Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

J.J., will you get up?

You're gonna be late for work!

Thelma, he won't wake up.

He hung a "Do Not Disturb" sign on his ear.

You know, he's really tired lately.

Do you know he slept through my breakfast all this week?

Thelma, that's not tired.

That's survival instinct.

Hi, y'all. MICHAEL: Good morning, Willona.

Hi, Penny. What you got there?

My geography project for school.

Come on, Penny. Show them the map

you made of the United States.

It's wonderful. My child is so talented.

She sings, she dances, roller skates, ice skates.

I can't draw.

Hmm.

She's right, Willona. She can't draw.

Girl, you're lucky if you can trace.

Here. I gotta go to school.

Don't tell her that.

I keep telling her she can draw

to build up her morale.

That's why I keep saying, "You can draw."

Even though I know

I'm lying through my teeth.

I came to ask J.J. for help.

Okay, I'll see if I can get him up.

J.J., now, will you get up?

Penny wants to talk to you.

Penny, I don't think it's any use.

Do you mind if I try? You can try,

but I don't think it's going to do any good.

[AS MAE WEST] Hey, big boy,

this is Boom-Boom Belinda.

Why don't you come out and see me some time?

Boom-Boom.

Where's Boom-Boom?

Boom-Boom went bye-bye.

Michael's going bye-bye too. Later, y'all.

J.J., could you please help me make a map of the United States

for my geography class?

Penny, you don't need me to help you make your map.

Hmm.

The United States is in a lot of trouble.

It's not due for three weeks.

Good, 'cause it's going to take me that long to get to it.

They've got me doing so much work at the office,

the only time I get to go to the bathroom

is on my day off.

Then why don't you go to your boss

and ask for help?

I needed help with my map,

so I came to you.

Penny, you're just a little tyke.

Obviously you don't understand

the intricate "workeries"

of a big business organization.

"Ask for help" indeed.

Not a bad idea.

Warren.

Yes, Mr. Harris?

Where's Evans?

At the prop warehouse on the way to work.

You know, the Big Bear Cola layout, remember?

Yeah, the minute he gets here, I want to see him in my office.

And it's important.

I certainly will do that.

Right.

J.J. [DEEP VOICE]: Which way to the North Pole?

Uh, who's your honky friend?

Get it? Honky friend. Get it?

Look, Warren, you better not mess with this cat.

He may just be hibernating.

Boy, I tell you Warren, I am tired, man.

Zonked out. Worn out.

Well, don't get too comfortable.

Mr. Harris wants to see you right away.

He wants to see me, huh?

Well, doesn't he know Evans has got things to do too?

Evans has got a schedule.

Evans has got people to see, places to go.

You know what I'm talking about?

I gotcha.

So he will see Evans when Evans is good and ready.

Evans, get in here!

Evans is ready.

I'm glad you called me in here, sir, because--

Sit down, Evans.

Because I want to sit down,

that's what I want to do.

What is this I hear about you having too much work to do?

Me? Too much work? Mm-hmm.

Never.

Hey, work is my life.

Work means everything to me.

I love my work.

Well, I suppose you won't need

that assistant I just hired for you?

You-- You hired a new assistant for me?

Yes, an assistant.

Why do you think I called you in here?

Uh, because, uh...

Because you wanted to tell me about the assistant.

Thank you there, Mr. Harris.

J.J., what happened in there?

Warren, I just laid it on the man straight-out.

I told the cat,

I said, "Man, either you give me some help in here,

otherwise, I'm walking."

Well, don't feel too bad about it, J.J.

You'll probably find work somewhere else,

I guess.

No, Warren,

he don't want to lose me.

You know what I'm talking about?

He begged me to stay.

That's how come, as of today,

I'm having my own assistant.

He gave you an assistant?

That's right, Warren.

That is right.

Give me some claw.

Is that your new assistant?

Get it? He's, uh... Yeah.

Warren, I just know

when this cat gets here,

he'd better be ready to work.

You know what I mean?

He better be ready to take out the garbage,

take out the ashtrays,

get me some coffee.

That's what an assistant's for.

Well, I'm really glad to see

that success hasn't gone to your head.

J.J.: Not me, Warren.

Not me at all.

No, sir.

You know, Warren, in this world,

there are followers and there are leaders.

Me, I happen to be a leader of leaders.

Oh, I knew that.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, well, well, well, well.

Charmed.

Evans...

Evans is the name.

Love is the game.

So you're Mr. Evans.

Hi, I'm Valerie Johnson, your new assistant.

You're my new assistant?

But I thought that, uh...

I was supposed to be a man, right?

Uh, well...

it's obvious to see you're not a man.

Why don't you come over here, mon cherie.

Sit down here with me

and possibly have a little coffee?

Getting coffee?

I thought that's what assistants were for.

Oh, that's right.

Johnson, get me some coffee.

Well, see you later, leader of leaders.

Nice meeting you, Valerie.

I'm going to my desk now.

Uh, Valerie, let me help you with that.

Oh, that's okay, Mr. Evans.

You don't have to call me Mr. Evans.

You can just call me...

[CLINK, CLINK]

J.J.

And I wish you'd call me Val.

Well, Val, now that we have all the small chit-chat

out of the way,

why don't me and you go down

and skip the light fandango,

and have a little lunch break.

You know what I'm talking about?

Okay, J.J.

You know, it's a good thing

I was hired to be your assistant.

You need one. Huh?

Oh!

I see I made a little oops-oops.

I guess I'll go straighten up

down at the executive "toy-toy."

Well, how's it going, honey? Fine.

I think it's going to work out.

Good. You want to go to lunch?

You should have asked me sooner.

I'm having lunch with...

[TAP, TAP]

J.J.

You know, he seems like a real nice guy.

Yeah. Does he know who you are?

No.

And I'd like to keep it that way,

Okay, Daddy?

[MOUTHING]

Whatever you say, honey.

I'll talk to you later.

I see you were talking

to old "Over the Hill" Harris.

J.J., is that any way to talk about your boss?

Boss in name only.

Everybody knows

I make all the important decisions.

Oh, really?

That's right.

Everybody knows Harris has been

taking credit for my work

for years.

You better watch out

around old "Grab and Hold" Harris.

"Grab and Hold" Harris?

[STOMPING]

I tell you, no woman is safe around him.

The man does more pinching

than an oversexed lobster.

The old bald-head geezer.

Oh.

Well, look, I'm gonna get my coat, okay?

Yeah, and watch out for old Harris

lurking in the hallways.

Probably chasing after women.

Well, I really got to hand it to you, J.J.

You painted a very vivid portrait of Harris

for Valerie.

Bet you scored a lot of points too, huh?

Well, you know, what can I say?

Maybe you should say goodbye.

Valerie is Harris' daughter.

Nice working with you, J.J.

I'm going to my desk now.

Goodbye, desk.

Goodbye, chair.

Goodbye, rubber cement.

Goodbye, big fella.

Keep a cold upper lip.

And goodbye, paycheck.

J.J., where do you think you're going?

I thought we were going to lunch.

Uh, lunch has been cancelled

due to a case of big "mouth-nism."

So you found out I'm the boss' daughter.

Oh, come on, J.J. Put your things back.

I'm not going to have you fired.

But you know,

my father really isn't as bad as all that either.

No, I know.

I mean, he's made this agency what it is today.

He's a wonderful person.

He's a family man.

He goes to church.

He loves his family.

He loves his wife and his children.

Matter of fact,

I was thinking of having him made Saint Harris.

Wait a minute.

He's not as good as all that either.

Look, J.J.,

I didn't tell you I was Harris' daughter

because I wanted to be liked for who I am

and not for who I'm related to.

Now, how about lunch?

Well, I did bring a sandwich here.

We could share that.

Ah, boy.

Uh, you don't want this sandwich.

Why not?

My sister Thelma made it.

Well, what is it?

Uh, green tuna.

Green tuna?

Well, you know, maybe it isn't ripe yet.

Yeah, I would feed it to the bear,

only he's an endangered species.

I don't want the poor thing to become extinct.

J.J., tell me a little about yourself.

Well, there's really not much to tell.

It's a very short story.

I'm charming, witty...

brilliant, "de-bon-er," uh...

cordial, wonderful, superlative,

and just your everyday, ordinary genius.

Is this for an ad layout?

J.J.: Oh, yeah, that's just a little sketch I did.

It ain't no big deal.

VAL: J. J., it's fantastic.

Can I keep this?

Oh, no, no, no. I'll give you another one that's better.

This one's all smudged up. No, I want this one.

Oh, no, this one's not that good.

No, but I don't care. I want--

Uh!

Well, uh...

what are we gonna do now?

MAN: Kiss her, turkey.

Oh, man! Come on!

What y'all guys doing here?

Hey, look, man, I just came down

to tell you we got tickets to the roller derby, you know.

The championship playoffs, three weeks from today.

[AS HOWARD COSELL] The roller derby,

where the thrills are exceeded

only by the vicious brutality

of its demented participants.

Yeah, yeah, well, look here,

this is wonderful, cats, I'll be there,

but there's a conference going on right now--

J.J., aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, Valerie, this is Poppo and Head,

but they were just leaving.

Not so fast, Brother J.

Hey, man, can't you see the brother wants to be alone?

Hey, man,

I can't see nothing but the lady.

Hello, Valerie.

Oh, man, come on. Your rap is tapped.

Hey, man, I was just getting started.

That's what you told my sister.

Now, get on out of here.

You've got some interesting friends.

Yeah, very interesting.

Now, look, Valerie.

Yes, J.J.?

Uh...

where were we?

Hi, y'all.

THELMA: Hey, Willona.

Hey, Thelma, you got anything dirty

to take down to the laundry room?

No, I did the wash yesterday, Willona.

Honey, I ain't talking about the laundry.

I'm talking about some gossip.

How about J.J.'s been seeing Valerie every night

for the last three weeks?

Honey, that is not gossip. That's ancient history.

Did J.J. finish my map for school?

I don't think so, Penny.

You know, he's been very busy lately.

I don't know which makes me feel worse,

that he's not helping me do my homework,

or that he's going out with that old, ugly girl.

Oh!

Oh, don't be jealous.

He just likes Val, that's all.

Mama, what has she got

that I won't have in a few years?

Right now, Penny,

she has a father who's J.J.'s boss.

Oh, now, Gramps, that's not nice.

Well, Willona,

things have been getting better for J.J. at work

since he met Val.

Oh, now, darling, that's nothing.

That's just a... coincidence.

I don't believe it.

It's unbelievable.

Justice has finally occurred.

WILLONA: What? What? What?

It's a miracle.

What happened?

Well, beloved family, friends, and...

Thelma...

as of today,

the person in charge of the artwork

on the Big Bear Cola account is me.

Yours truly, the ebony prince.

That's right, that's right, that's right!

[MOUTHING]

Yeah, J.J.

When did you get the news?

Well, today, right after lunch.

Me and Valerie came back from lunch,

and Mr. Harris laid the news on us.

See? I told you it was just... coincidence.

And would you believe

there are certain insidious people down at the office

that believe that I got this assignment

just because of my relationship with Val. Ha, ha!

Can you believe that ludicrous and ridiculous assumption?

[LAUGHS LOUDLY]

Well?

Well, I think I hear my phone ringing.

I sure do. I'll see you later.

J.J., if that map isn't done by tomorrow,

you and I are through.

I bet you heard that!

Well, things are really going good now.

I'm now rising up the corporate ladder.

Yeah, J.J.,

but whose shoulders will you be standing on?

What do you mean by that?

Val is a very nice girl, but she is the boss' daughter.

J.J., has it ever occurred to you

that you might be using her?

Oh, come on, Thelma.

I happen to like the girl.

That's why I'm going out with her.

The reason I'm rising up the corporate ladder

is 'cause...

like cream, I always rise to the top.

So does the garbage in Lake Michigan.

I don't have to listen to this anymore.

I've had enough of you cats.

I happen to have a date with Val tonight, anyway.

Oh, what a surprise.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

This is probably Val right now.

Huh. Okay.

[PLAYS STRANGLED NOTE]

Charge!

Climb aboard, Brother J., 'cause the Roller Derby Express

is on its way.

[PLAYS STRANGLED NOTE] Whoo!

It can't be. Not tonight.

Ooh, lord.

Thelma, Thelma, Thelma.

Hey, look here,

if you were a socket and I was a light,

could we get together and twinkle tonight?

Poppo, if I were a shoe...

Yeah? Yeah?

and I were a sock...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know what I'd say?

Go crawl under a rock.

Hey, wait a minute, guys.

Hold on.

I don't think I can make it tonight, man.

Hey, man, you gotta make it.

I bought you a ticket.

Cash money.

And I get mean when you mess with my green.

Wait a minute. I got a date with Val tonight.

Hey, man, you can break it.

No, he can't.

Why not?

'Cause she's the boss' daughter.

All right.

Now, come on. Hold on. Hold on.

Man, it ain't anything like that.

I want to go out with Val.

I mean, I happen to like the girl.

Is there anything wrong with that?

Nothing wrong with that.

She's fine. It's cool with me.

J.J., we've been buddies for a long time, right?

Mm-hmm.

Now, has this fox got you so wrapped up

that you can't get away for one night?

Yeah, man. Come on. Remember our song, now.

* United we stand Divided we fall *

* We're tighter than pantyhose Two sizes small *

* J.J. *

* Poppo * * Good old Head *

* We're the Gleesome Threesome Until we are dead *

[INDISTINCT]

Give me that ticket. I'm going. I am going.

Oh, yeah? And what are you going to tell Val?

Hey, Thelma, I'm my own man.

I can make my own decisions.

I don't know what I'm gonna tell Val.

Well, whatever you tell her,

I don't want to be here to hear it.

I do.

No, 'cause we're going to Willona's.

I have to live in this house--

Stop talking-- Hey, hey, hey.

Thelma, Thelma, Thelma.

Never, never, never.

She's starting to weaken.

J.J., let's get on out of here.

Let's go on out to this roller derby.

Man, I swear, those lady skaters in those tight leotards

just turn me on.

All right, I hear you. [KNOCKING]

After this, we're gonna get ready to get on, giddy-up,

get on, go to the roller derby.

Hi, J.J. You ready?

Oh, hi, Val.

Uh, come on in.

You remember Poppo and Head.

Yeah, of course.

Uh, can we get going? We're running late.

Uh, Val, there's been a slight change in plans.

We're going to the roller derby.

Roller derby?

Hey, man, I only got three tickets.

J.J., I'm waiting.

Well, uh...

"A-hum, a-hum, a-hum, a-hum,

himiny, himiny, himiny..."

* United we stand Divided we fall *

* We're tighter Than pantyhose *

* Two sizes small *

All right, guys,

we're going to the roller derby.

All right!

I'll meet you all down there.

See you down there.

J., take care of business, bro.

Right on.

You mean to tell me you'd rather go with them

instead of me.

Uh, well, Val, see...

uh, you don't understand.

We've been lifelong buddies.

No, you don't understand.

You got to give a little to get a little.

Now, uh, what's that supposed to mean?

Don't tell me you haven't been enjoying the fringe benefits

of being my boyfriend,

like the Big Bear Cola job?

Oh, now, come on, Val.

I got that assignment because I deserved it.

Well, if that's what you want to think...

Hey, Val,

anything I get I get on my own.

I don't need you.

Oh?

Well, let's see how far you get without me.

Hey, J.J., what are you doing home?

You should have been at work hours ago.

Thelma, I'm not going to work.

Why not?

After what went down last night,

I'm not sure whether I have a girl or a job left.

Come on, J.J.

Now, think of the bright side.

Thelma, that is the bright side.

You got any of that oatmeal left?

Oatmeal?

Since when do you eat my oatmeal?

I don't.

I'm using it to make California on Penny's map.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I want it to be earthquake-proof.

Oh...

Excuse me.

I'm Mr. Harris, J.J.'s boss. Uh-huh.

May I speak with him for a moment?

Yeah, he's here. Come on in.

Uh, Evans, why aren't you at the office?

Oh, you want me to come down and clear out my desk, huh?

Clear your desk out? Hell, no.

I want you to get busy on that Big Bear Cola layout.

You know, uh, me and Val broke it off last night.

Yeah, I know. She told me.

And I told her she was completely out of line.

You mean she had nothing to do with me getting that assignment?

Evans, what do you take me for?

I run an ad department, not a gift shop.

Now, you got that assignment

because you're a damn good artist.

Well, if you feel that way about it...

Evans, just be down at the office in two hours.

I'll be there in ten minutes.

I think you're gonna need a little bit more time.

Hi, J.J.

Uh, hi, Val.

Look, I know you probably don't want to see me,

but I just wanted to apologize for last night.

I was out of line,

and I said what I did because I was being spiteful,

and, well, I guess I better be going.

Uh, wait a minute, Val.

You know, uh...

we could start over again.

We could, couldn't we?

Would you like to go out to lunch?

Well, I would love to,

but I'm waiting for California to dry.

What?

On Penny's map.

I used oatmeal to make California,

and I'm waiting for it to dry.

J.J., the Mississippi River

doesn't go through New Jersey,

and Texas should be bigger,

and North Dakota

should be above South Dakota--

Uh, Valerie, Valerie.

Uh, you may be the boss' daughter,

but around here, I'm the boss.

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *