimes I wonder.

I'm okay with Little King Trashmouth being her favorite.

He has those expressive hands, like Jeff Goldblum.

Oh, hush. Of course I love you guys more.

- Pretty sure. No, no, I do, I do. - Phew.

The King's hanging in there.

I don't know if his paw is broken or sprained or what.

Damn it. Why didn't I study to be a raccoon doctor?

- That world is so cutthroat. - Okay, I'm going back out.

I'm gonna go with you.

I don't want Trashmouth to think I only show up during the good times.

We'd better go upstairs and try to put some lipstick

on this block party poop show. Figure out which pieces of laundry

in your room are too terrible to leave lying around.

- Not the ones you'd expect. - Okay. Everybody remember

that we are also running a restaurant today. Right?

I'm gonna need some help because I don't know how long

your mom's gonna be doing raccoon stuff.

- Tina, where are you going? - To check on Little King Trashmouth.

- Okay, but you're coming back, right? - Yup. Yup. Totally.

- Tina. - Not the last you've seen of old Tina.

(CHUCKLES)

- Okay, bye. - (SIGHS) And then he was alone.

- Poor guy. - Yeah.

Licking his hurt paw. I don't think that's gonna fix it, King.

- He's sweet but dumb. - I saw him limp in there.

I can't think of a sadder thing than that guy limping.

I just thought of one. I thought of another one.

Ooh! They're coming fast and furious.

Hi, Mr. Huggins.

He's holding it together, but he's hurting.

- Where do you think Gary is? - I don't know.

On one of his raccoon business trips? I know they're not business trips.

That's what I call them when he goes to other dumpsters.

Hopefully he comes back soon. Trashmouth needs his support network.

- Who's Gary again? - Little King Trashmouth's husband.

Oh, crap. I've been calling him Greg.

The names are close. I'm sure he gets that a lot.

We gotta help this little guy. We gotta stay focused.

You too, King. Licking your paw. Less licking, more kicking.

- He gets it. - Does he?

He didn't like the buns. Should I get him soup?

That's nice when you're sick. No, I'm not gonna get him soup.

- I'll find something. I'm gonna pee. - Okay.

- Sounds good. - Thanks for not peeing in the alley.

It's always nice when someone down there resists the temptation.

One candy, two candy, three candy. You, sir, are good to go.

You're early. You're the first one here.

But it's fine. We can seat you now.

Dad says you should never miss the opener.

They're the stars of tomorrow, today.

Besides, it's my first concert. I'm so pumped.

- Yeah, well, it's gonna be great. - Right this way, sir.

Oh, yes. Our usher.

Welcome to the Premium Platinum Superfan Suite,

AKA Rump-Shakers' Paradise.

RUDY: Huh. Can you see the band at all from up here?

Of course you can.

You just have to smush your face to the side of the window, like so.

- See? Right? - Oh. Mmm-hmm.

- It's like you're practically on stage. - I guess.

Sometimes I nap like this.

I'm back. I got a pickle. Let's see if raccoons like pickles.

A pickle a day is good for raccoons?

Also, I made a call. I felt like we should bring in a professional

to help out our little King.

- Who'd you call? - Animal control.

- They'll know what to do. - Wait. You called animal control?

- Yeah. Why? - What did you say to them?

I told them about the hurt paw, and they asked

if the animal seemed lethargic and I said, yeah, kinda.

I mean, his paw is hurt. Wouldn't you be too?

- Hmm. - What?

Uh, animal control isn't who you call when you wanna help an animal.

They're more in the business of dealing with animals.

That's why they call it control.

Dealing with animals? What do you mean?

Disciplining them? Giving them time-outs?

No, like...

- Wait. What? - No.

I think that's right. I've seen them on When Animals Attack.

They have a lot of nets. And a lot of sticks with the loops.

- A lot of tranquilizer darts. - (GASPS)

- Then the animal goes night-night. - (CONCERT STARTING)

Why would they do that?

Oh, my God. They said they'd send someone right away.

- Call back. Call back. - (SPUTTERS)

Ooh! There's the first band.

Woo.

I'll work on it.

(CONCERT MUSIC PLAYING)

Can't you just tell the animal control officers not to come?

I don't think it was a raccoon. At all. I think it was just a wig.

Someone's old wig, shaking in the wind.

What? No, you don't understand how this works. Wait. Don't hang up.

Ugh! Why? Why?

- How'd it go? - It's happening.

They say the truck's coming and she's not gonna call them off.

I can't believe it. I just signed Little King Trashmouth's

frigging death warrant.

I'm his human godmother. And I love him.

Oh, I'm a bad person.

Mom, there's gotta be something we can do.

Oh, it's too late. They're on their way.

The King is dead. Dead 'cause of me.

No, no, no. Linda, don't be like that.

We can catch Little King Trashmouth ourselves,

- before animal control gets here. - What?

If they can't find him, they can't take him, right?

- Maybe, yeah. - Then what are we waiting for?

Maybe some training on handling injured raccoons?

So we don't get clawed or bitten a lot? No? Yeah, it's probably fine.

Bob, I'm gonna get a raccoon box from the basement.

Right. I'll take care of everything in here.

Can I order some fries? Never mind. I'll just smell them.

(SNIFFS) Mmm!

Hi. Welcome. Here's a menu.

I'll have the burger of the day, please.

Okay, great.

Sorry. Are you with one of the bands?

Yeah. The Soul Breezers. How did you know?

'Cause you look like a music guy. You have a hat.

Thank you for noticing. I'm their road manager. I'm Ian.

Oh, hi. I'm Bob. The Soul Breezers are great.

I love their song. I mean, their multiple songs. That I know.

- Mmm. - Also, it's kind of amazing.

After all these years,

they're still out there, doing what they love. It's inspiring.

- Ha. - Why ha?

- Ah-ha-ha. - Why two ha's?

- I wouldn't say they love it. - You wouldn't? Why?

- Because they're miserable. - Oh.

- And broke. As am I. - Oh.

I wrote all about it in my memoir, Soul Tales from Beyond the Breeze.

Still looking for a publisher, and maybe a computer, so I can write it.

If you have a spare computer, let me know.

I don't think I do.

Pity. Are these napkins free to take? Lot of spills on the bus.

- Uh, sure. - And toilet paper isn't cheap.

Ooh! This is good stuff.

Okay. Tina, you stand on that side, and I'll stand on this side.

If he tries to go that way, make noise and send him back to me.

- Okay. - I'll get him with the blanket.

I couldn't find a box. A blanket's fine, right?

I'm a little concerned.

Teddy, on the count of three, pull back the dumpster.

Yup. I'm not totally sure I can move a heavy steel dumpster with my hands,

but maybe I'll get super-strength, right?

Yeah. You need to get it out, like, 10 inches.

- You're doing the Lord's work. - Thanks, Mr. Huggins.

Just to say it, he's gonna bite you. Is that what you're going for?

- (TINA GROANING) - It's gonna be fine.

I can see his foot better.

It has a splinter in it. He's almost got it out.

I guess that licking was smart. Sorry, King.

Oh, he got it out.

All right, here we go. One, two...

- (TINA GROANING) - Tina, no.

- Sorry. - Three.

It's not that hard. Good wheels on this thing.

Here, King. I'm not gonna hurt you. You're already hurt.

You know what I mean.

- He's getting away. - No, I missed him.

- Animal control will be here any minute. - The splinter.

- We can tell them it was a splinter. - He got it out, so no evidence.

Now he's just a limpy, cranky raccoon.

- Oh, no. - But he's running away.

So animal control still won't be able to find him.

She's right. They won't know where he went.

They can torture us all they want. We're not gonna talk.

- I guess. - Unless they do fingernails, or eyes.

I can't handle anything in my eyes.

Or sleep deprivation. I need my eight.

I won't talk. Unless they try to bribe me with some macaroons.

(GASPS) I love macaroons.

If they have macaroons... You'll have to forgive me.

I feel like we should get our candy back.

Not sure what's going on in there. They're not doing any face-smushing.

- What's wrong with them? - What's happening? Where are you going?

The show's just getting started.

Sorry, Louise. We were talking.

Maybe it'd be easier to watch from the street?

Where we could have a clear view of the stage.

From the street? Yeah, I've got news.

When you're our size there's no such thing as a "clear view of the stage."

You'll be out there watching the tall person butt show.

And, my friends, you won't want an encore.

I can get on Ollie's shoulders.

And I can get on Andy's shoulders.

- And maybe I'll hop on their shoulders. - So, this is awkward.

- Can we have our candy back? - You cannot have it back.

I mean, yes, you can, if that's what you want,

but, instead, how about an upgrade?

- An upgrade? - What kind of upgrade?

Uh, how do you like the sound of an all-access backstage pass? Sort of.

Look. The real show's happening back there. We're talking human drama.

Crazy stuff. Drugs, maybe.

Wow. That guy at the snack table sure seems to like

- what I think is black licorice. - As addictive as any narcotic.

That lady's blowing her nose really hard.

Let me see.

She really knows her way around a tissue.

Yup, insiders-only stuff right there.

So? What do you say we bring over the seats and keep the show rolling?

I don't know.

- We'll throw in snacks. - Eh...

And other perks to be named later.

- Free Pelotons. - Not free Pelotons.

How about we get to sleep in your bathtub?

- Oh, my God, yes. - Uh, okay.

BOTH: Yay!

As a guy with allergies, I'm invested in this nose-blowing lady.

Ha! Very good. Gene, get the chairs. And you know what?

Throw in a few of our cushiest seat cushions.

- You mean Mom and Dad's pillows? - Exactly.

(CONCERT MUSIC CONTINUES)

Uh, Linda, are you coming out here?

- Do you want me to go in there and cook? - No, I'm cooking.

You're just pushing onions around on the cutting board.

That's part of the process. Oh, God. They're here.

- Oh, no. - I'll talk to them.

Okay. Thanks for doing that to the onion.

Afternoon. Are you the one who called about a raccoon?

No. Goodbye. Good luck with your controlling animals.

- Mom. - Linda, calm.

Sorry. I mean, that was us.

Yeah. But it was... Ha-ha! It's a funny story.

- How so? - I saw a dog.

And I thought it was a raccoon. Ha!

- Silly Linda. - A dog?

Yup, just a dog. Total dog.

He had a bone and a collar. A waggly tail.

- He was barking. - He was.

- And licking himself. - Very true.

So there is no raccoon out in the daytime, appearing injured?

- Nope. - No, Officer.

Okay. Then what is that?

- LINDA: Oh, no. - Ah!

- Hmm. He's limping. Could be distemper. - No, he has great temper.

It was a splinter in his foot, but it fell out.

I'm not saying that to protect him. You gotta believe me.

I'm a normal, believable person, right?

- I need to check it out. - No. No pole. No pole.

It keeps me safe from the animal.

Also, it's my lucky pole. I get them every time with this thing.

No, no, no. Oh, he's gone.

Well, thanks for coming by. Can't catch them all.

I catch them all. Everyone at work hates me 'cause of it.

That, and I correct everyone's grammar.

Wait, wait. Don't go, don't go.

Oh, my God. We can't let her find Little King Trashmouth.

- Did anyone see where he went? - No. Sorry.

Me neither. I was distracted by how that pole looks like

not a noose, but a little bit.

- What do we do now? - Maybe Mr. Huggins saw where he went.

- Shoot. He's gone. - Probably went to that concert.

I hope he's dancing for all of us.

He's got that bad hip. Maybe he's dancing on his left leg.

Maybe we could find Little King Trashmouth before she does?

- I don't know. Lot of alleys. - We could split up.

I could follow her and I'll shout if she finds him.

Right. Uh, good.

Uh, don't let her catch him. But if she does, just shout.

Okay, what do I shout? What do I shout?

Just say you won the lottery. And you're excited.

Okay.

All right, I could take that alley, and you take the other one?

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Can we switch alleys? I like this one better.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

And there's the endless travel to shabby little towns. No offense.

None taken. I mean, some taken.

And we sleep in tiny coffin-like beds

on a bus that seems to somehow store farts forever.

But there must be some reason they keep going.

Sure. The fact there's nothing else they could do for money.

Right. But, you know, people enjoy their music.

That must make it all feel worth it.

You mean the one song that they wrote a million years ago?

Yeah, imagine if you did one thing, one good thing, sure.

But one thing, over and over and over for the rest of your life.

- Can you picture that nightmare? - Um...

That's what happens to a dream when you cling to it.

You can end up hating it, but doing it anyway,

because what the hell else are you gonna do?

- Right. - Anyhoo,

I wasn't gonna order soft-serve, but now I kind of want soft-serve.

Do you give out free samples?

- I would need 12. - I'll just give you a cup.

Thank you. Best thing that's happened to me all tour.

It's going in my book.

Ah, the Breezers are starting their set.

Do you need to go back outside?

Not really. It's a well-oiled machine at this point.

A well-oiled, sad, soul-crushing machine.

(SIGHS)

Enjoying the show, folks?

That guy down there has been coiling a cable for, like, half an hour.

I know, right? It's mesmerizing.

How long is that cable? When will it end?

- It ended. - Aw, I miss it.

And how about that music, huh?

Isn't it more fun to imagine what the band is doing?

T-shirts. Get your T-shirts. This one's 30% cotton, but 100% rocking.

- Is that magic marker? - What makes you say that?

- My eyes. - Look, you could pay 25 bucks

for a shirt down there or three bucks' worth of candy up here.

Also, good luck finding youth sizes.

Or fun magic marker fragrances.

I guess I'll take a shirt. Youth medium.

All right. Wear it proudly, my medium-sized friend. Anybody else?

Ooh, this one comes with free what I think might be cheese crumbs.

Fancy.

Where is he? Where is he?

King, it's Linda. Your friend, your best human friend.

Mr. Mouth. Mr. Trashmouth.

Or King. I don't know what you like to be called.

Please don't be in this alley, Mr. Little King.

I hope you went to the beach, or hopped on a train,

and you're learning to play the harmonica.

- (RACOON SCREECHES) - Ah-ha!

Okay. I'm coming towards you.

I'm just walking over there to show you this funny video on my phone.

Oh, no. I won the lottery! I won the lottery!

I can't believe it. Does anyone wanna share it?

- Come on over here. To me. - Oh, boy.

Oh, my God. Good for Tina. No, wait. That's the distraction.

Right. That's bad.

Whoops. Sorry. Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry.

(PANTING)

- (KING CHITTERS) - Oh, no. King.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

On the good leg. On the good leg.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHITTERING)

I'm sorry, King. I did this. I'm the reason you're gonna die.

I'm the worst. I wish it was me and not you.

Okay, not that far. I don't know how I'm gonna live with myself after this.

Maybe we use some of my lottery money to buy a helicopter and fly in?

I'm so confused right now. Is that lottery stuff real?

- I don't know. - Maybe just let me do my job,

protecting the public from diseased wildlife.

I failed you. And I'm never gonna forgive myself. Never ever.

Gotta get my head in the game. Think, Linda. Think.

- Hi, Barry. Just passing through. - Oh, wine lady?

Yeah, it's Linda. You can call me that, though.

- You want anything? Merlot? - Ooh! Merlot. Later, later.

Can I borrow this? Can I open this door real quick?

I'm not gonna hurt you, as far as you know.

- What the... - (BOTH GASP)

Thanks. Just gotta take this box home.

There's no wine in it, just a raccoon.

- Okay. - Raccoon box coming through.

- (MUSIC PLAYING) - Ooh. Good song. I like it. Funky.

IAN: Imagine if you did one thing

over and over and over for the rest of your life.

Can you picture what a nightmare that would be?

Be... Be... Be...

- IAN: Bob. - Yeah?

- They're playing Gas In My Car. - Oh.

Thought you might wanna watch.

From where I'm sitting you can see the band. Sort of. Sometimes.

Oh, yeah. I can kinda make out one of their arms. Wrinkly biceps.

I know this one. My dad has it on his playlist of songs he wants me to like.

- Do you like it? - Oh, sure. My dad has great taste.

He told me so himself.

Maybe it's the magic marker smell making me dizzy, but I'm into this.

This song makes me wanna shake my potty parts.

- They're all potty parts, honey. - Yeah.

Hey, dancing's extra.

Just kidding. Go nuts.

(ALL WHOOPING)

What a day, huh, Officer?

Darn raccoons. Am I right? Or dogs.

- Who even knows which is which? - Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, well, I'm moving on to another call.

See you later. I mean, we won't see you later probably,

but it's a thing that people say to each other.

- I think. - Yup. Goodbye.

- She's gone, right? Is she gone? - Mom.

Oh, my God. You did it.

Linda, you saved the King. You're gonna get knighted.

You almost got him killed, but you redeemed yourself. How's he doing?

- Okay, I think. Wanna say hi? - Hi.

Stepping away from you. Nothing personal.

(CHUCKLES) He's just a little rambunctious. Wait. Is that...

- ALL: Gary! - Whoa! Uh-oh. He's getting out.

(SOUL BREEZERS SINGING) Gas in my car

I'm gonna get to you...

King's limping less.

His paw can't be bothering him too much if he's able to do that.

- Should we give them their privacy? - Woo!

- Nice "woo," Tina. - Yeah.

Huh. They kinda look like they're having fun.

- Of course they're having fun. - Really? You said they were miserable.

- Well, they are. - Then I don't get it.

There are moments.

When the band locks in, the crowd is with them,

everything they loved about playing music

comes flooding back in a rush of pure heavenly emotion, all that crap.

But all these decades later, they still have them?

- The moments? - You tell me.

In my car Let's roll

I'm gonna get to you

No matter where you are Gas in my car

Yeah. I see it. Okay. I can deal with that.

- What did you say? - Uh, nothing.

(SINGING) In my car...

Are you okay? Are you having some kind of breakdown?

- Oh. No. This is me dancing. - Yeah. I can sort of see that now.

Hey, Dad. What's your body doing?

- Dancing. - Mmm.

- We're grabbing some concessions. - For the after-party.

- The after-party? - We're doing it for free.

The vibe's great up there. You don't mind, right?

- It's a write-off. - BOB: Mmm.

Phew! Sorry. We're back. We're back.

We remembered we have jobs and came back to do them.

Also, I saved Little King Trashmouth. No big deal.

Hi, Bob. I'm starving. Can I get a burger and fries?

And maybe some fries for the lovebirds in the alley.

But give them a few minutes.

(SINGING TO RADIO)