Original subtitles

* Good Times *

* Anytime you meet a payment *

* Good Times *

* Anytime you feel free *

* Good Times *

* Anytime you're Out from under *

* Not getting hassled Not getting hustled *

* Keeping your head Above water *

* Making a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good Times *

* Easy credit rip-offs *

* Good Times *

* Scratching and surviving *

* Good Times *

* Hanging in a chow line *

* Good Times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good Times **

Oh.

Let me see.

How about this one?

Ma, this is your first date with Carl.

That don't show enough.

Oh, that one don't show enough.

This one shows too much.

How much am I supposed to show?

Just enough to start them looking,

but not enough to get them cooking.

Ma, I don't know why you're so nervous.

Oh, Thelma,

I don't even remember how to date.

Oh, Ma, we've known Carl

ever since Michael started working for him.

He's a nice guy,

and you're going to have a lot fun.

You're right, honey.

Yeah.

I'm just being silly.

It's just a date, right?

I'm going to call it off.

Oh, hold it, Ma.

Hold it, Ma.

Now, think about what you're doing.

A man like Carl

is not easy to find these days.

That's right, Ma.

Especially at your age.

I mean--

What I mean, Ma,

is that you ain't no spring--

What I'm trying to say is...

See, I don't know exactly how to put it.

Suppose I tell you exactly where to put it.

See, Ma, you got to think about the future.

I mean, us kids ain't going to be around for ever.

Pretty soon,

Michael's going to be going off to college.

I, no doubt, will be forced to marry

one of my admiring groupies,

and Thelma will be

walking down the aisle with her husband

and his seeing-eye dog.

Oh, J.J.

Hey.

And then, Ma, you'll be left here all alone,

staring into the fireplace, sitting in your rocking chair,

rocking back and forth,

back and forth,

back and forth.

* Swing low *

* Sweet chariot *

Will you stop it?

Hey, Flo,

have I got the finishing touch for your date tonight.

Oh, Willona. Take a whiff of that.

Nice Nice.

Smell this here.

It's called "Evening in Barcelona."

Oh.

Smells more like rush hour in Cleveland.

Oh.

Here, Flo.

Willona, I can't take this.

Flo, take it.

Nothing's too good for Carl, honey.

You got yourself a winner:

looks, personality, and he owns his own business.

Girl, you couldn't find a better dude

if you had tried.

Willona, I'm not going out tonight.

That turkey ditched you?

No, the turkey didn't do the ditching.

The chicken did.

Oh, Flo.

Willona, I didn't do anything yet.

You know, dating is easy for you,

but I haven't been out on a date

since before James and I got married.

Oh, I know that, honey, but men haven't changed.

They're still the same.

Just like little old puppies.

Like you to scratch their ear and rub their tummy.

Hey, man, now,

as a prime example of American manhood,

I resents being called a dog.

J.J., go chew on your milk bone, please.

Thelma, I would,

but it fell into your water dish.

Flo, you've got to see this through.

You've come this far, honey.

Well, you know me, Willona.

I couldn't break a date this late, anyway.

Hey!

Good, Ma, good.

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating.

What am I doing?

Look at the time.

I'd better get dressed.

Okay, now, Ma. Now, take it easy.

Don't be nervous, you know,

and take the advice

that you gave me on my first date, okay?

Thelma, I don't even remember what I said.

You said, "Don't be nervous, don't try too hard,

and don't let him touch you below the neck." Oh.

WILLONA: Come wear the blue dress on the bed.

Hi.

Is Ma ready yet?

Almost. Where's Carl?

He'll be here.

Hey, Thelma, what's taking her so long?

Carl's going to be here any second.

Well, that's okay.

She putting on her makeup now.

She's getting ready.

Makeup? I don't understand

why women have to put that junk all over their faces.

Michael, in most women's cases,

it's to bring out their natural beauty,

but in Thelma's case,

it's to cover up the scene of a crime.

And you've got the nerve to talk,

moose face.

Moose face!

Yeah, yeah.

[ARGUING]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Knock it off.

I mean, you two can't spend two minutes together

without having a fight.

Now, J.J, you know Thelma's a beautiful looking girl.

Humph.

And, Thelma, you know J.J.'s a handsome dude.

And if you all both believe that,

you're dumber than I thought.

You got some nerve--

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'll get it.

That must be Carl.

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Michael, kids.

Hi.

Hey there, Carl.

You looking pretty sharp in those threads there, bro.

Tell it to the militant midget.

He's the one that made me get all duded up.

I think you look real nice, Carl.

Thanks, Thelma.

Carl, Ma will be out in a minute.

No hurry, Michael.

They're not going to run out of food

at the Burger Pit.

KIDS: The Burger Pit?

Hey, Carl, my mother's in there

getting dressed up to go some place nice.

Well, what's the matter with the Burger Pit?

Well, when my mother goes to a restaurant,

she likes to feel the atmosphere, not smell it.

You know what the kids at school call the Burger Pit?

"Jack in the Grease."

"Jack in the Grease"?

Mm-hmm.

She's getting all dressed up, huh?

Well, maybe we'll go somewhere else.

Uh, Carl, do you have to smoke?

She hates the smell of cigars.

That's right. Good idea, Thelma.

Carl, man, you missed a spot on your shoe?

Yeah, your tie is crooked. I'll fix it--

Hey, what's going on here?

At ease.

Who am I taking out, your mother or the whole family?

Well, now that you mention it, Carl,

I just happen to be free tonight.

I don't care if you're free tonight,

tomorrow night, or any night.

Give me back my cigar.

Well, a simple no would have been sufficient.

Uh, Carl,

we really don't mean any harm.

It's just that my mother doesn't like--

[MOCKING] Mama doesn't this.

Mommy doesn't that.

Who am I taking out?

Florida Evans, the patron saint of Disneyland?

Close.

Hey, she's a little bit sassy, a little bit cutie.

Here comes your mama.

Ain't she a beauty?

Ta-dah!

Hello, Carl.

Oh, Florida, you look great.

Just great.

Why thank you, Carl.

You're looking mighty handsome yourself.

Well, since we're both gorgeous,

why don't we go eat?

Well, I'm all set.

Sure looking good, child.

Whoo-whee!

Ma, have fun, okay?

I will. I'm going to try.

Good night, everybody.

ALL: Good night. Bye.

Wait a minute there.

Just one thing before you all leave.

Now, I know you all both responsible people,

and, Carl, I know I can trust you,

but I got one rule around here.

Now, see, if you're going to date Ma,

you must have her in before 12:00.

What did you say, J.J.?

12:30.

I'm telling you...

having kids is easy.

It's raising them that's impossible.

I got a feeling J.J. was the toughest

Well, he had a personality of his own,

that's for sure.

Now, with Michael and Thelma, it was easy.

Their first words were, "Da da".

Not so with J.J.

His first words were...

"Hello there, Mama."

You know,

somehow, I can't imagine J.J. as a newborn baby.

Just picture a bread stick with ears.

Waiter, are our steaks ready?

We've been waiting a half an hour.

Should be ready any minute, sir.

Well, I hope so.

Mm, Carl.

I had no idea

we were going to go to such a beautiful restaurant.

Hey, where'd you think I was going to take you?

To the Burger Pit?

Oh.

Carl.

Yeah?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Of course you can.

Nah, I better not.

It's too personal. It's none of my business.

How come you never got married?

Well, I was engaged once before I went into the army,

but when I came back,

she'd run off with my best friend.

Hmm. That's some best friend.

Oh, I didn't even know him,

but when I ran into them a couple years later,

and I took a good look at her,

I realized that guy had to be my best friend.

Ah, these are our steaks.

Oh, these sure look good, don't they?

Best in the house.

CARL: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What's going on here?

We were here before them.

It's okay, Carl.

But those are our steaks.

No, yours are still on the grill.

I want to talk to the maître d'.

I don't see him right now.

Sure, he's probably in the kitchen,

eating our steaks.

Is there anything else I can get you, sir?

Yes, a telephone.

I can get faster service ordering takeout.

Carl.

I can wait. Really.

But we've been waiting all night.

We're in no hurry.

It's a nice, comfortable place,

and it feels good to just sit here and talk.

Besides, yelling won't get the food here any faster.

Yeah, I know, Florida,

but I just hate to be taken advantage of.

Ah, these must be ours.

Mmm, boy.

Did you see that?

I know we were before them!

Carl, there's no need to yell.

I don't believe this.

While we were eating our salads,

those people were still home in the shower.

I'm sure they're going as fast as they can.

Well, well, well.

Here we are.

Well, well, well.

It's about time.

We were just going to

pour steak sauce on the flowers,

and take our chances.

Carl, doesn't this look delicious?

See, you got all upset for nothing.

A beautiful meal like this was worth waiting for.

Oh.

What's the matter?

Oh, oh, nothing. Everything's just perfect.

Oh, something's wrong.

You ordered that steak rare, and it's well done.

Waiter!

Carl, please.

It's all right this way.

Look, Florida, I'm still in the habit of believing

that when I pay for something, I should get what I order.

Waiter!

Carl, you know how it is when they get busy.

Look, is that why it took the steaks took so long?

You could have knitted one faster.

Well, a good restaurant

takes time to cook the food right.

But they didn't cook it right.

They overcooked it.

Well, you know,

it's hard to tell when a steak is done.

You're incredible.

You'd make excuses for anything.

You would apologize for Watergate by saying,

"Well, it gave work to the Cuban unemployed."

Why are you taking it out on me?

Because the waiter's not here,

and I got to take it out on someone!

Carl, don't make a scene, please.

I'd rather just eat the steak.

Is something wrong, sir?

Yes.

This lady refuses to eat her steak like this.

Take it back.

Honest, it's all right.

Just leave it here.

I said, take it back.

And I said, leave it here.

If I were her, I'd keep the steak...

and send him back.

What's the matter with you?

With me?

I'm not the one who's been yelling all night.

No, you're the one

who's letting people walk all over you.

The service here stinks.

Carl, everyone is entitled to a few mistakes.

There you go again.

That is no reason for being loud, stubborn, and rude.

Oh, I didn't know

we were talking about my faults.

Now maybe you'd like to know about yours.

Mine?

You know what the trouble with you is?

You want to really know what the trouble with you is?

You are perfect.

Why, that is the most--

What were you going to say?

You're mad at me.

Why don't you yell at me?

With all these people around, it wouldn't be polite.

Okay, if I'm loud, rude, and wrong,

why don't you just walk out?

I wouldn't do that.

Oh, no, you wouldn't.

You are perfect.

Waiter!

Yes, sir?

Thank you, sir.

It's not for you.

Would you call the lady a cab?

And I hope you have a perfect ride home.

Well, that's it for me.

Uh, J.J., now,

I worked very hard for this dinner

and you barely touched it.

I touched it enough

to know I ain't going to touch it again.

Oh, come on, J.J.

Now, what's wrong with the chicken?

Thelma, that's hard to figure out

without an autopsy.

Michael, would you like seconds?

No thank you, Thelma.

I'm already getting seconds from my firsts.

You see? You see?

I'm not going to even bother

to fix dinner for you anymore.

You don't appreciate nothing you got.

That's right.

Don't fix nothing for us no more, Thelma.

Look here, Thelma.

If the chicken's supposed to be so good,

how come you didn't eat any of it?

Well, you know-- Well, you see,

J.J, um...

I'm on a diet, right?

You know, and I can't have any gravy.

Yeah. The chicken's only swimming in gravy,

and look what happened to him.

Hey, Ma, what you doing home so early?

It's only 9:00.

Why, thank you, Thelma,

but if I wanted to know the time,

I would have consulted a cuckoo.

All right.

J.J., what time is it?

Hey, Ma, what happened?

Where's Carl?

Don't mention that man's name.

Uh-oh. Something must have happened.

Nothing happened.

So that's it, huh?

He didn't light your fire.

That is not it.

Ma, you've only been gone an hour and a half.

The only time I came home that early from a date

was when a guy tried to--

Ooh.

All right, Thelma, that's enough.

So that's it, huh?

He did light your fire. Tried to get fresh.

Ooh.

Thelma, knock it off.

Anybody would think we were roosting owls in here.

Ma, I don't believe it.

Carl wouldn't do a thing like that.

He didn't, Michael,

and that's all any of you need to know about it.

Look at this mess.

Thelma, what is this pot of water doing here?

Oh, Ma, I was going to boil some eggs, because, um...

I kind of burnt the chicken.

Kind of burnt it?

Girl, you cremated it.

The dear, departed bird has requested

that his ashes be spread over Colonel Sanders.

Ma, are you and Carl still friends?

Michael, that discussion is over.

Through.

Finished.

And the next person that mentions that name

is going to get a lick upside his head.

Hey, kids.

Hey, Flo. Where's Carl?

Duck, Willona.

What's happening?

Nothing. Nothing.

Flo, what you doing back so early?

Did something go wrong?

Flo, did you and Carl have a fight?

Tell me all about it.

Willona, I don't want to tell you.

I don't want to tell anybody.

I don't want to talk about it.

You know, you are 100 percent right.

If you don't want to talk about it,

don't talk about it.

None of my cotton picking business, no how.

Ah, you ain't got to tell me

everything that goes on in your life.

I can respect someone else's privacy.

Flo, if you don't tell me, I'm going to die.

All right, Willona.

You're right.

We had a fight, he called me some names,

and then walked out on me.

Oh, little lovers' spat, huh?

Well, you know, that ain't no big thing.

That's all part of the dating game.

I've been called thousands of names in my lifetime.

What did he call you?

He said I was...

perfect.

Now, look, Ma.

Hold on, hold on, hold on a minute.

"Perfect" sounds like a compliment to me.

Well, that's not the way he meant it.

Oh, Flo,

having a fight on your first date,

well, sometimes, that happens, honey.

Willona, it was a nightmare.

The whole evening,

Carl was complaining about the food,

about the service, about the table.

It was just embarrassing.

Well, after a while,

I just told him he was being rude,

and that's when he yelled at me and said that I was perfect.

Now, isn't that something?

Can you imagine--

Would anybody think that I don't do anything wrong?

That I'm perfect?

Now, isn't that ridiculous?

Well, well, well, isn't it?

Ma, we love you, and you're wonderful,

but sometimes, you do act like a little Miss Goody Two-Shoes.

"Miss Goody Two-Shoes"?

I was only trying to do what is right.

Yeah, but, Ma, that's the problem.

Everything you do is right.

I mean, everybody makes mistakes.

You know?

Michael here doesn't want to do his homework.

Thelma burns up the meal.

If you can believe this,

even I make an occasional faux pas.

[PLATTER SHATTERS]

J.J., look what you did.

That was my best platter.

I'm sorry, Ma.

It was an accident.

Well, I'm glad,

because if you had done it on purpose,

you'd tear up everything in this house.

You're as clumsy as an ox.

You've got about as much grace as a 10-ton truck.

Now, clean up this floor.

Flo, I want to ask you something.

That place that Carl took you to--

Was it was really nice?

It was beautiful.

Expensive?

Flo, was the service really that bad?

Worse than that.

It was rotten.

Even worse than the table and the food.

Oh, then I can understand why Carl made a fuss.

Just like you made a fuss with J.J.

That's not the same thing.

You act different in public than you do in private.

But, Ma, you always telling us to be ourselves.

Well, that's right.

Oh, but not in public?

What I want--

Well--

But--

Flo, honey, Flo.

What we're trying to say is

Carl was standing up for his rights

in that restaurant.

Now, he was being himself.

You were hiding your feelings, you know,

and making him maybe look a little foolish.

Oh, I don't do that to people, do I?

Would you like to hear a vote from the floor?

I hate to say it, but sometimes you do, Ma.

But, but, Thelma,

he walked out and left me.

Honey, no one is saying

that Carl was right to do that,

but I'm just suggesting

that maybe you and Carl

both have a little something to apologize for.

You know?

You're right, Willona.

We do.

I'm going to call him.

Right on, honey. Oh, that's nice.

Call the dude, tell him you're sorry.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'll get it.

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Michael.

FLORIDA: Carl.

Florida, I've been walking around,

and I've been thinking about what happened.

Will you let a stubborn jackass

say he's sorry?

Only if you will.

Sometimes, I let my temper get the best of me.

Oh, Carl.

It wasn't all your fault. I really--

[CLEARS THROAT]

FLORIDA: Uh, Willona?

You think the kids

could watch TV over at your place

for a little while?

Oh, sure.

Thelma, here's the key.

You just go on. Look at MASH.

I'd rather stay here and see "MUSH."

Go ahead. Go ahead, J.J.

Don't be so nosy. Out, out, out.

Willona...

Oh.

Oh, sure.

Hey, you know me.

No one has ever accused me of being nosy.

Right, right.

I'll see you all later.

Okay.

Now, where were we?

Well, she was about to apologize because--

Willona, TV.

Okay.

You know, Carl,

what I really wanted to say was--

Florida, I don't want to hear another word about it.

I want to forget the whole thing

and start the whole night all over again.

Does that include dinner?

Because I'm starved.

You bet it does.

From now on,

you're going to see a different Florida Evans.

No more Miss Goody Two-Shoes.

Tonight, I'm going to do something

really, really rotten.

That's the spirit, Florida.

It'll do you a world of good.

Carl?

Mmm?

I meant to tell you earlier,

that is an ugly tie.

You're right. Let's go eat.

Hey, wait a minute.

That was supposed to be rotten.

Florida, you're rotten at being rotten.

Well, I tried.

Come on.

Wait a minute, Carl.

Huh?

Since you're here,

and since you're so good at fixing things,

why don't you take a look at our sink?

Okay. What's wrong with it?

I don't know.

Something seems to be wrong with the drain.

Well, let's have a look.

[SCREAMS]

Florida, what the--

Look at my clothes!

Why, you are--

Rotten?

Well, I know one thing for sure.

You certainly ain't perfect.

Hey, you're wet.

Come here.

* Mmm *

* Just looking Out of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinking how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good Times, yeah, yeah *

* Good Times *

* Keeping your head Above water *

* Making a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit rip-offs *

* Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is videotaped in front of a studio audience.

* Good Times **