Original subtitles

[Joy] Hi. My name is Joy.

My parents named me

after the feeling they had when I was born.

[shoes clicking]

That faded fast.

Peace out, bitches.

I'm good, how are you?

I'm good, how are you?

I love your bangs today.

I have a boyfriend too.

Is that a new baby? I love your baby.

And then he said, "I love you." [chuckles]

When I say, "I love you,"

what I really mean is,

[rasping] "Do you love me?"

These are gonna look so hot in my coffin.

[shoes tapping]

I actually wasn't always this miserable.

One time, in seventh-grade band,

I challenged Bobby Hendricks on the drums for first chair.

I fucking won. [imitates cymbal crash]

That was the moment I peaked.

[chewing] Mmm.

[shoes tapping]

You know that huge, gaping hole in your soul?

Lots of people find ways to fill it up...

Drugs, booze, porn, food, gambling, shopping.

[slurps]

I've had my own ways.

This is Rob.

This is Greg.

This is Enrique.

But it's never enough.

I always need more.

You're the one.

You're the one.

You're the one!

Ooh... Oh, boy.

[exhales]

[breathing heavily]

I'm a piece of shit.

[electronic pinging]

I can't do anything right. [music powers down]

[retches]

[coughs]

I couldn't even get killing myself right.

[TV] This monkey is an orphan,

separated from his mother since the day of his birth.

[nonchalant keyboard music]

A soft cheesecloth pad

is his only companion

and his only comfort.

Once a day, the pad is removed for cleaning.

He may die for want of love.

[cheers and applause]

[phone line trilling]

[phone rings] Hello, we are unable

to answer the phone right now.

Please leave a message, and we'll call you back.

[machine beeps] Hi, Mom.

It's me, Joy.

I'm just calling to see

if you wanted to do something for Mother's Day.

Doesn't have to be a big deal. We could go on a walk or...

-Hello, who's this? -[Joy] Mom?

It's Joy.

Tell Dad I said hi.

[speaking Tagalog]

[speaking Taglog]

Do you need money again? We can't give you any money.

No, I don't need any money.

I was just wondering if you wanted to do something

for Mother's Day on Sunday.

Oh, Mother's Day. [whispers in Tagalog]

[speaks Tagalog]

Your dad wants to go to Sonoma Raceway this Sunday.

Oh.

It's the Sprint Cup Series now.

You know he has to see it.

Do you have to go with him?

[whispers in Tagalog]

Mom?

[speaks Tagalog] Are you eating?

[lively music]

-Hello? -[phone] ...to make a call,

please hang up and try again.

Pierogies, please.

[overlapping conversations]

[resonant echoing]

[echoing laughter]

[echoing] More pierogies!

[laughs]

-[Director] Action! -[Joy] Today is brought to you by...

Wait, what do I-- today's show--

Today's show is brought to you by hugs, got it?

Okay, got it. All right, action.

I hug my family. I hug my dog.

I hug my best friend.

I hug a log.

-[Both] ♪ Hug a log -I can't hear it.

-I can't hear it. -♪ Give me a hug

-Cut! -Sorry.

Can we make sure her earwig is in?

Okay, guys, let's just hold real quick.

Okay, we're going again. Take 12 for Joy. Action.

♪ It's okay to hug your mom

♪ 'Cause she loves you and that ain't wrong

♪ And it's okay to hug your dad

♪ Because he loves you and that ain't bad

[All] ♪ It's up to you, you, you, you

♪ To give a hug, hug, hug, hug

♪ And it's okay if you don't want a hug

♪ That doesn't make you a cold hard thug

♪ And it's okay to hug yourself

♪ 'Cause it shows you love yourself ♪

-[Both] Yeah, love yourself! -Cut.

All right. Beautiful, beautiful.

Ben? [muttering indistinctly]

No, it's great. You're just so right

-for this character. -Thanks, man.

Get out of that hot suit, huh?

Everyone eventually nailed it.

-You were great. -[Joy] Dang it.

Thank you very much. [indistinct chatter]

[tense instrumental version of "Give Me A Hug"]

Hey, man, what are you doing this weekend?

No solid plans, man. What's up?

I'm shooting a music video up in the hills.

Sick ass mansion, infinity pool.

We need a black dude for the hot tub scene.

-Oh, snap, for real? -Yeah, are you down

to take your shirt off, hang with some models?

-Hell, yeah, man. -All right, man.

It doesn't pay anything, but, uh,

they got an awesome EP. It sounds so good.

-No, thank you so much. -Hey, you killed it today.

Oh, thank you. Blessings, blessings.

Great work, great work.

[Joy] I can twerk.

I took a pole dancing class once.

I could be in the music video.

Monkey, come on.

I mean, you're too cute to be a booty girl.

Hey, no, don't get mad.

Look, I got you something, all right?

Hold on.

This is my promise to you that you're mine.

You're the one.

Thank you. I love it.

Hey, are we still gonna see your mom

this weekend for Mother's Day?

-I got a new dress. -Shit.

That's the same day as the shoot.

[sighs] I just can't pass up this opportunity, you know?

Not at this crucial time in my career.

Why don't you go see your mom, you know?

-I love you. -[engine turns over]

I love you!

-I love you! -[engine roaring]

"Why don't you go see your mom for Mother's Day?"

Pierogies, please.

[grunting]

Babe.

Babe.

Hey, babe, which one of these headshots

do you think looks more "CSI"?

That one...

Or that one?

That one... Or that one?

-That one? -Ah.

Hi, monkey.

[exhales] I'm gonna make us some pancakes.

Pineapples and pancakes.

Up, up, up.

Nobody ever got famous sleeping in.

You got pierogies.

I didn't want to.

Jesus Christ.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don't know.

I felt abandoned.

I promise I won't do it again.

Joy... God.

I got scared that you don't really...

No, that's not gonna work anymore, Joy.

You're the one, Ben.

I want you to be the one so bad.

Yeah?

Yeah? Did you fuck him?

We're done.

Ben. Please.

Get help.

-Bonnie, sex and love addict. -[All] Hi, Bonnie.

[man] Rick, sex, love, and fantasy addict.

[All] Hi, Rick.

I'm Maddie, sex and love addict.

[All] Hi, Maddie.

Well, I, uh...

This room is very special to me

because exactly eight years ago today,

I came crawling... Uh, for the second or third time

on my hands and knees for help, right here.

My childhood was fairly textbook.

Never knew my dad, and my mom was either

working or drinking,

sometimes drinking and working,

and my brother and I were starved

for her attention and love, and she never gave it.

And sometimes we were just plain starving.

I'd dig through the change jar

and go down to the store to buy licorice.

That was the only way I could get my brother to eat.

Never really learned what a healthy relationship could be,

and I just sort of started cycling

through one bad relationship after another.

Alcoholics, addicts.

I kept thinking I could fix them, change them,

make it all better.

And then, uh...

I married one of them,

and that brought me pretty resolutely

to my very lowest low.

His needs, his happiness always came first.

It was exhausting.

And the more I gave, the emptier I became.

Then I found this room and you people,

so I thank you so much for letting me share.

Yeah.

-Joy, sex and love addict. -[All] Hi, Joy.

Uh, this isn't my first time here.

I tried a few of these meetings,

like, a couple years ago?

I didn't think I needed it.

I thought you guys were weird. [chuckles nervously]

No offense.

Anyway, I'm back because I guess I need help.

Proud of you for that.

Can't complain about that, right?

Well, thank you, thank you for everything.

Bye-bye.

Hi.

Hi. I liked what you said.

Oh, which part?

Uh, the part about getting better,

about beating the addiction.

I'm still an addict, I just learned to make better choices.

-That's a cute ring. -Thanks.

I had one like that.

We get what we think we deserve.

Hang in there.

-Wait, will you be my sponsor? -No. [laughs]

-No? -I would if I could,

but I can't.

Oh.

Just keep asking. There's a lot of people

in there who want to help.

Give me your phone.

You can call me if you can't find anybody, huh?

And maybe I can introduce you

to someone who might be a good fit.

Okay. Thanks.

[vibrator buzzing, Joy gasping]

[vibrator buzzing, Joy gasping]

[vibrator buzzing]

[front door slams open]

-I did it. -Did what?

I got help.

Oh, Joy just stop, all right?

I'm an addict, Ben. I'm sick.

Yeah, that's a pretty convenient excuse.

I... I like cereal.

Does that make me a fucking cereal addict?

Ben.

You have two days to get your stuff and move out.

[cell phone vibrates]

God, you're so fucking hot. I want to marry you.

I like you so much.

Mmm. [inhales]

You want a beer?

Uh, no thanks.

[snoring]

[all snoring]

[water bubbling]

[exhales]

All right, so how much do we owe you?

Because I know we didn't really discuss all the, uh... Holes.

It's usually a little extra.

Here, I'll give you a little extra.

All right, hey, thanks for a great night.

I mean, Chad... [laughs]

The guy was in beast mode, right?

He's gonna remember this forever.

Who's Chad?

Jeez... The groom.

[snores]

Hi, Joy. It's Sam.

You missed your call time. Logan's been thinking

about this a lot. He's got to let you go, okay?

We'll put your last paycheck in the mail.

[phone line trilling]

Hey, you've reached Ben. Please leave...

Hey, you've reached Ben. Please leave a...

[line trilling]

Hello, we are unable to answer the phone.

[retches]

[spits]

[line trilling]

-Hi. -Hey, it's Joy...

From the meeting.

I'm...

Will you pick me up?

Hey.

How are you?

I lost my boyfriend. I lost my apartment.

I lost my job.

Oh, and I just banged a bunch of random dudes

at the same time, and I don't remember.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I need help.

You have any friends you can stay with?

They're his friends.

Family?

No fucking way. My family wants

nothing to do with me.

I don't have anybody.

Why won't you sponsor me?

It's a huge commitment.

Please.

You have to save yourself. I can't do this for you.

I know.

It's gonna suck, and it's gonna feel impossible.

You're gonna want to give up,

but you can't.

You have to listen to me.

Anything you say, I will do. I promise.

There's a guest house at my grandma's,

and you can stay there for a little bit until you sober up,

get your feet on the ground.

Thank you.

Thank you.

There are gonna be very strict rules at Nana's house.

Rule number one: I need you to go 30 days

without contacting Ben,

and that includes all forms of social media.

-Rule number two... -Sorry.

You should not be alone with other possible partners.

No sex. No sexting.

No flirting. No intrigue.

No weird Internet stuff.

Rule number three: no masturbating.

Rule number four: keep going to meetings.

They're your lifeline,

and they will keep you on track.

All right, this time is about you.

Just you.

-Thanks, Maddie. -All right.

Yeah, all right.

Uh, the key is under the mat.

Nana's caretaker knows you're here,

but please don't disturb him.

If you need me, call me.

But only if you really need me.

Okay.

[exhales]

Just 30 of these. NBD.

No big D.

Me time.

[phone] Hey, babe, I'm walking home.

You know, I'm thinking of picking up

a goddamn pineapple, huh? Pineapple Fridays.

We should totally start that. That's gonna be our thing.

Um, let me know if you want anything else, all right?

I love you. Bye.

Hey, babe, I'm walking home. You know, I'm thinking

of picking up a goddamn pineapple.

Let me know if you want anything else, all right?

I love you. Bye.

Hey, babe, I'm walking home.

[vibrator buzzing]

You know, I'm thinking of picking up

a goddamn pineapple, huh?

[vibrator buzzing]

[gasps]

Pineapple Fridays. We should totally start that.

That's gonna be our thing.

[moaning]

[exhales]

I love you. Bye.

[punk music playing distantly]

[distant melodic whistling]

[whistling continues]

[whistling]

[cell phone vibrates]

Please be Ben, please be Ben, please be Ben.

[vibrating continues]

I can't do it. I just feel so crazy.

I don't know how to be anything but crazy.

I used to be crazy too.

I don't believe you.

Well, after my first six months in the program,

I went right back to my boyfriend.

That's not crazy.

And we kept getting together and breaking up.

That's not crazy.

And then I started working two jobs

so I could buy him a car,

which he totaled.

DUI.

And then we got married while he was in prison...

And while I was fucking my therapist...

And his son.

Okay, that counts.

[both laugh]

So, what are your hobbies?

Besides crippling anxiety?

I mean, what do you like to do?

A big part of recovery is finding something to live for.

You ought to try things. Read, learn... Play.

Get curious.

[snare taps]

[drums banging]

[drums banging distantly]

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Hi. You can't play those.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I live here. You can't play those.

Oh, Maddie didn't tell me you live here.

Maddie's my sister.

Oh, hi. I'm Joy. Nice to meet you.

Okay, great.

Now, please get out of my garage.

[stuttering] I need you to leave now.

My name is Jim.

[panting]

[moans]

[sighs]

Fucking shit. Fuck.

[guitar playing]

[door clatters open]

Hi.

[imitating slow drum beat]

[same beat playing]

Right hand on the high hat.

One, two, three, four.

[playing guitar riffs]

Don't squeeze them with a death grip.

Hold them like baby birds.

Let them breathe.

Good.

Okay, now same beat, please, and no showboating.

[drums playing]

♪ Salamander sidekick riding out the storm

♪ Hell is raining sideways and heaven's getting warm

♪ Cold, oh

♪ Cold-blooded

♪ Blood like ice

♪ Cold

-♪ Cold-blooded -[playing drum fill]

-[Joy] ♪ I-I-Ice -[guitar stops]

What are you doing?

I said no showboating.

-I was backing you up. -No, no.

You know what? You got to go.

Go.

[man] I think every woman I date is the woman of my dreams.

If a woman is even nice to me,

I've already pictured her in a wedding dress,

and when she does make herself available,

I just want to go find someone else.

Another fantasy.

[Joy] Thanks for everyone's shares.

I really related to all of them,

so thank you.

Um...

My dad was obsessed with women.

Our garage was... Covered in centerfolds.

Naked women everywhere.

And he watched a lot of porn.

Whenever I was home alone, I'd sneak into the garage,

and I watched it.

I think I was, like, five or six

when I started doing it.

I remember, the first time I watched it, I was like,

"I don't know what the hell this is!"

But... My body felt crazy.

I wanted to watch it all the time.

I looked at all those women...

And I thought...

"That's what I want to be.

That's who my dad loves."

I don't know, whatever.

Thanks for letting me share.

Hey, you didn't tell me

your brother lives with your grandma.

He didn't bother you, did he?

No.

[sighs] Well, he's got real problems, mental health issues,

and he's basically a recluse.

I'm surprised he even came out of the house.

I saw him checking the mail,

and I introduced myself to be polite.

No biggie at all.

Good.

Just leave him alone, and he'll leave you alone, okay?

[slow beats playing through speakers]

[knocking at door]

[funky music playing] ♪ Slip on a banana peel

♪ Slip on a banana peel

♪ Big old bunch of ripe bananas

♪ Slip on a banana peel ♪ Do what you feel

♪ Slip on a banana peel, do what you feel

[lo-fi music playing] ♪ You're not gonna

♪ Love me anymore

[acoustic music playing]

♪ Oh, my

♪ Beautiful world

♪ Oh, my boys and my girls

♪ I love you, I love you, I love you

♪ I love you, I love you

♪ I love you, I love you ♪

-[water bubbling] -♪ My beautiful world

[knocking at door]

♪ If you could grow some wings

♪ You might learn some things

♪ Wouldn't it be great if you could levitate?

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

♪ It's not only way

♪ To get around, to get around

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

♪ Time

♪ Time travel, I'm a supersonic seed for a tree ♪

[plays simple drum fill]

♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground ♪

[cheers in a whisper]

That was tight.

So good.

Holy shit, that was tight.

We got to record that next time.

Yeah.

My recording setup is pretty lo-fi, you know, but it sounds good.

I can add some reverb, dip the treble.

Yeah, yeah, verb the trebs.

What's your grandma like?

Nana? She's cool.

She basically raised me and Maddie.

She takes care of me. I take care of her.

It's a symbiotic relationship.

She likes watching musicals

and enjoys the works of Shakespeare.

What else do you want to know?

I'm hungry. You want to eat?

Keep the change, my man.

Come on, let's eat at the table inside.

Oh...

I probably shouldn't go in your house.

I promised myself I'd only go as far as this garage.

You really like orange juice.

I love orange juice.

So you're in 12-step with my sister?

Mm-hmm.

Is she your sponsor?

Yeah.

Do you like her?

Yeah.

-Do you? -What?

Do you like her?

Yes.

You're not hungry?

It's been really hard to eat... And sleep,

and, like, be a human being.

Everything's a fucking trigger.

What does that mean?

Trigger?

Uh, something that intensely makes you feel a feeling

that you really don't want to feel.

It makes you react compulsively.

Oh, I have a lot of triggers then.

Exactly.

The whole fucking world is a trigger.

I know. I'm triggered by everything.

I'm triggered by pancakes.

Pancakes?

My boyfriend...

Ex-boyfriend made good pancakes.

I'm triggered by family, sad songs...

Pierogies.

I could see that.

What is happening right now? What are you doing?

Nana taught us to do that when we were little.

She said, "Cookies don't create my fortune.

"I create my fortune."

And she taught us that there are many

much better tasting cookies in the world,

and we shouldn't waste our dessert on a shit cookie.

Nana's amazing.

I know. She's cool.

You're cool.

I'm glad Maddie's sponsoring again.

I didn't think she would.

Why?

Well, she used to sponsor this girl Kelly.

She stayed here too.

Oh, really? What happened?

She killed herself.

[sighs] She was a really nice person too.

Nana's about to wake up from her nap.

Her naps are always two hours long.

Not a minute less, not a minute more.

How'd she do it?

What?

How'd she kill herself?

Oh, she just took a bunch of pills

and passed out in the bathtub.

Pretty standard stuff.

[Joy] Hi, Kelly.

It's me, Joy.

I don't want to be weird. I just wanted to say hi...

And I'm sorry, and...

I get you.

I'm gonna try harder for the both of us, okay?

[folk music playing]

[humming]

♪ We dumped out your booze, fixed the hole in your wall

♪ We buried your shoes, we don't answer your call

♪ Mama gave up, now we go it alone

♪ So Daddy

♪ Don't you bother

♪ Coming home

♪ Daddy

♪ Don't you bother

♪ Coming home

How did it sound?

I think we got it.

I can do it faster.

Do you want me to?

Hey, can I ask you something?

Why did Kelly kill herself?

How can I answer that?

I mean... Did you have any sense of what was wrong?

No.

Did she give you any warning signs?

Maybe she knew she was terminally ill.

Maybe she was bored. Maybe she got dumped

and was sad like you.

Well... Nana's still sleeping.

What are you doing right now?

[TV] I hope so.

Bobby certainly has taken charge of those boys.

[Joy mocking] "I'm just a helpless woman

"with no self-worth because society says I'm nothing

"unless a man saves me.

"Save me, save me!

"Your breath smells like farts, but save me."

"These mouth farts are just for you, my dear.

"My mother never ever loved me,

"but you look just like her so I'll take it."

[both giggle]

-Trigger. -What?

Trigger.

Trigger.

[both] Trigger.

[laughs]

♪ It's okay to hug yourself

♪ Because it shows you love yourself

♪[All] Yeah, love yourself! ♪

You like this show?

Love yourself.

-Happy-Happy loves you. -I'm sorry.

You didn't say trigger.

That was Ben.

Who's Ben?

My boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend.

The hedgehog?

Yeah.

Your ex-boyfriend is a fuzzy hedgehog?

You got dumped by a hedgehog?

[laughs]

Joy, come on. It's okay.

No, it isn't.

He's clearly a loser. You could do better than that.

It's okay. It's okay.

Come on, stop being a baby and just get over it.

I can't just get over it.

I wouldn't need to be here if I could just get over it.

Yeah, you can.

Maybe if you weren't so self-centered,

you'd realize the world has much bigger problems.

So just let go and move on already.

I'm sure he has.

You're an asshole.

[Joy] I am strong.

I am smart.

I am beautiful.

I am enough for this moment.

"I am Happy-Happy, and I'm a fucking douchebag."

I am a good person.

I am a pizza.

[distorted knocking on door]

[knocking continues]

Joy?

You know, I can see you.

Joy, do you want a popsicle that's made

of American flag colors?

I can't.

Oh.

I'm busy.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks!

[Jim singing in the distance]

♪ Dreamed I saw a fork beat up a spoon

♪ Dreamed that you and I danced in a summer swoon

♪ Dreamed I saw a logo on the moon ♪

[knocking on door]

[whistles melody]

♪ Dreamed I saw a logo on the moon

♪ Dreamed I saw a fork beat up a spoon

♪ Dreamed that you and I

♪ Danced in a summer swoon

♪ I dreamed I saw a logo on the moon ♪

[humming] [whistling tune]

[whistling continues]

Okay, let's get you out, Nana.

Today is August 19, 1998.

It's 1:33 a.m.

[guitar tuning]

♪ Honey

♪ Honey

♪ Baby doll

♪ Sweet thing

♪ Darling

I'm so sorry.

What are you doing?

-No one's heard these. -Don't!

-They're gonna be buried with me. -Don't do that!

So what do you think?

About what?

The song.

I thought it was beautiful.

Do you want to see something?

♪ Don't talk on your cell phone

[slow synth and bass music]

♪ When you're at the store

♪ See the people around you

♪ See that there's something more

[music picks up] ♪ Give me, give me the

♪ Give me, give me the time

♪ I'd die for a paycheck, die for a chance to shine

♪ Faster and faster, further and further apart

-♪ Disaster, disaster -This is... Amazing.

♪ Fucking a hole in your heart

♪ Kill your boob job

♪ Kill your video game

[knocking at door]

-Hey. -Hey.

It's so cool you're keeping up with the painting.

Oh, yeah, just messing around.

I was just dropping off my nana's meds,

so I thought I'd check in and see you're doing.

How you doing? [laughs]

I'm good.

No contact with Ben, right?

None.

No acting out at all?

Nope. Totally clean.

I guess I'll go see my nana.

And Jim.

Jim and I are taking a break from each other right now.

My sponsor suggested it.

I am proud of you.

Thanks. [laughs]

[Jim] "Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

"And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

"Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines."

I need to talk to Nana.

Hi, Nana.

[sweetly] Hey.

Hi. It's Maddie.

Hi. [laughs]

[laughs softly]

[Joy] We could also just be J and J,

and "All The Way" could be the name of our first album.

Oh... I don't know.

I haven't really thought about us as an actual band.

Kind of pursuing my solo thing, you know?

Thanks, though. You're a really good artist.

Let's start with "Here's to the Trigger," yeah?

All right. One, two, one, two...

All right, what's wrong?

[drums bang]

Come on, Joy, what?

[plays gently]

[drums bang]

[playing slow melody]

[drums bang]

[sharp twang]

[playing drums softly]

[short ping]

[drums bang]

[soft, high notes]

[playing soft, fluid melody]

[melody fades]

♪ You've got a finger on the trigger

♪ If I could be of use

♪ I tell you, life gets better

♪ When you slip off your noose

♪ So open up your eyes

♪ Get down off the chair

♪ Pick up your sticks

[both] ♪ Dance like you don't care

-[tom-tom drum pounding] -♪ Pound out your worry

♪ Kick out your shame

♪ Sing for the sinners

♪ Fly into the plane

[Jim whistling cheerfully]

[line trilling]

[music fades]

[doorbell rings]

So why do we need to know about this?

Mom, I told you.

I just want you to know who I am.

I want you in my life.

I've been working really hard on being really honest

and looking at my patterns

and talking to people about it.

I'm not the only one. There are other people

out there just like me with the same addictions.

We all just want love

and intimacy and connection, but...

We don't know how to get it without hurting ourselves.

No one showed us how.

[inhales deeply] It's okay.

I'll make you spaghetti. Your favorite.

Your Uncle Louie was an addict.

Couldn't stop buying hats.

[soft piano music]

I enjoy reading books, writing,

and playing the piano.

But most of all, I love dancing.

[cheers and applause]

[Joy] It was so crazy.

I could really see my parents, you know what I mean?

They'll never be what I want them to be.

I can stop expecting them to be somebody else.

They're human beings

who have no idea what they're doing, just like me.

One, two...

I feel really stupid right now,

like you're not getting it.

I get it, Joy. I just want to play.

Do you get it? I don't think you get it.

I get it.

-Do you though? -I get it.

Do you even realize how long you've been talking?

Oh. Okay.

Let's play now.

[pounding drums]

Are you acting out? Is this acting out?

[cacophonous strumming]

Stop.

I get it, Joy! I get it!

My dad was drunk and left us.

My mom was miserable and left us.

My sister won't talk to me. I miss her.

I'm wearing my underwear inside out

because I don't care enough about myself to do laundry,

so, yeah... I get it.

This morning, I woke up thinking

I was holding someone's hand...

But it was just my other hand.

Sometimes I sleep with a phone book on top of me

because it feels like love.

I can't eat Gummy Bears

because I think they have feelings.

[chuckles]

You're my friend.

[chuckles]

Are you asking me or are you telling me?

You're my friend, Jim.

I'm just saying.

Yeah.

You're my friend.

Weirdo.

You ready to play now?

Yeah.

I wrote a song.

[synth music playing]

♪ Hey Kelly

♪ Can you hear me?

♪ I'm really sad you had to go

♪ Wish you could have seen things differently

♪ And why you're gone, we'll never know

♪ Why she's gone

♪ We'll never know

♪ See, I'm living in your shoes now

♪ See, I'm walking on your floor

♪ Trying to find the answer

♪ Why you don't live here anymore

♪ Why she don't live here anymore

♪ In another time

♪ In another place

♪ I think we could both have a chance

♪ In another time

♪ In another place

♪ Oh, oh, Kelly

[both] ♪ Oh, oh Kelly

♪ Oh, oh, Kelly

[song playing over speakers]

What the fuck is this?

Maddie, we're just friends.

[laughs] I'm so stupid.

I came by to congratulate you on all your progress.

[sighs]

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, so it's okay to talk to me now?

Did you make sure your sponsor's cool with it

or are you breaking one of the rules right now?

You told me you were committed to taking care of Nana.

Here we go.

If you can't handle it, you need to tell me.

She's napping, Maddie. She's fine.

If you can't do it, Jim,

we're gonna have to put her in a home.

This is her fucking home!

Oh, you are so selfish.

This is about what Nana needs, not you.

You have no fucking idea what she needs!

You're so wrapped up in your own personal tragedy

and your 12-step cult,

you don't see anything outside of that anymore.

You've checked out of this family

a long fucking time ago.

Joy, tell me the truth.

Are you two sleeping together?

You think you know everything, but you don't.

Nana is doing great, and so am I.

Not everyone needs saving. We're happy here.

Oh, of course you are. You have a new girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend, you asshole.

I don't even think she's cute.

You're self destructing. You know that.

There are rules to follow, and if you don't,

you will end up right back where you started,

and it will feel so much worse.

I'm not like Kelly, okay?

You don't have to worry.

Hey, don't mind Maddie. She's crazy.

[shouts angrily]

[shouts]

[muffled scream]

-Thanks. -Mm-hmm, yeah.

-Have a nice day. -Hey.

-Hey. -[chuckles]

How are you?

Good. How are you?

Good.

-Good... Good. -That's good.

[both chuckle]

I've, uh...

Been thinking about you a lot recently.

Yeah, I've been thinking about you too.

Um...

What are you doing right now?

Are... Are you busy?

Uh, no.

Um, I'm just shopping for balloons

because I'm supposed to love myself

-and do things like that now. -[laughs]

-Um... -Okay.

How about you?

I am getting some glow sticks

for Logan's warehouse rave.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[softly] Yeah.

Yeah.

[both panting]

-[moaning] -[exhales]

[laughing] Oh, God.

[panting]

[pants, laughs]

So what else is new?

[exhales] Um...

I'm in a band.

Yeah? [zipper zips]

Oh, cool.

Yeah, I'm, uh, you know,

glad we've both been doing our own thing, you know?

I've got some stuff going on too, so I definitely, you know,

I think we should keep that going.

It's cute you're in a band though.

Uh, you're not singing?

[chuckles] 'Cause we've seen you at karaoke, 'cause...

No, I'm just saying, you know,

you always try to... Monkey...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Your balloons! You...

Hey.

Hey.

I made this for you.

See you.

Who was that?

I have no idea.

What happened to 30 days?

I ran into Ben at the party store.

I told him I was in a band.

And then you fucked some random dude?

Yeah, I know.

I'm the worst person in the world.

No.

But you're acting really stupid.

I get it. I'm stupid, okay?

Why would you even care?

I thought we were friends.

We're not friends, you idiot. I love you.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I do.

No, you need to grow up. You're a fucking lunatic baby.

Oh, really? Takes one to know one.

That's what babies say.

You need to need to fucking grow up.

Look at yourself. Look at me.

We ruin people's lives. That's who we are!

Let's get out of each other's lives and save ourselves.

I'm eating this cake.

[sniffles]

[sobs]

[line trilling]

Hi, you've reached Maddie. Leave a message.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Hey, Maddie, it's Joy.

I relapsed.

Not with Jim...

With Ben and some other people.

You were right.

It's worse than before.

I'm so sorry for everything.

You've been nothing but kind to me.

When I said I'm not like Kelly, I just meant...

I'm not going anywhere, okay?

I promise.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

[groans]

Not sorry.

[metal sizzling]

[microwave pops]

Jim?

[knocking]

Jim?

[musical playing indistinctly on TV]

Jim?

Oh, hi.

Do you know where Jim is?

What are you watching?

♪ Peeking through her window at me all the while

♪ Then I see her laughing

♪ And my heart beats out a mile

♪ It must be love

♪ It's the little waves

♪ That she slicks down her hair

♪ And every time I see her I just

♪ Stop and stare

♪ When we finally rendezvous

♪ We live without a care

♪ It must be love

♪ It must be love

♪ It must be love

I gotta go.

It was nice meeting you.

♪ The love she has for me

[music continues indistinctly]

[loud taps]

What was that?

[tapping]

[tapping]

[tapping]

[tapping]

[tapping]

[music playing faintly through headphones]

♪ We dumped out your booze, fixed your hole in the wall

♪ We buried your shoes

[knocking on door]

♪ Mama gave up

Jim?

♪ So Daddy

♪ Don't you bother

♪ Coming home

♪ Daddy

♪ Don't you bother

♪ Coming home

Oh, let me help.

Thanks.

[grunts] All righty.

I know you're not like Kelly.

What was she like?

Oh, she was... Complicated.

And awesome,

and she had a great big heart, just like you,

But she didn't have the strength you have.

She was not gonna make it through the darkest moments,

but I know you will,

I think about her all the time.

It keeps me going.

Yeah, me too.

[chuckles]

She was lucky to have you.

Thanks.

[engine revving]

♪ Ey!

[bright synth music]

♪ Ey!

[Joy] Pretty crazy how we can go through a bunch of stuff

and not die.

Time doesn't exist,

and five-year-old you is cheering you on.

[cheers quietly]

[woman] So, is there anybody here today

who has one-month of sobriety?

[applause]

Congratulations.

Three months?

[applause]

Six months?

Nine months?

One year?

[laughs]

[applause]

Hey. [both laugh]

I did it.

You did it.

Now, the next time I see you

we're gonna have to start talking about a dating plan.

That sounds terrible.

[laughs] Oh, it is. And then it's not.

[exhales]

Listen, I want to thank you for something.

Thank me?

Jim and I, we love each other so much.

We've always been the only other stable person

in each other's lives.

I almost really fucked that up...

And we're so good now, I...

I just wanted to thank you

for helping me find my brother again.

I love you, Maddie.

I love you too, Joy.

[both laugh]

-Please. -Come on. [laughs]

[engine revving]

[Jim on radio] ♪ ...slip off your noose

-[laughing] -♪ So open up your eyes

Ah!

♪ Get down off the chair

♪ Pick up your sticks

♪ Dance like you don't care

♪ Pound out your worry

♪ Kick out your shame

♪ Sing for the sinners

♪ Fly into the flame

[whistling]

[Joy] "Here's to the Trigger" sounded so tight

with the synth you added.

So tight.

Did you like the hand claps?

Loved the hand claps.

Were the sirens at the end too much?

I would normally roll my eyes at sirens,

but you layered them in there so gracefully,

I hardly knew what the sound was.

You're really talented.

Thank you.

How are you?

I'm good. Mm-hmm.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you really?

[chuckles]

"How are you really?"

Good. I said I'm good.

I mean, you know, I missed you.

My music got so much better playing with you,

and it was fun. [laughs]

I missed you too.

I play acoustic sets

at the Pig and Whistle now every Sunday.

Nobody pays attention, but I don't care.

And Maddie and her boyfriend eat dinner

with me and Nana once a week.

Pretty cool.

Oh, I started making waffles

with the waffle iron that I purchased.

That's fucking awesome.

It really is.

I think we're gonna be okay.

We are okay. Both of us.

[breath hitches]

[sniffles]

[exhales]

God.

[sniffles]

Ah.

You wanna play?

Yeah.

[playing rock music]

[both] ♪ Play it too cool, you'll freeze yourself

♪ Play it too tight and you'll snap

♪ Play it too loose and you'll come undone

♪ 'Cause what you're looking for ain't on a map

♪ You can stick out your thumb

♪ Chew cinnamon gum

♪ You can hop on a freight

♪ You can swallow the bait

♪ You can rub your lamp

♪ With a forever stamp

♪ You can get there in a dream

♪ But you need more steam

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

[both] ♪ It's not the only way

♪ To get around

♪ To get around

♪ Time is not your enemy

♪ Time is not your friend

♪ It's a mystery that we can't see

♪ And it feels like it never ends

♪ Like a bucket of sand that pours through your hand

♪ So you hope for the best and you bury the rest

♪ If you could grow some wings

♪ You might learn some things

[both] ♪ Yeah, wouldn't it be great if you could levitate?

♪ Time

-♪ Time travel -♪ Time

♪ Time travel

[both] ♪ It's not the only way to get around

♪ To get around

♪ Time

♪ Time travel

♪ Time

♪ Time travel, I'm a supersonic seed for a tree

[both] ♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground

♪ Growing backwards in the ground ♪