Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER ON TV: Forty seconds left in the game,

and Chicago trails by a basket.

J.J., will you get up

and help me clean this house

before Grampa and Lena get here?

Later, Thelma, later!

Hey, Thelma, turn that set back on

or else I'm gonna slam dunk

that melon head of yours!

Oh, look, J.J. The knob came off.

Thelma, you put that back on.

Otherwise, the knob on your head is gonna come off.

Put your neck in there. Just put your neck in there.

It's gonna come out like a long piece of licorice.

Oh, here.

MICHAEL: Hi, y'all.

Oh, Mr. Miguel! Hey, J.J.

How was the movie?

It was good, man. We went to see

Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Did Cindy call me?

Yep, and she is very upset with you.

Aw, again?

I wonder what I did this time.

In the movie, this little boy was on his way to school

when this big UFO swoops down

and carries him away.

Oh, yeah?

I've heard of bussing kids, but never in a UFO.

Hi, Cindy?

What?

No, I did not go to the movies with another girl.

That was only Penny.

"Only"?

Cindy, she's not my girl.

She's just a kid.

She can't be more than 9 or 10. Wha--?

If you don't believe me, why don't you ask her yourself.

I'll let you talk to her, okay? Hold on a sec.

Penny, will you tell her, please?

[MATURE VOICE] Cindy, darling...

This is Penny Woods.

Michael's mentioned you to me.

Your name came up when he took me ice skating.

And he mentioned you when we went to the movies,

and he pointed you out when we went to the zoo.

Cindy--

Cindy?

She hung up, Penny.

What'd you do that for?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

I'm not 9 or 10.

I'm 10 and a half, going on 11.

Hmm, well, I gotta go straighten this out.

Hi, Gramps. Hi, Willona.

Sure is nice talkin' to you.

How was the movie?

It was great, Mama.

You owe Michael $4.50.

Four dollars and 50 cents?

Did you see a movie or make it?

Hey, Willona.

Grampa and Lena are on their way over

from the bus station.

You know, that dude's got more going for him

than half the dudes I know half his age.

Yeah, and he keeps his girlfriend, Lena,

lookin' young too.

But isn't Lena your grandmother?

Oh, not exactly--

No, no, they're just very good friends.

Oh, one of those modern arrangements.

Like Barbra Streisand and Jon Peters.

Oh, well, let's go home, Penny,

get the surprise we baked last night for Grampa.

Mama, you're gonna be surprised too.

Why? One of the pieces is missing.

Correction. Twoof the pieces are missing.

J.J., Grampa and Lena are gonna be staying

in your room, okay?

You mean me and Michael have to sleep on the couch?

Well, you're used to it.

What's wrong with your room, aardvark nose?

Did you make up with Cindy?

Thelma, I made up with her,

but she didn't make up with me.

Michael, if you wanna get along

with females of the opposite sex,

you gotta go

by the J.J. Evans code of romance.

First, you have to tease them

and please them.

Then when they get nice and ready,

you have to seize them and squeeze them.

[KNOCKING]

Grampa Evans!

Hey, Michael!

Wahoo! Yeah.

Let me look at you. I hardly recognize you.

Hey, come and give your granddaddy a kiss.

Mwah!

Brown sugar.

Ooh!

Don't tell me

this handsome dude is Michael.

Well, you know. What can I say?

Hey, J.J.

Your mama wrote me

that you are now a big advertising executive.

Well, I guess she's right.

I'm the only one there

allowed to squeeze the Charmin.

[LAUGHING]

I guess you all are wonderin'

why we chose to come back to Chicago.

Well, it is a surprise.

Well, you see this little box?

Uh-huh.

It's gonna get us all out of the ghetto.

Oh, yeah? What is it, a bomb?

It's his invention.

Your grampa's been working on it for years.

Grampa, what is it?

Well, you know, all those years I spent at sea

working in the galley

wasn't wasted.

Thelma, I invented this little machine

that's gonna revolutionize the kitchen.

Oh, yeah? What's it gonna do? Make Thelma disappear?

I'll explain all that to you tomorrow

after I meet with the manufacturers.

You know, we've been corresponding,

and they are anxious to see it.

Ooh, Henry's gonna be so rich,

I'm gonna have my monogram on all my underwear.

"L.E." for Lena Evans.

Lena Evans!

Grampa, you didn't tell us.

What? That Lena's gonna have her initials on her drawers?

No, that you're married.

Well, we are not,

and you know we are living together.

That way we each get a social security check.

If we get married,

we're gonna lose part of it.

Yes, but, Henry,

you always said

if you ever came into a lot of money,

we'd get married.

Yes, yes, I know that, Lena,

but right now I've got

a lot of other things on my mind.

You're going back on your word?

Not now, Lena.

We'll talk about it when we get home.

No, we'll talk about it now.

Sit down, Lena.

We'll talk about it another time.

Um, let's go put the bags away, okay?

All right.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

What room are we sleeping in?

J.J.'s. Thelma's.

Wait.

We ain't sleeping in no different rooms.

Oh, yes, we are, Mr. Evans.

You're sleeping here,

and I'm sleeping at a motel.

Oh, Grampa, stop her!

Don't worry, she isn't going anywhere.

Unless she's selling suitcases, she's going somewhere.

You'll regret this, Henry Evans.

I gave you the best years of my life.

Now, now, wait a minute, Lena.

We've just known each other for four years.

Well, I was a late bloomer.

Grampa, you're going to let Lena go?

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Hold it, hold it.

There's a time to laugh, and there's a time to cry,

and there's a time to go after your woman,

and right now isn't the time.

Oh, Grampa.

Well, I'll take the luggage

into your room.

Lena, wait a minute.

Grampa didn't mean what he said.

Then why didn't he come after me?

Because he's being stubborn.

You know men.

They act like children.

Oh, don't I know it.

Whether they're 9 or 90, they all want a mother,

and I'm not about to burp that man.

It don't make no difference how old they are,

they all are looking for a father,

and I ain't about to bounce that woman on my knee.

I know just what you mean, Grampa.

You do?

You living with an old woman?

Not exactly, Grampa.

I mean Cindy's only 16,

but she's just as jealous as a 65-year-old woman,

and unreasonable.

I mean, I had the hardest--

Yeah, well, Lena's unreasonable too.

Now, we've been living together for four years,

and she still wants to know if I'm serious.

Serious?

Cindy or Lena. They're all alike.

They just don't think like a man.

Good thing they don't look like a man.

Amen. Amen.

But you do love Grampa, don't you?

Of course I love him.

I tell him that every day.

But right now I wouldn't go back to that man

if he were the Mayor of Motown.

You know, Michael,

I wouldn't go after that woman

if she was Nefertiti and owned an oil well.

You know what, Michael?

When I sell that invention,

I'm gonna see that you go to law school

right on up to the Supreme Court.

Chief Justice Michael Evans.

And don't forget the poor man when you get there.

I won't forget, Grampa.

Yeah.

And, Thelma,

you are going to wear the most beautiful fur coat

on Lakeshore Drive.

A mink coat with a sable lining.

And J.J.,

I'm gonna buy you

the longest

and the biggest Rolls Royce that you ever seen.

Wow.

I can see the license plate now.

the front will have Michigan,

and the back will have Illinois.

Henry, you old sea dog.

Willona. Oh!

You get prettier every time I come to Chicago.

Why, if I was just 10 years younger

and you was 10 years older...

You still couldn't catch me, honey.

I'd still be too fast for you.

Where's Lena?

We had a little hassle.

And it's breaking your heart, huh?

Yeah, it's no sweat.

She'll be back.

The first telephone booth, she's gonna be calling me.

You'll see.

Okay. Henry, look.

This is for you, Grampa Evans.

Aw, thank you.

Now, who is this little darling?

This little darling

is my adopted daughter, Penny.

Aw, well, look at those dancin' eyes.

I haven't seen anything this beautiful

since I captured that mermaid

down on the coast of Bermuda.

Henry.

A real mermaid? Yeah!

What happened to her?

She became a model for the tuna fish company.

Oh!

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Whoo-hoo!

Chello.

Oh, hi, Lena.

What'd I tell you?

Yeah, Gramps is here.

Okay. Uh-- Oh.

Okay.

I'll tell him.

Bye.

Well?

Uh, yeah, uh, Gramps,

Lena left a message for you.

Yeah? When's she comin' back?

She's going to New Orleans tomorrow.

She's not coming back.

You know, J.J.,

I really feel awful about Lena leaving Grampa.

Yeah, don't worry, Thelma.

He'll snap back.

That's more than I can say for these pancakes.

Girl, what'd you make these things out of,

Silly Putty?

Did Cynthia call?

No, and Lena didn't either.

Ah, don't worry about it.

As soon as Grampa sells that invention of his,

he'll be able to buy him a harem of Lenas.

Come on, J.J., where's your sensitivity?

They had a real love affair.

You know, there's some things money can't buy.

Michael, obviously you don't understand

the finer workaries of big business.

You see,

you should see the foxes that throw themselves at my feet

just for a Big Mac and fries.

Yes, I have seen your foxes,

and they all look like the golden arches fell on 'em.

Ooh, look, here comes Grampa,

and don't mention Lena.

All right.

Hey, Grampa, would you like some breakfast?

Yeah, how 'bout some Lena and eggs--

I mean, uh, some bacon and eggs?

I would like to, but I don't want to be late

for my appointment with the

kitchen equipment people.

Did I get any calls?

No, Grampa, Lena didn't call--

Cindy didn't call.

[KNOCKING]

Well, why would Cindy be calling me?

Lena! Well, Grampa, look who's here.

Good morning, J.J.

Oh, Lena!

Mr. Evans.

My jogging suit is in your suitcase.

Oh, now wait a minute, Lena.

We ought to have a little talk.

I'm here for my jogging suit, Henry.

Oh, now, lighten up, Lena.

You know why you're here.

You don't understand women, Henry.

Especially me.

You had a good thing going,

but you blew it.

Well, like, Lena--

Lena, now, give me a little chance to explain.

You had your chance.

Oh, now, Lena,

Lena, we've got a whole lot to talk about.

Our future.

Um, J.J...

Michael.

What's come over you, Lena?

It's not me, Henry. It's you.

You've changed.

You used to make me feel important

and attractive.

But now you make me feel like

some kind of gray-haired Barbie doll.

Now, how can you say that?

It's true, Henry.

You take me for granted.

[DEEP VOICE] "When is dinner, Lena?"

"Sit down, Lena."

"Stand up, Lena."

When was the last time you said you loved me?

Well, the last time I told you to stand up, Lena?

A woman wants to be told she's loved and wanted.

All right. Okay.

Okay.

I love you, you little grey-haired Barbie doll.

And we are getting married...mwah.

Today.

No.

No?

I don't want to be told we're getting married.

I want to be asked.

Real nice.

Well, would you like for me to get down on one knee?

Oh, no, no, you may not be able to get back up.

Will you marry me, sweetheart?

Oh, yes, Tiger.

Hey, Michael, Thelma, J.J., guess what?

[ALL HUMMING "WEDDING MARCH"]

Yay!

Congratulations.

Oh, Thelma, I'd like you to be my Maid of Honor.

Around here, we'd just like her to be the maid.

J.J., you can give the bride away.

Why, certainly.

Michael.

Yeah?

You be the best man.

I wish my old lady would tell me that.

And, J.J., you'll handle all the arrangements.

And, honey, come on,

we've got to go get us a wedding ring

and a marriage license.

Here, Henry.

What's that?

That's the wedding ring.

Uh, yeah.

When'd you get that?

The day after I met you.

Well, where's the reverend?

The marriage is gonna take place in a little while.

Well, where is he?

What? He's at a funeral?

Well, tell him when he gets over here,

don't have no mud on his shoes.

J.J., how do you like the Maid of Honor?

You look great, Thelma, just great,

except you got a tree growing out of your head.

[KNOCKING]

Ah...yes. Of course.

Hey, I heard there's gonna be a wedding around here.

Was it an accident I wasn't invited?

No, Bookman, it was on purpose.

Hey, what's that funny-looking stuff over here?

Hey, Bookman, don't mess with that, now.

That's caviar. It costs $15 an ounce.

We bought a nickel's worth.

Fifteen dollars?

[SNICKERING]

They sure put one over on you.

[SNORTING]

The caviar got away and all it left

was these little black things.

[CACKLING]

Bookman, if they ever gave a prize for stupidity,

you'd probably eat it.

Well, look, is there anything I can do?

Maybe you need a musician, a bartender, a photographer?

Photographer?

Hold on, Bookman, you're a photographer?

Am I a photographer? Haven't you seen my dark room?

Bookman, every room you enter becomes a dark room.

Bookman, you and your camera

can come to the wedding.

Oh, goody.

Hi, there.

Hey, Miss Woods.

I'm going down

to get my little Brownie out of the closet.

How nice. Your wife will like to come out for some fresh air.

Willona, I just love that dress.

You're a beautiful bridesmaid.

Thank you, baby.

If the right man came along,

this bridesmaid's gown could turn into a wedding dress

before you can throw Minute Rice.

Oh, look at my baby.

Penny, you look so cute.

Thank you.

When I grow up, I'm gonna marry J.J.

Willona will be my mother-in-law?

Say what? Oh, no, what I'm saying

is that with all my female admirers,

I wouldn't be responsible for the mass suicides.

Oh, yeah?

If any of them commit suicide,

they're gonna have to be buried at the pet cemetery.

[KNOCKING]

Ooh, I wouldn't take that. Oh, J.J.!

No violence, no violence.

Now, go on.

Put the coat on, and open that door.

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

Ah, Lena!

Hi, Lena!

Are you nervous? Are you excited?

Well, it's not every day a girl gets married.

Well, the Gabor sisters gave it a hell of a shot.

Oh, Lena, you're getting a wonderful guy.

I just can't figure how you ripped him off from me.

I don't call him "Tiger" for nothing.

I heard that. I heard that.

[KNOCKING]

If that's Henry,

I don't want him to see me before the wedding.

Go on. Okay, I'll take your bag, okay?

All right, hurry up.

Is this the Evans residence?

I'm Reverend Beasley.

Yeah, it is, Reverend Beasley.

Come on in.

Just a moment.

I don't want to track any mud

across your lovely carpets.

Hey, everybody, this is Reverend Beasley.

Reverend Beasley, the family.

REVEREND: Hello. How are you?

Ooh, lawdy, Miss Clawdy.

You must be the lovely bride.

Oh, lovely, yes, bride, no.

Rev? Uh-huh?

What's that on your shoe?

Oh.

[LAUGHING]

Come on, Penny.

Let's see if Lena has her "something borrowed."

How about my library book? That's borrowed.

Oh, no, baby. Come on.

Something old, something new...

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

What do we have here?

Champagne, caviar... and chitlin dip.

Indeed.

I suppose that you want my first-class ceremony.

No, Rev, I think we'll be traveling tourists today.

[KNOCKING]

[MICHAEL HUMMING]

Grampa!

Michael, how are you?

Oh, what is this?

What, somebody having a party?

What's going on in here? Who's the party for?

It-- It's for you. It's for you, Gramps.

[HUMMING]

Hey, Michael, get me some black coffee,

and make sure I have plenty of it.

Come on in here, Gramps.

Gramps, there'll be no singing.

Come on in here, Gramps, come on in here.

Gramps, you got to shape up.

You're getting married in 10 minutes.

I can't get married, J.J.

What are you talkin' about?

Your grandfather is a failure.

You can't say that about my grandfather.

They turned down my invention.

Turned it down?

They had three more food compressors

better than mine.

And the Japanese are bringing in one

with an AM and FM radio.

Well, Gramps, a lot of inventors have failed.

I mean, look at Edison.

It took him years to teach that dog

to talk into the Victrola.

Here's your coffee.

Hey, y'all better hurry up,

'cause the reverend's eating all the caviar.

J.J., it doesn't matter how much it cost,

I'm gonna pay you back every cent.

All the things I wanted to do for you children,

and all the dreams I had for you,

things that I never could do when your father was living,

and now they're just dreams.

All just dreams.

Hey, that's okay, Grampa.

Grampa, hurry up. We're waiting on you.

See, they're waiting for you.

J.J., I can't do it.

I can't do it.

But, Gramps, this morning you said you loved Lena.

I do love her, and I want to marry her,

but she thinks she's marrying a wealthy man.

Well, why don't you just talk to her

and explain the situation?

Yeah, I-I-I was gonna do that.

Good. I'll go get her.

Here's some coffee, in the meanwhile.

What's wrong, Henry?

They turned down my invention.

Oh, I'm sorry.

And now we can't get married.

Well, why ever not?

Well, you know if we get married,

we're gonna have to take a cut

in our social security.

Henry Evans, if you think

I'm marrying you for your money,

why, you couldn't be wronger.

Now, if we can't make it on social security,

I can always get a job as a topless dancer.

You really do love me, don't you, Lena?

You couldn't be righter.

* I love you truly *

* Truly, dear *

* Life with its sorrow *

* Life with its tears *

* Ooh... *

Dear friends,

we are gathered here together

to join Lena Anderson and Henry Evans

in the bonds of holy matrimony.

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *