Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

Michael, what you doing?

Missed him!

See that fly over there, Thelma?

He's about to buzz his last buzz.

Oh, Michael! Wait, now.

Don't kill him.

If there's such a thing as reincarnation,

that might be somebody we know.

Thelma, who do we know

that can walk upside down on the ceiling?

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Hey! What's happenin', Poppo!

How ya doin', Head.

What's happening, Cool Breeze.

Float like a butterfly, stings like a bee.

We comes to see J.J.

Where is he?

You know, that's pretty good, Head.

Howard Cosell, right?

Howard Cosell? What--?

You got it.

[MIMICKING COSELL] For the record,

I would like to state

that I have perambulated to the Evans abode

for the sole, express purpose

of our monthly confabulation

with the eminent Brother J.

Well...right now, J.J.'s still at work,

but he'll be here in a minute,

so you know, just... cop a squat.

Relax, you know.

That ain't like brother J

to be late for one of our sessions, now.

Man, I split from work an hour early.

I even left a customer waiting.

What you mean, a customer, man?

You work at Ferguson's funeral home.

You should have put him in layaway.

Ooh! Thelma, Thelma, Thelma!

Ooh!

Girl, where you been hiding yourself?

You got to be the foxiest chick there ever was.

Just say the word, and I'm yours forever.

No.

That ain't the word I had in mind.

Hey! What's happenin'!

Hey, what's happenin'! J.J.!

What's happenin'!

Put 'er there!

You got it! You got it!

Now we can get it on with the roll call!

Dig it!

[IN UNISON] One! Two!

You know what to do!

* Down at the Bijou He can be found *

* We call him Head For his brain of renown *

* Sees all the movies Whatever plays *

Two times nightly and matinees.

* Well, Poppo's charm Is famous, y'hear *

* He comes on strong When the ladies are near *

* Now he's got class And he's got clout *

Come on, Mama, we're steppin' out.

* Well, one of Ferguson's Employees *

* Is this here dude We call Cool Breeze *

* And with his clients He has a ball *

'Cause in the end, I dig them all!

* Now, this man here Is the ebony prince *

* Ain't no one like him Before or since *

* No one's smooth As Brother J *

Well, you know, just what can I say?

* United we stand Divided we fall *

* We're tighter than pantyhose Two sizes small *

J.J.! Cool Breeze!

Poppo! Head!

* We're the Awesome Foursome Until we are dead! *

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Hey! Yeah, man! All right!

BOOKMAN: What took you so long?

Now he's out there doin' it.

Lookie, lookie, lookie.

Here is Bookie.

Well, if it ain't the Dirty Dozen,

minus eight.

Hey, Bookman. What do we owe

the displeasure of this visit to?

Well, your sister reported some trouble with the stove.

And I rushed right over to fix it.

Rushed over? I called you six weeks ago.

Thelma, you know Bookman is a very slow rusher.

Well, since you rushed, go fix it!

Thelma! Thelma, baby, wait a minute.

Girl, I can't live without you.

Oh. Now, Poppo, check this out, now.

Why don't you meet me in the park, huh? Ten o'clock.

Ooh!

You know, near the statue of, uh, Jimmy Carter.

Oh! All right!

Ah, 10:00 in the park...

near the statue of Jimmy Ca--

Wait a minute, baby!

There ain't no statue of Jimmy Carter in the park!

Well, when they put one in, I'll meet you there.

[NASAL LAUGHTER]

MICHAEL: I'll see you all later.

All right, Michael. Hey, y'all, what we gonna do tonight?

We got to do something.

Ah, man. I don't know.

Uh,

what do you wanna do?

I don't know, man.

What you wanna do?

Come on, man. We've been getting together

every month for the last 12 years,

and we never know what we gonna do.

Why don't we go where some ladies are.

Maybe we can get lucky tonight.

Poppo, you couldn't get lucky in a girls' seminary.

Did someone say cemetery?

Poppo couldn't get lucky there, either.

Man, if we had wheels, we could go anywhere.

Oh, now. Come on, Breeze.

Where are we gonna find wheels?

I could borrow the hearse.

Hey, look here, man.

Last time we borrowed the hearse,

we got followed by 20 cars.

And had a police escort.

I got a car I might be talked into selling.

That piece of junk?

That piece of junk happens to be a classic.

It even has a bucket seat.

Bookman, anything you sit in has a bucket seat.

What kind of car you got?

A 1954 pink and gray DeSoto.

1954?

Man, that car's older than we are.

Bookman, let's get down to the nitty and the gritty.

How much you want for that car?

Fifteen hundred dollars.

Fifteen hundred dollars? Look here, Bookman.

I know I'm making a couple of dollars now,

but that's a little bit out of my league.

I've got 50 dollars.

Fifty dollars? Man, I can match 50.

Me, too, man.

Well, 50 times four. That's...

200 dollars, Bookman.

Two hundred dollars?

You expect me to accept that measly sum

for my little pink and gray beauty?

Two hundred dollars!

Man, that's an insult!

Look here, Bookman.

Two hundred dollars is all we can come up with.

It's a deal! All right!

[CHEERING]

Bought a car. Bought a car.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on in here?

Mr. Miguel,

you're looking at the proud new owners

of a 1954 DeSoto.

Wanna run that by me again?

The boys here just bought my car.

You bought a used car from this man?

Hey, y'all.

Hi, Willona. Hi, Willona.

J.J., be a dear, and ask Thelma

to keep an eye on Penny. I have to go downtown.

Willona, how would you like a ride downtown?

Ooh, honey, I'd love it.

How you plan on carrying me? Piggyback?

Or do you know somebody with a car?

[IN UNISON] I do!

Willona, these four turkeys

just bought Bookman's old car.

You bought a used car from this man?

Booga, I wanna talk to you. Excuse me, honey. You too, J.J.

Hey, y'all. Let's go downstairs

and check out what's under that hood.

Okay, lowlife, now what--?

A deal's a deal, Ms. Woods.

That's right.

Me and Bookman shook on that thing.

And I'm gonna sign the check out right now.

So look out. Let me see.

Check number 274.

Paid to the order of Nathan "Buffalo Butt" Bookman.

Two hundred big greenies.

There you go. All right, then.

Oh, no, you don't!

It's a fair price.

Fair?

You call that fair?

For that gas guzzling, pink-and-gray dinosaur?

Get out of my face!

J.J.,

honey, I know you want a car,

but think about the responsibility:

gas, upkeep, repairs...

Willona, we're gonna split the expenses four ways.

Four guys own a car?

You're lookin' for trouble.

Willona, we're the Awesome Foursome.

Can't nothin' split us up.

You're being taken advantage of, J.J.

A junk dealer wouldn't give Bookman

no more than 25 clams!

25 clams? Mm-hm.

Hey, Bookman.

What do you say if I give you a hundred potatoes for that car?

You done already gave me two hundred smackeroonies.

I mean, a deal is a deal.

Uh, keys, please.

Well, you're stuck with that car.

But there ain't no way I'm gonna let you

drive that ancient chariot around town without insurance.

Now, either you prove to me that you are a responsible driver,

or I will have to confiscate the car

in the name of my best friend, your mama.

Wait a minute, Ms. Woods. Don't worry.

It just so happens,

my brother-in-law happens to be an insurance salesman.

I'd be glad to take the fellas over, personally.

I'm sure you would.

J.J.,

man, you know, you should've checked that car out.

It's a pure lemon.

Well, it's your lemon now. A deal's a deal.

Yeah, J.J. gave him big greenies,

but Willona said a junk dealer

wouldn't give him clams.

So J.J. offered him potatoes.

But it was too late.

Bookman already had the smackeroonies.

Well, fellas, we've got ourselves a car!

All right.

* United we stand Divided we fall *

* We're tighter than pantyhose Two sizes small *

J.J.! Cool Breeze!

Poppo! Head!

* We're the Awesome Foursome Until we are dead *

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Well, gentlemen,

let's get down to business.

First we'll need some information.

Which one of you will be driving the car?

[IN UNISON] I will!

Oh, I didn't realize.

Are any of you under 25?

I am!

All under 25.

That's too bad.

That means your insurance policy will be high.

What kind of car will you be driving?

A classic, my man. A classic.

A 1954 pink-and-gray DeSoto.

You bought a used car from this man?

[CACKLES]

On your insurance cost,

property damage, personal liability,

I can give you a ballpark figure of about

one thousand dollars.

One thousand dollars?!

Look here, my man.

You got a ballpark a little smaller than that?

Look, Harry, I promised the boys you'd do all right by 'em.

That's what you promised my sister 20 years ago

when you married her. And she's still waiting.

I'd like to help you fellas,

but one of the reasons you'd be paying so much

is because you live in the ghetto.

Mr. Taylor, you mean rich people pay less?

That's not fair.

Sorry, I don't make the rules.

See, he don't make the rules.

I don't need your help!

Look here. A thousand dollars.

That's five times more than we paid for the car.

Oh, no problem.

You can pay it off in 12 monthly installments of...

83 dollars and 34 cents.

Now, you can afford that split four ways, huh?

Yeah, I guess.

We can handle that, right?

POPPO: That's cool. HEAD: We got that.

Well then,

you are now insured by Lucky Motoring:

the insurance company for those

who are not quite good enough to be in good hands.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll go draw this up.

Nathan, stay the hell out of my chair!

J, lay those keys on me, man.

What for?

I'm gonna show off my wheels.

You can show off the wheels, but I get the car tonight.

I got a heavy date, dig? J, the keys, please.

Hey, Head, where does it say youget the car?

I get the car 'cause I put up the first 50.

If you don't like it-- Hey, man--

Hold on, man. Hold on here! Take it easy! Take it easy!

I knew something like this was gonna to come up, so...

that's how come I made up a little schedule, see?

So I am the man, here,

with the plan. Heh-heh!

Now, here--

Now, there's four of us, right?

Seven days in a week.

Which figures out exactly

to a day and three-quarters each.

Which is 42 hours.

Well, who gets the car first?

I do. You do?

Yeah! It's right here on the schedule, see?

He's right. Yeah, yeah!

No wonder you get it. You made it up.

I want the car first.

I got five women waiting for me.

I got six!

[QUARRELING]

Hey, hey, man! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

My brother here don't like all this noise in his office.

You see how testy he can get.

Yeah. How come you two don't get along?

Well, way back when we were struggling,

Harry and I bought a car together.

And all this car did was get us into fights, man.

I mean, the car was one big jinx.

Who ended up with the car?

You did. You just bought it.

Say what?

Mwah!

It'll cost you three to stay, J.J.

Well, Thelma's cookies are good for something.

They make great poker chips.

They're unbreakable.

Well, Poppo, my man, it's up to you.

In or out?

Poppo!

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I can't seem to concentrate.

I'm worried about Breeze.

You mean you're worried about that car. That's what you mean.

You calling me a liar? Man, you take that back,

Head, or step outside right now, chump.

I'm calling you a liar

and your little sister a liar, chump!

Take it easy! Hold on here!

Hold on! Sit down, here! Sit down, here!

Alleviate yourselves.

Oh, man. Just 'cause Breeze is three hours late,

and he's cutting into my 42 hours,

that ain't no reason to get excited.

Where is he!?

Hey, you guys,

I thought we were playing cards.

I'm in. I'm in.

I'm bettin' all my cookies. All right.

Heh-heh-heh!

Well, little lady,

I think you made a mistake this time.

Two pairs.

Kings and queens.

Beats me. I'm out.

I got two pairs too, J.J.

Fours-- Fours? Ha!

And fours.

Hm. Four times four is 16.

Well, thanks for the game, guys. I really appreciate it.

It's really fun.

Yeah, mm-hm, yeah.

You know, I really like you guys,

'cause you're so easy to beat.

Ah, let's get you out of here.

POPPO: It was fun. HEAD: Yeah, anytime, Penny.

Now we're gonna change your name

to Penny the Greek.

[MIMICS MAE WEST] Well, so long, suckers.

Come on, now, don't worry about the Breeze.

He probably just had a flat or something.

Oh, man, I hope not.

The spare's got a hole in it too.

That don't make no difference.

There ain't no jack.

Hey, bloods, sorry I'm late.

Had to fill the tank with gas.

You guys owe me two bucks apiece.

Uh-uh. Why should we pay for your gas?

One for all, and all for one.

Okay. If that's the way you want it,

then cough up your share for this here parking ticket.

Get that out of my face!

Hey, man, take it easy! Relax, you guys!

* United we stand Divided we fall *

Ah, shut up!

I'd ask you for your share of the quarter

I just put in the parking meter, only I'm not cheap.

Cheap?

Who you calling cheap, chump?

How'd you like to become a customer

down at Ferguson's? Come on!

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Take it easy! Take it easy, man.

* We're tighter than pantyhose Two sizes small *

Who needs you?

Hey, Breeze!

Come on back here!

Man, let him go. Let him go. Who needs him?

It's your fault, J.J.

My fault?

Sure. Big time art director,

you just had to buy that car.

Now the Foursome is no moresome!

Look here, man. You messed up the schedule by needing the car

to go to your grandmother's funeral.

Two days in a row!

Yeah, yeah.

How come we went for that?

It's your fault! You better be cool!

You're the one who lost the hubcaps!

So I don't want to hear nothing. Hubcaps! Hubcaps!

I've had it up to here with this chicken outfit.

Get on, gizzard!

Ah, boy. I never thought I'd see the day

when the Awesome Foursome

gets down to the Gruesome Twosome.

And it's your fault, J.J.!

Hasta la vista!

Pssh.

Now the Awesome Foursome is down to the Lonesome Mesome.

THELMA: Hey, Michael,

you think J.J. is gonna let me borrow the car tonight?

Yeah, as soon as the bionic dog marries Morris the cat.

I didn't think he'd lend it to me, either.

Hi, J.J.! Ha, ha!

Uh, how was work today?

Did the boys call?

Uh,

not since I was here.

Nah, sorry J.J.

Uh, J.J., are you gonna use the car tonight?

No, Thelma. [GIGGLES]

Well, uh, you think I could borrow it?

Sure, Thelma. Here are the keys.

All right!

I guess the bionic dog is in trouble.

Wait up, Thelma! I'm going!

Drop me off at the gym.

Yeah, okay. Hurry, before he changes his mind.

Hey, Willona, J.J. let me borrow the car!

Whoo!

You're letting Thelma borrow the car?

Honey, I know you don't feel good.

Willona, I never had so many troubles in all my life.

I don't know about that car, Willona.

I don't know whether to take it to an auto-mechanic or a priest.

J.J., it can't be all that bad.

I guess you're right, Willona.

What can you say about a car

that gets a half a mile to the gallon?

I did drive it down to the supermarket and back, though,

and it only stalled four times.

Well, look. That's not too bad. I mean,

considering the supermarket is a good two blocks away.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, and then there was that little accident

I had yesterday.

Report it to the insurance company?

Yeah, but that was a mistake.

They canceled the policy.

Oh, that's terrible.

J.J., Thelma's driving the car with no insurance?

It's all right, Willona.

The battery's dead.

Oh!

Boy, you know, Willona,

I used to have friends and no car.

Now I got a car and no friends.

You mean the guys still aren't talkin'?

Willona, I never knew a '54 DeSoto

could bust up a friendship.

No wonder they stopped making 'em.

Honey, it could have been a brand new Rolls Royce.

It wouldn't have made no difference.

Friendships last forever.

Cars don't.

[FRANTIC KNOCKING AT DOOR]

I'll get it for you.

Hold on, hold on!

Hey, Willona!

We came as soon as we heard.

J.J.! Partner! Buddy!

Speak to me!

What's goin' on?

Man, don't move.

Somebody call a doctor!

Hey.

You don't look half bad

for a guy who's been in a head-on collision.

A head-on collision? Yeah.

Who told you that?

Well,

glad you're feeling better, J.J. Later!

Freeze!

Freeze, young lady.

Did you tell the guys that J.J.

had a head-on collision?

Well...

sort of.

Penny, why did you do that?

I mean, it was only a little fender-bender.

You didn't have to make up a lie like that.

I know. But it was the only way I could think of

to get Poppo, Head, and Cool Breeze to come over.

You're all best friends,

and best friends shouldn't fight.

She's absolutely right about that.

But, honey, listen.

You shouldn't have told a fib like that.

I know.

But they wouldn't have believed that J.J. was eaten by a shark.

J.J., why you didn't tell me the car wouldn't start?

You never asked.

Thelma.

Thelma, come on to my house. Leave the guys alone.

That's kind of dirty, don't you think?

Thelma, Thelma, Thelma.

Now look here, mama.

I'm giving you one last chance for romance.

Love me or leave me, baby.

Bye!

I just love a challenge.

Yeah, J.J., it's a shame you weren't

in a head-on collision, or we'd be together by now.

Come on. Let's leave.

Wait a minute, y'all!

Hold on, man!

I mean, since y'all got over here so quick,

it's obvious that y'all care.

Now, I got a confession to make.

Without you guys for the last few days,

it's been nowhere.

Yeah, I hear you.

Same here, man. Me too.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

What about that car?

Man, forget that car.

That lemon.

Hey, man, your car's blocking the garbage cans.

You better move it. The truck will be here soon.

Good. Let them haul it away with the rest of the trash.

Oh! What's the matter?

You don't like the car anymore?

Nah, Bookman. It's not that we don't like the car.

We love the car.

It's just that we're having a little financial trouble.

Uh, you wouldn't consider buying the car back, would you?

That piece of junk?

Well...

seeing as though you're in a bind,

I'll buy it back from you for...

a hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars?

You charged us twice that much!

Yeah, Bookman, you said the car was a classic.

Of course, if you don't want the money--

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Keys, please.

[CLEARS THROAT]

That's the easiest hundred dollars I ever made.

I should be on Wall Street.

Bookman, you're wide enough to beWall Street.

It's a pleasure doing business with you fellas.

[CRASH FROM OUTSIDE]

[HEAD LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

[CHEERING]

Let me see, man! Let me see!

Whoo! Lord, look at that mess!

Ha! Boy, that truck sure wrecked your car!

Ha, ha, ha!

Bookman, it's not our car.

It is yourcar.

Hey, man, give me my money back!

Right now! Give me my money back!

No way, Bookman.

BOYS [IN UNISON]: A deal is a deal.

[JEERING]

* United we stand Divided we fall *

* We're tighter than pantyhose Two sizes small *

J.J.! Cool Breeze!

Poppo! Head!

* We're the Awesome Foursome Until we are dead! *

[***]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Ripoffs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *