Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

When are you gonna finish that homework, Michael?

You promised we could play Go Fish.

Later, Penny.

I'm still doin' my science.

Well,

tell me what your lesson is,

and maybe I can help you.

I don't think so.

We're studying the feasibility

of inserting geodesic domes into space,

for the purpose of human colonization.

Now did you understand that?

Every word!

Except the part about "skeezix" and the gnomes.

Well it just means that

in a few years from now,

they're gonna put 100,000 people

into space to live.

They'll stay there for a couple of years.

Won't they have to come back down to use the bathroom?

No.

They're gonna go up there.

They will?

Hi, y'all!

MICHAEL: Hi, Willona!

Whoo-wee!

All I can say is, T.G.I.F.!

What does "tigif" mean?

That means, "Thank God It's Friday!"

But today, that means,

"This Girl Is Footsore!"

In my school, we say it's P.O.E.T.S. Day.

Oh! What's Poets Day?

Pooh On Everything! Tomorrow's Saturday!

That's cute.

What'd you do today? Were you a good girl?

Yup!

I've been helping Michael with his science.

Willona?

If we all go up to live in space someday,

can we in the same ghetto as the Evans'?

Oh, honey.

If that day is ever possible,

I hope there is no more ghettos to deal with.

Speaking of "skeezik gnomes," look who just walked in.

Mr. Miguel,

scoff if you will.

But your older, smarter brother,

The Gumshoe of the Ghetto,

has successfully been stalking the dude

that Thelma's been mysteriously dating.

I don't believe it!

You found out about Lloyd?

No, he gave me the slip for the third day in a row.

WILLONA: Oh.

WILLONA: Oh boy.

Mama, who's this Lloyd?

Honey, I don't know that much about him.

Except Thelma never brings him around.

Maybe she doesn't want him to see his handicap.

Handicap?

J.J., we haven't even met him yet.

So how do you know he has a handicap?

Michael, any dude going out with Thelma,

can't be playin' with a full deck.

You know what is so strange about this Lloyd?

He never sees Thelma at night.

He just sees her at lunchtime.

Hm, you know,

that is strange, Willona.

How could Thelma fall in love

over a hamburger?

Well, in the words of that great poet,

Rodney Allen Rippy,

"Happiness is a warm bun."

* Hold the pickles Hold the lettuce *

* Get the dishes Set the table *

I'll start dinner.

I don't get it.

Why are you following Lloyd all over town?

Easy, Penny.

There's something strange about a dude

we never see at night.

And I don't like him dating my sister.

Only thing I know about this cat

is that he works in a toy company.

A toy company?

Then he can't be that bad.

Mm...dude's probably giving secrets

to the Russians of Frisbees.

Worse than that, honey.

He could be married.

Married?

And datin' my sister?

Boy, I'll pulverize the man!

I'll tear him limb from limb!

I'll rip his lips off!

But, Mama.

If Lloyd's married,

why's he going out with Thelma?

The same reason you came back for a second piece of pie.

Huh?

I'll explain it to you when you get older, baby.

Oh!

It's another one of those.

Yes, another one of those!

Hi, everybody!

J.J.: Hey! MICHAEL: Hi, Thelma.

All right, girl. Where you been?

Oh, I was out shopping for a present for Lloyd.

Hm, you know, Thelma, you've been seeing a lot

of this Lloyd dude lately.

What's going on between y'all two?

Hey, come on now.

He's just a very nice guy.

Well, Thelma, if he's such a nice guy,

why don't you invite him over

to one of your special home cooked meals? Ha.

So we can all get to meet him.

Yeah.

And if he's really your friend,

you'll tell him to have dinner

before he gets here.

Willona, like I said,

he can't come over at night because he works nights.

Yeah, I've heard that line before.

And where have you heard that line before?

From me. I use it all the time!

Thelma, honey, what kind of work

does Lloyd do at night?

Well, it's a top secret job.

And he really can't talk about it.

Maybe he is a spy!

There go the Frisbees!

Thelma, honey, listen.

We'd really like to meet Lloyd.

Why don't you bring him over?

Unless, of course, you're...ashamed of us.

Oh, come on, Willona.

I'm proud of everybody in this room.

That's right!

Almost everybody.

Hey, wait a minute!

What's all these little funny remarks

goin' on around here?

Oh, all right. I get it.

Because I don't see Lloyd at night,

you think that he's married, huh?

Oh! Ha! Are you kidding?

Oh, honey!

That thought never entered our minds!

Yes it did! Willona said--

What did you say, Willona?

Well, honey, I said he sounds married.

Now come on over here, honey.

I'll give you a little test.

You see, there are five signs to a married man.

Okay. Number one.

Does he take you out at night?

No.

Okay, number two.

Does he want to meet your friends?

Well, no, he never said he didn't wa--

Three.

Did he ever take you to his place?

No.

Number four.

Did he give you his home phone number?

Willona, he doesn't have a phone.

Five.

Oh, I know five!

Does he ever ask for a second piece of pie?

Oh.

Five.

I was just trying to help.

I know, you just help yourself to a seat.

All right, five.

Is he extra specially nice to you?

Oh, yes, Willona.

He opens up doors for me,

and he pulls back chairs.

And he never stops paying me compliments.

Mm-hm. That sucker is married for sure.

Yeah, cause, ya see,

married men are like Avis.

They have to try harder.

I tell you he is not married!

And besides,

I'm a big girl now,

and I can take care of my own affairs.

I mean relationships.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm having lunch with Lloyd tomorrow.

So I'll just ask him to come to dinner, okay?

And he'll come!

You'll see. He'll come!

Thelma.

Hey, love.

You've hardly touched your salad.

Hey, come on, baby.

Now, if there's something on your mind, tell me.

You know, we only get to spend this time together.

You know, we only meet at lunchtime,

and all I know about you is that,

you like your hamburgers medium rare.

With no mayo.

Well, a woman should know

how her man likes his lunch.

Yeah, and a woman should also know

where her man spends his nights.

Thelma.

Hey.

Hey, did I ever tell you...

How much I love your eyes?

Lloyd.

I do. Yeah, you told me that.

But I wanna ask you something.

Little something.

What little something you wanna--

Are you married?

Married?

Whatever put an idea like that into your head?

I know it sounded silly and everything.

But you know our neighbor, Willona?

Oh, yeah. She has this test.

"The five sure signs of a married man."

And I passed.

With honors.

Lloyd, I believe you, but...

Hey, um.

Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?

Please?

Oh...

Thelma, your happiness means everything to me.

And if it'll make you happy, then,

I'll try and come to dinner tonight, okay?

Oh, Lloyd, thank you!

Hey, Romeo!

You want anything else?

That's on the menu.

Yeah, how 'bout the check, please.

Coming right up.

Well, have you decided anything yet, Mr. Bogart?

Shh!

Come on, I don't have all day, ya know.

Then, uh...

[AS HUMPHREY BOGART] Just bring me a cup of coffee, sweetheart.

Ah, Mr. Big Spender, huh?

Look, it says here.

$1.25 minimum per person.

Then, uh, bring me five cups of coffee.

Sorry, I need a food order.

I can't let you sit here without an order.

Now I want an order, ya hear?

All right, you want an order?

Leave me alone!

Here ya go, lover.

Thank you. Mm-hm.

Hey, where ya going, Mr. Big Spender?

Uh, I'm in a hurry. Could you give me the check?

You trying to stiff me or something?

Uh, no, my dear, could you just write out the check.

Okay, hold onto your shirt, Diamond Jim.

Could you hurry up there?

Here you go, sport. That's $1.32.

Ya think you can handle it?

I think so. Here ya go.

Dollar... thirty-five.

Thank you, keep the change.

Taxi!

Three cents.

And I didn't think he would be a big tipper.

Willona, are you sure Lloyd is coming to dinner tonight?

Well, Thelma said he was, and he'd better.

After all this work I have done.

Oo-la-la!

Mm!

[FRENCH ACCENT] Ze medallions of ze beef. Ha!

With the fresh spring carrots,

and the small, pearl onions,

and the whole baby potatoes.

It is a meal fit for a king!

Whoa, Willona, that really sounds fancy.

What do you call it?

[NORMAL VOICE] Stew!

Oh, don't tell me!

Don't tell me.

Ya lost him again!

Not this time, Willona.

This time I had the knack of Kojak,

and I was better than Baretta!

Is he or isn't he married?

Well, I got good news for y'all.

At the end of a working day,

Lloyd Williams does not go home to a wife.

That's good! Thank goodness!

But, I did find out where he does go home to.

Where? Where?

The slammer.

Lloyd's in jail.

In jail?

J.J., is this another one of your jokes?

No, Willona. The man's in prison.

Hold on.

You mean he's a guard.

No, Michael.

He's wearing stripes.

And he's not a zebra.

I can't believe it!

Lloyd in prison.

That's impossible, J.J.

Now if the man is in jail, how is he meeting Thelma?

Hm, maybe he breaks out for lunch.

He doesn't have to. They let him out.

Just to see Thelma.

That's part of his punishment.

The man's in a halfway house.

A halfway house?

Yeah, Willona, I know what that is.

It's a place halfway between bein' free,

and bein' in prison.

They send a guy there whose sentence is almost up.

That way, he can work in the daytime.

Then he can adjust to the outside world.

Dating Thelma isn't adjustment.

That's shock treatment.

You know, I wonder what he was in for.

Maybe he was a murderer.

Oh, wait a minute, now.

Do they put murderers in the halfway house?

Uh-uh.

Most of the time they put them back on the streets.

If he's in the halfway house,

he must be in there for a white-collar offense.

Hm, like stranglin' a priest.

Well, if you're all finished playing "What's My Crime,"

I'll tell y'all what Lloyd's in for.

You mean you found out, J.J.? What is it?

Well, y'all.

What I found out, is that...

Lloyd was married before.

J.J., they can't put you in jail for that.

To two women.

J.J., they can't put you in jail for that, either.

At the same time?

Now, that they can put you in jail for.

Good Lord!

Thelma's going out with a bigamist!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Uh oh. That's them.

Act natural!

Come in!

Hi.

Is dinner ready?

Ah. Not yet, baby.

Why don't you, uh,

go back home and do your homework.

I already did.

Well, do tomorrow's homework.

Oh, boy.

If you keep talking about things

you don't want me to hear,

I'll be the smartest kid in class.

Uh, Gramps, do me a favor.

MICHAEL: Yeah?

Keep Penny company for a little while.

Ah sure, Willona.

Hey, Willona. Are you gonna tell Thelma?

Honey, I don't know.

You know, it's so strange,

the woman is always the last one to know.

No, she isn't.

I am.

WILLONA: Girl!

J.J., maybe we'll be lucky,

and Lloyd won't show up after all.

Yeah, maybe he won't be able

to give the bloodhounds the slip.

Oh, J.J.

How are we gonna tell Thelma she's involved with a bigamist?

I mean, how are we gonna tell her that?

Uh, simple, Willona.

We'll get 'em the towels for their wedding,

we'll just have monogrammed on there,

"His, Hers and Hers."

Oh, J.J.,

I'm worried about Thelma.

Yeah, so am I, Willona.

I guess we're just gonna have to tell her.

J.J., you don't understand.

Thelma's in love.

And when a woman's in love, everything is different.

Take it from me, honey.

If you tell her the truth about Lloyd now,

you'll break her heart.

Hi, everybody!

I'd like you to meet Lloyd.

Oh, hello, Lloyd. How are you?

I've heard a lot about you.

Well, hello, I've heard a lot about you too.

But I can see that Thelma's praise was much too modest.

Mm-hm.

And the licorice stick with ears, is my brother, J.J.

So this is J.J., huh?

Well, I've heard that, uh,

you're quite a dude with the ladies, huh, man?

Yeah, I thought I was,

but I guess I'm nothing

compared to some other people I know.

Well, let me take your coat, and everybody sit down.

I'll check on the dinner.

Hey, where are Michael and Penny?

Well, uh,

Penny was sentenced to do her homework,

and, uh...

Michael is guarding her.

Michael, that's your other brother, right?

Well, I understand he's going to become a lawyer?

Yeah, he's going to work for the legal reform.

Well, we sure could use it.

Yeah, some of us need it more than others.

Lloyd, uh, would you care for a chicken wing?

Thank you very much.

* If I had the wings Of a chicken *

J.J., what are you doing?

Oh, Thelma, honey, come on.

You know J.J.

He's always saying weird things.

Sometimes I could just lock him up,

and throw him in a cell, and throw away the key.

Well, uh, Willona,

I think I'll go put the bread and water, I mean...

Bread and butter on the table.

Hm-hm.

Uh, I can tell something weird is going on around here,

but I don't know what's happening,

and I apologize for it, Lloyd, I really do.

Oh, you don't have to apologize, Thelma.

You may not know what's going on around here,

but he does.

I do?

I do!

Doesn't that sound a little familiar, Lloyd?

I do, I do.

Listen, Mr. Two Timer.

You better go on and hurry up

and tell Thelma, otherwise I will!

Tell me wha--?

Well.

Uh.

Come here, baby.

See, Thelma, there is something

that I should have told you from the start.

I, uh...

Well, I'm doin' time.

What?

There is no mysterious, you know,

government night job, and all that.

I have to take a bus

after I leave the job at the toy store,

and go to a...

halfway house.

Oh, Lloyd.

Well, I had to get special permission

just to come here tonight.

I'm sorry, princess, I--

Well, I wanted to tell you from the start,

but I was afraid that I would lose you.

J.J.: Mm-hm. Yeah.

Look here, Lloyd.

That's very nice of you to confess and everything.

But you didn't have to do that on account of me and Willona.

I mean, this is between you and Thelma, ya know?

Tell her the rest!

Uh, I don't wanna hear any more, okay.

I don't wanna hear any more of this.

I think you'll wanna hear this.

Tell her, Lloyd.

Uh, Willona, it really doesn't matter! Ya know what I mean?

Uh, I think Lloyd's got one or two

more things to tell you.

You heard the lady.

She's not interested.

Thelma, honey,

I know this is hurting you a little bit,

but it's best you know the whole truth now,

so you can end it!

End it?! Who said anything about ending it?

Thelma, he's been lying to you ev--!

Lying!

Willona, he lied to me because he loves me.

And whatever else he's done,

he's paying for it right now!

Oh, Willona, give the man a chance!

Hey, Thelma, baby.

You don't know what it means

for me to hear you say that.

Thelma.

Ask him what he was in jail for.

Look, I don't care!

I mean, Willona,

we were brought up to forgive and forget.

To love a person for what he is,

not for what he was,

or for what we want him to be.

Lloyd.

I mean, it doesn't matter--

It really doesn't matter to me what you did, okay?

Because I have faith in you.

Ah, Thelma, baby.

You're one hell of a lady.

I love you!

Well, if you love her,

why don't you tell her the truth?

All right.

All right.

I will.

Oh, come on! Stop it, now!

Stop it! Thelma.

I don't wanna hear it. I don't need to hear it.

Thelma!

Unless-unless Lloyd really wants to tell me.

Thelma.

You see, uh...

I was, uh...

Convicted for...

Embezzlement!

Oh! Oh!

I took some money--

I took some money that didn't belong to me,

legally, ya know?

Brother, that ain't all you took

that wasn't legally yours, you know?

Are you satisfied now, Willona?

He told me the truth! Now get off my case!

Well, Willona. I gotta tell her now.

No, J.J.!

You can't! She'll hate you for it!

I'm her brother, Willona. She'll love me forever.

Lloyd and I have decided to eat out.

Yeah, well, uh. Goodnight.

Can't say it was a pleasure.

Uh, Thelma.

Lloyd's a bigamist.

That's right.

He was married to two women at the same time.

And if you marry him,

that'll make him a "thrigamist!"

You liar!

I hate you!

Thelma, honey, he's just tryin' to save you!

Lloyd is not what you said.

For one thing, I know he loves me.

I know that.

And he is not what you said he is.

Now you take that back!

I wish I could, Thelma, but I can't.

Willona...

Willona, you're a woman, and--

And you know how it feels to--

To really believe in a man, right?

Well, will you tell J.J.

that Lloyd couldn't do that.

Lloyd?

Um.

Baby, it uh...

It's true.

I mean, it was true, that, uh--

But it's not that way anymore.

Now that I've known you,

I can be a different person.

Oh, yeah?

A different person.

One that lies and says he embezzled money.

No, I was confused. I was mixed up.

I didn't know what I was saying.

Yeah. Well it's not my-- I just can't believe you.

I don't know whether to believe you or not!

Thelma, let me suggest that we go--

Uh, may I suggest that, uh...

You move your butt on outta here.

That's right.

While you still got a butt to move.

Well, baby, you got the whole truth now.

That should make you feel a little better.

Yeah.

It should make me feel better, huh?

Why do I feel so bad, huh?

Oh, baby. I've been there.

I know what you're feeling.

But you'll be all right.

Watch. You'll see.

Well, I...

Guess I'll be leaving.

J.J.?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say I hate you.

I don't know how I could be such a fool!

It's all right, Thelma.

On rare occasions,

I've been known to make a fool outta myself too.

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *