Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, I thought of a marketing slogan for our Tank Bottoms idea.

Here it is. "Tank Bottoms, tank tops for your bottom."

That's so good.

I know. Zeke, this is, like, the best clothing invention anyone's ever had.

Replacing pockets with holes for ventilation?

We're the best entrepreneurs ever.

More like entre-pre-new-world, 'cause our idea is a game-changer.

And here's some more lockers. And there's those lockers over there.

You name it, we've got it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Guys, please give a warm Wagstaff welcome

to our newest student, Will.

Will, these are fellow eighth-graders Jimmy Jr. and Zeke.

- Hello. - 'Sup?

Run, Will. Leave while you still can.

(CHUCKLES) That's Louise and Gene, my siblings. Little rascals.

What grade are you in, Will? Fourteenth?

Nope. Just a tall eighth-grader. Hi, Zeke.

Uh... Hi, Will.

TINA: So what are you guys talking about?

JIMMY JR.: Just something that'll revolutionize the fashion industry

and life as we know it called Tank Bottoms.

TINA: Right. Your "shorts with no pockets" thing.

JIMMY JR.: Uh, yes.

That's an oversimplified explanation of it, but yes.

Oh, I just remembered. I gotta go to class.

I'm out of here. Okay.

- But the bell hasn't even rung yet. - Oh, man.

(CHUCKLES) Sorry. I can't hear you over all this hallway chatter.

I'll see you in class.

- All right. - Zeke's usually not like that.

- I know what Zeke's like. - You do?

We went to the same school in third grade.

We called him "Pee Streak Zeke."

What? Why'd they call him that?

Longest pee? Duration or distance?

Or a fun combination of the two?

Not exactly.

Okay. Should we keep the old tour going?

Have you shown Will the booger wall yet?

- Booger wall? - It's what it sounds like.

See if you can guess which are mine.

Here's a hint. They're brown like their daddy's eyes.

"Hey. I'm Bob. I like to sweep. But I can't keep any customers." Zoom.

Ha! Rhyming can be mean.

"Well, I'm Jimmy.

I like to stand in front of my restaurant."

- Wait. Why are you coming over here? - I'm bored.

You must know what that's like, right? 'Cause of your life? Ha!

Okay, thanks for coming over to say that.

Kinda slow at my place lately. You been slow too?

- Yeah. Do you need something? - You get one rat...

- That's part of the business. - ...pack.

One pack of rats, covered in roaches,

suddenly people don't wanna eat their spaghetti.

You had a pack of rats covered with roaches?

Yeah. You've never had that?

Not at the same time. Our rats and roaches don't get along.

Well, you're lucky. The Burger Ball Pit?

BOB: It's just something I was trying.

It's a bunch of tiny meatballs instead of a patty.

Tiny meatballs?

I was just fooling around. Cheese holds them all in place.

- Hmm. Okay, goodbye. - Yeah? I mean...

Oh. Okay. Bye.

- You're a fart. - Right.

That was almost a normal conversation.

But you're you, so you said that.

(MIMICS FARTING) That's you.

Am I crazy or would this make a nice apartment?

Get some houseplants, maybe a mini-fridge...

It's basically an upgrade from where we live now.

- I had more ideas about Tank Bottoms. - Uh-huh.

Tank Bottoms is kind of a mouthful, so I was thinking we would call them TBs.

Oh. Yeah, yeah.

But then the problem is that's also what they call tuberculosis.

- Mmm-hmm. Sounds great. - Are you even listening to me?

- Yeah. Sorry. - What are you looking at?

- Nothing, nothing. - What, tetherball?

Oh, my God. Another TB.

So, yeah, this is our tetherball.

- It's sneaky. If you play, be careful. - Uh-huh.

You wanna give this baby a spin? Oh, you missed it.

- Ow! I'm okay. - Sorry. I'll be right back.

Oh, okay.

What do you think about this for a slogan? "The TB you wanna get."

I love it. But, uh, listen. I gotta go.

I gotta go somewhere real fast, all right?

What the heck?

That's the second time today Zeke has just run off. Huh.

When he has to go, he has to go. He's pee-streaking.

(SINGING) The ketchup loves the mustard

but it makes the ketchup flustered

So I give them a little space...

So, what'll it be today, Teddy?

Er... Maybe just a cheeseburger and fries.

Really? Did you take a look at the burger of the day?

Eh, I don't know. Bunch of little burger balls?

Yeah. There's a ball pit in your mouth and your taste buds are jumping in it.

It's interesting, Teddy. I'm having fun with texture.

Oh, yeah, very fun. I just don't want to have fun.

Like that. With a bunch of balls in my mouth.

Fine. Some people are just more open to new ideas. And you're dumb.

- Exactly. What? - Nothing.

What the...

- Jimmy, the Pizza Ball Pit? - Smart, right?

I just tore up a pizza, smashed it into balls

and put it on top of another pizza. Like a ball pit.

You stole my idea.

What? No. Yours is a burger. Mine's pizza.

- Totally different. - Totally different, Bob.

It's the same name.

Which works for a burger, because it's like a deconstructed, um...

"Um, um, um..." Look, Bob. We both had the same idea.

- We'll see who it works out better for. - For whom it works out better.

- Just go inside, Trev. - What? Jeez. Grammar matters.

It's stealing, Jimmy. You know what happens to thieves?

- What, Bob? - They get their comeuppance.

Comeuppance? What is that, from Mary Poppins?

So what if it is? She was a great nanny.

(SINGING) It's time for ravioli

I will not eat them slowly, no

I'd be shocked if you did.

You're seriously not eating in the cafeteria?

I don't feel like it today. Why do we have to eat lunch together?

Why can't we eat separately in quiet contemplation?

I'm gonna go eat in the library.

There's no food in the library. And you didn't bring a sack lunch.

It doesn't make any sense. Wait. Is this about Will?

What was all that pee streak stuff about?

Did you pee your pants or something and he made fun of you?

I don't wanna talk about it, J-Ju.

I just wanna be alone in the library today.

Not in a bad way. I love reading. I love it. Bye.

Oh, my gosh. I think Zeke was bullied.

My sweet best friend. Sweet, sweet Zeke.

Huh. So Will's a bully.

Seems like it. Willy the Bully, aka Wooly Bully.

I don't like bullies.

Especially in our school. And in our sister's grade.

I mean, what if he makes Tina pee and embarrasses her?

- She already fights an uphill battle. - Yeah.

- We gotta nip this in the bud. - It's "the butt."

We should give Will a taste of his own medicine.

Western medicine. Not holistic at all.

- I've got a good plan, Gene. - Me too. Begging for extra ravioli.

I mean a plan to get revenge on Will for Zeke,

and show him that this bullying crap won't fly here.

Oh. Right. Yeah.

- So, we each get a juice box. - Uh-huh.

- You don't drink yours. - I don't like that.

LOUISE: We offer Tina and Will the seats across from us.

Why wouldn't they sit near Tina's harmless siblings?

- We're terrific. - They don't know you have a juice box

hidden out of sight, aimed at Will's crotch.

I will make small talk, while you line up your shot.

And when I say the words "interesting ravioli,"

you squeeze the box, spraying apple juice on Will's crotch,

making it look like he peed his pants.

He'll stand up when he feels the juice,

then I'll yell, "Gross. Everybody, look at Pee Streak Will."

The entire cafeteria looks over at him,

they all point and laugh and then Will says,

"Didn't I get what I deserve?

"Thanks, Louise and Gene, for putting me in my place.

"If that's who did this. I don't know for sure."

And will I be reimbursed for any lost juice?

In the next life. Which could be soon if Will kills us.

But it's a risk we have to take.

Are you talking about doing something to Will?

Something really heroic, yeah. Why?

I feel bad for Zeke too, but I just don't think aggression is the answer.

Um, it definitely is.

If you bully a bully, it's still bullying.

- I'm not in the mood for riddles. - Ooh. Those look interesting.

What are they? Edible pillows full of cheese?

Uh-huh.

Did you get your bun tightened? It looks gorgeous.

- I did. Thank you. - Thank you.

How's your regular cheeseburger that you can literally get any day, Teddy?

Really good, Bob.

I can't believe Pesto just stole my Burger Ball Pit idea.

People sometimes have the same idea at the same time.

Remember when Deep Impact and Armageddon came out the same year?

Or when Steve Harvey started going bald right when I started going bald?

- Spooky. - It's not like that, at all.

I had the idea first. He saw it and then he stole it.

Oh, my God. I think he's getting a line.

What? No. They could be there for another reason,

all a few feet apart and facing the same direction,

and waiting to get inside.

Did you see what they're doing at Pesto's?

Pizza Balls. Such a fun idea.

- It was my idea! - Whoa!

Order the burger of the day, Mort. Do not make the same mistake I did.

Uh, one burger of the day, please. Oh, look at that.

- Burger Balls. Fun. - Don't patronize me, Mort.

Jeez, you really screwed that one up, Mort.

Hey, guys. We gotta stop meeting like this.

- Just kidding. - Not on that side, Rudy.

- Sit over here. - What? Why?

- The lighting is all weird over there. - Okay.

Zeke. You're here. What happened to the library?

Was it too noisy?

Mr. Frond saw me and said I needed to get some nutrition.

I told him I was reading a cookbook, so that should count. He didn't agree.

I wasn't reading a cookbook. I was holding my hands like this.

Zeke, I want you to know that I'm here for you and I care about you.

- Do you want some of my ravioli? - Yes.

I was talking to Zeke.

Don't worry, Zeke. We got you covered.

- Thanks. But what? - We're gonna shut Will the Bully down.

- Wooly Bully. - What? Do what?

You don't have to hide it. We figured it out.

We know you were bullied.

- Zeke was bullied? - Wait, wait.

I get why you wouldn't wanna tell me.

I'm one of the cool kids and you were embarrassed.

No. You don't understand.

As soon as Tina and Will sit down, I'm gonna distract Will,

Gene's gonna spray Will's crotch with apple juice under the table.

My apple juice. Some of us are making a big sacrifice today.

- No. No, guys, no. Please don't do that. - Shh!

Here he comes. Tina. Will. Over here.

Hey, everybody. We were doing the whole lunch line thing.

It went well. They had lunch at his old school too.

- Tina, sit right across from me. - Okay.

Hey there, Will. So you're sitting here. That's cool.

(CHUCKLES) Great.

So, Will, what do you think of Wagstaff so far?

Maintain eye contact while you answer and don't look anywhere else.

Um, seems okay.

- Will, uh... - What?

Interesting ravioli. Interesting ravioli.

- Gene, no! - What are you doing?

ZEKE: Where is it? Give it to me.

- Stop it. You'll ruin it. - What's going on under there?

Let go.

So, Will, what'd you think of the booger wall?

- Boogerific. Am I right? - What?

- Dang it, Gene. - You got Zeke's crotch?

Bad news? Yes. Good news? Still some juice left.

Don't you say it, Will. Don't you say it.

- Say what? - Pee Streak Zeke.

- Sorry, Zeke. - Hold on now.

I wasn't gonna say... Wait. Were you gonna squirt that on me?

Yes. We were gonna bully you before you could bully anyone else.

So did it work? Are we heroes?

- Let's say yes. - People, please.

Why don't you just pick on someone your own size, Tall Guy? Like Mr. Branca.

- I don't want any trouble. - Everybody, just stop.

Will never bullied me or anyone.

- What? - Come again?

I was... (SIGHS)

I was the bully.

(GASPS)

And that was the last of my juice.

So you're not a bully?

- No. - But you're so tall.

You do kinda have this "don't mess with me" vibe

that has a lot of the girls here going crazy.

- Other girls. Not me. But I get it. - I can see that.

Like Zeke said, he was the bully. I was the bullied.

(SIGHS) I'm gonna go try to dry off.

Sorry. Me spraying juice on you wasn't bullying.

- That was just an accident. - Zeke, what happened?

I'm not proud of it, but by the time I started

going to school at Rocky Creek Elementary, where Will went,

I had already been to so many schools,

'cause my family moved around so much.

I was always the new kid. And it wasn't easy making friends.

Between that and my impulse control issues,

I started wrestling kids.

Like, all the time. Before I even knew it was a sport.

I couldn't help it. I just had a lot of nervous energy.

One day I got a kid in a headlock.

I guess I caught him on his way to the bathroom,

and also maybe he was scared, 'cause of me putting him in a headlock.

And he... Well, he peed a little.

And everyone pointed and laughed, and that's how it all started.

After that kid peed, the kids who thought it was funny were like,

"Come hang out with us."

And then I kept trying to make them laugh.

And even though I only made that first kid pee,

they called me "Pee Streak Zeke."

And, yeah, Will was one of the kids I bullied.

(ALL CHANTING) Pee Streak Zeke! Pee Streak Zeke!

ZEKE: I mean, I had a group of friends, a nickname,

and it was the first time I felt like I belonged.

- Wow. - I know. It's a lot.

That's pretty bad, Zeke.

I've been told I have the perfect neck for headlocks

but I'm trying to cut down.

I know. It's awful. I don't like to talk about it.

I don't like to think about it. I'm not that person anymore.

But, Zeke, now you have the chance to apologize, make amends,

right the wrongs of the past.

You should definitely apologize.

Maybe send him an edible arrangement, or give him your house.

Maybe adopt a highway for him.

Oh, um, Will doesn't seem like

he's ready to hear an apology, or talk to me at all.

I think the best thing for me to do is to keep a respectful distance.

No, Zeke. Just do it now. It's the only way to move forward.

- But I... - (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Whoops! That's the bell.

Guess we'll put a pin in this for now and focus on our studies.

Wait, Will. Can you please meet us on the steps out front after school?

Zeke has something he wants to tell you.

Or if you're busy, that's cool.

Late notice, I get it. You probably have plans.

No, I'll be there.

- Great. - (GROANS) Great.

Uh, come on, Will. I'll take you to your next class.

I think we have algebra together. Alge-bring you there. (CHUCKLES)

Trust me, Zeke. This is gonna be a good thing.

(SIGHS) Oh, boy.

I guess I'll have to take the rest of these to go.

And there we go.

- Like a little Italian squirrel. - Oh, yeah.

Grazie!

(GROANS)

So, Bob, are you just gonna keep stewing or what?

(GASPS) Someone's taking pictures of Pesto's with a fancy camera.

You think they're from the paper?

Oh, my God. That's it. I'm going over there.

- No, Bob, don't. - Linda's right, Bob. To what end?

"To what end"? Just say "Why?" Mort.

- Why? - Are you asking that to me or to Bob?

- I don't know. - I'm gonna expose him.

I'm gonna tell that reporter person,

if it is a reporter person, that it was my idea.

Come on, Bob. We know you had the idea. You know you had the idea.

You'll have another idea tomorrow.

If you don't have a heart attack over Jimmy Pesto.

Linda's right. My therapist would say,

focus on your own happiness and don't compare it to other people's.

Your therapist is an idiot.

You take that back, Bob. Do not speak of Dr. Marjorie that way.

That woman has put up with so much in her life.

- What? - The balls haven't rolled her way.

Okay, I'm sorry. She's probably great.

She's just never met Jimmy Pesto.

Aw, Bob.

So many little balls. I really just wanted soup.

I know, Mort. I know.

So I just thought to myself, balls, Pizza Balls.

And then, Pizza Ball Pit. Boom.

- Oh, my God. - Bob, we're gonna be in the paper.

On the Internet. Where it really counts.

My mom's finally gonna be proud of me.

That's great. I have something interesting for the article.

- Sorry. Who are you? - I am the guy who invented...

- Ah, ah, ah! - I invented...

- Ah, ah, ah! - I happen to have invented...

Look, I don't know what this is, but I'm on a deadline, okay?

You should be interviewing me.

Hmm. Who should I interview, the inventor of the Pizza Ball Pit,

or some guy who wandered in off the street

who won't stop shrieking while I'm working?

(YELLS) I'm not shrieking.

Let's go someplace quieter. Come back in the kitchen.

I can show you the oven where it all happens.

It looks like a microwave, but it's not exactly a microwave.

(GROANS) Hmm.

So, you're staying?

Yes. I'm gonna make sure that that guy tells the world

that Jimmy is a total fraud.

All right. Want some water while you're waiting?

No, I don't want water. Actually, yes. I'm a little thirsty.

- Thank you. - Seven dollars.

- What? - Got you. Classic me.

Well, I don't see Will anywhere, J-Ju.

I guess I'll head home, try again tomorrow.

Zeke, wait. I know what you're doing.

You're trying to kick this can down the road.

Well, guess what. That road is a dead end.

- I know, but... - Zeke, listen.

We've all done things we're not proud of.

I used to tell Andy and Ollie that there was only one of them.

- It messed with them for weeks. - Jeez.

The point is we recognize our mistakes and we learn from them.

It's how we grow.

Did we miss it? Did anyone DVR it?

Not yet. And for all we know, Will already went home and...

- Here he comes. - Dang.

This is what we do when the bell rings at the end of the day.

We come outside.

And that completes your welcome tour of Wagstaff.

Hey, Will. Zeke wants to tell you something. Zeke?

- I'm sorry I bullied you. - Okay.

I'm sorry I did those awful things to you to impress people.

Putting you in headlocks and stuff, but I'm not that kid anymore.

So, I hope you can forgive me,

and we can be okay with each other moving forward.

Wow. Will, pretty heartfelt apology from Zeke over here. What you thinking?

- I do not accept. - What? What the hell, Will?

He didn't even apologize for what he actually did.

- But... - What, making you pee your pants?

He never made me pee.

He got me in a headlock a few times, but that's not the really bad part.

What's the really bad part?

Hey, Jimmy Jr., don't you have to go? You have that thing, right?

You better get going. Get on now. Get out. Get.

He made fun of my lisp.

(ALL GASP)

Your lips? They look fine to me. They look completely normal.

Not my lips. My lisp.

What? Seriously?

I can't believe you made fun of someone's lisp, Zeke.

That's so messed up.

It was just one time, and I felt so bad, I never did it again.

- Wait. You have a lisp? - I did, when I was in third grade.

I said, "Stop, Zeke. You're so stupid." But I had a lisp.

- So it came out... - Thtop, Theke. You're tho thtupid.

And Zeke made fun of me.

I didn't want all those guys to see me cry,

so I hid in a bathroom stall for the rest of recess.

TINA: Oh, Will.

WILL: Then some kids came in, and they saw the closed stall door

and they said, "Ew! Someone's pooping in there,"

and I said, "No, I'm not."

But I sounded like I was crying, and crying in the bathroom seemed worse,

so I leaned into the pooping thing

and I said, "I mean, yes, I am," and I made some fart noises

and tried to make the whole thing believable.

- GENE: Good for you. - I'm sorry, Will.

And, Jimmy Jr., please.

You're my best friend. You gotta know how sorry I am.

I don't know what to say, Zeke.

I don't even think I wanna do Tank Bottoms with you anymore.

Don't say that, J-Ju.

I mean, yeah, a lot of people don't know this,

but I have a speech impediment.

- Really? - I never...

(LISPING) I've worked through a lot of it, but sometimes it shows up.

You have to believe me. I never did anything like that again.

I did some wrestling stuff, but never the speech stuff,

or someone's looks, or height, or weight or anything.

You have to forgive me, guys. There's gotta be something I can do.

I honestly don't see how you fix this, Zeke.

Money never hurts. 100 bucks each? Fifty to me for brokering the deal?

Let them make fun of your butt?

- Fine. - Oh, wow.

- Zeke, don't... - I mean, you could lick the booger wall.

- What? - Yes.

Interesting.

I guess it would show you're really sorry.

Okay. Looks like I'm gonna lick a booger wall.

Wow. I'm not usually into after-school activities,

- but I'll stick around for this one. - (SIGHS)

Ugh! How is his water not even good?

Come on, Bob. We know you had the idea. You know you had the idea.

And you'll have another idea tomorrow.

Focus on your own happiness, and not compare it to other people's.

Linda's right, Bob. To what end?

To what end? Just say "Why?" Mort.

Thanks. Our readers are gonna love this. Good. That guy is still here.

I'll keep talking as I exit, so he can't talk to me.

See you later. Bye.

Bob, what are you still doing here? Looking for some good food?

That's a zoom.

I came over here to tell everyone that you're a liar who stole my idea.

Ha! You are that.

But now all I wanna do is tell you something.

- What's that, Bob? - I'd rather be me than you.

Pff. Yeah, right. You'd rather be scraping by

than have a popular place and a mostly restored 280Z? Come on.

I can always think of other ideas, Jimmy.

This wasn't even one of my best. It might be one of my worst.

And since you and your customers like it, that's a red flag.

- Ouch. - So this idea? You can have it.

I don't need it. All I need is right up here.

Whoa.

- Don't whoa. - Sorry. I want that kind of confidence.

- Just zip it. - Okay, zipping. Unzipping.

You're back. Finally.

What happened? Did you make a stink?

Did you steal the reporter's pen and scribble all over his notes?

No. I just told Jimmy I'd rather be me than him.

Aw! Bobby, so wise. Like a little Bobby Buddha. Mwah!

And I said that I'll have another, better idea tomorrow.

- Yeah, that's what I told you. - I guess I stole it from you.

Well, I won't make a big deal about it,

like some handsome cutie-pie chefs.

- She's talking about you, Bob. - Thanks, Teddy.

- LOUISE: So many boogers. - GENE: Precious memories.

It's more booger than wall at this point.

Okay. Here goes.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Wait, Zeke. You don't have to do this.

You were willing to lick boogers. That's enough.

I mean, I guess.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

I was asking Jimmy Jr. I mean, you too, but also him.

Yeah. Will's right.

I didn't know you then, but I know you now, Zeke.

I know your heart.

Oh, man, J-Ju... Ah!

- What are you doing? - Stop. You don't have to do it.

That's gonna make it even more beautiful.

- Sick. - Yes!

- Wow. - Oh, Zeke.

It wasn't that bad. (COUGHS)

But I'm gonna... Oh, my God. I'm gonna throw up.

(RETCHING)

Oh, my God. You're my best friend, Jimmy Jr.

You're my best friend, Zeke,

even if I can't quite look at you right now.

I get it. Now, who wants to get licked by a booger tongue?

- Come on. Who wants it? - (SCREAMING)

- Come here, J-Ju. - LOUISE: Gross!

I'm gonna get you with my booger tongue.

This isn't bullying. This is horseplay. Now come here. Come on.

(SINGING) The ketchup loves the mustard

But it makes the ketchup flustered

So I give them a little space

The ketchup loves the mustard But it makes the ketchup flustered

So I give them a little space

It's time for ravioli

I will not eat this slowly

- The ketchup loves the mustard - The ketchup loves the mustard

- The ketchup loves the mustard - The ketchup loves the mustard

-The ketchup loves the mustard - The ketchup loves the...