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1
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:06,420
I cannot believe that I am
eating Nana Sugar's cookies
2
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,340
with Nana Sugar.
3
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:10,630
My mom and I used to try
to re-create your recipe,
4
00:00:10,630 --> 00:00:13,590
but we could never figure out
your secret ingredient.
5
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:16,180
Oh, honey, nobody ever could.
6
00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:18,180
Cool!
That's awesome, Cheryl.
7
00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:19,810
So who's the fella?
8
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:22,100
He's that sportswriter
I was telling you about.
9
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:23,850
Well, why are you sitting here
gabbing with me?
10
00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:26,560
It's just,
he's the sweetest guy,
11
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,230
and he's nice to everyone.
12
00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:31,990
And nice is typically
not my type.
13
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,820
Let me tell you
something, honey.
Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:36,820
Women always think
they need something edgy,
15
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:40,990
but nothing beats
a classic chocolate chip cookie.
16
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:44,210
So you think I could be
with a chocolate chip cookie?
17
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,830
Like a glass of milk.
18
00:00:45,830 --> 00:00:49,460
Thanks, Nana Sugar.
You're a real one.
19
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:50,960
Are you ready for me
to send off your obituary?
20
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,710
I am.
Okay.
21
00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:55,380
Oh, and, Nell,
the secret ingredient?
22
00:00:58,010 --> 00:01:00,850
It's mono-saturated
glutamate.
23
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,390
Ah.
24
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:05,440
-- Captions by VITAC --
25
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,030
Hey.
Hey.
26
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,280
I didn't know
someone was in here.
27
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,490
It's me again,
the guy who's been stealing
28
00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:17,410
the news floor's coffee
every day.
29
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,820
You know, at some point,
30
00:01:18,820 --> 00:01:19,950
I'm gonna have to
start charging you.
31
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:22,240
Hey, so I am coaching
32
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,870
the office softball game
tomorrow against KQUT.
33
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:28,210
We got Carl,
Mason, Cheryl.
34
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:30,500
It's looking really good.
Cool, sounds awesome.
35
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,420
Yeah, softball's really fun.
I used to play a lot.
36
00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:33,710
Hey.
Yeah?
37
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:34,840
Do you want
to play tomorrow?
38
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,260
Absolutely not.
39
00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:37,180
Okay.
40
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,600
Okay.
Okay.
41
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,260
Alright.
42
00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:44,060
Well...goodbye.
43
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,600
Hey.
What?
44
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,270
What is wrong with you?
Why didn't you say yes?
45
00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:51,940
I thought you liked him.
I used to play in high school,
46
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:54,480
and I could get just --
I get a little bit competitive.
47
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,150
But that was
like 20 years ago,
48
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,490
so I'm sure you're
not even that good anymore.
49
00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:59,360
What'd you just say to me?!
Okay!
50
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,660
Have you seen these feet?
Do you know how fast I can run?
51
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:02,030
Have you seen these arms?
52
00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:03,620
Alright. I see your point.
Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,330
But, Nell,
he just asked you out.
54
00:02:05,330 --> 00:02:06,960
And if you do not
give a guy attention
55
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,960
within five minutes
of him giving you attention,
56
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,000
he biologically moves on.
57
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,630
That's fast.
I know. I saw it on TikTok.
58
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,710
You still brushing up on
how the youth dates these days?
59
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:19,380
Yes. Which is why I will be
your Crush Coach, okay?
60
00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:21,640
I'm gonna help you keep
the softball monster at bay.
61
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,310
So first things first, we got to
get you back in the game.
62
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,720
You're right.
Yes.
63
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,930
I'm going
to tell him I'm in.
64
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,350
Yes! Put some rizz on it.
Come again?
65
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,400
I need to step away
from social media for a while.
66
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,360
Dennis: The coffee on
the sports floor is next level.
67
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,110
Our coffee on the news floor
is so nasty it is undrankable.
68
00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,950
Yeah, I'm not
gonna drink it.
69
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,620
Hey, what are you
doing tomorrow?
70
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,240
We need one more player
for the softball game,
71
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,120
and I was hoping
someone was gonna take it,
72
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,580
but she didn't.
Who's the halftime performer?
73
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:50,210
If it's Beyoncé, I'm in.
If it's Katy Perry, I'm out.
74
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:52,830
No, it's just a casual game
against KQUT News.
75
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:54,500
Did you say KQUT?
76
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,710
Um, yes?
77
00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:57,590
I used to work for KQUT.
78
00:02:57,590 --> 00:03:00,300
Yeah. Almost had
an on-air career there.
79
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,510
Oh, cool.
Yes, it would've been cool.
80
00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:05,260
Would've been very cool,
until my office romance soured
81
00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:07,430
and my ex-girlfriend stabbed me
in the back after our breakup
82
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:10,270
and ruined all of my dreams
of reporting traffic
83
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,690
live from the chopper.
84
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:13,020
Well, luckily,
it all worked out.
85
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:14,360
You have a husband
and kids.
86
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,820
And they do their best.
87
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,860
But I always dreamed
of running into her
88
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:19,860
and telling her off
to her face,
89
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:23,620
and this is
the perfect opportunity.
90
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,490
Yes. Yes, I am in.
91
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:27,660
I'll need a mitten.
A glove.
92
00:03:27,660 --> 00:03:28,870
Yeah, okay.
93
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:31,080
Hey!
94
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,000
Hey, so, uh,
you wanted to see me?
95
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,710
I have very big news.
96
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,260
Edward and I will be having
our first date tomorrow night,
97
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,050
and I officially have
first-date jitters.
98
00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,430
Wow. This is a very busy day
for the Crush Coach.
99
00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,680
Okay, well,
this one is a no-brainer.
100
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:49,430
Just pretend that you have been
sleeping with Edward for weeks.
101
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,020
Because you've been sleeping
with Edward for weeks.
102
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,100
Yes, but a date is
so much more intimate.
103
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,440
Sam, we have to look at
each other from across a table.
104
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,280
Order from a menu.
Split an iceberg wedge.
105
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,320
Is an iceberg wedge
more intimate than...?
106
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,120
Oh, Sam, I plan on spending
the entire day prepping,
107
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,700
mm-hmm -- a blowout,
makeup, teeth whitening.
108
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:11,710
Alexis, did you know that
the newspaper is playing KQUT
109
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,290
in a softball game tomorrow?
110
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,710
I did not. I'll have it
canceled immediately.
111
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:16,250
C-Canceled? No.
112
00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:17,920
You see,
I've had a longstanding rivalry
113
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,420
with the station's owner,
Sharon Darynson.
114
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,470
At Rupert Murdoch's
White Party,
115
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,510
she stole that last shrimp
on the buffet
116
00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:27,140
right out from under me.
I had already called it.
117
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,970
I know how much you hate
shellfish power games.
118
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:33,350
So I want her to see me at the
game tomorrow with my daughter.
119
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:36,480
Why?
Because her children hate her.
120
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:41,110
Well, so much for
my day of date prep,
121
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,360
all because of my warm
relationship with my father.
122
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,450
Yeah.
123
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:47,870
Alright. I've been
thinking about it,
124
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,240
and I changed my mind.
125
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,790
I definitely do
want to be in the game.
126
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:55,040
Oh. Uh -- Oh, damn.
What?
127
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,670
I just gave the last spot
to Dennis.
128
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:58,710
What?
But you wouldn't mind
129
00:04:58,710 --> 00:05:00,300
giving Nell your spot,
would you?
130
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,630
No. I am going to go out
onto that court,
131
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,180
single-handedly
win the game,
132
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,590
and give Pearl
a piece of my mind.
133
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,520
Nell,
we'll miss you tomorrow.
134
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,270
Okay.
Dennis, I'm going to
135
00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:15,060
get you some softball tutorials.
Thank you.
136
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,810
Yeah.
137
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:18,730
Dennis...
Dennis, what the hell?!
138
00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:20,820
TJ wanted me to play.
If I don't make it on that team,
139
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,650
he's gonna biologically move on.
Oh, I did see that TikTok.
140
00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:26,570
But, girl, I cannot support
an in-office flirtuation.
141
00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,530
What?
No one should have to go through
142
00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:30,240
what Pearl and I did.
143
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,580
You're welcome.
144
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:34,960
Hey! See you on the field
tomorrow, buddy boy.
145
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,330
We'll talk crypto strat
in the dugout.
146
00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:38,830
Man: Thanks.
Sports.
147
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,920
Mason, good morning.
148
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,630
So, I need your spot
in the game tomorrow.
149
00:05:42,630 --> 00:05:45,170
Ohh, no can do,
Shmelly Nelly.
150
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,970
LinkedIn says
that out of office activities
151
00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:48,300
are the number one way
to network
152
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:50,140
and make meaningful
connections.
153
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:53,180
I didn't want to
have to do this, but, um...
154
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:55,560
I know some things
you don't want out in the open.
155
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,390
Like what?
Three words --
156
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:59,980
Christmas party.
Wrapping paper. Tina.
157
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,270
It's yours.
158
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:06,570
Wow, that was a good guess.
159
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,530
Welcome to the big game!
The Rumble in the Park,
160
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,290
the battle of the presses,
161
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,960
the first ever head-to-head
throw-down between KQUT
162
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,250
and your SoCal Independents.
163
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,460
Ooh! Hey, look at you.
Hey.
164
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,800
This outfit says I'm a player,
and I'm a playa.
165
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,510
I am.
Yeah.
166
00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:28,760
But I'm not sure I can
say the rest for my team.
167
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,010
Carl's doing Karate Kid.
168
00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,680
Ruth wore Birkenstocks.
169
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,260
And, Greg,
what is Greg even doing here?
170
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,140
Greg is allergic to bees!
171
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:37,680
Okay, so we're not going
to care about any of that.
172
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,230
We are going to focus
on flirting with TJ.
Right.
173
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,690
Got it, got it, got it, got it,
got it, got it.
174
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:43,320
Ooh, boy, that's a lot of gum.
Mm-hmm.
175
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,480
What's going on here?
What?
176
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,070
These look like they're from
the '80s and not the good part.
177
00:06:47,070 --> 00:06:48,860
Those are my lucky shades.
I took my team to state finals
178
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,700
in those.
They should have
stayed there, okay?
179
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,530
So time out. Pay attention
to your Crush Coach.
180
00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:55,870
Uh-huh.
Okay. There we go.
Head in the game.
181
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,410
These are the only plays that
you need to care about, alright?
182
00:06:57,410 --> 00:06:59,210
The first one is called
the Look Away.
183
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,710
Okay.
We're gonna smile.
184
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,790
Gonna laugh.
185
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,500
We're gonna look away.
186
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,960
I can do that.
Next up is the Squeeze Play.
187
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,550
This is how the Squeeze --
Oh, I know the Squeeze Play.
188
00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,050
This is when a batter bunts,
and the guy on third
189
00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:11,470
tries to steal home.
190
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:13,050
Get that
out of your brain.
191
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,390
That is disgusting.
192
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,770
The Squeeze Play
goes down like this.
193
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,020
Okay.
You do a touch.
194
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,100
Oh.
You do a squeeze.
195
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,390
Ooh.
You do a release.
196
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:23,190
I just got goosebumps.
I know!
197
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:24,560
Alright, well, thank you
for the training,
198
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,230
but don't worry,
I got this. Yeah.
199
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,530
Today is about me and TJ.
That's right.
200
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,400
I'm not even going
to think about the fact
201
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,320
that Cheryl is in the outfield
pulling dandelions.
202
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,160
Cheryl, what the hell
are you doing?!
203
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,330
Get up!
This is gonna be a long season.
204
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,790
To your feet, Cheryl!
To your feet.
205
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:41,540
Today's game is a veritable
who's who in news and softball.
206
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,710
I believe I spot
kajillionaire Duncan Rhodes.
207
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:46,130
How fun.
208
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:49,340
Chairs with no armrests
or cushions
209
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:51,340
or backs.
210
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,090
Well, well, well.
211
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:56,600
If it isn't
Sharon Darynson.
212
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,180
Look at her, huh, showing up
in her business casual,
213
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,140
trying to make me
feel bad,
214
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:06,230
like I'm some kind of stiff,
out-of-touch corporate titan.
215
00:08:06,230 --> 00:08:09,440
Well, not today,
Sharon Darynson.
216
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,190
Huh?
217
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,990
Do me a favor.
Hold this, will you?
218
00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:14,610
Put the hot dog down.
219
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,200
What the hell
are you doing?
220
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,620
Whitening trays.
221
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,580
I have a special meeting
later tonight.
222
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,460
Keep the mouth apparatus
away from Sharon Darynson.
223
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,710
Wow, I love the cleats.
224
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:31,050
Thanks. Yeah, I'm still the same
size I was in high school.
225
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,220
Okay.
226
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:36,850
Hey, team, let's huddle up.
227
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,470
Alright. I want today
to be all about fun.
228
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:40,520
Win or lose, we're
gonna have a great time.
229
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,810
Mm.
What position do you guys
want to play?
230
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:43,230
I don't care,
as long as I get the chance
231
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,770
to tell my ex-girlfriend
232
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:46,190
that she is a life-stealing,
poisonous serpent.
233
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:48,650
So...third base?
Yeah, sure.
234
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:50,820
Cheryl, what position
do you think sounds fun?
235
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,610
Well,
shortstop sounds cute.
236
00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:55,860
It sounds like short stack,
and I love pancakes.
237
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,620
That is cute.
238
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,040
Um, Coach, just, uh --
just curious. I-I really love
239
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,500
the, like, "win, lose, picking
positions for fun" thing.
240
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,910
But also,
when I used to play,
241
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,580
you know, we would give people
positions based on their skills
242
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:09,710
so that we had the best chance
at winning.
243
00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:11,460
Nell bringing the fire.
I like it.
244
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:13,510
Oh. Rah.
Yeah. Where do you want to play?
245
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:15,300
Oh, it doesn't matter to me,
but -- Shortstop.
246
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,550
Sorry, Cheryl.
247
00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:19,050
Mm!
248
00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:20,560
Ah, ow.
249
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,560
Okay. You can have shortstop.
Yay.
250
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,020
Cheryl, I think
you're gonna find
251
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,190
second base a lot of laughs.
252
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,440
Doesn't sound like
short stack.
253
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,900
Let's go ahead
and warm up.
Yeah.
254
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,940
I think I have three or four
bottles or something.
255
00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:34,070
Oh, God. Lexi's here.
256
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:35,070
Why don't you go
sit with her?
257
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,700
I can't.
Why?
258
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,320
I've prepared
two hours' worth of topics
259
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,700
to discuss
on our first date --
260
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,580
college, movies,
261
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,410
favorite land mammal
should get us through dessert.
262
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:46,460
But I can't afford to burn
through any of these
263
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,040
before tonight.
I'm sure you will
264
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,590
come up with something
to talk about naturally.
265
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,670
Open conversation isn't really
a comfortable space for me.
266
00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:54,550
If I know women,
267
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,760
Lexi definitely wants you
to come over there.
268
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,180
Oh, please don't come over here.
269
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,850
Go on.
Please don't come over here.
270
00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,640
Look at her, huh?
271
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,680
Trying to play
the mind games.
272
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:10,020
Yeah? I'll take the bait,
Sharon Darynson.
273
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,480
Hello, Sharon.
I didn't see you here.
274
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,950
I saw you see me,
so that's a lie.
275
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,200
So, how's TV news, huh?
276
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,570
Oh, I'm sorry,
are you legally allowed
277
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:25,540
to refer to what you spray
all over the screen as "news"?
278
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,500
Our numbers
have never been better.
279
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,540
How is print journalism? Is that
still circling the drain,
280
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:31,630
or did society
already flush it?
281
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,340
We're holding our own.
That's because
282
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,340
my asthmatic
97-year-old grandmother
283
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,340
still subscribes
to your paper.
284
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:40,510
She uses it to line
her cockatoo's birdcage.
285
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:44,100
She's incontinent.
The bird, not my grandmother.
286
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,520
Grandma's
as tight as a drum.
287
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,890
You know what?
You and your grandma
288
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,810
can insult me
all you want,
289
00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:50,650
but I don't think you're going
to be so full of yourselves
290
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,730
when you lose today.
291
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:54,270
Oh, really? Well, if you're
so sure you're going to win,
292
00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:55,730
why don't we
make a little wager
293
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:58,110
to make this game
a little bit more interesting?
294
00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:01,570
A little shrimp wager?
No, thanks.
295
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:04,580
Let's go jumbo,
Sharon Darynson.
296
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:08,250
Let's see who we have
in the crowd.
297
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,370
Any lovebirds
for the kiss cam?
298
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,500
Hello, there.
Hello.
299
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,750
So, this is softball.
300
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:21,220
Yes. I love how...
301
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:24,010
outside it is.
302
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:26,180
You're gonna do that
right out here in the open?
303
00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:28,850
What are you, a cop?
304
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,060
How's our girl doing?
305
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,390
She seems a little intense.
306
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:33,020
Nell! Hey, Nell.
307
00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:38,400
What the hell kind of sign
is that?
308
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,780
Pull your braid
over your shoulder.
309
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,570
It looks really cute
that way.
310
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,040
Like that.
You ready to play?
311
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,660
I was born ready.
Good.
312
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,410
Oh.
'Cause I'm gonna call this game
313
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,000
tighter than
a beetle's butt crack.
314
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,380
You're gonna rue the day
you stole my spot.
315
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,920
I am gonna
haunt your dreams.
316
00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,880
Batter up!
Geez.
317
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,630
Play ball!
318
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:04,970
♪ Here she comes now
sayin' Mony Mony ♪
319
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,220
Man: You're out!
320
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:09,640
Looking good
out there, Serrano.
321
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:10,730
Thanks.
322
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,940
♪ Come on Mony ♪
323
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:16,810
Great job out there, Carl!
324
00:12:16,810 --> 00:12:19,480
Yeah. Keep it up.
"It" being your glove
325
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,150
so that you don't miss
easy flies, okay?
326
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,660
Sam: Nell!
♪ You gotta toss and turn
and feel all right ♪
327
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:25,910
I mean I believe
in your ability
328
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,490
to use your hands
and your eyes!
329
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,660
You want a drink?
Yes!
330
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:33,620
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
331
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,210
♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪
332
00:12:36,210 --> 00:12:38,210
Mason: Safe!
What?!
333
00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:40,340
Safe?! Safe?!
Are you kidding?!
334
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,670
Did you see what I saw? Safe?
You know what's not safe?
335
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:44,880
You're not safe, Mason. So you
better sleep with one eye open,
336
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,890
you little bi-i--
337
00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:50,470
beautiful baby boy.
338
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,600
Mm!
339
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,520
Ah, rough start
for the SoCal Independents.
340
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,690
Let's see if someone scored
in the stands.
341
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,360
Have you...
342
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,570
seen any good movies?
343
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:06,360
Yes.
344
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:10,580
Awkward.
345
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,160
And now up to bat,
Dennis Simbeaux-Jones.
346
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,870
You got this,
Dennis, okay?
347
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:16,460
Pearl: Easy out!
You just get on first,
348
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:18,540
and ol' Nelly's gonna
take you right on home.
349
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,460
Easy out!
You know, I already
350
00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,010
told off Pearl
this morning.
351
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,590
Nell: Oh!
In the shower.
352
00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:25,680
In my head.
It actually went really well.
353
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,800
Mm. Did you get on base
in the shower?
354
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,470
'Cause that's
what I need you to do.
355
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:31,850
Okay. Let's go.
Come on, Dennis! Let's go.
356
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,890
Oh.
Whoo!
357
00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:36,310
Pearl: Yeah, easy out.
358
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,020
Also, he'll ditch you
on your birthday
359
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:40,320
to watch a preview
of "Shrek the Musical."
360
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,570
Previews are
where the magic happens.
361
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,580
Mason: Strike one.
362
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,370
Strike.
363
00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:53,870
Strike three. You're out.
364
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,330
Pearl: I told you.
365
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,420
Wrong way.
Dennis: Huh?
366
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,960
Got it.
367
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,840
I love the feeling
of winning.
368
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,800
It's like eating
the last shrimp.
369
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,760
I knew it was on purpose.
370
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,840
Of course it was. I saw the way
you looked at that shrimp
371
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,430
and then
made a yummy sound.
372
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:14,100
You left the tail
just to taunt me, didn't you?
373
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,270
Here's the kicker.
I'm allergic to shellfish,
374
00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:18,270
so it made my throat close
and my mouth laugh.
375
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,780
Yes! Yes!
376
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:34,830
Ah, another disappointing ending
for your SoCal Independents,
377
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,250
who are down 4-0.
378
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,040
Okay. Time out!
Nell? Okay.
379
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,000
How do you think
it's going today?
380
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,170
Well, I don't think we're going
to make it on SportsCenter,
381
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:44,800
but we're having fun
and doing our best.
382
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,050
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
383
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,170
Nell,
what do you think?
384
00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:49,090
Yeah, I-I think
what TJ said.
385
00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:50,220
Alright,
what if I told you
386
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:52,430
I had $1 million
riding on this game?
387
00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,180
What would you do differently?
I'd bring Carl in.
388
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,430
He can barely
pick up a stapler,
389
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:57,060
let alone
throw from the outfield.
390
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,600
I'd move Sara to first
'cause she can't run
391
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,770
in those heel spurs.
And Dave is a lefty,
392
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:02,190
so I'd bring him
to the right field,
393
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,520
and I'd push Jill to center.
Interesting.
394
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,940
Alright, give me the ball,
Skipper.
395
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:06,480
Alright, Nell's
the coach now.
396
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,150
Oh, I -- No, is --
He was doing great.
397
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:10,150
You came to win the game.
398
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:17,250
What the hell
you looking at?
399
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:19,960
Huh?
400
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,840
Here's where we're at, folks.
SoCal is losing,
401
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,170
romance is fizzling,
and rumor has it
402
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:29,340
there's a major wager
on the game.
403
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,130
I really screwed that up.
You did,
404
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,510
and I was giving you
all the signals.
405
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,470
What is that supposed
to even mean?
406
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:37,890
Your boobs look great,
and it makes me really happy.
407
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,770
We've been drinking.
408
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:40,980
Okay, what am I
supposed to do now?
409
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,310
Duncan wants me to win,
410
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,770
TJ thinks I'm
a softball monster,
411
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:45,730
and now our flirtuation
is a disaster.
412
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:48,440
That is called
a "flirsaster."
413
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,110
That's funny, Cricket.
414
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,530
Cricket, this is
not funny, okay?
415
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,530
This is a very
delicate situation
416
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:54,950
where one person needs to admit
that they like the other one,
417
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,700
but we're running
out of time.
418
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:57,950
Come on, Crush Coach,
what am I supposed to do?
419
00:15:57,950 --> 00:15:59,500
Let me consult the experts.
420
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,960
I follow this great
22-year-old influencer.
421
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,580
She will know
exactly what to do. Okay?
422
00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:04,330
Are you two
really looking at social media
423
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,290
to figure out how to
talk to people and be real?
424
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,750
Yeah.
Yeah.
425
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,420
Do you know what we did
in my day?
Mnh.
426
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:11,510
We talked to people,
and we were real.
427
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,800
That sounds so hard.
It's a lot of work.
428
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,340
Yeah.
429
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,930
Wow. Was that fast?
430
00:16:17,930 --> 00:16:21,060
Yes.
Ohh. Good.
431
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:24,400
Does this
do anything else?
432
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,810
No.
433
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,740
I feel like
this isn't working.
434
00:16:32,740 --> 00:16:34,240
I was hoping
it was just me.
435
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,740
Maybe we're just
not meant
436
00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,660
for this whole
sitting and talking thing.
437
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:40,450
Maybe we're just
two sexual beings?
438
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,120
Only meant for bodily connection
and nothing more?
439
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:48,790
Oh, good God.
Look at Mason gulping that down.
440
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,920
I've seen buzzards
with more self-control.
441
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,800
I hope he got consent
from the water bottle.
442
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,590
Look at Ruth.
She's holding on to that bat
443
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,470
like it's
her second husband.
444
00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:00,430
I hear the bat's refusing
to go to couples' therapy, too.
445
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:07,480
Hey. So, um...
446
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,190
I'm sorry.
About what?
447
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:11,230
You're this nice
chocolate chip cookie,
448
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,280
and I'm a softball monster.
449
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,110
Are you okay?
450
00:17:15,110 --> 00:17:17,910
I've been trying
to hide this part of who I am,
451
00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:19,330
because I didn't
want you to see
452
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,290
that I'm actually
really competitive.
453
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,080
Oh, I already knew that.
454
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,670
Mason: Strike three!
You're outta here!
455
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,880
Tina: And that's the bottom
of the sixth, folks.
456
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,040
Alright,
let's take the field.
457
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,090
So you don't care
that I'm so...me?
458
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:35,420
Are you kidding?
I love how passionate you are.
459
00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:36,840
So, you like me?
460
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,720
Like, like me, like me?
461
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,930
Nell, I come to your floor
every day
462
00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:43,060
to have coffee
that tastes like New Jersey
463
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,140
just to see you.
464
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:46,940
Yes, I like you, like you
very much.
465
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,650
You said it.
Yeah, I did say it.
466
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:49,810
Yeah.
Yeah.
467
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:54,280
Wait -- Um, you're kind of
leaving me hanging here.
468
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,030
Because I don't know.
469
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:58,160
I have to think about it.
Yeah, of course.
470
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,280
You're a dummy!
Of course I like you.
471
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,290
You do?
Yeah. Play better, though.
472
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,000
It's embarrassing.
473
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,500
Are we playing ball,
or are we playing grab-ass?
474
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,330
Let's go!
475
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,350
Okay!
476
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:28,020
Top of the ninth.
It's a real nail-biter.
477
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,100
Bases are loaded. Two outs.
478
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,440
This could be the last chance
for SoCal Independent.
479
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,190
Print journalism could really
use a win here, folks.
480
00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:37,190
Alright, Dennis! Let's go.
Alright, Dennis.
Dennis, let's go.
481
00:18:37,190 --> 00:18:38,990
Remember, you should
be reporting live
482
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:41,620
from a flood zone right now,
but Pearl took that away!
483
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,990
Tina:
And as luck would have it,
484
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,540
up next is
Dennis Simbeaux-Jones.
485
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,000
Oh, crap.
486
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,330
You can do this,
you excitable little fella
487
00:18:48,330 --> 00:18:50,500
whose name
I keep forgetting.
488
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,080
You're such
a great leader.
489
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,750
Yeah!
Nobody's stopping my Dennis.
490
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,170
That's quite the stance.
That is --
491
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,760
That is an interesting stance.
Oh.
492
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,880
Here comes the pitch.
493
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,850
Ow!
494
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,180
Oh! Yes!
Oh! Oh!
495
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,270
Ow!
496
00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:10,270
Take your base.
497
00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,600
Yeah!
Yeah!
498
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,980
Yeah!
Dennis, you did it!
499
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,270
You stood there
and you did nothing,
500
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:15,480
and now you get to
go to first base!
501
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,570
What is this game?
502
00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:17,860
Let's go!
503
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:19,400
Let's go, baby!
Run!
504
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:23,030
Pearl, you're going down.
505
00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:25,700
Ben: Yay, Denny!
506
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,660
Oh, Benny,
you guys made it! Hi!
507
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,410
Whoo-hoo!
508
00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:35,590
What am I doing?
509
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,340
No, no, what is he doing?
Just go.
510
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,590
Oh, for crying out loud.
511
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,470
Nell: No. No, no, no, Dennis!
No, no!
512
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:45,970
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, Dennis.
513
00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,430
Dennis, go back! Go back!
Aah!
514
00:19:47,430 --> 00:19:50,480
Runner outside the base path.
You're out!
515
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:55,610
That's the ballgame!
516
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,020
How do I get out?
517
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,820
The door over there!
Thank you so much.
518
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:00,490
And that's out number three.
519
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:03,200
This game is over.
Who's giving me a ride home?
520
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,780
You think you'd take
a million dollars
521
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:06,580
instead of
our actual bet?
522
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,540
Not a chance.
523
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,790
Uh-huh. Yeah.
524
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,960
Sorry we lost.
Ah, we almost had it,
525
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,750
but Dennis really imploded.
Ugh!
526
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:19,050
Is that gonna be us?
An office romance gone wrong
527
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,970
that's gonna haunt us
for years?
528
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,380
Wow. Romance.
That's a big word.
529
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,680
Yeah. You're right.
530
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,640
How about this word?
Mm?
531
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,010
Date.
532
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,230
Yes. I'm in.
533
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,230
He asked me out.
534
00:20:40,230 --> 00:20:42,190
And that is
how you play the game.
535
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:44,280
That's how you play the game.
Wait a minute.
536
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,320
Did you say that already?
I just said it.
537
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,750
We lost the game.
538
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,160
And since you were the coach,
the buck stops with you.
539
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,880
And you'll have to pay
the bet that I lost
540
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,210
to that petty woman,
Sharon Darynson.
541
00:20:58,210 --> 00:20:59,750
I don't have
a million dollars.
542
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,300
Oh, this is worse.
543
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:06,050
You will be taking care
of Mrs. Crumball
544
00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:08,220
for Sharon Darynson's
grandmother
545
00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:10,680
until she gets back from
her cruise.
546
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,730
Around the world.
547
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:13,930
It was Dennis' fault.
548
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:15,390
I don't know who that is.
549
00:21:15,390 --> 00:21:16,810
Okay.
40453
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