Original subtitles

* Good times *

* Any time you meet a payment *

* Good times *

* Any time you need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time You're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good times *

* Easy credit rip-offs *

* Good times *

* Scratchin' and survivin' *

* Good times *

* Hangin' in a chow line *

* Good times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em? *

* Good times *

I got it!

The perfect anniversary present for Ma and Dad.

An electric blanket!

The 20th anniversary is china.

You're supposed to get them something in china.

How about a Chinese electric blanket?

Aw, J.J., I never heard

of no Chinese electric blanket.

Yeah, that's one that warms the bed

and fries the eggrolls at the same time.

I tell you, Michael,

when it comes to jive, J.J. is the best alive.

I tell you, J.J., when it comes to fool,

you're at the head of the school.

Michael,

Thelma's usually the one that puts me down.

I know. She's been giving me lessons.

She taught me everything she knows.

Ow!

You're a good student, Michael, but let's get serious now.

The anniversary is Sunday,

and like I said, the thing to get is china.

Now, I saw this beautiful serving dish

at Sears.

The only question is, do we have enough?

It costs $12.

Hey, well, I've got $3 saved up.

And I've got 6.

Well, y'all's $3 short.

J.J., don't give us that routine about being short.

Yeah, you've always got some cash

stashed away someplace.

I don't.

I swear.

You do... and we know where.

We sure do.

Hey, what are y'all doing over there?

Give me that, man.

Hey!

I got $2.

Ooh! And I got 3.

And you're broke, huh?

Yeah!

Ooh, J.J., how selfish can you be?

Okay, now y'all blew my surprise.

I was saving that money for paint.

I was gonna paint a portrait of Ma and Dad

as my own personal present to them.

Oh, I'm sorry, J.J.

Yeah, me too.

Well, in honor of Ma and Dad,

I will humbly accept your apologies.

And besides

painting a portrait of them, I also made up a greeting card.

You did? Yeah!

[GASPS]

Ooh, that's beautiful!

Yeah.

And I already thought of a slogan to put on it.

What's that?

"Our love for you is out of sight.

"That comes from Thelma, Michael, and Kid...

Dy-no-mite!"

Okay, J.J., Michael and I'll buy the china serving dish.

We'll get the money somehow.

Sure we will.

[DOOR LATCH OPENING]

Uh-oh, if that's Ma,

let's not blow our surprise.

Okay.

Hi, children.

ALL: Hi, Ma.

What's going on?

Nothing's going on, Ma.

Oh, I think I get the vibes.

You kids are plotting

to buy your daddy and me an anniversary present,

but I just want you to know

that is not necessary.

But, Mama, this is a special anniversary.

And we want to.

I know you do.

But you worked hard for whatever you got saved up,

and your daddy and me

don't want you spending it on any present.

[PROTESTING]

Really. Really, children.

You three are the best present

we could have.

And you're looking at the pilot that started the series.

So, listen now.

All of you forget about the present.

Aw... Oh, Mama--

And, J.J., you can keep that money in your sock.

Ma, you know about

my secret hiding place too?

Mm-hmm.

It's as private as the men's room

at O'Hare airport.

[SINGS TO THE TUNE OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"]

* Happy anniversary to me *

* Happy anniversary To you *

* We got some miles On us, baby *

* But we're still good as new *

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

We're standing

in the used car lot of love.

And in 20 years,

we only turned out one clunker.

Hey!

Now, James, you know you don't mean that.

Just jiving, Junior. Just jiving.

Speaking of our three musketeers here,

do you know they were getting ready

to spend their money

to buy us an anniversary present?

You mean Junior was getting ready

to dip into his sock again?

I got a feeling my sock is listed in the Yellow Pages.

Well, look,

as much as I appreciate what you kids were gonna do,

it ain't necessary,

because I'm fixing to give your mother

the best anniversary present she could ever have.

What's that, James?

Me.

Yeah, baby, you're gonna have

two whole days of uninterrupted me.

What're you talking about?

Baby, I hold here in my hands the keys to paradise.

Remember me telling you about my friend Charlie, the foreman?

Yeah.

Well, Charlie owns this cabin up by the lake.

I told him about our anniversary,

and he's offered to lend it to us for the weekend.

Oh, that sounds so romantic.

JAMES: Yeah. When are we all going?

Florida, it'll be just like a second honeymoon.

You know, Charlie's a bachelor,

and he's got it all set up for romance.

It'll be some weekend, baby.

What's the matter? I told you about it,

but you don't seem to go for the idea too much.

Oh, I do, James, it's a wonderful idea.

But, well...

But what?

Well, it's just that we never left the kids alone

for two whole days.

Oh, now, come on, Florida.

Look at them. They ain't kids no more.

They're old enough to take care of theirselves.

That's right, Ma.

You and Dad deserve a couple of days alone by yourself.

Now, see that? They ain't worried about it.

Why you gonna be worried about it?

Okay. I guess you're right.

It is a wonderful idea. Yeah.

Two whole days, just me and you.

All alone.

Well, looks like they getting started early.

Uh, Michael, let's go finish that checker game

we had going in the bedroom.

Hey, good idea, J.J.

I've got all four kings, and all you got

is one little lonely checker

trapped in a corner.

You haven't got a chance.

That's what he thinks.

While he wasn't looking, I painted on some more squares.

Well, I better go referee.

Hi, y'all.

Hey, Willona.

[SINGS TO THE TUNE OF "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"]

* For you're a groovy dude You're a foxy chick *

* You've been married For 20 long years *

* How'd you make it stick? *

Oh, Willona.

Twenty years.

Honey, I'd be celebrating my 20th.

I came that close. Mm.

Eighteen and a half more years, and I would have made it.

Although our marriage only lasted a couple of innings,

honey, that man sure knew he was in a ball game.

Oh, you'll catch yourself a husband some day.

Honey, I hope not.

I'm having too much fun looking.

I didn't come up here to talk about me.

I came to bring you some anniversary goodies.

For she.

Thank you.

For he.

Hey, Willona, thank you.

Have a happy. Come on, open it.

Oh, all right.

Willona, they're beautiful.

Now, the 20th is china, right?

Yeah.

You are now the honorable

Mr. and Mrs. Egg Foo Yung.

Most grateful thanks.

Hey, James,

these will be perfect for the cabin.

Ah, so.

Cabin?

Did I hear you say cabin?

Yeah.

James's foreman is gonna let us use his cabin over the weekend

to celebrate our anniversary.

Ooh, child!

Now, when you get there,

get the lights down low, get the fireplace going,

slip into those robes,

go in your neutral corners, and come out loving!

For breakfast tomorrow morning, there's oatmeal and eggs.

And for lunch today, there's gonna be fried chicken.

I stayed up late last night making it.

Ma, I wouldn't count on that fried chicken

if I was you.

What do you mean?

I stayed up later last night and ate it.

That's just great.

Now you don't have anything for lunch.

Oh, don't worry, Ma.

You know I can always cook up something.

That still leaves us with no lunch.

All right, Michael.

Thelma, now,

if the plumbing gets stopped up,

don't call the janitor.

It'll take him a week to get here.

The plunger is right under the sink.

Oh, let me make sure it's under there.

That's okay, Ma. I'll find it.

And if I don't,

I can always use J.J. instead.

And if the vacuum cleaner don't work,

we can always use your mouth.

J.J.

Hey, J.J., why don't you stop barking at Thelma?

All right. All right, children.

Now I don't want any of that while we're gone.

You promise?

Promise?

TOGETHER: Oh, okay.

Thelma, I'm putting you in charge of everything.

Hey, ma, how come she's in charge?

I'm the oldest.

Well, she knows more about running the house.

Hmm.

But, ma, you need a man around the house

to defend against lawless intruders.

You're absolutely right, J.J.

Michael, I'm putting you in charge of security.

Ma...

JAMES: We better get a move on

if we don't want to miss that bus.

All right, James.

Listen, Michael,

they say it's gonna turn real cold this weekend.

So if you go out to play basketball,

I want you to dress real warm, you hear?

Yes, Mama.

I want you to put on your hat.

Yes, Mama.

And your scarves. Yes, Mama.

And two pairs of socks. Yes, Mama.

And your mittens. Yes, Mama.

Michael, how are you gonna shoot baskets

with mittens on?

I don't know, but I was doing so good with "Yes, Mama,"

I couldn't stop.

Come on, Florida, let's go, huh?

Okay, James. We better split.

Bye, children.

You take care.

See you later, Ma.

Be a good boy, now.

J.J., I want you to take care of everything.

And we'll call you as soon as we get there.

Have fun, Ma. Bye-bye.

Oh, and there's money in the cookie jar

in case of emergencies.

Okay, Ma. Bye-bye.

Oh, and be sure and keep the door locked

and don't let no strangers in.

Okay. Don't worry. Bye, y'all.

Come on, James.

And, look, in case there's anything you can't handle,

just call Willona, all right?

[ALL AGREEING]

Bye.

[FLORIDA SOBBING]

You sure y'all gonna be all right?

Florida, will you come on, please?

My mother didn't give me this big a sendoff

when I left for Korea.

Let's go.

All right, James. Bye.

Bye!

Bye, Daddy.

Bye, children.

Bye, Daddy.

Ooh.

Whew.

Kids!

We're running short on peanut butter.

Now, in case you have to buy some more,

get a medium-size jar.

And there are coupons in the drawer.

And be sure you go to--

[LAUGHING]

Oh!

Oh, James, this is silly.

Come on, now.

All I'm trying to do

is recreate our honeymoon, baby.

Yeah, but on our honeymoon, I only weighed 110.

Yeah, you was just skin and bones then.

But, ha, you just right now.

Just enough to fill my arms

but not too much to make my knees buckle.

Oh, come on, baby.

[CHUCKLING]

Hey...

Yeah, this is some place he got here, ain't it?

Boy, this cabin is everything

Charlie said it was, baby.

This is gonna be some weekend.

Yeah. Honey? Huh?

Do you think the kids are gonna be all right?

Oh, now, Florida, the kids are gonna be fine.

Look, we supposed to be Liz and Dick,

not the Swiss Family Robinson. Huh?

We only left them a few hours ago.

Yeah, but you know how they are.

Yeah, and you know how I am,

so... let's get it on.

Well, look at that Charlie.

Got logs in the fireplace.

Look here, baby...

A bottle of champagne just for us.

Everything.

Look here, why don't you go

slip into them Chinese robes

that Willona gave us?

I'll get these logs going.

And we can get real cozy, huh?

Mm-hmm. What do you say to that, baby?

Uh-huh.

What's wrong? What you looking for?

James, there's no phone.

Well, that's good.

That way, can't nobody bother us.

No, but I promised the kids I'd call as soon as we got here

and let them know we were safe.

Honey, I'm worried about them. Oh, now, Florida,

stop worrying about the kids now.

We came up here to relax, get away from it all. Remember?

Just you and me, baby.

You and me.

I guess you're right, James.

You know I'm right. Give me some sugar.

Mm.

Excuse me, honey.

Well, now where you going?

I just remembered there's a phone booth

in that gas station down the road.

No, Florida, leave it.

I won't be long.

Yeah, but, Florida, it's cold out there.

Cold in here too.

Get up and get dressed and clean up this living room.

Says who?

Says me.

You heard Ma.

She put me in charge.

Well, I got news for you, Thelma.

You've just been un-in-charged.

From now on,

I'm giving the orders around here.

What did you say?

That's right.

This is what's known as a military coup.

From now on, refer to me as...

el presidente!

And we can get things rolling

by you starting to vacuum the rug here,

you fixing us dinner,

and you doing the dishes.

Michael, you in charge of garbage detail.

And what are you going to do?

I'm gonna rest up from all this military couping.

Something tells me

this weekend's gonna be longer than I thought.

No, it ain't.

Hey, Thelma, what you doing over there?

El presidentehas given you the orders.

Well, el presidente, the people have gone on strike,

and you can make your own dinner.

Hey, hey, hey...

Hey, hey, hey.

That's no problem at all.

Besides being your leader,

I'm also known

as the Galloping Gourmet of the ghetto.

I will prepare for you now the perfect dinner.

What's that, J.J.?

Soft-boiled eggs.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hey, Thelma, answer the phone.

You answer it. You running the country.

Boy, Thelma, you are definitely asking for a court martial.

Your attitude is abominable.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hello.

Oh, hi, Ma.

Ma!

Yeah, everything here is groovy.

Oh, Ma, everything here

ain't groovy, it's a mess.

Ah...

Those were the sweet tones of your daughter Thelma

speaking sweet words of ecstasy.

How's everything up there?

Good.

Good.

J.J., give me the phone. Come on.

Ahem.

That was Thelma saying, "right on."

No, she wasn't, Ma, she was complaining.

Ahem.

Well, Ma, uh, how's the vacation going?

Is it really going that-- Well, goodbye.

You just wait until Mom and Dad get back here.

I'm gonna tell them everything.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, I'm getting tired of all this yakking.

Y'all are getting on my nerves!

[SPLAT] [SPLAT]

Hey, hey, hey...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

All right.

Well, baby,

you wasn't gone long,

and look at this fire I got here.

You not Charlie.

No, I don't think so.

I know I ain't Charlie.

Well, where's Charlie?

Uh, he ain't here, uh...

He gave me the place for the weekend.

Oh, wow...

I'm supposed to meet him here.

Isn't this the, uh... 17th?

No, it's the 10th.

Really? All day long.

Oh, shoot.

I am always so confused.

You know, I pose for calendars,

but I never look at the little numbers.

Uh, I thought you looked familiar.

I seen your picture

on Charlie's wall in his office.

You Miss December.

Right. That's me.

You sure wasn't dressed for it.

Well, you know those calendar people.

I'm Gloria Jackson.

Uh, James Evans.

Ooh, it's just a shame about this mix-up.

You know, it took me three whole hours

to drive up here in all that snow.

Oh, that's a shame.

Ooh, that fire sure looks good.

Do you mind if I warm up a little bit?

Uh, no. Not at...

Lord have mercy.

Uh... uh, Miss Jackson, uh...

Ooh, I sure hate to think

about that drive all the way back.

Yeah.

Ooh, this is just, mm... just too cozy.

Yeah.

You know something?

Huh?

You a better looking dude than Charlie.

[CHUCKLING UNCOMFORTABLY]

Uh... Look here, Miss Jackson...

Oh, you can call me Gloria.

Uh, Gloria...

Uh-huh?

I think it's only right

that I tell you I'm a married man.

Oh, congratulations.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, what I mean to say

is that my phone call is down at the wife making--

I mean--

I mean, my wife is down at the phone booth

making a call,

and she'll be back any minute.

Oh.

Well, that's the way it goes.

Don't worry, sugar. I'll split.

Ooh, that fire's getting just a little bit too low.

Ooh, Lord.

Honey, I spoke to the kids, and--

James...

Uh, ha, ha.

I think you better do a little speaking to me.

Oh, you must be Mrs. Evans.

Yes.

Uh, baby, this is, uh, December Jackson--

I mean--

I mean, Gloria Jackson.

She's a friend of Charlie's.

She got the calendars--

I mean, the weekends mixed up.

[MOCKS JAMES'S LAUGH]

You ain't too together yourself, lover.

Well, I think I'll be going now.

Just thanks so much for the use of the fire.

Aw, you're welcome, Miss Jack--

And--

I'll just be getting on down the road.

And I'll just see you guys--

Oh, James...

You know, if you like, I'll stop by the office some day

and autograph that calendar

just for you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, Miss Jackson.

Bye. Bye.

[CHUCKLING]

What calendar?

Huh? Oh, you know,

one of them nature things that--

mountains and trees,

and all that kind of stuff, baby.

I saw you admiring the scenery.

Now, Florida, you know

you the only scenery I want to look at, baby.

She might have been Miss December,

but you my calendar girl all year long.

Every year.

You just keep getting better and better and better, baby.

You improve with age too, lover.

All right.

Now, how are the kids doing?

Fine. Just fine.

See? Didn't I tell you?

Now, look, you march yourself

right in there,

put on that robe Willona gave you,

I'll pour some champagne,

and we'll get this 20th anniversary

on the road.

[HUMMING "TONIGHT" FROM WEST SIDE STORY]

[POP]

Ah. There's the starting gun.

Now we are off and running.

[HUMMING]

Yes.

* Scooby-dooby doo *

* Doo doo do doo *

Ahem.

Yes.

[SLAM]

Well, bless my fortune cookie.

Baby, you look beautiful.

Thank you.

Well, step up, lotus blossom.

The bar is now open.

I kind of dig the bartender.

In that case,

I'll have a drink with the customer.

Ah.

Here's to 20 years, baby.

And they've all been good ones, James.

You even make the bad ones good ones.

Mm.

These next two days gonna be the best of all.

Who you telling? Mm.

[***]

* Mm-mm-mm *

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em? *

* Good times *