Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: From Television City in Hollywood:

* Good Times *

* Any time you meet A payment *

* Good Times *

* Any time you meet A friend *

* Good Times *

* Any time you're Out from under *

* Not getting hassled, Not getting hustled *

* Keeping your head Above water *

* Making a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good Times *

* Easy credit rip-offs *

* Good Times *

* Scratching and surviving *

* Good Times *

* Hanging in a chow line *

* Good Times *

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good Times *

Hey, Daddy, listen to this.

Not now, Michael.

I got a big stack of bills to get through.

Oh, let's see, I'll pay this one,

stall this one,

have to argue about this one,

and this one I'm gonna put in the funny papers.

Lord, would you look at this electric bill?

This is ridiculous.

Has the gas bill gone up too, Daddy?

Oh, not too bad.

At least if you can't afford to pay the electric bill,

you can still put your head in the oven.

I think all the poor people ought to get together

and send letters of protest to Washington.

No way, son.

They stopped us from doing that by raising the price of stamps.

If things are getting rough, Daddy,

maybe I can get a part-time job after school.

So could I.

Oh, no. You guys just concentrate on your education.

I'll take care of this family.

But thanks anyway, 'cause I appreciate the thought.

You know, me and your mama's still pretty lucky.

We're lucky too, Dad.

Yeah, we got ourselves some wonderful kids.

Hey, Dad, I could use $18.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

What you need $18 for?

A set of barbells! Barbells?

Yeah, when I go to the beach this summer,

I want to drive the girls crazy

with my massive body.

I don't know what you want with barbells.

With that skinny body and that big head

and those big feet, you look like a barbell.

Go ahead, make fun of me, y'all.

But if I get those barbells,

I may get me a job as a lifeguard.

And if I like it,

I may even learn how to swim.

Stop bumping your gums, will ya?

I got enough problems.

Hey, who made a toll call to Oak Park?

Not me!

I got to go to the bathroom.

Junior, did you make a toll call?

Well, Dad, see, what happened is that I met this classy chick,

and when I called her, I couldn't reverse the charges.

Otherwise, she would have thought I was cheap.

I told her I was the head of Motown.

I didn't lie, 'cause actually what I told her

was that I was the head of No Town.

Junior, I got a fat phone bill here

that's a result of your playing Casanova.

Now the next time you make a toll call,

you and me gonna go to knuckle junction.

The boss of No Town.

Willona, have I got something to tell you.

The most exciting thing happened at the supermarket.

I still can't believe it.

Let me guess.

They got in some fresh meat by mistake?

No, I was standing in the vegetable section,

you know, thumping melons and squeezing lettuce

and squishing squash,

when this man walked over to me,

tapped me on my shoulder,

and said he was from an advertising agency

that does TV commercials.

You're jiving. No!

He said he needed an honest face

to try to sell their new product.

A TV commercial?

Ooh! What you say!

Rodney Allen Rippy, eat your little heart out!

Hold on.

Oh, Florida, that's outta sight.

The only trouble is when you're watching television,

you won't be able to run to the john

during the commercial, 'cause it might be you.

Take it easy now. It's nothing definite yet.

He said he had to look at some other faces

before he decided.

Then how can you lose?

If he's looking for an honest face,

he's not gonna find a more honest face than yours.

Oh, Willona.

I mean it. You got the perfect face.

You got the kind of face they look for in commercials now.

You got that nice plain, ordinary, everyday face.

Thanks, Willona.

I mean it. They could look for a month

and not find a plainer face than yours.

Florida Evans, you got it made in the shade,

Miss TV Star.

Oh, that'll be the day

when they have Florida Evans on television.

I got to go.

Well, I still say they gonna pick you,

'cause when it comes to a plain, ordinary face--

Willona, I heard you the first five times.

What I mean is, Florida,

they couldn't have found a more beautiful one.

Hi, folks.

Hey, Ma, let me help you.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Well, baby, you sure was gone a long time.

James, I bet you can't guess why.

Why?

The most exciting thing happened!

I was standing in the supermarket,

just standing there and looking at the squash,

and a man asked me to do a TV commercial.

What? You gonna do a TV commercial?

You, Mama?

And why not?

This man was watching me

while I was walking around at the market,

and he decided he liked what he saw.

You ain't doing no brassiere commercial.

James.

Ain't no wife of mine

advertising nothing below the neck.

I'm sure he won't be calling me.

But anyway, he gave me his card

and told me he'd get in touch with me if he needed me.

A card? Let me see it.

I'm an expert on cards, Mama.

Here it is.

Hey, look at that fancy gold lettering.

Well, fancy or not, let's not count our chickens.

I ain't got that job yet.

But, Mama, you said the man was interested in you,

and they pay big for commercials, Ma.

I'll bet you'll get at least $100.

One hundred dollars?

Mmm-mmm!

Yeah, they'll probably put Mama in some long evening gown,

stick her on top of a mountain

with the wind blowing through her hair.

Picks up a bottle of ketchup

and smacks her lips.

And says, "Mmm, dat's good!"

"Dat's good"?

It's a commercial. She can't say, "dat's bad."

Mama's not going to speak bad English

when she goes on television.

Right, Ma? Dat's right.

Ma, please!

Thelma, how you know they don't want Mama to speak street talk?

Why you think they picked a black woman anyway?

I don't care why they picked her, JJ.

All I know is my mother is not going to speak--

Thelma, baby, don't worry about it.

If they let me go on television,

ain't no way I'm gonna use anything else but good English.

That's right, baby. Your mother's a proud black woman.

If they ask her to say, "Dat's right,"

she'd take that bottle of ketchup and throw it

off that mountain right into da ribber.

I don't like to hear that, Dad.

If JJ says it again,

I'm gonna throw him in da ribber.

Oh, Thelma baby, we're just teasing.

Now you all got me on television advertising ketchup

when I don't even know the product is,

and the man ain't even called yet.

He'll call, Mama.

And when you get paid,

I could use $18 for a set of barbells.

There he goes again--

"Skinny Sam, the Gimme Man."

What barbells?

Mama, summer's coming on. I need muscles.

When I put on a T-shirt this summer,

I just don't want to look like a T.

Now listen, all y'all.

If your mother gets some money, it's all hers.

And, baby, you can spend it any way you like--

gas bills, phone bills, anything at all.

Thanks, James.

Now why don't we all get our heads out of the cloud?

I'm still a mother with a family,

and I'm late getting dinner started.

Mama, did the man say when he was gonna call you?

Well, he said he'll call by 4:00

if they was gonna use me.

It's ten after now. Ten after?

Well, I guess won't become the Mrs. Olsen

of the projects.

You know, baby, it's all for the best.

You start off doing TV commercials,

the next thing you know, you'll be putting your footprints

in the cement at Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

While you're doing that, I'll be in the back

of the crowd walking your French poodles.

Oh, James!

Ain't no way in the world for me to embarrass you

by asking you to walk my French poodles.

I'll let the chauffeur do that.

Thank you.

You'll have to stay at home

and babysit with my Siamese cats!

You crazy!

Hey, that'd be groovy,

being the son of a famous movie star.

I'd have my own Cadillac to drive down

and get my food stamps.

I don't think that's funny, JJ,

'cause if the man had called,

Mama would have had a golden opportunity.

Dat's right.

You ought to learn how to speak English.

That's enough of that. I want you to stop arguing.

[EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

Answer the phone, baby!

Uh-uh, James.

[RING]

Hello.

Yes, this is the Evans' household.

Mrs. Evans?

Sure, just one moment, please.

Baby, it's him!

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Moore.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yes, I'll be home this evening.

Mm-hm.

How much did you say?

Oh, my. Yes.

Good-bye, Mr. Moore.

Mama, what did he say?

Somebody get me a glass of water.

Junior, get your mother a glass of water!

Come on, baby, sit down.

Tell me, what did he say? What happened?

Well... he said I got the job!

He said I'll be selling a new product called Vita Brite,

and it's a health tonic, and they're going to send over

the script with what I have to say.

And then, James, he said something

I don't think I heard right. What?

About how much they was gonna pay me.

They said something about repeats

and reruns and re-something-or-other.

And then he said I could make as much as...

$5,000!

Whoo! All right!

Five thousand dollars?

JAMES: Have mercy!

That's more than the president of No Town makes!

I can't believe it! Junior, give me that water.

Water? For a big star like Mama?

She ain't drinking nothing but the best from now on--

Kool-Aid!

Five thousand dollars?

[GIGGLING]

[GASPING FOR BREATH] H-Hi, folks.

This is Florida Evans, and I...

Oh, I won't be able to do that! I just know I won't!

Oh, Mama, listen to me!

I've been going to the Community Workshop Theater,

and I can teach you all there is to know about acting.

Just follow my directions.

Thelma, don't try and change your mama, hear?

The commercial man said he wanted what she was,

and what she was is what he's gonna get.

And believe me, that's mighty good.

I know that, Dad, but it won't hurt

for her to speak like a real TV commercial announcer.

Now, Ma, here's a great diction exercise.

Just do what I do and repeat after me, okay?

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Come on, Ma.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[WITH EXAGGERATED ENUNCIATION] The br-own cow

has speck-led spots.

Come on, Mom, now you can do it.

Right from the diaphragm. Come on.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[WITH EXAGGERATED ENUNCIATION] The br-own cow...

[MOUTHING ALONG WITH FLORIDA]

...has speck-led spots.

That's all right! That's all right!

I think we owe it to the brothers

to make it the black cow.

Michael, it ain't gonna make no difference.

Brown cow or black cow,

the milk is still gonna come out white.

And the money we gonna make

is still gonna come out green.

Come on now, y'all, stop jiving while I'm rehearsing Mommy.

You're making her nervous.

I don't need no help in that department.

I'm already a wreck.

Oh, Mama.

Naw, besides, to be a TV star,

you got to be a real natural.

Now here's the way you should do this spot.

Hi, y'all out there in TV land.

This is Florida Evans,

star of stage, screen and the ghetto.

I'm here to tell you about Vita Brite health tonic.

My husband, James, used to have slow blood.

He would cut himself shaving on Monday

and wouldn't bleed until Thursday.

But now...

thanks to Vita Brite health tonic,

my blood is fast, fast, fast.

Now I bleed all the time.

Thank you, husband James,

for that unsolicited testimony

for which the grateful folks at Vita Brite

will send you an additional check for $1,000.

And remember...

Vita Brite is dy-no-mite!

Now, Mama, when you do the commercial,

you have to get into character.

So try and think of yourself

as an average housewife with three kids.

One of which needs a set of barbells

to be tall, tan and terrific.

And a hard-working husband.

Who could sure use the $5,000.

Boy, that's a lot of money, baby.

Who would've ever thought you'd be making that?

Well, now, James, wait a minute.

That $5,000 is put-away money.

That's for the children's education and our old age.

I only hit the jackpot once,

but you're the one that comes in with it every day.

Hey, I must be somebody special too, huh?

I've just been kissed by a lady that makes $5,000 a day.

Less $18 for a set of barbells.

JJ, don't you think of anyone but yourself?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Baby, that must be the man with the script.

This is it, Mama.

Time to do it, 'cause opportunity is knocking.

That's right.

Wait a minute, y'all.

Baby, it's the real thing. Now come on.

Package for Miss Florida Evans.

Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Do you use Vita Brite?

Day and night.

Damn, I'd hate to think what he looked like

before he was using it.

Oh, Ma, that must be the TV commercial.

Ooh.

This is your passport to stardom!

Hollywood, here she comes!

Here, Ma, read it.

And when you do, remember everything I taught you.

I'll try, honey,

but if they don't have nothing in here about speckled cows,

we in a lot of trouble.

Come on, Ma, read us the TV commercial,

and make believe you really on TV.

"Hi... hi there...

"I'm... I'm Florida Evans

"here to tell you about Vita Brite,

"America's wonderful new health tonic.

"Make it a daily habit.

"Stop at your favorite supermarket

and pick up a..."

Oh...

"Pick up a six-pack of health."

Come on, baby, you're doing great!

Yeah, you sound like you was

right here in the living room.

JJ, let Mama finish! Go ahead, Mama.

"I used to wake up listless

"and tired every morning.

And then my family doctor suggested that I try..."

What family doctor?

All we got is a bottle of iodine and three band-aids.

Baby, you sound real good. Keep going. Come on.

"I have been using Vita Brite

for three months and..."

James, I ain't been using this stuff for three minutes.

I ain't never even used it at all.

James, they got me telling lies.

Baby, it ain't lying.

It's called selling.

I don't care what you call it.

They hired me for an honest face,

and I ain't gonna give it a crooked mouth.

Mama, everybody knows that what you see on TV isn't for real.

You think Redd Foxx really makes his living from a junkyard?

Yeah, he's just playing the part of a man who owns a junkyard.

Yeah, like you're playing the part of a woman

who's been drinking Vita Brite for three months.

It ain't lying, Mama, it's acting.

You think Henry Fonda would lie?

What's he gotta do with it?

When you see him doing those floor wax commercials,

do you think he really waxes his own floors?

When his floors get dirty, he just buys a new house!

And how about those milk commercials?

How do we know Mark Spitz really drinks milk

to build strong teeth?

How do we know he even got strong teeth?

How do we even know he's even got teeth?

And Joe Namath is doing those pantyhose commercials now.

You think he really wears 'em?

Not in the locker room.

Baby, everybody knows that what you see on TV

ain't exactly real.

I mean, like that guy in the little boat

that goes sailing around the toilet.

I ain't never seen no yachtsman in our john.

And he's living dangerous.

One flush and he's buried at sea.

Mama, it's not like you're doing anything wrong.

All it is is a little white lie.

Thelma, when it comes to lying, I am color-blind.

They all look the same to me.

Now you kids are just making excuses

'cause you're excited about that $5,000.

Baby, there ain't nothing wrong with having $5,000 now.

You said yourself you wanted the money

for the kids' education.

Yeah, Ma, I want to be a lawyer.

And I want to become a great actress!

And I'm torn between a life as an artiste

and a great barbells man.

Look, kids, I want you to have all those things,

even the barbells,

but I don't want you going around saying:

"I owe it all to my mother the liar."

Baby, I ain't gonna try and talk you into nothing

that's gonna make you go against your principles.

But, Florida, $5,000 is a lot of money.

And, baby, this is a dog-eat-dog world out there,

and I'm tired of being inside the dog looking out.

James, should there be a price on truth?

I don't know, baby,

but for $5,000, the price is right.

And besides, it's a health tonic.

I mean, just 'cause you ain't used it for three months

don't mean it might not be good for folks.

Yeah, look what it did

to that little, scrawny fella that delivered it.

Come on, baby, at least try it.

Yeah, here's a Vita Brite, Dad.

I'll get some glasses.

Huh? Oh, all right.

I wonder how much of this stuff you're supposed to take.

Well, it can't hurt, baby.

It's a health tonic.

Give me a double.

I'm gonna be the fastest blood in the west!

Smells pretty good.

Well, here's to you, baby!

Here's to Vita Brite.

It brings you health and brings us wealth.

Hey...

Not bad.

Ooh, it makes me warm and tingly all over.

I ain't felt like this since I stopped drinking.

Wonder what they got in this stuff.

"Vitamin C, Vitamin D,

Vitamin E."

"Eighteen percent alcohol."

Eighteen percent alcohol?

James, Vita Brite is Vita Booze!

"Keep out of the reach of children."

* Oh, tie a yellow ribbon *

* 'Round the old oak tree *

Michael!

Come here, son. Here, sit down.

* Do you still want me? *

It's gonna be all right.

We gonna take good care of you. James?

Oh, he'll be all right, baby.

The best thing he can do is just sleep it off.

Oh, James, we were getting so turned around by all that money,

we got too busy to look after our own kids.

* I get on the bus *

After drinking all that stuff,

it's a wonder you can feel anything.

James, after seeing what this stuff did to Michael,

there's no way I'm gonna do that commercial.

You're right, Florida, and I ain't got no argument.

Now hold on.

Somebody's gotta be the voice of reason around here.

We finally got a chance to get a piece of the action.

I'm not interested in no action

that's gonna sell 18 percent booze as a health tonic.

It's only selling, Mama.

It's part of America.

Junior, this is the Evans' house,

and your mother ain't selling nothing

that's gonna put 11-year-old kids on skid row.

Now let's just worry about your brother, huh?

Mama, I'm glad you're not doing that commercial.

I can do it.

"Take Vita Brite and sleep tight."

Yeah, he'll be all right, baby.

I'll put him in our room.

* Tie a yellow ribbon... *

WOMAN: So do what I do--

give your family Kasey's Korn Krinkles for breakfast.

Kasey's Korn Krinkles are delicious

with sugar, strawberries and cream.

Your family will love them.

With sugar, strawberries and cream,

a bale of hay would be delicious.

Mama, that could have been you doing a commercial.

No way.

Mr. Moore said the government wouldn't let them

advertise Vita Brite on television.

Besides, if they did, I know a much better person

than me to do that commercial.

Who's that?

Dean Martin!

* Fly me to the moon *

* Da-da-da *

Ha, ha!

[***]

* Mmm *

* Just looking out Of the window *

* Watching the asphalt grow *

* Thinking how it all looks Hand-me-down *

* Good Times Good Times *

* Keeping your head Above water *

* Making a wave When you can *

* Temporary layoffs *

* Good Times *

NARRATOR: Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.

* Ain't we lucky We got 'em *

* Good Times *