Original subtitles

* Good times Any time you meet a payment *

* Good times Any time you need a friend *

* Good times Any time you're out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

* Easy credit ripoffs Good times *

* Scratchin' and survivin' Good times *

* Hangin' in a chow line Good times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **

WOMAN ON TELEVISION: Howard, Howard...

Sit down.

I have a confession to make.

I've... I've been an unfaithful wife.

[CHILLING ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]

ANNOUNCER: We will return toAn Affair of the Heart

right after these messages from our sponsor.

Thelma, are you watching

that jive soap opera again?

Mm-mm. Ooh! Don't touch that dial!

Howard's about to leave Cynthia!

He's been leaving her since I was 12 years old.

I wanna watch Win a Fortune.

Win a Fortune, are you serious J.J.?

You watch that stupid program?

Michael, it's not stupid,

and I love to watch them women

win them prizes.

The emcee always goes, "Annabelle, are you ready?

"Pull the curtain.

"Annabelle, you have just won a genuine Hollywood mink coat!"

She goes crazy!

[SCREAMING]

She kisses and hugs the emcee.

Then she grabs the coat and runs out and hawks it.

We have got to see that!

Not today, we won't!

All right, Michael, what you doing?

I don't like those game shows

or those daytime soap operas.

I wanna watch the news.

Hey, what's so special about the news?

It's this new family programming.

It's the only place a kid can see sex and violence

before 9:00.

Well, Michael, if you wanna see and violence,

look out the window.

We're gonna watch Win a Fortune!

Hey!

Who put you in charge of the TV?

I did, because I'm the biggest.

The biggest what?

The biggest fool, I'm gonna--

[SHOUTING]

Hold it, you two!

Hold it!

Something's wrong with Ma.

She walked right past

all the hollering and screaming

without hollering and screaming.

What's the matter, Ma?

Oh, I'm all right. Don't worry about me.

Probably just a little upset stomach.

Well, then why didn't you tell me, Ma?

Because when your tummy hurts, and you don't feel right,

that's the time to call Doctor...

[CLAPS]

Dy-no-mite!

I'm gonna check here in the medical encyclopedia.

Well, I don't think you're gonna find

much in that book, J.J.

I already checked there.

Well, maybe you didn't look in the right place.

These things take a certain medical savoir faire.

Are your toes numb?

No.

Well, then it ain't frostbite.

J.J., look under brain damage.

Thelma, that's not Ma's problem.

No, it's yours.

Well, Thelma, let me diagnose your problem.

In simple medical terms,

you got a bad case of the uglies.

I must have caught it from you, fungus face.

Fungus face?

You got some nerve, you old amoeba-head!

I don't wanna hear that!

Thelma and J.J., why don't y'all cool it.

Can't y'all see Mama doesn't feel well,

Here, Mama, have a seat.

Honey, I'm all right.

Just a little tired, that's all.

Too much tooting that barge

and lifting that bale.

You could have a tropical disease, Ma.

You ever been bitten by a tee-see fly?

J.J., there are no tsetse flies

in Chicago!

Well, when you get bitten by a tee-see fly,

you don't ask him what he's doing in Chicago.

J.J., stop that nonsense.

But Ma-- Now, listen.

When your daddy gets home,

I don't want y'all saying nothing about this to him.

You hear me? It'll only worry him.

Mama, why don't you go to see a doctor?

I'm sure it's nothing, Michael.

Besides, you know I always hated going to those clinics.

How about a tapeworm, Ma.

Feel anything wiggling?

J.J., if I have to get sick, will you please do me a favor?

Yeah, what, Michael?

Keep your jive turkey hands off!

Hey, y'all.

Hey, Dad! Hey, Dad. Hey, Daddy.

Baby, you are looking at a man who has it made.

We are moving up financially.

J.J.: Oh, yeah, what you doing,

giving up your job for unemployment insurance?

No, baby, I got a 15-buck raise.

Oh! Hey! Right on!

Oh, James, that's wonderful.

Yeah, I just asked for it, and I got it.

I walked right up to the foreman,

and I said, "Hey, Pete,

seen you having lunch with the boss's wife."

James. THELMA: Ooh!

Just jiving, baby. Just jiving.

But I did get the raise, kids. That's for sure.

Great, Daddy. That's great!

Now I can get a new pair of patch jeans.

I can get a basketball and a hoop.

Where are you gonna hang it, in here?

Well, Bill Russell's got one in his office.

Step aside, young'uns.

Let the eldest offspring get in here.

Now, Dad, what I would like is an Eldorado Cadillac...

stereo tape deck, power ashtrays.

Junior-- On second thought, Dad,

make that a skateboard.

Oh, J.J.

Baby, you ain't saying nothing. Ain't you proud of me?

Oh, of course, I'm proud of you, James.

That's the biggest raise you ever got.

Florida, are you feeling all right?

Sure. I'm feeling fine, honey.

Couldn't feel better.

Sure, Dad, Ma's okay.

Yeah, I couldn't find a thing in the medical book.

Medical book?

What you looking in the medical book for?

Baby, what's wrong?

What's the matter?

Nothing, James.

Florida, I said, what's the matter?

Honey, it's nothing.

I just got a little pain in my side, that's all.

Baby, how long have you had it?

Not long.

How long?

[SIGHS]

Promise you won't get upset?

Baby, I promise you I'm not gonna get upset.

Now, how long did you have it?

Two weeks. Two weeks!

What the hell you mean, two weeks?

Well, at least you didn't get upset.

You been hurting and you didn't tell me?

How come you didn't tell me?

Well, honey, I thought maybe

it would just go away.

Well, now, Florida,

that ain't no ordinary stomachache,

to be hanging around here for two weeks.

Yeah, even Thelma's oatmeal don't hurt that long.

Well, we ain't waiting around here

for you hurt another two weeks.

I'm taking you down to the county hospital now.

Oh, now, James, you know how I hate that clinic.

It's too much trouble.

Besides, those doctors don't even know who you are.

It don't make no difference if they know who you are,

as long as they know what you got.

JAMES: See y'all later.

All right. See you, Dad.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wait a minute, y'all.

Maybe Ma's only got...

a deviated spectrum.

Dum-dum, that's deviated septum,

and it's in the nose.

Well, you never know.

When they deviate, they deviate.

I sure do hope Mama's all right.

She didn't feel too good when she left.

Well, it's probably nothing, Michael.

Try to remember, Mama's strong.

Yeah, all us Evanses is strong.

It's in our blood.

The day after I was born, Ma was up and walking.

She wasn't walking.

She took one look at you and started running.

Oh, yeah?

Well, the day after you were born,

when the nurse held you up behind the glass,

every father in the room said,

"I hope that one ain't mine."

Boy, that clinic-- I tell you,

people ain't nothing to them but bodies.

Take it easy, James.

It's gonna be all right.

No, it ain't either.

where do they get off talking to you like that

and treating you like that?

While we were down there,

we should have had your blood pressure checked.

If you don't slow down, you're going to pop.

I should have popped somebody down at that clinic.

What happened, Ma? What did they find out?

They took a lot of tests, and then they found--

Boy, and the way they boss you around--

"Wait in line! Fill out that paper!

"Follow the yellow line!

Sit down until we call you."

Mama, are you gonna be all right?

Oh, sure. Sure, honey. I'm gonna be all right.

They just said that I have--

"Where's your application?

"Can't you read? Look at the sign.

"Go back upstairs and fill out an application.

"What are you doing up here

"without a registration slip?

"Go back downstairs

and fill out a registration slip."

James, James, James.

"Wait in line. No, you in the wrong hall.

Go down the hall. Pick up this number."

Even had to wait 20 minutes to get a parking pass.

But, Dad, we don't own no car.

You try telling that to them.

James, it's not the clinic's fault.

They just got too many patients.

Mama, you still didn't tell us what they said.

Well, children,

I'm gonna have to have an operation.

Operation! No, Mama. Oh!

[SHOUTING]

Hi, everybody. Hello, Willona.

What's happening?

Mom and Dad have been to the clinic.

They're gonna have to operate.

Oh, James, I'm so sorry.

Not Dad. Ma!

James, how come you sitting down

and Flo's standing up?

Uh, yeah, you right, Willona.

Come on, baby, sit down.

Flo, honey, what's the matter?

Well, they say it's gallstones.

Gallstones!

Yeah, they're fixing to operate

on your mother's gall bladder.

When do you go in?

Tomorrow afternoon.

What's a gall bladder?

Well it-- oh, never mind.

Oh, one of those girl things, huh?

No, it isn't one of those girl things.

Then what's it do?

I don't know, Michael,

but whatever it does, mine ain't doing it right.

Then it must be one of those girl things.

Well, don't worry about what you're gonna wear.

I'll loan you my peach gown with the ruffles.

Sexy. You'll blow their minds!

Thank you, Willona.

That means I'll be the belle of the operating room.

Don't they give gowns at the hospital?

They do,

but don't turn your back on the air-conditioner.

Boy, you ain't got no privacy at all,

no privacy at all.

All them interns poking at you

like you're some kind of Guinea pig.

James, it's free, and the doctors are good.

[GRUMBLES]

Well, Flo, the last time I was in there,

I had five interns listening to my chest.

I thought you had a broken ankle, Willona.

I did.

Well, didn't they know what they was up to?

They knew what they was up to.

But I cooled them.

Florida, I don't want you going to that county hospital again.

Oh, James, please, don't upset yourself.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Florida, I'm gonna send you to a private doctor

and see that you get to the best hospital in town.

Now, James, don't start even thinking that way,

because you know we can't afford it.

Well, why not, baby?

I mean, I just got a raise,

and I got health insurance at Brady's.

What's it all good for if we ain't gonna use it?

I mean, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Yes, honey, but--

Well, then you got it.

Florida, you my queen, and I love you,

and for once in your life,

you're gonna have the very best--

a semi-private room.

Oh, James.

Oh, James, this is so nice.

Just look at this room.

Yeah.

Almost like our honeymoon, ain't it?

Yeah.

Semi-private.

[CHUCKLES]

How are you feeling, baby?

Scared.

But being here makes me feel a little better.

Oh, that's good.

James, how much did this room cost?

Oh, don't you worry about that.

James?

Only 95 a day.

If that's dollars, I'm really going to be sick.

Don't worry about that, Florida.

I got the insurance.

And I mean, after all, I'm assistant loading foreman.

My wife ain't got no business sitting up in a ward

at the county hospital.

Now, now, James, let's not pretend

we're something we ain't. [DOOR OPENS]

Well, hello there. I'm Mrs. Andrews.

I'm sharing the room with you.

Oh, I'm Florida Evans, and this is my husband, James.

How do you do? Hello.

Oh, you're so fortunate to have your husband here.

Leon had to fly to New York. He's an attorney.

Are you a professional man?

Yes.

I'm in--

I'm in cargo management.

Oh, how interesting!

Yes.

It's quite a load on his shoulders.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, I'll be so glad to get home.

We have a place on the north shore.

Oh, where do you live?

Um, summer or winter?

[DOOR OPENS]

Can we come in now?

FLORIDA: Oh, come on in.

Hey, Mama. Hey, Daddy.

All right, man.

How are you doing, Ma?

Gee, this is some kind of place, Ma.

They even have light bulbs in the elevators.

Oh, Ma, you look so pretty.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I tell you, boy, real class, real class.

You even got your own john.

Oh, the kid's just joking.

He's trying to cheer his mother up.

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Of course.

Michael. Yeah, Daddy.

Go on downstairs

and get your mother a dozen roses.

Okay, Daddy. All right.

Hello, Mr. Evans.

Doctor.

Well, how are you feeling?

Fine, Doctor.

That's good.

Doctor, is my mother gonna be okay?

Oh, now, you mustn't worry.

Everything's going to be just fine.

Now, if you'll excuse us for a moment please.

Sure, doc. We'll be out in the hall.

FLORIDA: Okay, y'all be good now.

THELMA: See you, Ma. Bye-bye.

JAMES: See you, baby.

Uh, excuse me there, Doc.

Uh, I've been doing a little research here.

I think it's time that you and me

ought to consult here.

Uh, now, are you aware of the symptoms

of the tee-see fly bite?

Dad, I'm so glad you brought Mama here.

Me too, baby girl.

Now, look here,

that woman in there had a TV.

I'm going to see if can order one for your mother.

Good decision. Good decision.

Excuse me, beautiful lady.

Are you doing anything tonight?

Looked like she already done done it.

A dollar and a half for an aspirin?

Yes, sir, that's the normal charge.

That's just crazy. Look at this bill!

While the doctors were upstairs

saving my life,

you were down here killing my bank account!

Uh, good afternoon.

I'm Mr. Evans. My wife is in room 425.

Yes, Mr. Evans. What can I do for you?

Did I hear right, $1.50 for an aspirin?

Yes, sir.

We have to charge for pharmaceuticals.

Yeah, but I'm paying 95 a day.

But that only covers room and board.

It doesn't include the other charges,

like the operating room, the recovery room, lab work.

Lab-- what lab work?

Well, tests. You know, blood, urinalysis.

You got to pay to go?

Just about.

They charge you for everything else--

phone calls, Kleenex.

Kleenex?

Damn, how much it cost to breathe around here?

Oxygen's $50 a day.

Well, it's a good thing I got insurance.

Oh, yes.

Reliable Mutual Insurance Company.

Yeah, my boss said it was good for up to 80%.

It is.

Up to a maximum of $42 a day and after $200 deductible.

Well, just lay it on me. How much am I in for?

Well, not counting your doctors' fees

and deducting your insurance benefits,

I'd say it's going to cost you roughly $600.

Six-hundred dollars! Lady, I work on a loading dock!

I can't afford that kind of money!

Mr. Evans, we have sick people here.

Yeah, you looking at one of them.

Mr. Evans, believe me, I know how you feel,

but hospital costs are going up every day.

I work here and I can't afford to be sick.

[GRUMBLES]

Mr. Evans? What was it you wanted to talk to me about?

Well, I did come down here to see if I could rent a TV

so my wife could watch Red Foxx...

but after hearing these prices,

I think it would be cheaper to get him here in person.

[LAUGHING]

Mrs. Andrews?

Mrs. Andrews!

Yes?

Excuse me, but could you help me?

I'd like to raise my head a little bit.

Which one of these buttons do I push?

The one marked "up".

Thank you.

That's the wrong up!

It's the button on the other side.

Now on top of everything,

I'm gonna end up with whiplash.

It's the button on the right-hand side, dear.

Now it's making a sandwich out of me!

Oh, wait. I'll help you.

It's this button here.

Okay now?

Yeah, but it's kind of weird laying in a bed that's alive.

[LAUGHING]

Well, I got to pay for the phone bills, the pills,

the operating room, not to mention the lab costs.

Probably got a meter on her electric bed.

I got the roses, Daddy. You owe me two bucks.

Two-- but I gave you 10.

They cost 12.

Take them back.

You mean, you're not gonna get anything for Mama?

We already did... Kleenex.

Oh, come on, Dad.

Everything will be all right.

Hey, Daddy, it's getting pretty late.

Can we take a taxi home?

Taxi? We taking a bus home.

You mean we have to walk at night

in this white neighborhood?

Mister, just take them flowers back.

Okay, Daddy.

I don't know how I'm gonna pay for all this.

I can't afford it.

I mean, these dudes here hit you for everything.

Oh, Daddy.

Well, right away, I get a 15-buck raise,

and I think I'm a big man.

Don't blame yourself, Dad.

You just wanted to do the best you could for Ma.

Yeah, but how good is that, Junior?

I couldn't even afford to give her some roses.

No problem, Dad.

There's a dude down in the ice box

that don't need his roses no more.

J.J... what were you doing down there?

Followed the wrong nurse.

Oh, there ain't no way in the world

I can afford all this.

There ain't no way!

Oh, Daddy, we can all pitch in and help.

Baby girl, it ain't your problem.

It's mine.

What do you mean? She's my mother.

Mine too!

Now look, kids, let's just plain face facts.

We can't make it. Your mother will understand.

We still got time to get her over to the clinic.

[DOOR OPENS]

Well, everything's just fine, Mr. Evans.

I'm due over at county hospital.

I've got another gall-bladder operation there.

You know you're lucky.

I know a lot of people who couldn't afford this.

I'm one of them.

Oh, Daddy, it's not that bad.

It ain't, huh?

Thelma, I love that woman in there

more than any man in the world could.

They don't come no better than your mother.

Here she is sick,

and I can't even afford to put her in a nice hospital.

Ain't no sense wasting time.

She can't stay here, and that's it.

Baby.

Oh, hello, honey.

I'm glad you're still here.

Yeah, well...

Florida, there's something I got to tell you,

and it's-- it's kind of hard for me, baby,

because I don't know how to say it.

Oh, James, I'm so woozy.

They just gave me a sleeping pill.

Yeah, but why?

The operation ain't till tomorrow.

Why you got to take a dollar--

I mean, a pill now?

To relax, I guess.

Oh, James, this hospital is so nice.

They give you everything.

Baby, they don't give you nothing.

You know, if I press this button,

a nurse comes right away.

That's nice, baby, but Florida--

You know, it sure beats down there

in the clinic.

When you want a nurse down there,

you got to bang on the walls

with your dinner tray.

You know, Florida,

I'm glad you like it here and everything, baby.

You know I want the best for you,

but we just can't--

Florida, we can't--

Florida?

Florida.

Baby, you got to wake up.

This is the most expensive nap you done ever took!

Oh, Florida, please.

And the food here, James...

Yes.

I wish you could taste it. Yeah.

It's just like eating in a...

in a downtown restaurant.

I hope you didn't tip the nurse.

You know, I found out that the cook here

used to be the head chef on a luxury liner.

Yeah, that's nice, baby,

but, Florida, look here,

what I'm trying to say is--

Oh, I'm so tired.

Florida... Florida.

Don't you go to sleep till I done finish

saying what I got to say now.

Oh, Florida, please.

They even give you

a choice of entrees for dinner.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Baby, all that's good, but...

you know I had no idea that this--

James, I love you.

I love you too, baby.

Mm-hmm.

But, Florida, I had no idea this hospital was gonna be so...

so fancy and so expensive... looking.

And I feel so safe here.

Yes.

Whoever thought I'd be treated like...

like a queen.

Yes.

Thank you, James.

Yeah, you welcome, baby.

Is anything wrong?

Oh, no, no, no. I just--

I just stopped to tell you, don't worry about tomorrow.

I mean, it's gonna be a breeze.

And look here,

you use up all this Kleenex you want in here, all of it.

Good night, honey.

Good night, baby.

God bless you.

And me too.

Ooh, this place hasn't changed much in a week.

Y'all don't know how good it feels to be home.

Let me take that for you, Ma.

Thank you, honey.

Come on over here and sit down for a while.

MICHAEL: I'll put the flowers in water.

Is it too cold for you in here?

You want a blanket or something, baby?

Oh, now, wait a minute, everybody.

I'm fine really.

The doctors say I can do anything I used to do.

Are you sure, baby?

I'm positive.

Well then, Ma,

I got this jacket that needs sewing up.

I got an ink stain in my jeans.

Yeah, Ma, I have a big hole in my sock.

Yeah, and I popped a couple of buttons

on my other work shirt.

Welcome home, baby.

[SIGHS]

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **