Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

Hey, Thelma, what's for dinner?

Onions with chicken backs.

Mm. Sounds like another one of your gourmet feasts.

Michael, it's gonna have to be that way from now on

because we're gonna have to cut down

on our household expenses.

What could be cheaper than onions with chicken backs?

Onions without chicken backs.

Hi, y'all.

Hi, Willona. Hey, Willona.

We finished the pillows for you.

Hey, what's the matter here?

Somebody came here and take away your gusto?

Huh?

Willona, J.J. called with some bad news.

Oh, no!

He didn't get married, did he?

Oh, honey.

No, Penny.

He just lost half his job.

Lost half his job?

But how can you lose half a job?

Simple.

When your boss tells you to stay home two days a week.

It's only temporary.

His ad agency lost some money on one of their accounts,

so they had to cut back.

Well, that's a shame.

But three days a week is better than nothing.

At least he's still the breadwinner,

even though

he's only bringing home half a loaf.

Yeah, Willona, but I feel really awful.

I went and bought a new dress yesterday.

Honey, you didn't know.

I know, but I can't even return it,

because they're doing alterations on it.

Well, don't worry, child.

The family budget will not sink or swim

because of one dress.

Yeah, Willona,

but you should see me in that dress.

I look fantastic. You wouldn't recognize me.

Does it come with a mask?

That's not nice, Gramps.

Funny, but not nice.

Poor J.J.

We'll have to cheer him up when he gets home.

Well, Penny,

I think the only thing that can cheer J.J. up

is Lola Falana dancing on his navel.

I just hope she takes off her tap shoes.

Well, toot the horn. Ring the bell.

Brother J. is home, and all is well.

Well, now, you don't look like a guy

that got one foot in the door of the unemployment office

to me, honey.

I'll lend you some money from my piggy bank, J.J.

That's very nice of you, Penny, but--

And I'll only charge you 8.5 percent interest.

Compounded annually.

I love this kid.

Well, family,

I've come up with a scheme to get the green.

Ooh, good. I can't wait to hear this.

Come on, J.J. What?

Well, friends, family, and Thelma...

We are taking in a boarder. Ha-ha!

I could have waited.

J.J. has finally flipped out.

Yeah. One flew into the cuckoo's nest!

Mm.

Well, look here.

I stopped by a supermarket, you know,

put an ad in the little thing up there,

the bulletin board.

Told 'em that we had a room to rent.

It's going to be beautiful.

I told them all the details, et cetera, et cetera.

What room?

What "et cetera, et cetera"?

You know it's against the rules to sublet in the project.

If Bookman hears about it,

you'll be half out of a job and whole out of an apartment.

J.J., what room?

Hey, look here.

Bookman won't even recognize the apartment.

You know, I disguised it a smidgen.

That must be the "et cetera."

J.J., what room?

Thelma, will you stop saying "what room"?

Not until I find out what room

this boarder is supposed to stay in...

if there's going to be a boarder.

Look here, Thelma.

I figure, without question, your room--

Wrong!

Naturally, that's wrong.

Thus, I came up with Plan B.

That's where me and Michael sleep in your room,

the outsider takes the anteroom,

and you, Thelma, will lounge in luxurious splendor

on our spanking-new, comfy, cozy, contour couch!

J.J., you can take your comfy, cozy, contour couch

and cram it!

Honey, please.

J.J., what about Plan C? Huh?

I don't recall a Plan C.

Do you recall having your own room?

J.J., Plan C means the boarder would take your room

and you and Michael will sleep on the couch.

Uh-huh, that was Plan C. Plan C.

Well, I was just joking.

I just wanted to test y'all to see if y'all was alert.

Well, the whole thing is ridiculous

and it's just out of the question.

Yeah, besides, who wants to have a strange person

living in our house, anyway?

Michael, we already have a strange person

living in our house.

J.J., I don't like it.

I don't like it at all.

Hey, Willona, I don't like it either.

But we gotta make up for the green some way.

Besides, you may meet a wonderful new friend.

And Bookman may come with a wonderful new family

to move into this apartment after he kicks you out.

Hey, Willona, if we don't do it, and we don't pay the rent,

we get kicked out.

If we do do it, and we get caught,

we still get kicked out.

I say, folks, let's take a shot at it.

Well, J.J., all right.

I guess I get the message.

I guess we have to do it, but I know one thing.

This boarder better eat what we eat,

because I am not cooking him anything special.

Thelma, he's just going to have to get food poisoning

like the rest of us.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

A-ha! That's our new boarder right now.

Puff up the couches.

Come on, Penny, straighten yourself up here.

[CHUCKLING]

Well, the rental king will handle everything.

Come on, Penny, I can't bear to watch this.

Come on.

Well, well, well!

You have a room for rent?

For you, lovely lady, we have a palace.

I can't bear to watch it either.

Come on, babe.

Trouble.

Now, when would you like to move in, lovely lady?

Now, hold on, mister.

Now, let me check your place out.

Oh, go right ahead.

If there's anything you don't like,

we'll gladly redecorate.

I copied down your ad.

Where's the crystal chandelier?

Crystal chandelier... That must be the "et cetera."

Uh, crystal chandelier?

Uh, we sent the crystals out to be re-crystallized.

No chandelier.

You ad said "air conditioning."

Um, I don't see a cooling unit.

Oh, yeah, see,

we don't have your normal bodacious big machinery

around here.

But what we do have, as you can see right here,

is our own private air shaft.

That's right.

See, we have 17 floors of natural ventilation,

'cause we feel around here

nature's way is the best way.

No air conditioning.

And I don't suppose you have the microwave oven,

the enclosed terrace, or the sauna, either.

Uh, just can't depend on them delivery men.

Good day, mister.

Oh, wait a minute, lovely lady.

If the room rent's too high, we could lower it.

J.J., stop it. J.J.!

Hold on.

If it's finances that are giving you a problem,

I'll loan you the money, personally.

Look, let me out of here. I've had enough of your foolishness.

Freak!

I guess the rental king got dethroned, huh?

Yeah, and you were right about one thing, J.J.

Bookman will not recognize this place

from that notice you put up there.

Crystal chandeliers indeed.

Good thing she didn't ask about the swimming pool.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'll get this. Oh, no, you won't.

And this time, I'll get it, and you try to control yourself.

Hello.

Hi. We're the Dunbars.

We came to see about the room for rent.

It's for our dad.

Oh, yeah. Come on in. Okay.

Oh, it looks very nice, John. Yeah.

There's no chandelier.

Yeah, some dumb kid printed it in the ad.

Well, he couldn't have been too dumb.

He spelled it right.

Oh, thank you very much. Oh--

Could I see the room?

Oh, sure. Right through here.

Right this way, my lovely lady.

Dad has to move from his present apartment,

and my wife and I...

Well, our place is kind of small.

He'd have to sleep on the couch.

You know how it is.

Yeah, I know how it is.

Dad's never had a sick day in his life.

And he's very easy to get along with.

Terrific sense of humor.

I think Dad'll like it very much, John.

Oh, great. We'll take it.

Good. That's a month's room and board in advance.

All right, then.

Uh, J.J., do they have any references?

Yes, they do, Thelma.

Grant, Jackson and Hamilton.

It's all settled, then.

When would your father like to move in?

The first of the month?

Hey, how about right now?

He's right outside in the hallway.

Uh, this is a little quick, you know.

We didn't have time to even clean up the room

or anything.

That's right.

I didn't even get a chance to take a dip in the pool.

Dad, these are the people you'll be staying with.

This is my father, John Dunbar, Sr.

Well, welcome to the Evans Hilton!

Is it okay?

We wouldn't let you stay here otherwise.

Well, I sure hope you know what you're doing.

I'm Thelma Evans.

My brother, J.J., and my brother, Michael.

Well, Dad, we got to be going,

but we're leaving you in good hands.

That's right.

You're in good hands with the Evanses.

Yeah, you're amongst friends around here.

Sure.

That's what they said to Julius Caesar,

and look what his friends did for him.

Now, look, that kind of stuff may happen in Detroit,

but this here's the Windy City, Chi-Town, Chicago, you know?

We looks out for each other around here.

Thank you.

We'll be back to visit Dad in a day or two.

THELMA: Okay. Bye-bye, now.

See you later, Dad. Bye-bye.

Okay.

Uh, Thelma, get the bags.

The D.A. will be relieved, sergeant.

Looks like the perfect safe house to me.

No place is perfect in a case like this.

Remember that witness we hid

with that bus driver and his family?

Yeah.

Still can't figure out

how that Mob tracked him down.

Yeah, well,

I hope old man Dunbar's all in one piece

when we come back to get him for the trial.

And that goes for his new family too.

Hi, y'all.

Who's that? Oh! Oh!

That's our neighbor, Willona Woods.

Who's that, the new boarder?

Yeah.

What's he doing, looking for cockroaches?

Maybe he's trying to acclimate himself

to his new, strange surroundings.

Mr. Dunbar,

what are you doing with that chair?

Are you going to go tame a lion?

Look, there's no lock on that door over there,

so I figured

if I prop this up under the doorknob,

couldn't nobody get in.

Hey, Mr. Dunbar, you don't have to do that.

You're amongst friends around here.

Well, you can never be too careful.

You smoke, sonny?

Oh, no, Mr. Dunbar, but thanks for asking.

Oh, I wasn't going to give you one.

I just didn't want you tampering with my cigar.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MAN: Anybody home?

Oh, it's Booger!

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, my God. Save me!

I'm way ahead of you, Mr. Dunbar.

Mr. Dunbar, make sure you stay back here.

Don't make a sound,

'cause we don't want anyone to know that you're back here.

You can say that again.

We don't want anyone to know that you're back here. Go.

Hey, Bookman. Whatcha doing here?

We didn't call for the Goodyear blimp.

I came up to tell you guys that we're cutting the hot water off.

They're fixing the boiler tonight.

Again?

That boiler's been fixed more times

than the Friday Night Wrestling.

Hey, who's smoking cigars around here?

Oh, uh-- Uh, I am.

I always like a good cigar after a hard day's work.

Huh. Then this must be your first cigar in months.

Well, come on, clown.

What you gonna do, wave it around or smoke it?

Uh, just so happens I don't have a match.

Well, the Bookman do.

[COUGHS]

Be careful, man,

or I'm gonna have to get a fire extinguisher

and put your face out.

That's so funny.

Put your face out...

Fire extinguisher... That is so funny.

I got something funny for you too.

What's that?

Put your face out the door.

Boy, this cigar must be made from dead rats.

All clear, Mr. Dunbar. You can come out.

That jive janitor's gone.

That was the janitor?

Are you sure?

Well, we're not proud of it, but we're sure.

Mr. Dunbar--

Why are you so jumpy?

Jumpy? I'm not jumpy.

[STAMMERS]

What did you do with my cigar?

Now, you smashed up a perfectly good 15-cent cigar.

Uh, Mr. Dunbar, you've had an exciting day.

Why don't you take a little walk

around the block.

I'm not going out of the house.

Well, maybe not now, but later,

when you want to go out and stretch yourself--

I'm never going out of the house.

Thelma. Hey, y'all.

This dude say

he ain't never going out of the house.

Well, you know, Mr. Dunbar, people do need fresh air.

You could just sit by the window.

Uh-uh. I don't sit by no windows.

People can see you

when you're sitting near the window.

Mr. Dunbar, we're 17 flights up.

But they could be very tall.

Thelma, I think we done got ourselves

a fruitcake.

Yeah, I got to run, you know.

I gotta take my daughter to her ice skating lesson.

I'll see you later, Mr. Dunbar.

I sure hope so.

Trouble.

Well, I'll go get some rest, you know.

Wait up for me, Thelma.

I want you to help me out on my homework.

Hey, wait a minute.

What you all doing leaving me alone here

with this cuckoo clock?

He's your boarder.

Bye-bye.

Well... [SHRIEKS]

Hey, Mr. Dunbar,

why don't you say we sit down here

and have a little talk?

I never sit with my back to the door

or my head near the window.

Mr. Dunbar, you in some kind of trouble

or something?

Well, now, I don't know if I can trust you.

Oh, Mr. Dunbar. You can trust me. Honest.

Just look at this face.

You right.

With a face like that, you got to be honest.

But you got to promise me something.

You got it.

Promise me you won't throw me out

when I tell you.

Okay, you got my word.

Now, you been reading

about that big real estate swindle?

You know, where all those people lost their life savings?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, those people got ripped off. That dude, uh, Frazee.

Yeah, that was a terrible scene.

Yeah, well, I was Frazee's bookkeeper.

You were?

Then you the one

that could put Frazee in the pokey.

That's right.

That's why the police are hiding me here in your house

until the trial comes up.

Well, you'll certainly be safe here.

Sure.

Until Frazee finds out where I am.

Then it's lights out.

Let's hope for your sake he doesn't find you.

For your sake too,

because if it's lights out for me,

it's lights out for us all.

So now what do we do?

I mean, we can't even call the police.

They're the ones who put him here.

Hey, Michael, don't talk so loud.

Dunbar hears you,

he'll come running out here like a scared chicken.

Well, J.J., you know Dunbar is right.

You can't hit a moving target.

Michael, don't say the word "hit."

J.J., why don't you give him his money back

and send him on his way?

Oh, Thelma, I can't do that.

I gave the man my word I wouldn't kick him out.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who's that?

Somebody's knocking at the door.

At this hour? I mean...

I guess hit men don't just work

from 9 to 5.

Go ahead, Thelma. See what's happening.

Uh, who is it?

It's me, Bookman.

Ah, Bookman! That's the one who can kick him out.

I get Bookman to kick him out, I won't be breaking my word.

Wait a minute, J.J.

Then Bookman will put us out in the cold.

Michael, better be chilled than killed.

Hey, man, about the hot water.

The cold gonna be turned off tonight too.

Come on in here, Bookman. Yeah.

Glad to see you. Terrific. Hey.

I must be in the wrong apartment.

Oh, no, you're not. No, no.

You know that rule y'all have about taking in boarders?

Mm.

Well, we took in a boarder.

You took in a boarder?

Yes. Uh-huh. Now, just throw him out.

What kind of heartless dude do you take me for?

I mean, the word is all over the street

that your bony brother got cut back at the office.

I know you need the bread.

You mean you're not gonna kick him out?

No. Not until I find out you working full time again.

And everybody says

Bookman likes to kick a man when he's down.

I do.

But J.J.'s down so much that it's boring.

That's the most unreliable janitor in the world.

When you need him to be a rat, he never is.

Oh, hi, Mr. Dunbar.

Did you get a nice little nap?

Nap? You mean nightmare.

I dreamed Frazee found me.

And he had a knife, a rope and a gun.

He gonna kill you multiple choice, huh?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[GASPS]

[SHRIEKS]

That's Frazee!

I'd know his knock anywhere!

[ALL SHRIEKING]

Oh...

Wait a minute. Hold on.

What's everybody so scared about?

We're in the confines of our own home.

You know what I mean?

Don't have to be worried about no hoodlum coming in here.

I'll handle this.

The man of steel!

Yeah. What do you want?

Package for Evans.

Oh, yeah?

There you go. Very simple. See that?

Package for Evans. Huh.

Package for Evans? This could be a bomb!

I've seen the bomb squad do this many times.

I'll neutralize...

I'll get it together.

It'll be all right. It'll be all right.

It'll be all right.

I've neutralized the bomb.

Oh, J.J., my brand-new dress!

I'll neutralize you!

Hey, what is this? Have we all gone mad?

I mean, bomb threats, Mobs, revenge...

We act as though a hit man is going to be here

any minute.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[ALL SHRIEKING]

You get the door, J.J.

Yeah, you get the door.

You've lived the longest. Go on.

Okay, now, just maintain cool.

Y'all getting upset over nothing.

This is just a Fig Newton of your imagination.

I'll tell this guy where it's at.

I'm looking for Mr. Dunbar.

Uh, that movie's playing down the street.

I said "Dunbar," not "Goodbar."

Frazee!

Oh, hello, Dunbar.

It wasn't easy, but I found you.

Don't shoot.

We just washed the floor!

I have something for you, Dunbar.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Twenty-five thousand dollars.

Huh?

I want you to go to Mexico

and forget about testifying against me.

Twenty-five thousand? Shut up, toothpick!

This is between Dunbar and me.

What do you say, Dunbar?

How 'bout it, pal?

You know, I don't like the idea

of you offering my man Dunbar here

a bribe.

This is a man of honesty, integrity, bravery and courage.

Matter of fact,

I think I can safely state from my position

that rather than take your dirty money,

Dunbar here would rather have you shoot him.

Hey. I'll speak for myself.

Go ahead. Go ahead, Dunbar.

Tell him about all those people you gonna get their money back.

Tell him about all those people

you gonna give their day in court to.

Tell him about all those poor people,

and you're gonna get their money back.

Go ahead, Dunbar, tell him.

You right, J.J. I shouldn't take that money.

That's right.

But I am.

Look, I'm sorry,

but this is more money than I ever seen in my life.

Come on, Dunbar.

Get your things and get out of here.

I'm putting you on the plane to Mexico.

Hope you get down to Mexico

just in time for the Kaopectate festival.

J.J., I love you so much for what you did last night,

I'm giving you two helpings of pancakes.

Thelma, if you loved me at all, you wouldn't give me any.

Oh...

You know, I'm just sorry that Mr. Dunbar got away.

Thelma, he didn't get away.

Matter of fact, when he was leaving,

I slipped two of your cookies into his pocket.

So that means that when he got to the airport,

they must have arrested him

for concealing a deadly weapon.

Oh, J.J.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Cello.

Oh, hello there, Mr. Galbraith.

Yeah, nice to hear from you, boss.

Huh? What?

You're giving my five days a week back?

You know there, Mr. Galbraith,

I was thinking about quitting that job.

Hey! Give me that phone, fool!

Hello, Mr. Galbraith?

He'll be back.

And thank you very much.

Okay, bye-bye.

Hey, Thelma, what'd you do that for?

We don't need that job.

All we got to do

is reel in a customer for next month.

And then after that,

we can rent some more apartments.

Then after that,

we can rent some more, and some more.

And it gets bigger and bigger,

until one day, we'll own our own ghetto!

Oh, J.J.

Once is enough.

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *