Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

Hey, Thelma, is the spaghetti ready?

Let me see.

That's-- That's--

That's just how I like it, Thelma.

Light and fluffy.

Well, I'm sorry about that, Willona,

but I'm just so upset

about J.J. and that Barbara.

You know, I never thought I'd see the day

when J.J. would put down

all his chicks for just one girl.

Mama, what's this Barbara got that I haven't got?

Nothing, honey.

[LAUGHS]

Except that she's got it now.

I just think Barbara's just not right for J.J.

Honey, no point saying nothing to J.J.

He's so much in love,

he can't even see what she really is, you know?

Oh, a married woman.

When you're married, you're not supposed to date other people.

Honey, that's just what I was trying to tell my ex-husband.

[LAUGHS]

Sit down and have your bread.

Penny, Barbara's not exactly married.

She's separated.

Well, the trouble is, she ain't separated far enough.

See, that's what worries me, Willona.

You know, I think she's stringing J.J. along,

and he's gonna get hurt.

He's hurting already.

Look at the stomach pains he's having.

[OFF-KEY] * I'm in the mood for love *

* Simply because *

[VOICE BREAKING] * She's near me *

[IMITATES WOLF HOWLING]

Full moon.

Well, hello there, beautiful family--

Hi, baby.

--and Thelma.

Well, I won't be eating dinner today.

Got a date with Barbara.

[GROANS]

Michael, the Tums.

J.J., you finished up the Tums last night.

Oh, that's what those were.

I thought I was eating white M&Ms.

Penny, let's finish playing checkers.

Hey, J.J., you ever think

about the relationship with you and Barbara

perhaps has something to do

with the pains in your stomach?

Absolutely negatory.

This upset's clearly connected to Thelma's cooking.

Oh, come on, now.

I must admit, though, Thelma,

your cuisine has been improving.

How would you know? You're never here to eat it.

That's why it's been improving.

See, I've been dreaming of somebody like Barbara

all my life.

Now the finger of fate has finally fingered me.

And that finger of fate

is poking you right in the stomach.

Ah!

No jivin'. Now, how else do you explain

the pain that comes every time

a certain person's name is mentioned,

like Barbara. [GROANS]

See that?

Willona, I love Barbara,

and to prove it to you, check this out.

What?

Oh, Mr. Miguel.

Yeah, J.J.?

My little black book.

Your little black book?

That's right.

The official Funk and Wagnall of feminine foxitude.

Oh, look.

Boom-Boom's name has numbers after it.

Thirty-eight, 24, 35.

That's right, honey.

You know what that is? That's her zip code.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh.

So my zip code is 19-19-19.

I've had enough of this madness.

Barbara is waiting dinner

for her numero uno,

and you know who is uno.

I'm going to go slip into something

a little more... slinkier.

[GROANS LOUDLY]

What's the matter?

You better stay home and get some rest.

You stay home. You've got some pains.

I don't have any pain.

It's just from the pressure of work.

And then when I come home,

I get pressure from my loved ones.

What pressure? We're worried about you.

We don't want you to get hurt and ruin your life

running around with a married woman

who's just got you dangling,

you dingle-brain!

Thelma, stop hassling me.

Obviously, you didn't hear me.

I love Barbara.

To look in her eyes, to be in her arms.

You don't have any idea

what an evening with Barbara does for me.

[LAUGHS]

[MOANS]

[CHUCKLES]

Don't mean nothing, honey.

He's in pain. He is in-- I know he's in...

MAN: * I'm so fine Fine, fine *

* I'm so fine, whoo! *

Hey, Barbara!

Can I use your shampoo?

Hey, aren't you finished showering yet?

I told you I was expecting someone.

Oh, I'd get through faster if you came in

and scrubbed my back for me, mama.

You always do this to me.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

He's here now!

Relax.

Look, I promise not to towel myself.

I'll just drip-dry.

[KNOCKING]

J.J.!

You are early.

That's because

I couldn't stand being away from you

a minute longer.

Thinking all day about me and you, alone.

Uh, J.J., there's something I think I'd better tell you--

Yeah, like, "J.J., I miss you.

J.J., I wuv you."

That too.

Well, then, come over here and tell me.

Come on, baby, let's go.

Well, what's your hurry?

We've got to sit down here and, uh...

...talk about our future.

Uh, the future?

J.J., let's not get into that again.

The future can wait.

Maybe the future can wait for you,

but not for me.

Now, uh, when are you and your husband

getting de-nuptialized?

J.J., try to understand.

I love you,

but there's certain leftover feelings I have

for Ernie too.

Look, mama, we got things to talk about,

and we got to talk about them right now.

J.J., please, why can't things just stay the way they are?

Things have been the way they are for too long.

J.J., try and understand.

No.

Later, later.

Uh, Barb,

uh, there's a man in your bathroom there,

and I hope he's only stealing towels.

Hey, babe.

Where'd you put my cologne?

You ran out, remember?

And I haven't had a chance to get to the store.

Oh, yeah, well, okay.

I guess I'll just have to rough it tonight.

Who is that?

Oh, that's nobody.

Just my husband.

"Nobody. Just my husband"?

You mean, like, an Ernie-type husband?

Of course. You don't think

I'd let just anybody come in and shower.

Well, who's this?

This is J.J.

Oh, so you're J.J.

Hey, what's happening, my man?

I done heard a whole lot about you.

[LAUGHING AWKWARDLY]

Uh, see, me and Barb here,

we're just real good buddies.

That ain't the way I got it, my man.

Oh, yeah, well, see, me and Barb, we just...

We just kind of pal around together, you know?

Like we go to chamber concerts together,

and music recitals,

and drink beer together.

She's just a real good pal.

Ol' buddy, ol' buddy...

Knock it off, J.J.

I told Ernie everything about us.

[MOUTHING] Everything?

Now, I'm going to be getting out of your all's way.

Now, I'm sorry if I interrupted anything.

Oh, no, uh...

you didn't interrupt anything.

Anytime you feel like coming in,

come on in.

Any husband of Barbara's is a friend of mine.

Thanks, J.J.

Thanks, bro.

Right on.

[FORCED LAUGH]

What's he doing here?

He stops by all the time,

to pick up fresh clothes,

to shave, to shower.

Oh, you know, I feel a little funny

knowing that a husband is showering

right next door to me, you know?

Uh, maybe I'm funny that way.

Maybe I'm crazy.

Hey. Don't think about Ernie.

"Don't think about Ernie"?

How can I not think

about an insanely jealous husband?

He's not insanely jealous,

and, uh...

come here.

Maybe this will take your mind off of Ernie.

How's that?

Fantastic!

You sure Ernie don't carry a gun?

Ice pick or something?

Just forget about Ernie.

I would love to forget about Ernie,

except that I want just one good reason.

I said, one good reason

why he feels he can come here

and shower and shave anytime he is dirty.

He pays the rent.

In that case, I'll pay the rent.

I'll move in,

and Ernie can shower and shave

down at the car wash.

J.J., the rent is $400 a month.

Uh, I got enough to take us through Tuesday.

J.J., we were going out to dinner.

Why don't we go.

Yeah, okay.

Ooh.

All of a sudden,

I don't feel too much like eating.

Well, I'm on my way.

Thanks, baby.

Good meeting you, J.J.

Yeah.

All right, all right.

Hey, look, don't forget, babe.

Tomorrow, right?

Yeah, right.

What's all this talk about tomorrow?

Nothing. We're just having dinner.

You're having dinner tonight.

Why you got to have dinner tomorrow too?

J.J., stop shouting.

I mean, just because we're separated

doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Hey, you're not looking too good.

Are you still having those stomach pains.

Nah.

Maybe I'd better call a doctor.

Why? Are you sick?

J.J., you just sit right there.

[GROANS]

Oh, my God. Are you all right?

Of course.

Do I look like a man in pain?

Hey, baby, you better just lie right there.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Call a doctor.

J.J...

Okay, thank you very much, doctor.

We'll do all we can to help him.

Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.

What did he say?

Is he gonna be all right?

He's on his way home.

It's nothing serious, but it is his stomach.

If he doesn't take care of himself,

it can turn into an ulcer.

An ulcer?

What's that?

Well, honey, it's something like a hole in the stomach.

Oh, I've got that.

But I call it a belly button.

Girl, you better get over there.

Yeah, and a lot of people think only older people get ulcers.

If J.J. would have stayed here and played house

instead of running around with other women,

this wouldn't have happened.

I can't believe J.J. has a stomach ulcer.

I always thought the boy had a cast-iron stomach.

Matter of fact,

I've seen him eat some stuff that would gag a goat.

And who knows what goes in his stomach

when he eats out.

Oh, Penny!

No, no, Thelma.

No, Penny didn't mean what you think she means.

You see, what she meant

was there's food out there, you know,

in those greasy spoon restaurants

that's just as dangerous

as some of the food you cook for us--

I didn't mean it, baby.

That's all right. That's all right, Willona.

It's okay.

The important thing is that the doctor said

we have to keep J.J. calm and relaxed,

and not get him excited, okay, about anything, all right?

Everything cool.

THELMA: Hey! J.J.!

My brother. My lovely, lovely brother.

Here, take your coat off and make yourself comfy.

Uh, I think I'm in the wrong apartment.

No, no, no.

Take his coat, Thelma,

and I'll help you take off your galoshes.

Sit down. Relax.

Sit down, put your foot up.

Galoshes? I'm not wearing any galoshes.

So why don't you put some on

so I can help you take them off.

What's going on here?

Don't worry, big brother.

We're just here to help you.

Just tell us whatever you want.

I just want to know what's going on here.

Take it easy, now. Take it easy.

That's right, J.J. Remember your belly button.

What Penny means is the doctor called us

and we know about your stomach trouble, honey.

Ah, what does he know?

J.J., the man should know. He's a specialist.

Well, I walked into the office and he had a skeleton in there.

How come he didn't cure that guy?!

J.J., calm.

Calm down, J.J.

Calm. Calm.

I am calm.

It's just that when I come home from a hard day's work,

I expect a normal day

of un-quiet and un-peace around here!

We're just going to make you happy,

brother, dear.

Just going to make you happy.

You'd make me more happy

if you put those teeth

back in that jack-o'-lantern face.

Well, I won't smile anymore.

I'll just make you some milk toast.

Hey, I don't want any milk toast!

I want to hassle, like we always do.

J.J., you're sick,

and we just want to help you.

Hey, Michael, I'm not sick,

and I'll be fine as soon as Barbara gets here.

Oh, Barbara. What a nice girl.

But Mama, you said--

I just said, what a nice girl, right?

Oh, yeah? If she's such a nice girl,

why does she keep her husband hiding in her shower?

You know, J.J., I agree with you.

She's no good.

Michael, you're talking about the woman I love!

Stop trying to appease me.

Hassle me like you always do.

I said, hassle with me!

J.J., if you wanna hassle,

you hassle with yourself, okay?

'Cause we're gonna keep you calm and relaxed

if we got to tie you up and sit on you!

Cool, honey. Let's fix him something to eat, all right?

I'm gonna make him something to eat.

Like I said, milk toast--

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

You don't have to get it. I'll get it for you.

Michael, I'm capable of opening a door.

Hey--

Michael, you were right. You open the door.

Hey, what's up, Bookman?

Hey, J.J.

I heard you were sick...

so I brought this over from me and Mrs. Bookman.

You know, Bookman,

that's a nice thought of you.

That's exactly what J.J. needs.

Rest.

Yeah, I cut off the other two words.

Thank you very much, Bookman.

Hey, that's okay, man.

I kept the "in peace"

in case you take a turn for the worse.

That's so funny.

I don't know why they let you out of that box.

Why don't you take a turn for that door

and split.

I just came over to cheer J.J. up.

He ain't dead.

Look, you should be counting your blessings.

I mean, an ulcer ain't bad.

At least you know what you got.

Know what happened the other day?

Mrs. Stevenson left her apartment

on the seventh floor, right?

I mean, the picture of health.

By the time she got down to the first floor,

she was dead, just like that.

Heart attack?

No, she fell out the window.

Yeah, Bookman,

that certainly cheers me up.

Look, I'm not surprised you've got an ulcer, man.

It's dangerous

fooling around with them married women.

You're right.

Look at you and Mrs. Bookman.

Hey, what do we have here?

What you put in your mouth all the time, Bookman.

It's called "food."

But it's the wrong kind of food

for your ulcer.

Bookman, what you doing here?

I'm saving your brother's life.

Look at all this junk in here. He can't be eating this.

Barbecued ribs. There's a ham in there.

Pork chops, mustard, pickles...

All the wrong stuff.

Mm-mm!

Fried chicken!

Now, this is the worst thing he should eat.

Bookman, aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah. Doughnuts.

[LAUGHS]

[MOCKS LAUGHTER]

Hold it!

Give me that thing.

Get out of here.

I'm only trying to be a good egg.

Thanks a lot, Humpty Dumpty.

Hey, J.J.,

stay off your stomach for a couple of days, okay?

Yeah, and take your old crabgrass with you.

You got to stay calm, J.J. You got to stay calm.

You know about your condition, right?

[KNOCKING]

Thelma, I don't have a condition.

Stop babying me, you know?

Oh, J.J., I just had to come over.

I've been so worried about you.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, thanks a lot, mama, but I'm fine.

Yeah, he wasfine.

To show you what good condition I'm in,

I know this great Italian restaurant.

We can go have some pizza.

J.J., you can't be going out now,

and you know pizza's not good for you.

Thelma, I know what's good for me,

and it happens to be this lady right here. Barb.

That's why I'm going to change my shirt,

and I'll be right back.

BARBARA: Okay, baby.

Uh, Barbara, may I ask you something personal?

Sure, Thelma.

It's about J.J.

What about J.J.?

Well, I don't know exactly how to...

Leave him alone!

Hey, wait a minute.

You're just his sister, not his mother, so you--

Hey, don't you be getting down in--

[BOTH ARGUING]

Will you be cool?

Go in your room, kids.

I'm going to talk to Barbara by myself, all right?

If I had my choice, I'd just as soon listen.

You don't have a choice, so come on, let's go.

Have a seat, Barbara.

Hey, I'm, uh...

kind of sorry about that little thing with Thelma.

She's a little upset. You understand?

Yeah, I understand,

but what she has to realize

is that J.J. and I are both over 21.

Well, what you have to realize

is that J.J. never had an ulcer before he met you.

Hey, are you trying to tell me something?

I'm ain't trying, honey. I'm succeeding.

Look, you can't blame me for J.J.'s condition.

He has a pressure-cooker job.

He's got this whole family to support.

Now, I'm the only one

that keeps his mind off his troubles.

I keep him happy.

Whoopie.

But when are you going to divorce your husband?

That's none of your business.

Now, that's true.

Let me tell you something, honey.

Now, J.J.'s like a son to me.

I love him very much.

And I usually mind my business.

But when he's in pain, I make it my business.

Hey, time.

I mean, J.J. is a man,

and I know that better than you do.

You're right, baby.

You're absolutely, positively right.

Now, he is a man,

but for a lot more reasons than what you think.

You listen to me,

and you listen kind of good, okay?

I know a few people like you.

You know, women that play one end

against the other end.

That are afraid to let go of one man,

hold on to your husband, and hold on to J.J.,

don't let nobody go,

because you're afraid of making a real commitment.

The real sad part about it, Barbara, is this:

I don't believe you love either one of them.

BARBARA: Hey, you are wrong.

I love J.J.,

and I'm not going to give him up.

A-ha!

That's all I've been waiting to hear!

Come here, lover.

J.J., you really set my thermostat on high.

[LAUGHS]

Then let's keep the fire going.

How about me and you getting married?

We will, we will.

J.J.: Ah, beautiful!

Someday, hon.

[DOOR SLAMS]

What do you mean, someday?

All you got to do is get divorced,

then me and you get married.

Maybe we can find one of those judges

to give us a two-for-one sale.

J.J., we can't get married right now.

I mean, you don't have enough money yet.

Oh, well, then, hey, don't worry about it, mama.

I'll go out there and get another job.

But what about your family?

I mean, how are you going to support them and me?

Hey, no problem. We'll get a cheaper apartment.

I don't want a cheaper apartment.

Hey, no worry at all.

You can get a part-time job.

I don't want a job.

I mean, things are going just fine

the way they are.

Yeah, with Ernie supporting you.

Hmm.

You don't want a part-time job.

I'm out there busting my tail for you.

I thought you said you loved me.

J.J., I do love you.

I adore you.

But you're not giving me time.

[GROANS]

You're giving me the time. A hard time.

Hey, look here, Barbara,

you have to make a decision right now.

Either it's me or Ernie.

J.J., things have been so perfect.

Why do you want to spoil everything?

So my pain will go away.

Mm. You realize what I just said?

You know, you're the reason for this pain.

No, honey, that's not true.

Hey, look, Barb, you got to choose, right now.

I mean, make a decision. It's either me or Ernie.

I mean, do whatever you have to do.

Flip a coin, but either it's me or Ernie.

I-I can't.

I won't make that decision.

Barb, you just did.

Babe...

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *