Original subtitles

* Good times Any time you meet a payment *

* Good times Any time you need a friend *

* Good times *

* Any time you're Out from under *

* Not gettin' hassled Not gettin' hustled *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave when you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

* Easy credit rip-offs Good times *

* Scratchin' and survivin' Good times *

* Hangin' in a chow line Good times *

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **

Has anybody seen my pincushion?

Oh yeah, I hope you don't mind, Ma,

I used it as part of a still life

of a bowl of fruit I was painting.

J.J., you used my pincushion in a bowl of fruit?

Yeah, Ma, that's true ghetto artistry,

you use what you've got.

I used your pincushion as the apple,

Dad's socks as the avocado,

Michael's basketball as the pumpkin

and Thelma's face as the lemon.

Just bend a little and you could throw your body in as a banana.

You got some nerve, you Chiquita banana!

All right now, will you two knock it off, please?

I'm trying to figure out these bills.

What kind of shape we in financially this month, James?

Well, we ain't in a position to challenge in the Rockefellers,

but we ain't headed for the poorhouse either, baby.

For once we are in the black.

What do you mean for once?

Everything paid for, James?

Everything, baby: Rent, utilities and luxuries.

Daddy, you forgot to mention food.

These days that comes under luxuries.

Family, say hello to George Washington 35 times.

Hello, George. Hello, George.

You know I never realized how handsome old George is.

Ma, it's his wooden teeth, he uses Crest

and he has 24 percent fewer termites.

You know baby it sure seems strange having money left over

at the end of the month.

You children are responsible for that, you know?

Your part-time jobs helped to put us ahead.

That's never happened to this family before.

What are we going to do with the extra $35 James?

I don't know, whatever we do we better spend it today,

because tomorrow it ain't going to be worth but $22.50.

Hey baby, why don't you take the money

and buy something for yourself-- something silly, you deserve it.

Hey, I just had a better thought of what to do with that money.

Huh?

I'd like for Thelma to take

singing lessons with Gertie Vincent.

You really mean it?

Aw, Ma, now Dad said do something silly, not insane.

Now J.J.,

your sister has a very pretty voice

and I think she ought to have a chance to develop it.

Ma, I can really have voice lessons?

I think so, right James?

Yeah baby, matter of fact,

you can call Gertie right now and make the arrangements.

Oh, I will.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Oh, you're welcome, baby girl.

Singing, that's...

Give me the basketball,

I'm going outside to shoot some, man.

Okay, make sure nobody rips it off,

my next painting is going to be a cantaloupe.

Okay.

Thanks, later everybody.

All right,

you know if we have a surplus after Thelma's singing lessons,

why don't we invest it in something smart

like an earplug factory?

There's going to be a big demand around here.

I guess she ain't home.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'll get it, Ma. Okay, sweetheart.

And the same to you, jive turkey!

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hi, Thelma. That old meathead janitor--

I put a quarter in the washing machine this morning,

it didn't work and I started some kicking.

When I put a quarter in and it don't work,

I kick that machine myself.

I didn't kick the machine, I kicked the janitor.

Boy, Gertie, you are something else.

Hey, I was just calling you!

Well, good then I saved you a toll call.

Gertie, you live right upstairs, you ain't no toll call.

Oh yes, I am.

You know what they say about old Gertie Vincent:

She is far out.

Oh, Gertie, I just love your sense of humor.

You've got to have a sense of humor at my age.

The way I see it, you come into this world,

the first thing that happens is you get a slap on your behind

from your doctor, and the slaps, punches and kicks

don't stop until they put you in a pine box.

So I'm gonna laugh all I can before I'm boxed.

I hope I get a nice-looking box boy.

That's a beautiful philosophy, Mrs. Vincent.

That's Ms. Vincent, Thelma, Ms. Vincent.

I'm returning your cake pan.

Okay Gertie.

Florida, that chocolate cake was out of sight.

Why thank you.

Reminded me of my late husband--

Sweet, black and satisfying.

I'm prattling on so, I forgot to ask you, Florida,

what were you calling me about?

We were thinking about asking you

to give Thelma voice lessons.

Oh, I don't think that's going to be possible.

Good move, Gertie,

you just saved yourself from a terminal earache.

One more crack out of you about your sister singing

and you gonna have a terminal butt ache.

Sit down!

Gertie, we're ready to pay money.

I know James, and I know that Thelma has a lovely voice,

but I'm giving up teaching.

No more lessons to anyone, I'm retiring.

Retiring? You, Gertie?

I thought you lived for your singing.

I do and I enjoy it,

but it's getting to be so much of a hassle.

But what will you do if you retire?

Oh, lots of things like racing muggers to the bus.

Sitting in the park with my women friends

watching our sup hose wrinkle.

Well, I'll see you all.

Oh, Thelma, I'm sorry,

I would have loved to work with you.

Thanks again for the cake Florida.

Oh, you're welcome, Gertie.

Bye, Ms. Vincent.

Well, now that we've all regained our senses,

why don't we do something smart with this surplus money

like send me to art school in Paris.

Junior, the only way we could send you to Paris for $35

would be to mail you there.

You won't have any trouble slipping him through the slot.

Of course, he'll probably wind up

in the deadhead letter office.

You've got some nerve talking about deadhead...

That's enough!

Hmph.

You know I just can't get over

Gertie deciding all of the sudden to retire.

An active woman like that?

Yeah, she always struck me as being like Willona's mouth--

Running all the time.

She said she loved teaching and being around young people.

Said it kept her young.

Well, she's 67 years old, she's entitled to retire.

It's strange though, she's such a lively old lady.

Yeah, but Thelma, what's she going to retire to?

Maybe she found herself a lively old man.

Hi, y'all.

Hi, Willona.

I just came by to show you the new clothes at the boutique.

They sell those?

Every chance we get.

It looks like something from Goodwill has been rejected

by the Salvation Army.

Well, the boutique is keeping up with the times.

This is the latest line of fashion

called the recession rags.

Is madam going to the unemployment office

this morning?

Well if so, she should wear these new blue jeans

with the ragged cuffs, patches there and patches there.

After five at the bread line we suggest the same attire,

but with this funky blouse-- Hey!

Willona, how much is that blouse?

Almost as much as a loaf of bread: $25.

Well, I ain't rich enough to look that poor.

I'm a hit!

Well that concludes the fashion show,

now on for the gossip of the day.

Here it comes, the Rona Barrett of the projects

with the 5:00 news.

We got some 5:00 news for you, Willona.

What?

Gertie Vincent just left here,

and would you believe it, she is retiring.

She ain't giving singing lessons no more.

That's just the headlines-- I got the inside story.

Didn't you hear about the trouble she's having?

Come on over here.

I've got all of the information from a friend down

at the Social Security office.

What kind of trouble?

She gets $200 a month Social Security,

which is not enough to live on.

That's why she's been giving the singing lessons,

to get a little extra money.

But do you know that every extra two dollars she makes

giving a singing lesson,

they take away a dollar from her Social Security check?

What kind of a deal is that?

It's a new dance they invented

called the Washington, D.C. Boogie.

See, every time you take two steps ahead they drag you back.

So that's why Gertie decided to retire--

it just doesn't pay her to give singing lessons anymore.

You know it. Flo, they got her stuck right in the middle.

People work hard all their lives to qualify for Social Security,

and then when they get it,

it ain't enough to make them feel secure,

and it sure ain't enough to make them get social on.

Well, it just goes to show you,

no matter how bad off you think you are,

there's somebody hurting worse.

I just got an extra nickel, Mrs. Vincent gave it to me

for carrying down her garbage.

Oh, Michael, you shouldn't have taken money from Ms. Vincent,

that poor woman don't know where her next meal is coming from.

If things are that bad, Mama, why'd she buy a dog?

Michael, Ms. Vincent ain't got no dog.

Then how come her garbage was loaded with empty dog food cans?

Gertie's garbage loaded with empty dog food cans?

Yeah, Mama.

Oh, no.

It's hard to believe.

That means that Gertie is down to eating pet food.

Oh, that's awful.

It's a crying shame.

It sure is.

It can't be that bad.

Lassie ain't never been sick a day in her life.

I don't know, folks, I don't know what I'm saying.

I mean I'm so shook up.

I know what J.J. means,

I feel it down in the pit of my stomach.

Oh James, we've just got to do something for that poor woman.

What about a protest?

That's a great idea, Michael, but who do we picket?

How about the American Kennel Club?

Why don't you think before you open your mouth, J.J.?

Well, I'm going home before I burst out crying.

James, you and Flo come up with any ideas to help Gertie,

count me in, okay?

All right.

I just hope this doesn't happen to me when I'm 65.

What am I worried about, that's at least 40 years off!

It's a sin that in the richest country in the world

anyone has to be eating pet food.

Well, the least we can do

is invite her over to dinner tonight.

Yeah.

Feeding one more person

sure ain't going to send none of us to bed hungry.

That's right.

Wow, Ma, that's a pretty big chicken you're cooking.

We're having chicken for dinner?

Then we'll have no problem having one more guest,

because Ma is the number one chicken mathematician

in the whole ghetto.

Make a chicken last for three days.

Hold on now, J.J.,

I'm pretty good at making meals go a long ways,

but three days, well now that's kind of stretching things.

Oh, Ma, it's just that you haven't kept track

of your mathematical wizardry.

Day number one you slosh the bird around

in some boiling hot water, we got chicken soup.

Day number two is the teaser,

you take the wings, the thigh and the neck

and you got something so yummy it tickles the tummy.

Day number three

you've got the legs, the thigh and the breast

and you got something so light we call it Chicken Dy-no-mite!

Well, your mama's going to have to be some kind of magician

to get Gertie over here for dinner.

How so baby? Just tell her we're having chicken

and she'll come on over here.

We done had her over here for dinner before.

Yeah, once or twice a month, but you got to remember,

we just had her over to dinner day before yesterday.

Now if we invite her back again so soon

she's bound to get suspicious, she's a proud woman.

Yeah I know that, but we just gotta figure out

some way to have her over here for dinner, that's all.

Yeah.

Thelma, you and J.J. set the table.

Okay, Ma, you want me to set a place for Mrs. Vincent too?

Of course, Thelma.

Will you move?

What's all this violence?

Florida, have you figured out some way to get her over here?

I don't know.

Hey, maybe we can convince her it's a special occasion,

a reason to celebrate.

Why can't you just say, "Mrs. Vincent,

we heard you're having a hard time

and we'd like to share our chicken with you."

That would be telling her the truth.

That's right, Michael,

but I'm not so sure it's quite the diplomatic thing to do.

Diplomatic?

Yeah, son, that's a word that's used mostly

by people in government.

See, when they want you to vote for something,

but they know if they was to tell you directly

what it is they want, you wouldn't vote for it.

So they tell you something else

and then you end up voting for it.

That's diplomacy. That's lying.

That's the same thing.

Mama, are you going to use diplomacy

to get Mrs. Vincent over here to eat?

Well, Michael, there's only one way to act

and that's deal straight from the shoulder.

That's Ma, tell it like it is.

There's no sense in beating around the bush.

I'll just call her up and say--

Hello, Gertie? Florida.

Look, we're having a little celebration,

it's J.J.'s birthday.

Yes, and we'd like for you to come over to dinner tonight.

Oh, we really would like for you to come.

Good, then come right over,

we're just getting ready to sit down.

Straight from the shoulder, huh, baby?

So I'm a lousy diplomat.

Naw, baby, you're great.

I tell you, I'd rather have you doing the cooking

than Henry Kissinger.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Hey.

You wouldn't do that to Henry Kissinger.

Henry ain't got what you got.

Hey, that beats pet food any day.

You know, Ma, I read somewhere

that almost one-third of the dog and cat food

produced is being eaten by people.

Well the way things are now, honey, I believe it.

[KNOCKING]

Oh, that's Gertie.

MICHAEL: I'll get it.

Now listen, children,

I want you all to behave as normal as you ever do.

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hey, Gertie, come right on in, have a seat,

we just getting ready to sit down and eat.

Oh, thank you James, it's so nice of you all to have me over.

Oh, Gertie, you didn't need to bring dessert,

we got a full meal.

Oh, this is not dessert, this is the main course.

I'm a pretty good cook, you know,

and this is my specialty, meatloaf.

Meatloaf?

Oh, yes I'm so proud of what I do with it.

You know folks eat my meatloaf and leave the table raving.

Maybe they got hydrophobia.

Oh, Gertie, that was awfully sweet of you,

but I've already made chicken.

Now, Florida, you listen,

you've had me over as a guest dozens of times.

Please allow me to do something in return.

No, no, no, you're our guest.

I'm an old woman and a stubborn one,

if you don't allow my meatloaf to be the main course,

I won't stay.

Bye.

Gertie, chicken and meatloaf, that's too much.

Well, we'll just remove the chicken

and my meatloaf will be just perfect for J.J.'s birthday.

I'm gonna still be chicken about eating that meatloaf.

Instead of chasing foxes I'm gonna be chasing cats.

And here we are.

Well sit down everybody, sit down.

Have a seat, Gertie. Thank you James.

Oh, Florida everything looks so lovely.

Thank you. Almost everything.

Now, James, as head of the family

you get the first piece.

Thank you, Gertie.

Junior, since you the birthday boy,

you get first crack at it.

Ladies first! Thelma.

Michael, you need this to grow on.

Mamas before kids.

Husbands before wives.

James, you're acting

almost as though you didn't want to eat my meatloaf.

That ain't no act, Gertie.

I'm happy to eat your meatloaf, but...

Hi, am I intruding?

Oh, no, Willona.

You're just in time, come on in.

Come on in, we just getting ready to eat.

Come on Willona, tell us all of the gossip.

Yeah, everything. Yeah, for a couple of hours.

How you doing Gertie?

Hi, Willona.

What about dinner?

Well, that's what I came over here for.

You did?

I burned my own dinner so bad

that my stove looks like a towering inferno.

So I figured I'd come over here and take a chance.

Well, this is the right place to take a chance.

Where do I sit?

ALL: Here!

Well, come on, now there's no need for anybody

to change their seat,

there's plenty of meatloaf for all of us.

Michael, baby, get yourself a chair.

Nuh-uh, Mama, I'm doing fine right here.

Mm-mm, do I love Florida's meatloaf.

This is not Florida's meatloaf tonight.

Oh?

I brought it down and made it myself.

Well, I've had second thoughts about dinner.

You know it's a sin to waste food even though it is burned.

Besides, the charcoal is good for my teeth, keep them white.

Boneappetite, y'all.

James, let's get started.

Right, but you know me, you know,

we ain't said grace yet,

and I wouldn't think of taking a mouthful of food

without saying grace, Gertie.

But Dad, you never say grace, not you.

I mean that--

You are the religious leader of this house, you are.

J.J., why don't you say grace?

And don't be too long about it, J.J.,

when my meatloaf gets cold, it loses some of its bite.

The Lord is my German Shepherd and...

So that's what's been going on?

Do you think that I would give my friends pet food?

Gertie if you enjoy it there's no reason why...

Come on everybody let's eat the...meatloaf.

Florida, that is ground round.

What kind of a person do you think I am?

Gertie, we heard that you...

Because I couldn't afford better,

that sometimes I eat pet food?

Well, I do.

But that doesn't mean that I would try

to fool my friends with it.

That is real meatloaf, believe me.

I should have known better.

I'm sorry, can you forgive us?

Of course.

Well, in that case, let me quote the late great Rin Tin Tin,

"Let's eat!"

You know, maybe there's a lesson in all of this for me too.

You people have been so busy trying to help me,

and I haven't done a thing to try to help myself.

Well, now I'm going to.

Well what you gonna do, Gertie?

I'm gonna stop feeling sorry for myself

because I've been caught between a rock and a hard place.

FLORIDA: All right.

I have spent years earning my Social Security, and I want it.

And I'm not going to say that this old bag of bones

is going to be retired.

And Thelma, if you still want them lessons, I'm available.

I do, but what about your Social Security?

I'm gonna fight for it.

Good.

There are a lot of old folks around in the same boat I'm in.

The only trouble is they don't get together,

they stay in their private miseries.

Well, I'm gonna get them together.

Amen! Good for you, Gertie.

And together we count for a lot of votes.

We've not only got black power, we've got Medicare power.

Hey, now that's the old Gertie I know talking.

Yeah!

Come on now, let's enjoy this meal.

And if you want any more meatloaf, just howl.

Oooww!

* Just lookin' out Of the window *

* Just lookin' out Of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinkin' how It all looks hand-me-down *

* Good times Good times *

* Keepin' your head Above water *

* Makin' a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs Good times *

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky we got 'em *

* Good times **