Original subtitles

[ STATIC ]

♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪

♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪

♪ And when God comes and calls me to his kingdom ♪

♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪

My turn. Hell no.

Hey, man, let me drive that thing!

Do not touch the trim!

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Bulldogs! Whoo!

Go, Dawgs! Kick their ass!

[ VOCALIZING FIGHT SONG ]

We on our way to the Georgia-Florida game,

the world's largest outdoor cocktail party, brotha!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Well, a-all right, then.

Uh... good night.

Now, hold on, Sheriff.

We wanted you to come with us.

To Jacksonville?

I've only dreamt about going to Florida.

You want me to drive, don't ya?

No, no! Hell no! Are you kiddin' me?

What kind of damn friend you think I am, Sheriff?

I'm sorry, guys. What the hell?

Where am I gonna sit?

Sit behind the wheel, homeboy. You drivin'.

Fine.

[ CAR ALARM CHIRPS ] No, no.

The big one.

Ooh! It's like a city on wheels!

Oh, no! Not Cheeseburger in Paradise.

I don't want to put any miles on her.

Sheriff, do you want to be on your deathbed askin' yourself,

"Why didn't I say yes to drivin' Early and his people

to Jacksonville in my brand-new RV?"

Do you want that to be your one regret?

This is your chance to set things right.

[ SIGHS ]

I know you want me to drive you to the game

and you want me to use my RV,

and, damn it, I-I'm hungry to belong,

so let's just overlook my dignity

and do this thing.

Y'all come on! Hell yeah!

All right! Whoo-hoo! Go, Dawgs!

GPS: Dawgs sweep left onto Exit 435 to I-75 South,

and run, Lindsay, run!

Lindsay Scott! Lindsay Scott!

Straight until you reach the 10. [ SNIFFS ]

Interstate 10! Hey, uh, y'all cookin' somethin' back there?

Nope. I'm just sendin' my turd back in time to kill Hitler.

This future toilet is amazin'!

Early, did you just crap in my micro...

Aah! You did!

I said only number ones on the road!

Number twos, we pull over!

I hit number 2... Meat.

Don't worry. This'll be flushed in just under...

[ SPLAT ] ...seven minutes.

Oh, man, we crossin' the state line, y'all! Whoo!

Kiss everybody for good luck, Granny.

[ BOTH MOANING ]

Squeeze my ass.

For luck.

Rusty, you want a piece of this?

Naw. No. No, thank you. I'm good.

Come on, Sheriff. Get you a handful. No strings attached.

It ain't every day you get to cross a state line.

Uh, uh, no, thank you. I'm driving.

Yeah, he's drivin', Granny. Just stroke him off.

Oh, okay. No, Granny. No. [ UNZIPS ]

No, no! [ CLEARS THROAT ] I'm fine.

Just... reheat my coffee, uh, for me, please?

[ BEEP ] Steak or fish?

You know what? Never mind.

[ MARCHING BAND PLAYS ]

Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Oh, yeah! We made it!

Go, Dawgs! We here in Florida!

Florida sucks! Florida sucks!

$100 a day for parking. Damn!

Hey, why don't you yank that stick out your ass

and suck you down a cold one, Sheriff?

This is how we do, baby!

[ CHUCKLING ] Oh, no.

Just a sugar-free diet cream soda for me, please.

This can says "beer."

All of 'em do.

Uh, okay.

I-I-I'll try a beer.

SQUIDS: [ CHANTING ] Drink! Drink!

[ GULPING ]

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

[ GULPING ]

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

[ GULPING ]

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

[ BELCHES ]

Ahh!

You know, Early, that was my first adult beverage.

I hope I drank it right.

[ CLEARS THROAT ] Alcohol sure is refreshing.

I think it gets a bad rap.

You preachin' to the choir, son. [ CHUCKLES ]

And pretty soon, you gonna be a-singin' to your shoes.

Get you a jello shooter!

SQUIDS: Drink! Drink! Drink!

Spit out any red-and-yellow stuff.

My belly ring's infected.

[ SLURPS ]

Drink!

Ooh-wee!

Jim Dandy!

[ CLANK ] What time's the game?

[ CHUCKLES ] "Game."

We ain't goin' to no game.

That game's six hours from now.

We'll be facedown and ass-up by then.

We come here to get fucked up in a damn parkin' lot, baby.

Football! Whoo!

SQUIDS: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Football! Whoo!

Beer me another beer, brew dog!

SQUIDS: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

♪♪

[ SLURRING ] Yee-haw! I win!

I'm the corn-bowl king!

Man, calm down, Sheriff.

I didn't smash that.

The guy who... smashed that had his shirt on.

Go, you sliver bitches!

[ CHUCKLES ] They're silver britches, dumbass.

Like Dungarees.

[ GUNSHOTS ] Go, you sliver Dungarees!

Daddy, you got to rein this in.

Relax, son. Sheriff didn't do nothin'.

Guy who shot the gun off

didn't have his ding-a-ling hangin' out, right, Sheriff?

Daddy, no! That's right!

The guy who shot the gun didn't [FARTS]

have his ding-a-ling out, like I do.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Helicopter!

Sheriff, put your pants on! There's children here!

Aw, they can handle it.

Go, Dawgs! Sic 'em!

[ GUNSHOTS ] Woof, woof, woof!

Where's he goin'?! Hell if I know.

Don't lose him! He's funny as hell!

Hey, where'd you get that beer?

This ain't a beer, you dumb asshole.

This is an empty can.

And you smoke weed of it... Out of it...

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

[ STIFLED ] ...like I've been doing.

Who gave you that? You could lose your job, Sheriff.

[ INHALES ] Yeah, you give me that can right now.

I gotta get my damn party on, too!

It's cashed, bro.

I-I think beer's a gateway drug

to this harder stuff that I'm [CLEARS THROAT] now enjoying.

Whooooo!

No, I'm the "whoo" guy. I say "whoo."

"Whoo!" is my catchphrase.

See? Whoo! Whoo!

If you "Whoo," too, that makes my "Whoo" less special!

Whoo! Whoo!

Ya see, now? It's just a wall of "Whoo" s.

Nobody can tell who's "Whoo" -in'. Whoo!

You dilutin' my damn brand!

I-I'm sorry.

Does our conversation interest you, asshole?

Sheriff, who you talkin' to?

Whoa, whoa! Hold on a sec, now!

Shit! Chill out, dudes.

The... The guy who beat this guy nearly to death...

...wasn't wearin' no pants.

Sheriff, what are you doin'?

Free tickets for the game!

Florida! Whoo!

I told you, Daddy... We need to dial him back!

Well, you best be dialing me back, too, then,

'cause I'm the craziest sumbitch right here.

Looky here. Watch this.

See there? I'm wild, too.

That's right. Vacation! Whoo!

The stadium is that way, dumbass!

Hell, you runnin' straight into the damn river!

I-I hope this don't reflect too harshly

on people from Georgia.

[ MARCHING BAND PLAYS ]

Amateur hour is over, Sheriff.

Best get your shit together.

We don't want to draw no attention to ourselves

until we inside.

Is that alcohol in there, Early?

I thought that was your cellphone!

Shh, shh, shh. I got to make an important call inside,

if you get my drift.

Uh, let me... Let me make a call.

No! I don't need you usin' up my data!

This ain't no family plan.

But I want to call Dr. Feelgood, Early.

He's my beer dealer.

You can't get no signal here, Sheriff.

I can, but you can't.

I gotta call somebody! It's an emergency!

Let go of that! Is there a problem here, fellas?

No! No, sir. You bet there is!

He won't let me drink alcohol from his fake telephone.

Uh, this here's just a cellular smartphone.

Hey! I'm on hold now! [ SNIFFS ]

No! You drainin' the battery!

No! I just charged that!

Let me drink that battery juice!

Sheriff... Oh, come on, now.

Let's not get kicked out of here. Come on.

[ GURGLES ]

Stop being such a pussy!

Florida sucks!

Woof, woof, woof!

[ MARCHING BAND PLAYS ]

Damn, Sheriff, you committed felony assault

for the cheap-ass seats?

Well, the seats might be shitty, but the view is all titty.

Motorboat!

Bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb!

You best take care of your bro here.

He about to get swatted down.

[ VOMITS ]

I'm sorry. My botormoat runs on vomit.

Could it... Would it be cool if I kissed you?

I-I saw that in pornography.

Your bro better step off. I want to catch a vape.

Sheriff, do not upstage me here!

This is my time to shine, not yours!

He's passed out, Daddy. See? [ SNORING ]

Finally! Hell, let's get some beer

and turn the volume up on this shit.

They don't sell no beer here, Daddy. What the...

What kinda college ain't got no binge-drinkin'?!

Florida is all schoolmarms, teetotalers, and pantywaists!

Hell, I knowed there was a reason I didn't come down here

to pursue my graduate degree!

Come on! Let's get the hell outta here!

Uh-oh. Where's Sheriff?

Aw, hell. Sheriff!

Gimme a "T"!

Gimme an "I"!

Gimme a T-T-Y!

What the hell is he spellin'? What's that spell?

What does that spell? That spells "titty," Daddy!

He's gonna get us in trouble! Get down from there, Sheriff!

Get down, you dumbass son of a bitch!

This ain't no spellin' bee!

You need to tell that to the sheriff!

'Cause this guy who's balancing on the handrail's

got his shirt...

Aaaaaah! Sheriff!

[ GRUNTING ]

MAN: My chew!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ FABRIC RIPS ] Heeeeeeeey!

I'm flyyyyyyying!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ VOMITS ]

Go, Bulldogs!

Eat my knuckles, stupid!

Whoa!

Rusty! Early!

Sheriff! Shut your damn mouth, boy.

We don't know him. He ain't with us.

♪♪

I never thought it would end like this.

Daddy, don't you worry.

You've been to jail a million times yourself.

The sheriff's gonna be fine in there.

It ain't him I'm worried about. It's me.

Hell, I used to be the wildest banana in the bunch.

But did you see what the sheriff done today?

That should have been me out there

with a face full of boobs and a fist full of face,

a chest full of vomit and pants full of shit.

I been drinkin' my whole life for this moment,

only to watch somebody make a bigger asshole of themselves

than I can!

Would it make you feel better if you butt-chug some vodka?

What have I got to celebrate?

Let's just finish all this beer and drive home.

Um, shouldn't we drop by the jail

and maybe bail out the sheriff?

Ah, God damn it.

There's only one toilet in here and no seat.

How am I supposed to sit down and pee?

Just take out my tally-whacker in front of God and everybody?

[ BELL CHIMES ] Early!

You came back for me!

No, we just come back for your keys.

Early! Wait!

RV don't run worth a damn without them keys.

Guys, where you going?

Daddy, wait. It ain't right to leave him here.

Yeah. But I'm still gonna do it 'cause I'm jealous and petty.

[ BELL CHIMES ]

[ DRUMLINE PLAYS ]

Made in Georgia.

Go, Dawgs.