Original subtitles

Well, sweetheart, it's like my mother always told me.

If you're going to cry, do it in an alley.

Gather around, everybody.

I have some exciting news. I'm pleased to say

we are taking on Gabe McKeon as a client.

No way!

A hockey star coming out is the biggest news in sports

and I want you two working with him.

Well, that's great! Dave, we're gonna hustle hard,

we're gonna muck it up in the corners. Happy to help the team.

Yeah, we're just gonna take it one shift at a time, coach,

get some pucks to the net and hopefully pull out a win.

Great, great. Oh, and Stephanie, I need you

on this beverage account. We need someone hitting the bars

every night to influence the target market.

Don't worry, I'll hit the bulls-eye!

- Oh... Honey, no. - (laughing)

Bryce? Something you'd like to share with the class?

Oh, sorry, sir. Gordon just showed me this very funny thing

on the internet, "22 Weird Ways To Peel A Banana".

It's ludicrous! Who knew?

Oh! "Which Olsen Twin Are You?"

Obviously Mary-Kate. Or am I?

Let me know when you find out, because when I paint us as them,

I never know who's who.

Gordon, what have I told you about expressing yourself artistically?

- "Don't." - Yes.

I'm Ashley?

- Come on! - Fill the lens

With all your friends Oh-oh-oh

Now is forever

Come on Fill the lens

With all your friends

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Who has two thumbs and just landed the Brodka account?

- This guy! - What? No, this guy!

- (laughing) - Anyway, it's a micro beer

mixed with premium flavoured vodka.

Ugh! Why do people keep making bad things?

It's innovation!

We're launching this week and we need somebody

to go to the clubs every night and suggest it to people.

Oh, I love peer pressure. Although back in seventh grade

I did get a lot of girls to start smoking.

Abby, you would be amazing for this job.

Well, you know, you're not wrong.

So what do you say? You wanna drink for free

while tricking other people into drinking?

I like it because it's glamorous and sneaky like me.

Oh, cigarette?

I'd love one.

No! God, you're good!

(laughing) You're good.

I am.

You know, it's getting hard to remember which of our clients

want their nude photos leaked and which ones don't.

(laughing)

Bryce, are you even listening to me?

Sorry, sir, I was just... reviewing some data.

"17 Ways Cats Are Reading Your Mind."

He's obsessed with clicky sites.

Now he just talks to me in lists.

Okay, one, that is unfair.

Two, I do not.

And three, somebody is a tattletale nosy perker.

I've never seen so many tabs. What's...

"14 Ways Gingers Cuddle All Wrong."

"21 Things Only 90's Girls Can Understand."

I mean, this stuff isn't even relevant to your life.

Don't worry, sir. I will stop.

Alright.

Everything I'm doing, "And Watch This Baby Seal Surf!"

Apparently I won't believe what happens next.

The seal takes off its costumes, it's a monkey.

They're so advanced!

My teammates have been very supportive since I've come out.

Mostly because it means more puck bunnies for them.

Hockey groupies! So cool.

I told you, you should have played hockey

instead of the clarinet.

Hey, clarinet bunnies are a rare and underappreciated breed.

So, we've already got

the first 10 dates of your speaking tour lined up.

Great, as long as I'm not going to Philly.

- Flyer's fans? Brutal. - (small laugh)

Hey, you know, you're not speaking tonight.

We could grab a beer later. Manion's, 8:30?

- Sure. - (both): Alright!

And you're welcome.

- Oh, come on! - You don't think he's hot?

Yeah, he's so hot the government has to put out a warning to the elderly.

Perfect. I'll wingman for you. Look, I owe you.

Of the three-and-a-half girls I slept with in college,

- you helped me land two and three-quarters. - I closed, you fumbled.

I'll talk you up.

Before you know it, he'll be falling in love with you.

In lust with you. In one-night stand with you?

There it is. Fine, but listen,

just don't try to pull focus, okay? Don't try to be cute.

I'm the star here, not you.

Gotcha. You're Superman, I'm Clark Kent.

No, you're like the kid who says, "Look, there's Superman!",

and then disappears for the rest of the movie.

Okay, I found six different outfits in your closet.

Perfect amount for a montage.

- A montage? - It's where I cross my arms

at all your zany outfit choices until the very last one,

where I cry. All to upbeat music!

I got dressed without you. It went much faster.

Well, that seems deliberately hurtful, but okay.

Here's some brand messaging to mix into conversation tonight.

I'm a conversation ninja!

Compliment, compliment.

Branding, branding. Bacon-wrapped something.

"And I will take one billion cases of Brodka, please!"

- Done! - Okay, that's okay!

- I have backups! - Really?

Okay, we're gonna go to an industrial bar.

It's super cool, almost too cool.

There's no front door, no back door, and if you look like you're having a good time,

they'll kick you out.

Oh, I've been there. If you want to go to the bathroom,

you have to answer a trivia question.

You know, I really think you should have waited for me

- to do the montage. - What do you mean?

- Montage! - We're not doing a montage.

Okay.

"Top 12 Celebrities Who Look Like Ears of Corn."

(giggling) This is gonna be good!

Bryce, you look like hell.

Relative to the Corn people or just in general?

You more resemble an onion, but either way, I am taking your computer.

No! But sir, there's still so much internet!

And I want your tablet and your phone.

(sigh)

And your ankle phone.

Psst! He keeps a backup tablet

in the toilet tank. I'm on it!

- Thank you, Gordon. - Sir, this is a violation!

No, this is necessary.

What's necessary is for me to find out

which Mario Brother I am.

You're Luigi, Bryce!

You'll always be Luigi!

(dance music playing)

This is great!

Hey, look! It's a hipster at two o'clock!

It's a hipster at every o'clock! You're gonna have

- to be more specific. - At the bar!

Brodka, please.

Cool song.

Pretty obscure band, though. You probably haven't heard of them.

I have two years ago.

- I used to date the oboist. - Me too.

What's, uh...

What's that?

Oh, this? Just something I saw a lumberjack drinking

while holding some records and wearing some glasses

he didn't even need. Who cares though, right?

I'll take one of those.

(both laughing)

Hey, you're buddy's been gone a while, huh?

This place has mood light?

Maybe. Or maybe you're going blind.

Attributable to diabetic retinopathy, my friend.

Ha! Ha! No, I'm no doctor.

I'm just the guy telling the weird joke with no punch line.

Why would I do that? That's so crazy!

I don't know anything about comedy, but you know who does?

This guy.

(nervous laugh)

Hey, what're you doing?

I'm wing-manning, best buddy edition.

Okay, 'cause you're unbelievably bad at it.

Just roll with it. I'm warming him up!

Guys, you're speaking at normal volume.

I can hear everything you're saying.

- (dance music playing) - Hey, what about that girl?

The one with the phone attached to her hand.

On it!

Oh, my God! Your phone case is, like, so cute!

So cute I actually just want to die right now!

- (both laughing) - You are so funny.

On the real though,

have you tried this? It's like all I care about.

- Cute label! - Damn, she's good! Ha!

Oh, this is not!

- Should we take a selfie? - We def' should!

So he's voted best hair five years in a row.

You can't make that up!

Anyway, man, I just love drinkin',

chillin', talkin', spillin' about my boy Nelson here.

Mmm!

Hey, Beckett, why don't you grab another beer?

At another table, at another bar.

Oh! I'm feeling you.

No, don't get up.

Oh, movin' to a booth? Sounds cosy!

Naw, I'm going to rest my abs for the shoot tomorrow.

- See you, guys. - Alright.

He's resting his abs.

(both): To us!

Ugh, man!

(coughing)

Okay, so the first night, we got people curious.

And tomorrow night, we get the branding to stick.

- Tomorrow night? Oh, I can't. - What? Why?

My PVR is super full!

So I really can't commit to anything else.

Abby, we talked about this being a week-long thing.

How's my favorite wingman?

- Yeah! - No, he's not a wingman!

He's more like an anchorman. And not because he reads the news

at 6pm and 11,

because he weighs me down like a...

like an anchor!

(sigh)

Well, looks like things are gonna be awkward around here

for a few days. Ha! Ha!

Bye!

How was your night?

Your roommate sucks.

Hey, Steph!

- What's up? - Shouldn't you be in the dugout

adjusting your cup?

I have four pieces of gum in my mouth.

I can't get rid of this Brodka taste from last night.

You know, usually that would make me gag, but somehow you pull it off.

Hey, you know Abby bailed on me.

Now I have nobody to sell the hooch down at the clubs.

Why don't you just do it yourself?

What has Abby got that's so great?

I don't know, she does this sexy baby voice.

Okay, well do your sexy baby voice.

Come on, I know you've got one! Try it.

(hoarse voice): Hey, girl! Hey!

Why don't you give Brodka a try?

Okay, so your baby

is a professional wrestler named Steve.

(laughing)

That's okay! You can still pull this off.

Yeah, maybe I can. I'll give it a shot.

Thanks, Beckett.

And how's it going with Nelson and Gabe?

(sighing): Not great. Not yet. But trust me,

- there will be a love connection. - Really? How?

Nelson seemed pretty annoyed last night.

Temporary setback. I've got a plan.

Yeah? Okay, good.

Mmm!

Oh, still taste the Brodka!

- Hey, buddy! You busy? - Yeah, I've got a lot of work...

Great, this will just take a sec.

Oh, no! This isn't one of your dumb slideshows, is it?

Of course not.

This is one of my spectacular slideshows!

As a newborn,

I was placed in a nursery

full of crying babies. The nurses were overwhelmed.

I put that smile on my face. Before you know it,

room full of happy babies. Problem solved.

When do you find the time to put this together?

I got up very early. At the age of five,

when Jason Bradley got chicken pox, I got them too,

just so he had someone to play with.

Can you go get a disease right now?

I have a disease. It's called positivity.

Alright, I'll fast-forward.

Fast-forward... Oh, this is so good! Look at that guy.

Okay! Present day. Interior, hallway.

I wing-manned Mrs. Nikapopulous' groceries from the elevator.

Yeah, no, assisting the elderly is not wing-manning.

I know, I just love this photo. Anyway, look...

I know I screwed up, but I can fix this.

- No, you can't. - Yes, dude, I can!

I've seem Top Gun like a hundred times.

I feel the need...

The need for good deeds!

You do know that Goose died, right?

Yeah, but Maverick still got the girl...

Guy. Girl, guy, who cares?

He was Maverick! Just be at Manion's at 8:00.

Okay, buddy.

We got this.

Sir? Gordon told me that you want me to take

the "Which Sex and the City Character Are You" quiz.

There's been a change of plans, Miranda.

We've got him now!

- You tricked me! - Good work, Gordon.

Thanks, Dave! It's the only thing I've done all day.

- Sit there. - Sir, I'm not an addict.

I can quit anytime!

I told you,

I'm fine. This is absurd!

Is it absurd to care for a friend

that's gone down the wrong path? We're not here to judge you.

I am. I thought that was the whole point of this.

(clears throat)

"We don't talk about it ever,

"but I love you very much, dad,

and I know you love me."

Okay, clearly, this was copied from some template.

- He just called me "dad". - Bryce, this is important!

- To him. - (clears throat)

"Dad, your alcoholism" I mean clicky site addiction

"is ruining your life.

"We want you to accept help.

Love, your daughter Tina." I mean, your daughter Gordon.

- Okay, that's it! - Shut your mouth!

You don't get to talk yet!

- Your turn, Dave. - I forfeit my turn.

You know what?

I really thought this was going to be a lot more fun.

(TV playing)

- (sigh) - Hey, you!

Just in time for Real Single Moms of Burnaby.

So this is your evening?

- Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa! - Oh, you know

you're getting thrown in the above-ground pool!

Oh, no, not the above-ground pool!

Rude!

You know that Stephanie is out there all alone right now,

armed with nothing but an enchanting smile

and the voice of a long haul trucker from Kentucky.

You can't commit to anything!

That's not true. I just got a year-long phone plan!

Maybe you should use some of those minutes to call Stephanie.

Hmm?

I felt that.

"And when you weren't there for my graduation

because of your drinking, I felt so alone."

Oh, my God!

- Tina's had the saddest life! - (door opens)

Oh, is this still going on?

We've made some real breakthroughs, Dave!

Bryce was crying.

Only because I was begging you to stop.

This isn't working, and I have things to do.

Oh, I knew you would come to your senses, sir!

Sweet mother's milk!

What are you doing, Dave? You're enabling him!

I'm sorry, but I have to. I mean, I can't possibly

run this place without him. So I can't fire him.

I guess I'll just have to learn to do some things for myself.

Oh, gosh!

Oh, looks like a formal invitation from President Obama.

I'm not much of a mail guy.

I guess if it's important, he'll call.

No, I'll get to that later.

Well, all this office work's made me a little peckish.

- I think I'm gonna get some food. - (dialing)

Hello? Hello, pizza?

Pizza? Is this pizza?

Sir, that is the intercom button.

You just asked everyone on the floor if they were a pizza.

Oh well, I guess I'll probably starve to death.

I'd better get my affairs in order. All right...

Oh, these are gonna fly apart.

Alright, here we go.

Ah! Ah!

No, sir, that is not how a stapler works!

Well, I don't know! I just...

(groans)

I guess this is just my life from now on!

Not on my watch!

Sir, why don't you hold on to these a little bit longer,

while I order you a pizza.

- Good to have you back, Bryce. - It's good to be back, sir.

You know, I just realized something.

Bryce's real addiction is you.

Yes, and if you ever try to intervene, I will destroy you.

- Hey, mind if I join you? - Gabe! What are you doing here?

Well, your lighting technician sent me.

He tracked me down and showed me a very convincing slideshow.

(laughing): Ah, yeah! That's how he gets you!

Yeah...

- So... - Yeah.

- Cool! - Right.

Look, I'm not feeling this, you know?

No, not a bit, actually. But hey, thanks again

for, you know, putting the tour together.

My pleasure! It was really great working with you.

- Alright, buddy, take care. - See you later.

I know you're here, Beckett.

(high-pitched voice): No, he's not!

Okay, yes, I am.

For the record,

I closed, you fumbled.

Fair enough, fair enough.

- Hey, let's have a drink. - I got no time.

Since I help with her groceries, Mrs. Nikapopulous invited me for dinner.

Oh, wow! She makes a mean moussaka!

- Oh yeah! - Can I be your plus one?

Of course. What kind of wingman would I be

if I couldn't get you a seat at the Nikapopulous table?

Again, not actually a wingman.

Unless you try to hook me up with Mrs. Nikapopulous.

Hey, nothing's off the table.

(dance music playing)

Hey! Mmm!

What is this cool juice?

Okay...

Whou, still rockin' the Brodka!

Bitchin' choice!

I'm against everything you stand for.

Hey, come on, anybody! It's free!

We better like free stuff, eh, sisters? Yeah!

Okay...

(sigh)

Oh, hello.

I was just having some casual conversation for my new friends.

Please don't talk near me.

Yeah, you guys seem super tight.

What happened to your date with your PVR?

I'm sorry. I know I'm not the best

when it comes to committing to things

or jobs, or people.

It's okay. You're here now, so let's sell some hooch!

Hey! This isn't a thing yet!

- You want a beer? - I was gonna get a vodka soda.

Oh, you know what? Me too, actually.

(gasp)

- Abby, I just influenced you! - Score, Stephanie!

Are you ready for this?

I've been ready for a long time.

(both): Montage!

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0