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1
00:00:03,746 --> 00:00:05,279
(Tessa) With a few alterations,
2
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,658
Ryan Shay and I were making it work.
3
00:00:07,692 --> 00:00:09,103
Who woulda thunk it?
4
00:00:09,223 --> 00:00:11,058
We made it through three major holidays,
5
00:00:11,062 --> 00:00:12,349
a tooth extraction,
6
00:00:12,365 --> 00:00:14,848
and a herpes scare that
turned out to be an ingrown.
7
00:00:14,866 --> 00:00:16,361
We'd gotten through it all expertly,
8
00:00:16,368 --> 00:00:19,849
which made me something
of a relationship expert.
9
00:00:19,969 --> 00:00:22,297
It's just, I see the way Ryan looks at you.
10
00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:23,829
Mikey doesn't look at me that way.
11
00:00:23,949 --> 00:00:27,041
The right guy, he's out
there, Justine. Okay?
12
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:31,198
And if you ask me, it's Todd from PreCal.
13
00:00:31,508 --> 00:00:34,675
Once he gets his headgear off,
he's gonna be a stone cold fox.
14
00:00:34,795 --> 00:00:37,038
Thanks for stopping by. Next!
15
00:00:38,179 --> 00:00:40,620
(Door creaking)
16
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:42,567
Let me guess.
17
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,462
Boys can't see past the chair. Am I right?
18
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,431
Have you thought about
19
00:00:47,551 --> 00:00:49,816
decorating the wheels in
an eye-catching fashion?
20
00:00:49,871 --> 00:00:50,884
I need to pee.
21
00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:52,653
Oh.
22
00:00:52,687 --> 00:00:55,714
Naomi aside, everyone else seemed to agree
23
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,426
that when it came to relationships,
24
00:00:57,449 --> 00:01:00,077
"Ask Tessa" was the go-to girl.
25
00:01:01,579 --> 00:01:02,822
I wouldn't.
26
00:01:03,573 --> 00:01:04,598
What?
27
00:01:04,718 --> 00:01:08,524
I wouldn't feed him out
of the palm of your hand.
28
00:01:08,561 --> 00:01:09,963
You're emasculating him, Lisa.
29
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:12,481
Sorry, don't you have your
own boyfriend to worry about?
30
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:14,547
He's at an away game, and I
think you know that. (Scoffs)
31
00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:15,884
(Amplified voice) Students,
32
00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:18,010
in preparation for our new ravioli bar...
33
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,371
We have a ravioli bar?!
34
00:01:19,422 --> 00:01:20,839
Not yet. I said "in preparation."
35
00:01:20,890 --> 00:01:23,532
For the next several weeks,
Chef Alan will be training
36
00:01:23,587 --> 00:01:26,699
under a highly gay and
attractive raviologist...
37
00:01:26,746 --> 00:01:28,380
Chef Norman Neuman.
38
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,468
I know what you're thinking, and yes,
39
00:01:30,588 --> 00:01:34,621
he was chef Alan's first homosexual lover.
40
00:01:36,573 --> 00:01:38,782
I'm gonna let that sink in for a moment.
41
00:01:40,150 --> 00:01:42,066
And now I'm going to ask
42
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,358
that you welcome Norman with open arms,
43
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,024
as Chef Alan used to.
44
00:01:46,063 --> 00:01:49,848
Uh-oh, looks like somebody's
relationship's gonna need
45
00:01:49,895 --> 00:01:51,647
a whole mess'a "Ask Tessa."
46
00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:54,887
- No.
- No.
47
00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:57,630
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
00:01:57,669 --> 00:02:02,440
(Alih Jey) * last night I
had a pleasant nightmare *
49
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,016
Da-da-da-da,
da, da, da, da
50
00:02:06,295 --> 00:02:08,305
I'll just grab a robe.
51
00:02:08,352 --> 00:02:09,963
Oh. You didn't get my message?
52
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,683
Yves Clyde is running a bit behind.
53
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,818
- We're gonna need to reschedule.
- Reschedule?
54
00:02:13,818 --> 00:02:16,454
This is the third time y'all
have canceled on me this week.
55
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:19,527
I am wearing multiple sunglasses
to hide my root situation,
56
00:02:19,559 --> 00:02:20,669
but this can't persist!
57
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,882
I am so sorry, Miss Royce.
58
00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:26,824
Yves Clyde has a new client
who's proved very demanding.
59
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,529
Take your time, Yves Clyde.
60
00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:30,632
I want it all!
61
00:02:30,655 --> 00:02:32,321
Lowlights, midlights, highlights.
62
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,792
(Laughs) And I wanna hear
63
00:02:33,784 --> 00:02:36,880
absolutely everything there
is to know about your yorkie.
64
00:02:36,914 --> 00:02:38,743
Noah Werner!
65
00:02:38,863 --> 00:02:40,722
Does this vendetta know no bounds?
66
00:02:40,714 --> 00:02:42,356
It's boundless.
67
00:02:42,476 --> 00:02:43,887
You stole Carmen.
68
00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:46,354
(Gasps) Carmen was returned to my employ
69
00:02:46,345 --> 00:02:47,589
by Father Christmas.
70
00:02:47,643 --> 00:02:50,553
Plus, you stole Ashanti our dog walker,
71
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,313
and you don't even have a dog!
72
00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:54,061
Well, we're thinking about getting one
73
00:02:54,065 --> 00:02:55,950
now that we have the right team in place!
74
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:57,569
And how dare you, madame?
75
00:02:57,569 --> 00:03:00,134
You poached Sean our mattress flipper!
76
00:03:00,254 --> 00:03:02,143
His name is Shane.
77
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:05,718
See? I'm too sleep-deprived
to even remember his name.
78
00:03:05,749 --> 00:03:07,626
That's what it's come to!
79
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,161
We need to get you rinsed out.
80
00:03:10,144 --> 00:03:12,830
We want you summersy,
not Suzanne Somers-y.
81
00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:14,789
(Laughs) Ohh!
82
00:03:15,289 --> 00:03:16,533
(Slaps thigh)
83
00:03:17,004 --> 00:03:18,519
(Robe rustles) This isn't over.
84
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,089
I will not rest until
I have stolen your G.P.,
85
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,728
your E.N.T., and your ob-gyn,
86
00:03:24,848 --> 00:03:26,981
even if I have to grow my own lady parts!
87
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,967
(Gasps)
88
00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:31,351
Oh. Sorry about that.
89
00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:35,388
I'm afraid Noah's been a bit
unhinged ever since Carmen left.
90
00:03:36,013 --> 00:03:39,064
I have my regrets about the way it ended.
91
00:03:39,111 --> 00:03:42,262
Is she... happy?
92
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:43,460
- Who? Carmen?
- Mm.
93
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,235
Oh, she's thriving. She's
gained her weight back.
94
00:03:45,219 --> 00:03:46,564
She's showing affection.
95
00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:48,441
She stopped tearing her slippers apart.
96
00:03:48,449 --> 00:03:49,481
She's in a good home now.
97
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,693
I'm glad to hear it.
98
00:03:50,944 --> 00:03:53,078
I wish I could say the
same about my husband.
99
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:55,590
These days, coaching
that T-ball team of his
100
00:03:55,589 --> 00:03:58,607
is the only thing that
gives him any normal joy.
101
00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,234
Huh.
102
00:04:00,468 --> 00:04:02,103
Funny.
103
00:04:02,223 --> 00:04:04,621
I've recently developed
104
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:07,217
a keen interest in T-balls myself.
105
00:04:07,264 --> 00:04:08,547
Oh.
106
00:04:09,994 --> 00:04:12,035
Hey, Mr. Wolfe.
107
00:04:12,155 --> 00:04:13,896
Anything I can help you with?
108
00:04:14,016 --> 00:04:15,979
No, I'm good, but thanks.
109
00:04:16,013 --> 00:04:17,274
You sure?
110
00:04:17,305 --> 00:04:18,361
Positive.
111
00:04:18,481 --> 00:04:21,384
There's nothin' you wanna "Ask Tessa"?
112
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:22,513
Trademark pending.
113
00:04:22,505 --> 00:04:24,237
I feel like you're asking
me to ask you something,
114
00:04:24,271 --> 00:04:25,536
but I'm not sure what you're asking,
115
00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:26,564
and I'm afraid to ask.
116
00:04:26,595 --> 00:04:28,371
Well, it's just that
you've been standing there,
117
00:04:28,378 --> 00:04:32,735
staring at chefs Alan and
Norman for two periods now.
118
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,480
I can tell.
119
00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:38,186
You are terrified by the idea
120
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:40,220
of them working so closely together,
121
00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:41,637
clog-by-clog.
122
00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:44,308
Wow. You really know
your stuff, "Ask Tessa."
123
00:04:44,355 --> 00:04:46,889
Now I don't know if I
announced this part at lunch,
124
00:04:47,009 --> 00:04:50,111
but Alan was married when he
met Norman at culinary school.
125
00:04:50,127 --> 00:04:51,754
He left Nora for Norman.
126
00:04:51,785 --> 00:04:52,856
Mm-hmm.
127
00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,818
Who wouldn't be attracted to Norman?
128
00:04:54,885 --> 00:04:56,626
(Whispers) He's a norseman.
129
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,205
Didn't realize he was from Norway.
130
00:04:58,260 --> 00:04:58,988
He's not.
131
00:04:59,003 --> 00:05:01,162
It's gay slang, and I'd
rather not define it for you.
132
00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:03,078
I know why you feel threatened,
133
00:05:03,198 --> 00:05:04,470
and it is because he is a threat.
134
00:05:04,493 --> 00:05:06,589
I trust Alan. It's the norseman...
135
00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:09,185
that is why you need to up your game.
136
00:05:09,232 --> 00:05:11,641
He's the catch of the day, and...
137
00:05:11,761 --> 00:05:14,316
you are Friday's chili
138
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,248
made with Thursday's hamburger meat.
139
00:05:16,368 --> 00:05:19,196
- Ouch.
- Yeah, well, "Ask Tessa" tells it like it is.
140
00:05:19,316 --> 00:05:21,347
Do not ignore your instincts, or mine.
141
00:05:21,394 --> 00:05:23,951
Remind Chef Alan
142
00:05:24,071 --> 00:05:27,361
that the wolf has not been tamed.
143
00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:31,209
Release the wild wolf he
once fell in love with.
144
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,039
Thanks, "Ask Tessa."
145
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
146
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,764
Looks good to me. You're
beautiful as always.
147
00:05:48,772 --> 00:05:50,281
You just think it looks beautiful
148
00:05:50,273 --> 00:05:51,165
'cause you're ignorant.
149
00:05:51,212 --> 00:05:53,667
When it comes to this stuff,
you are ignorant, George.
150
00:05:53,675 --> 00:05:55,959
It's not beautiful. It's satisfactory.
151
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:57,459
Why? Susan did it.
152
00:05:57,467 --> 00:06:00,165
She's a shampoo lady! A head washer.
153
00:06:00,204 --> 00:06:02,917
Well, I think Susan really
stepped up to the plate.
154
00:06:03,037 --> 00:06:05,769
She did no such thing, you ignorant fool.
155
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,735
(Chuckles) And furthermore,
156
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:11,036
she was unable to regale me
with stories about her toy dog
157
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,272
or celebrities gossip
158
00:06:12,303 --> 00:06:14,728
or what it's like
vacationing in the Swiss alps.
159
00:06:14,848 --> 00:06:16,543
She just talked about her mother,
160
00:06:16,558 --> 00:06:18,302
who apparently has lupus.
161
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,768
Nothing entertaining about
that. That's just sad.
162
00:06:22,737 --> 00:06:24,356
Well, just because Noah's being petty
163
00:06:24,356 --> 00:06:25,654
doesn't mean you have to be.
164
00:06:25,654 --> 00:06:28,344
It's time to take the
high road and disengage.
165
00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:29,995
Pull out of this war. (lce cubes rattling)
166
00:06:29,987 --> 00:06:32,677
Hells to the no. It's time to serve. Serve.
167
00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:35,304
I'm gonna climb on his
back and T-ball him.
168
00:06:35,492 --> 00:06:37,846
- What?
- Oh, he likes coaching T-ball?
169
00:06:37,877 --> 00:06:39,950
I'm gonna take away his
little bad news bears...
170
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:42,648
(Pours Martini) on their own
field of dreams like a natural.
171
00:06:42,859 --> 00:06:45,307
You know what? I actually
think that's a good idea.
172
00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:46,535
- You do?
- I do.
173
00:06:46,558 --> 00:06:49,835
Look, I think a baseball game
is a relatively healthy way
174
00:06:49,874 --> 00:06:51,352
to settle things between you and Noah...
175
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,526
if it will, in fact, settle things.
176
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:56,278
Do you think this will finally
help you let go of your grudge?
177
00:06:56,748 --> 00:06:58,961
If I win.
178
00:06:58,953 --> 00:07:01,276
(Knocks on door)
179
00:07:01,745 --> 00:07:03,153
You wanted to see me?
180
00:07:03,904 --> 00:07:05,454
In your den?
181
00:07:05,472 --> 00:07:07,259
(Hissing)
182
00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:08,901
Tessa, please have a seat.
183
00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:11,260
You ruined my life.
184
00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:12,745
What? What happened?
185
00:07:12,779 --> 00:07:14,454
What didn't?
186
00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:17,266
(Disco music playing)
187
00:07:17,301 --> 00:07:21,020
You said to remind him of
how we first fell in love.
188
00:07:21,071 --> 00:07:23,095
Well, we fell in love at Xanadude,
189
00:07:23,088 --> 00:07:25,754
the first gay roller rink in Chatswin.
190
00:07:25,874 --> 00:07:27,928
You said unleash the wolf!
191
00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:31,252
I didn't say to unleash
the purple hot pants!
192
00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:33,911
Alan is silently furious with me.
193
00:07:33,966 --> 00:07:35,616
It's his quiet I fear most.
194
00:07:35,736 --> 00:07:37,313
And also his leaving me for Norman.
195
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,658
And also dying alone.
196
00:07:38,705 --> 00:07:40,160
And shiny floors.
197
00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:41,013
I have a lot of fears.
198
00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:43,187
Maybe he's not as mad as you think.
199
00:07:45,878 --> 00:07:46,793
Let me suss it out.
200
00:07:46,824 --> 00:07:48,928
Got it. What should I do?
201
00:07:49,694 --> 00:07:51,243
Change.
202
00:07:52,283 --> 00:07:53,831
(Blows whistle)
203
00:07:53,839 --> 00:07:55,184
Listen up, y'all!
204
00:07:55,176 --> 00:07:57,867
First, assume a wide stance.
205
00:07:57,906 --> 00:08:00,656
Second, squirt a dime-sized
portion of sunscreen
206
00:08:00,674 --> 00:08:01,730
into your palm.
207
00:08:01,777 --> 00:08:03,075
Make sure it's oil-free.
208
00:08:03,075 --> 00:08:05,250
And then you're gonna apply
it with a sweeping motion.
209
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:07,848
Start at the base of your
throat and sweep upwards.
210
00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:09,233
Upwards.
211
00:08:09,251 --> 00:08:10,868
Upwards, Keith.
212
00:08:10,902 --> 00:08:12,153
Uh, Coach?
213
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,322
You might wanna get to the actual sport.
214
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:15,699
Practice is only an hour.
215
00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:17,247
Well, George, I was getting to that.
216
00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:20,148
Now... I need each of you
217
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:23,030
to develop your very own fancy run.
218
00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:26,052
This is a perfect way to
express your individuality
219
00:08:26,091 --> 00:08:27,726
while you're running towards that...
220
00:08:27,914 --> 00:08:28,962
filthy pillow.
221
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,667
Also known as first base.
222
00:08:30,714 --> 00:08:33,021
George, you're confusing
them with your jargon.
223
00:08:33,052 --> 00:08:33,857
Okay.
224
00:08:33,857 --> 00:08:36,101
Nicole, I know you love unicorns.
225
00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:37,446
Let me see a unicorn run.
226
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,112
(Gasps) Yes!
227
00:08:40,832 --> 00:08:42,687
Ohh, I love it, Nicole!
228
00:08:42,702 --> 00:08:44,181
I feel like I'm in Narnia!
229
00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:45,776
Maybe you should have
the kids practice hitting.
230
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,989
George, I'm sorry, but
I can't condone violence.
231
00:08:47,997 --> 00:08:49,757
Not now, not ever.
232
00:08:51,977 --> 00:08:53,668
(Lisa) Wow.
233
00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:56,437
I've never been in the
cafeteria after school.
234
00:08:56,557 --> 00:08:58,313
You think the ice cream is unlocked?
235
00:08:58,433 --> 00:08:59,900
This will only take a minute.
236
00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:01,869
I just have to suss out to Alan.
237
00:09:01,903 --> 00:09:03,851
Never takes me long to suss.
238
00:09:04,101 --> 00:09:07,151
Don't you have your own
relationship to "suss"?
239
00:09:07,271 --> 00:09:08,826
I told you. He's at an away game.
240
00:09:08,844 --> 00:09:10,373
(Whispers) Ooh! Oh!
241
00:09:10,389 --> 00:09:11,462
I don't know. I just...
242
00:09:11,496 --> 00:09:13,714
I feel very anxious about the whole thing.
243
00:09:13,765 --> 00:09:16,771
It's not anxiety. It's excitement.
244
00:09:16,998 --> 00:09:19,002
Promise me you'll come tomorrow night.
245
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:20,185
Who am I kidding? I... (Laughs)
246
00:09:20,305 --> 00:09:22,139
I won't be able to stop myself.
247
00:09:22,173 --> 00:09:24,525
It will be a night to remember.
248
00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:27,645
(Sighs) Okay. I'm gonna hold you to that.
249
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:30,402
Yeah, I'll rush over as soon
as Wolfe leaves for boxing.
250
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,326
Oh, gosh.
251
00:09:33,685 --> 00:09:35,770
(Whispers) Oh, my God!
252
00:09:35,804 --> 00:09:37,308
Chef Alan's cheating!
253
00:09:37,355 --> 00:09:39,834
Oh, my God. Mr. Wolfe boxes?
254
00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:42,516
Unless that's gay slang.
255
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,361
Okay, after watching today's practice,
256
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,668
it's clear to me you know little
if anything about the game.
257
00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:54,091
I don't mean to be harsh,
258
00:09:54,211 --> 00:09:56,593
but there is no way you are going to win.
259
00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:59,456
George, take that back.
Failure is not an option.
260
00:09:59,471 --> 00:10:01,661
It's one of my top three most hated things,
261
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,250
right behind decorated denim and pinheads.
262
00:10:04,297 --> 00:10:06,511
Well, I'm sorry, but you
can't have a T-ball team
263
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:07,895
that doesn't know how to play T-ball.
264
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:10,186
Will you help us?
265
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:11,907
(Sighs)
266
00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:13,299
I really don't want to get involved
267
00:10:13,419 --> 00:10:15,035
in this feud between you and Noah.
268
00:10:15,058 --> 00:10:17,006
But how are we supposed to
settle it fair and square
269
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,336
when our team is at a
distinct disadvantage,
270
00:10:19,359 --> 00:10:22,331
on account of me not knowing
jack squat about T-ball?
271
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,457
You got a point.
272
00:10:23,577 --> 00:10:25,623
Plus, I'm your girl.
273
00:10:25,670 --> 00:10:28,728
You can't just left another
man take a dookie on my dignity.
274
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,276
(Laughs)
275
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,917
Dallas, all right.
276
00:10:31,952 --> 00:10:33,419
If I agree to help you out,
277
00:10:33,412 --> 00:10:36,258
we've gotta focus on the
fundamentals, not the fun.
278
00:10:36,305 --> 00:10:38,189
Sure! That sounds like fun.
279
00:10:38,244 --> 00:10:39,464
What? No, it's not.
280
00:10:39,509 --> 00:10:40,643
Right.
281
00:10:40,677 --> 00:10:43,280
What I meant was, it sounds
like a real good time.
282
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,501
It's not gonna be a good time.
It's gonna be lots of work.
283
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:48,090
But in the end,
284
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:51,914
the hard work will pay off
when we defeat Noah Werner,
285
00:10:51,906 --> 00:10:53,173
and that'll be fun.
286
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,621
(Blows whistle)
287
00:10:55,741 --> 00:10:58,100
Look, I know some of you are disappointed.
288
00:10:58,131 --> 00:11:01,033
You... you miss Dallas'
way of doing things,
289
00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:02,729
and you miss your sparkly uniforms.
290
00:11:02,768 --> 00:11:05,232
But those uniforms were hurting us.
291
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,157
- Mine didn't hurt.
- It did, Kevin. You just didn't know it did.
292
00:11:08,212 --> 00:11:10,566
My name's not Kevin. It's Kevuel.
293
00:11:10,605 --> 00:11:12,396
I'm Kimantha's brother.
294
00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:15,775
Okay. Gang, to win,
295
00:11:15,814 --> 00:11:18,982
we're gonna have to look and act normal,
296
00:11:18,974 --> 00:11:21,195
like professional T-ball players.
297
00:11:21,242 --> 00:11:22,658
So from this point on,
298
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:24,331
Kevuel's gonna be "Kevin,"
299
00:11:24,323 --> 00:11:27,545
and all of us are gonna
focus on fundamentals.
300
00:11:27,538 --> 00:11:29,547
We're gonna work on our fielding,
301
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,096
we're gonna work on our hitting,
302
00:11:31,104 --> 00:11:33,685
and we're gonna work on
building a winning team...
303
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,238
if that's okay.
304
00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:37,474
Is that okay?
305
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:40,136
I said, is that okay?!
306
00:11:40,175 --> 00:11:41,676
Yeah, it's okay, George.
307
00:11:41,796 --> 00:11:43,780
But can we still do our fancy runs?
308
00:11:43,814 --> 00:11:45,532
No. No! No fancy runs.
309
00:11:45,566 --> 00:11:47,753
But our fancy runs show the other team
310
00:11:47,761 --> 00:11:49,403
our individuality!
311
00:11:49,453 --> 00:11:51,827
(Children)- Yeah!- No. No, Nicole.
No, our fancy runs show the other team
312
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,555
we have no idea what we're doing.
313
00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:56,543
All right, guys. Let's get
to work! Grab your mitts!
314
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,209
Get out there! Let's go!
315
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,569
(Run-d. M.C.) * I think it's very vital
316
00:11:59,601 --> 00:12:00,977
to rock a rhyme (Blows whistle)
317
00:12:01,016 --> 00:12:02,416
Keep it up! Keep it up!
318
00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:03,832
- There you go!
- * here we go!
319
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:05,427
Let's go! Let's go!
Keep 'em goin'. Come on!
320
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,586
- Come on! Push it! Push it!
- (Blowing whistle)
321
00:12:07,632 --> 00:12:09,674
Push it! Come on! Push it!
322
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:11,269
(Click) * tricky, tricky, tricky
323
00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:12,974
it's tricky to rock a rhyme
324
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,569
to rock a rhyme, that's right, on time
325
00:12:14,577 --> 00:12:15,305
It's tricky
326
00:12:15,328 --> 00:12:17,596
(groans) * tr-tr-tricky, tricky
327
00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:18,605
Uhh!
328
00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:20,614
All right, guys. Here we go.
329
00:12:20,645 --> 00:12:22,045
Let's hit some balls.
330
00:12:22,022 --> 00:12:22,593
Uhh!
331
00:12:22,601 --> 00:12:24,697
Uh... not bad. Not bad.
332
00:12:24,697 --> 00:12:25,620
Good cut. Good cut.
333
00:12:26,324 --> 00:12:28,514
It's tricky to rock a rhyme that's right!
334
00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:30,336
Okay. Gotta... you gotta look at the ball.
335
00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:33,762
Hey. Okay. Hey! Come on now! Come on!
336
00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:35,060
It's tricky to rock a rhyme
337
00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:36,765
to rock a rhyme, that's right, on time
338
00:12:36,741 --> 00:12:39,291
It's tricky, tricky,
tricky, tricky, huh!
339
00:12:39,306 --> 00:12:41,520
Focus up, guys. Focus up. Eye on the ball!
340
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:43,921
Watch the ball go all
the way into your glove.
341
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:45,360
Here we go. Here it comes.
342
00:12:45,407 --> 00:12:46,635
(Ping)
343
00:12:46,822 --> 00:12:48,112
Ooh! Oh! K... Kev!
344
00:12:48,152 --> 00:12:50,365
Stay in front of those! Jenni
could've gotten that one.
345
00:12:50,388 --> 00:12:52,257
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
346
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:53,227
Nothing.
347
00:12:53,347 --> 00:12:54,768
You mean because I'm a girl?
348
00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:57,646
No. No, I mean because you're... not good.
349
00:12:57,766 --> 00:12:59,969
I'm tired. Do you have any frozen treats?
350
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,854
Frozen treats?! What?!
351
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:04,458
I'm your coach. I'm not the ice cream man.
352
00:13:04,505 --> 00:13:07,485
I don't even think this
jackass has a juice box on him.
353
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,245
- Yeah, and he's sexist.
- Okay, you know what?
354
00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:12,266
It'd be sexist if I
didn't tell you the truth.
355
00:13:12,386 --> 00:13:13,413
Ugh!
356
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,984
- Okay, she's angry. Good!
- I quit!
357
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,820
That's good! We can use that anger!
358
00:13:16,853 --> 00:13:18,754
George, I think you're losing 'em.
359
00:13:18,777 --> 00:13:21,264
I'm not losing them.
I'm... I'm breaking them.
360
00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:22,766
And then I'm gonna rebuild them!
361
00:13:22,774 --> 00:13:24,964
Oh! You mean like Jill Werner did
362
00:13:24,948 --> 00:13:26,645
with her premarital hook nose?
363
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:27,982
Kind of.
364
00:13:28,102 --> 00:13:30,652
Stand up, guys. Come on! Stand up!
365
00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:33,277
St... I'm... I'm gonna hit it either way!
366
00:13:38,704 --> 00:13:41,488
He really is boxing. That is not gay slang.
367
00:13:41,608 --> 00:13:43,897
Punch with your legs, not your ovaries.
368
00:13:45,836 --> 00:13:47,314
Mr. Wolfe, what are you doing?
369
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:48,166
I'm training the next
370
00:13:48,174 --> 00:13:50,317
middleweight champion of the
world. What are you doing?
371
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,405
There is so much we don't
know about his private life.
372
00:13:53,452 --> 00:13:55,705
Mr. Wolfe, I really need to talk to you.
373
00:13:55,674 --> 00:13:57,793
You might wanna sit down for this.
374
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:07,624
It's worse than I thought.
375
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,845
Chefs Alan and Norman...
376
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,230
are having an affair.
377
00:14:11,253 --> 00:14:13,232
(Gasps) (Squirts)
378
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:15,023
(Chokes and coughs)
379
00:14:15,143 --> 00:14:17,651
Worst time... (Coughs) to
put water in someone's mouth.
380
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,864
You n... practically drowned me.
381
00:14:19,895 --> 00:14:21,709
- There ya go.
- Lisa and I overheard them
382
00:14:21,717 --> 00:14:23,157
planning a hookup in the cafeteria.
383
00:14:23,211 --> 00:14:25,370
I wouldn't say anything
unless I was 100% sure.
384
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,802
Some of us are a little shy of 100%.
385
00:14:28,224 --> 00:14:29,976
Some of us are hovering around 12%.
386
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:32,517
He told me he was just
going over to Chef Norman's
387
00:14:32,525 --> 00:14:33,581
to watch the Oscars.
388
00:14:33,636 --> 00:14:36,069
Yeah? Did he? Then why didn't
he invite you to go with him?
389
00:14:36,061 --> 00:14:39,009
He knows that I've boycotted
the Oscars every year
390
00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:41,238
since the soul-crushing tragedy of '93.
391
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,388
What that the year...
392
00:14:42,419 --> 00:14:43,733
And the nominees are...
393
00:14:43,853 --> 00:14:45,164
Judy Davis,
394
00:14:45,198 --> 00:14:46,744
Joan Plowright,
395
00:14:46,791 --> 00:14:48,762
Vanessa freakin' Redgrave.
396
00:14:48,882 --> 00:14:50,194
And the Oscar goes to...
397
00:14:50,186 --> 00:14:52,892
Marisa Tomei for "My Cousin Vinny."
398
00:14:53,012 --> 00:14:55,997
That was the homosexual O.J. verdict.
399
00:14:55,989 --> 00:14:57,216
So that's why they didn't invite him.
400
00:14:57,193 --> 00:14:58,913
Maybe they really are
having an Oscar party.
401
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,549
Yeah. No, maybe they are.
402
00:15:02,722 --> 00:15:04,411
In their pants.
403
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:08,423
(Door creaks)
404
00:15:10,417 --> 00:15:12,505
Hope you don't mind. I let myself in.
405
00:15:12,497 --> 00:15:14,085
Noah! Jeez! What the heck?
406
00:15:14,085 --> 00:15:15,915
You trying to give me a heart attack?
407
00:15:16,173 --> 00:15:18,763
- I might ask you the same thing.
- Wow!
408
00:15:19,401 --> 00:15:22,166
What is with the new 'do... Mufasa?
409
00:15:22,286 --> 00:15:23,918
Oh, ho ho ho ho!
410
00:15:23,981 --> 00:15:27,171
Oh, you're hilarious George.
You should open for Louis C.K.
411
00:15:27,171 --> 00:15:29,205
- Really? You think I'm ready?
- Oh, absolutely.
412
00:15:29,217 --> 00:15:31,077
I... I think he'd be lucky to have you...
413
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,421
Once he hears that great joke
414
00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:34,173
about you helping Dallas defeat me.
415
00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:36,350
Is this about T-ball?
Is that what this is?
416
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,739
Yes.
417
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,838
That's what this is.
418
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,957
Look at you... (Laughs) with
a whistle around your neck.
419
00:15:43,007 --> 00:15:45,053
You disgust me. (Sighs)
420
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,475
I thought that you were
Crockett and I was Tubbs!
421
00:15:48,595 --> 00:15:52,497
I thought that you were
Tango and I was Cash!
422
00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:55,363
I thought that you were Dunston
423
00:15:56,095 --> 00:15:57,590
and I had checked in!
424
00:15:58,147 --> 00:16:00,542
- Sorry?
- You haven't seen that movie?
425
00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:03,423
It's about this monkey and this hotel.
426
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:04,996
They're best friends!
427
00:16:05,826 --> 00:16:07,791
Yeah, but the only thing
you wanna check into anymore
428
00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:08,823
is your girlfriend.
429
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,345
Okay, Noah, listen to yourself.
430
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:12,784
Okay, look at your hair!
431
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,330
This war between you
and Dallas has to stop.
432
00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:16,306
I'm begging you.
433
00:16:16,369 --> 00:16:18,208
Settle it on the T-ball field
434
00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:20,148
and then move on with your lives.
435
00:16:20,373 --> 00:16:22,106
She's taken everything from me, George.
436
00:16:22,299 --> 00:16:23,967
Everything.
437
00:16:24,001 --> 00:16:26,786
And now I'm gonna take everything from you,
438
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,174
starting right there.
439
00:16:28,294 --> 00:16:29,832
Ah, ha ha ha!
440
00:16:29,952 --> 00:16:31,424
Ha!
441
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:36,295
Whoops! Mine now.
442
00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:42,444
Oh, hope you don't make any spills.
443
00:16:43,614 --> 00:16:44,897
(Plastic cracks) Huh?
444
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,668
Really? You're gonna
take my smoke detector?
445
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,459
Oh, yeah! I'm taking everything.
446
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,512
Everything!
447
00:17:00,024 --> 00:17:02,026
I feel weird.
448
00:17:02,393 --> 00:17:04,477
We didn't even fill out an Oscar ballot.
449
00:17:04,685 --> 00:17:08,051
Since it's not a real Oscar
party, it doesn't matter.
450
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:11,072
How can you be so sure?
451
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,562
Look, I know sometimes it's hard to
452
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,483
confront things in our
relationships we don't want to,
453
00:17:15,471 --> 00:17:18,274
but if Chef Alan is not
being honest with you,
454
00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:20,064
don't you wanna know?
455
00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:24,280
(Gasps)
456
00:17:25,820 --> 00:17:27,215
Oh, thank God!
457
00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:29,286
Look, "Ask Tessa,"
458
00:17:29,337 --> 00:17:31,589
it's just boring old
Alan sitting on the couch.
459
00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:34,780
(Chuckles) For a moment,
we thought you were...
460
00:17:36,743 --> 00:17:38,240
What's that?
461
00:17:38,296 --> 00:17:39,766
Uh, what's what?
462
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,418
That thing.
463
00:17:41,462 --> 00:17:45,359
And the award for best
original tongue kiss goes to...
464
00:17:45,853 --> 00:17:47,634
Oh.
465
00:17:47,754 --> 00:17:48,512
(Gasps)
466
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,358
(Glasses shatter)
467
00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:53,355
Uh... On the bright side,
468
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,997
this takes the whole sting out
of the Marisa Tomei incident.
469
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,542
(Cheers and applause)
470
00:17:58,749 --> 00:17:59,487
(Ping)
471
00:17:59,607 --> 00:18:01,802
(George) All right, buddy!
Good hit! Good swing, man!
472
00:18:01,821 --> 00:18:03,141
Whoo! Way to go!
473
00:18:03,154 --> 00:18:05,068
Way to make it to the filthy pillow!
474
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:06,413
Look, George, they're doing it!
475
00:18:06,426 --> 00:18:08,028
We're gonna beat him to a bloody pulp!
476
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:08,789
Oh, yeah.
477
00:18:08,816 --> 00:18:10,126
What the hell was that, Seth?!
478
00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:12,175
Oh, I actually hate you right now.
479
00:18:12,188 --> 00:18:14,440
I hate you outside of the game.
480
00:18:14,509 --> 00:18:17,036
Not as a first baseman, as a person!
481
00:18:17,043 --> 00:18:19,470
- You guys suck!
- What's your problem?
482
00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:22,088
You stink! (Boy shouts indistinctly)
483
00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:23,918
You're a bunch of hacks!
484
00:18:24,308 --> 00:18:26,559
(Boy) Losers! Losers!
485
00:18:26,593 --> 00:18:28,261
Dallas, I think I was wrong.
486
00:18:28,295 --> 00:18:29,693
Sweep the leg!
487
00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:32,026
Whoa. No, don't sweep anything.
488
00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,949
- Look at these kids.
- You guys stink!
489
00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:36,418
- I ruined them.
- You guys suck!
490
00:18:36,538 --> 00:18:38,890
You were right. They... they
should be playing for fun.
491
00:18:38,865 --> 00:18:40,156
They should be...
492
00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:43,469
playing for wristlets and... and fancy runs
493
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:44,814
and frozen treats.
494
00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:46,979
Those things would've cost us our victory.
495
00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:48,756
We can win this, George.
496
00:18:48,815 --> 00:18:50,416
Sweep the leg! (Children continue shouting)
497
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:51,533
Fine. Sweep the leg.
498
00:18:51,585 --> 00:18:53,992
Sweep the leg if you
care more about winning
499
00:18:54,024 --> 00:18:55,732
than you do about humanity.
500
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:59,273
Sweep the leg if you want this
petty rivalry to own your soul.
501
00:18:59,298 --> 00:19:01,119
- Sweep the leg if...
- You heard him!
502
00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:02,607
Sweep the leg!
503
00:19:02,645 --> 00:19:04,835
(Cheering)
504
00:19:05,332 --> 00:19:06,683
No. No.
505
00:19:06,717 --> 00:19:12,772
506
00:19:12,806 --> 00:19:14,474
(Bone crunches) (Boy) Ow!
507
00:19:14,508 --> 00:19:18,027
Visitors disqualified! The
dental decay sluggers win!
508
00:19:18,062 --> 00:19:19,918
- Yeah!
- (Laughing) Boom!
509
00:19:20,038 --> 00:19:22,033
Yeah! Oh, man.
510
00:19:22,066 --> 00:19:23,783
Well done!
511
00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:25,318
- You had to know.
- What?
512
00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:28,065
You had to know that your
kid would be disqualified
513
00:19:28,071 --> 00:19:29,442
for cobra kai'ing my third baseman.
514
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:30,630
And I know why you did it. (Boy cries)
515
00:19:30,642 --> 00:19:31,380
(Boy) Ow! (Mouth word)
516
00:19:31,662 --> 00:19:33,020
- You did it for me.
- N... no.
517
00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:34,609
Noah, I didn't do it for you.
518
00:19:34,609 --> 00:19:36,692
I tried very hard to stop it, actually.
519
00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:38,006
(Loudly) No.
520
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:39,351
I know you did.
521
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,391
You did everything you could.
522
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:43,775
(Laughs) I would do the
same thing for you, buddy...
523
00:19:43,788 --> 00:19:45,227
any one of these kids.
524
00:19:45,347 --> 00:19:46,853
You just say the word.
525
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:48,092
Thanks?
526
00:19:48,098 --> 00:19:49,563
Which kid, though?
527
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,540
I need to know which kid.
528
00:19:51,884 --> 00:19:54,080
Unless you want me to pick.
529
00:19:55,638 --> 00:19:56,677
(Sighs)
530
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,178
Just remember...
531
00:19:58,441 --> 00:20:00,068
you're the reason we won this game.
532
00:20:00,118 --> 00:20:01,587
I don't know what came over me.
533
00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:04,215
And it's not like playing
dirty helps. We lost!
534
00:20:05,016 --> 00:20:05,948
Did we?
535
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:08,025
Yes. I checked the scoreboard to make sure.
536
00:20:08,044 --> 00:20:09,370
No, I meant in a bigger sense.
537
00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:11,772
Yeah, I know. We lost
in a bigger sense, too.
538
00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:13,148
Poor sportsmanship,
539
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:15,000
ugly, ugly costumes,
540
00:20:15,063 --> 00:20:16,451
and we injured a boy.
541
00:20:16,495 --> 00:20:20,017
Yes, but we learned an important lesson...
542
00:20:20,843 --> 00:20:22,163
which means we won.
543
00:20:22,201 --> 00:20:23,853
George, you're looking on the bright side.
544
00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:25,793
- You got that from me.
- (Boy) Ow!
545
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,513
(Screaming) Oh! Oh!
546
00:20:27,633 --> 00:20:29,647
Well, I can't unbreak his leg,
547
00:20:29,659 --> 00:20:32,600
but I can unbreak this
feud with Noah Werner.
548
00:20:34,495 --> 00:20:36,860
Wait. You can unbreak it?
549
00:20:36,841 --> 00:20:38,149
That means the feud's back on.
550
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:40,883
You wanna break it, not unbreak it.
551
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:43,398
- Right?
- Mm-hmm.
552
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,132
(Noah) Great job out there.
553
00:20:50,861 --> 00:20:54,158
Sometimes doing the right
thing still feels wrong.
554
00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:57,224
There's nothing a 2-day
old gingersnap can't fix.
555
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:01,335
How about adultery?
556
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:03,750
"Ask Tessa" knew it all along.
557
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,671
I wish she was wrong, but...
558
00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:07,648
she just never is.
559
00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:10,564
No, not when it comes to
other people's problems.
560
00:21:10,684 --> 00:21:12,129
Are we off me already?
561
00:21:12,249 --> 00:21:14,318
What are you trying to say, Lisa?
562
00:21:14,738 --> 00:21:16,658
I'm trying to say that,
563
00:21:17,321 --> 00:21:20,588
sometimes it's easier to
diagnose other people's problems
564
00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:22,177
than your own.
565
00:21:24,955 --> 00:21:27,933
There's no such thing
as a 3-day away game?
566
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:32,557
There is no such thing
as a 3-day away game.
567
00:21:39,060 --> 00:21:45,152
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
568
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,123
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569
00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:53,723
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