Original subtitles

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

No, Willona. Mama and J.J. are not back from house hunting yet.

They should be back soon, all right? Talk to you later.

Hey, Michael, wouldn't it be great if we could live in this house right here?

It has five bathrooms... Two upstairs, two in the back...

and one little one in the entryway.

I guess they have that one just in case you can't make it to the other four, huh?

Hey, Thelma, why are you jivin' yourself looking at those rich people's houses?

- Well, I can dream, can't I? - How could the Evanses afford a million-dollar house?

Well, we could start out by buying day-old bread.

Well, frankly, I'll live anyplace that has two bathrooms.

- Yeah, but knowin' J.J., he'll probably buy a gas station. - Hi, kids.

Hi, Ma. Hey, J.J.

Ooh. We found a place.

- Yeah, it's got two bathrooms. - Yeah? Gulf or Texaco?

Ma, you found a house? Yeah.

What's it like? Is it pretty? Has a porch and a backyard... Wait a minute. Hold on!

At least give me a chance to sit down.

Tell us. Tell us.

- Now, the house needs some work. - How much work?

Just a little work, like, uh, carpets, drapes,

paint, walls.

- Walls? - Oh, J.J., it's not that bad.

A few of the walls do need plastering.

Nothin' that a batch of Thelma's oatmeal couldn't fix.

Ma, where's the house?

Hmm, well, it's at, uh, 63rd and Wilson.

Not exactly one of your high-rent districts.

No. Matter of fact, neighborhood's so tough,

the Welcome Wagon is a tank.

J.J., it can't be any rougher than it is livin' here.

- Ma, when can we see it? - Well, you can see part of it right now.

J.J., where did you get that doorknob?

Well, I went to pull the door open and the knob came off,

then the door fell off.

- J.J., who's livin' in the house now? - Jacqueline Onassis,

only she can't afford to make the payments.

It's been vacant for three months.

Except for the rats, but they doin' a great job with the place.

J.J., instead of puttin' the place down for what it is now,

why can't you see it for what it could be... what we can make of it?

I guess you're right, Ma. I was so busy tryin' not to build up our hopes, I...

I guess I was tearin' down our dreams.

You know, it's really not a bad $15,000 house.

And we gettin' it for a real steal for 25.

That's a steal?

Well, now, honey, in this crazy, inflated housing market,

homes are selling for two and three times what they're worth.

Hmm. But I still can't believe it. Our very own home.

Well, now, Thelma, let's not get carried away.

You know, a house is like the harvest moon.

It looks so close you can almost touch it,

but it's really a million miles away.

- We still got to get that loan. - You know, Ma, that's not gonna be easy,

especially with this redlining business.

Michael, what's redlining?

That's when white bankers draw red lines around black areas...

and don't give up no green.

Well, Michael, there is more than one way to skin a cat.

You know, to qualify for that F.H.A. loan...

we only have to come up with three percent down.

Hey, three percent of $25,000... That's $750.

Boy, I tell ya. If this cat ever blows a fuse, we in deep trouble.

It shouldn't be hard to raise the down payment, because we've all been workin'.

I've been doing very well driving the school bus. I have saved $250.

Yeah? Well, I saved $50 from my box-boy job down at the supermarket.

Yeah, and Keith's doing well drivin' the cab.

And me workin' at the boutique... You know, Ma, we've saved $350.

Oh, honey, that's wonderful.

Hey, look. Ma, your $250, plus my $50 added to Keith and Thelma's $350...

That give us $650.

All we need is a hundred dollars more. Yeah.

Uh...

All right, J.J. Where's yours?

Hmm?

I said, what about you? You've been painting

signs for that department store downtown.

Oh, yeah, Ma. I did paint 25 "fire sale" signs.

All right, J.J. Where's the money? Well, I never got paid.

I made the mistake of puttin' up the signs two days before the fire.

I know you better than that. You got some extra

cash stashed away somewhere. Now give it up.

Take it easy. Take it easy now. Come on, J.J.

I want everybody to turn their backs, close your eyes.

What? No peeking allowed.

Stop kiddin' around. Turn your backs, now. Come on.

All right then.

All right, Michael. Here you go. My entire

life savings donated to the Evans house fund.

Three dollars?

Brother J., you will be sleepin' on the porch.

J.J., what happened to all your money?

Well, Ma, I had a big date with Heavy-duty Hannah, and I needed somethin' special...

Somethin' that would make a real impression of my masculinity, but somethin' subtle.

So I knew when I saw this jumpsuit that this had to be me.

Lord, have mercy.

J.J., where did you get that... At Tarzan's garage sale?

A hundred and 10 dollars?

J.J., you spent $110 on this "junksuit"?

Brother J.J., I don't believe that, man. We need the money for the house.

You better take this back before it bites somebody.

Help!

Now... Now wait one minute. What is this?

Hey, Willona, take it easy.

This happens to be our down payment on our new house.

House? Flo?

Flo... Flo, you found a house? Mm-hmm.

I'm happy for you, Flo.

Flo, I'm gonna miss you so much. Oh, girl, I'm gonna miss you too.

Oh, okay. Now look. Tell me about the house.

Willona, it's just what I always dreamed of.

It's got a private backyard where I can grow my own fresh vegetables.

And then a big kitchen where Thelma can cook 'em.

Yeah, and a big garbage disposal where I can get rid of 'em.

Well, well, well. So the Evans family is buying a house.

Bookman, how did you know that?

Nothing gets past these ears.

Nothin' gets past that stomach either, Buffalo Butt.

- So where is this house? - 63rd and Wilson.

Mm-hmm. And knowin' that neighborhood, that house is gonna need a lotta work.

- Just like the projects, huh? - When things break, there ain't gonna be nobody to fix it.

Just like the projects.

That's not true. Just last week I put a brand-new lightbulb in your refrigerator.

Oh, now come on, Bookman.

You know, if you hadn't been stickin' your big head in there all the time,

we wouldn't need no new lightbulb.

You know what I'm gonna miss about you, J.J.? No, what, Bookman?

Nothing. Tell you what.

If you like, I'll go over there and inspect the house.

I'll check out the wiring, the furnace, the foundation.

- You'll do that for us? - Hey, what are friends for?

Oh, Bookman, you're full of surprises. That is really sweet of you.

- And since you're friends, I'll only charge you $10 an hour. - Out.

Five. Out! Out!

A sandwich or somethin'? Out before we roll your fat... Out.

Ain't he somethin'? Ah, well, I gotta be goin' too.

But look. Congratulations and keep me posted, okay?

Oh, Flo! I'm so happy for you.

You know what? I've always wanted a house of my own...

and garden of my own and a man of my own, hmm.

I could do without the garden, you know that?

See you all later, okay? Bye, Willona.

Bye, Willona. Bye-bye.

I'm gonna miss that girl. Not half as much as I'm gonna miss you.

All right, Ma? What's the next step on our new house?

Well, first thing tomorrow, we've gotta put down a deposit.

And then we gotta apply for a loan.

But remember, everybody.

The payments are gonna be high, and it's gonna be a struggle.

But with all of us pullin' together, we can make it work.

Don't worry, Ma. It's gonna be a pleasure to struggle for somethin' all our own.

- That's right. - Oh, Keith.

Tell him.

Keith? Keith, guess what. Ma and J.J. went out today, and they found a house.

We are really buying a house!

That's great. And all this time I thought it was just talk.

I didn't think we could do it either, but we finally found one we could afford.

Yeah, and we're all chipping in.

Ma is using all of her savings, and so is

Michael and J.J., and we're throwing in ours too.

Throwin' in ours? Hold it. What do you mean, we're throwin' in our savings?

Yeah, we need it for the down payment. Otherwise, we can't get the house.

Then I guess you can't get the house, 'cause

there's no way we're partin' with our savings.

I can't believe you said that. I already told Ma we're gonna chip in.

Well, maybe you should've asked me first.

Well, maybe I should've, but I thought I knew you better than that.

Hey, Keith. I mean, what is it, man? Are you part of this family or what?

All right, Michael. Thelma.

I'm sure Keith has his reasons. So y'all just back off and let him have his say.

Thanks, Ma. I hope I don't sound selfish.

No, you don't sound selfish. You sound more like a leech.

Hey, look. I want Thelma and I to have a place of our own one of these days.

That's why we're saving. Keith, we will.

But going in with the family right now is

just temporary. As temporary as Lake Michigan.

After the down payment you got the taxes, the insurance, the mortgage.

We'd never have anything to set aside for our future.

I understand, Keith, if that's what you want.

Maybe you're right, Keith.

We could be livin' with the family for years and years, but...

No, you don't, Thelma!

J.J., please.

You know, Keith, man, I guess we weren't thinkin'...

- countin' you in without even asking you. - - Mm-hmm.

You know, Keith, when I look at you and Thelma, I see me and James...

Just starting out, all full of hopes.

I only wish I had the money. I'd buy you two that house tomorrow.

- You would. - Mm-hmm.

Well, hey, what's the matter? Aren't I a part of this family? Count me in.

Say what?

I said, count me in.

See, in my family, it was always everyone out

for themselves. Nobody gave anything to anybody.

I guess I'm not used to a family that gives like this one does.

That's the only way we can live.

That's why we ain't got nothin' now.

Well, you got one thing, and that's love. Right.

And I am a part of this family. So if you need our money for that house, you got it.

Thelma, we got plenty of time for our dream. Oh, Keith.

All right, kids. I want you on your best

behavior. We want to make a good impression.

What you doin', fool?

Thelma, the hidden camera's up there.

I wanna make sure they get a good shot of me just in case there's a holdup.

J.J., with that face, you're liable to set off the alarm.

You got some nerve, with your old coyote face. Just shut up!

Get outta here, you old pumpkin head. All right, you two. Stop it!

People are beginning to stare at us. Hey, what's happenin'?

Excuse me. We need to apply for a loan.

Yeah, Winfield. Uh-huh.

Those executive desk exercises you showed me are great for gettin' rid of tension.

Yeah. Oh, I do 'em every chance I can get. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Right. Uh, about the loan. Now, um,

we can only authorize 6.5 million for that apartment complex.

Uh-huh. Good, good. Then I'll put it through right away. Fine.

Mm-hmm. Give my love to Bambi. Bye.

- Now, what can I do for you people? - Six million dollars?

I think we're in the wrong place. We only want a small housing loan.

Oh, no, no, no. No. This bank gives the same consideration to the little man...

as we do to the big corporations.

Well, then in that case, we'll take 10 mil in small bill. J.J.

Will you please take a seat?

Oh, uh, just sit down, hmm?

Now, who's applying for the loan?

Well, actually, it's a joint venture.

Aha. All right. Then, uh, who is the head of the household?

Er, uh... uh, she is.

I'm Mrs. Evans, and this is my family.

And here's the information we got from the real estate agent.

Uh-huh. Well, let's have a look at this then.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hmm!

You know, I'd really like to give you the loan.

I can see you're really wrestlin' with yourself.

Oh, uh, don't mind me. I'm just getting rid of tension.

I hope you can get rid of some cash just as easy.

Now, I see that the house is in the one of the more lived-in areas, hmm?

Yeah, the newest house there is a cave.

However, you seem to have made a very good buy.

Does that mean we get the loan?

Is that... yes... or... no?

It's... I think I hurt myself.

- What about the loan, man? - Well, I'm afraid we can't.

- Why not? - What I mean is that, uh,

this is a little too risky for the bank to handle,

so I think that we should go through the F.H.A.

Now, uh, that would be $25,000 at three percent.

- That'd give you $750. - That would give me 750...

We got our own model right here.

All right. Now, the, uh, loan procedure is really very simple.

That's not that hard. J.J., will you stop it!

Now, first we'll have to verify your credit. So how about a list of creditors?

We don't have any.

If we can't pay cash, we do without.

Shh-shh-shh! What are you saying?

That could ruin the entire American economy.

I mean, where would this country be if we didn't all owe more than we could pay back?

No need to fret, no need to frown. Brother J. owes money all over town.

Um, I owe 15 big ones to Larry,

and 35 big ones to Fist-face McGee.

- Well, I'm afraid those don't count. - Tell them that.

Ah, yes. Well, Mrs. Evans, maybe we can

pass this loan on your record of employment.

Um, how long have you held a full-time job?

Well, we all work part-time. I work 25 hours per week.

I work 20 hours a week. And I work 15.

I work 12. I toil approximately 16 hours a week.

All added together that's 88 hours a week.

And that's more hours than Johnny Carson works in a whole year.

Well?

- I hope you're just exercisin', man. - No.

No, I really would like to help you folks,

but the F.H.A. regulations do require full-time employment.

Well, I'm sorry. I don't make the rules.

But you do interpret the rules.

Now full-time employment is defined as 40 hours a week.

Between us we have twice that amount.

I don't recall a rule that covers this particular situation.

Oh, boy, I'm beginning to feel stress.

And since there is no rule, that means that you have the power.

Well, one could say that, couldn't one?

Well, here's five of us sayin' it now.

Let's make that six. I'm gonna pass this loan as fast as I can.

All right! Yeah!

- What kind of tension does that release? - Racial.

J.J., what kind of wine did you get?

Well, when Mr. Rutherford called and told us we had the loan, I spared no expense.

Look at this. "Château Bonaduce,

from the sunny 'slops' of the Bonaduce Brothers' estate."

J.J., Brother, don't you mean the "slopes"?

No, it's "slops," Michael. They own a pig farm. Oh, J.J.!

Hey, is this party on the road? Oh, Willona!

Oh, I'm so glad you came.

Aunt Florida, we got a present for your new house.

Oh. Oh, thank you, Penny.

Isn't that a beautiful welcome mat?

I guess you know, you two will always be welcome.

We're gonna miss you all so much.

Oh, Penny, I'm gonna miss you too.

And, Willona? Hmm?

What am I gonna do for some hot gossip?

Yeah, and who am I gonna tell it to?

No need to worry, 'cause when Willona Woods talks,

everyone listens.

- All right. - Well, look who's here...

The poster boy for "Save the Whales."

Is that any way to talk to the man who's gonna

get you a great deal on wall-to-wall carpeting?

Ah, Bookman, we know about your great deals.

No, this is legit. Now, what are the square feet of the house?

We don't know. Why don't you come down and stand next to it...

so we have somethin' to compare it to?

Now, y'all stop pickin' on Bookman.

That's all right, Mrs. Evans. Let 'em insult

me. That's the only way I know they love me.

Yeah, Bookman, and when you come over to visit us,

we'll just tell our neighbors you're our pet water buffalo.

I think that's enough love for today.

Come on, Bookman.

Oh, come on in, Mr. Rutherford. Join the celebration.

Ah, Mr. Rutherford. Hey, everybody, let's have a big toast for Mr. Rutherford,

who paved the way for us to get the loan from the F.H.A.

- Mr. Rutherford! Hallelujah! - No. No, uh, please. Please.

- Uh, Mrs. Evans... - Oh, call me Florida.

Well, I can imagine what you're gonna call me when I tell you the news.

Uh-oh. I thought you said the loan was approved.

Well, the loan was approved, but... the house is unavailable.

I don't know how your real estate agent slipped up,

but you see, that area has been scheduled for urban renewal.

Some developers are gonna construct a shopping mall there...

to try to lure the suburban middle class back to the inner city.

Well, if you tear down our houses,

where are we urban lower class supposed to live?

I'm afraid nobody's solved that problem yet.

I can't tell you how badly I feel about this.

- Flo, honey, I'm sorry. - That's all right.

I am too, Mrs. Evans.

Michael, it's all right. Don't cry. I'm not cryin', Ma.

Oh, my Lord.

I just feel so disappointed for you!

You did the best you could. We all know that.

I know, but i-it's... It's just not fair.

You're such fine people. You get one step ahead, and they push you back two.

Look, Mr. Rutherford. This family has faced disappointments before,

and we always come through.

Yes, but you deserve a better house than this.

It's not the kind of roof we have over our heads.

It's the family under the roof that counts.

You're all so... so brave.

Mr. Rutherford, you gotta find yourself another line of work.

Look, everybody.

Turn on the music. Now, we may not have a party,

but we could still have a good old-fashioned wake!

♪♪

Come on, Mr. Rutherford. Come on! Oh, come on.

Get into it, Mr. Rutherford.

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪ Good Times was videotaped before a studio audience.