Original subtitles

* Good times Any time you meet a payment *

* Good times Any time you need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time you're Out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

* Easy credit rip-offs Good times *

* Scratchin' and survivin' Good times *

* Hangin' in a chow line Good times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **

J.J., must you gulp your food?

I can't help it, Ma,

it's been so long since my stomach's tasted ham,

it just keeps saying to my mouth,

"Don't bother chewing, just send it down!"

Mama, can you cut me three more slices of ham?

Three more slices?

Yeah, I want to make a sandwich--

One slice of ham between two slices of ham.

Well, you can have one more slice of ham, how's that?

Thanks, Daddy.

I feel sorry for rich people,

you have to poor to appreciate a meal like this.

I'm glad you all are enjoying it,

because there's plenty of it.

And for the rest of the week you're going to be ham happy.

You're going to have ham hash, ham loaf, ham stew and ham soup.

And just so you won't forget it, I'm going to bronze the bone.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'll get it.

No, I'll get it Michael, you stay and eat that ham

you wanted so bad and clean that plate too.

Yeah?

James Evans.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, don't you recognize me?

No, can't say that I do.

Cartersville, Mississippi.

Well, maybe this'll help you.

Quack, quack, quack.

Duckfoot Harris!

I think they recognize each other,

they're starting to dance.

Baby, this is Duckfoot--

I mean this is Ernie Harris, Emma and Fred Harris's son.

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Evans.

It's my pleasure to meet you.

James has told me so much about you and your folks.

Ernie, these are my kids.

That's my daughter Thelma.

She's beautiful.

Yeah, and my youngest son, Michael.

Oh, he's a handsome lad.

And the one there with the ham is my oldest boy, Junior.

As you can see I'm the one

who got the beauty in the family rolling.

Come over here and sit down, let's talk.

I see you didn't waste no time getting off the blocks, huh?

No.

Come on, help me clear the table.

Okay, Ma.

So tell me, man, what brings you to Chicago?

Well, I'm just passing through on business,

but I had to stop by and say hello to my old partner.

I sure am glad you did, man.

Well, how long has it been now?

I don't know, what is it, 30 years since

we were kids together, Patches.

Patches, boy you got some memory.

Baby, in case you're wondering how I got the nickname Patches

when I was a kid, I was so poor

I always had to wear patches on my pants.

I thought where you lived all the kids

wore patches on their pants.

Yeah, but baby, I had patches on my patches.

I never realized things were that bad, Daddy.

Yeah, see, baby girl, my folks were sharecroppers.

We did all the cropping and the landlords

did all of the sharing.

Boy, it was evil times.

Big depression, a lot of folks out of work,

folks waiting in the relief line.

It's almost as bad as 1975.

You ain't wrong, baby.

I tell you, it hadn't have been for Ernie's folks here

we never would have made it through that year.

See they had a little grocery store and they used to let us

have all the food we needed on credit,

told them we could pay them back whenever we got the money.

Things sure are different today.

When you go to the market now,

not only do they not give you credit,

but if you don't grab a can fast enough,

they stamp your hand with a higher price.

You right on that, baby.

Well, Ernie, you sure had some good folks.

I was sorry to hear that they passed on, man.

Yeah, but they had a good life.

Look here, we sitting here fat mouthing, man,

I bet you hungry.

Baby, why don't you cut Ernie a piece of that ham.

Oh, sure, James.

I don't want to be any bother now.

Oh, it's no bother at all.

Ernie, come on over here and get you something to eat.

Well, if you say so.

There goes Hash Monday. J.J.!

Maybe he won't eat the ham, maybe he's Jewish.

Michael, get Ernie a can of beer, will you?

Sure, Daddy.

That was lucky, for a minute there I thought

he was going to cut into my Kool-Aid supply.

J.J., you're always thinking of yourself.

Can you think of a better person?

Here you go.

Thanks, Michael.

Here you are, Ernie.

Thank you.

Well Ernie, I guess you took over your folks' store, huh?

Yeah, for a little while,

but a little old country business like that

wasn't for me, I wanted to move into something bigger, you know?

So, I sold it.

Well, from the way you're dressed

I'd say you made the right move.

Oh, I love that ring, Mr. Harris, it's beautiful.

Oh, do you now?

Well, I tell you it's a rare opal,

birthstone of October.

October? It look like the whole 12 months.

Yeah, Ernie, you look just fine, man.

Now what kind of work you doing now anyhow?

I'm in public relations.

What's public relations?

Well, that's when you relate to the public, Michael.

Like when them big oil companies raised their prices

and the public got angry,

so they had to spend a lot of extra money on public relations

to smooth things over.

Where'd they get the extra money?

They raised the prices again.

That's all part of the game.

See, I represent all kinds of clients, companies, people--

it's my job to help their image, you know?

How much would you charge for J.J.?

You got some nerve!

I don't want to hear--!

Ernie, you're going to have to forgive them,

this is just brotherly and sisterly love.

Yeah. J.J.

Yeah. Thelma.

You got a wife now, kids?

No, no, I'm not the marrying kind.

Besides, my business keeps me traveling too much.

Oh?

Oh hey, say listen, I'm sorry,

I hate to eat and run, but I got a busy day tomorrow,

I got a lot of clients to check in

and I've got to check into a hotel.

It's very nice meeting all of you, and Florida, ooh,

that ham, oh, it was delicious.

Hey, look here Ernie, I know you can afford to check

into any fancy hotel in town, man,

but we'd sure appreciate it if you'd stay with us,

wouldn't we baby?

Oh, you'd be more than welcome.

I wouldn't want to put you to that trouble.

Trouble?

After what your folks did for me and my family?

Wait a minute, man, I want to show you something.

I bet you ain't never seen these before.

When we got married your folks gave them to me

and Florida as a wedding gift.

It's the only silver we ever owned,

and we are so proud of it that we only use it

for special occasions.

Yeah, like Thanksgiving, Christmas

and O.J. Simpson's birthday.

Well, now you can see how we feel about you

wanting to stay with us, Ernie.

Yeah, well I appreciate it, brother,

but I'd be inconveniencing you.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Listen, one more sardine ain't gonna bust the can.

That's right, now Florida can move in with Thelma,

I can flop on the couch with the boys and you can take our room.

That's right, no trouble at all.

Well, you see, I am messing you up.

No you ain't, man. Yes, you are!

Did you say something, Junior?

What I said was, "Welcome to our bed, Dad."

That's what I thought you said.

Old Duckfoot...

I thought you two would never stop telling stories.

Well, it was a lot to remember, baby.

Boy, that Ernie's something else, ain't he?

I bet you his folks sure would be proud of him

if they could see him now.

James, I just thought of something.

You know this is the first time since we were married

we won't be sleeping together in the same bed?

Hey, you right.

Look here, I got an idea.

Why don't we take Ernie's bag and check into a motel tonight?

Easy, lover boy, you know what they say,

absence make the heart grow fonder.

Yeah?

Well, I don't need no absence, I'm feeling fine right now.

Well, I don't want you to start me feeling fine too.

Goodnight, Ms. Evans.

Goodnight, Mr. Evans.

Lord help me make it through the night.

Ernie, I thought you'd gone to bed.

Oh, I wish I could, but I've got to go out and meet a client.

This time of night?

Well, that's public relations for you,

you know, you got to keep working at it night and day.

Well, good night.

Hey Ernie? Yeah?

You better take this key with you man,

since you gonna be coming in late.

Thanks, man, I didn't even think about that.

I'll see you all in the morning.

This is an awful strange time to be doing business.

Well, you know, he's a big executive, baby.

Them big executives don't be punching no time clocks.

I bet you President Ford and his Economic Commission

meet late at night all the time.

Yeah, that's so nobody else hear them crying.

Good night, James.

Goodnight, baby.

Night.

Michael, what is keeping your brother

in that bathroom so long?

He's looking in the mirror.

He hates to say goodbye to himself.

Junior, bring your narrow butt out here and come on to bed.

Well, Dad, look like you all set for tonight,

because you're sharing the sack with Kid Dyn-o-mite!

Junior, are you going to ever go to bed just one time

without wearing that dumb hat?

Can't do it, Dad.

Just in case I go sleepwalking one night

and meet some groovy chick,

I want something to tip to her.

Dad, do you mind moving over,

I'm used to sleeping on the left hand side.

All right, over and under, son.

Hey, do I have to sleep in the middle?

I'm liable to get stabbed to death

with J.J.'s bony elbow.

I'll sleep in the middle. Over and under, come on.

Hey now,

hold on now, now this ain't gonna work.

I'm used to sleeping next to Michael.

All right, Junior, shift.

All right.

Hey, wait a minute, now I'm in the middle.

You gonna stay there too.

See, we running the wishbone formation,

and tonight you the bone.

Hey, Dad, ain't you gonna say your prayers?

Junior, if I had said my prayers,

I swear you wouldn't be here right now.

Goodnight, Daddy.

Goodnight, son. Goodnight, Junior.

Goodnight, Dad. Goodnight, Michael.

Goodnight, J.J.

Goodnight, John Boy.

All right now.

Now you go to sleep or I'm gonna put you to sleep!

You act a fool sometime boy.

Get your elbow out of my back.

I don't want no more horsing around in here.

I'm gonna say this one time

and I ain't gonna say it no more,

I don't want to hear another sound in here

except my own snoring.

Now good night.

Goodnight, Michael. Goodnight, J.J.

Don't you all start that mess again, hear?

I mean that.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Now who could that be this time of night?

It's probably Ned the Wino,

got lost on the way to his apartment.

Get up and see if you can push him

in the right direction, Junior.

Excuse me!

You're excused.

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Come on out here!

What the hell, don't nobody hold my son except me!

Now get your hands off him!

Now what y'all want here?

We're looking for Ernie Harris.

What y'all want with Ernie Harris.

Some friends of ours in Cleveland

would like us to get in touch with him.

You see, Ernie rolls cold dice.

He got into them for five thou and split.

And we are sort of a collection agency.

Uh, you all mind putting away the collection plate?

We hear that Ernie might be in this neighborhood.

Oh, no, man, Ernie ain't been around here,

somebody must have gave you all a bum steer.

Oh you don't have to worry about Ernie,

he could pay you all back easy.

He's a big time public relations man.

You ought to see that ring he's got on...

Junior, shut up!

Man, why did you have to lie?

Well, fine thing, James,

you having this pajama party and you didn't even invite me!

All right, man, I'll level with you.

Now Ernie come by here earlier today, he said hello, goodbye

and he went on his way.

And besides, what would he want to hang around here for?

Yeah.

If that's your story, we won't hassle you, man.

Look, if you happen to see Ernie Harris,

you tell him if he don't come up with the cash

the big public relations man is gonna have

a nice private funeral.

Well, they didn't invite you to the party either, huh?

Now what does that tell you? Huh, huh?

Just when I was starting to feel real good about Ernie too.

Damn, those were about two evil looking dudes,

wasn't they, Junior?

Yeah, I tell you Ernie ain't exactly

in the friendly hands of Allstate.

When we go back in the house

don't you breathe a word of this to nobody.

I don't want the family getting upset about this mess.

You don't have to worry about me, Dad.

I'm frightened enough for everybody.

Come on.

Hey, Patches, what are you still doing up?

I thought we might have us a little talk this morning, Ernie.

Oh man, couldn't it wait? It's almost 4:00 in the morning.

Oh you must have got really wiped out, huh?

I see you done even lost your ring.

How you managed to do that,

trying to make an eight the hard way?

It was a six.

All right, all right,

so I was playing a little friendly game of craps,

what's wrong with that?

Nothing, except that you had two unfriendly callers tonight,

something about you leaving

a bookie in Cleveland holding $5,000.

Oh that, that, well yeah,

you know I'll take care of that, it's my problem.

Uh-uh. It's my problem now, Ernie.

See, I've got a family,

I can't have no hoodlums coming to my door.

You didn't just happen to drop into the neighborhood,

you was looking to use my place as a hideout.

Oh, come on, Patches now, man.

Listen, I had to hide out here.

Man, they were getting close.

And besides, our family were friends.

Well, man, now you know I love your mother and father, man,

but I can't have this.

Now you get yourself some rest

and you clear out of here first thing in the morning.

Okay.

And I'll tell you something,

you better be stepping fast, brother.

Them cats said if they catch up with you,

you gonna be polluting Lake Michigan.

They ain't gonna kill me for no five Gs.

Ten yeah, but for five they just break your arm.

Yeah, I know. This one never did set right.

Lord, have mercy.

I'm gonna be going shopping this morning,

I wonder what Ernie would like for dinner.

Ernie ain't gonna be staying for dinner, baby,

soon as he gets up he gonna be leaving town.

I thought he was gonna be here for a few days,

didn't you say...

Now, Florida, I spoke to him late last night and he said

something came up and he got to leave town.

Yeah, for his health.

His health?

He looks the picture of health to me.

Yeah, but he don't want no holes in the picture.

What are you talking about, J.J.?

Oh nothing, he ain't talking about nothing.

You know something, Junior,

your mouth starts working early,

but I swear your brain don't start until 10:00.

Then it goes right back to sleep a minute later.

You got some nerve going--!

All right, now that is enough!

I'm sick and tired of these cat and dog fights!

James, why are you so upset? What's wrong?

Nothing, baby, nothing.

Well, you sure make it sound like something.

Look, Florida, quit barking at me now, I said nothing!

Well, then you stop yelling!

Boy, do they get in bad moods

when they don't sleep together.

Now how would you like some strap with that oatmeal?

Now everybody just quit talking

and let's have some quiet and eat, stop all this yapping.

Morning everybody!

Speaking of yapping, here come the head yapper.

Can't you two ever have a pleasant hello for one another?

I'm willing.

Hello, James.

Hello, Willona.

Can I have the envelope,

I want to see which one of us just won the Academy Award.

Would you like some coffee, Willona?

No thanks, honey, I came over to ask to borrow something.

That figures.

Willona, what is it you want to borrow?

I'm giving a special dinner party for my boss

and his wife tonight.

Oh.

And I want everything to look just fine,

so could I borrow your silver salt and pepper shakers?

Oh, sure.

Oh, Flo, that's wonderful. It'll be the perfect touch.

I have a linen tablecloth with matching napkins,

elegant candlesticks, crystal cut glasses

and a bowl of flowers for the center.

Oh, that sounds fancy!

What you serving?

Pizza.

Pizza?

Yeah, I thought it was classier than chicken delight.

Well, serve them a lot of wine beforehand

and then they'll like anything you serve them.

Okay.

Willona, whatever you do, guard this with your life.

Don't worry, honey.

Oh, and you don't need to bother about polishing,

I already did that, see?

Oh, no. Florida!

What's the matter, Ma? What is it?

They're gone!

What you mean they're gone?

They're not here James, I don't understand.

I understand it, we've been ripped off.

Could you have misplaced them anywhere?

No, no, no, I always kept them right here in this box.

Oh, baby, I feel so sorry about this.

Look, I'll go down and see if I can find a policeman.

This might be one of their visiting days

in the neighborhood.

Oh, James, this is the only valuable thing we ever owned.

Oh, Ma, don't feel bad, maybe it'll turn up.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Good morning.

Good morning.

Well listen, I hate to just run off like this,

but I gotta catch an early plane.

You mean an early pawnshop, don't you?

James, what are you saying?

Ernie, them silver salt and pepper shakers

I showed you yesterday,

you didn't happen to find them around here nowhere, did you?

No, no, of course not.

Well, I've got to get moving, that plane.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute, James...

James, what are you doing? I know what I'm doing.

Come in here eating my ham, sleep in my bed.

Oh, no!

Yeah, and then steal from me.

Yeah, baby, he was gonna hock them.

A successful businessman like you?

I don't understand that, Ernie.

Yeah? Well, baby, it seems like our successful businessman

ain't nothing but a gambler. Translation: loser.

Ernie, I knew you were sick, man,

but I didn't think you'd stoop to stealing.

Oh come on, man, I wasn't stealing them, I was just,

uh, I was just borrowing them.

No, I could get at least $10 for them.

Hey listen, I got a sure thing running in the fourth

at Arlington, it's going to pay at least eight to one.

I'll tell you what, I'll take that money,

I'll put it on his nose, and when it comes in,

I can parlay it. That way I can get into that crap game!

Oh come on, man, I know I can do it, I did it before!

Listen, you know what I did one time?

I took $5 and ran it into 20,000.

Yeah, how long it take you to lose it back?

Half hour.

James is right, you are sick.

You don't have to gamble.

If you need a quick buck, have you ever considered

going on Let's Make a Deal?

Honey, I don't know what kind of trouble you're in,

but it seems to me that it's no different

than being hooked on alcohol or drugs.

Now you need help and there are places that can do it

like...um, Gamblers Anonymous.

I don't need help, because I don't have a gambling problem.

I'm as normal as any one of you.

Yeah, and would you knock it off with this lecturing?

I mean I got enough of that from my wife.

I thought you said you weren't married?

Well, yeah, I got a wife and two kids, and she took them

and left because she didn't understand me either.

Ernie, that store you said you sold, you didn't sell it,

you lost it gambling, didn't you?

Oh, man, I just had a bad streak,

that can happen to anybody.

Yeah, you're right.

I tell you what, you want them,

go ahead and take them.

James!

No, no, no, it's all right, it's all right, baby.

Now you can see how much they mean to us,

but if gambling means that much to you, man,

go ahead and take them, hock them, pawn them, bet them

on the ponies, anything you want.

But you can be damn sure of one thing,

if you do walk out of here with them, you're sick!

I ain't sick.

No?

Then stroll on out the door without them, Ernie.

Well, I'll get them back to you, with interest.

Kids, I'm sorry you all had to see that,

but then again maybe it's a good thing you did.

Maybe you all learned something about gambling from it.

I know I did.

Two to one I'll never place a bet in my life.

* Just lookin' Out of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **