Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Rip-offs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

[THE EMOTIONS' "BEST OF MY LOVE" PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Um...J.J., can't you say hello when you come in?

Thelma, if I said hello when I came in,

I wouldn't have enough strength to come in.

[SARCASTIC] Aw. Another tough day at the office, huh?

Hey, look here, gal.

I works hard at that advertising agency.

It's a jungle out there. Dog eat dog.

Well, you in big trouble,

'cause you look like a Milk-Bone.

You got some nerve.

You could be a model for Alpo.

Oh, come on. With that old face.

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, you gonna clean up, you know what I mean?

Got some nerve with--

Wait a-- Wait a minute.

Now, wasn't that Willona who just ran through here?

Either Willona or Jack LaLanne.

Mmm.

I guess all that hassle she's going through to adopt Penny

must be really getting to her.

I sure hope she gets her.

Hey, J.J., doesn't dinner smell good? Try it. Heh.

Yeah, Thelma, this'll really stick to your ribs

if you can, uh, get it unstuck from the pot.

First person who asks me how school was today

is gonna get a knuckle special.

Okay, won't ask. It was a bummer.

I tried out for captain of the JV basketball team.

I didn't even make co-captain.

And there are three co-captains.

[WHIMPERS]

Hey, Willona. What are you doing?

Jogging. You oughta try it. It's good for you.

THELMA: Why don't you do that in the park?

Are you jiving? The park?

[LAUGHS]

I'd either get mugged, hugged or slugged.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Willona. Huh?

You don't have to be knocking yourself out

to get in shape. Oh.

I mean, you're in great shape for a...

[CLEARS THROAT]

...-year-old woman.

Well, if I'm gonna be Penny's mother,

I'm gonna have to be in better shape.

Willona, you're just gonna raise the kid.

You're not gonna fight her.

J.J., I'm doing this fool running around

because if I ever stood still, I'd worry myself crazy

wondering if I'd ever get Penny or not.

Have you heard anything about her yet?

No. All I heard is:

"Be cool, take it easy,

it's too soon, Willona."

Huh. Honey, I've been examined by psychologists, sociologists

and a mess of other fancy "ologists."

And after all that I still gotta have a final interview.

Well, at least Penny's being taken very good care of

in that foster home.

[THELMA LAUGHS] What if I don't get her?

What if I flunk my final interview?

Willona, you won't flunk.

Especially if you go by my motto of life, which is:

Always think positive thoughts and you're bound to deliver,

and if that don't work, there's always the river.

You know, J.J., you're a really big help.

Thank you.

I'm gonna jog to the store,

get me some ice cream and cake.

Ice cream and cake, Willona? Mm-hm.

I owe it to myself after all this exercise.

See you all later. ALL: See you later.

I sure hope she gets Penny.

It'll be fun hearing the patter of little feet around here. Ha.

Heh-heh. Yeah. [KNOCK AT DOOR]

Especially if the little feet aren't attached to cockroaches.

Hey, Bookman, what do you want?

Shh! She'll hear us. Who'll hear us?

Miss Woods. I just found out that she's a spy. Aw.

Willona a spy?

Look here, Bookman, you sure you haven't been

cutting off old mop heads and smoking 'em?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, how come the CIA's asking questions about her lifestyle?

Whether or not she throws wild parties and stuff like that?

They're doing that because she's trying to become a mother.

You mean the CIA's into motherhood too?

Well, they're into everything else.

You see, Willona's trying to adopt Penny.

The cute little kid who used to live here?

Hey, that's terrific.

It's probably the social workers

asking all those questions.

Oh. Listen, you know, I'd like to help Miss Woods.

I mean, we don't get along on everything,

but, hey, if she wants that kid, I'm all for it.

That's nice of you, Bookman.

But you see, it's extra hard for Willona to adopt

because she's a single person.

You mean it would be easier if she was a married couple?

Much easier.

Well, she can count on me.

I'm behind Miss Woods 100 percent.

In your case, Bookman, it's more like 400 percent.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hey! Hey!

Ha-ha! Whoa!

H-hey.

[LAUGHS]

Chello?

Hello there, Ma. Well--

It's Ma? Yeah-- Outta there.

Ma, your honeymoon's lasted longer than most marriages.

[LAUGHS]

Just a little joke there.

Ma said, "Very little."

[MICHAEL LAUGHS]

Yeah, when y'all comin' home?

Mm-hm.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

J.J.: Mm-hm.

Hm-hm.

Mm-hm. What?

Same to you, you old mackerel mouth.

J.J., how could you talk to Ma like that?

That wasn't Ma. That was the motel operator.

She cut us off.

J.J., what was all that uh-huh-ing about?

Yeah. Well, Miguel, it's very heavy.

I think y'all better sit down here.

You know, being the oldest member of the family

and now the man of the house and the eldest junior...

...and the temporary commander in chief--

Are you gonna tell us or not?

I was just getting to that.

Uh, Ma and Carl are fine,

but they think they gonna stay in Tucson a little while longer

on account of the climate's good for Carl's health.

How much longer?

Could be a year.

[GROANS] A year?

What about us?

Well, Ma wants us to come out there.

[KNOCK AT DOOR] Oh, good. That'll be great.

Uh, J.J., what did you tell her?

Nothing.

That's when the operator cut us off.

Hello, is this the Evans apartment?

Yes, it am.

Oh. I-I'm Mrs. Dobbs

from the Department of Children and Family Services.

Oh, well, Willona's a beautiful person. Come on in.

She'd be the best mother that girl could have.

She's exactly what Penny needs.

Well, my goodness. Heh-heh.

I haven't even asked any questions yet,

and you have all the answers. [THELMA LAUGHS]

Well, she'll be a very good mother

'cause she's very responsible. Very.

Yeah, she practically brought me up and, uh,

look at me.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Well, I think I'd better go interview Miss Woods now.

Oh, she's not home right now, but she'll be right back.

You can wait here if you like.

Oh, I'm certainly tempted to. Heh.

My feet are killing me. Corns, you know.

I wore orthopedic shoes for years.

Then I found out they were a size and a half too small.

Mm-hm.

Uh, why don't you wait in Willona's apartment over here.

That way you'll be sure not to miss her.

[CLEARS THROAT] Well, thank you very much.

You know, I could come back tomorrow

but I'm planning to soak my feet in bicarb.

Hey, J.J., about Arizona,

are we really goin'?

Well, if Ma wants the family there,

I guess you and Thelma are gonna have to go.

Yo! Hold on, me and Thelma?

What about you, J.J.?

Yeah, aren't you part of the family?

Sure. But I reached the age of maturity.

Could've fooled me.

Hey, look here, gal,

I got a good job now

and I'm not leaving it.

Yeah, but you said you were tired of working so hard.

Well, Thelma, hard work is not only the key to success,

it is also the key to the executive powder room.

I agree with you, J.J.

You know, bro, I'm really gonna miss you.

Yeah, J., it's gonna be

so miserable without you.

It'll be just like you were there.

[MICHAEL LAUGHS]

Oh, dear.

Oh.

[BLOWS]

Oh, say, i-if you've come to see Miss Woods,

she's not home yet.

I'm waiting to see her myself.

You wouldn't by any chance be the, um,

adoption social worker?

Oh, why, yes, I am. I-I'm Mrs. Dobbs.

Oh, it's a pleasure to meet a social worker

who does such good social work. [CHUCKLES]

Well, thank you very much. I enjoy the work.

[LAUGHS]

Now may I have my hand back?

[MOUTHS] Oh.

But you know, it's awfully hard on the feet.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

The work is, that is. Corns, you know.

Well, why don't you come inside where it's more comfy? Allow me.

Thank you.

Say, do you have a key to that apartment?

I mean, who has a better right? Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, you're a friend of Miss Woods?

Friend is hardly the word. [LAUGHS]

I'm Miss Woods' husband. Oh.

Oh, my. Oh, well. I-- I-- Well, I don't understand.

How could you be her husband?

I was under the impression that she was a single person.

This is very confusing, Mr. Woods.

No, no, no, no. I'm not Mr. Woods, I'm Mr. Bookman.

You're Bookman and she's Woods, and you're married?

That's even more confusing.

You see, I'm married to a very liberated woman.

She uses her maiden name, Miss Woods.

Oh. Well, I approve of that. I'm liberated myself. Ha-ha.

But I'm not quite that brave.

Besides, my maiden name is Suggs.

We've been married 12 glorious years.

Oh, that's so refreshing to hear.

Do you know that one out of every two marriages today

ends up in divorce?

Oh, that could never happen with us.

I wouldn't dream of breaking up with my little Kissy Face.

[LAUGHS]

That's my pet name for her. Kissy Face.

Oh, I like that.

Hey, Bookman, what are you doing in my house?

Breathlessly awaiting you, my little Kissy Face.

[GRUNTS]

Get outta here. Go along with me. Go along.

Get outta-- You're crazy. Out, out, out!

Little game we play every day. Ha-ha.

Oh, I envy you.

And who are you?

Oh, I'm Mrs. Dobbs

from the Department of Children and Family Services.

Oh. Oh, my. Excuse my appearance.

I was out jogging. You look ravishing,

my little Kissy Face.

Let me hold this for you.

What in the world is goin' on?

Shh. Heh-heh.

What's with this Kissy Face? [LAUGHS]

Oh, that's all right. Heh.

You just pretend I'm not here. Heh-heh.

Do you have a pet name for Mr. Bookman?

Uh-huh. Buffalo Butt.

[MOUTHS] Oh.

Buffalo Butt?

That's very endearing. Heh.

Strange, but endearing. Ha-ha.

Now, Ms. Woods, the department wants to know

where your head is at.

You see, in order to be an adoptive parent,

one must be self-confident, dedicated, flexible,

understanding and patient.

Ah, that lady's all that. Believe me, she is.

This lady's a saint. Saint Kissy Face.

[LAUGHING]

Buffalo Butt? [FAKE LAUGHS]

Can I talk to you a minute, please?

Excuse us. Yes.

Would you check the bathroom, I think there's a leaky faucet.

[GRUNTING]

Your every wish is my command.

But I'll miss you every second I'm away.

Au revoir.

Well, I don't know what got into that man.

Well, uh, continuing with the requirements

for parenting-- WILLONA: Mm-hm.

Uh, one must be able to give freely of oneself.

Oh, I'm very generous.

Would you like some cake?

Or some cake and ice cream?

Ice cream and cake, you know?

Well, um-- Heh-heh. Well, no, thank you.

Heh-heh. I'm trying to watch my figure.

Since no one else seems to be.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, moving along, one should have

a very healthy attitude toward the opposite sex.

Oh, one does.

[LAUGHS]

One does. Heh-heh. [LAUGHS]

Yes, I know. Mr.-- Mr. Bookman confided in me.

He did?

[SCOFFS]

What does he know about it?

Well, I should think he knows a great deal about it.

Ha-ha-ha. Not about my personal life he don't.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, you have a wonderful sense of humor. Heh.

And that's very important.

Oh. Heh-heh. Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

Now, then, uh,

what else can you tell me about Buffalo Butt?

Well, there really isn't much to tell, you know?

Whenever I need him he's never around.

And when he is around he does a lousy job.

Ha-ha-ha. There's that sense of humor again.

[CHUCKLES]

Hi, Willona.

Oh, Miss Dobbs, you're still here?

Well, yes, I had a few more questions

but I think this house is full of love

and would be an ideal environment for a child.

Oh, thank you. Good.

And may I add that you have

a wonderful, affectionate husband.

Willona's not married.

Not married?

You're not married?

Oh, well, then, that explains everything.

How dare you deceive the department.

I didn't deceive anyone.

Oh, Miss Woods, you had a good thing going for you

as a single person. Look, I--

I don't know why you found it necessary

t-to bring up a phony husband.

But wait, I didn't. I di--

This will weigh very heavily against you.

Miss Dobbs, please wait. Goodbye, Miss Woods.

Willona, what is she talking about? What phony husband?

I got a pretty good idea.

All fixed, Kissy Face.

Anything else I can do for you?

Yeah, hold still. Hm. Hm-hm.

[LAUGHING]

Come on, Willona, cheer up, now.

I'm sure Bookman didn't mean any harm.

See, he heard us saying that it was hard

for a single person to adopt, so he thought he was helping.

Maybe he tried to help, Thelma, but he ruined everything.

I'll never get Penny now. Oh.

Things are gonna work out.

Where were you two for so long?

Oh, we at the bus depot getting your tickets to Arizon-uh.

Well, you didn't have to go to "Arizon-uh" to get 'em.

Thelma, J.J. got two bus tickets.

One for me and one for you.

[SIGHS] Hey, Michael,

you know I've been, uh, doing a lot of thinking.

Yeah? What I've been thinking is...

Well, I think I don't wanna go to Arizona.

What?

Well, um, you see, J.J. needs somebody

to clean the house and cook.

[LAUGHS] What?

Well, the truth is, Michael,

I don't wanna transfer colleges now.

'Cause, see, I don't wanna lose my scholarship.

That means I have to go to Arizona by myself?

Oh, you could handle the bus ride.

And you know Ma'll be glad to see you.

Yeah, I know.

Thelma, are you sure?

Michael, this is hard for me too, you know.

And I'm gonna miss Ma, but I'm sure.

Willona. WILLONA: Huh?

What do you think about this?

Well, Gramps, you know I'm gonna to miss you,

but you can make it on your own.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Oh, Willona? Hm?

Just in case you don't get Penny

and someone else does,

I'm sure they'll find a good home for her.

Yeah, but it won't be mine.

Yeah, and this is all Bookman's fault.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Boy, just wait till I get my hands on that Bookman.

[HUFFS]

Hey--

[KNOCK] Just wait.

J.J., let him in.

I wanna give him a piece of my mind too.

Yeah, if he'll accept petty thoughts.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Before you say anything, I came to apologize.

Ah, no, Bookman. No apologies, no excuses.

This is the final straw. You've done done it now.

Throw 'em up.

Come on, I don't wanna hurt you, J.J.

Aha! Karate.

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, boy. Look, I was only trying to help.

We know that, Bookman. But you did it the wrong way.

That's right, this time you have to pay the heavy price.

[EXCLAIMS]

Can't handle it, huh? Ha-ha!

Miss Woods, look, I came up to your apartment

to ask you to make-believe I was your husband.

Uh, you weren't there, and then I ran into Miss Dobbs,

and I-I sort of took off on my own.

Look, I'm sorry.

I accept your apology. Now get out.

All right. I'll go. J.J.: Huh.

Crawlin' out with your tail between your legs, huh?

You might like to know the reason why I was trying to help.

It doesn't matter. I'm gonna tell you anyway.

You see, because my parents were the nicest folks in the world.

Oh, come on, Bookman, not now.

I mean they put me through school,

when I was sick, they nursed me.

And they brought me up to be what I am today.

I thought you said they were nice people.

Nathan Bookman,

a guy with a good heart who did a dumb thing.

Hey, I told you it was all right, didn't I?

Why don't you go on home, man?

But I only did a dumb thing because I was remembering

my folks. [SIGHS]

They didn't have me in the beginning. They adopted me.

Oh, yeah, I was like Penny.

I had a mother and father, but I never had parents.

Not until I moved in with the Bookmans.

You know, I know I messed up all your plans,

but, Miss Woods, I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry I hit you in the face with the cake.

Oh, that's all right. Butterscotch is my favorite.

Oh, by the way, listen, I went to see Miss Dobbs.

I ex-- I explained everything to her and she said

they would take everything into consideration.

Take everything into consideration?

[SCOFFS]

That's just a highfalutin way of saying:

"You've blown it, sister."

She said to let you know that a decision would be made soon

and she'll call you one way or the other.

Probably be the other.

Well, you tried.

Hey.

Thanks, Booga.

Yeah, sweet mama.

You know you are the only one for me.

No, I could even never think of anybody else.

No. You are everything to me.

Who is this?

Oh, Judy Ann, of course, my little black-eyed pea.

You know, what do you say you and me--

J.J., I've told you, you can't tie up the phone, honey.

Miss Dobbs might be calling me over here.

Willona, we've got to put a cease and desist

to this phone business.

You're putting a cramp in my love life.

J.J., I'm sorry. But you don't know

what it feels like to want something so bad

and be kept waiting and not knowing

whether you're gonna get it.

Sounds like my love life, all right.

Is Gramps ready to go? Almost.

I'd take him down to the depot,

but I gotta stay with this phone.

We know, Willona. We know. Oh, I'm sorry.

Michael, don't forget these now.

These are some cookies I baked for the road.

Thelma, those cookies are hard enough to be the road.

Well? Gramps, you gonna say goodbye or what?

WILLONA: Take care of yourself, hear?

[WILLONA GRUNTS]

You let me know about Penny. You know I will.

Well, Thelma, let's get on outta here.

The bags.

Uh, J.J.

Eh, all right, all right.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

These are so-- Aw. Oh.

[GROANING]

I don't wanna go.

What? I mean, everything's arranged.

I don't care. I think I wanna stay here with everybody else.

You know, Ma and Carl have each other now,

and at the beginning of a new marriage they should be alone.

[GROANING] Miguel, are you ready?

No, J.J., I've decided to stay here

and finish out the school year. [GROANS]

But, Michael, I thought you were unhappy

about the basketball team.

Well, Thelma, you know, I think if I hang in there,

I might make captain next year.

I wish you had told me about this

before you had me wrestle with all these heavy bags.

Oh, what heavy bags?

It wasn't them bags that were heavy,

it was these rock cookies here.

Willona? Go ahead.

Do you think I made the right decision?

Well, I think you're using your mind, baby.

But instead of asking me what I think,

somebody better call your mama and ask her what she thinks.

You mean we're gonna get a chance to use

our own phone for a change?

Mm-hm. Doesn't make any difference now,

because it's after office hours.

They won't call me...

Who am I kidding?

It's been a week, now, right?

Now, if I was gonna get Penny,

I would've heard something by now.

Well, no news is bad news.

[FAKE LAUGHS]

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Maybe the people down at the department

figure a single person has to have a double dose

of everything good,

and Willona Woods just did not measure up.

Maybe I wanted too much, you know?

Wanting to be a mother, wanting someone to love.

I knew it was a long shot from the beginning.

Willona.

Penny.

I'm here to stay.

[WILLONA SOBBING]

J.J., are you crying?

[SNIFFLES]

I'm not crying, Michael.

It just occurred to me though, now that you're not leaving,

I'm gonna have to eat Thelma's cookies.

[SOBS]

I, uh, had almost given up hope.

Well, you know in the past, Miss Woods,

it was very difficult for single parents to adopt,

but laws have changed and times have changed.

And there are so many older children

waiting for a good home. Heh.

And anyway, we got such glowing reports about you,

especially from Mr. Bookman,

that, well, we decided that one could give

just as much love as two.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you.

Penny...

I know we have so much to learn about each other.

But I promise you,

I'll love you more than any mother's

ever loved a little girl.

Oh, Mama.

Oh, baby.

[***]

* Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm *

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Rip-offs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *