Original subtitles

* Good times Any time you meet a payment *

* Good times Any time you need a friend *

* Good times Any time you're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

* Easy credit rip-offs Good times *

* Scratchin' and survivin' Good times *

* Hangin' in a chow line Good times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em? *

* Good times **

Hey, Ma?

I got a problem.

I'm supposed to paint a picture of somebody

by the weekend,

and I can't figure out what to paint.

Well, who did you promise

to paint a picture of, J.J.?

This new fox I'm dating,

Marvelous Myrna, the human burner.

"Human burner?"

Yeah. Kissing Myrna's like putting your lips to a hotplate.

She really cooks.

Forget about the painting, and get her a skillet.

Nah, Ma, I want to get the lucky girl

a true expression of my artistic talents.

Well, then paint her something that'll take her breath away.

I already thought of that, Ma,

but I don't have time to do a self-portrait.

Then do a still-life.

Paint your brain.

I want to know who rang your bell,

frog face.

Who are you calling frog face,

chicken chest?

You got some nerve calling me--

All right. Stop it, children.

Now, look, I'm in no mood for any of your hassling now.

What's the matter, Ma?

Oh, it's Michael. He's late again.

You know, I'm a little worried about him.

He's been late a lot lately

since he's been going to that school.

Aw, Ma, he's probably just walking

some love-starved teenybopper home.

Oh, don't be silly. Michael's mind's on his studies.

Yeah, Ma, but he's getting old enough

to find out about the right things to...study.

Michael's really acting different lately.

I mean, really cranky.

This morning, I cooked the oatmeal,

and he didn't stop complaining about it.

All right, J.J.,

don't you say anything smart about my oatmeal.

Thelma, I wouldn't say

anything smart about your oatmeal.

I mean, everybody knows

your oatmeal sticks to the ribs...

And to the pot and to the pan

and to the ceiling.

All right, J.J., that's enough.

You know, I just don't like the idea

of Michael being out this late.

And the way he has been acting, who knows what he's up to.

Oh, Ma...

Michael's got a lot of extra school work

now that he's in that special-ed class.

[KNOCKING]

Maybe he stopped off at the library.

Maybe.

Hi, sis.

Wilbert!

THELMA: Uncle Wilbert!

[LAUGHING]

Oh, you sure are one for pulling surprises.

Now, how come you didn't tell us

you were coming?

Well, now, if I told you I was coming,

you'd be counting the minutes.

So why should I make you suffer?

Well, I'm here now. Enjoy me.

Oh, Thelma...

You sure have grown up.

You're a beautiful young lady.

Thank you.

You look just like your mama here

when she was your age.

Please don't remind me.

I was a size seven then.

But, like Willie Mays,

they permanently retired my number.

J.J., there's something different about you.

I don't know what it is.

I can't spot it.

Nobody can. It's his mustache.

What you talking about, girl?

I'll have you know,

I have to trim this thing every day.

It's growing wild.

Well, save the hair for me, J.J.

I could use it up here.

You two.

Wilbert, you don't know how good it is to see you.

Mm. What brings you here?

Well, now, when you wrote me

that James was gonna be out of town for a while,

I said to myself,

"Now, this family needs a man

"to take charge of the house.

My sister needs me."

Now, you know your sister can take care of herself.

And I know why you're really here.

Every time James is away,

you just can't wait to take over.

Well, I'm a sucker for your kids,

and taking care is my specialty.

Yeah, you know, being the only boy

in a family of five girls, you know,

I had to take care of all y'all.

And I did a good job too.

You know,

when your mama used to go out driving with a boy,

I'd always make sure he knew the three R's.

Respect, righteousness,

and, if you thinking about messing with my sister,

reverse!

Hey, hey...

Where's Michael, my genius nephew?

Oh, he's not home from school yet.

Well, how's he doing in that special class?

Getting straight A's as usual, huh?

Well, we don't know.

He didn't bring home his first report card yet.

Well, there ain't nothing to worry about.

You know he's always gonna be tops.

Hi, y'all.

FLORIDA: Hey, Willona.

Lord, give me strength. Wilbert!

Willona!

[SHRIEKING]

How you doing?

What are you doing in the Windy City, man?

Oh, making it blow harder.

Oh, Willona, you sure are looking fine.

Mm-hmm.

How do you manage to stay so young?

Well, I lie a lot.

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Seriously, though,

to what do we owe the honor of this visit?

Oh, just filling in for James while he's out of town.

You know, this house needs a man in it.

Yeah, so does mine.

What are you talking about, "This house needs a man"?

What do I look like?

Ooh, can I answer that?

Hey, Flo, was today some kind of school holiday?

No.

Why do you ask?

Well, I could have swore I saw Michael

near the boutique around noon.

Are you sure Chicago ain't celebrating

New York being broke?

No, this ain't no holiday.

Now what about Michael?

Well, I was coming out of the boutique

on my way to lunch, and--

Child, you will never believe who I had lunch with today.

Rochelle Johnson.

And you want to hear the latest?

She was just divorcing for the sixth time.

Willona, about Michael?

And she don't even bother getting

no new wedding license.

She just has the old one xeroxed.

Willona, please, what about Mike?

Oh, honey, it wasn't important.

Oh, no, no. You started something,

now finish it. Well, it was just that I thought

I saw Michael on the corner in the middle of the afternoon.

I was kind of surprised. But it wasn't him.

Because when I yelled "Michael," whoever it was turned and zipped

faster than a witness at a mugging.

No, that couldn't have been Michael.

Not that boy. He'd be at school, huh?

Of course he would.

Yeah, probably some kid just looked like him.

Yeah, you know what they say. We all have a twin.

You mean that there's somebody else

walking around looking like you?

You know, I really am starting to get worried about him.

J.J., will you go out and see if you can find him?

Sure, Ma.

Hi.

See, Ma? I told you I'd find him.

Michael, boy.

Hi, Uncle Wilbert.

Come over here

and give your favorite uncle a great big hug!

Michael, where have you been? It's almost 5:00.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, Ma. I had to go back for my book.

Now, you see there, Florida?

I told you that boy's always got his mind on books.

He's gonna be a Supreme Court judge

just like we always said.

Hey, Supreme Court judge nothing.

This dude here's gonna be president.

Hey, hey, Michael, when you become prez,

will you make me ambassador to Harlem?

Sure, Uncle Wilbert.

Michael. Yes, Ma?

When are you gonna get your report cards?

Your Uncle Wilbert is just dying to see them.

Oh, well, Ma, I don't know

exactly when we will be getting them.

Well, uh, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to do some studying. Michael.

When your Uncle Wilbert is here,

you always like to sit and chat with him.

Oh, no, that's all right, Florida.

Let the boy study.

Now, that is much more important, you know.

His mind is like a belly dancer's hips,

got to be moving all the time.

Well, um, excuse me, please.

Well, Flo, listen.

One thing's for certain.

It wasn't Michael I saw, so stop worrying.

You know, I must be getting nearsighted.

They say that happens when you're getting near 30.

30, huh?

Uh-huh.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

I don't know. Michael just is not himself.

Ma, it's like I've been telling you.

Some little chick's probably got his nose open.

But I'll go in there

and have a chat with him.

Give him the benefit

of my vast experience in the area of...amour.

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Hey, Michael, what's happening?

Oh, it's you.

Michael, is that any way to talk

to your beloved big brother

and bunk buddy?

J.J., why don't you cut the jive?

What you want?

Well, Michael,

I think it's time we had a brother-to-brother talk,

or to put it delicately,

a talk about the birds and the bees.

Well, I have to study right now.

I'll teach you about sex some other time, okay?

Too bashful to talk about it, huh?

Tell me, Michael, who is she?

Who is who?

Your little fox, that's who.

There is no fox, J.J.

Michael, there's got to be a fox.

For every bull, there's a cow.

For every rooster there's a hen.

For every rhinoceros

there's a lady rhinoceros to share its mud hole.

Well, I got some homework to do

right now, man.

I don't have no time for no Wild Kingdom.

It's wild, all right, Michael,

but it's beautiful,

and you're at the perfect age.

At 13, girls are just like comic books.

Loaded with adventure, easy to understand,

and don't cost no more than a quarter

to take out.

Well, J.J.,

I don't feel like talking about it right now, okay?

Michael, I know why you're feeling the miseries.

You're probably turned on to some little chick

and she's turned off to you.

Well, let me tell you something, Michael.

You're a good-looking dude,

and you can pull out any chick you want.

All you got to do is walk around them...

flash that big Evans smile...

and they'll be grabbing tickets and waiting in line.

Got it, Michael?

Yeah, J.J. I got it.

All right, good, and, uh...

when you get a little older,

I'll teach you how to handle yourself

in the NFL of love.

[GRUNTS]

Well, Ma, it's just like I thought.

Some little chick's been bugging him,

but I gave him a quick orientation course.

J.J., I've seen

some of the girls you've gone out with.

They look like they've been through an obstacle course.

Quiet, melon face.

[KNOCKING]

Oh, Mrs. Evans? Yes.

We're Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins.

You have a son named Michael

attending the Upper Grade Center.

We want to talk to him, if you don't mind.

Oh, sure. May I ask why?

Because he's in big trouble at school.

Big trouble?

What happened?

That no-good kid of yours beat up on our little boy,

that's what happened.

Oh, there must be some mistake.

Michael wouldn't go around

beating up on anybody. That's right.

Michael doesn't believe in violence.

We taught him that.

That's right,

and we'll punch out anyone who says that we didn't.

All I know is that my wife called me home from work

on account of this,

and I can't afford to lose no hour's pay,

so you folks better get your son in line

or I'll have that kid expelled.

Oh, now, hold it.

Now, don't you go making no threats there,

balloon belly.

Don't you go calling my husband "balloon belly."

Yeah, cool it, jive turkey.

You asking for a fat lip to go with that stomach?

Yeah!

Oh, J.J., stop that

before your arms fall out of the sockets.

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins,

I don't appreciate anybody walking into my house,

blaming my son for something he didn't do.

That's right,

so you just shift that lard

in the other direction and split.

Wilbert, please.

We're not leaving

till we get an apology from you and your husband.

I am not her husband. I'm her brother.

Now, you see that, Florida? It is a good thing I came.

Now, you don't have to take no guff

from fatso here,

or that lady over there

with the bad sinus condition.

Bobby, tell them what happened, honey.

Go ahead. Tell them.

Michael hit me.

Well, if he did, you hit him first.

That's impossible.

We've taught our son that fighting is for animals

and to turn the other cheek.

And when I did, Michael hit me on that one too.

Well, there is one way to find out.

Michael, will you come out here, please?

You know, what don't make sense

is Michael laying a hand on this kid.

He look like he play center for the Chicago Bears.

Yeah, the only way Michael could hurt him

is to harpoon him.

Michael,

didn't you hear me calling you, child?

Yeah, Ma, I heard you.

Look, these folks said you hit their son.

I want you to tell them the truth.

You didn't hit him.

You didn't even touch him, right?

No, Ma, I did hit him.

Well, then, he hit you first, right?

No, Ma. One more "No, Ma,"

and there ain't gonna be no Michael.

I'll tell you why he hit me.

Because he's jealous.

Jealous? Jealous of what?

I showed him my report card yesterday,

and I got all A's,

and he didn't.

Okay. I caught you lying.

You couldn't have showed him your report card yesterday,

because the report cards haven't come out yet.

Ain't that right, Michael?

No, Uncle Wilbert.

I got a feeling we're seeing a disaster film in the making.

I beg your pardon.

The report cards were handed out yesterday.

We've already signed Bobby's and sent it back.

Yesterday?

All right, Michael,

I want to see your report card.

Now go and get it. Go on, Michael.

Michael.

[GASPS]

Oh, no.

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, we owe you an apology.

We're sorry.

Michael?

Don't you have anything to say to Bobby?

Yeah.

For having such a big mouth,

I should have jacked you up!

[ALL SHOUTING]

FLORIDA: Michael!

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins...

It's all right.

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins,

I guarantee you,

Michael won't bother your son again.

Thank you! Come on, Bobby.

Dummy!

Michael!

I don't understand this.

Six subjects, six grades,

and not an A in the bunch.

Michael, you never made less than an A

the whole time you've been in school.

I'm gonna ask you a question and I want a straight answer.

Was that you Willona saw this morning?

Yeah, Ma.

Was that before or after

you teed off on Tubby the Tuba?

After. That's why I cut class.

Michael, this isn't like you.

I don't understand it.

I want you to tell me what's going on.

Fighting,

cutting classes, low grades,

and worst of all, lying about your report card.

I'm waiting for an explanation, son.

Yeah, so am I!

I'll wait for you to get your explanation first, Ma.

That's what I'll do right here. I'll do that, yeah.

Michael, there must be

some good reason for all of this.

I don't have one.

All right, young man.

Well, it seems that there's

nothing else for me to do

but go to that school and see what's going on.

We've got to get to the bottom of this.

Uh, Wilbert,

I think I can do this by myself.

Michael is my problem.

What are you talking about? He's my nephew.

I know, but you know you have a habit

of blowing your stack,

especially when it concerns the children.

Now, hold it, Florida!

You know I have complete control of my temper!

What was the last time you saw me blow my stack?!

There's enough smoke

coming out of that stack right now

to pollute all of Chicago.

Wilbert, I think I must handle this myself.

Oh, you do, huh?

After I come all the way down here

from Detroit just to be by your side, huh?

To give you a man's help.

Oh, Wilbert, you know that--

No, no, no, that's okay, now.

I know when I ain't wanted.

I'll get out of your hair right now!

No, don't go.

I know when I ain't wanted!

Now, you heard your mother.

She said she don't need me.

Goodbye, y'all.

No! No, don't go!

Wilbert...

Wilbert. Wilbert!

Don't worry, Michael.

We'll straighten these dudes out.

Oh, Wilbert, please.

Now, I didn't want you to come here,

but since you are, I want you to please promise me

you'll let me do all the talking, okay?

All right, Florida. You the boss.

I'll keep my mouth shut

and play it real cool.

Sorry to have kept you waiting,

but I had a problem.

Ain't nothing compared to the problem

you gonna have right now!

There's something wrong

when my nephew don't get all A's.

I-- I beg your pardon?

You'll have to excuse my brother.

He's just a little upset about Michael.

More than just a little, Florida!

Now, this situation needs straightening out.

Now, now, now, look at her.

She can't be a real school teacher.

She ain't even wearing glasses.

Wilbert, please!

What we're concerned with is Michael's grades

and his whole attitude since he's been at this school.

Well, that's natural.

You know, here there's more homework,

the pace is accelerated,

and Michael is in a special class

for brighter students.

Well, now, that's exactly what I mean. Yeah.

Now, Michael's got more brains in his head

than any two kids in the whole school.

Now, that's why you put him in the special class, huh?

There ain't no work that you got

that he can't do, and I'd say that

even if he wasn't my nephew.

He just wouldn't say it as loud.

Now, look, look, we have all known

that Michael was gonna be a Supreme Court judge

since he was 8 years old, huh?

You tell her, son. Huh?

That you're gonna be a lawyer, best one there is, huh?

I'm not sure, Uncle Wilbert.

Say what?

I said I'm not...

I said I'm not sure.

Michael, ever since you were 8 years old

you wanted to be a lawyer. Remember?

Another Thurgood Marshall.

You always said that.

No, Mama, you and Daddy always said that.

I was just trying to be what you wanted me to be,

but I wish you, Daddy, Uncle Wilbert and everybody

would please stop telling me how smart I am.

Michael-- No, Ma,

I have to say this. When I was in elementary school,

I was at the top of my class,

but here there are kids as smart as I am,

some of them even smarter.

Maybe I don't even belong in this special class.

Michael, is that why you were afraid

to bring home your report cards?

Ma, I knew how you'd feel

if I didn't bring home all straight A's.

I wouldn't have said nothing.

Mrs. Evans, perhaps you and your family

are putting a little too much pressure on Michael

to perform in school.

Michael, have we done that?

You tried to help him, but often,

instead of helping a child to become what he wants to be,

some parents force him

to be what they think he should be.

Well, what is wrong

with a family wanting him to be a Supreme Court judge?

Nothing,

but that's a pretty high goal to think of at his age,

and without realizing it, you might force him to rebel.

Like fighting, cutting classes, low grades?

Exactly,

and sometimes, it leads to something even worse.

Worse? Yes.

Some children run away from home,

some join gangs,

and sometimes, it leads to things

far more tragic.

Michael, son,

I guess all we can say is we're sorry.

We love you, and we're behind you 100%.

That's right, Michael.

No more butting in.

You the boss.

You can be anything you want to be.

Yeah, and if being a Supreme Court judge

don't turn you on,

well, then don't let us push you.

You choose your own career.

You your own man now.

Well, I've been figuring.

The way I punched old Bobby around,

I might even become a boxer.

A what?!

Hey, Florida,

that might not be a bad idea, now.

First of all, we'll start off

with the Junior Boxing League,

then move on over to the Golden Gloves,

and then on to the Olympics. Olympics.

Hot damn, my nephew gonna be a heavyweight champ!

Wilbert!

I'm sorry, sis.

Come here.

[***]

* Mm-mm-mm *

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em? *

* Good times **