Original subtitles

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪ ♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

If you are not home in that bed in 30 seconds,

you're going to have hot buns before breakfast.

But aren't we gonna wait up for Michael and Thelma though? Twenty-nine, 28...

Shoot. Even Marie Osmond knows more than I do.

Go on. I'll watch.

Hey, Willona, are you tellin' me that...

Thelma and Michael are not home yet?

Me, the eldest, is home first? That's right.

Well, then. What are you doin'?

I'm gettin' ready to make another date. At this hour?

No problem. I'm goin' out with Bess the Midnight Express.

She starts late, but makes no stops.

I seen Bess. She looks more like Porgy.

Oink, oink.

Well, I'd better go change into some threads...

more apropos for the late, late, late show.

J.J., what's goin' on? Since Flo has been away,

you kids have been runnin' wild.

I tell ya, I don't know how much more I can take of this.

Aw, take it easy, Willona. Evans family is doin' just great.

You know what I mean? I'm a big-time advertising exec.

Michael's gettin' ready to go to college. Thelma...

Well, you know, you can't win them all.

A little too conservative for me.

J.J., I know you're makin' a good salary,

but must you spend all your money on clothes?

Why don't you put some money in the bank?

Because I attracts more interest this way, Willona.

The bank only gives away free calendars.

Me, I get the live merchandise.

Well, Willona, how you like it?

You want my honest opinion?

Yeah. Why not?

You look like a Q-tip dipped in Mercurochrome.

Hey, hi, J.J. Hi, Willona. You all sure are up early.

Gramps, just one minute. You know what time it is?

Yeah, Michael. Don't you think you got something to say here?

Sure. Go on.

Good night. I hope yours was as good as mine.

Michael?

Now, the only time you stayed up this late

before was when you were doin' your homework.

Well, Willona, I may not have been at home,

but I was workin'.

As a matter of fact, I gotta say good-bye to all these women...

before I leave for college.

Hey, Michael, you don't leave for college for two weeks yet.

It's gonna take you that long to say good-bye to all those foxes?

- If I hurry. - Hmm.

Well, in that case, Michael, that's still no reason for you...

to be comin' home this late.

So me bein' the brother superior and head of the house,

I'm gonna have to command you to your room.

Oh. Good night. But I'm confiscatin' this notebook.

Hey, Brother, you can't take away my gusto. J.J.!

Hold it! What is goin' wrong in this family?

You're all comin' in late, don't have your meals together anymore.

You don't even see each other for days at a time.

You all are gettin' on my nerves.

Have any of you noticed what's happening to Thelma? What's wrong with Thelma?

Well, she's coming in late, acting distant.

And when I ask her where she's been, she doesn't hear me!

- Hmm. Sounds like she's in love. - Or going deaf.

J.J., I'm serious. All right, all right.

When she gets home, I'll have a good,

old-fashioned, heart-to-heart talk with her.

And then we'll get to the bottom of this here problem.

Well, here's the bottom.

Good evening, folks. I mean, good morning, folks.

Booger, what are you doin' nosing around here this time in the mornin'?

Hey, this is trash day. Better get down there before the truck leaves without you.

You know, I come up here to do you people a favor, and all I get is insults.

I don't need this. Bye. Bye.

- I'm going now. Bye. - Adios.

Well, I mean, if nobody's worried about where Thelma is, it's fine with me.

Booger, wait. You know where Thelma is? Yeah.

I just saw her. Where is she? Is she all right? Where is she?

Hey, I don't wanna upset nobody, you know. Negro, please.

Tell me where she is. Sittin' down right in front of this building...

in a big, long, red Cadillac neckin' with some dude.

What? There's only two kind of dudes in the ghetto can afford a fancy car like that.

One is a numbers runner, and the other is...

I'll kill her! Hey, wait, J.J.!

Did you recognize the dude?

Well, I-I tried. Lord knows I tried.

But they were kissin' so hard, they fogged up the windows.

I'll teach him to mess with my sister!

Hey, hey, hey. I think he already knows how.

I'm glad I could be of help. Have a nice day.

I'll tear him apart! Let me at him!

Let me handle it, J.J. You're too excited.

I'll talk to Thelma rationally and calmly.

Thelma, where the hell have you been?

Hello.

The car windows isn't all that's fogged up.

Oh, I've never seen a man so wonderful.

So tall, so strong. Just so perfect.

Thelma, forget about me.

What I wanna know about is this window-fogger you've been goin' out with.

His name is Keith. Keith Anderson.

Hey, he's got the same name as that black

football player who almost won the Heisman trophy.

Michael, that is him. It is?

You mean you, the ugly duckling, has snagged the golden goose?

I read in the paper that he's in town to sign

a million-dollar contract with the Bears.

A million-dollar con... Thelma!

The night's young yet.

What are you doin' home so early? Go catch the man.

Maybe you'll get him at a red light. J.J., stop! Stop!

Girl, sit down and tell us. How'd you meet him?

Well, he introduced himself to me after he saw me dance at the community center.

And I didn't even know he was a football player.

Thelma, when are we gonna meet him? Yeah!

Really, really soon. I've been going out with him for about a month,

so I decided to invite him for dinner.

Dinner? Yep.

Who's gonna do the cooking? I am.

Ooh!

Thelma, you're gonna ptomaine the goose before he lay the golden eggs?

Thelma, wait a minute, baby. I wanna ask you one question.

How does Keith feel about you?

I don't know, Willona, but I do know one thing for sure.

I love him, and I just can't stop hoping that he loves me too.

Look at this dress. It's stuck. I can't zip it up.

Thelma, that's because it's got buttons on it.

Is Keith here yet?

No, no, no. He's on his way. J.J., what do you have there?

Some Chinese food. I thought Keith may like some.

I got here some moo goo "cow pang,"

some "Mangolian el beefo,"

some Peking duck,

and a chicken that lost his passport.

J.J., you know I cooked a roast.

Hey, y'all. Is Keith here yet?

Willona, what's all this? Oh, nothing.

Just a couple of dozen hors d'oeuvres I threw together.

Oh, come on now. If Keith eats all the food you brought,

he won't have any room for mine.

We know.

Oh, um, now I think that's him.

That must be him. Now look, I want Keith to be really comfortable.

So just... Everybody, just be yourselves.

Except for you, J.J.

Hi, baby.

Keith? Excuse me, Keith.

Could I have your autograph?

Thank you.

Hey, Penny, don't bother the man with autographs.

Autographs are very silly.

They ain't nothing but somebody's name scribbled on a piece of paper.

Most of the time you can't read 'em anyway.

That's all right. I don't mind.

Well, in that case, make it out to J.J.,

the man who has created more moves than prune juice.

Keith, this is my brother J.J. Glad to meet you. Thelma's told me a lot about you.

I deny every word.

The girl's gotten into a bad habit of lying.

Well, she told me you were a talented artist,

had a good future and, uh, were very handsome.

As I was saying, Thelma has never lied a day in her life.

And this is my other brother Michael. Glad to meet you, Keith.

I saw your last football game, and that touchdown you made was on the money.

Thanks, Mike. No problem.

And this is our little neighbor Penny.

Hi there, big boy.

Ah, yes, my little chickadee.

I'd like to sing a little ditty for you... "You Light Up My Nose."

Oh, Keith, I didn't know you were an actor too.

Hey, well, I took drama in college.

That's why the teacher made me go out for football.

This is our best friend and Penny's mother, Willona Woods.

How are you? You're lovely. You're as beautiful as Thelma said.

Ooh, child, honey, he's a natural.

He ain't even got the ball yet, and he's already scored a touchdown.

Well, Keith, dinner will be ready in a minute. All right, babe.

Hors d'oeuvre? How about some moo goo "cow pang"?

Wonderful Chinese delicacy. Hey! Come on. Cut it out!

Willona, come and help me in the kitchen, please.

I'll help too, Thelma. Oh, Keith?

I watch football on TV, and could you tell me one thing? What's that?

Why does the man who call the numbers...

always have to lean over and tickle the man who hands him the ball?

That's to warn him if he doesn't hand it right, he might get more than a tickle.

You know what I mean? Yo, I got a question for you.

How come there aren't any head black coaches in pro football today?

'Cause we players can't afford to take the cut in salary.

But there's gonna be some black head coaches someday real soon.

I hope so, brother. I mean, this is the 20th century. All right.

All right then. Well, let's get down to the main...

most important aspect of professional sports.

What's that? That happens to be product endorsement.

As you know, I'm a big-time advertising exec.

Michael, my cigars, please.

Now, your name is Keith Albert Anderson, right? Right.

Well, you know, there's O.J. Simpson. From now on,

you're gonna be known as K.A. Anderson,

better known as Kool-Aid Anderson!

Way out, huh? Way out, J.J. You're onto something there.

Well, you know. What can I say?

There's plenty more where that came from.

You know how O.J. Simpson runs through airports and rents cars?

Well, from now on, you're gonna run through bus stations and rent airplanes.

Say, how about renting out advertising space on my uniform, huh?

No doubt about it. "Eat At Ed's" right on the back there.

I'm tellin' you, boy, what we got to do is incorporate you.

Yeah. Between my brains and your athletic ability,

there's no tellin' how much bread we can slice together.

All right. I hear that, man.

If your brain's gonna be behind this whole organization,

I got the perfect slogan for your ad company. Oh, yeah? What's that?

"Get a Piece of the Rock." Wahoo!

Michael, answer the phone while I think of an answer for that wisecrack.

Hello? You wanna speak to Keith Anderson?

Who's calling? It's a guy by the name of Mr. Compton.

That's my agent. I told him I'd be here.

Hi, Al? Oh, they made us another offer, huh?

Oh. We're 15,000 apart.

Yeah.

Well, don't give in, man. No.

Yeah, let me know what happens. Yeah, see ya, baby. Okay, later, Al!

Give me a call!

Okay, dinner's ready. Okay, let's go to the Colonel's.

Oh, look at the roast. Thelma, the roast looks absolutely beautiful.

Not half as beautiful as the cook looks. Heard that.

Well, I guess I'll carve.

J.J., aren't you forgetting something? Oh, yeah, right.

Lord, who parted the Red Sea over Egypt's coast,

please perform the same miracle on Thelma's roast.

Just carve the roast, turkey.

I remember my college coach always had us say a prayer before each game.

I still remember it.

Dear Lord, we humbly ask your blessings...

for our team and our opponents.

Let us be gentle and righteous, for peace and love are all that matters.

Now let's get out there and kick their butts! Hut, one! Hut, two! Let's eat!

Cut the meat, man.

J.J., why don't you use the sharp end of the knife?

Michael, I am.

But I think an electric hacksaw would be more appropriate.

Thelma's used to cooking in a radar oven.

Yeah, but the radar kept locatin' enemy submarines.

I tell you, ain't nothing like a good, firm roast to strengthen your teeth.

Yeah. Smiling Leon Spinks eat here all the time.

Uh-oh, Michael. I think it's alive. It's startin' to fight back.

Get the gun out, Michael! Get the gun!

Attack of the roast monster! Shut up, fool!

- Come on. Cut it, baby. - Little piece.

Small sliver.

Yeah.

It's good, huh?

Melts in your mouth, don't it, brother?

No one cooks like Thelma.

Not in this world.

This meat is tougher than the Dallas defense.

- Keith! - Honey, who cares?

Look, Thelma... Thelma, you're gorgeous. You're sweet.

You're the best woman I've ever met.

And I'm not marryin' you for your cookin'.

What? Wait, wait, wait. Would you re-re-re-repeat that?

I said, I'm not marrying Thelma for her cooking.

Is that a proposal? It is.

We accept!

Thelma? Uh,

Keith, I-I don't know. Hey, baby, we ain't got much time.

I already told you, as soon as I sign this contract,

I gotta go off on the road with the Bears.

And I'll feel a lot better if I know you're Mrs. Anderson.

So if we're gonna do it, this Saturday has got to be the day.

Oh, Keith, I love you and everything.

But, um, I can't say yes until I talk to my mother, and she's in Arizona.

Let's call her!

We'll call her collect. Come on, J.J. Dial that phone.

We'll call her collect. She's been waitin' 21 years to hear this message.

Come on, girl. Shh! It's ringing. It's ringing.

Hello? Hi, Ma.

Oh, no, everything's fine.

Uh, I just wanna get married.

Hello? Hello?

Oh. His name?

Keith Anderson. He's a football player.

And, Ma, I gotta marry him right away.

Oh, of course I'm not, Mom!

Um,

Ma... Ma, he's going on the road soon.

And, Ma, I love him. But I just want your permission.

Will I marry him if you say no?

Yes, Ma, I think so.

Well, if I love him that much... Marry him? Marry him?

Girl!

Um... Um, this Saturday.

Oh, Ma, I wish you could be at the wedding.

Oh, Ma, I love you. Okay, bye-bye.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Mom.

Oh, Keith. Yes, Keith, yes.

Oh! And Mom's gonna be at the wedding too!

I wonder where are they? What could be keeping Ma and J.J. so long?

Ma's plane landed over two hours ago.

Thelma, Thelma, just calm down. They'll be here.

Yeah, I should've never let J.J. go pick Ma up.

J.J. can't even pick up his own socks in the morning.

Thelma, you know J.J. wanted to do this whole thing on a first-class basis.

As a matter of fact, he borrowed a limo from Ferguson's Mortuary.

Hi, y'all. Is Flo here yet? Oh, no, Willona.

I don't know. I hope nothin' went wrong.

Oh, honey, calm down. You're a nervous wreck.

Yeah, I guess I am upset. You know,

Willona, last night I couldn't sleep at all.

You know, that's natural. You're gettin' married tomorrow.

That means two nights without sleep.

- Gramps! - Willona, I'm just telling it like it is.

I don't believe it. Little Thelma Evans a bride.

You're gonna be so happy together.

Marrying a rich, handsome football player.

Why couldn't it happen to me?

Oh, Willona, I'll throw the wedding bouquet to you.

Forget the wedding bouquet, honey. Throw me a football player.

Well, I shouldn't be upset...

because my ex, Roger the Dodger, and I,

we had a fantastic wedding, I tell ya.

Honey, I walked down the aisle with my peau de soir silk,

and six bridesmaids threw rose petals as I stepped down the aisle.

It was a beautiful wedding.

Only thing that spoiled it was the marriage.

Well, it won't be that way with Keith and me.

Sure, honey. You won't have the trouble I had with my man.

Now, Roger was not a football player, but he sure played the field.

Come here, Gramps. Let me show you a picture of this dude right here.

Look at that. Ooh!

Ain't he handsome, honey? He smokes. He is so fine.

There ought to be a warning behind his name: "hazardous to your health."

Ooh, but he was so good to me.

And then he was good to the cocktail waitress, a meter maid,

and he was very good to the Avon lady.

They rang each other's chimes.

And would you believe, the day we were splittin',

he followed a black dress for 10 minutes...

before he realized it was the judge that was divorcin' us.

Willona, you lyin'! You've gotta be lyin'!

I'm home!

Oh, Ma!

Oh, my babies! My babies.

Flo! Flo!

Willona! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. My babies.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Just lookin' out of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how it all looks hand-me-down ♪