Original subtitles

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Oh, listen. What Mrs. Garner didn't know...

was that Mr. Garner got back from Detroit two days earlier.

And, honey, when Mr. Garner walked into that house...

Like that commercial where the woman says,

"My man wears English Leather or nothing at all"?

Well, the dude that he caught her in there with...

was not wearing English Leather, baby!

You know where I'm coming from?

Willona, I told you I had this bus maintenance report to get out.

How do you expect me to concentrate with all this noise?

Noise? I don't hear any noise.

You, Willona. I meant you.

Me, noisy? Now just look what you made me do.

"Second gear squeaks, especially when that dude stands there wearing nothing at all."

If my dispatcher reads this, I'll have a lot of explaining to do.

That ain't nothing compared to the explaining Mrs. Garner gonna have to do.

I tell you. If I didn't hate gossip so much... What?

Flo. Flo, come here.

- Come here, come here, come here. - What is it?

You smell it?

Yeah!

Sort of smells like ham. Mm-hmm.

Burnin'. Maybe someone set fire to Howard Cosell.

Oh.

Ma, what's that smell?

I don't know, Thelma. It's goin' all through the house.

Maybe the garbagemen are on strike.

In this neighborhood? How could you tell?

It don't even smell like this neighborhood.

Smells like something out of this world!

♪ I am the sunshine of my life ♪

♪ That is why the women hang around me ♪

♪ I feel like this is the beginning ♪♪

It smells more like the ending.

Hey, look here, catfish face.

I'll have you know this is not a smell.

This is an aroma, a wafting fragrance.

Oh, that's just great. Half a million brothers in Chicago...

Some sing, some dance, this one's wafting.

That's a new cologne, isn't it, J.J.?

Oh, yeah, Ma. How'd you guess?

The houseplants are drying up.

Let me see that mess.

Ooh!

"Tenderloin." They call this stuff Tenderloin. You believe that?

Look here Keith. I'll have you know...

many women get passionate at the smell of food.

Matter of fact, for another buck, 50,

I could've gotten myself some clam chowder.

Yeah, then you could have wore some oyster crackers under each arm.

Son, why don't you take some of your art-class money...

and buy a decent bottle of cologne?

You know, the girls don't want to spend an

evening with a man smellin' like a TV dinner.

I know, Ma. But I was desperate.

- Vanessa kind of caught me off guard this time. - Vanessa?

The Vanessa Blake is back in town?

Hold it, J.J. Who is Vanessa Blake?

Well, let me put it to you this way, Ma.

If she hadn't had to go to New York to visit her relatives,

she may have been your new daughter-in-law.

That's serious.

Yeah, Vanessa is different than them other girls

I go out with, like Myrna the Human Burner.

She's got real class.

Matter of fact, M&M'S won't melt in her mouth.

Wow, I wish I'd been here to meet this girl.

The Sahara Desert ain't sayin' nothing...

compared to the heat wave they was makin' last summer.

Where are you gonna take her, J.J.?

Last summer he woulda taken her to La Maisons de la Concorce. Hmm!

Hey, wait a minute. I know that place. It's expensive.

Mm-hmm, one of the fanciest in Chicago.

It's a revolving restaurant on top of a skyscraper.

Yeah, that place is so exclusive you don't go to the john, it comes around to you.

Yeah, that was in the old days when I was rolling in the big bucks.

Well, I certainly hope you've told her that you lost your job since then.

Oh, now, come on. Y'all worry too much.

But you are gonna tell her, aren't you?

Of course I'm gonna tell her, Thelma.

Look, me and Vanessa don't keep anything from each other.

We're real tight. That's how come she love me.

Check. Hey, don't worry about it, Ma.

When you see Vanessa, you'll see when they

created her, they broke the mold.

They didn't break the mold, they just took one look and dropped it.

That's not Vanessa. Come on.

Evenin', folks. We're up here to unstop the bathtub.

At 7:30 in the evening?

Yeah, Bookman. Shouldn't you be home learning how to clone leftovers?

Laughing at your superior is gonna cost you.

Now I'm docking you 15 minutes pay.

Hey, Bookman, uh, who's your new assistant?

This is T.C., everybody.

Hey there, T.C. Hi.

What'd I tell you about fraternizin' with the tenants?

Hey, now, she was just sayin' hello. What is your problem, Booger?

"Booger"?

Now that's 30 minutes pay.

Bookman! Hey, man.

Look, six months ago I wrote downtown and asked for a raise.

But did I get a raise? No-o-o!

I got a kid on a federal CETA program...

that can't tell a screwdriver from a wrench.

Now that's an hour!

Oh, for crying out loud! Give her a break.

Oh, it's all right. He already docked me so much, I think I owe him money.

And don't you ever forget it. Now let's get busy before I really get upset.

Hey, J.J., you wearin' a new cologne or something?

Oh, yes, it is, Bookman.

I think it smells fantastic.

Thank you, Bookman. Thank you very much.

- See there, Ma? - J.J.

That's Bookman!

A bath in mayonnaise would please him.

You just hang in there, okay, T.C.?

Yeah, he signs the time sheets, you know? T.C.!

All right! All right, fatso.

Now that last remark is gonna cost you a whole day!

Get on in here! Come on. Get on.

That must be Vanessa.

- Uh, Billy Dee. The door? - Oh, yeah.

J.J., darling!

Vanessa, my contessa.

We've been parted much too long.

Did you fly here on gossamer wings? No. T.W.A.

But, J.J., you were on my mind so much,

I saw your face on all the clouds.

Rained all the way, huh?

Uh, over here is my brother-in-law Keith,

and you remember my old, ugly sister over here, frog face.

Well, we were just gonna go bowling.

- Would you guys like to come? - Oh, no, thank you.

The night air is just murder on my lip gloss.

Real class! Real class!

I tell you, this woman out-vogues Vogue,

out-Harper's Harper's Brassiere.

That's so cute. I'll see you later, Flo.

- Nice seein' you again, Vanessa. - Ciao.

Hamburger to you, sweetie.

Uh, Vanessa, I would like for you to meet my mother.

Uh, Vanessa. Mumsy.

Hello, Vanessa. I've heard so much about you.

My, what a beautiful voice!

You know, people with full, deep voices...

just make me tingle all over.

Well, then, why don't we sit down on the couch here.

Well, J.J., we've got so much to talk about.

Now tell me, did you ever get that big promotion you were up for?

Things have changed.

0h, well, yes. Genius often goes unrewarded.

I was dating this real estate agent in New York,

and he lost a big client.

And he had to cancel his order for a Maserati...

and settle for a Porsche.

Poor guy. Real tough break.

Excuse me, Vanessa, but would you like a cup of coffee or anything?

Oh, no, thank you, Mrs. Evans. I mean, I do like coffee,

but hot liquids are just murder on my...

Lip gloss, I know.

She's charming. Yes.

Well, darling, tell me. What are we going to do tonight?

Well, I figured we'd play it by ear,

since your lobes are so "wubblely."

Ohh, he's so considerate.

In that case, darling, I was thinking maybe we might have dinner and then see a show.

Any suggestions?

How about McDonald's and Hawaii Five-O?

Ohh!

McDonald's and Hawaii Five-O!

Oh, J.J., you're such a joker.

But, seriously darling, well, I was thinking...

maybe we would have din-din at La Maisons,

and then we could see The Wiz.

And then, I know of a fabulous after-hours roller disco.

Roller disco? I don't have a skate key.

Oh, J.J., do stop it.

Uh, listen, Vanessa, about La Maisons?

I think J.J. has something he wants to tell you.

- Right, J.J.? - Uh, yeah.

Uh, Vanessa, about La Maisons... Yes, J.J.?

Well, uh, tonight's their, uh, busiest night,

so, uh... So?

Uh, yeah. Uh, so,

we'd better get down there early if we wanna get a good table.

- What? - Uh, just go wait outside for me.

I'll be out there in a moment.

J.J., have you lost your mind?

You can't afford La Maisons.

The hatcheck girls there even drive Rolls-Royces.

Ma, give me credit for havin' some common sense.

I mean, I got myself into this.

I can get myself out of this...

by myself, if you don't mind.

Thank you.

Ma, could you give me the name of the

mildest dish-washing detergent to your hands?

Try... lip gloss.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you. "Mercy boo cup."

You see, J.J. This place isn't so crowded after all.

Yeah, that must mean the food here is not that good.

Let's go. Honey, we just got here.

I mean, the least we can do is look at the menu.

Oh, yeah.

Well, what do you think?

Well, the Jell-O looks nice.

Darling, you're looking at the dessert page.

Now come on. Let's look at the dinners.

All right. All right.

Did you hear what the surgeon general says about French cookin'?

It's hazardous to your health.

You know, you could get your croutons stuck in your crepes.

J.J., don't be gauche.

Monsieur Evans.

Oh, Monsieur Evans, what a pleasure to see you again...

after all these many, many months. Uh-huh.

You have been away on business, oui? Oui, oui, oui.

Uh, Francois, oui, yes.

I am glad you decided to come back to us at La Maisons.

And I will be looking forward to serving you myself, monsieur.

Y-Yes. Yes. I forgot about this.

Karl Malden's bringin' over my traveler's checks personally.

Uh, would you care for... a cocktail?

Yes. No.

Uh, I mean, do you have anything made from a lot of water?

Oui, monsieur. We call it "ice."

Too funny, Frenchy. Too funny.

Francois. Mm-hmm.

I'll have the filet mignon, and I'll start with the escargot.

Ah, fine. The snails are very plump this year. Oh.

Yeah, you would be too if you ate all day was mud.

J.J., people are starting to stare.

Perhaps monsieur would care for more time to decide?

Yeah, good idea.

Sacre bleu!

And, uh, Vida Blue to you too.

J.J., do you know how embarrassing this is?

Now, what's the matter with you?

Uh, Vanessa, my contessa, I, uh...

- I lost my job. - You what?

Uh, you see, Vanessa,

uh, they had to lay me off a couple months ago.

Uh, I can't, uh, even afford this French restaurant.

I can't even afford French toast. I'm sorry I even brought you here.

You could have at least told me.

I wanted to, but every time I looked into those big, lovely eyes,

I... I just didn't have the guts. You got every right to be mad, but...

Mad? Oh, J.J., what kind of a woman do you think I am?

You mean, you're not upset?

I thought you'd really be upset by this whole thing. Upset?

Oh, J.J., I'm a very understanding person.

But, right now, I have to go and powder my nose.

And I will be right back.

Boy, Evans, you have pulled another one out.

Boy, I don't know how they did Mission Impossible without you for all those years.

Ma! Willona.

What y'all doin' here? We just came to help you out of this.

We're gonna say your sister is very sick, and you have to come home in a hurry.

We could tell her the truth... That you are sick in your head.

Now take it easy, y'all. Take it easy.

I talked with Vanessa, and everything's under control. She understands everything.

Matter of fact, she'll be back in a minute.

Hey, everybody, I want y'all to meet Francois.

Francois, this is my mother and this is Willona. Enchanté, madame.

"Sassy boom."

Uh, will you two be taking the young lady's place?

- Young lady? What young lady? - Well, the young lady you brought here.

Before she left, she told me that you would be dining alone, monsieur.

She left? She's gone?

Why, of course. I had her personally escorted to a taxi.

Now, will you be dining alone or will the two ladies be joining you, monsieur?

Monsieur? Monsieur Evans?

Monsieur?

Oh, Keith, I just don't know.

I've never seen J.J. so depressed.

Walks around all day with his head down.

I saw him. He looks like a golf club.

He says he's swearing off women forever.

He even wants to have Valentine's Day abolished.

He doesn't mean that. I said the same thing myself before I met Thelma.

Listen. I'll talk to him. There's nothin' to worry about.

Thank you, Keith.

There's a whole lot to worry about.

Oh, listen, J.J.

Son, I know how hard it is to lose someone you really care about.

But you'll meet other girls, as soon as you take off this outfit.

I feel like I'm talkin' to a guru.

J.J., as girl-crazy as you are,

how can you let one woman completely destroy you like this?

Hmm? It's not just Vanessa, Keith.

I mean, when I had a job, girls were comin' through the window.

Now that I'm out of work, I can't even get a cat to rub up against my leg.

I tell ya, the Sultan of Swoon is busted like a balloon.

- J.J., that's not true. - It is so, Ma.

In the old days, Cupid use to come and shoot his arrow through my heart.

Now when he comes in, he just blows me away with a .357 Magnum.

Let me tell ya. I'm finished.

J.J., everybody strikes out once in awhile.

I can give you a thousand good reasons why girls would be attracted to you.

Yeah. Oh, yeah? Name one.

One? I'll give you three. Uh, you're tall, you're dark, you're han...

And you got a good sense of humor. Keith!

Right. I need some more words to describe you, J.J. I'm gonna go and check it out...

right now in the dictionary... some words to describe J.J.

J.J., he didn't mean any of that.

Nice try, Ma.

Hey, J.J., guess what.

I found a girl who is very interested in you.

Thelma, I told you before. I don't wanna meet any girls,

I don't wanna see any girls, I don't wanna...

Who is this girl?

- T.C. - T.C.

Now, isn't this wonderful?

That's all I need to add injury to insult, salt to the wound.

Thelma, forget it!

Hi, J.J.

How ya doin', T.C.!

Hey, I heard about your little problem, and...

Well, I'd like to go out with you sometime, if you'd like to.

Hey, look here, T.C. I don't even have a job.

Go out there and get yourself one of those rich sugar daddies like everybody is.

J.J.!

Oh, I'm sorry, T.C. Well, at least we gave it a try, huh?

Aha! So there you are...

Goofin' off, dodging work, out of uniform.

Boy, your paycheck's gonna look so bad this week,

you'll get sympathy cards from the I.R.S.

You're lucky I don't fire you for this. Good!

Then you won't have to waste you breath, balloon belly, cause I quit!

Wait a minute! You quit?

That's right, Bookman. So you might as well fire me.

Because I'm not comin' back until you start treating me...

- like a human being. - All right.

Now look here, T.C.! The name is Theresa, Buffalo Butt!

So you can just... You can just take your job,

and you can use this on it!

Okay, okay, okay, Theresa.

Look, you can't quit on me now.

I mean, I'll-I'll fall behind. You'll blow my schedule.

And you may even have to do a little work.

Look. Tell you what. You know that silly little day I docked from your pay?

Mm-hmm. It's yours.

Plus coffee breaks. Yeah, yeah, coffee breaks.

It's a deal. But one thing.

I don't share my six-pack of doughnuts with nobody.

Oh. I'm sorry, Mrs. Evans.

No, no, T.C. There's no need to be sorry.

It took a whole lot of heart to stand up to Bookman the way you did.

It certainly did, T.C.

I mean, uh, Theresa.

- Enough heart to take to dinner? - Uh, like I told you before,

I don't... I don't have a job.

- I'm broke. - So what? I'm not.

You mean, you'd take me to dinner? Sure.

That is, unless you've got something against dating a super's apprentice,

or unless you don't mind McDonald's.

Uh, I love McDonald's.

Matter of fact, Mayor McCheese gave me a key to McDonaldsville.

Good! Then see you tonight at 8:00? It's a date.

Ahh! Oh, and, Thelma?

Bye.

You see that, J.J.

You still got it! Yeah.

Now, it's just a matter of how to spread it around...

Real cheap. Oh!

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Just lookin' out of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how it all looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪

♪♪ Good Times is videotaped before a studio audience.

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪♪