Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

All right, Michael, it's your turn now.

Don't throw a four, Michael,

because if you throw a four, you'll land on "Go To Jail."

So don't throw a four.

Come on, dice, Brother Michael needs a new pair of shoes.

Whoo. A big fat four!

Welcome to the slammer.

I don't want to play this childish game anymore.

Oh, Michael, don't be a sore loser.

Come on, now, it's my turn.

Don't throw a seven, Thelma,

because if you throw a seven, you'll land on Marvin Gardens,

where you'll have to pay me $1200,

and that'll wipe you out.

No way!

Come on, seven!

All right!

Look, I don't want to play this childish game anymore.

MICHAEL: Don't be a sore loser, Thelma.

Well, well, well.

Hello, dear friends,

wonderful family,

and Thelma.

Hey, J.J., what's in the box?

Michael, a new thing we got at the ad agency.

It's called Formosa Punch.

MICHAEL: Formosa Punch?

That's right.

A nutritious, delicious, drink.

Made from the fine essence of Chinese mandarin oranges.

Is it good?

Well, that's what I'm here to find out, Penny. See?

We're consumer testing this in different markets,

and we want to find out what the public response is.

Go ahead and take a swig of it, there.

Yuck!

Oh, my goodness, this is awful.

This stuff tastes like it's been strained through

Fu Man Chu's mustache.

I'll put y'all three down as undecided.

Hi, y'all.

ALL: Hi, Willona.

I'm glad you're here, Willona.

We got a new thing at the ad agency, we call it Formosa Punch.

Why don't you taste that, See what you think of it.

Go ahead. That sure is

a pretty color. Yeah.

Good "gugamooga!"

That makes three undecideds and one "good gugamooga."

Hey, guess who called me today?

ALL: Who?

Frank Mason.

That's terrific! That's super!

Who's Frank Mason?

Oh, well, he's an old friend of mine.

He used to be a building contractor around here

before he went off to Alaska.

That's been about three years ago, huh, Willona?

Three years, six months and two weeks.

But who's keeping score?

Anyway, he called me at the boutique,

I told him to come by and say hello to everybody.

No wonder you're so excited, Willona.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Me, exci--

Me, excited? No, I'm not, I'm cool.

Uh, how do I look?

Terrific, Mama.

Is this Frank Mason somebody special?

Oh, no.

Nobody special.

Nobody special?

Willona, you almost married him.

Gramps, don't be silly.

Now, Frank and I had a good time together,

but it was just one of those things.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

It's him!

I'll get it. Hold it!

Don't you do nothing--

Let me get myself together.

I want to be cool and collected when he opens that door.

No that's not it.

Whoo!

Now.

Well, here I am.

I got a report about a busted window in your bathroom.

Yeah, that was three months ago, and we fixed it ourselves.

Well, I'm glad to have been of service.

Uh, wait a minute, Bookman.

The hinge on the toilet seat is loose.

Hey, that's dangerous.

A person could get hurt that way.

A person did get hurt.

Hey, Bookman, since you're doing such a good job around here,

how would you like a nice refreshing drink?

Hey, don't mind if I do.

Scrumptious!

There you go, I told you.

Bookman likes it.

Booga liked it?

What does he know?

He eats Hamburger Helper straight from the box.

Then he eats the box.

I'm chagrinned.

And you're "cha-greedy" too, baby.

Mr. Bookman, can I come watch you?

Sure, Penny, but, why do you want to watch?

'Cause Mama always says you don't know which end is up.

And I want to see how the toilet seat turns out.

Come on.

Well, since Frank isn't here yet,

I think I'll slip home to my place,

put on something a little more welcome home-ish.

You know what I mean?

Baby, just seeing you is welcome home enough!

Honey, honey, we're not alone.

You remember Thelma, J.J.--

Hi, Frank. Hi, Thelma.

Hey, J.J., how's your--?

Good to see you, man.

What's happening, Michael?

Hey, where's your dogsled?

Downstairs.

Double parked.

Boy, with those bad threads,

You must have really hit it big in Alaska.

Well, I ain't saying that I done well, you understand?

but, J.J., if I wanted to, I could buy me four Cadillacs.

One for each direction.

Look here, y'all, Alaska is just the beginning.

I've got buildings going up all over the world.

Next week, I'm off to Caracas, Venezuela.

Well, that figures.

You've been here all of four hours.

Yeah, but this time,

we got something permanent to talk about.

Permanent?

Permanent. With a capital "P."

We were just going.

We were?

Yeah, we were.

Oh yeah, that's right.

We were just going.

Yeah, we might as well leave,

and give away some more of this Formosa Punch.

Who are we gonna give it to?

Who don't we like?

We already gave some to Bookman.

Let's see if Mrs. Bookman's home.

Hey!

Whoo-wee.

Well, that's a relief.

You've been in Alaska so long,

I thought you might want to rub noses.

Oh, yeah, well we can get down with that.

Oh, it's been a long time.

You don't know how I've missed you.

Oh, missed me?

I should have guessed, you know, all those letters you wrote.

Hey, I'm not one for writing.

I'm better at saying things in person.

Yeah, like, goodbye, baby.

I'm trying to say hello, baby.

Sure, that's why you're off on the first thing

smoking to Caracas.

Yeah, but I'm not planning on going alone.

For you, baby.

For me?

Oh, it's beautiful!

Frank, does Elizabeth Taylor know you stole her ring?

You better stop it.

I tell you what. You go on and try it on.

If it don't fit,

I'll take you out and buy you a bigger finger.

Frank, why didn't you let me go to Alaska with you

like I wanted?

Like I told you,

hey, we were so far away from civilization,

that at the office party, we used to have to

boogie down with the polar bears and pinch the caribou.

Oh, Willona, what kind of life would that have been for you?

We wouldn't have seen each other for months at a time.

Instead, we don't see each other for years at a time.

Well, look, baby, I mean, all that's over now.

I'm back, and I got plans for the future.

Willona, you're my future.

Oh, Frank.

Okay, so when do we pick up the marriage license?

Is tomorrow too soon? Now, sit down,

let me tell you some things that are important, you know.

Okay, all right, lay it on me.

Well, when you left I didn't know what to do with myself.

I ran around like a chicken with a head cut off

trying to find something and somebody to fill that void.

But now there is someone else.

There is?

Yes, someone that loves me and needs me.

Someone you got to meet right now

before we go any further.

Honey, come out here, please.

Yes, sugarplum?

Negro, please.

You know I was not talking to you.

Oh, that means you got another honey in there?

I sure do.

Come on out, baby.

What is it, Mama?

Mama!

A lot of things have changed since you went away.

This is my daughter, baby.

Your daughter? Uh-huh.

Well, she kinda tall for three years old.

Well, it's all them grits and everything, you know.

No, this is my adopted daughter.

Penny meet Frank Mason, an old friend.

Frank Mason, Penny Woods.

Hi, Penny.

Hi, did you see any Eskimos in Alaska?

Oh, sure, lots of them.

Do they really eat blubber?

Blubber?

Blubber is very big in Alaska.

It's very big here too.

Hey, Penny, where's those little round things

with the holes in them?

He's so helpless without me.

Willona, she's beautiful.

Yeah, baby, she is the best thing that's happened to me.

Okay.

When do the three of us go down to city hall?

You still want to marry me?

Of course, I love you, Willona.

And now that I've met Penny, I'm sure I'm a love her too.

Hey, we're going to have great times,

tripping around the world.

But, Frank-- Ahh.

We'll have a ball.

I got contracting deals lined up in every corner of the globe.

Frank, I-- Shh.

We'll go into town, we'll pick up the shots,

passport, marriage license all at the same time.

WILLONA: Ain't life a blip!

All my life, I've dreamed of traveling around the world,

And now it's all gonna come true.

I've gotta think about Penny.

Well, what's to think about?

Wherever we trip, she trips.

Kuwait, Ghana, Marrakesh, New Guinea.

Oh, Frank, you don't understand.

Penny has been drifting all of her life.

Now for the first time, she's got real roots,

and a place she can call home.

I cannot take that away from her.

Willona, she'll love being on the move.

It's one wild experience after another.

That's just what that child does not need.

Another wild experience.

She has been through hell, honey.

Now, what she needs now

more than anything else is stability.

Well, wait, wait, wait.

Darling, don't you think that if I could offer you

one home, in one place I would?

I got to travel. My life's out there.

Frank, you know I know that.

Isn't it ironic?

You know, if you had asked me this three months ago,

before Penny came into my life,

I would have jumped at the chance.

But now, Penny needs me here.

And I got to stay, no matter what the dues are,

I love you, baby.

But I can't marry you.

Not right now.

So, uh,

maybe you better take this back.

Okay.

But I'm not gonna give up on you.

I'm a be in this town seven more days.

And I'm gonna try my damndest to make you change your mind.

Oh, I don't think you can,

but I'm going to enjoy every second of you trying.

Well, right on to the trying.

Hi, baby.

Oh, you're doing your homework like a good little girl?

Well, when you finish that, I got big surprise for you.

That's nice.

Aren't you going to ask what the big surprise is?

Okay. What's the surprise?

Frank is taking us out to dinner.

We're going to Fritz,

wait till you see the size of those steaks.

I like hamburgers.

Honey, look at this.

Think Frank'll like to see me in this?

Yes, Willona.

Or should I wear my peasant outfit?

Did I wear that Monday or--?

Oh, Well, it doesn't matter, this is Frank's favorite color.

You know, he called me six times a day at work,

talking a whole lot of nonsense.

And I said to him:

"Do you wanna see something in a soft, pink, satin jumpsuit?"

And he said, yes.

Me! Ow!

Aren't you excited about going out tonight?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Isn't Frank the most fantastic man you ever met?

Uh-huh.

Well, I'm going to take a bath.

You pick out what you wanna wear,

and I'll find you a matching ribbon, okay?

Okay.

Penny, can I borrow your bubble bath?

Uh-huh.

Thank you.

Hey, uh, Penny.

Could I borrow some of your detergent?

It's under the sink.

Yeah, Thelma used it all last night,

to blast some refried beans off the pot.

J.J., do you spell burden with an "o-n" or an "e-n"?

Well that all depends, Penny.

See, you can use the "e-n" if you want to use

the subject nominative of the verb.

Sometimes the subject nominative verb is not always available.

Then that calls for an adjective of phrase,

which is another whole story all together.

And then you have a predicate pronoun,

which can be used once in a while,

if the adverb is not around, you understand?

But, then, sometimes,

a nominative clause of the verb gets inverted,

with a pronoun.

And then, if you want to use the "o-n," then,

that's another case all together, you know?

What happens there, is you get one of them

"arastits" in there.

Them "arastits" can hurt your hand when you're writing,

you know how you make those little things in there?

And then you throw a gerund in.

If you throw a gerund in with the arista,

what happens is you get a dangling participle,

and you don't want your participle to dangle.

You can use all of these things if you use a "w" or a "u,"

but this is only in the case where it is followed by a "z."

Oh, "e-n."

Uh, what are you writing anyway?

It's a secret.

A secret, from the object of your main affections?

If I tell you something,

will you promise you won't tell a soul?

I promise.

Swear you won't tell?

If I shall blab, if I shall squeal,

may I lose all of my sex appeal!

Okay,

I'm gonna run away from home.

You're going to run away-- what?

"Dear Mommy,

"I am running away from home,

"because I don't want to be a burden anymore.

"Please go around the world without me,

"and don't try to find me.

"Love and kisses, Penny.

P.S., I love you."

What is this all about, Penny?

I'm in the way.

Penny, you're not in the way and you're not a burden.

Yes, I am too.

Mr. Mason wants to marry Mama and take her around the world.

And she wants to go.

Only she can't on account of me.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, I sort of heard Mr. Mason and Mama talking about it.

And that's why I'm running away.

Penny, me and you got a lot of talking to do, here.

You'll just try to talk me out of it.

Oh, no, I won't.

Yes, you will.

You have that shifty look in your eyes.

My eyes are always shifty, Penny.

See, that's my style.

Now, what's all this about?

Well, I heard Mama tell Mr. Mason that I needed roots,

and that she couldn't be his, 'cause I was hers.

Maybe she was just trying to dump the guy,

and using you as an excuse.

But she kissed him.

That don't mean nothing.

Plenty of my girls kiss me.

And that don't mean they love me.

Some of them don't even like me.

Many of them don't even know me.

They just doin' that,

to get me from leaning up against their door.

So I'll go on home.

Well, I think Mama meant it when she kissed Mr. Mason.

And we'll all be better off if I go away.

Oh, no, Penny, Willona'll be heartbroken if you left.

She'll forget about me.

No, she won't.

She'll be miserable without you.

All mommies are miserable without their children.

You mean, like your mama in Arizona?

Is she miserable without you?

Yeah, in a way, but it's a different story, Penny.

'Cause, see, me, Thelma and Michael, we're big kids.

But, see, you're only a little tiny morsel.

Under 18. A minor.

And, see, if the policemen heard about this,

they'd come take you away immediately.

You're right.

Well,

I guess now you know what you gotta do.

Uh-huh. I'll lie,

and say I'm a 18-year-old midget.

Or maybe I can borrow some lipstick from Thelma.

And that'll help me look older.

Thanks, J.J.

You don't wanna borrow any lipstick from Thelma.

That'll make you like an orangutan.

Well, I guess we can talk this over,

over a long rinse cycle. What do you say?

Ok, I'll carry the detergent for you.

No, no, no.

That's much too heavy for you.

Here, grab this. Much better.

All right.

I'll get the door for you.

I see you struggling there.

Let me get the door for you, come on.

Come on now. Let's move on over here.

Yeah, there you go.

All right! Ha, ha, ha.

Hey, Thelma, what's wrong?

Michael, I poured some of that Formosa Punch down the sink,

and the sink turned orange.

And now I can't get it out.

[PHONE RINGING]

It'll be alright, sis, hang in there.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Miss Johnson.

What?

Oh, Miss Johnson, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.

What? Well, maybe you got a bad can of Formosa Punch.

They're all bad.

Well, why don't you try sandpaper?

Well, good luck, Miss Johnson.

Okay, bye.

Boy, she's really angry, Thelma.

Michael, what happened? Did her sink turn orange too?

No, her dentures.

Her dentures?

Is Penny here?

No. No.

She left this note.

I don't believe it. I think she's run away.

Run aw--?

Oh, my goodness. I can't--

Michael, look, you go downstairs and see if you can find her.

I know she couldn't get far.

That child is my life.

If anything happens to her, Thelma, I--

Willona, nothing's going to happen.

Everything's gonna be fine. You stop worrying, okay?

Tell me what happened.

We got dressed and were gonna go out,

then I found the note.

Thelma, she's gone.

I tried so hard to be a good mother.

I think I'm a failure.

No you're not, Willona. You're not a failure.

Everything's okay.

Maybe I was too strict.

No, no, no. You gave everything she wanted, you know.

You're right, you're right. I was too lenient.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hi, Thelma. Oh, hi.

Hi, baby, I tried your apartment, you weren't there.

You ready to go? I made reservations for 8:00.

Oh, Frank!

I could change it to 9:00.

I can't find Penny. She's run away, I think.

Tell me what happened.

I don't know. She wrote something about being a burden.

I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what I've done.

Okay, calm down. Have you called the police?

The police, I should have called them in the first--!

Okay, okay, calm down. She'll turn up, baby.

See?

Oh, Penny!

Oh, hi, Mama.

Baby, where you been?

I've been worried to death.

In the laundry room.

You mean you ran away to the laundry room?

How did you know?

I guess she read your little note.

You weren't supposed to until after I left.

Oh, baby, come here.

Why did you try to run away? Aren't you happy with me?

Oh, yes, Mama.

But, I thought you'd be happier without me.

And that way, you could marry Mr. Mason,

and see the world.

And other swell places.

What gave you that silly idea?

The other night, when we were talking.

Ohh. Oh, baby, I don't want to see the world.

My world is right here with you.

But you love Mr. Mason.

You kissed him.

Three years ago, I loved Mr. Mason.

But the other night, when we kissed,

we both knew, it was all over.

Right, Frank?

Oh, right, right. Right.

Then how come you wanted to marry my Mama?

Well, uh, for, uh, companionship.

That's right. Just for companionship.

But I heard you say, three months ago,

you would have jumped at the chance.

I would have jumped at the chance, three months ago.

But three months ago, I didn't have you, baby.

Then I am in the way.

Oh, Penny, come here, honey.

Now, if three months ago, some other woman had said,

I'm offering you a house, and security and love,

would you have jumped at the chance?

Yes.

Would you do that now?

No.

I wouldn't wanna give you up.

And I wouldn't wanna give you up,

for anything in the world, baby.

You mean it? Oh, yeah.

Honest and true?

Honest and true.

I love you so much.

Willona, I looked all over, and--

Hey, Penny, you're back.

I never was away.

Well, well, well.

Now this is a joyous occasion.

This calls for a swig of Formosa Punch!

Formosa Punch?

I better go get dressed.

I'm going out with Mama and Frank tonight.

Ah, Formosa Punch.

Penny, I'll help you.

Hey, y'all, wait up for me.

I'm gonna go to Jack in the Box, and talk to the clown.

Well, I guess that just leaves us, Frank and Willona.

Down some Formosa Punch.

J.J. Evans can take a hint.

If I have to drink this delicious stuff,

all by myself, I will. Ha, ha, ha.

I guess I'll have to put down another undecided.

You know, I never dreamed I'd say this to you,

but you are one beautiful liar.

And you are one beautiful mama, Mama.

You do understand, don't you?

Yes, baby, I understand.

Hey, and you know something?

You made the right decision.

Oh, it wasn't the right decision.

It was the only decision.

And I love you for it.

Hey, pretty, if I ever decide to settle down in one place,

this has got to be the place.

Well, try me again in three years.

Same time, same place.

You got a date.

Let's go get Penny.

Okay, but, look, you better write me.

I ain't goin' for no more of this--

I don't need to write, I'm like--

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *