Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:33,515
CARMINE:
Holy Mary, Mother of God...
2
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:36,363
...pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
3
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,153
Amen.
4
00:00:38,154 --> 00:00:41,457
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
5
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:45,461
Blessed art thou among women and...
6
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,896
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
7
00:00:47,897 --> 00:00:50,799
Blessed art thou.
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
8
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:55,002
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners in our death.
9
00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:03,212
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
10
00:01:03,213 --> 00:01:06,434
Blessed art thou among women.
11
00:01:06,516 --> 00:01:09,985
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with
thee. Blessed art thou among women...
12
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,437
[SPRAYS]
13
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,559
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
14
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:28,994
I wanna go back to Cleveland.
15
00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:31,674
PROCLO: Your grandfather
is very sick, sweetheart.
16
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,243
Papa!
17
00:01:34,244 --> 00:01:38,217
Viv, don't. Please, viv.
18
00:01:38,748 --> 00:01:41,016
- Daddy.
- Yes, angel?
19
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,985
Who are all these people?
20
00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:44,720
PROCLO:
Your relatives, sweetheart.
21
00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:46,519
GILDA:
I don't like them.
22
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,641
[DOOR OPENS]
23
00:01:55,598 --> 00:01:56,806
Carmine.
24
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,634
Vivian.
25
00:01:58,635 --> 00:01:59,802
Vieni qua.
26
00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:01,883
VIVIAN:
No!
27
00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:08,010
Vivian.
28
00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:10,212
VIVIAN: Speak to us, Papa.
CARMINE: Give us your blessing.
29
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,480
Vivian.
30
00:02:11,481 --> 00:02:12,848
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
31
00:02:12,849 --> 00:02:15,171
Oh, yes, Papa.
32
00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:17,119
Get Proclo.
33
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,887
VIVIAN:
Get Proclo, Papa?
34
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,658
Yes, Papa. He's just outside.
I'll bring him in for your blessing.
35
00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:25,394
Oh, Papa, he'll be so pleased.
36
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,863
He thought you hated him
all these years.
37
00:02:27,864 --> 00:02:29,164
Oh, Papa.
38
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:31,205
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
39
00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:34,899
- Carmine.
- Yes, Papa. I'm here, Papa.
40
00:02:35,705 --> 00:02:37,372
Get Proclo.
41
00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:39,208
Get Proclo, Papa?
42
00:02:39,209 --> 00:02:41,599
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
43
00:02:41,811 --> 00:02:44,446
Kill him. Kill the son of a bitch.
44
00:02:44,447 --> 00:02:46,487
Papa, he's my husband.
45
00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:48,550
Get Proclo.
46
00:02:48,551 --> 00:02:50,309
[COUGHING]
47
00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:56,195
- Papa!
- Aah!
48
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,379
[PEOPLE SCREAMING
AND DoG BARKING]
49
00:03:08,304 --> 00:03:10,183
Get Proclo?
50
00:03:16,246 --> 00:03:18,166
[CHURCH BELLS CHIMING]
51
00:04:38,561 --> 00:04:42,231
That's 219 coming up, 219.
52
00:04:42,232 --> 00:04:44,066
BEN: Good evening.
- Yeah.
53
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,678
BEN: Nasty night.
- Is it?
54
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:47,135
I'm one big puddle.
55
00:04:47,136 --> 00:04:49,671
Well, watch where you're dripping,
I just mopped.
56
00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:51,707
Sorry. I'd like a room, please.
57
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,476
Sure you would.
So you can go drip in there.
58
00:04:54,477 --> 00:04:56,478
Ten bucks.
You sign the registration.
59
00:04:56,479 --> 00:04:59,351
- I'll check your valuables.
BEN: I know.
60
00:05:07,423 --> 00:05:09,057
You're dripping.
61
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,627
- What?
- I said, "You're dripping."
62
00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:14,830
Well, of course I'm dripping.
It's pouring out there.
63
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:18,885
Well, try not to.
They don't like you dripping here.
64
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,424
Thank you.
65
00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:23,880
See you.
66
00:05:24,707 --> 00:05:27,109
- Hope not.
- That's 416, coming up.
67
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,878
- That is 416.
- Well, that's a good floor for that one.
68
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:31,413
Nobody ever goes up there.
69
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,849
Well, look who's back.
Hello, stranger.
70
00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:35,970
Hello, Abe.
71
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,196
Oh, no.
72
00:05:48,197 --> 00:05:51,566
- I thought you'd sworn off this place.
- Well, I thought I had too.
73
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,969
ABE:
You got homesick for us, right?
74
00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:56,738
Didn't have much choice.
Been barred from the Atheneum.
75
00:05:56,739 --> 00:05:58,941
ABE: Come on. Nobody gets
barred from the Atheneum.
76
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,242
How did you manage that?
77
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:04,212
- Well, there was this man there...
- A fat man, right?
78
00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:05,514
Fat?
79
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:08,050
He was the Magic Mountain.
80
00:06:08,051 --> 00:06:12,054
He drove me into one of my frenzies.
I went berserk and kicked his door open.
81
00:06:12,055 --> 00:06:14,489
So they threw me out,
told me never to come back.
82
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:18,303
I was willing to pay for it.
I just wanted to talk. You know how I am.
83
00:06:18,494 --> 00:06:22,030
- Hey, you wanna check that?
- Oh, no, no. That's my costume.
84
00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:25,968
I'm entered in a talent contest tonight.
It's good to be back, Abe.
85
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,237
I feel strangely optimistic
about this evening.
86
00:06:29,238 --> 00:06:33,318
- Yeah, well, don't kick any doors in.
- I hope I don't have to.
87
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,824
Driver, I left my money.
Will you wait? I'll be right back.
88
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,856
320 coming up. That is 320.
89
00:06:47,857 --> 00:06:49,491
- I'd...
- Good evening, I wonder...
90
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,360
There's a line, buddy.
91
00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:54,196
CHUCK: There's a line.
- Surely.
92
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:57,399
I'd prefer something on 3.
93
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:02,200
Did they ever put you on 4?
It's Siberia up there.
94
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:05,114
Thank you.
95
00:07:06,075 --> 00:07:10,875
That's 421 coming up. That is 421.
96
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:18,216
Hey, can you...? Could...? Could...?
Could you...?
97
00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:21,823
Can you cash a check for me?
It's on ohio State National.
98
00:07:21,824 --> 00:07:23,725
What do I look like, a teller?
99
00:07:23,726 --> 00:07:26,461
You don't understand.
I got a cab waiting. I'll be back.
100
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:27,896
I am planning to come here.
101
00:07:27,897 --> 00:07:31,400
That's why I got a cab to go
somewhere and stay. I've come, see?
102
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:32,868
ABE:
You got a credit card?
103
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,870
PROCLO: Right here, yeah.
- I can take that.
104
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,071
Yeah, well, he can't.
105
00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:37,239
[HoRN HoNKING]
106
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,871
You hear that? That's him.
107
00:07:42,011 --> 00:07:44,513
Look, I got all the identification
in the world.
108
00:07:44,514 --> 00:07:47,749
Blue Cross, Rotary Club,
driver's license.
109
00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,052
Here. Here's my business card.
110
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,121
"Proclo Sanitation Services,
Gaetano Proclo, president."
111
00:07:53,122 --> 00:07:54,330
That's me.
112
00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,592
- I'm sorry.
PROCLO: Oh, come on.
113
00:07:57,593 --> 00:08:02,077
Do I look like someone
who would try to pass a bad check?
114
00:08:02,198 --> 00:08:03,732
Yeah.
115
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:07,156
Yeah, of course I do.
116
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,567
Now can you see me?
117
00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:22,615
Everything else is real.
118
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:24,653
Who are you running from?
119
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:28,123
My maniac brother-in-law who's gonna
kill me tonight if he can find me.
120
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:30,892
You're looking at a potential dead man.
I'm begging you.
121
00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:32,661
It's a matter of life and death.
122
00:08:32,662 --> 00:08:34,702
CHRIS:
Hey, all right.
123
00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:37,165
- Does anybody have a cab waiting?
PROCLO: What?
124
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,934
- Is that your cab out there?
PROCLO: Yeah.
125
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,403
You've also got
one very pissed off driver.
126
00:08:41,404 --> 00:08:42,704
PROCLO:
How pissed off is he?
127
00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:44,673
On a 10 scale, 10.
128
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:45,841
Darn it.
129
00:08:45,842 --> 00:08:47,442
Please!
130
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,579
Well, I really shouldn't
be doing this, but...
131
00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:52,380
- You're a good man...?
- Abe.
132
00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:53,548
Abe.
133
00:08:53,549 --> 00:08:57,652
Abe, I'm gonna have a novena said
for you when I get back to Cleveland.
134
00:08:57,653 --> 00:09:00,203
- What's your last name? Abe what?
- Leftkowitz.
135
00:09:02,158 --> 00:09:04,826
I'll still have a novena said for you
when I get back.
136
00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,428
Thank you. Excuse me.
137
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:07,918
[HoRN HoNKING]
138
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,465
I had a novena said for me once.
139
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,934
- I asked to wake up gorgeous.
ABE: So, what happened?
140
00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:14,102
Well, look at me.
141
00:09:14,103 --> 00:09:15,270
[CHUCKLING]
142
00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:17,706
- Hey, Chris, you wanna sign in?
- You bet I will.
143
00:09:17,707 --> 00:09:21,343
- How is that gorgeous son of yours?
- You're too late, he's getting married.
144
00:09:21,344 --> 00:09:24,246
- Terrific. You give him my love, will you?
- Sure thing.
145
00:09:24,247 --> 00:09:27,048
- He need someone to practice with?
- He's been practicing.
146
00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:29,217
- That's why he has to get married.
- Yeah.
147
00:09:29,218 --> 00:09:32,587
Well, compared to me, Abe,
she would have to be an amateur.
148
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:35,058
Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.
149
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:38,026
Oh, you know he used to be lovers
with John wayne.
150
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:39,194
ABE:
Sure he did.
151
00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:41,930
Right after he broke up
with Xavier Cugat.
152
00:09:41,931 --> 00:09:44,032
People like you think the world
is queer.
153
00:09:44,033 --> 00:09:46,382
Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.
154
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:48,803
[CAB DRIvER LAUGHING]
155
00:09:48,804 --> 00:09:50,438
All right.
156
00:09:50,439 --> 00:09:53,378
CAB DRIvER:
Change a 10.
157
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:56,945
He can't change a 10. Do you believe it?
158
00:09:56,946 --> 00:10:01,746
New York City, one of the great cities of the
world. This driver I have can't change a 10.
159
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,790
Hey, did I ever have you?
160
00:10:05,154 --> 00:10:07,756
- What?
- I've got a rotten memory that way.
161
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:10,325
- You never used to live in Rego Park?
- No.
162
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:12,727
CHRIS: You look like someone
I knew from Rego Park.
163
00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:15,230
PROCLO: I'm afraid not.
CHRIS: He was a large man like you.
164
00:10:15,231 --> 00:10:17,032
He was in ladies shoes, I remember.
165
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,968
Well, I'm from Cleveland
and I'm in refuse. Excuse me.
166
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,070
CHRIS:
I guess not, then. Sorry.
167
00:10:22,071 --> 00:10:23,909
PROCLO:
Perfectly all right.
168
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,077
A gay garbage man?
169
00:10:29,078 --> 00:10:30,612
You never can tell.
170
00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:33,582
That's so true. I mean, look at me.
171
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:36,451
If you just saw me walking down the street
you'd think I was a queen.
172
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,119
[WHISTLE BLowlNG]
173
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,670
Try to hold out, men. Help is on the way!
174
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:44,759
340 coming up. That is 340.
175
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,062
She's here, boys.
176
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,174
[IN HIGH volCE]
I'd like a room, please.
177
00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:10,318
One of your private rooms.
How much is that?
178
00:11:10,319 --> 00:11:12,387
ABE: You want what?
- A room.
179
00:11:12,388 --> 00:11:15,357
- I was told you had private rooms?
- Yeah, we got rooms.
180
00:11:15,358 --> 00:11:17,826
Well, then I'd like one, sir.
How much is that?
181
00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,156
How long?
182
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,768
- Is what?
- How long do you want the room for?
183
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:26,001
Three or four hours should be sufficient
for my purposes.
184
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:28,870
I don't care what your purposes are.
Twelve is our minimum.
185
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:32,073
- All right, 12 then, sir.
- All right, that's 10 bucks.
186
00:11:32,074 --> 00:11:35,685
You check your valuables
and sign the register.
187
00:12:00,002 --> 00:12:02,070
Tell me something.
188
00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:04,172
Has a...
189
00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:07,542
Balding, middle-aged, fat man
come in here recently?
190
00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:10,845
I don't believe
what just came in here recently.
191
00:12:10,846 --> 00:12:12,947
You're not a cop, are you?
192
00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:14,149
I'm a detective.
193
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,922
Michael Brick, the Greybar Agency.
194
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:20,596
What do I do now?
195
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,891
Through there and up the stairs.
196
00:12:22,892 --> 00:12:26,395
- Someone will show you your room.
- Thank you, sir.
197
00:12:26,929 --> 00:12:31,566
- And let me give you a little tip, Brick.
- Yes, sir?
198
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:33,601
Stay out of the steam room.
199
00:12:33,602 --> 00:12:35,804
- Why, sir?
- It gets pretty wild in there.
200
00:12:35,805 --> 00:12:37,472
Oh, I can take it, sir.
201
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:40,075
In my line of work,
I get to do a lot of wild things.
202
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:42,010
This is my first seduction job.
203
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:45,112
- Wish me luck.
- With that voice you gonna need it.
204
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:02,500
Save your money. Ten bucks for this place
is 10 bucks for nothing.
205
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,325
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH]
206
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:17,679
No rain, he tells me.
207
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,447
No rain, he says.
208
00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:21,216
No rain.
209
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,051
Fucking weatherman.
210
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,253
That little maric�n.
211
00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:28,857
One spot on this dress and I am finished.
212
00:13:28,858 --> 00:13:31,659
The biggest night of my life,
it's pissing dogs and cats.
213
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:34,009
That's cats and dogs.
214
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,000
Are you a producer?
215
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:41,081
No.
216
00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:43,987
Are you sure?
217
00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:45,673
- Yes.
- Oh.
218
00:13:45,674 --> 00:13:47,809
That's okay. You never know, huh?
219
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:50,790
[SCREAMS THEN
CHATTERING IN SPANISH]
220
00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:53,982
My hair. Not my hairs.
221
00:13:53,983 --> 00:13:58,386
All right. Go ahead, say it.
No, it's okay, I can take it.
222
00:13:58,387 --> 00:14:00,709
Tell me I look like shit.
223
00:14:01,824 --> 00:14:06,194
Why would I say something like that
to such an attractive young lady?
224
00:14:06,195 --> 00:14:10,995
You boys really know how to cheer up a girl
when she's down in the dump.
225
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:16,801
My boyfriend Hector see me do that,
he killed you with a knife this big.
226
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,641
He hates maric�nes, that Hector.
227
00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:22,744
It's okay.
He's a ball-breaker with me too, mister.
228
00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:24,646
But I'm going to show them, chico.
229
00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:29,117
And tonight is the night
I'm going to do it.
230
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,886
I heard on the grapevine...
231
00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:34,823
...there's going to be a big producer
out in the front...
232
00:14:34,824 --> 00:14:39,227
...watching your show tonight. Unquote.
233
00:14:39,228 --> 00:14:43,164
Some day you're going to see
the name of Googie Gomez in lights.
234
00:14:43,165 --> 00:14:45,500
And you are gonna say to yourself:
235
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:46,768
"Was that her?"
236
00:14:46,769 --> 00:14:49,471
And then you gonna answer to yourself:
237
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,839
"That was her."
238
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:55,640
But you know something, mister?
I was always her, just nobody knows it.
239
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:03,551
- Who the hell was that?
- Googie.
240
00:15:03,552 --> 00:15:05,720
- I thought this is a bathhouse.
ABE: It is.
241
00:15:05,721 --> 00:15:07,755
- No, I mean, a male bathhouse.
- It is.
242
00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:12,078
- What she doing in here?
- Googie sings in The Pits.
243
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,696
The pits? What pits?
244
00:15:14,697 --> 00:15:17,532
- The nightclub.
- You got a nightclub in there?
245
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:20,969
We got nightclub, movies, swimming
pool, steam room, massage table...
246
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:25,770
...discoth�que, bridge, amateur night
and free blood tests every wednesday.
247
00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:28,243
ABE:
How did it go today, Mo?
248
00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:29,653
Eh.
249
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,397
[SIGHS]
250
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:36,117
Oh, boy. I don't wanna
even think what she does.
251
00:15:36,118 --> 00:15:38,286
Mo is just our accountant.
252
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:40,722
When I couldn't get a plane,
I told the cab...
253
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:43,658
...to bring me to the last place
Carmine would look for me.
254
00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:46,427
You found it.
Now, you put your valuables in there.
255
00:15:46,428 --> 00:15:48,396
- And you sign the book.
- Thank you.
256
00:15:48,397 --> 00:15:50,832
Except everybody in the world's
already in there.
257
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,568
- I need calm, safety, privacy tonight.
ABE: All right.
258
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:55,803
Keep your door locked
and stay in your room.
259
00:15:55,804 --> 00:15:58,516
Don't worry, I will.
260
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,410
"Ronald Reagan"?
261
00:16:02,411 --> 00:16:06,447
ABE: You can write John Doe for all I care.
- Any name at all?
262
00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:09,951
Abe, I'm gonna talk to the pope
about getting you canonized.
263
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:14,556
"Carmine vespucci."
264
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,691
Bensonhurst...
265
00:16:16,692 --> 00:16:18,059
"...Brooklyn."
266
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,260
Who's that?
267
00:16:19,261 --> 00:16:22,130
My maniac brother-in-law.
He was gonna kill me tonight.
268
00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:24,799
- What did you do?
- I got born and married his sister.
269
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,902
Listen, do you mind
if I ask you a personal question?
270
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,605
The man who save my life
can ask me anything at all.
271
00:16:30,606 --> 00:16:33,989
- You ever been in a place like this?
- Oh, sure.
272
00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:39,109
We got a Jack De Lane's in Cleveland.
273
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,092
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
274
00:16:48,891 --> 00:16:53,691
ABE [o vER P.A.]: 210 coming up.That's 210. Tiger, make sure it's c/ean.
275
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,706
Hey, where's room 210?
276
00:17:03,238 --> 00:17:06,970
- It's up there.
- Thank you.
277
00:17:12,481 --> 00:17:14,521
[GASPING]
278
00:17:22,725 --> 00:17:24,014
Hello there.
279
00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:26,138
Hello.
280
00:17:27,229 --> 00:17:28,863
What seems to be the trouble?
281
00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:31,032
Well, I'm looking for room 210.
282
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:33,501
Oh, well,
you just come right along with me.
283
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:35,744
Thank you very much.
284
00:17:41,377 --> 00:17:42,543
It's there.
285
00:17:42,544 --> 00:17:47,344
There will be an orgy beginning
in room 340 in exactly four minutes.
286
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:51,609
Orgy in 340, four minutes.
287
00:17:54,623 --> 00:17:57,859
I couldn't resist
taking this panettone back with me.
288
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:01,863
I just love panettone
and you can't get this brand in Cleveland.
289
00:18:01,864 --> 00:18:04,186
Do you like panettone?
290
00:18:06,235 --> 00:18:09,296
- It's right here.
- Oh, thank you.
291
00:18:18,113 --> 00:18:19,602
Uh...
292
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:21,416
Uh...
293
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:24,585
This doesn't look like room 210.
See, there are clothes here.
294
00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:28,399
You'll never guess what I made for dinner
so I'm going to tell you.
295
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,727
- I beg your pardon?
- A nice, rich, ground-pork meatloaf...
296
00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:36,798
...with mozzarella cheese center, gobs
of mashed potatoes swimming in gravy...
297
00:18:36,799 --> 00:18:41,599
...carrots floating in butter and for a salad,
avocado chunks with Roquefort dressing.
298
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:43,071
Could you just die?
299
00:18:43,072 --> 00:18:44,872
I could just...
300
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,875
- I don't know what I could...
- Then, Dutch chocolate cake...
301
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,244
...with big scoops of mocha walnut
ice cream...
302
00:18:50,245 --> 00:18:52,547
...and a fudge malted.
- It sounds delicious.
303
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,882
- You could have been there.
- I was in Brooklyn.
304
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,051
- Lf you'll excuse me.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
305
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,654
How about an �clair?
Some homemade brownies? I know.
306
00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,924
- A corned beef on rye with a nice dill pickle.
- No, really, I'm not hungry.
307
00:19:02,925 --> 00:19:04,258
[CLAUDE SQUEALS]
308
00:19:04,259 --> 00:19:06,160
How much do you weigh?
309
00:19:06,161 --> 00:19:07,628
- What?
- What is your weight?
310
00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:09,397
- Two-ten, 220?
- Two-twenty.
311
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,232
Two-twenty.
312
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,735
Jellyroll baby.
313
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,305
- You're my jellyroll man.
- I think there's some confusion here.
314
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:21,776
Jellyroll cupcake,
I'm your jellyroll fan.
315
00:19:21,777 --> 00:19:24,545
In fact, I know
there is some confusion here.
316
00:19:24,546 --> 00:19:26,080
Stop. You're hurting me.
317
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,349
I'm hurting you?
318
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:30,752
Help. Help. Help.
319
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:33,054
[CLAUDE SQUEALING]
320
00:19:33,055 --> 00:19:36,124
All right, fat man,
leave the little guy alone.
321
00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:39,127
Come. Aren't you supposed to be
in 210?
322
00:19:39,128 --> 00:19:41,763
You get up there
and don't cause any more trouble.
323
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,844
What do you think this is,
the YMCA?
324
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:48,770
Listen, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
325
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,071
Oh.
326
00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:51,561
Well, I certainly hope not.
327
00:20:05,087 --> 00:20:07,288
Hello.
328
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,159
Boy, I had
quite a little experience in there.
329
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,628
That guy's got quite a problem.
330
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:18,032
People like that shouldn't be allowed
in a place like this, you know.
331
00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:27,208
My, what unusual pants.
332
00:20:27,209 --> 00:20:29,759
They look like cowboy chaps.
333
00:20:30,679 --> 00:20:32,250
They are cowboy chaps.
334
00:20:36,251 --> 00:20:40,613
Yeah, I was just thinking
I thought they looked like cowboy chaps.
335
00:20:41,757 --> 00:20:46,557
Well, if you gentlemen will excuse me,
I'd like to get out of these clothes.
336
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:51,911
Goodbye, it was nice talking to you.
337
00:20:59,274 --> 00:21:01,112
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
338
00:21:05,914 --> 00:21:07,954
BRICK:
Hello.
339
00:21:09,251 --> 00:21:10,751
Mr. Vespucci?
340
00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:12,453
My name is Michael Brick.
341
00:21:12,454 --> 00:21:14,789
I'm with the Greybar Detective Agency.
342
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:17,058
You hired my partner
a couple of hours ago...
343
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:20,328
...to get something
on a Mr. Gaetano Proclo tonight.
344
00:21:20,329 --> 00:21:23,081
Only my partner's sick,
so I'm taking over for him.
345
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,968
Now, I believe you said
we'd find him at the Ritz.
346
00:21:26,969 --> 00:21:28,769
I just got here.
347
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:32,240
Now, what exactly did you want me
to get on him, sir?
348
00:21:32,241 --> 00:21:35,443
All I need is a room number
with you and him in it.
349
00:21:35,444 --> 00:21:39,080
That sounds easy enough, sir.
Let me see if I've got his description right.
350
00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:42,817
A balding, middle-aged fat man.
351
00:21:42,818 --> 00:21:47,618
That's not much to go on, Mr. Vespucci.
But I'll do my best.
352
00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:53,694
One of those transvestites is standing
right next to me. I'll have to...
353
00:21:53,695 --> 00:21:55,346
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
354
00:21:56,198 --> 00:21:57,498
I can't talk now.
355
00:21:57,499 --> 00:22:01,271
I think he's surrounding me
for unnatural things.
356
00:22:03,972 --> 00:22:08,772
Hey, chico, I was just going talk to you.
357
00:22:09,278 --> 00:22:11,412
Hello, boys. Is he here yet?
358
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,980
- Who?
- Who?
359
00:22:12,981 --> 00:22:14,282
What did you mean who?
360
00:22:14,283 --> 00:22:17,318
There is only one "who" I'm interested
in you telling me about.
361
00:22:17,319 --> 00:22:21,122
Listen, Tiger, you told me there was
going to be a big producer here tonight.
362
00:22:21,123 --> 00:22:24,525
I dress special. I do the hairs special.
363
00:22:24,526 --> 00:22:29,230
- Lf you are lying to me, Tiger...
- Hey, can't you take a little joke?
364
00:22:29,231 --> 00:22:30,998
My career is no joke.
365
00:22:30,999 --> 00:22:34,502
- Nobody's career is never no joke.
- We were just trying to build you up.
366
00:22:34,503 --> 00:22:37,271
Listen, I tell you something,
and I mean this.
367
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:39,874
You ever hear of instant laryngitis?
368
00:22:39,875 --> 00:22:42,877
No producer be out there tonight.
That's what I got.
369
00:22:42,878 --> 00:22:46,180
Instant laryngitis. And you and Duff
are going to do the show alone.
370
00:22:46,181 --> 00:22:48,482
Those are my words.
They come from the heart.
371
00:22:48,483 --> 00:22:52,054
And I am now officially sick.
372
00:23:05,033 --> 00:23:06,934
Come on, Tiger. Showtime.
373
00:23:06,935 --> 00:23:09,971
- What do you mean?
- Googie's Mr. Big Producer just checked in.
374
00:23:09,972 --> 00:23:13,140
- He's gonna be sitting poolside.
- Well, how we gonna manage that?
375
00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:17,011
We're not. But with a little help
from our friend here... Are you 210?
376
00:23:17,012 --> 00:23:19,680
- Yeah, something like that.
- No, I meant your room.
377
00:23:19,681 --> 00:23:22,249
- Oh, so did I.
- It's right this way.
378
00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:25,119
- Follow us.
- Thank you.
379
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,955
Boy, this place is like a Chinese maze.
380
00:23:27,956 --> 00:23:30,591
Just try to stay out of 105 from here on,
all right?
381
00:23:30,592 --> 00:23:31,759
What's in 105?
382
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,496
That's the room I had to pull you out of.
You could hurt somebody doing that.
383
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:38,566
Wait a minute, I thought that guy
was taking me to my room.
384
00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:40,835
You don't think I went in
because I wanted to?
385
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:43,838
You trying to tell us
he's a chubby chaser?
386
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:45,239
A chubby what?
387
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,041
You know. It's somebody who likes...
388
00:23:47,042 --> 00:23:51,404
- You mean, like me?
- You're right up his alley.
389
00:23:51,813 --> 00:23:53,881
I knew a guy like that once.
390
00:23:53,882 --> 00:23:56,217
I didn't know what to call him.
391
00:23:56,218 --> 00:24:00,702
"Get-Away-From-Me Claude"
was all I could come up with.
392
00:24:00,789 --> 00:24:05,589
Chubby chaser. Hey, that's pretty funny.
393
00:24:06,495 --> 00:24:10,398
Unless you happen to be the chubby
they're chasing.
394
00:24:10,399 --> 00:24:12,233
Thanks for the tip.
395
00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:17,034
- Now if you need anything, Mr...?
- Vespucci. Carmine vespucci.
396
00:24:17,606 --> 00:24:20,408
DUFF: I'm Duff, he's Tiger.
TIGER: You just holler.
397
00:24:20,409 --> 00:24:22,777
Not so fast. What about slippers?
398
00:24:22,778 --> 00:24:24,211
- Slippers?
- Slippers.
399
00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:28,292
Well, where do you think you are,
New York Athletic Club? Slippers.
400
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:31,352
Boy, you could catch athlete's foot
in a place like this.
401
00:24:31,353 --> 00:24:33,433
You're lucky if that's all you catch.
402
00:24:41,430 --> 00:24:43,230
Seclusion.
403
00:24:43,231 --> 00:24:47,164
A little simple seclusion.
Is that asking too much, God?
404
00:24:47,869 --> 00:24:51,372
ABE [OVER P.A.]: All guest arerequested to shower before entering the poo/.
405
00:24:51,373 --> 00:24:55,615
That's not us, men, it's a city ordinance.
406
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:59,113
PROCLO: Yeah?
- Are you there?
407
00:24:59,114 --> 00:25:00,948
PROCLO:
Who is it?
408
00:25:00,949 --> 00:25:02,398
Room service.
409
00:25:05,487 --> 00:25:07,487
PROCLO:
Who?
410
00:25:08,390 --> 00:25:10,991
- Go away.
CLAUDE: I've got a box of Hershey bars.
411
00:25:10,992 --> 00:25:13,360
PROCLO:
I said, go away. Ow!
412
00:25:13,361 --> 00:25:16,824
CLAUDE:
Peter Paul Mounds, Milky ways.
413
00:25:17,032 --> 00:25:19,582
PROCLO:
Go away.
414
00:25:20,335 --> 00:25:22,336
I can make you very happy.
415
00:25:22,337 --> 00:25:25,673
PROCLO: I know what you are now.
You're a chubby chaser.
416
00:25:25,674 --> 00:25:27,475
- I know.
PROCLO: Stop it.
417
00:25:27,476 --> 00:25:30,268
- How?
- I don't know.
418
00:25:32,481 --> 00:25:35,273
Are you still there?
419
00:25:39,521 --> 00:25:44,321
CLAUDE [SINGING]:
Love, your magic spell lis everywhere
420
00:25:46,394 --> 00:25:50,197
Someday he'll come along
421
00:25:50,198 --> 00:25:52,628
The man I love
422
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,313
Along came...
423
00:25:57,806 --> 00:26:00,478
who? Who? Then along came who?
424
00:26:03,545 --> 00:26:05,303
Vespucci?
425
00:26:08,283 --> 00:26:11,118
[SINGING]
Vespucci
426
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,122
I just met a boy named vespucci
427
00:26:15,123 --> 00:26:16,457
PROCLO:
Okay.
428
00:26:16,458 --> 00:26:19,226
- And suddenly that name, yeah
PROCLO: All right. You win.
429
00:26:19,227 --> 00:26:21,028
- Will never be...
PROCLO: You win, mister.
430
00:26:21,029 --> 00:26:22,363
What?
431
00:26:22,364 --> 00:26:23,631
PROCLO:
What's your room number?
432
00:26:23,632 --> 00:26:27,101
- 105.
- 105. All right, you go...
433
00:26:27,102 --> 00:26:29,403
You go down to 105
and I'll be right there.
434
00:26:29,404 --> 00:26:32,506
CLAUDE: Do you promise?
- On my mother's grave.
435
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:36,911
Get away from the door. If you're still there
when I come out the whole deal is off.
436
00:26:36,912 --> 00:26:40,848
Yeah, and if you're not down
in my room in five minutes...
437
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:44,500
...then I'm gonna come up here
and break your knees.
438
00:26:44,553 --> 00:26:46,835
Don't push your luck...
439
00:26:46,955 --> 00:26:51,599
...with Claude Perkins.
440
00:26:51,993 --> 00:26:55,336
[MoUTHING]
Claude Perkins?
441
00:26:56,264 --> 00:26:57,932
No.
442
00:26:57,933 --> 00:27:00,334
No, it can't be the same one.
443
00:27:00,335 --> 00:27:03,070
No, he's dead. He has to be dead.
444
00:27:03,071 --> 00:27:04,939
Claude Perkins.
445
00:27:04,940 --> 00:27:07,530
That's all I need now.
446
00:27:10,245 --> 00:27:11,478
No.
447
00:27:11,479 --> 00:27:12,947
Oh, no.
448
00:27:12,948 --> 00:27:15,115
Oh, please, open up. Oh!
449
00:27:15,116 --> 00:27:16,483
[DooR RATTLING]
450
00:27:16,484 --> 00:27:18,954
Hey, boy, you with the key. Boy.
451
00:27:19,187 --> 00:27:22,790
[IN HIGH volCE]
Hey, you boy, you with the key.
452
00:27:22,791 --> 00:27:26,953
Oh, boy. You with...
453
00:27:27,862 --> 00:27:29,196
[SQUEALS]
454
00:27:29,197 --> 00:27:31,117
[CLEARS THRo AT]
455
00:27:31,299 --> 00:27:35,461
My throat, I'm sorry.
Too many cigarettes, you know.
456
00:27:37,038 --> 00:27:40,474
I hear the Knicks tied it up
in the last quarter.
457
00:27:40,475 --> 00:27:42,476
Crisco.
458
00:27:42,477 --> 00:27:43,644
What?
459
00:27:43,645 --> 00:27:45,846
Crisco oil party.
460
00:27:45,847 --> 00:27:47,681
Crisco oil party?
461
00:27:47,682 --> 00:27:51,018
Room 419. Pass it on.
462
00:27:51,019 --> 00:27:52,186
Pass what on?
463
00:27:52,187 --> 00:27:54,555
- Bring Joey.
- Who's Joey?
464
00:27:54,556 --> 00:27:56,257
You know Joey.
465
00:27:56,258 --> 00:27:57,858
Don't bring Chuck.
466
00:27:57,859 --> 00:28:00,020
You got that?
467
00:28:02,130 --> 00:28:03,931
Crisco oil party.
468
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:06,333
Room 419.
469
00:28:06,334 --> 00:28:08,435
I can bring Joey but not Chuck.
470
00:28:08,436 --> 00:28:10,556
Check.
471
00:28:14,576 --> 00:28:17,448
What's the matter with Chuck?
472
00:28:17,712 --> 00:28:19,792
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
473
00:28:21,082 --> 00:28:23,651
Chuck is definitely out.
474
00:28:23,652 --> 00:28:26,564
Hey, you won't be disappointed.
475
00:28:27,155 --> 00:28:29,056
PROCLO:
Okay, wait a minute.
476
00:28:29,057 --> 00:28:30,858
Wait a minute. Be calm.
477
00:28:30,859 --> 00:28:33,294
Stay natural. Don't get hysterical.
478
00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:35,617
It's just...
479
00:28:35,697 --> 00:28:38,699
Haven't you ever heard
anyone talk to himself before?
480
00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:40,701
CHUCK:
All the time in this place.
481
00:28:40,702 --> 00:28:42,169
Hey, is your name Joey?
482
00:28:42,170 --> 00:28:46,023
CHUCK: It's Chuck.
- Stay away from me!
483
00:28:50,078 --> 00:28:51,836
[KNOCKING]
484
00:28:53,148 --> 00:28:55,249
- Excuse me.
- I'm resting.
485
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:57,685
- May I come in?
- No. No, I said, I'm resting.
486
00:28:57,686 --> 00:29:00,854
- Oh, I'm looking for someone.
- No, no. I told you, I'm resting.
487
00:29:00,855 --> 00:29:03,991
- That's okay, I just wanted to ask you...
- Hey.
488
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:07,895
What do you need,
a brick wall to fall on your head?
489
00:29:07,896 --> 00:29:09,063
Resting.
490
00:29:09,064 --> 00:29:13,864
It's a euphemism
for not interested, skinny.
491
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,800
[HUMMING]
492
00:29:39,060 --> 00:29:42,663
MAN [ON TAPE RECORDER]:
Oh, I couldn't. Are you...? No.
493
00:29:42,664 --> 00:29:44,584
[MAN STAMMERING]
494
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:50,600
Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes.
495
00:29:50,772 --> 00:29:53,974
Oh, yes, yes. Oh, God, yeah.
496
00:29:53,975 --> 00:29:56,055
[MAN GRUNTING]
497
00:29:56,111 --> 00:29:57,319
Cigarette?
498
00:29:59,681 --> 00:30:01,292
[TAPE RECORDER WHIRS]
499
00:30:02,517 --> 00:30:04,640
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
ON TAPE RECORDER]
500
00:30:12,961 --> 00:30:16,463
Telephone call for Joe Namath
in room 340.
501
00:30:16,464 --> 00:30:21,264
That's long distance
for Mr. Joe Namath, 340.
502
00:30:22,470 --> 00:30:25,239
There, you see,
I knew I wasn't a crazy person.
503
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,941
I mean, Joe Namath.
There's no way that the man...
504
00:30:27,942 --> 00:30:32,304
...who led the Jets to so many
victories could be a... You know.
505
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:35,182
"Mr. Namath,
I wonder if I might have an autograph."
506
00:30:35,183 --> 00:30:37,818
It's not for me,
it's for my 10-year-old Gilda.
507
00:30:37,819 --> 00:30:40,687
"She's a big fan of yours,
Mr. Namath, and I wondered if..."
508
00:30:40,688 --> 00:30:43,824
"Mr. Namath, excuse me,
I wonder if we might have an autograph.
509
00:30:43,825 --> 00:30:47,168
It's not for me, it's for my..."
510
00:31:03,478 --> 00:31:04,686
Mr. Namath?
511
00:31:05,146 --> 00:31:06,475
[CHUCKLES]
512
00:31:11,319 --> 00:31:13,253
You're not Joe Namath.
513
00:31:13,254 --> 00:31:15,055
Neither are you.
514
00:31:15,056 --> 00:31:18,058
- I thought you were Joe Namath.
- Oh, it's the lighting.
515
00:31:18,059 --> 00:31:22,696
- I was praying you were Joe Namath.
- I don't blame you.
516
00:31:22,697 --> 00:31:26,266
- I mean, you just had to be him.
- Are you eating your heart out, honey?
517
00:31:26,267 --> 00:31:27,801
I don't know what I'm doing.
518
00:31:27,802 --> 00:31:29,203
Join the club.
519
00:31:29,204 --> 00:31:32,940
It's like some strange heterosexual
gypsy curse was put on this place.
520
00:31:32,941 --> 00:31:34,808
- How's the orgy room?
- I haven't...
521
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:36,643
- The steam room?
- No. No.
522
00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:39,079
Well, no wonder you haven't made out.
523
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,982
- That's my son you've got in there.
MAN: Buzz off.
524
00:31:41,983 --> 00:31:46,186
One mark on that boy's body, wanda,
and I'm calling the police.
525
00:31:46,187 --> 00:31:48,922
I tried. Come on, I'll show you around.
526
00:31:48,923 --> 00:31:50,991
No, thanks,
I was on my way to my room.
527
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:52,426
Come on.
528
00:31:52,427 --> 00:31:56,096
Hey, I don't do this sort of thing
for just everybody. I'm an expert guide.
529
00:31:56,097 --> 00:31:59,299
- Hey, there's something I better tell you.
- Sweetheart, relax.
530
00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:03,170
You are not my type.
I just wanna help you find yours.
531
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:05,963
Hello.
532
00:32:10,044 --> 00:32:12,379
We said hello.
533
00:32:12,380 --> 00:32:14,114
[KNUCKLES CRACKING]
534
00:32:14,115 --> 00:32:18,018
Margaret Dumont.
We thought you were dead.
535
00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:20,521
There's a reason some of us
don't ride the subway.
536
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,456
I'm looking right at it.
537
00:32:22,457 --> 00:32:24,028
Is that supposed to mean me?
538
00:32:24,459 --> 00:32:27,561
Screw you, honey.
If there's one thing I can't stand...
539
00:32:27,562 --> 00:32:30,631
...it's a queen without a sense of humor.
Die with your secret.
540
00:32:30,632 --> 00:32:33,133
Miserable piss-elegant fairy.
541
00:32:33,134 --> 00:32:35,702
Dusty. What are you having?
542
00:32:35,703 --> 00:32:39,373
Hey, look.
There's something I wanna tell you.
543
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:41,275
I'm afraid...
544
00:32:41,276 --> 00:32:43,510
Look, I'm afraid I'm not...
545
00:32:43,511 --> 00:32:45,712
BARTENDER:
There you go, Chris.
546
00:32:45,713 --> 00:32:48,515
- You're not gay?
- No.
547
00:32:48,516 --> 00:32:50,684
CHRIS: What are you,
a social worker or something?
548
00:32:50,685 --> 00:32:51,852
Hey, wait a minute.
549
00:32:51,853 --> 00:32:55,656
You mean to tell me
that everybody here is... Is...
550
00:32:55,657 --> 00:32:57,357
Gay!
551
00:32:57,358 --> 00:33:01,479
It's not such a tough word,
you might try using it sometime.
552
00:33:01,996 --> 00:33:04,798
- Nobody the opposite?
- I sure as hell hope not.
553
00:33:04,799 --> 00:33:07,701
I didn't pay 10 bucks
to walk around with Shriners.
554
00:33:07,702 --> 00:33:11,204
Sorry. I didn't know what I was getting
into when I came here tonight.
555
00:33:11,205 --> 00:33:14,341
I am scared. I'm troubled.
I'm confused. I'm sorry.
556
00:33:14,342 --> 00:33:16,009
Hey, that's okay.
557
00:33:16,010 --> 00:33:19,913
You're gonna think I'm crazy,
but my brother-in-law is planning to kill me.
558
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,716
- Man, are you putting me on?
- Boy, I wish I were.
559
00:33:22,717 --> 00:33:25,152
- You picked a gay baths to hide out in?
- I didn't.
560
00:33:25,153 --> 00:33:28,956
I told the cab driver to bring me to the last
place anybody would look for me.
561
00:33:28,957 --> 00:33:31,158
- Don't worry, you found it.
- Sure. Yeah.
562
00:33:31,159 --> 00:33:33,560
And now I got
a chubby chaser after me.
563
00:33:33,561 --> 00:33:36,663
Why don't you just go to your room
and try to get some sleep?
564
00:33:36,664 --> 00:33:37,831
Sleep?
565
00:33:37,832 --> 00:33:41,034
Yeah, strange as it may seem,
no one is going to attack you.
566
00:33:41,035 --> 00:33:43,637
Someone already has.
567
00:33:43,638 --> 00:33:45,072
Beginner's luck.
568
00:33:45,073 --> 00:33:49,610
Now, if you will excuse me, darling,
I'm gonna try my luck in there.
569
00:33:49,611 --> 00:33:53,180
And us B girls work better solo. See you.
570
00:33:53,181 --> 00:33:57,981
[IN HIGH volCE] Hello, everybody,
my name is June. What's yours?
571
00:33:58,620 --> 00:33:59,828
MAN:
Hi.
572
00:34:33,021 --> 00:34:34,554
BRICK:
Hello.
573
00:34:34,555 --> 00:34:37,057
Mr. Vespucci.
574
00:34:37,058 --> 00:34:38,558
Michael Brick.
575
00:34:38,559 --> 00:34:41,361
It's hard getting the goods
on someone you've never seen.
576
00:34:41,362 --> 00:34:42,796
No.
577
00:34:42,797 --> 00:34:44,464
No one fits your description.
578
00:34:44,465 --> 00:34:45,666
TIGER [wHISPERS]:
That's him.
579
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,434
If you need me, I'm in room 201.
580
00:34:47,435 --> 00:34:49,302
TIGER:
Mr. Vespucci, the producer.
581
00:34:49,303 --> 00:34:51,171
He's here again.
582
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:53,454
That transvestite.
583
00:34:55,109 --> 00:34:56,276
[WHISPERS]
He?
584
00:34:56,277 --> 00:34:57,577
GOOGIE:
Cuckoo.
585
00:34:57,578 --> 00:35:01,114
Duff and Tiger told me
who you are, Mr. Vespucci.
586
00:35:01,115 --> 00:35:04,317
Yeah, well, I wish they had told me
what you are.
587
00:35:04,318 --> 00:35:08,522
I got a little laryngitis
but the show must go on, no?
588
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:10,223
- No.
- Why not?
589
00:35:10,224 --> 00:35:11,472
I don't know.
590
00:35:13,761 --> 00:35:16,930
I knew there was something funny
about that Gomez woman.
591
00:35:16,931 --> 00:35:19,866
She's not a woman.
592
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:22,335
When I grow another head's
when I'm leaving.
593
00:35:22,336 --> 00:35:24,137
Vespucci. Vespucci.
594
00:35:24,138 --> 00:35:27,541
I waited downstairs. You promised
that you were gonna come. I waited.
595
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:30,844
Vespucci, are you coming?
Vespucci, are you coming out?
596
00:35:30,845 --> 00:35:35,645
Vespucci, you...
vespucci, vespucci, vespucci, you...
597
00:35:36,184 --> 00:35:38,185
I waited downstairs. You didn't...
598
00:35:38,186 --> 00:35:41,254
I was waiting downstairs, right down...
Excuse me. I went...
599
00:35:41,255 --> 00:35:42,986
[PROCLO GASPING]
600
00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:47,627
Hey, hey, hey. Oh, vespucci, vespucci...
601
00:35:47,628 --> 00:35:49,196
[CRYING]
602
00:35:49,197 --> 00:35:53,133
It is the same Claude Perkins.
We were in the Army together.
603
00:35:53,134 --> 00:35:57,934
I thought he was dead. Why can't
he be dead? It would be nice dead.
604
00:36:03,211 --> 00:36:06,580
I don't like to bug producers
just before they catch your act...
605
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:09,011
...so I just want to tell you one thing.
606
00:36:09,650 --> 00:36:13,520
In my second number,
"Shine on Harvest Moon"...
607
00:36:13,521 --> 00:36:17,891
...the orchestra and me
sometimes get into different keys.
608
00:36:17,892 --> 00:36:19,626
But if you know, it won't matter.
609
00:36:19,627 --> 00:36:23,463
Other than that, the act is fabulous
and I just know you're going to love it.
610
00:36:23,464 --> 00:36:28,108
CLAUDE: Vespucci.
- Yes. I'm sure it is.
611
00:36:30,938 --> 00:36:34,241
You are too guapo to be a producer.
612
00:36:34,242 --> 00:36:35,408
Guapo?
613
00:36:35,409 --> 00:36:37,043
Handsome.
614
00:36:37,044 --> 00:36:39,846
Who, me?
Oh, come on, I'm ugly, I'm very ugly.
615
00:36:39,847 --> 00:36:42,983
Ah, with a face like that,
you could have been an actor.
616
00:36:42,984 --> 00:36:47,454
You still could, it's never too late.
Look at Catrina valente, vicki Carr.
617
00:36:47,455 --> 00:36:50,490
- Yeah, but they're real women.
GOOGIE: Oh, no.
618
00:36:50,491 --> 00:36:52,826
PROCLO:
They're not?
619
00:36:52,827 --> 00:36:55,629
Plastic Puerto Ricans.
620
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,197
I am the real thing.
621
00:36:57,198 --> 00:37:00,767
You are the real thing
and I knew you were in show business.
622
00:37:00,768 --> 00:37:03,870
- Me?
- Oh, I knew I'd seen you someplace.
623
00:37:03,871 --> 00:37:06,940
I was in the Cleveland Little Theater
Masque and Mummer's...
624
00:37:06,941 --> 00:37:09,042
...spring production
of Sound Of Music...
625
00:37:09,043 --> 00:37:12,379
...but I wouldn't call that show business.
- Oh, yes? What part?
626
00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:15,348
It was really more of a walk-on.
627
00:37:15,349 --> 00:37:18,084
GOOGIE:
I was in that show.
628
00:37:18,085 --> 00:37:20,984
PROCLO: You were in The Sound of Music?
GOOGIE: Oh, sure.
629
00:37:21,556 --> 00:37:22,923
Where was this?
630
00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:26,226
Broadway. The mainstream, where else?
631
00:37:26,227 --> 00:37:28,328
- The original cast?
- Oh!
632
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:31,064
I was more original
than anyone else in it.
633
00:37:31,065 --> 00:37:34,467
They fired me the first day of rehearsal,
those bastards.
634
00:37:34,468 --> 00:37:36,469
They said I wasn't right for the part.
635
00:37:36,470 --> 00:37:37,804
What part was that?
636
00:37:37,805 --> 00:37:40,874
Oh, one of those fucking Trapp kids.
637
00:37:40,875 --> 00:37:45,011
But you know what
the real reason was, mister?
638
00:37:45,012 --> 00:37:47,214
They found out what you really were.
639
00:37:47,215 --> 00:37:48,415
No.
640
00:37:48,416 --> 00:37:50,254
Seymour Pippin.
641
00:37:50,451 --> 00:37:52,352
Who?
642
00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:53,820
Oh, shit.
643
00:37:53,821 --> 00:37:56,122
Seymour Pippin.
644
00:37:56,123 --> 00:37:58,191
He was the company manager.
645
00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:01,595
If there is one man that I was born to kill
with my own two hands...
646
00:38:01,596 --> 00:38:03,207
...it's Seymour Pippin.
647
00:38:03,664 --> 00:38:05,699
But I fix them.
648
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:10,500
I picket that show until they was crazy.
649
00:38:10,571 --> 00:38:13,840
I picket. I picket. I picket.
650
00:38:13,841 --> 00:38:18,445
I picket that show every night
until I got a part in Camelot.
651
00:38:18,446 --> 00:38:20,177
[STEAM HISSING]
652
00:38:20,615 --> 00:38:24,084
- You were in Camelot too?
- Oh, sure.
653
00:38:24,085 --> 00:38:27,656
Oh, boy. That's a wonderful show.
654
00:38:28,189 --> 00:38:30,757
It's a piece of shit.
655
00:38:30,758 --> 00:38:33,693
- They fired you from that one too, huh?
- Sure, they fire me.
656
00:38:33,694 --> 00:38:37,631
What did you expect? Thanks to Seymour
Pippin, I get fired from everything.
657
00:38:37,632 --> 00:38:41,001
- I can't imagine why.
- Oh, yeah?
658
00:38:41,002 --> 00:38:43,794
You see this face? It's a curse.
659
00:38:44,639 --> 00:38:46,573
All right. Come on, keep away from me.
660
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:49,075
GOOGIE: Don't fight it.
- Believe me, you won't be happy.
661
00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:51,611
I won't be happy.
You're making a big mistake.
662
00:38:51,612 --> 00:38:53,747
- I am suddenly all woman.
- No, you're not.
663
00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:57,918
- You're someone with a lot of problems.
- Aye, make me feel like a real woman.
664
00:38:57,919 --> 00:39:00,453
That's not my department.
That's out of my hands.
665
00:39:00,454 --> 00:39:01,855
GOOGIE: Kiss me.
- Come on.
666
00:39:01,856 --> 00:39:03,023
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
667
00:39:03,024 --> 00:39:04,557
Oh, shit.
668
00:39:04,558 --> 00:39:07,230
TIGER: Let's go, Googie, we're on.
DUFF: Fuck.
669
00:39:08,329 --> 00:39:10,697
GOOGIE:
Come on, my Mr. Big Producer.
670
00:39:10,698 --> 00:39:14,367
You're going to love my show.
I got you the best seat. I seat you ringside.
671
00:39:14,368 --> 00:39:17,437
- We save the hanky-pank for later, huh?
- Hanky-pank, what?
672
00:39:17,438 --> 00:39:20,740
Googie is going
to straighten you out between shows.
673
00:39:20,741 --> 00:39:24,844
- Oh, what room are you in?
- 210. I mean, 201.
674
00:39:24,845 --> 00:39:27,747
- One.
- I be there, chico.
675
00:39:27,748 --> 00:39:31,718
Thanks a million for helping us out
like this, Mr. Vespucci.
676
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:33,128
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
677
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,427
Wanna dance?
678
00:39:40,428 --> 00:39:42,696
- What?
- Dance.
679
00:39:42,697 --> 00:39:46,590
PROCLO: Dance?
- Forget it.
680
00:39:49,403 --> 00:39:54,203
If I ever get my hands on the cab driver
that brought me here, he's finished.
681
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,547
Is this taken?
682
00:40:00,548 --> 00:40:02,830
MAN:
No.
683
00:40:13,294 --> 00:40:16,166
CARMINE:
Stay here. Don't let nobody in.
684
00:40:26,474 --> 00:40:27,923
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
685
00:40:39,954 --> 00:40:42,589
MAN:
And now, on the great Ritz stage...
686
00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:46,493
...direct from her bus-and-truck tour
with Fiddler On The Roof...
687
00:40:46,494 --> 00:40:50,230
...the sensational Googie Gomez
with Duff and Tiger...
688
00:40:50,231 --> 00:40:54,467
...those amazing, now-you-see-it,
now-you-don't, golden go-go boys.
689
00:40:54,468 --> 00:40:56,069
Here's Duff.
690
00:40:56,070 --> 00:40:58,150
[RIM SHoT]
691
00:40:58,339 --> 00:41:00,440
Here's Tiger.
692
00:41:00,441 --> 00:41:01,890
[RIM SHOT]
693
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:05,445
And here's Googie.
694
00:41:05,446 --> 00:41:07,284
[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
695
00:41:18,292 --> 00:41:20,130
[SINGING]
696
00:43:26,387 --> 00:43:28,347
[APPLAUSE]
697
00:43:31,258 --> 00:43:35,191
Thank you, thank you.
698
00:43:36,163 --> 00:43:38,485
Thank you.
699
00:43:40,334 --> 00:43:42,254
Thank you.
700
00:43:43,804 --> 00:43:46,476
Thank you, thank you.
701
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,309
And now...
702
00:43:49,310 --> 00:43:54,110
...I would like you to meet
someone very special to me.
703
00:43:55,182 --> 00:43:57,850
A man who... what can I say?
704
00:43:57,851 --> 00:44:01,321
If I say it in Spanish
you won't understand me.
705
00:44:01,322 --> 00:44:05,391
Ladies and gentlemen,
one of the all-time great producers...
706
00:44:05,392 --> 00:44:08,561
...Mr. Carmine vespucci.
707
00:44:08,562 --> 00:44:10,092
[APPLAUSE]
708
00:44:18,706 --> 00:44:23,506
GOOGIE:
And now, a salute to Cole Porter.
709
00:44:23,711 --> 00:44:25,282
[SINGING]
710
00:44:33,087 --> 00:44:35,288
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
We have an urgent telephone call...
711
00:44:35,289 --> 00:44:37,690
... for somebody called Wallyat the front office.
712
00:44:37,691 --> 00:44:42,403
That's all they said,someone called Wally.
713
00:44:42,830 --> 00:44:44,588
Jesus Christ.
714
00:44:45,065 --> 00:44:46,273
Good evening.
715
00:44:46,467 --> 00:44:47,634
Huh?
716
00:44:47,635 --> 00:44:49,235
I said, good evening.
717
00:44:49,236 --> 00:44:50,970
Well, just watch your step, Mac.
718
00:44:50,971 --> 00:44:54,192
Well, I just said good evening.
719
00:45:05,384 --> 00:45:06,818
CARMINE:
Are you in there, Brick?
720
00:45:06,819 --> 00:45:09,221
It's vespucci. Don't open.
I don't want anyone to see.
721
00:45:09,222 --> 00:45:12,691
If you can hear me, knock once.
If you can't, knock twice.
722
00:45:12,692 --> 00:45:14,259
BRICK:
"Knock once."
723
00:45:14,260 --> 00:45:16,609
CARMINE:
Are you there, Brick?
724
00:45:18,498 --> 00:45:19,664
[KNOCKS ONCE]
725
00:45:19,665 --> 00:45:22,067
Good, our signals are working.
726
00:45:22,068 --> 00:45:24,310
Now listen to me.
727
00:45:24,437 --> 00:45:28,921
Have you seen that balding, fat slob
brother-in-law of mine yet?
728
00:45:29,242 --> 00:45:30,675
[KNOCKS TWlCE]
729
00:45:30,676 --> 00:45:33,044
What does that mean, no?
730
00:45:33,045 --> 00:45:34,779
[KNOCKS ONCE]
731
00:45:34,780 --> 00:45:37,516
Okay, I think I read you.
732
00:45:37,517 --> 00:45:38,917
Now...
733
00:45:38,918 --> 00:45:42,020
...I know he's around here somewhere.
734
00:45:42,021 --> 00:45:46,057
What I don't know is how you could miss
him. He's a house. Wait a minute.
735
00:45:46,058 --> 00:45:48,380
Somebody's coming.
736
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,823
Forget it.
737
00:45:59,372 --> 00:46:02,607
Listen, Brick. None of these fruits tried
to pull anything with you, did they?
738
00:46:02,608 --> 00:46:04,276
[KNOCKS ONCE]
739
00:46:04,277 --> 00:46:05,911
Oh, my God.
740
00:46:05,912 --> 00:46:07,483
I'll make it up to you.
741
00:46:08,014 --> 00:46:12,814
Meet me in room 224 in 15 minutes.
742
00:46:13,686 --> 00:46:15,487
Knock three times. Got that?
743
00:46:15,488 --> 00:46:16,888
[KNOCKS THREE TIMES]
744
00:46:16,889 --> 00:46:19,391
Not now, stupid, then.
745
00:46:19,392 --> 00:46:21,993
You don't have to worry
about him leaving this place.
746
00:46:21,994 --> 00:46:24,529
Leaving in one piece, I mean.
747
00:46:24,530 --> 00:46:26,665
I got all my men waiting for him.
748
00:46:26,666 --> 00:46:29,434
Ain't that great, Brick, huh?
749
00:46:29,435 --> 00:46:31,036
[KNOCKS ONCE]
750
00:46:31,037 --> 00:46:33,749
I knew you'd like that.
751
00:46:36,142 --> 00:46:38,062
[MUSIC PLAYING]
752
00:46:54,193 --> 00:46:56,294
MAN:
Stay with us. There she goes.
753
00:46:56,295 --> 00:46:58,885
Yeah.
754
00:47:05,037 --> 00:47:07,709
CLAUDE:
Vespucci.
755
00:47:07,974 --> 00:47:10,976
- Vespucci.
- Aah!
756
00:47:10,977 --> 00:47:12,735
Wait, vespucci, wait a minute.
757
00:47:14,747 --> 00:47:17,482
Hold on. Hold on. Wait.
758
00:47:17,483 --> 00:47:19,483
PROCLO:
Go away.
759
00:47:19,685 --> 00:47:20,852
Go away. Get off.
760
00:47:20,853 --> 00:47:22,020
[CLATTERING]
761
00:47:22,021 --> 00:47:23,521
Leave me alone.
762
00:47:23,522 --> 00:47:24,971
[CLAUDE AND
PROCLO GRUNTING]
763
00:47:32,131 --> 00:47:33,822
[GOOGIE SQUEALING]
764
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:35,969
[GIGGLING]
765
00:47:39,272 --> 00:47:40,681
[GOOGIE SCREAMS]
766
00:47:42,775 --> 00:47:44,442
TIGER:
Sorry, Googie.
767
00:47:44,443 --> 00:47:45,651
[APPLAUSE]
768
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,840
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
769
00:47:51,083 --> 00:47:54,184
This way... vespucci.
770
00:47:56,822 --> 00:48:00,392
Where is this skinny little man
who ruined my act?
771
00:48:00,393 --> 00:48:02,943
I kill him.
772
00:48:03,763 --> 00:48:05,334
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH]
773
00:48:10,002 --> 00:48:12,392
CLAUDE:
Vespucci.
774
00:48:13,172 --> 00:48:15,172
Vespucci.
775
00:48:18,377 --> 00:48:21,089
Vespucci.
776
00:48:22,882 --> 00:48:24,171
[CLAUDE LAUGHING]
777
00:48:26,152 --> 00:48:28,984
TIGER: Googie, wait.
You can't go in there.
778
00:48:29,021 --> 00:48:31,623
You think I don't know
what goes on in this place?
779
00:48:31,624 --> 00:48:33,058
All of you men going:
780
00:48:33,059 --> 00:48:35,260
"Hee, hee, hee!
Poo, poo, poo! Ha, ha, ha!"
781
00:48:35,261 --> 00:48:37,301
TIGER:
Googie, no.
782
00:48:37,563 --> 00:48:38,830
[GOOGIE SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
783
00:48:38,831 --> 00:48:40,361
MAN:
Ow!
784
00:48:43,602 --> 00:48:45,293
[CLAUDE SCREAMING]
785
00:48:53,913 --> 00:48:58,517
CLAUDE: You could use
a good psychiatrist, mister.
786
00:48:59,251 --> 00:49:02,754
- What did you call me?
- He didn't mean it.
787
00:49:02,755 --> 00:49:04,022
Tell her you're sorry.
788
00:49:04,023 --> 00:49:08,823
CLAUDE: I haven't seen such tacky
drag since the Princeton varsity show.
789
00:49:09,395 --> 00:49:13,698
- Tacky drag?
CLAUDE: Thirty years ago, Sonny boy.
790
00:49:13,699 --> 00:49:15,430
[SCREAMING IN SPANISH]
791
00:49:18,170 --> 00:49:19,619
[CLAUDE GRUNTING]
792
00:49:23,209 --> 00:49:25,961
I'm going straight.
793
00:49:33,786 --> 00:49:36,454
Were you in there for all that?
794
00:49:36,455 --> 00:49:38,890
You don't wanna talk about it?
795
00:49:38,891 --> 00:49:43,012
- Why are you wearing your clothes?
PROCLO: I'm going to Central Park.
796
00:49:44,163 --> 00:49:46,698
CHRIS: For somebody who's
never been in a place like this...
797
00:49:46,699 --> 00:49:48,578
...you're certainly getting around.
798
00:49:49,435 --> 00:49:50,764
[WHIRRING]
799
00:49:58,210 --> 00:50:00,145
CHRIS: I thought you were
gonna stay in your room.
800
00:50:00,146 --> 00:50:01,312
PROCLO:
I can't.
801
00:50:01,313 --> 00:50:04,282
Tiger and Duff told Googie
I was Carmine vespucci.
802
00:50:04,283 --> 00:50:06,651
Claude thinks I'm Carmine vespucci.
803
00:50:06,652 --> 00:50:09,053
Everybody thinks I'm Carmine vespucci.
804
00:50:09,054 --> 00:50:11,289
CHRIS: Who are you?
PROCLO: Carmine vespucci.
805
00:50:11,290 --> 00:50:14,559
BRICK:
Are you Mr. Carmine vespucci, sir?
806
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,480
Hello, kid, you got a light?
807
00:50:16,662 --> 00:50:19,843
Are you him, Mr. Vespucci?
808
00:50:20,299 --> 00:50:22,700
- Say yes. Say yes.
- Yes.
809
00:50:22,701 --> 00:50:25,236
I'm Michael Brick.
My room's right up there.
810
00:50:25,237 --> 00:50:27,305
I'm Chris.
My room is right up there too.
811
00:50:27,306 --> 00:50:28,540
BRICK:
Hi, Chris, how are you?
812
00:50:28,541 --> 00:50:29,990
[CHRIS CHUCKLES]
813
00:50:31,944 --> 00:50:33,353
[PHONE RINGS]
814
00:50:35,114 --> 00:50:37,074
[SCREAMS]
815
00:50:52,498 --> 00:50:53,665
Now.
816
00:50:53,666 --> 00:50:57,988
This is what I thought we'd do.
Get under the bed.
817
00:50:59,472 --> 00:51:03,341
- Another one.
- All right, stay there. Stay there.
818
00:51:03,342 --> 00:51:06,444
Now, we pretend that you're him
and I'm me...
819
00:51:06,445 --> 00:51:08,813
...and the real you is under the bed.
820
00:51:08,814 --> 00:51:11,875
Only this one's the worst.
821
00:51:17,289 --> 00:51:20,191
Sit down, Mr. Vespucci.
Now, get the picture.
822
00:51:20,192 --> 00:51:23,293
The lights are low.
823
00:51:23,963 --> 00:51:26,798
He's moving down the hallway...
824
00:51:26,799 --> 00:51:28,633
...when finally he sees me.
825
00:51:28,634 --> 00:51:31,655
I'm leaning against the door.
826
00:51:31,670 --> 00:51:33,972
I put one knee up.
827
00:51:33,973 --> 00:51:35,707
I flex.
828
00:51:35,708 --> 00:51:36,916
I've caught his eye.
829
00:51:37,209 --> 00:51:38,676
I wink.
830
00:51:38,677 --> 00:51:42,180
I kind of beckon with my head.
831
00:51:42,481 --> 00:51:45,183
And finally, I speak.
832
00:51:45,184 --> 00:51:48,386
See something you like, buddy?
833
00:51:48,387 --> 00:51:50,857
I'm resting.
834
00:51:53,492 --> 00:51:55,143
That's the tough-guy approach.
835
00:51:56,228 --> 00:51:58,229
Is that your real voice?
836
00:51:58,230 --> 00:52:01,866
- Why? Does it bother you?
- No. No. No.
837
00:52:01,867 --> 00:52:04,669
- Some people find it very irritating.
- I can't image why.
838
00:52:04,670 --> 00:52:05,837
Me either.
839
00:52:05,838 --> 00:52:09,173
Of course, I'm used to it.
I've had it ever since I was a kid.
840
00:52:09,174 --> 00:52:13,974
I mean, I grew up and matured.
Only, my voice didn't.
841
00:52:15,114 --> 00:52:17,382
- Where was I?
- The tough-guy approach.
842
00:52:17,383 --> 00:52:21,119
- Oh! And then...
- I'm having a nightmare.
843
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,921
- This is where you jump out.
844
00:52:22,922 --> 00:52:24,680
You see, I'm not queer.
845
00:52:24,823 --> 00:52:27,559
Boy, you could have fooled me.
846
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:32,044
BRICK: So you're gonna have to help me
find your brother-in-law, Mr. Vespucci.
847
00:52:32,298 --> 00:52:33,932
What? My brother-in-law?
848
00:52:33,933 --> 00:52:36,601
I can't find anyone
who fits Mr. Proclo's description.
849
00:52:36,602 --> 00:52:38,069
- Who are you?
- Michael Brick.
850
00:52:38,070 --> 00:52:40,572
- What are you?
- A detective.
851
00:52:40,573 --> 00:52:41,739
[ALARM BUZZING]
852
00:52:41,740 --> 00:52:43,408
Quick, it's time. Get under the bed.
853
00:52:43,409 --> 00:52:44,576
For what?
854
00:52:44,577 --> 00:52:46,611
BRICK: I left a note by
the Coke machine saying:
855
00:52:46,612 --> 00:52:50,548
"Any middle-aged, fat, balding man
whose initials are G. P...
856
00:52:50,549 --> 00:52:54,419
...interested in a good time,
should meet me here at midnight sharp."
857
00:52:54,420 --> 00:52:57,555
Just leave everything to me.
I'm right on top of you.
858
00:52:57,556 --> 00:53:00,617
I can't tell you how comforting that is.
859
00:53:03,228 --> 00:53:05,263
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
Anyone interested in forming...
860
00:53:05,264 --> 00:53:10,064
...a Ritz softball team, contact Howard.
MAN: I'm resting.
861
00:53:12,171 --> 00:53:13,338
[KNOCKS]
862
00:53:13,339 --> 00:53:16,319
CARMINE:
I said knock three times.
863
00:53:18,944 --> 00:53:23,014
Oh, he's being masterful
with me already, the brute.
864
00:53:23,015 --> 00:53:26,217
CARMINE: That's more like it.
- I think I'm in love. Hi.
865
00:53:26,218 --> 00:53:27,719
[CHRIS GRUNTS
THEN CLATTERING]
866
00:53:31,991 --> 00:53:33,157
Ow.
867
00:53:33,158 --> 00:53:35,159
CARMINE:
Hey, let me get a look at you.
868
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:36,649
[CHUCKLES]
869
00:53:36,729 --> 00:53:38,896
I'm no judge of fruit bait,
but you'll do.
870
00:53:38,897 --> 00:53:43,067
Oh, let's just cool it, sweetheart.
This is not the Meat Rack, huh?
871
00:53:43,068 --> 00:53:45,303
You can can the fag act with me, Brick.
872
00:53:45,304 --> 00:53:48,706
Now listen, I think I've come up
with something.
873
00:53:48,707 --> 00:53:51,075
This sounds like the oldest stunt
in the book...
874
00:53:51,076 --> 00:53:53,511
...but I'm gonna hide under your bed.
875
00:53:53,512 --> 00:53:56,648
On the contrary, that's a first for me.
876
00:53:56,649 --> 00:53:58,816
You never tried
the under-the-bed technique?
877
00:53:58,817 --> 00:54:00,785
Well, not till recently.
878
00:54:00,786 --> 00:54:05,423
- What kind of a detective are you?
- Now, that's a good question, honey.
879
00:54:05,424 --> 00:54:07,225
Can it, Brick. Just can it.
880
00:54:07,226 --> 00:54:09,594
One thing I don't like is a wise guy.
881
00:54:09,595 --> 00:54:12,897
The only thing I don't like more
is a queer wise guy.
882
00:54:12,898 --> 00:54:16,791
I'm calling the shots now,
and I'm getting under your bed.
883
00:54:16,835 --> 00:54:20,972
- Uh, where am I supposed to be?
- On top of it, stupid.
884
00:54:20,973 --> 00:54:25,773
Oh, that sounds fabulous. What then?
885
00:54:27,513 --> 00:54:29,593
You know.
886
00:54:29,682 --> 00:54:32,662
Do what you have to do.
887
00:54:33,218 --> 00:54:35,920
- What's that?
- How should I know?
888
00:54:35,921 --> 00:54:38,322
Wiggle your fanny.
Shake your towel in his face.
889
00:54:38,323 --> 00:54:40,925
- Whose face?
- My brother-in-law's, you dummy.
890
00:54:40,926 --> 00:54:43,561
The guy I hired you to catch.
891
00:54:43,562 --> 00:54:47,598
Then I pop out, catching you both
in the act of fragrant delicto...
892
00:54:47,599 --> 00:54:50,001
...and, wham, we got him.
- Your brother-in-law.
893
00:54:50,002 --> 00:54:53,345
Who else?
Jesus, you're like talking to a yo-yo.
894
00:54:53,405 --> 00:54:56,240
- Dumb and dizzy, that's me, darling.
- Jesus!
895
00:54:56,241 --> 00:54:59,010
Listen, that's just a little more
of that gay humor.
896
00:54:59,011 --> 00:55:01,279
All right, all right, all right.
897
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,081
Now...
898
00:55:03,082 --> 00:55:05,431
...you go back to 201.
899
00:55:05,884 --> 00:55:07,485
Hey, wait a minute.
900
00:55:07,486 --> 00:55:10,198
- No. Not yet.
- No.
901
00:55:10,889 --> 00:55:12,657
When you get there...
902
00:55:12,658 --> 00:55:14,092
...you whistle like this:
903
00:55:14,093 --> 00:55:15,623
[WHISTLES]
904
00:55:15,661 --> 00:55:17,729
I hightail it to your room,
slide under...
905
00:55:17,730 --> 00:55:19,964
...and we're in business, got that?
- Check.
906
00:55:19,965 --> 00:55:23,234
- It's about time.
- Only I can't whistle.
907
00:55:23,235 --> 00:55:25,136
Goddamn it, you can't whistle either?
908
00:55:25,137 --> 00:55:27,004
I thought all dicks could whistle.
909
00:55:27,005 --> 00:55:28,539
Just "Stormy weather."
910
00:55:28,540 --> 00:55:30,408
Look, I tell you what, Mr...
911
00:55:30,409 --> 00:55:33,010
- vespucci. Carmine vespucci.
- Carmine vespu...
912
00:55:33,011 --> 00:55:35,646
only don't call me that.
He might hear us.
913
00:55:35,647 --> 00:55:39,500
- I need a code name.
- Evelyn.
914
00:55:40,018 --> 00:55:41,467
[SIGHS]
915
00:55:42,221 --> 00:55:43,670
No, I don't like Evelyn.
916
00:55:44,423 --> 00:55:46,324
It sounds...
917
00:55:46,325 --> 00:55:47,592
...effeminate.
918
00:55:47,593 --> 00:55:49,915
How about Bunny?
919
00:55:50,229 --> 00:55:51,796
Bunny's good.
920
00:55:51,797 --> 00:55:54,432
Bunny, you get under this bed.
921
00:55:54,433 --> 00:55:56,300
That way, I won't have to whistle...
922
00:55:56,301 --> 00:55:58,891
...and you won't have to hightail it
to 201.
923
00:56:00,405 --> 00:56:03,941
Hey, maybe you're not so dumb
after all, Brick.
924
00:56:03,942 --> 00:56:05,510
Hey, hey, hey.
925
00:56:05,511 --> 00:56:07,078
I'll tell you...
926
00:56:07,079 --> 00:56:11,879
I'll tell you one thing,
with Papa gone now...
927
00:56:16,021 --> 00:56:17,822
Papa!
928
00:56:17,823 --> 00:56:19,353
[CRYING]
929
00:56:28,801 --> 00:56:33,601
I ain't sharing no vespucci Sanitation
Services and Enterprises Inc. With no fairy.
930
00:56:34,006 --> 00:56:36,874
- Your brother-in-law's a fairy?
- He's gonna be.
931
00:56:36,875 --> 00:56:38,643
- What are you gonna do?
- Kill him.
932
00:56:38,644 --> 00:56:39,977
Oh, good.
933
00:56:39,978 --> 00:56:42,914
You know what a delitto di passione is,
Brick?
934
00:56:42,915 --> 00:56:44,849
It's a crime of passion.
935
00:56:44,850 --> 00:56:46,417
An enraged brother...
936
00:56:46,418 --> 00:56:51,218
...catching his dear, sweet sister's
balding, fat, slob husband...
937
00:56:52,224 --> 00:56:56,561
...in an unnatural act with one of
these fruitcakes from around here.
938
00:56:56,562 --> 00:56:58,642
[LAUGHING]
939
00:56:59,965 --> 00:57:02,667
There ain't no court in the country
that would convict.
940
00:57:02,668 --> 00:57:05,036
Twenty years I waited
for this night, Brick.
941
00:57:05,037 --> 00:57:07,738
You're looking at a man
of great and terrible passions.
942
00:57:07,739 --> 00:57:11,175
- Well, I can see that, Bunny.
CARMINE: What happened?
943
00:57:11,176 --> 00:57:14,212
That's how you do it around here.
Now get under this bed.
944
00:57:14,213 --> 00:57:16,514
CARMINE: Yeah.
- Yeah, go ahead. Get under the bed.
945
00:57:16,515 --> 00:57:19,684
I'll leave this door open,
you see, so he can come in.
946
00:57:19,685 --> 00:57:21,886
Go ahead. I'll be right up here on top.
947
00:57:21,887 --> 00:57:26,599
- Now, shh. Don't say another word now.
CARMINE: Right.
948
00:57:32,931 --> 00:57:35,967
ABE [OVER P.A.]: Tonight'sdouble feature in our mini cinema...
949
00:57:35,968 --> 00:57:40,089
... is All About Eve
and A Star Is Born.
950
00:57:41,740 --> 00:57:44,208
Hey, you know any good stories?
951
00:57:44,209 --> 00:57:46,244
- As a matter of fact, I do, sir.
- Skip it.
952
00:57:46,245 --> 00:57:47,545
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
953
00:57:47,546 --> 00:57:49,347
That must be him.
954
00:57:49,348 --> 00:57:51,388
Hold your horses, stud.
955
00:57:51,683 --> 00:57:53,092
It's open.
956
00:57:54,753 --> 00:57:56,153
Oh.
957
00:57:56,154 --> 00:57:59,215
BRICK:
See something you like, buddy?
958
00:57:59,625 --> 00:58:01,034
You've gotta be kidding.
959
00:58:01,193 --> 00:58:02,960
False alarm, Mr. Vespucci.
960
00:58:02,961 --> 00:58:05,296
CHRIS: Where is your friend?
- He's under the bed.
961
00:58:05,297 --> 00:58:07,887
Why not? Everybody else is.
962
00:58:08,533 --> 00:58:11,634
I always wondered
what you straight guys did together.
963
00:58:12,304 --> 00:58:14,472
Oh, now that I know,
I'm so glad I'm gay.
964
00:58:14,473 --> 00:58:18,209
Oh, yeah, that brother-in-law
of yours, that maniac?
965
00:58:18,210 --> 00:58:20,311
- Yeah. He's just down the hall.
- What?
966
00:58:20,312 --> 00:58:22,013
- And he's got a gun.
- What?
967
00:58:22,014 --> 00:58:24,015
Now he's after you, Mr. Vespucci.
968
00:58:24,016 --> 00:58:25,750
You didn't mention anything
about a gun.
969
00:58:25,751 --> 00:58:26,918
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
970
00:58:26,919 --> 00:58:28,119
CHRIS:
That's him.
971
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,054
- I'm scared.
- You're scared? Move over.
972
00:58:30,055 --> 00:58:31,355
- No room.
- I can fit.
973
00:58:31,356 --> 00:58:33,190
- I was here first.
- It's my brother-in-law.
974
00:58:33,191 --> 00:58:34,458
- It's my ass.
975
00:58:34,459 --> 00:58:36,969
PROCLO:
Answer the door.
976
00:58:40,299 --> 00:58:42,199
- Where you going?
- It's not him.
977
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,402
- Who is it?
- It's that transvestite again.
978
00:58:44,403 --> 00:58:46,504
What are you talking about?
979
00:58:46,505 --> 00:58:49,055
Oh, hello.
980
00:58:49,107 --> 00:58:53,899
- Who's there?
GOOGIE: I know you're in there, chico.
981
00:59:00,319 --> 00:59:02,601
- Now, look.
- Shh!
982
00:59:02,854 --> 00:59:05,756
Don't speak. Don't say nothing.
983
00:59:05,757 --> 00:59:07,925
Say one word,
then Googie is out on her ass.
984
00:59:07,926 --> 00:59:10,695
She is breaking every book
in the rule doing this.
985
00:59:10,696 --> 00:59:13,130
Do you know why
you don't like women?
986
00:59:13,131 --> 00:59:15,700
Because you never try it, that's all.
987
00:59:15,701 --> 00:59:17,601
Or maybe you try it and that's why.
988
00:59:17,602 --> 00:59:20,938
She was a bad woman.
Forget her. Believe me, chico.
989
00:59:20,939 --> 00:59:22,907
It don't hurt. It's nice.
990
00:59:22,908 --> 00:59:26,243
You just lay back there,
and Googie is going to show you how nice.
991
00:59:26,244 --> 00:59:29,627
- Look, I'd like to help you out...
- All right, all right. Shh.
992
00:59:32,384 --> 00:59:34,385
Think...
993
00:59:34,386 --> 00:59:36,587
...of a tropical night.
994
00:59:38,657 --> 00:59:40,524
Think...
995
00:59:40,525 --> 00:59:41,926
...of a beach.
996
00:59:41,927 --> 00:59:43,594
What "bitch"?
997
00:59:43,595 --> 00:59:47,064
The moon is shining on the sea.
998
00:59:47,065 --> 00:59:51,865
And in the distance, over the waves,
you hear music.
999
00:59:54,206 --> 00:59:55,695
[SINGING]
1000
01:00:05,717 --> 01:00:08,389
[GOOGIE, CHRIS
AND BRICK SINGING]
1001
01:00:20,832 --> 01:00:25,436
This is not gonna work, Mr. Googie.
1002
01:00:25,637 --> 01:00:28,105
- Mr. Googie?
- There's just no way.
1003
01:00:28,106 --> 01:00:30,541
Mr. Googie?
1004
01:00:30,542 --> 01:00:33,677
You thought I was a drag queen?
1005
01:00:33,678 --> 01:00:36,414
No such luck, chico.
1006
01:00:36,415 --> 01:00:39,207
You mean to tell me
that you're really a miss?
1007
01:00:41,386 --> 01:00:46,186
This is all real.
1008
01:00:49,895 --> 01:00:52,396
Yeah, they feel real.
1009
01:00:52,397 --> 01:00:55,466
I just hope I'm going to find me
some huevitos.
1010
01:00:55,467 --> 01:00:57,368
- What are huevitos?
- These.
1011
01:00:57,369 --> 01:00:58,969
- Oh!
- Aye!
1012
01:00:58,970 --> 01:01:00,905
- Oh, chico.
- Oh, no.
1013
01:01:00,906 --> 01:01:02,373
They're real too.
1014
01:01:02,374 --> 01:01:05,443
I know we're going to make such
whoopee together, chico.
1015
01:01:05,444 --> 01:01:07,445
- No, there's one thing wrong.
- Yes.
1016
01:01:07,446 --> 01:01:10,147
My brother-in-law's out to kill
and somebody's under this bed.
1017
01:01:10,148 --> 01:01:13,551
Oh, no, you don't. I'm not falling
for that old hat-and-dance routine.
1018
01:01:13,552 --> 01:01:15,986
You're not pulling no wool
over my ears so easy.
1019
01:01:15,987 --> 01:01:18,055
I swear to God there is.
1020
01:01:18,056 --> 01:01:21,292
- Never try to shit an old pro, chico.
BRICK: He's not.
1021
01:01:21,293 --> 01:01:22,726
There is someone
under this bed.
1022
01:01:22,727 --> 01:01:27,131
Us. If you wanna bounce around up there,
I'll gladly go back to my own room.
1023
01:01:27,132 --> 01:01:29,200
That is a rotten stunt, mister.
1024
01:01:29,201 --> 01:01:31,102
I could lose my job for this.
1025
01:01:31,103 --> 01:01:33,704
I throw the whole wind
into the caution to come here.
1026
01:01:33,705 --> 01:01:36,707
- Look, I can explain every...
- I don't need no explain.
1027
01:01:36,708 --> 01:01:37,875
You would rather make:
1028
01:01:37,876 --> 01:01:39,710
Hee, hee, hee, poo,
poo, poo, ha, ha, ha...
1029
01:01:39,711 --> 01:01:42,379
...with that maric�n you
got hiding under the bed.
1030
01:01:42,380 --> 01:01:44,849
- Two maric�ns, Googie.
- Who's that down there?
1031
01:01:44,850 --> 01:01:46,016
CHRIS:
It's me, Chris.
1032
01:01:46,017 --> 01:01:49,220
Oh, hi, Chris.
What are you doing down there?
1033
01:01:49,221 --> 01:01:51,021
- I wish I knew.
- You lose something?
1034
01:01:51,022 --> 01:01:52,957
BRICK:
See, the reason we're under this bed...
1035
01:01:52,958 --> 01:01:57,758
You. Not only do you got a fat boyfriend,
you maric�n hump, you got a mean one.
1036
01:01:59,698 --> 01:02:02,032
I'm not his boyfriend and I'm not gay.
1037
01:02:02,033 --> 01:02:04,835
With a voice like that,
you're no straight arrow neither.
1038
01:02:04,836 --> 01:02:06,437
I was born with this voice.
1039
01:02:06,438 --> 01:02:08,639
So was Yma Sumac.
1040
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:10,074
[PROCLO GRUNTING]
1041
01:02:10,075 --> 01:02:12,543
Where do you think you're going?
1042
01:02:12,544 --> 01:02:14,912
I'm just someone
in a lot of trouble, see.
1043
01:02:14,913 --> 01:02:16,914
You're not staying for my second show?
1044
01:02:16,915 --> 01:02:19,450
I am not a producer.
It was your two friends' idea.
1045
01:02:19,451 --> 01:02:20,618
Wait a...
1046
01:02:20,619 --> 01:02:22,486
Hey.
1047
01:02:22,487 --> 01:02:24,407
- Wait a minute.
- Hmm?
1048
01:02:25,290 --> 01:02:28,025
- Seymour Pippin.
- Who?
1049
01:02:28,026 --> 01:02:32,826
You don't fire Googie Gomez from no show
and get away with it, you bastard.
1050
01:02:34,599 --> 01:02:36,500
You think I forget your face?
1051
01:02:36,501 --> 01:02:38,469
I'm gonna tear all of your eyes out.
1052
01:02:38,470 --> 01:02:40,900
That's Mr. Vespucci.
1053
01:02:41,373 --> 01:02:43,763
- You promise?
- I promise.
1054
01:02:44,009 --> 01:02:47,077
Oh, what do you know?
I thought it was Seymour Pippin.
1055
01:02:47,078 --> 01:02:48,890
[KNOCKING ON DOOR
THEN GOOGIE GASPS]
1056
01:02:56,655 --> 01:02:58,306
It's for you.
1057
01:03:00,792 --> 01:03:03,484
BRICK: If it's him, Mr. Vespucci,
you just give me...
1058
01:03:14,806 --> 01:03:17,708
what the hell happened to you?
You said you'd be on top.
1059
01:03:17,709 --> 01:03:20,444
I've been under that damn bed so long
I can hardly walk.
1060
01:03:20,445 --> 01:03:23,714
- See something you like, buddy?
CARMINE: What the...?
1061
01:03:23,715 --> 01:03:25,513
You looking for a good time, Mac?
1062
01:03:25,817 --> 01:03:29,790
You're not Brick. Where's Brick?
What have you done to him?
1063
01:03:29,888 --> 01:03:31,055
Lie down.
1064
01:03:31,056 --> 01:03:32,690
Get your hands off me.
1065
01:03:32,691 --> 01:03:34,449
[BED SPRINGS RATTLING]
1066
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,996
- Somebody's under there.
- Just lie down and stretch out on the bed.
1067
01:03:38,997 --> 01:03:41,799
CARMINE: What are you doing?
BRICK: I'm trying to seduce you.
1068
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,034
CARMINE: Get your hands off,
I'll lay your head open.
1069
01:03:44,035 --> 01:03:45,936
BRICK: Is it him, Mr. Vespucci?
CARMINE: Yes.
1070
01:03:45,937 --> 01:03:47,638
Vespucci? I'm vespucci.
1071
01:03:47,639 --> 01:03:49,573
BRICK: Is it?
PROCLO: Yes, it's him, it's him.
1072
01:03:49,574 --> 01:03:52,977
I know that voice. What the hell is this?
1073
01:03:52,978 --> 01:03:56,113
One of them goddamn "transvestitites,"
sure you are.
1074
01:03:56,114 --> 01:03:59,717
Seymour Pippin.
1075
01:03:59,718 --> 01:04:02,653
I kill you, pendejo.
I tear your eyes out.
1076
01:04:02,654 --> 01:04:05,322
You think you can fire Googie Gomez
from a show...
1077
01:04:05,323 --> 01:04:07,324
...and get away with it, you bastard?
1078
01:04:07,325 --> 01:04:08,859
[GOOGIE SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
1079
01:04:08,860 --> 01:04:11,772
Hey, fight fair, you faggot.
1080
01:04:14,466 --> 01:04:17,434
You lay one hand on her, Mr. Proclo,
and I'm gonna break...
1081
01:04:17,435 --> 01:04:20,456
- Proclo? Proclo?
- Get him, for chrissake.
1082
01:04:21,039 --> 01:04:24,060
Step aside, miss.
1083
01:04:26,878 --> 01:04:28,489
[GIBBERING]
1084
01:04:38,290 --> 01:04:39,901
[SQUEALING]
1085
01:04:46,331 --> 01:04:47,942
[GLASS SHATTERING]
1086
01:04:53,405 --> 01:04:55,072
PROCLO:
Get me out of here, will you?
1087
01:04:55,073 --> 01:04:57,241
Oh, we were just starting
to have such fun.
1088
01:04:57,242 --> 01:04:59,810
Hey, do you know something?
1089
01:04:59,811 --> 01:05:02,746
This man is not Seymour Pippin neither.
1090
01:05:02,747 --> 01:05:05,282
- I wonder who he is?
- It's my brother-in-law.
1091
01:05:05,283 --> 01:05:06,450
[GASPS]
1092
01:05:06,451 --> 01:05:09,386
- Is he in show business?
- No, he's in garbage.
1093
01:05:09,387 --> 01:05:11,507
A gay garbage man?
1094
01:05:13,058 --> 01:05:14,266
I'm a detective.
1095
01:05:17,562 --> 01:05:19,330
Mr. Vespucci here hired me...
1096
01:05:19,331 --> 01:05:22,366
...to get something on his brother-in-law,
Mr. Proclo here.
1097
01:05:22,367 --> 01:05:26,136
So that Mr. Proclo won't inherit half
of the family business.
1098
01:05:26,137 --> 01:05:28,969
So that's it.
1099
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:30,207
GOOGIE: Amigo.
- I'll kill...
1100
01:05:30,208 --> 01:05:31,375
GOOGIE:
No, no, no.
1101
01:05:31,376 --> 01:05:34,545
Mr. Vespucci wanted to catch
Mr. Proclo and I together...
1102
01:05:34,546 --> 01:05:38,582
...so that he could commit
a delitto di passione.
1103
01:05:38,583 --> 01:05:42,286
- Look out now, you'll be in the picture.
- Oh, picture. What picture?
1104
01:05:42,287 --> 01:05:45,756
Hey. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
1105
01:05:45,757 --> 01:05:48,125
I see what you do.
1106
01:05:48,126 --> 01:05:50,861
If that man want to be here,
let him be here.
1107
01:05:50,862 --> 01:05:52,029
What do you care?
1108
01:05:52,030 --> 01:05:54,832
Listen, I don't stand still
for no blackmail.
1109
01:05:54,833 --> 01:05:58,435
I tell Tiger and Duff what you do
and you are on your ass, big boy.
1110
01:05:58,436 --> 01:06:00,771
And I thought you were nice.
1111
01:06:00,772 --> 01:06:03,121
Come on, Chris.
1112
01:06:03,141 --> 01:06:04,939
I still like Evelyn.
1113
01:06:06,578 --> 01:06:09,313
- Happy birthday, honey.
- Thank you.
1114
01:06:09,314 --> 01:06:10,981
Can't you hit him again?
1115
01:06:10,982 --> 01:06:13,717
Oh, come on now, Mr. Vespucci,
that wouldn't be ethical.
1116
01:06:13,718 --> 01:06:15,486
Ethical?
1117
01:06:15,487 --> 01:06:19,156
Your line of work and you're telling me
what's ethical? Come on.
1118
01:06:19,157 --> 01:06:21,492
Well, you really blew it this time,
Carmine.
1119
01:06:21,493 --> 01:06:26,293
By the time you get out of this place,
I'll be in Cleveland with vivian and the kids.
1120
01:06:26,531 --> 01:06:30,167
Fat man in 201. Come and get it.
He's all yours.
1121
01:06:30,168 --> 01:06:34,037
Fat man in 201. Come and get it.
He's all yours.
1122
01:06:34,038 --> 01:06:36,673
Fat man in 201.
1123
01:06:36,674 --> 01:06:39,243
Fat man in 201.
1124
01:06:39,244 --> 01:06:40,577
[PHoNE RINGS]
1125
01:06:40,578 --> 01:06:41,987
Come and get it.
1126
01:06:42,180 --> 01:06:43,347
Hello?
1127
01:06:43,348 --> 01:06:46,216
I'll fix you. You'll get nowhere
without your clothes.
1128
01:06:46,217 --> 01:06:48,519
- Come and get it.
BRICK: Michael Brick speaking.
1129
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:50,320
Fat man in 201.
1130
01:06:50,321 --> 01:06:51,789
BRICK:
I'll see if I can find him.
1131
01:06:51,790 --> 01:06:54,223
- It's for you, Mr. Vespucci.
PROCLO: Who is it?
1132
01:06:54,392 --> 01:06:56,360
Who is this, please?
1133
01:06:56,361 --> 01:06:58,529
It's Mrs. Proclo calling from a bar
across the street.
1134
01:06:58,530 --> 01:07:02,800
Shh. Mrs. Proclo?
My God, that's vivian.
1135
01:07:02,801 --> 01:07:04,668
Tell her I left.
1136
01:07:04,669 --> 01:07:08,038
I'm sorry, Mrs. Proclo, but he just left.
1137
01:07:08,039 --> 01:07:09,273
She doesn't believe me.
1138
01:07:09,274 --> 01:07:10,974
Tell her she has to believe you.
1139
01:07:10,975 --> 01:07:14,156
He says you have to believe me, Mrs...
1140
01:07:14,412 --> 01:07:17,347
She says she's coming over now.
Nothing's gonna stop her.
1141
01:07:17,348 --> 01:07:20,284
She's putting on a man's hat and coat.
1142
01:07:20,285 --> 01:07:22,365
Hello?
1143
01:07:22,654 --> 01:07:25,689
- I didn't even get to tell her the good news.
- What good news?
1144
01:07:25,690 --> 01:07:28,562
We got our man.
1145
01:07:36,401 --> 01:07:38,168
MAN:
I'm sorry, mister, but you can't...
1146
01:07:38,169 --> 01:07:39,458
oh! Ow! Ooh.
1147
01:07:49,180 --> 01:07:51,341
MAN:
You take the next one, will you?
1148
01:07:55,787 --> 01:07:57,666
[CLAUDE MOANING]
1149
01:08:03,561 --> 01:08:05,262
I'm giving you one more chance.
1150
01:08:05,263 --> 01:08:07,698
I don't know about you, Claude.
I'm in desperate...
1151
01:08:07,699 --> 01:08:09,700
- Did you say Claude?
- I never said that.
1152
01:08:09,701 --> 01:08:11,502
- Wait a minute. What...?
- No.
1153
01:08:11,503 --> 01:08:15,205
- Guy. Guy. It's you, Guy.
- Absolutely no.
1154
01:08:15,206 --> 01:08:19,109
Gaetano Proclo. The 5th division,
special services, the Philippines.
1155
01:08:19,110 --> 01:08:20,477
I was 4-F. I never served.
1156
01:08:20,478 --> 01:08:24,047
No, no. It's me, Claude. Claude Perkins.
1157
01:08:24,048 --> 01:08:25,415
Get away from me, Claude.
1158
01:08:25,416 --> 01:08:27,217
That's right. Get-Away-From-Me Claude.
1159
01:08:27,218 --> 01:08:28,585
[GRUNTS]
1160
01:08:28,586 --> 01:08:31,755
We had an act together.
A trio with Nelson Carpenter.
1161
01:08:31,756 --> 01:08:35,259
We pantomimed to Andrews Sisters'
records, remember? "Rum And Coca-Cola."
1162
01:08:35,260 --> 01:08:36,693
[SINGING]
1163
01:08:36,694 --> 01:08:41,138
The Andrews Sisters?
I hate the Andrews Sisters.
1164
01:08:41,633 --> 01:08:43,400
You hate the Andrews Sisters?
1165
01:08:43,401 --> 01:08:47,738
Look, mister, I'm in desperate trouble
and I wish you'd leave. Now get out.
1166
01:08:47,739 --> 01:08:50,774
Wait till I write Nelson Carpenter
about this.
1167
01:08:50,775 --> 01:08:54,378
ABE [OVER P.A.]:
313 coming up. That is 313.
1168
01:08:54,379 --> 01:08:57,414
You're not gonna believe
what's coming up, boys.
1169
01:08:57,415 --> 01:08:59,737
It's vivian.
1170
01:08:59,751 --> 01:09:04,551
There are other fat fish in the ocean,
Gaetano Proclo.
1171
01:09:04,589 --> 01:09:07,291
And 313 may just be one of them.
1172
01:09:07,292 --> 01:09:10,994
Not 313, Claude. Don't touch 313.
1173
01:09:10,995 --> 01:09:14,096
Just not 313, Claude.
1174
01:09:15,300 --> 01:09:16,871
[PHONE RINGING
IN DISTANCE]
1175
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:26,322
Oh, I had a hunch it would be bad
but nothing like this.
1176
01:09:27,045 --> 01:09:29,046
- Welcome to the city morgue.
- Aah!
1177
01:09:29,047 --> 01:09:32,068
Oh, forget it, mister.
That is not my scene.
1178
01:09:36,754 --> 01:09:38,754
[GASPS]
1179
01:09:43,261 --> 01:09:47,234
CLAUDE:
Looking for 313?
1180
01:09:48,833 --> 01:09:51,234
Right this way.
1181
01:09:51,235 --> 01:09:53,033
[CLAUDE STAMMERING]
1182
01:09:56,140 --> 01:09:59,343
I know it's this way.
It's around the corridor.
1183
01:09:59,344 --> 01:10:02,412
Here we go, 313, right...
1184
01:10:02,413 --> 01:10:04,843
That's it.
1185
01:10:16,761 --> 01:10:21,465
Jellyroll baby.
You're my jellyroll man.
1186
01:10:21,466 --> 01:10:22,899
[VIVIAN SCREAMING
THEN THUD]
1187
01:10:22,900 --> 01:10:24,698
[CLAUDE Mo ANS]
1188
01:10:42,553 --> 01:10:45,422
You... I'm gonna kill you, you bastard.
1189
01:10:45,423 --> 01:10:48,725
You son of a bitch,
I'll break every goddamn bone in your...
1190
01:10:48,726 --> 01:10:50,260
MAN 1 [oN RADIo]:
- Or eight-track tapes.
1191
01:10:50,261 --> 01:10:55,032
That's right, 500 all-time favoritesuper hits for only 9.95.
1192
01:10:55,033 --> 01:10:56,900
MAN 2 [ON RADIO]:
The first lady was in town...
1193
01:10:56,901 --> 01:10:58,472
[GUNSHOT]
1194
01:11:00,304 --> 01:11:03,056
CARMINE:
My clothes. Somebody stole my clothes.
1195
01:11:03,241 --> 01:11:05,676
Okay, Gaetano, I know you're in here.
1196
01:11:05,677 --> 01:11:08,267
I'm gonna find you,
if it's the last thing I do.
1197
01:11:08,713 --> 01:11:10,747
CLAUDE:
All right, all right, all right.
1198
01:11:10,748 --> 01:11:14,785
Just lie there like a beached whale.
1199
01:11:14,786 --> 01:11:17,921
Look, I'd love to stay here
and play Sleeping Beauty with you...
1200
01:11:17,922 --> 01:11:21,058
...but I've gotta get ready
for the talent contest.
1201
01:11:21,059 --> 01:11:24,670
What's in the bag?
You bring your own lunch?
1202
01:11:33,171 --> 01:11:35,923
What becomes a legend most?
1203
01:11:36,174 --> 01:11:38,174
[SINGING]
1204
01:11:51,756 --> 01:11:53,514
[APPLAUSE]
1205
01:12:05,770 --> 01:12:07,204
Thank you.
1206
01:12:07,205 --> 01:12:10,107
ABE [OVER P.A.]: Just a reminder,it is amateur night at the Ritz.
1207
01:12:10,108 --> 01:12:12,242
Oh, well, you can say that again.
1208
01:12:12,243 --> 01:12:13,612
Brick.
1209
01:12:14,412 --> 01:12:18,582
Oh, hi, there, Bunny. How's tricks?
Hey, listen, is that thing loaded?
1210
01:12:18,583 --> 01:12:21,017
You're lucky I'm not using it on you.
Where is he?
1211
01:12:21,018 --> 01:12:22,586
- Who?
- My brother-in-law, dick.
1212
01:12:22,587 --> 01:12:23,754
He was just here.
1213
01:12:23,755 --> 01:12:27,157
- And?
- He went right in there.
1214
01:12:27,158 --> 01:12:30,694
All right, get out of here.
Get out of here.
1215
01:12:30,695 --> 01:12:31,895
CLAUDE:
Oh!
1216
01:12:31,896 --> 01:12:34,997
- Who is it?
- You know goddamn well who it is.
1217
01:12:35,700 --> 01:12:36,867
[CLAUDE SQUEALS]
1218
01:12:36,868 --> 01:12:39,536
Jellyroll baby, you're my jell...
1219
01:12:39,537 --> 01:12:42,572
Get out of here, you son of a bitch.
Get out of here.
1220
01:12:42,573 --> 01:12:44,493
Get out of here.
1221
01:12:45,943 --> 01:12:48,879
Okay, Gaetano, the jig's up.
1222
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:50,451
[MOANING]
1223
01:13:03,394 --> 01:13:05,962
CARMINE: Vivian? Vivian, baby,
what have they done to you?
1224
01:13:05,963 --> 01:13:07,430
Sis, speak to me.
1225
01:13:07,431 --> 01:13:10,767
Those crazy fairies.
They molested my sister.
1226
01:13:10,768 --> 01:13:13,770
Oh, you crazy fairies, I'm gonna kill you.
1227
01:13:13,771 --> 01:13:18,215
I'll kill every last one of you.
Where are you?
1228
01:13:19,210 --> 01:13:20,861
No. No.
1229
01:13:28,519 --> 01:13:29,928
[MUSIC PLAYING
ON JUKEBOX]
1230
01:13:30,755 --> 01:13:34,224
- Your brother-in-law means business.
- What do you think I'm doing here?
1231
01:13:34,225 --> 01:13:36,660
CHRIS: You just gonna sit there?
- What's the use?
1232
01:13:36,661 --> 01:13:38,295
Well, wear a disguise.
1233
01:13:38,296 --> 01:13:41,665
I am. I thought you were mad at me.
1234
01:13:41,666 --> 01:13:44,467
I am, but I prefer you alive to dead.
I'm funny that way.
1235
01:13:44,468 --> 01:13:47,938
- Claude.
- Oh, sure, now you know me.
1236
01:13:47,939 --> 01:13:49,239
PROCLO:
You gotta help me.
1237
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:52,108
I am entered in a talent contest.
I've gotta get ready.
1238
01:13:52,109 --> 01:13:54,277
My brother-in-law is here with a gun.
1239
01:13:54,278 --> 01:13:55,712
DSo that's who that maniac was.
1240
01:13:55,713 --> 01:13:56,913
[GUNSHoT]
1241
01:13:56,914 --> 01:13:59,037
CARMINE: Brick, where are you?
- Look out.
1242
01:13:59,183 --> 01:14:00,617
CARMINE:
I'm gonna get you.
1243
01:14:00,618 --> 01:14:02,497
Come on out now. I'll get you.
1244
01:14:03,254 --> 01:14:05,603
[GUNSHOT]
1245
01:14:09,227 --> 01:14:13,396
VIVIAN: Carmine, no. No.
CARMINE: All right, I'm coming.
1246
01:14:13,397 --> 01:14:17,834
VIVIAN:
No. Carmine. No!
1247
01:14:17,835 --> 01:14:19,402
- No. No!
- What is it?
1248
01:14:19,403 --> 01:14:20,570
- What is it?
- No.
1249
01:14:20,571 --> 01:14:21,771
- What is it?
- My mink.
1250
01:14:21,772 --> 01:14:23,732
- Your mink?
- They've taken it.
1251
01:14:26,911 --> 01:14:29,412
Now, here's the plan.
1252
01:14:29,413 --> 01:14:31,481
You've gotta be Nelson Carpenter.
1253
01:14:31,482 --> 01:14:33,283
- Who?
- One of the Andrews Sisters.
1254
01:14:33,284 --> 01:14:35,652
Nelson Carpenter
was one of the Andrews Sisters?
1255
01:14:35,653 --> 01:14:36,920
It's a routine.
1256
01:14:36,921 --> 01:14:38,989
I don't know
any Andrews Sisters' routine.
1257
01:14:38,990 --> 01:14:41,224
Neither did he.
Nelson and I carried you.
1258
01:14:41,225 --> 01:14:42,492
It'll never work.
1259
01:14:42,493 --> 01:14:43,894
[CARMINE GRUNTING
THEN CLAUDE SQUEALS]
1260
01:14:43,895 --> 01:14:45,061
[GUNSHOT]
1261
01:14:45,062 --> 01:14:48,530
CLAUDE: He'll never catch us down there.
CARMINE: You'll have wings.
1262
01:14:52,503 --> 01:14:53,751
[WHISTLES]
1263
01:14:54,205 --> 01:14:58,407
Get in here and don't let anyone out.
1264
01:15:07,718 --> 01:15:09,753
Yeah?
1265
01:15:09,754 --> 01:15:11,445
[MOUTHING DIALOGUE]
1266
01:15:18,062 --> 01:15:20,263
Hold it.
1267
01:15:24,869 --> 01:15:26,707
[DOOR OPENS]
1268
01:15:44,388 --> 01:15:45,717
[SINGING]
1269
01:15:56,534 --> 01:15:57,903
[YAWNING]
1270
01:16:09,981 --> 01:16:11,470
[APPLAUSE]
1271
01:16:15,519 --> 01:16:18,555
GOOGIE: That was Guido
Cohen singing "vesti La Giubba"...
1272
01:16:18,556 --> 01:16:20,056
...from Pagliacci.
GUIDo: Terrible.
1273
01:16:20,057 --> 01:16:22,325
Don't be silly, you were wonderful.
1274
01:16:22,326 --> 01:16:24,446
GOOGIE:
Bravo, Guido, bravo.
1275
01:16:25,363 --> 01:16:29,399
Oh, it's going to be a close race tonight.
1276
01:16:29,400 --> 01:16:34,200
Our next contestant
is Mr. Sheldon Farethold.
1277
01:16:35,740 --> 01:16:39,209
Song stylist from north New Jersey.
1278
01:16:39,210 --> 01:16:41,841
- Here I go.
GOOGIE: Here he is. Sheldon.
1279
01:16:43,481 --> 01:16:45,148
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1280
01:16:45,149 --> 01:16:46,598
Huh?
1281
01:16:48,386 --> 01:16:49,957
[LIP-SYNCING]
1282
01:16:51,922 --> 01:16:53,331
Well, it's arbitrary.
1283
01:16:53,724 --> 01:16:56,476
Hey, Tony, take a look.
1284
01:17:05,069 --> 01:17:06,558
[MEN CHUCKLING]
1285
01:17:07,371 --> 01:17:09,250
I like the one in fur.
1286
01:17:09,907 --> 01:17:12,457
MAN:
It looks terrific.
1287
01:17:17,114 --> 01:17:20,255
Come on out, you fat slob.
Gaetano, I know you're in here.
1288
01:17:20,751 --> 01:17:23,503
Where are you? Expose yourself.
1289
01:17:24,121 --> 01:17:25,329
Oh, Jesus, no.
1290
01:17:25,956 --> 01:17:27,714
[GRUNTING]
1291
01:17:41,472 --> 01:17:44,107
- Come on.
- Come on, girl.
1292
01:17:44,108 --> 01:17:46,643
- Come on, girls.
PIE: Come on, honey, take it off.
1293
01:17:46,644 --> 01:17:51,444
Shake it, fat man. Shake it, baby.
1294
01:17:52,149 --> 01:17:54,471
[GUNSHOTS]
1295
01:17:55,553 --> 01:17:58,354
- Come on. What's happening?
- Get away from me.
1296
01:17:58,355 --> 01:17:59,722
- Get out.
- Come here.
1297
01:17:59,723 --> 01:18:01,253
Come here. Hide.
1298
01:18:08,065 --> 01:18:12,865
Everybody, slow down.
Nobody's going nowhere.
1299
01:18:13,204 --> 01:18:16,172
And give me some lights.
I wanna see who I'm talking to.
1300
01:18:16,173 --> 01:18:20,186
Not on me, you dumb fruit.
I want the room lights.
1301
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:26,483
Okay. I want all the fairies in the pool.
1302
01:18:26,484 --> 01:18:28,852
- What about us butch types, boss?
- Shut up, you.
1303
01:18:28,853 --> 01:18:30,353
It's me, Bunny, Brick.
1304
01:18:30,354 --> 01:18:33,293
You're fired. Go on. Get in there.
1305
01:18:33,991 --> 01:18:37,602
- Bunny, my hair.
- Get in there.
1306
01:18:39,196 --> 01:18:41,236
[CLAUDE SQUEAKING]
1307
01:18:41,599 --> 01:18:45,201
Jesus, I can't believe it.
A good-Iooking, rugged boy like you.
1308
01:18:45,202 --> 01:18:47,833
- Believe what, sir?
- I believe it. Get going.
1309
01:18:48,539 --> 01:18:50,659
Come on.
1310
01:18:50,908 --> 01:18:52,208
VIVIAN:
Carmine, please.
1311
01:18:52,209 --> 01:18:53,643
CARMINE:
You shut up too, vivian.
1312
01:18:53,644 --> 01:18:55,378
I just want my mink.
1313
01:18:55,379 --> 01:18:57,013
You'll get your mink.
1314
01:18:57,014 --> 01:18:58,882
Will you let me handle this?
1315
01:18:58,883 --> 01:19:00,216
He's in here somewhere.
1316
01:19:00,217 --> 01:19:02,015
JOEY:
Wait a minute.
1317
01:19:02,353 --> 01:19:05,321
All this because some fat woman
who lost her mink?
1318
01:19:05,322 --> 01:19:07,857
One more word out of you,
you transvestitite...
1319
01:19:07,858 --> 01:19:09,737
what did you call me?
1320
01:19:09,860 --> 01:19:11,027
Careful, Googie.
1321
01:19:11,028 --> 01:19:12,896
You make me see red, mister.
1322
01:19:12,897 --> 01:19:16,166
And when I see red, I tear you apart.
1323
01:19:16,167 --> 01:19:18,879
Shit. You think I'm scared of a little gun?
1324
01:19:18,903 --> 01:19:21,037
[BELICIC AND HUGSNY
NoT HUGGING]
1325
01:19:21,038 --> 01:19:22,305
That's okay, mister.
1326
01:19:22,306 --> 01:19:25,327
If you don't bother me,
I don't bother you.
1327
01:19:27,811 --> 01:19:30,480
CARMINE: All right, the rest
of you in there. Get in there.
1328
01:19:30,481 --> 01:19:32,048
Come on, in there.
1329
01:19:32,049 --> 01:19:34,784
Come on, get in there.
Get in there, all of you.
1330
01:19:34,785 --> 01:19:36,819
CARMINE:
All right, pool time, everybody.
1331
01:19:36,820 --> 01:19:39,322
Come on, everybody. Come on. Come on.
1332
01:19:39,323 --> 01:19:40,790
You listen to me, idiots.
1333
01:19:40,791 --> 01:19:44,160
Seniors. I don't wanna see a dry fairy
in the house.
1334
01:19:44,161 --> 01:19:45,595
MAN 1:
Oh, my mascara's running.
1335
01:19:45,596 --> 01:19:47,830
MAN 2: Oh, God!
MAN 3: It's running.
1336
01:19:47,831 --> 01:19:49,791
MAN 1: What a night!
MAN 2: My leg...
1337
01:19:51,969 --> 01:19:54,641
Christ, another one.
1338
01:20:02,746 --> 01:20:05,982
You really know how to mess up
an act, you know that, mister?
1339
01:20:05,983 --> 01:20:09,519
- You know what they call people like you?
- Fashionable.
1340
01:20:09,520 --> 01:20:14,320
- Get in there. Get in there.
- All right, all right.
1341
01:20:21,198 --> 01:20:22,929
Well, I guess that makes it you.
1342
01:20:25,636 --> 01:20:27,797
Look at you!
1343
01:20:28,005 --> 01:20:30,677
I could vomit.
1344
01:20:31,475 --> 01:20:34,576
- Jesus, Mary and Joseph, is that her mink?
- Yeah.
1345
01:20:35,312 --> 01:20:37,647
CARMINE: All right, give it back.
VIVIAN: I don't want it.
1346
01:20:37,648 --> 01:20:41,017
That's not my Gaetano.
I wanna go home.
1347
01:20:41,018 --> 01:20:43,086
- Okay, Gaetano, the jig's up.
- All right.
1348
01:20:43,087 --> 01:20:44,487
Take the crap off.
1349
01:20:44,488 --> 01:20:47,857
The wig, the glasses, the moustache,
the mink. Everything.
1350
01:20:47,858 --> 01:20:49,066
Okay.
1351
01:20:49,326 --> 01:20:52,729
I want you all to meet
my splendid brother-in-law, Gaetano Proclo.
1352
01:20:52,730 --> 01:20:54,831
That's not Mr. Proclo. He is.
1353
01:20:54,832 --> 01:20:56,532
- Who is?
- You are.
1354
01:20:56,533 --> 01:20:58,533
Who? Who?
1355
01:20:58,669 --> 01:21:00,737
[CARMINE GRUNTING]
1356
01:21:00,738 --> 01:21:02,187
PROCLO:
Keep it quiet.
1357
01:21:05,242 --> 01:21:07,210
I don't wanna hear that voice.
1358
01:21:07,211 --> 01:21:09,012
[VIVIAN CRYING]
1359
01:21:09,013 --> 01:21:11,403
Don't cry, viv.
1360
01:21:12,750 --> 01:21:15,251
"Don't cry," he says.
1361
01:21:15,252 --> 01:21:19,122
Look at him like that,
telling me not to cry.
1362
01:21:19,123 --> 01:21:20,657
Do you want your coat back?
1363
01:21:20,658 --> 01:21:24,127
Oh, look at my husband,
the man in the mink coat.
1364
01:21:24,128 --> 01:21:28,698
Oh, I can't wait to go to bingo
with you like that next week.
1365
01:21:28,699 --> 01:21:31,834
But I won't be there, if God is merciful...
1366
01:21:31,835 --> 01:21:34,203
...because I'm gonna have
a heart attack here.
1367
01:21:34,204 --> 01:21:37,273
This is grounds for annulment, sis.
I asked Father Catini.
1368
01:21:37,274 --> 01:21:40,476
I don't want an annulment, I wanna die.
1369
01:21:40,477 --> 01:21:42,048
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]
1370
01:21:48,585 --> 01:21:53,385
Vivian. Vivian, what are you doing?
You can't even swim. Don't.
1371
01:21:55,726 --> 01:21:57,226
Well...
1372
01:21:57,227 --> 01:21:59,962
...is this what you wanted, Carmine?
1373
01:21:59,963 --> 01:22:02,799
Boy, I can understand you hating me
as a brother-in-law...
1374
01:22:02,800 --> 01:22:05,868
...but killing someone
over a garbage company?
1375
01:22:05,869 --> 01:22:09,050
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]
1376
01:22:11,508 --> 01:22:14,110
You're married to a flaming homo,
that's perche...
1377
01:22:14,111 --> 01:22:16,079
[CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]
1378
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:19,582
- He came here tonight, didn't he?
- A cab driver brought me here.
1379
01:22:19,583 --> 01:22:21,017
Because you told him to.
1380
01:22:21,018 --> 01:22:22,752
I never heard of this place.
1381
01:22:22,753 --> 01:22:26,055
You see that, vivian? Even a cab driver
knows what a fata he is.
1382
01:22:26,056 --> 01:22:29,828
I just hope you're not gonna insist
on mentioning this in confession.
1383
01:22:29,927 --> 01:22:33,229
For my sake, for the children,
please, don't tell about this.
1384
01:22:33,230 --> 01:22:34,997
I wasn't planning to.
1385
01:22:34,998 --> 01:22:38,935
It's just a phase you're going through.
Last year, it was miniature golf.
1386
01:22:38,936 --> 01:22:42,205
How the hell do you prove something
like this to your own wife?
1387
01:22:42,206 --> 01:22:45,241
Okay, Carmine, I give up. You win.
1388
01:22:45,242 --> 01:22:48,511
Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.
1389
01:22:48,512 --> 01:22:50,913
Get off of me.
1390
01:22:50,914 --> 01:22:54,015
PROCLO:
Don't splash. Don't splash.
1391
01:22:55,786 --> 01:22:59,357
CARMINE: Get out of here,
you pest. Get out of here.
1392
01:22:59,556 --> 01:23:02,625
- Let's get out of here.
- Vivian, wait.
1393
01:23:02,626 --> 01:23:05,767
Don't you even speak to my sister.
1394
01:23:06,764 --> 01:23:09,699
Come on, let's get out of here.
1395
01:23:09,700 --> 01:23:12,068
Thirty-seven thousand, five hundred
on the week.
1396
01:23:12,069 --> 01:23:15,905
The rain killed us tonight, and next week
we got the Jewish holidays coming up.
1397
01:23:15,906 --> 01:23:18,296
Well, good night, boss.
1398
01:23:18,542 --> 01:23:20,176
Who is that?
1399
01:23:20,177 --> 01:23:21,644
Oh, it was just a person.
1400
01:23:21,645 --> 01:23:25,725
- She called you "boss."
- A lot of people call me boss.
1401
01:23:29,820 --> 01:23:32,841
It's not what you're gonna think, vivian.
1402
01:23:32,856 --> 01:23:37,656
"Vespucci Enterprises, Inc.
Carmine vespucci, president."
1403
01:23:39,630 --> 01:23:42,231
- This is a statement.
- I was gonna tell you about it.
1404
01:23:42,232 --> 01:23:45,468
VIVIAN: We own this place?
- Papa done a lot of expanding.
1405
01:23:45,469 --> 01:23:47,937
We own this place, Guy.
1406
01:23:47,938 --> 01:23:50,907
He don't have to know.
This isn't the place to talk about it.
1407
01:23:50,908 --> 01:23:53,376
You knew what kind of place this was
all the time.
1408
01:23:53,377 --> 01:23:55,445
CARMINE:
So did he. That's why he came here.
1409
01:23:55,446 --> 01:23:58,181
I can't help it if we own it.
It was just a coincidence.
1410
01:23:58,182 --> 01:24:00,416
- What kind of a cab did you come in?
- What?
1411
01:24:00,417 --> 01:24:03,252
What kind of a cab did you come in?
1412
01:24:03,253 --> 01:24:06,656
- It was the opera. Aida Cab.
- Aida Cab.
1413
01:24:06,657 --> 01:24:09,559
- We own that company.
- We do?
1414
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,561
What did the driver look like, Guy?
1415
01:24:11,562 --> 01:24:14,263
- All I remember about him is his stutter.
- His stutter?
1416
01:24:14,264 --> 01:24:17,934
- Yeah, he stuttered and smoked pot.
- Cousin Tito.
1417
01:24:17,935 --> 01:24:19,135
I should have guessed.
1418
01:24:19,136 --> 01:24:21,804
It's gonna be very hard
to forgive you for this.
1419
01:24:21,805 --> 01:24:23,372
I don't want no forgiving.
1420
01:24:23,373 --> 01:24:25,641
VIVIAN: Take the hit off of him, Carmine.
- Vivian!
1421
01:24:25,642 --> 01:24:26,809
- Take it off.
- No.
1422
01:24:26,810 --> 01:24:28,945
If you don't, I'm gonna tell Frankie...
1423
01:24:28,946 --> 01:24:32,248
...about you muscling in on the bingo
at the feast of St. Anthony's.
1424
01:24:32,249 --> 01:24:36,786
And he is gonna put a hit out on you
and you're gonna be wearing cement shoes.
1425
01:24:36,787 --> 01:24:40,990
There's gonna be more grief and less peace
in our fucking family than there already is.
1426
01:24:40,991 --> 01:24:44,760
- "Get Proclo." You heard Papa.
- I got Proclo. Now, take it off, Carmine.
1427
01:24:44,761 --> 01:24:45,928
I'll lose face.
1428
01:24:45,929 --> 01:24:49,532
- Not under the East River.
- Shit!
1429
01:24:49,533 --> 01:24:52,068
Now, I wanna see you two
forgive each other.
1430
01:24:52,069 --> 01:24:53,948
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
1431
01:24:54,171 --> 01:24:55,660
[PROCLO SCOFFING]
1432
01:24:57,241 --> 01:25:00,409
I wouldn't kiss him for a million dollars.
1433
01:25:00,410 --> 01:25:02,545
That's exactly what's it's worth, Guy.
1434
01:25:02,546 --> 01:25:05,448
- I wouldn't kiss him, period.
- For me. For me.
1435
01:25:05,449 --> 01:25:07,083
- Kiss. Kiss him.
- Hmm?
1436
01:25:07,084 --> 01:25:10,265
MAN 1: Yeah.
MAN 2: Kiss him.
1437
01:25:10,654 --> 01:25:12,121
MAN 3:
Come on, kiss.
1438
01:25:12,122 --> 01:25:13,623
Hey.
1439
01:25:13,624 --> 01:25:15,091
VIVIAN:
Kiss him, Carmine.
1440
01:25:15,092 --> 01:25:16,859
[STAMMERING]
1441
01:25:16,860 --> 01:25:19,840
PROCLO: Hey.
MAN 1: Hey.
1442
01:25:21,832 --> 01:25:24,166
MAN 2: Hey.
MAN 3: Hey.
1443
01:25:24,167 --> 01:25:25,925
MEN:
Hey!
1444
01:25:26,436 --> 01:25:29,308
[CARMINE SCREAMS
THEN GRUNTS]
1445
01:25:30,173 --> 01:25:31,542
[MEN CHEERING]
1446
01:25:36,380 --> 01:25:39,982
You can go
fangoo/ yourself, Carmine.
1447
01:25:39,983 --> 01:25:42,151
It's people like you
that belong in garbage.
1448
01:25:42,152 --> 01:25:45,621
It's people like me that just marry into it.
Get him out of here, men.
1449
01:25:45,622 --> 01:25:48,024
Into the steam room, girls.
1450
01:25:48,025 --> 01:25:50,192
[MEN SINGING]
1451
01:25:50,193 --> 01:25:51,643
CARMINE:
Hey, don't touch me.
1452
01:25:52,729 --> 01:25:55,097
Don't touch me.
Hey, you get your hands off me.
1453
01:25:55,098 --> 01:25:56,532
ABE [o vER P.A.]:
Okay, everybody.
1454
01:25:56,533 --> 01:26:01,137
Tonight's talent contest has been wonby Claude Perkins and partners.
1455
01:26:01,138 --> 01:26:02,471
TIGER:
We're sorry, Googie.
1456
01:26:02,472 --> 01:26:05,141
You build someone up like that
and it's all a lie.
1457
01:26:05,142 --> 01:26:07,643
That is a low-down,
dirty trick you've made.
1458
01:26:07,644 --> 01:26:09,412
Hey, do you believe that?
1459
01:26:09,413 --> 01:26:12,848
They told me
Mr. Big was going to be here tonight.
1460
01:26:12,849 --> 01:26:14,750
Who's Mr. Big?
1461
01:26:14,751 --> 01:26:16,319
Who's Mr. Big?
1462
01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:20,957
Only the man who produces miracles.
A producer, who else?
1463
01:26:20,958 --> 01:26:25,294
- My uncle's a producer, Miss Gomez.
- Oh, yeah?
1464
01:26:25,295 --> 01:26:27,029
- What's he produce?
- Shows.
1465
01:26:27,030 --> 01:26:30,366
Legitimate shows?
I don't do no dirty stuff.
1466
01:26:30,367 --> 01:26:34,569
Right now, I think he's casting Oklahoma
for a dinner theater.
1467
01:26:34,571 --> 01:26:38,674
Oklahoma.
It's a stretch, but I could do that part.
1468
01:26:38,675 --> 01:26:43,412
Listen, you could get me
an audition with him?
1469
01:26:43,413 --> 01:26:45,548
- Oh, sure thing.
- Oh, good.
1470
01:26:45,549 --> 01:26:49,719
I tell you what,
I see you in Bimbi's across the street.
1471
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:54,520
We run into my boyfriend, Hector,
we tell him you're my agent.
1472
01:26:55,392 --> 01:26:57,360
I see you two skunks later.
1473
01:26:57,361 --> 01:26:58,995
I thought you quit.
1474
01:26:58,996 --> 01:27:01,668
That's show business.
1475
01:27:02,532 --> 01:27:05,713
You really got an uncle
who's in show business?
1476
01:27:06,269 --> 01:27:08,981
Seymour Pippin. He's a producer.
1477
01:27:10,273 --> 01:27:13,884
Forget it, mister. Come on, Tiger.
1478
01:27:14,077 --> 01:27:16,479
CHRIS: I suppose you're wondering
what happened to Bunny.
1479
01:27:16,480 --> 01:27:19,215
Entered her in the
Princess Margaret look-alike contest.
1480
01:27:19,216 --> 01:27:21,350
First prize is a gay guide to Leningrad.
1481
01:27:21,351 --> 01:27:25,521
We also called the 16th Precinct,
they'll be right over for him.
1482
01:27:25,522 --> 01:27:28,791
Hey, listen.
Thanks for helping me tonight.
1483
01:27:28,792 --> 01:27:32,461
Oh, you just let me know the
next time you three are coming in.
1484
01:27:32,462 --> 01:27:34,630
I wanna be sure not to be here.
1485
01:27:34,631 --> 01:27:38,267
If you're ever in Cleveland,
vivian makes a great lasagna.
1486
01:27:38,268 --> 01:27:42,040
That's the best offer I've had all night.
1487
01:27:43,240 --> 01:27:45,541
- Who was he talking about?
- Carmine.
1488
01:27:45,542 --> 01:27:47,376
Oh, you gotta do something
for him.
1489
01:27:47,377 --> 01:27:48,577
Don't worry, I will.
1490
01:27:48,578 --> 01:27:50,913
VIVIAN: Promise me?
- On Papa's grave.
1491
01:27:50,914 --> 01:27:52,415
[SOBBING]
Papa.
1492
01:27:52,416 --> 01:27:54,884
PROCLO:
Not your papa's, mine.
1493
01:27:54,885 --> 01:27:56,334
Oh.
1494
01:28:06,430 --> 01:28:08,900
VIVIAN:
Come on, Guy, let's go.
1495
01:28:13,904 --> 01:28:16,226
Don't tell me what...
Get out of here.
1496
01:28:16,973 --> 01:28:20,154
I wanna know... Look, I got friends...
1497
01:28:20,343 --> 01:28:24,397
I walk in off the street,
a guy pulls a...
1498
01:28:25,849 --> 01:28:27,016
we'll go together.
1499
01:28:27,017 --> 01:28:29,385
Hey, listen, I'm not a gay.
Watch the hair.
1500
01:28:29,386 --> 01:28:34,186
Come on, listen, will you guys?
I got a wife and two kids.
1501
01:28:35,826 --> 01:28:37,493
PROCLO:
Oh, no.
1502
01:28:37,494 --> 01:28:41,105
Viv, I've left my wallet in there.
1503
01:28:56,179 --> 01:29:00,979
CHRIS: Orgy, orgy.
They'll be an orgy in 340.
1504
01:29:14,321 --> 01:29:17,850
THE END
114569
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.