Original subtitles

Previously, on The Magicians...

Are you Santa Claus?

Well, I'm not not that.

Magic's gone.

I'm not a magician, but I could feel it when it was gone,

and I knew it wasn't a coincidence when I went into remission a week later.

What timeline are you from?

The one where you owe me child support.

I'm kidding.

Okay, then if you want me to help these students,

can you tell me who they are?

Their lives were in grave danger.

I cast a spell that erased their identities...

...and gave them new ones.

I mean, isn't there anything you can do?

If I reveal that the spell can be reversed,

then someone would reverse the spell.

Bacchus, what are you doing here?

Why do you want everyone thinking you're Ember?

Thanks for popping in.

Oh, my God.

Mis hermanos.

Where were you? We looked everywhere.

-Stay back. -Why?

Because I'm not here to play.

Marina?

Why do you look like you're fleeing something?

It's me, Margo, previously known as Janet.

Look, I'm gonna do you a solid, don't go up there.

Why?

Because there's an uninvited guest in my apartment.

Who's probably killing your friends right about now.

Look, I don't know what he is, and I'm assuming it's a he

because this is some toxically masculine behavior,

but he walked through every ward and shield I had,

set off every alarm.

So instead of going inside, I'm going to get a breakfast burrito.

You wanna join?

We have to help them.

Oh, you're one of those.

Fine.

You want to stick your neck out.

There's something inside that can help you.

Do tell.

No traveling.

Where to start?

Order is important with these things.

Who goes first, who goes last.

Oh, you keep looking at him.

Because you don't want him to die...

...which means he has to go before you.

You care about all of them,

so you're last.

Thank Christ.

Wait, wait, wait.

Not...Eliot.

This thing has god-level power.

And I have a bad history with gods, since apparently one killed me.

No, it's fine, different me.

But I didn't want to get caught off guard again.

So I called in every favor I had to build a defense system.

All you have to do is get him to sit in the gold chair.

Why the gold chair?

Because it had to be something

and everybody wants to sit in the gold chair,

it's a total power move.

I'm so glad you came.

Saves me having to hunt you down.

I've got so much of that ahead of me already.

What is he talking about?

He's hunting gods.

Vengeance for...

...locking you in the castle.

They did more than that.

And so did you.

You tried to kill me.

You were all part of it.

Then what?

There's a bell on the table.

Ring it.

And he explodes?

He gets a face full of distilled ambrosia.

It's basically meth for gods.

It gets them high,

but an overdose will knock them on their asses.

Tell me Eliot is still in there, somewhere.

Not that I've seen.

Your round innocent face

will make your death particularly upsetting.

So I've decided to start with you.

I can give you Bacchus.

You're hunting gods.

And I found him, hiding someplace far away.

Hiding from you, right?

I can take you there...

...if you let them live.

All of them.

Perhaps we can be friends after all.

So where is everyone else?

I don't know.

You were supposed to remain hidden.

I meant to protect you.

Doesn't really seem like I need protection.

I mean, nothing your spell threw at me left a scratch.

Reynard did say even without their powers,

gods are hard to kill.

I wouldn't underestimate the will of Irene McAllistair.

You tell a few people that you're leaving forever

and look what the ungrateful bastards do.

Yes.

You know, if the deal is broken

and the McAllistairs are coming,

I'm going to have to warn everyone.

Contacting your friends will put a target on their backs.

To be clear,

you put the target on our backs.

You betrayed us.

I sacrificed everything to bring back magic.

You know what I sacrificed.

And look what you did with it.

Yes, Miss Wicker.

I made a deal…

…with the god damn Library.

And in doing so, I saved your lives.

Yeah, well, you're pretty fucking quick to compromise, you know that?

Now, I need to find my friends, but I can't do magic.

So you are going to cast the locator spell for me.

Dean Fogg. Finally.

I only have a moment.

You know how the Library contains the books of everyone who ever lived.

Yeah.

The Great Blank Spot is over.

The Library can update their books again.

So if your friends were to get their memories back,

the Library would know.

They'd try to find them.

To keep them safe.

From the Monster…

…that you warned us about.

You're telling me they have books

that describe every damned thing everyone does or ever will do

when you're sleeping, when you're awake, naughty or nice?

You know how much time that would have saved me?

Could we please not with the Santa stuff right now?

Could you please not with the angsty nerdy stuff, huh?

No, because that's who you are and I don't judge you for it.

Dean Fogg was trying to give me a message.

Look, if we escape they'll just read our books,

find out where we are and come after us.

So we just take the books with us.

Or destroy them.

But first we have to actually escape.

I can get us to the fireplace.

Just be ready.

All I'm offering is a location.

The rest is on you.

Knowing where Bacchus is doesn't help me if he runs away

which he'll do the second I show up.

You see my problem?

And how maybe it is just easier to kill you all?

Do you know what this is?

Where did you get that?

I didn't.

But I know that enough of it

will mess up a god long enough for you to do whatever you need to do.

Excuse me, Margo?

Quick talk?

Could you stop volunteering?

I know Bacchus, he's a friend.

Great!

Then you'll poison him.

He'll never suspect a friend.

I could always kill you.

Awesome.

Great choices.

Well, let's get going then.

Guys, in case it even needs to be said, I know Marina.

She is not a helpful person.

So just act accordingly.

Of course I'm getting paid.

The McAllistairs have a bounty on your heads.

Dead or alive.

The real you's, not the witness protection identities.

So you see how it would be profitable for me to get you back to normal?

What are they offering?

Three Deweys.

The hell is a Dewey?

As in Melvil Dewey?

The most famous librarian of all time?

He has his own decimal system?

Well, I think you're being generous with the word famous.

Okay, so, in the New World Order,

there's just enough magic in the air to keep the boring masses fat and happy.

But you get an itch to do something bigger,

you have to file a request with the Library.

They decide if you're trustworthy,

and they give you a cute little battery in the shape of a coin.

They put the faces of famous librarians on there,

but Dewey's the only one people can remember.

Well, and Laura Bush, but Bushes just never stuck.

All right, well, we'll pay the bounty ourselves.

How are you going to get Deweys?

I don't know. But we'll figure it out We always…

Sometimes.

Most of the time...we do.

Five Deweys, to make it worth the delay.

And know that I have trackers on all of you.

So if you try to run,

won't go your way.

Don't drink all my beer.

Seems like this is the place?

It is.

Those are Maenads.

Bacchus' followers.

Get to it, then.

And if they have pizza...

...bring me some.

We can still find a way out.

We already did, this is it, we're doing it right now.

You had a weapon that could have stopped him.

And instead of using it, you gave it to him.

We tried that already, with Julia's god-killing bullet.

All it did was kill the Monster's host.

Which, in this case, is Eliot.

Who, for all we know, is dead.

Or he's trapped in there,

forced to watch everything the Monster does,

just waiting for us to find a way to help him.

What are you going to slip the ambrosia into?

I guess I'll make a Fillorian version of his favorite drink.

Margarita.

But instead of salt on the rim, it will be…

God meth. Perfect.

Now go poison his ass so we can get out of this malarial swamp.

You know what's incredible?

How you can be such a good friend

and such a terrible friend at the exact same time.

There's not a lot that I can relate to in this world.

People here are...

Well...

...people, generally, and me not so much.

But I relate to you.

I hate being alone.

I don't like being left with my own thoughts, such as they are.

I need friends.

One way of making friends is not murdering everyone you meet.

Yes.

You get my dilemma.

But you're like me.

Josh said so.

A bad friend and a good friend at the same time.

How do you do it?

I have no choice.

You were friends with Eliot.

Very best friends.

Now you can be friends with me.

It'll be the same.

You can show me how to be more like him.

No.

I love Eliot.

I would do anything for him. Even help you.

But you and I, we will never be friends.

Unless you let me talk to him.

Prove he's still alive in there.

I can't do that.

But you could let him go.

You could choose a new body.

But I like this one.

I like the way people look at me.

And you and your friends care so deeply about what happens to it.

Why would I ever leave it?

Hi.

Here to see Bacchus.

Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.

It's… It's Ember's.

Bacchanal is the word you're looking for.

Cut the crap, Shoshana. It's me, Josh, from the Bed-Stuy party?

-Come on. -I didn't think you'd remember me.

Well, it's actually, you know, it's really good that you're here

because he's been darker the last few weeks,

and I think a friendly face could really help.

Great.

Hey, Q. Oh, my God.

Hey.

Where have you been? We couldn't find you.

Enrolled at Brakebills. She said you're fully aware of the irony.

I just…

I don't know where to start.

Have you heard anything about Alice?

No.

No, I mean not since she completely screwed us over at Blackspire.

Why? Where's everyone else?

If the Library is going to arrest us on sight,

how do we get one of these coins, much less five?

I asked around, so there might be another way.

The Library's official story is that

the McAllistair family heroically turned magic back on.

So they gave them a free pass to as many coins as they want.

They give them these special cards with no limits and no questions asked.

Only a few of them exist and hedges are calling them Black Cards.

We could steal one.

If you steal a credit card, it only works until it's reported stolen.

With something this valuable, that's going to happen pretty damn quick.

A forgery, maybe.

Good enough to fool the Library?

I used to know a guy.

A master counterfeiter, The Beast killed him, but…

But that was in your timeline.

I did know Frankie since before Brakebills.

So hopefully your Penny did, too.

And hopefully he has the same number.

Damn it.

I still have the DJ's phone.

Well, the good news is your Penny has the same password as me.

So I'm downloading his contacts right now.

So many Insta notifications.

Okay, I got his number. I'll try him.

I can't log in. It wants to send a text message to my old phone to confirm.

But if I had my old phone, why the hell would I be doing this?

Have you talked to your dad lately?

I called him from Brian's phone, but nobody picked up.

Nobody answers their phone

when they don't recognize the number, right?

You're probably right.

Guys, he picked up.

I don't think he can park there.

Yeah, I don't think he cares.

Shit just always seems to work out for Frankie.

Another timeline?

That's wild.

-I thought you were dead. -Likewise.

So the Frankie I knew was a counterfeiter.

So am I. But for most jobs my skills are overkill.

Duping objects to fool regular dopes is simple.

99 percent of the art you see in museums is fake

because why waste the real thing on people

who can't tell the difference anyway?

Fooling Magicians, though?

That's where the special sauce comes in.

So what's the MacGuffin?

A Library Black Card.

That's gonna take a lot of sauce.

You know what? Let me get that. That's probably for me.

-Congratulations! -Not now, guys.

Know what? Actually, I'm going to grab... Thank you.

Thanks. Have a good one.

Are you going to explain that, or...?

Is it in your size?

They're always my size.

Anyway, Library Black Card.

That's tricky but I can do it.

Yeah, what'll it cost us?

Whatever you're withdrawing from The Library, double it.

10 Dewey coins?

That's like raise-an-army-of-the-dead level magic.

That is a big ask.

Yeah, if my forgery works, it won't matter.

Now, I'm gonna need some stuff.

I'm going to need at least two minutes with a real Black Card to use as a mold.

Two Philly Cheesesteaks,

four liters of cherry soda, not store brand.

That's a deal breaker.

I know, I know.

And at least a third of a Dewey coin to get us started.

We need a battery to get more batteries?

Yeah, call it seed magic.

We can't exactly walk into The Library and just ask for one.

Well, there's a game of Push happening tonight.

What's Push?

It's a card game.

High rollers play for Deweys.

But you can buy in for less.

Any of you good at cards?

A magic card game is hard under normal circumstances.

But right now, the Library's only putting out enough magic for small-scale spells.

I mean, one big transformation

and I'm going to black out the entire room.

Yeah, it's about efficiency.

Some Magicians are semi-trucks, guzzling magic to do a simple spell.

Some of us are Priuses.

What are you?

A sensible mid-size.

What was the one that would always explode?

Yeah, that.

Hey, can we back him up?

No, no, no. Not me.

I can't even make a spark.

Well, I'm kind of persona non grata at Push games in the city, so…

I just don't want to.

It's a one-on-one game anyway.

So, no backup.

But...

...good luck.

What do you have to wager?

It's a protection amulet, sort of, all-purpose.

It's not good enough.

If you can't buy in, make room for somebody who can.

Wait. He's a Traveler.

I'll wager his exclusive services for 48 hours.

-A year. -A month.

-Hold on. -I won't lose.

But you're a loser.

A month. No questions asked.

Welcome to the game.

Now, the rules of Push are simple.

It's like the game War, two players, each draws a card.

High card wins the hand.

When the deck is gone, the game is over.

But the real art of the game is knowing how to cheat.

See, a shuffled deck of cards is not a fixed thing.

It's a cloud of possibilities.

And you can change the odds, if you know how.

Put the right card in your hand,

or the wrong card in your opponent's.

Wait. What is that?

The rules of poker.

You'll have to beat three opponents to win the whole thing.

Shall we?

The more probability spells that you throw around,

the more improbable things can get.

Be careful of those.

They killed Bobby Darin.

The final round is when you play for the Dewey.

Breaking a tie is complicated.

Get the hats.

You throw cards into a hat,

and whichever ones you sink you score like a poker hand.

Straight flush.

I'm just saying, what if he loses?

I'm a Traveler. I'll grab the coin and blip away.

Yeah, and then the people you've just robbed

hunt you down and torture you.

So why don't we save that for Plan B?

Listen, if you lose this last hand, it's over.

I think we need to be ready for Plan B.

What is the point of this display?

You used up all of the ambient magic in the room.

I guess we'll just have to play an honest game.

-Got it. -Perfect.

Now the easy part.

Borrow a Black Card to use as a template.

Anything?

No.

Why are we going along with this?

Marina killed my mother.

That was a different Marina.

How different?

And we're just going to hand her a nuclear bomb?

What's the alternative?

We use it against her.

Where does that end?

I came here to get away from that kind of shit.

I'm getting really sick

of being the voice in the back of the room that everyone ignores.

The other me, Sam,

did whatever she thought was right

regardless of what anybody else thought.

I get it.

Because where I came from, everyone I cared about is dead.

No other voice to listen to but mine.

But maybe Sam didn't care what anyone else thought

because she was alone.

You aren't.

I got something here.

Huge energy coming off of her purse.

It's gotta be the Black Card in there.

Showtime.

Excuse me. I'm...

I'm sorry, do I know you from somewhere?

I mean, I dabbled in acting.

What have I seen you in?

Let's just say, some provocative films of the 1970s.

Interesting.

All finished.

Great. Let's go.

There is one little thing.

That special sauce I was talking about before?

Most forgers use complicated illusion work,

that's not quite my thing.

Did a bird just bring you a sandwich?

Yeah, I guess she did.

You want?

Well, I mean, yeah, but…

But what the fuck, Frankie?

This is what I'm talking about. Luck is my Discipline.

The forgeries I make give whoever's holding them insanely good luck.

So nobody even bothers to check if the thing is fake.

I've done the spell work so many times I'm just sort of encrusted with it.

Luck is zero sum.

So all that bad luck has got to go somewhere.

It goes into a bear?

Somebody, not me,

has to hold that while the others bring the Black Card to the Library.

And whoever's holding it is gonna have a bad day.

-I'll do it. -No, Jules, you don't have to. He...

No. It's okay.

It's hard to explain, but I'm kinda bulletproof.

If anybody should have terrible luck, it should be me.

Why are you bulletproof?

That's none of your business.

Pick it up.

No, no, no, something's wrong.

Whatever none-of-my-business shit is going on with you,

it's interfering with the fortune spell.

So, set it down.

-Set it down! -All right.

Looks like you just volunteered.

You awake?

Nope.

It's time.

Anti-magic paint on a magic lock.

I wish I had thought of that

before those book-sniffing bastards ruined Christmas.

Which way now?

I don't know. Something isn't right.

This should continue straight.

Well, you made this map by mind-controlling a cockroach.

I mean, shouldn't we trust our eyes rather than some shit-eating bug?

I think it's an illusion.

There's spell work on this wall.

Or it's a wall.

This is it.

The Books of Everyone.

You look for yours and I'll go look for my friends'.

I gotta tell you, it is such a relief to take off that Ember disguise.

So what have I been missing down on Earth?

I mean, it must be bad, your Chakras are all fucked up.

Oh, yeah.

We got magic turned back on. And...

You know, one of our friends just betrayed us.

Which is crazy, right?

-Like who would do that? -Yeah.

I got mind wiped.

Yeah, I was living as this other dude named Isaac for months.

That is exactly kind of close to my situation!

So I'm being hunted by this douchebag monster

and like, I need a place to crash, right?

That's when I remember

that squirrelly little human friend of yours

said that he killed Ember?

And I'm like, I could take that guy's place!

Live to fuck another day, you know?

It's kinda nice, you know?

Freeing...

...to live as someone else for a little bit.

Yeah, I guess.

You know, a famous cocksman once told me,

once you've had quantity,

the only thing left is strange.

And boy is this place full of strange.

I mean, Isaac's life was great.

A lot of friends, big...

...family.

But eventually it…

It all ends.

And your old life,

your old problems,

they catch up to you.

Or your problems never find you and the party goes on forever.

Look at that. I'm dry.

Is that…?

Did you make for me?

Yes.

-Josh Special? -Yes.

I made it for you.

You and me, Joshie.

We're the same.

We're born to be the perfect hosts.

We want everyone around us to have a good time, we make sure of it.

Nobody does the same for us.

This is to Josh, not to Isaac,

this is to the real you.

I'm sorry.

I...

I pee-peed in it.

And you don't… You don't drink that, so…

This is the dumbest plan.

Frankie says the disguises won't matter.

If the Black Card works, nobody will question them.

I feel like an idiot.

Excuse me, sir.

You have a fresh look.

Have you considered modeling?

Okay, it's just soup.

You can't choke.

It's not scalding.

It's totally safe.

Look at that line. This is going to take forever.

I've thinking while we're here, we should get a bit extra.

Five for Marina, five for Frankie.

10 for us.

Because we'd need to be insanely lucky to get that much.

The more luck we get, the more bad luck Quentin gets.

When this is over, the McAllistairs will still be after us.

We'll need to do some major cloaking spell.

It could kill him.

Hey!

There's a truck outside giving out free ice cream!

I mean, two extra coins can't hurt.

It's all good. Soup spills all the time.

Thanks.

Damn it!

How the hell do you get a paper cut from a paper towel?

-Welcome. -Hi.

So how can I help you today?

We need 12 Contained Current Coins.

-Here. -Oh, my God.

Keep it away.

Everything looks in order.

Just need to check one little thing.

Oh, shoot.

Did you hear something?

Where did it even come from?

Out of the...toilet.

All right then.

I'll send this requisition to the home office

and they'll return your coins.

I thought you said your phone wasn't working.

It's a voicemail from my mom.

Do you think…

Q.

It's gotta be about my dad.

-I'm not going to answer it. -No, Q, the bear.

Okay.

Your request has been flagged for follow-up with a supervisor.

Wait here, please.

Requisition follow-up for you.

Christ, can it wait?

Fine.

Sorry, I can't see for shit.

Bloody things making me crazy.

You mind?

No, do your thing.

What do I do?

Just, please don't listen to it until we hear back from Penny and Kady.

Oh, shit.

Oh, Jesus Christ, now I've got it in backwards.

About those coins.

Listen.

The truth is, the red tape? The paperwork?

It's, in my mind, all just a wank.

You guys going to blow yourselves up?

-No. -No?

Great.

Request...

...approved.

Sorry about the inconvenience!

Thank you very much. You have a good day.

Jesus shit!

Okay, they did it, drop the bear.

It really came out of the…

I don't want to talk about it.

Thank you, brother.

I had a feeling things would work out because they always do.

By the way, I'd destroy those ASAP.

They'll be out of juice soon, but you don't want to take any chances.

I'm on it.

You nutsacked out, didn't you?

Oh, but pussied out makes perfect sense here?

Well, if you mean that I couldn't go through with it,

then, yes, you're right.

Josh, we don't have a choice here.

Now, where's the rest of the ambrosia?

Fine.

But just know that Bacchus will never drink anything you give him.

I'm not going to give it to Bacchus.

Yeah, I'm going to dump it in there.

Everyone will drink it.

Are you nuts?

There are over a hundred people here.

You have no idea what that will do to them.

Well, I'm pretty sure it'll fucking kill them.

And I'll do it.

Unless you start acting like a real pussy

and take one for the fucking team.

Hey.

I'm sorry about…

We've all peed in things we regret.

I know gods are supposed to be distant and unknowable,

but you're a good guy.

I'm going to tell you a secret.

What did you put in this?

I found my book, now let's get the hell out of here.

I can't find my friends' books.

"The following books have been removed from circulation for revisions.”

"Q Coldwater."

They're filling in the endings of our books.

The pages that were missing because of the Great Blank Spot.

Come on.

Nick?

Hey, hey, I'm sorry about your friends' books,

but this is our chance.

Come with me.

I can't.

I can't leave without their books.

Look, I want to do the…

Look, just go while you still have the chance.

Okay, I can find the Revision Room on my own.

For what it's worth,

you're still on my nice list.

The fuck?

Do you remember me?

Because I don't.

I don't remember my name,

or where I came from.

But I remember you.

You took something from me, something important,

and then you...

...threw me in a cage, and...

...I would like for you to explain.

You remember all that,

but you don't remember what you are?

What you did?

The word monster has been thrown around.

That's right.

We put you with the rest of your kind.

And I ate them.

You're kinda making my case for me, here.

We have the same parents.

Why am I a monster and you're a god?

You don't want to be a monster, then let me go.

Give me back what you took from me, and maybe I will.

I can't.

Ever.

I'm sorry.

It was a part of me.

And now it's a part of you.

Burning in your body.

Wait. Wait.

This world needs me.

Its god is dead.

You don't have to do this.

There's others.

There's still time.

We can figure something out.

It doesn't have to be me.

It doesn't have to...

What the fuck did he just rip out of him?

Whatever it is, to a fairy eye, it's like staring straight at the sun.

They're real.

Well, it's been a pleasure.

The trackers on us?

Not actually a thing.

You guys are too lawful good to bitch out.

Marina?

I've been looking for you.

Excuse me, miss,

these are free to a good home, are you interested?

Hey, are you sure Marina's apartment the safest place for us to meet?

It's not Marina's.

It's mine.

What did you do?

I handled the problem.

Now can we do this cloaking spell

before the McAllistairs show up and kill all of us?

Hey.

You haven't listened?

You know, your bad luck's gone.

Safe as it'll ever be.

But that's not what's really stopping you.

The other me,

Brian,

his dad died when he was a kid.

Too little to even understand.

All of his problems were like that.

No sharp edges.

Yeah.

Look at us.

We paid a hell of a fucking price.

You gave up being a goddess.

I gave up my father.

What did we get in return?

Magic is back.

Not in the way that we wanted.

How are you not...furious?

I guess for almost everyone,

the world is a little brighter,

even if they never know why.

I hate the Library for what they did,

but my part in it.

I knew what it cost.

And I'd do it again.

But you wouldn't.

Will you stay here for a minute?

Yeah.

Hi, sorry to leave a message with bad news.

But I need to talk to you about your father.