Original subtitles

I got here as fast as I could. I didn't even have time to put on a pocket puff.

Yeah, and I forgot sock garters,

but somehow we'll endure this nightmare together.

Nels, relax, dude. It's Saturday.

If Dave brought us in on a Saturday, it must be serious.

Happy Saturday, boys!

Oh, Nelson,

no pocket puff! What, did you just roll out of bed?

Sweet ride, Dave. Somebody jack your tricycle?

No, an old established firm just fired their reps, creating an opportunity for us.

We have 2 days to show that we are the company

to re-brand Old Fashioned Toys for the 21st century.

I got it! New Fashioned Toys.

- Alright, see you Monday. - Not so fast.

Bryce is gonna be up shortly with more of their merchandise.

So play with toys, boys, that's an order.

Getting paid to play with toys with my best bud?

And our guidance counsellor swore this job didn't exist.

Ah! Who's wasting their life

chasing the dream now, Mr. Tamberg?

- (Ding!) - (both): Pshhh! (both laughing)

Ah, Bryce, is that our stuff?

No, I always pull a wagon of toys with me wherever I go.

You're wearing a peacock dress

and a hemorrhoid pillow on your head.

You might not be in the best position to mock.

This is an authentic medieval overtunic

and velvet courtier roundlet. Now, who's mocking?

Still me, Lord of Darkness.

Peasants. I can't believe I'm missing Lord Langworthy's bloodletting for this.

Gordon? Dave dragged you in here too?

No, Saturday is my catch-up day.

I just like to be comfortable when I'm looking

through everyone's desk drawers.

We have a lot of weirdos working here.

Fill the lens

With all your friends

Oh-oh-oh now

Is forever

Come on, fill the lens

With all your friends

synced and corrected by awaqeded www.addic7ed.com

Hi! You have reached Stephanie Lyons.

I'm away all week being honoured as one

of the Top 10 Young Business Women of The Year.

I'm number 9! Suck it, 10!

If you require immediate assistance, please contact

Dave Lyons... who has enough time to respond to your call,

but not to attend his daughter's awards ceremony.

Stephanie, what are you doing here?

Just changing my outgoing message.

Ah! Aren't you supposed to hang up after?

Dammit!

- What are you doing here, Abby? - Oh! I'm here to replace you.

You're what?

Your dad has this big pitch coming up,

and he said you're off on a girls' week.

No, no, I'm being honoured. Top 10 Young Business Women

of The Year. I'm number 9. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, martinis, male strippers, I get it!

But I'm stuck here picking up your slack.

- So, he just hired you out of the blue? - Mm-hmm.

You know, I needed 3 reference letters, 2 interviews,

and a psychological test.

Passing psychological tests is tricky.

Whenever they show you a picture and ask what you see,

always say "butterfly".

Never say "murder sandwich".

Oh, Stephanie! You're still here. I thought you'd be out

getting gussied up all day for your week off.

I'm not taking a week off, I'm being honoured. Top 10 Young Business Women...

Yes, yes, that's right. You're number 6.

- Actually, she's number 9. - Oh!

So, Dad, you just hired Abby...

without a drug test or...?

Well, what am I supposed to do? You're off on spring break,

Bryce is busy LARPing, which I believe is the ancient Gaelic

for nerd orgy. Oh, and that reminds me,

- as we discussed, money up front. - Thank you.

- It's a little insulting, Dad. - I think it's more than fair.

Insulting to me. That's more than my daily rate.

Oh! What can I say? The kid's quite a negotiator.

Hey, do I get a scooter?

No, you do not.

I'm gonna get a damn scooter.

(quick clacking)

Hey, come on! Quit playing around, man.

It's hard to concentrate with those balls in my face.

You get used to it. Graham did.

Nelson, focus.

(Nelson sighs.) How are we going to make

- the yo-yo hip again? - Hum... I say we call it

the "Yo-yo-yo".

Can you try to be a grown-up here?

No way! Check it out,

- an Erector set. - (laughing): Erector.

- You know your audience. - I used one of these

when I built that bridge project to win the fifth grade science fair.

Remember? You were supposed to help me with it,

- but instead you goofed off. - Ah, come on, Abrams!

- You can do it. Go to your hole! - Some things never change, huh?

Alright, OK. Enough, no more games.

No more games?

Not even the greatest game ever invented

by the 10-year-old minds of Nelson and Beckett?

You mean...

- Becksonball? - No, I mean, Nelskettball.

But I don't blame you for forgetting because you took

a lot of Nelskettballs... to the head!

Nelson, quit it!

OK, you were offside.

Go!

Alright, you can do this.

Come on, Stephanie, nut up! (sigh)

Hi, this is Stephanie. I'll be away for the week...

- Still here? - Ah! Dammit!

Didn't mean to startle you. I just thought you'd be long gone.

Yeah, I know, I'm really late for my manicure. Can you give me a ride?

Oh, I'd love to, but my schedule's really jammed, right, Abby?

- Yes, super jammed. - Super jammed.

I told you I'd get the damn scooter. We are late to see the band.

- Band? - Yeah.

- You guys are gonna see a band? - Yeah, it was Abby's idea.

We're pulling out all the stops to wow this client.

We're trying to show them we're hip.

- Yeah. - Oh, that sounds kind of fun.

Oh, it's gonna be fun!

Oh, Dave! Last one in the elevator buys margaritas.

- Oh! - Oh! Oh!

Don't forget that we're having dinner before you take me to the airport.

How could I forget? That was my way of apologizing

for not being able to make it to your ceremony.

So, you won't forget?

With this great new colleague to remind me? Yeah!

OK, bye!

- (Abby): Margaritas! - Awww, if you're feeling down,

I found some pills in someone's desk.

I won't name names, because that's not fair to Craig...

in accounting. The one that sits there?

We got runners on 16th base,

- Hey, foot on the base. - (fart)

(laugh) I never get tired of that.

- (inaudible talking) - Ghost runner on 47th and...

94th.

Ryan with a commanding lead. Winds up, there's the pitch!

Oh, and it's a hit, and the crowd goes wild.

Woo! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh! Ah! Jeez! Stubbed my toe on the Erector Set.

(Nelson chuckles.)

It says "Erector".

At least this time you touched it.

(Nelson sighs.) Still with the science fair again?

Drop it, man! Like that.

Dude, that was a big moment for me.

Before I won that, I got picked on. A lot.

Yeah. Didn't help that you carried around a stupid diary either.

Uh, excuse me,

it was a journal full of my short stories.

I specifically like the short story entitled,

Everyone at school hates me because I carry around a diary.

You read my dia... journal? How could you?

Don't be such a baby.

Better than being an insensitive goof.

Would you rather I be a sensitive goof?

- Would be nice for a change! - Yeah? You need a change!

- I'll change your face! - I'll change your face!

- I'll change all about you! - What are you guys playing?

- Becksonball! - Nelskettball!

Gordonball!

- Am I playing it right? - Not now.

It doesn't matter because I'm leaving!

I don't give a care. I built that bridge by myself,

I can finish this case by myself.

Ho! Ho! Ho! That bridge was a piece of crap!

You take that back.

- Why don't you make me? - Why don't you watch me

- make you? - Bring it on! Is this what you got?

Is it halftime? I'll go get the orange slices.

As far as I can remember, 1982 was just hearsay.

(Abby laughs.)

Dad, I've been trying to call you! Why haven't you been answering your phone?

I gave it to Abby. She's been screening my calls.

- Sorry, we were very busy shopping. - Mm-hmm.

At my favourite jewelry store? Were you're buying your clients new diamond earrings?

No, that would be inappropriate. These are for Abby.

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

I thought it was too much, but he insisted

that I look professional for the client.

What!? She's gonna see the client? On her first day?

The kid's a great negotiator.

I could have used her when I was divorcing your mother.

- Ah, you! - No, you!

- (laughs) Oh, me! - (Nelson): Idiot!

You like girls! Yeah, you smell like a girl.

- I like that! - Boys, what are you doing?

- (both): Nothing. - You know, Nelson,

I expect this from you, but, Beckett, you should know better.

- He knows worse! - You know worse!

I don't care who knows worse.

Now, both of you,

go to your boardroom and stay there until you have played

with all your toys! Do I make myself clear?

(both): Yes, Dave.

Dave, we should really get back to work.

(laughing): You're right.

- She's just so darn helpful. - Oh! This guy...

You must get so sick of all the compliments.

Yeah, I'd like to compliment your face with my fist!

Wow!

Normally, when I'm here alone on Saturdays,

there's a lot less violence.

And a lot more nudity. Orange slice?

Ah!

I'd help you, but I'm just an insensitive goof.

No need. I already have a bajillion good ideas.

You're not funny!

Where are you guys? I need your help!

- Here! - In here!

I need dirt on Abby.

You! You live with her. What's her weakness?

- Bad taste in roommates? - Not as bad as my taste in friends.

Stop talking! I don't have time for your childish petty squabbles.

I need to destroy Abby's life before she steals my job

and my dad. Now tell me. Where are they?

Or I will huff and I will puff and I will

- blow this house down! - I don't know anything!

You, stop playing with your tiny little rocket and you tell me what you know.

Something about a boat. That's all I know, I swear to God.

A boat, you say...

Getting closer to you, Abby, can you feel me?

Bring me back something!

Me too!

I gotta get out of here, I'm starting to get a leg cramp.

Yeah, me too.

Know how I know you didn't help me

- on the science fair project? - So we're back on this?

Because you weren't there when I accepted the award.

- (Nelson sighs.) - And the winner

of the fifth grade science fair class project is...

...Beckett Ryan and his Bridge To Friendship.

Wow, this is such a surprise! I didn't prepare anything.

I'd like to thank my mom Linda for the lunches

that keep on giving, my psychologist Dr. Goldstein

for an ear that keeps on listening.

But most of all, I want to thank

my peers, for picking my Bridge To Friendship.

Unlike Nelson who bailed on me.

- Yeah! - Woo!

Good work!

How do you remember that so clearly?

Because that was a huge turning point for me.

The next day the wedgies stopped...

until I went through my overalls phase in tenth grade.

Yeah, but you brought that on yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to finish our work.

Alone. Again.

Bum head.

Gotcha.

Hello, this is Abby Hayes.

Ahoy to you too! Listen.

Apparently, I rented a boat for my client.

Yeah, I'd like to cancel it.

Reason? Because I'm stupid.

You'll have to keep the deposit? A very large deposit?

Yeah, you know, I think that's fair,

because I am so very stupid, and I should get my own father.

This is Abby Hayes.

Ah!

Guess what, Nelson? I don't need your help.

My bridge is an architectural wonder.

Looks like you're having trouble maintaining an Erector.

(laughs)

Get it?

Look, I better come clean.

You think that you did not need my help with that science fair project,

but you're wrong and I can prove it to you.

How?

You're not the only one with a remarkable memory.

Miss J, thanks for your time. I understand we have a problem

on our hands and I'd like to get ahead of this

and control the message.

Nelson, you're the problem.

You have been bullying this entire class.

Bullying is such an... ugly word.

Let's call it "using my powers of persuasion

to convince others to see things my way."

Yo, Riley!

If you want me to accept the blame for your bullying, these are my terms.

Nelson hereby accepts 2 weeks' detention.

Furthermore, Beckett shall win and get sole credit

for the science fair project.

Nelson this is so...

selfless. Why are you doing this?

The new kid needs a break.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I have suspension to serve. We cool?

Cool. R-Dog, let's roll.

I don't believe it. You rebranded me?

Yes! And I did a really good job.

- Everyone liked the new Beckett better! - Yeah, they did.

And what did you do to your diary after the science fair?

They were short stories, thank you.

And I finally had the confidence to submit them

- to that kid's magazine. - And what happened?

- I won the award. - For what?

- For best di-di-di... - What? I didn't hear that?

For best... diary entry.

Hey, man...

you launched my writing career.

(laughing): Yeah!

And you were my first PR client.

- (both): Pshhh! - (Nelson laughing)

Wait a minute. We still have one more issue to resolve.

The Old Fashioned Toys campaign.

Oh my God, I completely forgot!

I guess that's what happens when you play

117 quarters of Nelskettball in a row.

Wait, dude, I got it!

"Old Fashioned Toys Build Bridges to friendship."

I love it!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! We have a campaign

where friends can write in about old games that made

their childhood special. And we did it together.

Thanks for not bailing on me, Nelson...

Nelson? Hey, bring me back something!

Hi, this is Stephanie Lyons, I'm gonna be away all week.

Maybe even the week after that. Who knows? If you need anything,

you can ask Daddy's new favourite employee Abby,

unless you already have a daughter, in which case,

hold her close to your heart and don't ever let her go.

- Stephanie! Stephanie! - Stephanie! Steph!

- Look what we made. - It's a friendship bridge!

- Why don't you jump off it?! - Ohhh, yeah!

Awesome, totally!

(Ding!)

Oh, look who it is!

- I thought your ship had sailed. - Stephanie, what are you doing?

If you paid any attention to me as a child, you would know

that this is what I would do when you let me down.

Oh!

- No wonder you're so good at it. - OK, then.

Look at me, Dave! Look at me!

Look at me, Dave!

Look away, Dave. Look away.

Stephanie, let's talk about this.

- You can't make me. - Oh.

- (both): Dave! Dave! Dave! - We came up with a great new campaign!

Yeah, and a bridge that symbolizes our friendship!

Not now, boys, I have to deal with Stephanie.

Oh, man, he likes her best.

- Stephanie, please, come out. - Leave me alone!

Alright, fine, if that's the way you want it.

(Stephanie pouring a drink)

Are you drinking my Scotch?

Maybe...

You come out here this instant, young lady.

You're not the boss of me! Yeah, I realize the irony of that statement.

- Still not coming out? - No, no. I am finally realizing

what it's like to be the father of a teenage girl.

God, I'm glad I missed it the first time around.

Well, I was a teenage girl once. If you'd like, I can give it a shot.

- Yeah, but it's locked. - Hum... credit card?

Oh, sure.

Wow!

- Thank you. - Oh!

Damn, she's good.

(blowing a raspberry) I realize I'm probably

the last person you want to see right now.

Yeah, you're right.

But I don't mind wasting my dad's Scotch on you.

It's the good stuff.

It's better with orange soda.

If you really want to hurt him, tell him that.

I don't want to hurt him,

but seeing him appreciate you more in one day

than he's appreciated me in a lifetime is a little hard to swallow.

Oh, yuck! Oh, that's going bad.

OK, you really need to talk to him.

Why should I? He's just gonna miss the point.

Just like he's missing my award ceremony.

Just like he's missed everything in my life.

Did you know I had to take a cab to my first day of school

because he missed it? Dropping me off at camp?

Missed it. Picking me up from camp? Missed it.

Scotch, need it.

Gymnastics competition, missed it.

Piano recitals, missed it.

First time I get a fake ID and go into a bar?

There he is!

Steph, you have to believe me.

Things are not always as they seem.

Ah! Easy for you to say. He's crazy about you.

OK, get up.

- What? What are we doing? - You'll see.

Oh! How can I see with your hands over my eyes?

Just trust me. It's gonna be fine.

- Oh! - Oh! I'm really sorry.

- Oh! - Oh, oh, sorry.

- I'm sorry about that. - OK, you know,

- I really don't like surprises. - Oh!

(all): Surprise!

Oh, I love surprises! What is all this?

This is the party you've been trying to sabotage all day.

- Oh... - It was supposed to take place on a yacht,

- but stupid Abby canceled it. - I'm stupid!

- And these are for you. - Ohhh!

- You are the special client. - I am?

- (both): Mm-hmm. - I hated you guys so much.

- Stupid Stephanie. - Ho! Ho! You're not stupid.

You're my number 9.

Lords and ladies, the cake!

See, sweetheart, the minute you mentioned the ceremony,

- I knew I couldn't miss it. - So you're coming?

Of course I'm coming!

I'm very proud of you. Plus if I didn't go, I'd never hear the end of it.

I just wanted this to be a big surprise send-off,

you know, celebrate your accomplishment. But...

for the record, this is the last surprise I will ever attempt.

- Thanks, Dad. - Well, thank you

for not cancelling the band when you canceled the boat.

Hope you like 'em. Best Coast!

When you leave me

The bed is empty

And I feel crazy

'Cause I didn't say anything

I wish you would tell me

How you really feel

But you'll never tell me

'Cause that's not our deal

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Hey, Nels!

Before we get out of here...

what do you say to one last game of Nelskettball?

- Wait. What did you call it? - You heard me.

The name is yours.

- Nah, you keep it. - You're just saying that. Liar.

I know you are, but what am I?

- You're a goof. - You're a goof.

- Stop copying me! - Stop copying me!

- Nelson's an idiot. - Nelson's an idiot.

Hey, you're an idiot!

- I know you are, but what am I? - I'm an idiot!

- What am I 'upposed to do? hmm. - (she laughs)

- Did you just hire Holly? - Holly?

- Yes? - (off camera)

- Dave! - (all laugh)

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