Original subtitles

From Television City in Hollywood:

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Any time you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Any time you meet a friend ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Any time you're out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled, not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Scratching and surviving ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Hanging in a chow line ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪

How's it going, James?

Almost ready, baby.

Oh, the plants are gonna look real nice on that stand.

And they gonna grow better, too, knowing that somebody cares

enough about them to build them their own little home.

What are you talking about, Florida?

I read it in a plant book.

It says that plants are very sensitive.

And when they know you love them,

they'll just blossom.

Yeah, well, in that case, let's do it up right.

I'll break out the muscatel

and give 'em a real housewarming.

James, plants don't blossom on muscatel.

No, but I do.

Them plants can continue to get high on fertilizer.

Well, I got the slipcovers finished.

Oh, James, everything is looking so good.

I'm getting so excited!

Now, baby, I know how important this contest is to you,

but don't you think you went overboard a bit?

I mean, the money you spent for them slipcovers,

you could've made yourself a new dress.

I saved money, James.

The sofa takes less material than I do.

Don't you go putting yourself down,

'cause I like you just the way you are.

There's plenty to hug, plenty to squeeze.

Oh, James.

And I know there's always enough left over

for next time.

You sure know how to make

a Weight Watchers' dropout feel good.

Ma, I got my room spotless.

And I even got my lipstick stains

off my autographed picture of Stevie Wonder.

That's what I call clean.

Come on, help me put this on the couch.

Ooh, Ma, it's beautiful.

We're sure to get the first prize this year.

I know this is the best-looking apartment in the building.

Well, I don't know, baby.

The competition's pretty stiff this year.

Mr. and Mrs. Russell

got a genuine antique umbrella stand from Montgomery Ward.

Now that's gonna be pretty hard to top.

I still think we'll win.

Anything else you want me to do, Ma?

Well, you could clean the inside of the stove.

Oh, Ma.

Oh, Thelma.

Okay.

Well, a loving daughter is the next best thing

to a self-cleaning oven.

Oh, James, just look at this place.

I know exactly where I'm gonna put the plaque.

Now, baby, you gotta win it before you hang it.

Now, look, I don't wanna be no killjoy,

but you gotta be prepared for the fact

that it ain't what you do but who you know.

James, I feel too good to let you rain on my parade.

Now I know that the important thing

in the contest is how good things look.

And Mrs. Vinson is the head of the committee.

She is as honest as the day is long.

That's the same thing they said about them people in Washington.

You notice how short their day's been getting lately?

The plants look the way you like 'em?

Put the philodendron on top.

Now which one is that?

I don't know a philodendron from a collard green.

This one. It's the prettiest one.

I didn't mean that, all the rest of you plants.

I love you all.

I think each and every one of you is beautiful.

Baby, you talkin' to them plants like they understand you.

They do, James. You'd be surprised.

I guess you right.

Them turnip greens we had for dinner

talked back to me all last night.

Hi, JJ. Did you get the plant food?

Yeah. Cost me $1.95.

Boy, them plants eating better than we do.

Why don't we just sprinkle a little grits on 'em?

JJ, the plants don't like that kind of talk.

Now I'm sure you've upset them,

so I want you to go over there and tell them you are sorry.

I'm hearing it, but I don't believe it.

You want me to apologize to a plant?

Pardon me, plants...

I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you.

Since I'm making a formal apology,

don't you think I should be introduced formally first?

Okay.

Plants, I'd like you to meet my smart-alecky son James Jr.

This is a philodendron. That's a Boston fern.

This is a spreckle plant. And that's an African violet.

Hello there, philodendron.

Hello there, Boston fern.

Hello there, spreckle plant.

And as for you, African violet, right on, bro!

That's better.

Well, if y'all excuse me,

I have to go to the bathroom now.

See, that's what us human beings... JJ.

Well, good-bye, plants.

And good-bye, my African violet.

Hi, Florida!

Hi!

Are you ready for this?

Ta-da!

What have you got there?

Two adorable goldfish

to put the finishing touches to your house beautiful.

Oh, Willona, they are beautiful!

Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I'd like you to meet Ozzie and Harriet.

Precious.

Ain't they?

Now this one's Ozzie, and that one's Harriet.

Or is this one Ozzie and that one Harriet?

I can't tell the difference.

But they ain't got no problem,

'cause they can.

Willona, your bread ain't baked.

Here.

Oh, it really is nice.

But, Willona, you shouldn't have spent the money.

What money? I got the bowl wholesale.

And Ozzie cost, what, 35 cents, and Harriet cost 50 cents.

How come Harriet cost more than Ozzie?

'Cause Ozzie just swims around the bowl.

Harriet lays the eggs.

Hi, Thelma. Hey, Willona.

Whoo, you really got everybody working, haven't you?

Got to get it together.

Well, I'm glad to see the house looking so good,

'cause I got news for you.

The judging committee is coming around this afternoon.

This afternoon? Mm-hm.

Are you sure of that? How did you find out?

They don't call me

the Rona Barrett of the projects for nothing.

Willona, how did you find out?

You know Mrs. Vinson, the head of the committee?

Well, her husband has a brother who's married to some chick

who has a father-in-law who has a nephew

who's a real handsome dude.

Took me dancing at the Ambassador East last night.

Oh, and he told you about it.

No. I overheard it in the laundry.

But I just wanted you all to know I was dancing

at the Ambassador East last night.

Willona, you're too much.

Better than not enough.

Well, I gotta go. Uh-oh, almost forgot.

Here is some food for the fishes.

Good.

When you feed them, make sure you give more to Harriet.

Why?

Because the man at the fish store

said she was pregnant.

She may be eating for 46. Bye, fishies.

See y'all later.

Okay, Willona. And thanks again.

All right, good luck. Thank you.

You know something, baby? You all too much for me.

How you supposed to know

which one of them fish is Harriet?

Oh, that's simple.

If one of 'em gets up in the middle of the night

and wants chocolate crackers and sauerkraut,

that's Harriet.

You know, your loaf could use another ten minutes, too.

Hello there, vegetation.

I'm back from the bathroom.

Hey, who'd you get them goldfish from?

Willona brought 'em to brighten up the place a little bit.

Suppose I have to talk to them, too.

Well, they are living things.

It wouldn't hurt to say something nice.

Okay.

Hello, little gold brothers.

May the water in your bowl always be wet.

Move your easel.

Fixing up the apartment and winning first prize

mean that much, huh, Ma?

It isn't just the first prize.

It's taking pride in your surroundings

and trying to make things look better.

Baby, I told you not to get your hopes up too high, hear?

Just 'cause you the best filly in the race

don't mean there might not be a fix on.

James, I just know all this work ain't going for nothing.

We got to win the first prize! All right.

Mama, Daddy, can I ask you an important question? Uh-huh.

If you meet a brother on the street who was tired,

hungry, and had no place to go, would you help him?

I guess so. That would be the Christian thing to do.

I thought so, Mama.

Come on in, brother.

Ned the wino? Oh, not in my apartment today.

Thelma, open the windows!

That won't be enough. I'll get the Lysol.

Michael, come here.

Why, of all people, and why, of all times,

did you bring Ned the wino into this house today?

Well, Mama, he was lying in the gutter.

That ain't nothing new.

We been stepping over him for years.

He's the closest thing the projects have

to a national monument.

Michael, come here a minute, son.

Now we can't help this brother. He's a hopeless drunk.

I may be drunk, but I'm not helpless.

Yeah. Yeah. Could a helpless man do that?

Get that man off my new covers!

Junior, come on.

Help him up.

Easy, Ned. What?

It's gonna be all right.

See, Michael, we all know he's a wino.

He been on the grape for years and he won't get off.

That's right.

His name's engraved in the Ripple Hall of Fame.

Michael, honey, you just got to get him outta here.

Mama, I had a long talk with him.

He promised he'd give up drinking and dry out.

That's right! I promised. Easy, man.

All he needs is someone to help him.

Mama, if he could just spend a few days here,

he'd be all right.

A few days? Willona just told us

that the committee will be here in a few minutes!

Michael, in order to help a man,

the man's gotta wanna help hisself.

But, Daddy, he does want to help himself.

Oh yeah? Well, let's see about that.

Ned? Huh?

Ooh-whoo!

There's almost a full bottle of muscatel

in the kitchen cabinet.

You're welcome to it, if you want it.

No, James.

I said I was gonna dry out, and that's what I'm...

Almost a full bottle, huh?

Yeah, help yourself.

No, no. I promised Michael.

I told you. He meant it.

We can make a new man out of him. What do you say?

Honey, we just got the place spick-and-span.

The committee is due here any minute.

Michael, you picked a bad time to be a Good Samaritan.

But, Mama, you always told us

we were put on this earth to help others.

Daddy, if we don't help him out, who will?

Look, folks, you don't have to bother.

I don't blame you for not wanting me here.

Oh, wait!

I wouldn't drink that stuff if I was you, lady.

It's got fish in it.

Hold it, Ned.

Michael, tell him he can stay.

Really, Mom?

James, get out the muscatel.

For Ned?

No. For somebody who really need it... me.

Come on, Ned! Three down, one to go!

Try and get this...

Try and get one more down now.

Come on, Ned. You've got to eat something.

What is this stuff?

It's something you haven't tasted in a long while.

It's called "food."

Try one more now. Come on. That's it.

I can't eat any more.

It's taking my stomach by surprise.

I bet your liver wants to know what the hell's going on too.

Ned, try and get this milk down.

Milk! Oh, no, I couldn't.

Oh, yes, you could. Just make believe it's white muscatel.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm. By the time he gets it to his mouth,

it's gonna be a milkshake.

All the way. Come on, Ned.

All right, Ned!

I guess he ain't used to drinking nothing

don't come out a brown paper bag.

Well, if he's through eating, y'all clean him up.

Come on, Michael, Junior.

Give me a hand whipping him off to the bathroom.

Bathroom? You better off we just took off

all his clothes and ran him through the car wash.

JJ.

Nobody'll notice.

They probably just think he's streaking.

James, will you try and hurry him in there?

And while you in it, explain to him

about the contest and the committee coming over.

You don't have to worry, lady.

I won't do anything to embarrass you.

Uh, Ned? Ned.

The bathroom is this way.

Then that's the way I'll go!

Come on. Here we go.

Ohh! He's back on the couch again!

Get him off!

Come on, Junior. Lift him up. Here we go.

Latest bulletin...

The judging committee's on the 16th floor and...

Is that who I think it is?

That's him. Ned the wino.

I didn't even recognize him. I never saw him vertical before.

You may never see him vertical again.

Don't worry, Ma.

We'll get him clean if we have to sandblast him.

Florida, honey, the committee's gonna be here any minute.

If they see Ned, you ain't gonna have a chance.

Don't I know it?

Daddy and the boys are gonna get him cleaned up, Ma.

Cleaned up? With all that dirt on him,

It would be simpler and faster if you dropped

a couple of seeds on him and turned him into a planter.

He'd be the only real potted plant in the projects.

It'll be all right, Ma.

Thelma's right.

Ain't nothing lost. We still got time

to get him outta here if you want to.

We promised to help him, and that's what we gonna do.

James, y'all hurry up in there.

If we lose, well, there's always next year.

Right, Thelma?

Right, Ma. All right.

Baby, we may win yet.

I'm gonna go scrounge in my closet,

see if I can find some old clothes for him.

I betcha we have him lookin' more respectable

than any of them judges who've been up here before.

Oh, James, that's sweet.

Hey.

James!

Hmm?

What was that for?

That's for being a whole lot of woman.

And I don't mean weight neither.

Haven't they cleaned up Ned yet, Ma?

Nope. I think it's taking them

a little longer than they figured.

We about got him ready.

He'd have been ready sooner, but we lost five minutes

trying to get them gray socks off.

Five minutes?

Yeah. We found out he wasn't wearing none.

Rusty!

Well, he's ready.

We washed off all the dirt that wasn't moving

and killed everything that was.

Michael?

Bring him out for a grand entrance.

Well, well, well!

Ma, he looks great! Yeah!

Now who would've thought

that this Ned was hiding underneath that other Ned?

Ned, you look fine, man!

I bet you feel better, too, don't you?

Ned?

You all right, Ned?

He's so clean, he going into a state of shock!

Come on over here and sit down.

I think you'll be more comfortable staring from here.

Now look, let's sit down.

When the committee gets here, Ned...

Sit down, man.

Ned, if you can hear me, just wiggle a finger.

That's close enough.

Ooh, that must be the committee.

Lord, if you ain't too busy, please stick around for a while.

Mrs. Vinson!

Oh, Mrs. Evans, how are you?

Come right in. Good evening.

I guess you all know my husband James.

How are you?

And those are my children.

Hi!

This is my cousin. He's visiting us from Mississippi.

Well, now isn't that funny.

I could have sworn it was Ned the wino.

Aw, no.

Same profile. Same mustache.

Same breath.

Now why don't you folks check the other rooms?

I'll take care of this area.

Very lovely, Mrs. Evans.

The slipcover is beautiful.

So are the plants.

So are the children.

Well, your apartment certainly seems...

Something wrong with your cousin?

Uh, no, he just trying to tie his shoelace.

Michael, wanna give cousin a hand

with his shoelace, please?

The old cuz got a little touch of lumbago.

The bathrooms are beautiful, and the bedroom is immaculate.

Then I don't think there's any doubt.

You're the winner, Mrs. Evans.

Just a minute, Mrs. Vinson. We promised the Russells

we'd go back and take another look at their apartment.

It's my belief as chairperson that this is by far

the best-kept and most charming apartment.

I you don't agree, you tell Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

Mrs. Evans,

I am happy to inform you that you've won first prize.

Yeah!

Thank you! Thank you!

Well, committee, our work is done.

Let's go, let's go.

Good-bye, now. Bye-bye.

Bye, Mrs. Vinson. Adios.

Bye-bye, and thank you all so much.

Well... This calls for a celebration!

Yes. Let's have some Kool-Aid!

All right! All right!

I'm so proud of you!

Oh, we did it!

And now, James, what were you saying

about it ain't what you do but who you know?

Well, that's supposed to be the rule.

But as usual, you're the exception.

And you really deserve it, baby,

'cause you did one fine job on this apartment.

And don't forget, we also made a fine new person out of Ned.

James, will you straighten up that fine new person?

Mrs. Vinson!

Mrs. Evans, I just had to come back

and tell you one more thing.

It was very close between your apartment and the Russells'.

Yes?

But one thing made me decide in your favor.

Oh, what was that?

The way you cleaned up Ned.

Mrs. Vinson, I know there's a resemblance,

but like I told you, this is my cousin...

Mr. Evans, believe me when I tell you

I would know Ned the wino anywhere.

How could you be so sure?

He's my husband.

Lord, have mercy.

Once I saw the way you cleaned up Ned,

I didn't have to look at the apartment.

You didn't?

Do you realize this is the first time

in eight years I don't mind taking this man home with me?

Home with her?

Did she say I got to go home with her?

Everything is just the way you left it, Ned.

My mama's still living with us.

The girls still come over three times a week to play cards.

And I'm still taking my polka lessons.

No, please! If you have any charity in your hearts...

Ned!

Well, James, now I not only got pull in the projects,

but thanks to Ned,

I also got connections in the gutter.

Well, here it is.

That plaque is gonna look real nice up there.

Yeah, and that's something we can all be proud of.

Amen.

Hello, Ma. Hello, Michael. Hello, Thelma. Hello, Dad.

Hello, plaque.

Hello, plants.

Hello, Ozzie. Hello, Harriet.

Hey, what's them little things swimming around in there?

Harriet just gave birth to seven new babies.

Fine thing. You leave the house for a half-hour,

and you got seven new dudes to say hello to.

Hello, Susan. Hello, Brenda. Hello, Ricky. Hello, David.

Hello, fool!

♪♪♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Just looking out of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how it all looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪