Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

Some of these personal ads sure do get personal.

Here's a man that'll pay $100 reward

for the return of his dog.

No questions asked.

And here's another that'll pay $25 reward,

for the return of his wife,

and a lot of questions asked!

Thelma. How come you spendin' so much time fixing your face

just to go to the library?

Well, Michael, you never know when you'll meet a guy

who'll wanna take out something besides a book!

That's true.

Instead of reading a horror story, he'll go out with one.

All right, buddy, that's 12.

Twelve what?

Twelve times you've hassled me

since Ma's been gone.

You mean, you've been keeping a hassle list?

Now that's a dirty, low-down, rotten, sneaky--

Thirteen!

What do you mean thirteen?

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Put down the paper and put down the comb,

'cause the ebony bread-winner has arrived home.

Hey!

Ain't anybody gonna ask me how the day at work went?

Glad y'all asked.

Had a big business lunch with the boss.

Took me to one of those fancy restaurants:

La Grande de Maison la Cherbourg!

That's French for, "The hamburgers cost 5 dollars."

What's in the box, J.J.?

Ah, glad you asked, Michael.

As I was perusing my wardrobe,

I came to the startling realization

that I was short...

of shorts!

I got one for each day of the week.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, Friday,

Sunday.

What you gonna do for Saturday?

Hmm...guess I'm gonna have to live dangerously!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, I'll get it.

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

MICHAEL: All right, Thelma.

Oh, Bookman, what do you want?

I'm surprised at you, Thelma.

You should never look the gift horse in the mouth.

How can I?

I always think of you

as the other end of the horse!

Horse? It's more like Orca,

The Killer Whale of the Ghetto.

Just for that,

I'm not gonna let you have this.

What you got there, Bookman?

You got a CB goin'.

Hold on, Bookman,

you were gonna let us have a CB?

Out of the goodness of my heart.

Oh, yeah, I would like to believe that, Bookman,

except for two little details:

You have no goodness, and you have no heart.

Watch it, J.J.

Don't put your fingerprints on that.

'Cause that CB could also stand for

Citizen Burglarized!

I'm appalled that you would think that.

Okay, I'll hand it to ya straight.

I'm in a bind.

You gotta hold this CB until the heat's off.

You were right, Michael.

He swiped it!

No, man. I bought it.

As a matter of fact,

I'll be buying it for the next 36 months.

You see, the heat is Mrs. Bookman.

Hold on, you mean Mrs. Bookman is the fuzz?

Only a little on her upper lip, a little bit.

You see, the problem is,

Mrs. Bookman caught me talking on the CB to a trucker.

And what's wrong with that?

The trucker's name was Florence.

Flatbed Florence!

I see why you're in trouble.

Hey, that's only half of it.

She hit the ceiling when she found out

what my CB name was.

What do you call yourself, Bookman?

Big Bad Buffalo Butt?

No, man!

I'm known over the airways as...

Super Stud!

Bookman, I don't think it's the name

that's buggin' Mrs. Bookman.

It's the lie!

Now that's a cold shot.

But I need you.

Hey, J.J.,

do you know how to operate a CB?

That's like asking the Harlem Globetrotters

if they know how to dribble!

Let's check it out.

Check it out!

Hey, remember, fellas.

Don't let anybody know about this. Okay?

I mean, Mrs. Bookman thinks I'm getting rid of it.

But this is our little secret.

Hi, y'all.

Look-a here, look-a here!

Bookman, what you doing?

Nothing.

Uh-huh, I know.

That's that CB radio you bought,

that's gonna take you three years to pay off,

that your old lady will get rid of,

'cause she found out you was hittin' on some chick.

Ain't that right, Super Stud?

How do you know about that?

Willona got her own antenna.

Pardon me.

Now, I promised your Mama I'd look in on ya.

Let's count noses. There's one, two--

Where is the other nose?

Thelma went to the library.

Oh, yeah.

To meet someone who might be interested

in taking out something beside a book.

I gotta get home now and get Penny's dinner started.

I'll see ya later, Super Tub.

She does have her own antenna.

Hey J.J.,

will you show me how to operate this CB?

Monpleasure, lil' brother, monpleasure.

Well, fellas, uh...

Take care of my little baby for me, okay?

See, Michael, all you gotta do

is just turn this little switch here.

And you're on the air.

Don't play that thing too loud, or I'll have to evict you!

MAN [OVER RADIO]: This is Sampson, where are you, Lady Lou? Over.

WOMAN: Southbound on Loomis. Over.

Breaker one-six. Breaker one-six.

MAN: Go ahead, breaker.

What's the handle? Over.

J.J.

MAN: "J" who?

Uh... You take one "J,"

and then you take another "J,"

and that adds up to me! J.J.!

Tall, tan, good-looking, and the inventor of cool!

WOMAN: You have a sexy voice, Mr. J.J.

Well, if you think the voice is sexy,

wait till you see the body that it comes out of.

WOMAN: In time.

Right now, I got to back on out.

Ten four, J.J.

Ten fo-wo-wo-ur!

Yeah.

Okay, Michael, now there ya go.

All ya gotta do is,

whenever you go in on a channel,

just say "breaker,"

give your breaker number and handle.

I can't!

Sure you can!

J.J., I know what to say on the telephone,

but I don't know how to talk on no CB!

Hey, Michael, nobody expects you to be as glib as me.

I mean, if they had a contest, they'd nominate me

for the Golden Tongue Award!

Just open your mouth and keep it flappin'!

Hey, where you going?

Michael, I paid for Saturday.

And I'm gonna get Saturday!

WOMAN 2: This is Fun Girl calling Chopper.

Come in, Chopper.

Come in, Chopper. Over.

Um...um... Fun Girl?

That doesn't sound like you, Chopper.

Um, it's not, it's--

What's your handle?

Handle? Um, uh--

I didn't read. Come on, breaker.

Gimme a handle or clear the air!

Um...J.J.!

"J" who?

J.J.!

You know, you take one "J," then take another "J,"

put them both together, and you got me.

J.J.!

Hey! That's cool!

I don't recognize your handle.

How long have you had ears?

Ears?

They came with my head.

[LAUGHS]

You're funny!

Hey, how'd you get the handle "Fun Girl"?

'Cause I like fun things.

Dancing, bike riding,

walks in the park, bowling.

You name it.

If it's fun, I like it!

Hey, well, then it's a cinch that you'll like me.

'Cause when you talk about fun,

I am the most!

How old are you?

I'm 6...times four, minus two,

which would give you an even 22.

You know, sometimes I wonder how I was able

to squeeze so much charm into so few years!

Hey, what do you do?

Er, um...I am an artiste at an ad agency.

What do you do?

I'm a dancer.

Hey, what do you look like?

Uh, let's just say I am blessed with the best.

What do you look like?

What do I sound like I look like?

All right! Hey!

Hey, J.J.

I really liked jaw-jacking with you,

but I've gotta sign off now.

I'll be back on at 2100,

lookin' for you, baby.

Roger and out.

Um, roger and out!

Ow! Serious CB jaw!

Um, I bet you probably have a big date tonight, huh?

Wrong.

Oh. Well...

isn't there anybody you want to go visit?

Mm-mm.

What about Lorraine Buchanan?

Oh, Michael.

I haven't talked to her in over two years.

You kidding?

Thelma, that's even a better reason

to drop in and say hello!

Michael.

Hm?

Are you trying to get me outta the house?

Who, me?

Whatever gave you that idea?

You! Well, if you are, forget it.

'Cause I'm tired,

and nothing's gettin' me outta the house tonight.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hi! MICHAEL: Hi.

Me and Willona are gonna bake a cake and need two eggs.

Hey, I'll get 'em.

Hey, Thelma, why don't you help her.

Hey, that'd be a great idea!

You're a regular genius in that kitchen.

Wait a minute.

You always complain about my cooking.

You know, Thelma, lately, it has been improving.

As a matter of fact,

I haven't thrown up for over a month!

Michael, are you sure you're not trying to get rid of me?

Who, me?

We need some flour too.

Flour. All right.

Here ya go.

And a cup of milk.

Cup of milk.

No, make that two cups.

One for the cake and one for me.

Here ya go.

All I need is two cups.

That's okay. Take the whole thing.

Bring back what you don't need.

And do you have a cake pan?

Cake pan, um...

Hey, hold on. I got a better idea!

Why don't you just borrow this?

That's the kind of cake I like to bake best.

One that came from the store!

Thelma, you wanna come and help us eat it?

Yeah, that's a good idea!

Thelma's even more of a genius at eating

than she is at baking.

Okay, Michael.

But nothing better not be going on around here.

You hear me?

Okay, come on, Penny. Let's go.

See y'all later.

All right, now.

[RADIO STATIC]

FUN GIRL: Oh, yeah, Chopper,

I'd love to go dancing with you.

But, you know,

I'm all dated up for the next three weeks.

Or maybe it's four! Over.

CHOPPER: I'm sure anxious to get together with you, Fun Girl.

Um...breaker one-nine.

Break acknowledged. What's your handle?

This is J.J., and I'm calling for Fun Girl.

Sounds like a personal thing to me,

so I'm gone. Over and out.

FUN GIRL: I nearly gave up on you, J.J.

I've been thinkin' about you.

I felt, you know,

like we really kinda dig on each other.

Hey, baby, you know how it go.

You dig, I dig.

Together, we're dug!

Hey, I got an idea.

How 'bout you and me getting together sometime,

and weaving a little magic spell?

Well, I'd like to know more about you, first.

What more do you need to know except that I'm tall,

good-looking and the inventor of cool!

What do you do at the agency, J.J.?

I'm indispensable!

The boss takes me to all the big luncheon deals.

Like today, we had lunch at La Grande Maison de Cherbourg!

That's French for, "We get six bucks for a hamburger!"

Five bucks!

Um... Yeah, J.J.

Man, I didn't expect you home so soon.

Yeah, I bet you didn't, little bro.

FUN GIRL: Say again?

Yeah, go ahead and say it again.

I can hardly wait to hear what J.J.'s gonna say next.

Stand by, Fun Girl.

What's all this about?

[LAUGHS]

J.J., I was just kidding.

You know, Fun Girl doesn't even--

She doesn't know either one of us.

Look here, Michael.

I have a tough enough time being me as it is. You know?

You could never be me anyway!

Now look here, Michael.

You get back on that horn and tell that girl the truth.

Come on, J.J., man.

You're not gonna ask me to do that.

I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.

Otherwise, I'm gonna have you arrested

for impersonating a prince!

Fun Girl standing by.

Are you still on, J.J.?

Go ahead, Michael.

Fun Girl?

Is that you, J.J.?

Well, yeah. Sort of. I mean, like...

It is and it isn't.

It isn't.

I don't understand.

If you're not J.J.,

then what's your handle?

I really don't have one.

My real name is Michael.

Then what about all that other stuff?

About being good-looking,

about being an artiste at an ad agency,

about being tall, and cool.

What about all that, huh?

My older brother's all those things.

Older bro--?

How old are you?

Seventeen.

Sixteen.

You can't be very much,

if you have to pretend to be your brother.

Remember my handle, Fun Girl?

All that talk about taking me dancing,

taking me for walks in the park,

taking me bike riding?

I hope you had fun funnin' me!

Hey, but Fun Girl--

Sorry, buddy. Off the air.

Mm-mm-mm.

They got Hamburger Helper,

Tuna Helper.

Uh-oh, look, there's something new here.

Junk Food Helper!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Willona, I'm gonna go bowling.

Do you think my pants are a little tight?

Honey, if they were any tighter,

you'd have to wear them under your skin!

Oh, Willona!

Well, I won't be out too late.

See ya! See ya, Mike!

Yeah, all right. Bye.

Ah, Gramps, come on, honey.

You been moping around here like you were Farrah Fawcett

and you discovered you got a bald spot

in the top of your head.

Still feeling down about Fun Girl, huh?

Yeah, Willona.

I only got a chance to speak to her

on the CB a few times.

I really started to like her.

If only I hadn't pretended to be J.J.

Amen for that!

Gramps, honey, look.

You got a whole lot to offer a girl just being yourself.

Yeah? Name one thing.

You're conscientious. You're a good-looking boy.

And someday soon, you're gonna be a handsome, fine young man.

But what's more important, you got a good heart,

and I love you, baby.

Hey, Willona.

You sure you didn't say that

just to make me feel better?

Mm-hmm.

That's why I said it.

But also because it happens to be true.

I'll see ya later, sugar.

Yeah, thanks!

Okay.

Well?

How does Saturday grab you?

By the throat!

You know, J.--

J.J., I surely hope I don't look like that

when I get your age.

Michael, you're just jealous,

'cause you don't have a physique as good as mine.

Physique?

J.J., man,

if you didn't have varicose veins,

you wouldn't have any legs at all!

Michael, if I'd known

I was gonna get insulted like this,

I wouldn't have bothered to get Fun Girl's name

and address for you.

You did that?!

J.J., man, how'd you do it?

Very simple, Michael.

Tell me!

I just got on my CB yesterday,

and I called Chopper,

who called Sampson,

who called The Red Ryder over in Stickney.

He got in contact with The Lone Ranger,

from Blue Island,

who got in contact with Goldilocks from Oak Lawn,

who got in contact with The Raven from Melrose Park,

who contacted all the CB'ers in Cicero.

One of those dudes got in contact

with Hot To Trot from Summit.

Hot to Trot got in contact with The Black Widow

from the South Side.

And she relayed my message on to The Pirate,

from River Forest,

who knows Fun Girl's cousin personally.

And that's how I got it.

No trouble at all!

Now, here's her name.

It's Nancy Colten.

Now you can go over there and apologize,

and let her meet the real you!

Okay.

And after she meets the real you,

you can apologize for that!

Calling Michael. Come in, Michael.

Come in.

Yes, what is it?

Um, I'm looking for a Nancy.

I'm Nancy Colten.

Oh, um...

[CLEARS THROAT]

Same first name-- Right first name but, um...

must be the wrong apartment.

Hey, I'm sorry to put you through any trouble.

That's okay.

Yeah. Right. Bye.

Hey, Thelma--

MAN [OVER RADIO]: --we catch you on the flip.

Break one-nine.

It's The Mad Trucker on that eight-O.

We looking? Come on.

Breaker one-nine.

Where you going, Mad Trucker?

Hey, thanks for the comeback there, good buddy.

We're heading for that Rock Island town.

What's your handle? Get back.

My handle?

Oh, uh... Bubblin' Brown Sugar.

But you can call me Bubblin'.

Ten four on the Bubblin'.

Hey, what's your 20?

You mobile or a base? Come on.

Am I a who? Uh...

Listen, uh...if you're asking me if I'm home, yes.

I don't know whether I'm a base

or whatever you call that.

Ten-four on whatever you call that.

I'll be back in Chi-Town tomorrow, don't you know.

What about you and me getting together? Get back.

Ask him if he's got a friend.

Girl, you almost scared me to death!

You finish your homework?

Yeah. Keep talking to him! Okay.

Uh, Bubblin' Brown Sugar

for the Mad Trucker. Over.

Yeah, that's a big ten, roger.

I thought you backed out without signing off. Get back.

Well, a friend of mine just came in.

What's her handle? Come on.

Her handle? Uh... The Lady In Red.

Oh, four-ten on The Lady in Red!

Hey, ladies, I got me a friend.

What about the four of us getting together

and doing what comes naturally?

Get back.

How old is your friend?

Twenty-nine.

How 'bout your friend? Come on.

I'll let her tell you herself.

Hey, there, Lady in Red.

How old are you, sweet thing? Come on.

I'll be 10 my next birthday.

[MIMICS MAE WEST] But I'm very mature for my age, big boy.

That's good!

This is The Mad Trucker.

We down, we gone. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye!

That was so cute! I tell ya, he thinks--

Oh, Gramps!

Everything okay?

Uh-huh.

What does "uh-huh" mean?

Uh-huh means uh-huh!

Now, there's some uh-huhs I like,

and then there's some uh-huhs I don't like.

That's one of those uh-huhs I don't like.

I don't like it either.

Come on, Penny.

Let's let Gramps work out his own uh-huhs.

Bye, Michael.

Uh-huh.

[DOOR CLOSES]

FUN GIRL: Fun Girl calling Michael.

This is Fun Girl calling Michael. Come in, Michael.

Uh, Fun Girl? This is Michael.

Where have you been?

I've been trying to reach you for half an hour!

Are you okay?

Um, yeah!

But why are you calling me?

Hey, I thought you were angry at me.

Well, I got to thinking

that maybe the other day I was a little rough on you.

For a "fun girl," I wasn't very much fun.

Hey, well, I had no business

pretending to be someone that I wasn't.

Let's forget about all that.

Let's start being friends all over again.

Hey, the other day you said you'd take me dancing.

Did you mean it?

Dancing?

Oh.

Oh, yeah! Sure!

I'll take you dancing.

And I'll take you for walks in the park too.

Hey! How would you like to go roller skating?

Oh, I'd love to go roller skating!

Hey, and we can go skiing too.

Would you like that?

Skiing sounds great!

We'll talk about it some more, okay?

Okay.

Fun Girl clear--

Well!

I see y'all are friends again!

Oh. Yeah.

Well, Michael, you don't have to thank me.

I mean, what are big brothers for?

I don't expect any thanks!

Look, J.J., I got some things to take care of right now.

So just leave me alone, all right?

You're welcome.

Fun Girl calling Michael.

Come in, Michael!

Come in, Michael!

Do you have your ears on?

Uh, yeah, got ya loud and clear there, Fun Girl.

Uh, Michael just took a hike.

This here is J.J.

Oh! J.J.!

I've heard a lot about you!

Indirectly.

Let me tell you, directly,

and very modestly,

that everything you've heard

is true!

Well, tell Michael I'll be rappin' with him later.

I got something on my mind.

Listen, why don't you come over and tell him in person?

In person?

Yeah! I'll give ya the address!

Well! Good work, troops.

Too bad y'all washed those dishes up so quick.

Just when I was gonna give y'all a hand!

Oh, yeah?

Well, we got a lot more left.

No, no. It's always been my motto:

When something is going good,

don't mess with it!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

It leaves my hands free to handle the knock.

Yes, sir!

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Hi.

Oh, of course we'll help you!

Of course we'll help you!

Here you go.

You don't understand.

I'm Fun Girl.

Oh, you're Fun Girl? Well...

Give my dollar back!

Come on in, here.

Uh... Fun Girl,

this here's my, uh, sister.

Thelma.

Hi! Hi, how are you?

And, uh, my brother, Michael.

Weren't you--?

You were the one who came to my apartment!

Then you knew about me.

Oh.

You were gonna take me dancing and skiing.

You didn't say anything.

You knew I couldn't walk.

And you still wanted to be friends.

Well, you know.

I put you down for pretending to be something you weren't.

When I was doing exactly the same thing.

I guess that's why they sell so many CB's.

Over the CB,

you could be whoever you want.

I'm sorry.

Hey! Wait a minute!

Where are you going?

I still wanna be friends.

You do?

Yeah, sure! We can do a lot of fun things together.

I guess we could.

Hello, Michael.

Over.

Hello, Nancy.

Over.

Well, Thelma! Break out the Kool-Aid!

And get that cake you baked, if you can lift it.

Michael? Uh...

I got something to say.

Well, J.J., if it's about my lying to you--

That's exactly what it's about.

Michael, you're a beautiful person.

And I'm proud of you.

Well, you know.

What can I say?

[INDISTINCT]

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *