Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time You meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time You need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Rip-offs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' And survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' In a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good times *

You know, Willona,

meat costs as much as jewelry these days.

I was gonna have the butcher engrave my pork chops.

[LAUGHS]

Um, Willona, I saw your body get off the bus,

but is your mind still on it?

Why would you say that?

Well, because you just put the toilet paper in the freezer.

Oh.

Well, I didn't want it to go bad.

You know, what's really bothering me is Penny.

It's been two days now, and no one knows

what's going on with the mother or child.

They just disappeared.

Even if we knew, we couldn't do anything about it.

I know, but when they was here,

if she got in trouble, she could come to one of us.

But who's she got to go to now?

Very, well, I'll talk to you later, honey.

Okay, Willona. Thank you for helping me.

WILLONA: Mm-hm.

Hey, Willona, wait a minute. You forgot your cleaning.

Willona?

Hey, Willona, it's me.

Anybody home?

WILLONA: Oh, hello, Mrs. Carpenter.

So nice to see you. Any news about Penny

or her mother?

No, nothing, I'm afraid.

I-- I was on a case in the neighborhood

and just thought I'd stop by.

Oh, well-- Come on in.

Thank you, I will. THELMA: Want some tea?

Oh, no, nothing. But I want you both to know that we are using

every means at our disposal to track down Mrs. Gordon.

Oh, I know the first place to look.

In every store that sells boxing gloves.

I understand how concerned you both are,

but you must remember,

the child's mother's in need of help too.

Yeah, right.

[INAUDIBLE]

Trust me, little bro. I got a foolproof scheme

to get rid of these leftover carnival goldfish

and make a profit at the same time.

Hey, look here, Michael.

How was I to know that none of those fools

down at the A&P

were willing to take a chance of a lifetime?

J.J., I was the only fool down there.

You know why? That's because I listened

to another one of your dumb schemes.

Michael, one day one of my dumb schemes

gonna make us all rich.

Then I'll be known as J. Paul Ghetto.

Michael and J. Paul Ghetto, we do have company.

Oh, hey there, Mrs. Carpenter.

Look here, you find Penny yet?

No, I'm sorry.

Hey, this is just a wild hunch,

but did you two business tycoons

have any trouble getting rid of the little goldfishes?

Willona, we couldn't even give them away.

That's 'cause Michael here won't listen to the entrepreneur.

Oh, yeah? Well, get a load of what J.J. wanted me to say:

[CLEARS THROAT] "You say you don't like pets?

"We don't care.

"You say you don't have a bowl? We don't care.

"You say fish give you hives? We don't care.

"You say you don't have a quarter to pay for these fish?

[DEEP VOICE] We care."

[LAUGHS]

Well, I-- I hope we can find somebody

to give these little fish a home.

Oh, well, why don't you set them free?

Hey, Mrs. Carpenter, you know, that's a good idea.

I'm gonna dump these jokers in Lake Michigan.

Oh, dear, I-- I didn't mean for him to kill them.

Yeah, poor Michael's just about to commit fish-icide.

Oh, oh, excuse me.

I-- I am going to be late for my appointment.

Now I'm gonna really have to, um,

hustle my butt.

Ooh, very good, Mrs. Carpenter.

Good. Later.

"Later."

Oh, I'm gonna have to remember that one too.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, it sure is nice to know someone is worried about Penny

beside us, huh? Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna go and do my ironing.

Wait a minute. Since you helped me with the groceries,

why don't you stay and have the last piece of cake I baked

as a reward, huh?

Not eating Thelma's cooking at all is reward enough.

J.J., there are two things in life that I never say no to.

One of them is a piece of cake.

[LAUGHS]

And the other is a piece of cake with ice cream.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, that's weird. It's gone.

WILLONA: What? Yeah.

Now, I know that cake was in here this morning.

J.J., what are you doing?

Looking for dead roaches.

[LAUGHS]

Because if they ate that cake,

they couldn't have got too far.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

All right. Where is she?

Where's who? You know who.

Penny. She's run away.

Thank God.

[LAUGHS]

But she isn't here.

Who are you trying to kid. Where else would she go?

Hold it! Hey, hey, hey.

Where do you think you going?

Look, this is none of your business, so just butt out.

Butt out? Honey, I ain't started butting in yet.

You listen to me. You just get out of my way

because I am going to look in those bedrooms.

You can't come barging in somebody's house

and looking in their bedrooms. I can if they're hiding my kid.

Ain't nobody hiding your kid.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Ladies, ladies, ladies, take it easy, take it easy, now.

Stop cackling like gooses!

Settle it down!

I am not leaving here until I get my child.

Hm! In that case,

I'll help you look for her.

And, uh, we'll see how small you feel

when she's not in here,

for instance.

Penny? Penny?

Or in here,

which happens to be our porcelain facility where,

as you can see, there are nothing but

Thelma's unmentionables hanging in their usual place:

all over.

J.J., give me those, you fool.

Or you can see she's not hiding under here.

All right, all right, don't be funny.

Maybe I was wrong.

It's obvious she's not here.

Hey, wait a minute, now.

Don't quit on me now.

Just when I was starting to get warm.

We haven't checked in the, uh, closet yet.

Look, would you stop him.

J.J., the woman's leaving.

Not until she's seen everything.

[CLEARS THROAT] On second thought,

maybe she has seen everything.

Look...

I'm sorry I barged in the way I did.

We accept your apologies. Here's the door.

No, no, no, just-- Just one minute.

I got something I gotta say. No you don't, Willona.

Look, honey, I don't know what your problem is,

but I've seen enough of Penny to know her problem is you.

I don't have to hang around and listen to this.

That's right, you don't. Um, Mrs. Gordon?

Um, I heard of a group called, uh, Parents Anonymous.

And it's like, a lot of people get together

with the same problems you have,

and they help each other.

Oh, is that so? THELMA: Yeah.

Well, you listen Miss High and Mighty.

You just get off your soapbox, hear,

and stop trying to save me.

What do you know about me, anyway?

Any of you?

We know one thing.

You've been using that child as a punching bag.

"That child."

Is that all you can talk about is "that child"?

What about me? You think it's easy

raising that kid without a father?

Big deal.

I was raised without a father.

My mother didn't go upside my head.

Well, then you were lucky, baby.

Because my family went upside, downside and across mine.

I've had to scuffle all my life!

Honey, you don't own the rights or the patent on scuffling.

I been on my own since I was 16 years old.

Well, that's fine for you,

because when you were 16,

you didn't have to worry about nobody but yourself.

Me, when I was 16, I was pregnant.

And I didn't have a dime.

With a man that ran off and left before Penny was even born.

That happens every day in a week.

You could have done something about it.

Done something? Sister, I did do something.

I carried that baby and I made a living for myself

at the same time.

And I wanted to do those things,

but when the baby was born, what did she do for me, huh?

What did she do for me? Nothing!

I can't even keep a man on account of Penny.

If it wasn't for her all the time needing things,

wanting things...

[SOBBING]

...maybe I'd have some happiness.

Now she's gone off and--

And caused me more trouble.

God, haven't I had enough?

[CRYING] Don't cry, Mama. Please don't.

So you weren't hiding her, huh?

What is this? You lied to me, all of you!

Mama, they didn't know I was here.

I sneaked in and took some cake

because I was hungry.

Then I heard someone coming.

I got scared and hid.

Please, can we go home now?

Home?

Oh, sure, we can go right home.

Mrs. Gordon?

Do yourself a favor.

Get some help. You need it so badly.

Remember I told you about Parents Anonymous?

Parents Anon--?

What are they gonna do for me?

Huh? Are they gonna pay all my bills?

Are they gonna solve our problems?

They might help you find yourself.

I mean, they can help you understand your frustrations

so you can deal with them.

And probably suggest some kind of therapy.

[GASPS]

Therapy?

Oh, so now you think I'm crazy, huh?

Hey, look here, Mrs. Gordon. Everybody needs

a little brain straightening out once in a while.

I mean, even me.

Mrs. Gordon, if you keep on the way you're going,

the cops are gonna stomp all over you, honey.

Now you listen. This here is my kid.

And I'm gonna handle her any way I want to.

Just like my family handled me.

Come on, Penny. Oh, Mrs. Gordon.

You stay out of my face!

Stay out of my face with all the stuff you're laying on me.

I got enough trouble of my own.

Mama-- Keep your cool, Mrs. Gordon.

Shut up, you.

And I've had enough of your preaching.

I've had enough of you strangers messing in my business.

I've had enough of you bothering me all the time.

I want some peace...

Oh... oh, God.

Not again.

I gotta get out of here. Wait for me, Mama.

No, I-- I'll be back. I-- I n-- I need some air.

Mrs. Gordon, now will you get some help?

Would--? Please think about it.

I am thinking about it.

I'm thinking that maybe this time

I'm the one that's gonna run away from home for a change.

There's a life out there somewhere,

and I'm gonna have me a hunk of it.

Don't do this to Penny. Don't leave her like this.

You can't leave your child.

She deserves something better than me.

Mrs. Gordon...

Hey!

Had a long talk with your mom

and everything's gonna be okay.

Hey, what do you say we all play some cards?

Some Whist? Tonk or something?

Hey, you know what we could do?

If there's something good on TV.

Like a good spooky movie.

[CHUCKLES]

How about us playing checkers and look at TV at the same time.

THELMA: That's fun.

Oh, I know what we could do.

We could all take off our shoes

and pick up some marbles with our toes.

[LAUGHS] J.J., got any marbles?

No, he done lost his marbles.

She isn't coming back,

is she?

I don't know for sure, honey.

She isn't.

Better call Mrs. Carpenter.

Mama won't go to jail, will she?

No, no, she's not. I don't want her to go to jail.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Yes, everything's gonna be all right.

See, Dr. J.J.'s gonna spread cheer.

Calm the troubled waters with his astonishing and amazing

psychological insight to the situation.

Boogedy-boogedy- boogedy-boogedy-boo!

Woods, Willona Woods.

I have a very important message for Mrs. Carpenter.

When do you expect her back?

J.J., we have to cheer her up. Do something.

All right.

Penny, you just happen to be in luck.

Because now you can see my world-famous impression

of a fly flying through a fog of Black Flag.

Check this out.

Spraycan.

[IMITATES SPRAYING]

Flying.

* Oh, what a beautiful morning *

* Oh, what a beautiful day *

* I got-- *

[CHOKES AND WHEEZES]

[LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

[CROAKING]

That's funny, J.J.

Die again.

Well, when she gets in tomorrow, please have her call us.

It's very urgent.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

Well, there's nothing more we can do now.

Penny will have to stay over.

Penny, how would you like to stay over with someone

who likes you very, very much.

Would like nothing better

than to have a sweet, dear little girl stay over?

Hm? Oh, boy.

I get to sleep with J.J.

I just love your apartment, Willona.

Oh, thank you, honey.

[PHONE RINGS]

Telephone, Willona.

WILLONA: Will you get it for me, baby?

Hello?

Who's calling, please?

Just a minute.

I'll see if she's home.

Willona? Hm?

It's some dude named Elroy.

He wants to know if you're free tonight.

Oh, that joker?

Try to get rid of him for me, honey.

What will I say? WILLONA: I don't care.

Tell him anything.

Uh, I'm sorry, but Willona isn't home.

Where? Uh...

She went to India.

You see, her uncle died and left her a million dollars.

And a castle.

But, see, she had to go over there and live in it.

I think she's gonna raise camels.

And she gets to have servants and genies,

and a harem and everything.

So she won't be back until tomorrow.

Bye, Mr. Joker.

Honey, what did you tell him?

I told him you couldn't make it. Good girl.

Now, it's time for you to go to bed.

Kick off those slippers and climb under the covers.

Hey, we just wanted to say good night to Penny.

WILLONA: Oh, come on in.

Oh, good. J.J., tell me a bedtime story.

I don't know any bedtime stories.

Oh, yes, you do. Tell her the one about the little bear.

[WHINY] Aw, J.J. tell her the bedtime story, J.J.

No, aw, please. Shut up. No.

All right, all right.

Well, once upon a time,

there was this little girl named Afrolocks.

[CHORTLES]

And she was gliding through the ghetto

when she come upon this brownie housing project.

And that's where the three little bears lived.

Now, the smallest bear's name was Michael.

Now, the ugliest and most bodacious bear's name

was Thelma.

Now, the smoothest and most savoir-faire bear's name

was J.J.

So the door was halfway open,

so the little girl walked in there.

And there's a pot of grits cooking on the stove

that old Thelma the bear cooked.

So she eating the grits.

She had to put some salt and pepper

and some butter on there, you know.

And just greasing down all over her face...

With the grits all out in here and it's all funky,

grits and everything, you know?

All of a sudden the little girl started getting pains

in her stomach.

She can't move.

Little girl getting convulsions and everything.

She realized she had the bubonic plague.

The end.

PENNY: The end?

Whatever happened to

"They lived happily ever after"?

No one eats Thelma's cooking and lives happily ever after.

J.J., you should be shot.

[ALL LAUGH]

All right. Goodbye, Penny, good night.

THELMA: Okay, bye, Penny. Bye, Thelma.

PENNY: Bye, J.J.

Oh, baby.

Well, time for sleepy pie.

Sleepy time.

Can I say my prayers?

Oh, of course, baby. Come on.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

God bless Michael, Thelma,

J.J. and Willona.

Aw, that's nice, sugar.

Good night, Willona. Mm. Good night, my darling.

You gonna be warm enough? Uh-huh.

Okay.

Good night.

And God,

please watch over Mama.

Amen.

Amen.

[LAUGHING] That's silly.

THELMA: Oh, hi, Penny. Come here.

I'd like you to meet Mrs. Carpenter.

She's from the Department of Children and Family Services.

Hi. Hello, Penny.

Now you're gonna be going with me.

We're gonna find you a new home.

Okay.

Well, um,

I think Penny and I had better be on our way.

I'll be in touch, huh?

Hey, wait, wait, wait, Penny.

Now, you take care of yourself, honey, okay?

Be good.

Goodbye, Willona, and thanks.

You're welcome.

Remember, I love you.

Bye, Thelma.

See you later, Penny.

Bye, Michael.

Bye, J.J.

I don't care what other people say.

I think you're nice.

And I will always love you.

Bye, Penny.

Later.

Penny acted like she goes to a foster home

every day of her life. Mm-hm.

Yeah, I guess the kid's been through so much,

nothing shakes her up anymore.

You know, if we had enough room, we'd take her ourselves.

Stick your mom and Carl with four kids? Hm.

Honey, I don't know how Flo has made it all these years

with you three.

I had Penny one night and I barely made it.

Why, Willona? What happened?

Well, uh, for one thing,

a groovy dude named Elroy called me and wanted to go out,

and I couldn't go because Penny was there.

He'll call again.

I hope not.

But that isn't all. I couldn't get any sleep.

You know, Penny twisted and turned the whole night.

She even screamed one time. Cried out.

Girl, give me the single life any time.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Yeah, just imagine you being a mother, Willona.

[LAUGHS]

Surprise! I'm back.

What are you doing here?

Where's Mrs. Carpenter?

I ditched her.

How'd you do that?

Easy.

When we got in the elevator,

I pushed the B button for basement.

Then I scooted out before the doors closed.

Mrs. Carpenter, she's a nice lady,

but I don't wanna go to a new home.

I wanna stay at my old one,

right here with J.J.

Look, Penny, you're a fantastic chick and all,

but, you know, I can't take care of you.

I know.

You're a lover, not a mother.

But, Willona, if you'd have me,

I'd love to live with you.

[LAUGHS] Well, Penny...

Well, you see, Willona's not exactly the...

Well, what I mean is, uh, she's hardly ever...

Um, well you see, she--

She probably just couldn't do that.

[***]

* Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm *

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watchin' the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times * * Hey, yeah *

* Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit Rip-offs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times was videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good times *