Original subtitles

Thelma, you're gorgeous. You're sweet. You're the best woman I've ever met.

And I'm not marryin' you for your cookin'.

What... Wait, wait, wait. Would you re-re-re-repeat that?

I said, I'm not marryin' Thelma for her cooking.

Is that a proposal? It is.

We accept!

Oh! And-And Mom's gonna be at the wedding too.

I'm home!

Well, I'd better come right to the point.

Well, let's do that. How much, and how soon?

Right now.

I don't find this easy to say, but we're gonna have to let you go.

Let me go?

Well, look, Sweet Daddy ain't marryin' her,

but I'm the one lent you the money to pay for her weddin'.

Trust me, Sweet Daddy, I'll pay you back somehow.

I know you will, 'cause you're lucky.

See, Tight-lip Mary ran it down to me...

that your sister is marryin' a big-time football player...

who is up for a million-dollar contract.

So Sweet Daddy's gonna use that sucker for collateral. Uh...

I've been waiting a long time to give you this.

Oh, Ma. I'm gonna give it right back after the wedding. Oh, no, you won't.

Oh, Ma, this is something you've always treasured.

That's why I'm giving it to you, honey.

My mother gave it to me, and she treasured it too.

Aah! Keith!

J.J., my man, you in trouble.

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

And tonight, the conclusion of "Florida's Homecoming."

Hey, Michael, just don't be leanin' on the ladder like that.

Hold the thing. I could fall and hurt myself.

Not if you fall on your head.

Hey, Michael, don't hassle me.

I got enough problems as it is.

Keith is blaming me for busting up his million-dollar leg.

J.J., now, you know that wasn't your fault, man. It was an accident.

I know that, Michael. I even went to the hospital to see him.

But he put out a sign outside his door that says,

"Do Not Disturb. Occupant Deceased."

Then I tried to write him a get-well card,

and he sent 'em back marked, "Suck eggs."

From that, I drew the conclusion that...

I was not on his Christmas list.

But that doesn't make any difference.

I'm still on Sweet Daddy's critical list.

Hey, J.J., you think he'll send his hoods after you?

Let me put it to you this way, Michael.

Don't have no fans around here,

'cause something's gonna be hittin' it, and it's gonna be me.

J.J., you're so skinny...

that you'd go right through the blades without gettin' touched.

You know, Brother, that's not the only problem you got on your hands.

- Oh, yeah? What's that? - You can't spell.

B-R-I-D-L-E is for horses.

Michael, I did that to loosen things up around here.

'Cause, see, I know that Keith and Thelma are

gonna be spendin' their honeymoon in there,

and there's gonna be a lot of horsing around.

Girl, did you notice what they were chargin' for a head of lettuce?

Hi, kids. Hi, Mom. Hi, Willona.

Aw. J.J., you misspelled a word.

That "bridle" is for a horse.

Well, Keith and Thelma are gonna spend their honeymoon in there.

There's gonna be a whole lot of horsin' around.

I laid an egg. So did J.J.

But it's a lot harder for a rooster to do it. Whoo!

Hey, J.J., come on. Let's go finish with the bridal suite.

In a minute, Michael. Hey, Ma,

I sprayed the bridal suite with my special new cologne...

called the Die Hard...

Guaranteed to get you started even on the coldest days.

I laid out Keith's fanciest silk pajamas and Thelma's sexiest nightgown.

If that don't stop Keith from hating me, nothing will.

J.J., when he sees her in that nightgown,

honey, he won't only forget you, he'll forget October, November and December,

and maybe even New Year's Eve.

Poor J.J. He means well,

but he's just like that little old lady driving down the freeway.

Nothing happens to her, but right behind her there's a 10-car smashup.

Lord, girl!

Well, I'd better get busy if I wanna have a nice dinner...

waiting for Keith when he gets home from the hospital.

Lord, have mercy. What is that? Oh, it's the pipes.

That Bookman. He's been promising to fix this faucet...

ever since I got home.

Keith and Thelma were looking forward to spending a nice honeymoon someplace.

Now they gotta spend it here.

Well, it's like having a bridal suite on the Titanic.

Well, let's hope they won't have to stay here long.

Good afternoon, ladies. Hey.

Hey, Booger, don't you ever knock?

No. I always go for gin.

Hey, that ain't the way to spell "bridal suite."

- Oh? - Suite is S-W-E-E-T.

Where's all your boxes? Y'all ain't packed yet?

Oh, my God!

You told me before the wedding you'd be moving out at the end of the month.

Bookman, in all the excitement, I forgot.

J.J. lost his job, and Keith didn't sign his contract.

So we're just gonna have to stay here.

No, it's too late. Oh, come on, Bookman.

You couldn't have rented the place already.

Say what? Why do you think I'm up here to fix the faucets?

He rented it.

Oh, Bookman, come on. You can't do this.

They have no place to stay. Hey, that ain't no skin off my behind.

You wouldn't miss it nohow.

- Mr. Bookman? - Uh-huh.

"Mr. Bookman" when you want something.

Whatever happened to "Buffalo Butt"?

I don't remember anybody around here calling you that kind of a name.

No? What about "Whale Tail"?

"Moby Dick"? "Blubber Butt"?

I never called you any of those names.

You blew it. Everybody else did. I'm sorry. The apartment's rented.

Oh, Bookman, you know that Keith had an accident.

- What's that got to do with me? - Well, he's coming home from the hospital today.

I still don't see what that's got to do with me.

Bookman, can't we discuss this...

over a nice piece of sweet potato pie?

Now, that's got something to do with me.

Look, I'm only accepting this just to be social. Okay?

I mean, it has no bearing on your staying.

Well, I made this for Keith.

But he certainly couldn't eat a whole pie.

That's right. With his leg busted up, we

don't know whether pie is even good for him.

Yeah, if he ate a whole pie, it could make him sick.

Thank you.

Mmm. Mmm! Delicious!

Good Lord, potato pie tastes good.

You know somethin'? It's too bad your kids are always making fun of me.

- Now, why would you say that? - Like yesterday, one of 'em wrote on the elevator,

"2,000-pound capacity or Bookman."

- You know, I got feelings too. - Of course you do, Booger.

Uh, I mean, Mr. Bookman.

You know, people think I'm fat because I overeat.

It's not true. I just have big bones. Oh.

Darling, you got the biggest bones I...

And I'm just crazy about them bones.

Mr. Bookman, how would you like...

some ice cream to go with your sweet potato pie?

Oh, no, no. What kind?

We got chocolate and strawberry.

My favorite. You know something, Mrs. Evans?

Call me Florida.

Thank you, Ms. Woods. Call me 31 Flavors.

All at your disposal, and nothing gets by your disposal.

You know somethin'? I was just thinkin'.

The Hawkins family... I don't think they'd make very good tenants.

They all look like they're on diets.

Besides, y'all are very nice folks. Oh!

Hey, there, Moby Dick, what do you hear from Buffalo Butt?

Yeah, you cause any tidal waves lately?

On second thought, I think the Hawkins family are gonna love this apartment.

Michael, J.J.? Yes, Ma?

Mr. Bookman has just been kind enough...

to say he's gonna forget about us telling him we were gonna move out.

Hey, thank you, lardo.

Your heart's almost as big as your old buffalo buns. J.J.!

Just jivin', Bookman. Just jivin'.

Hey, look. It's all right. Everything's cool. Y'all can stay.

But I gotta go, because me and Mrs. Bookman's going out to dinner.

You know, he's okay, and I was gettin' tired of calling him Buffalo Butt anyway.

Let's see now. Rhino Rump.

Rhino Rear. Has a good ring to it. That's a good one.

- I'll see y'all later. - Okay, Willona.

Well, Ma, we should be thankful. At least we have a place to stay.

Whoever thought we'd be thankful for this?

Don't worry about it, Ma. I'll get a job.

I mean, I'm black, young and from the ghetto.

And all the unemployment statistics point to the fact that...

I'm gonna remain an unemployment statistic.

Oh, now, J.J., don't give up hope.

- Hi, everybody! - Hi, Thelma.

Hey, Keith. Welcome home, Keith.

Hey, brother-in-law! Hold it right there, J.J.

Back up.

Oh, come on, Keith. Now take it easy, huh?

As long as I gotta stay here, I want that totem-pole brother of yours...

at least one room length away from me.

Thelma, why don't you make Keith comfortable on the couch?

Okay, Ma. Come on, Keith.

Now, Keith, you know that...

J.J. was just trying to welcome you home. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Everything's gonna be all right.

I'm gonna protect you. Nobody's gonna even touch that leg of y...

Uh, I guess I just got a little carried away.

Thanks to you, I got carried away.

Ma, doesn't Keith look wonderful?

Oh, he looks fine, Thelma. When are you gonna join your football team?

Dr. Bronson, my surgeon, said I should be off these crutches in a couple of weeks.

But as far as playing football, he wants a second

opinion from another orthopedic specialist.

Hey, don't get a second opinion. The only reason doctors want a second opinion...

is so they can afford to invest in condominiums.

Hey, newlyweds, how would you like to take a look at your bridal suite?

Oh, yeah. And that was all J.J.'s idea.

Terrific. You know, a week ago,

Thelma and I were moving into a penthouse suite overlooking Lake Michigan.

You could see the sailboats sweeping across the lake.

Now look at the view I got...

An alley with Bookman's underwear on a clothesline.

Well, when there's a good breeze,

Bookman's drawers billow out just like a sail.

Keith, look. We have to make the best of this, okay?

This is not what I had in mind for our honeymoon. Look, Keith.

I'll try to make it up to you. From now on, I'll be your complete honeymoon service.

I'll be at your beck and call. All you have to do is just sing out...

anytime day or night,

knowing that my ear will be at your door.

I mean, uh,

I will always and never be far away from your bedside.

Uh, what I, uh...

What he means is he didn't mean any of that.

Hello? Yes, he is.

Oh, okay. Um, it's Dr. Bronson, Keith.

I guess he has that second opinion.

Okay, Doc, let's hear it.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, thanks for the word, Doc. Bye.

Keith? What did Dr. Bronson say?

- Nothin' good. - You mean you can't play football anymore?

Sure, I can. Anytime I want. Except for one little problem. What?

He said if I ever get a good hit in this knee, I'll never walk straight again.

Well, there goes everything down the drain... my contract, my future.

Didn't even get a chance to play pro ball.

Went right from a never-was to a has-been.

Keith, don't give up.

Keith, you know, the doctors could be wrong.

Those were two of the best orthopedic surgeons in the world.

They both agree it'd be murder if I tried playing football again.

Well, Keith, get a third opinion,

a fourth opinion, a fifth opinion.

There must be one of those doctors who's got more guts than the other ones.

Thanks, toothpick.

Oh, come on, Keith. Can't you look at the bright side of things?

Like what? Like things are never as bad as they seem.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

Or as one old wise man once said:

"You got nothing to worry about as long as you got your health...

and two good legs to stand on."

J.J.!

Keith, remember, you still got a college education.

Yeah, great. All they taught me was to play football.

From now on, I'm a typical black Ph.D...

Poor, hassled and depressed.

Keith, man, it's not the end of the world.

Um, Keith, would you like a nice, cold beer?

No! Well, let me put the pillow underneath your leg.

Would you stop naggin' me? Naggin' you? I...

Um, Keith, look.

I, uh... I'm only trying to help you, you know,

and I do know what you're going through.

How the hell do you know what I've been going through?

Did you smash you knee? Did you lose a million-dollar contract?

No, and I'm trying not to lose a husband.

- Baby, I love you. - Do you really love me?

- Yes. - Then get off my case!

Wait a minute. Hold on, Keith. Man, I know you're hurtin',

but you ain't been married to my sister long enough to start yelling at her.

Hold on there, Michael. Hold on. Let me handle it.

Take it easy.

Hey, look here, Keith. Thelma has done nothing to hurt you,

nothing at all, except for marry you.

Uh, I'm sorry, Thelma. That didn't come out right.

Uh, what I mean is, if you want somebody to pick on, I'm your man.

How do you want me to kill myself, commit hara-kari?

Jump in Lake Michigan and pollute myself to death?

Eat Thelma's cookin'? Tell me, how do you want me to kill myself?

Give me a little time and I'll think of something real good.

Now, Keith, you're not being fair.

You're acting as if J.J. hurt you on purpose.

That's right, man. He was just taking your picture, and you tripped over him.

- Yeah, I was the one that got rear-ended. - I don't believe this.

I don't believe this! I'm the victim,

and everyone's feeling sorry for poor, misunderstood J.J.

Hey, Keith, brother-in-law, I think you should back up there a little bit.

You know, you're not the only victim around here.

My brother J.J. just lost his job, but he still paid for your wedding.

And I was supposed to go to college, but now that's out.

You see, I have to pitch in and help around here.

So there goes my big dream.

Wait. You back up. Back up, Michael.

Now, you're going to college just like your daddy and I always planned.

Mama... Nobody's gonna kill that dream.

Mama, I know you need the extra money around here.

Michael, you can get a part-time job.

And instead of going away, you can go to college right here in Chicago.

Oh, wow. Man.

Now listen, everybody.

We've had lots of adversity. Lord knows we have.

But we've never let it get us down before,

and we're not gonna start letting it get us down now.

Now, we're gonna fight our way out of this. Things have just got to get better.

Not necessarily, Mama. Not necessarily.

Look, Mr. Bloodsucker,

I don't take too kindly to folks like you barging into my home without an invitation.

Madam, you are so right. Claude.

Inviting Sweet Daddy.

So, how's that for proper... protocol?

You watch this protocol.

You get out of here now, or I'm gonna call the police.

Well, then call my apartment, 'cause that's where they playin' cards at.

And you can tell the chief of police that Sweet Daddy said hello.

Hi, J.J.

Oh, hi, Sweets.

Look, y'all ain't got nothin' to worry about.

I just came by to give my deepest sympathies to the injured one.

- Thanks a lot. - Not you, fool.

Him. Me?

I don't have an injury. That's an oversight that is about to be corrected.

What is he talking about, J.J.?

Well, Ma, I borrowed a thou from Sweets to pay for Thelma's wedding.

Yeah, at $400 a week interest.

Four hundred dollars? You're nothin' but a robber!

Madam!

No, no. You see, I prefer to think of myself...

as a provider to the needy.

And when Sweet Daddy casts his bread on the waters,

he expects it to come back with extra slices.

Dig?

Don't be sacrilegious.

This family pays its debts.

Now, you gonna get your thou,

but you won't get one cent of that crooked interest.

You dig?

No interest?

Woman, is you a Commie?

I mean, I ain't no social agency.

We got to think of Sweet Daddy's image.

You don't have one.

Vampires don't cast images.

Funny! You got a funny son. I mean, that's very funny.

I'm gonna remember that if you ever grow up.

Now, folks, let's just get serious.

Boys, go over there and break the bones of the bony one.

You'll have to come through me first. And me too!

- And me too! - And me too! Who the hell do you think you are, man?

You overdressed termite.

I don't believe this.

Fellas, this is funny. I mean, don't you recognize what we got here? Dig it.

- Here they are... the black Waltons. - Wrong.

They're nice. We're mean.

Oh, yeah? Well, pretty mama, we can be meaner.

Let's bust up this place so I can collect my stuff.

Hold on, Sweet Daddy. I got a bike that can get you at least $35.

Oh, yeah? Well, I can pay little Johnny a dollar, and he'll steal it.

Hey, look here, Sweets.

I got some paintings that'll be worth a lot when I'm dead. Oh!

That's funny.

I got my all-American ring. Solid gold.

I don't wanna hear no sad story, man. How much is it worth?

About $20. Twenty dollars.

You must be crazy. What's going on here now?

Ma?

Hey, what have we got here?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Aha. Looks like an antique. Might be worth somethin'.

I don't know what it's worth to you,

but it's worth everything to me.

My mother gave me that locket, and I've waited all these years...

to give it to my baby.

But if it makes you feel like the big man you think you are,

you keep that locket and give me my son.

And take your hats off in my house! Yes, ma'am.

Didn't you hear what the woman said? Take off your hats.

Go over there and look at the door and do something.

Uh, ma'am, I know this is gonna sound kind of strange,

but, well, Sweet Daddy's mama...

used to wear a locket just like that, and I really loved that woman...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna settle for the thou.

But I got one thing to say, and dig this.

If anybody ever mentions one word to me...

that they heard about Sweet Daddy showin' some kindness,

baby, I'm gonna come back here and really raise hell!

You understand me?

Sweet Daddy?

- Bless you. - Oh, God!

All right. Everything looks good now.

Oh, Keith!

You all right, man? I'm all right.

I gotta stay away from him.

Thank you, Jesus.

We're a family again.

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪ Good Times was videotaped before a studio audience.