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1
00:00:02,882 --> 00:00:04,917
Declan, watching a concert
2
00:00:04,918 --> 00:00:07,453
by a 20-year-old virgin
made me feel young.
3
00:00:07,454 --> 00:00:09,555
Cool, 'cause you're,
like, really old, right?
4
00:00:09,556 --> 00:00:13,426
Yeah, that's why that's
cool. Welcome aboard.
5
00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:16,462
Your Pushing Sexy Back
tour is gonna be huge!
6
00:00:16,463 --> 00:00:18,630
Cool. Always happy to
hang with my PR peeps.
7
00:00:18,631 --> 00:00:23,001
Oh, Mr. Savage, before you go, will
you do your "Knees Together" dance?
8
00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:25,704
Gordon! He is not a dancing monkey.
9
00:00:25,705 --> 00:00:28,006
No, no, no, I don't mind
giving it up for my fans.
10
00:00:28,007 --> 00:00:31,643
I thought the point was he
didn't give it up for anybody.
11
00:00:31,644 --> 00:00:34,745
No sex, no sex tonight. No sex
12
00:00:34,746 --> 00:00:36,747
If I wasn't married, and he was gay...
13
00:00:36,748 --> 00:00:38,816
- And he was older.
- Not a problem.
14
00:00:38,817 --> 00:00:40,785
- And if he wasn't a client.
- Wouldn't stop me.
15
00:00:40,786 --> 00:00:43,488
- It really should.
- Come on, everybody in the house!
16
00:00:43,489 --> 00:00:45,656
- Okay.
- One, two, three, four.
17
00:00:45,657 --> 00:00:47,592
No sex, no sex
18
00:00:47,593 --> 00:00:50,661
Definitely making me
not want to have sex.
19
00:00:50,662 --> 00:00:52,429
No sex tonight
20
00:00:54,165 --> 00:00:58,769
Beckett's just jealous because, unlike
him, Declan is a virgin at 20 by choice.
21
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:00,938
- Oh.
- I was a late bloomer.
22
00:01:00,939 --> 00:01:04,074
I was so pink and hairless,
my nickname was Rosebud.
23
00:01:04,075 --> 00:01:06,943
Oh, Declan forgot his contracts.
24
00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:09,579
- I'll run them over to him, sir.
- Oh, no, Bryce. I need you
25
00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:12,020
to go to the airport to pick up
that imported bottle of scotch.
26
00:01:12,021 --> 00:01:14,046
I thought that wasn't coming
in until tomorrow morning.
27
00:01:14,047 --> 00:01:16,153
Bryce, these aren't
things you leave to chance.
28
00:01:16,154 --> 00:01:20,024
I'll go. Maybe he'll
stand up and dance with me.
29
00:01:20,025 --> 00:01:22,458
I'll go. Maybe he'll
lie down and dance with me.
30
00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,460
- No, he won't.
- I'll go. I can probably
31
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:26,496
- still catch him in his limo.
- Thank you.
32
00:01:26,497 --> 00:01:28,364
Well, chief, you
remember your first time?
33
00:01:28,365 --> 00:01:32,268
Oh, God, Nelson, like
it was yesterday. But...
34
00:01:32,269 --> 00:01:35,472
who the hell did I have sex with yesterday?
35
00:01:35,473 --> 00:01:39,008
Fill the lens
36
00:01:39,009 --> 00:01:40,944
With all your friends
37
00:01:40,945 --> 00:01:47,483
Oh now is forever
38
00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:50,419
Come on fill the lens
39
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,696
With all your friends
40
00:01:52,797 --> 00:01:55,780
synced and corrected by awaqeded
---- www.addic7ed.com ----
41
00:01:58,795 --> 00:02:01,664
Morning, boys. Is it
me, or is the sun shining
42
00:02:01,665 --> 00:02:05,101
a little bit brighter?
43
00:02:05,102 --> 00:02:07,269
Those were my grandma's last words to me
44
00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:09,538
right before the motorcycle hit her.
45
00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:14,343
I believe our little Stephie is talking
46
00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:16,411
about the ab-tastic Declan Savage.
47
00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:18,247
Did he mention me at all? or...
48
00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:20,516
Oh, let's just say
your name didn't come up.
49
00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:23,051
- No way!
- Hate to break it to you,
50
00:02:23,052 --> 00:02:24,953
Nelson, but not all hot
guys are gay for you.
51
00:02:24,954 --> 00:02:26,455
I don't believe it.
52
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,823
It's true. Some men like women.
53
00:02:28,824 --> 00:02:31,527
Yeah, you would know.
From Declan's Twitter feed:
54
00:02:31,528 --> 00:02:33,895
"I can't believe I waited
20 years to do the sex.
55
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,897
See you in my dreams, Stephanie."
56
00:02:35,898 --> 00:02:39,400
Oh, my God! Why would he tweet that?
57
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:41,736
I don't know. Why would he tweet,
58
00:02:41,737 --> 00:02:43,571
"Glad there's no polio anymore.
59
00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:45,740
Now everyone can dance to my music"?
60
00:02:45,741 --> 00:02:49,510
Well, did he at least give you a ride home?
61
00:02:49,511 --> 00:02:52,213
- Yes.
- Back seat, or handlebars?
62
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,036
Okay, this isn't a disaster.
He didn't say my
63
00:02:54,037 --> 00:02:55,916
last name, so maybe my
dad doesn't know yet.
64
00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:58,152
No, scroll down. "Stephanie Lyons,"
65
00:02:58,153 --> 00:03:00,621
that's you... "at DLPR firm,"
66
00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:03,157
"sex with you makes my heart go boom."
67
00:03:03,158 --> 00:03:06,527
- It's not really the heart that goes boom.
- I can't believe this.
68
00:03:06,528 --> 00:03:09,530
Neither can I. You've
replaced your father as my hero!
69
00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,965
No, it was just this nice, sweet night
70
00:03:11,966 --> 00:03:15,368
where I deflowered the
world's most famous virgin.
71
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:18,238
Well, that's totes adorbs.
72
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:21,041
Added bonus for him: it
happened on a school night.
73
00:03:21,042 --> 00:03:24,477
Joke's on you... he's a dropout.
74
00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:27,847
- What are you gonna tell your dad?
- Nothing. I'm not ashamed.
75
00:03:27,848 --> 00:03:30,750
(Dave): Son of a bitch!
What has she done now?
76
00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,985
I'm gonna go hide in the broom closet.
77
00:03:38,192 --> 00:03:40,760
So, I'm guessing you heard
about Declan and Stephanie.
78
00:03:40,761 --> 00:03:43,429
Yes, because my client, Declan Savage,
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00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:46,265
tweeted that he had "the
sex" with my daughter.
80
00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:49,602
And then it was re-tweeted
thousands upon thousands of times
81
00:03:49,603 --> 00:03:53,005
that my client, Declan Savage,
had "the sex" with my daughter.
82
00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:54,543
So, we're all up to speed, then.
83
00:03:54,544 --> 00:03:56,675
We need to look out for the
interests of our client.
84
00:03:56,676 --> 00:03:59,212
I suggest we go into full-on
character-assassination mode.
85
00:03:59,213 --> 00:04:01,947
Exactly. Leak a sex
tape. You show the world
86
00:04:01,948 --> 00:04:04,416
she's a sexual predator
and humiliate the girl.
87
00:04:04,417 --> 00:04:06,681
Yes, make her the monster;
our client is the victim.
88
00:04:06,682 --> 00:04:07,620
We can't do that.
89
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:10,389
- What? It's just business.
- She's our colleague!
90
00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,858
And your daughter.
91
00:04:12,859 --> 00:04:15,594
Oh, my God. You're right.
92
00:04:15,595 --> 00:04:18,263
What the hell kind of man am I?
93
00:04:18,264 --> 00:04:20,365
I mean... but if she was anyone else,
94
00:04:20,366 --> 00:04:24,002
I mean, it would be my duty as the
head of this firm to destroy her, and...
95
00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:27,239
every instinct in me cries
out for me to do that.
96
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,607
Right, but... since we can't,
97
00:04:29,608 --> 00:04:31,609
I'm assuming you have a fallback plan?
98
00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,945
No, I don't. Scorched earth
is the only thing I know.
99
00:04:34,946 --> 00:04:37,948
Look, I'm gonna have to put you
guys in charge of this, all right?
100
00:04:37,949 --> 00:04:40,285
Now, you just serve the
interests of our client, and...
101
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:44,314
and make sure you protect Stephanie...
from me.
102
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:46,924
You got it, chief.
We will not let you down.
103
00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:50,827
Well, the fact that you're still
standing there means you already have.
104
00:04:57,335 --> 00:04:59,436
- Where have you been?
- I stepped outside
105
00:04:59,437 --> 00:05:01,638
to get some fresh air,
and a band of rabid tweens
106
00:05:01,639 --> 00:05:04,641
- started throwing eggs and garbage at me.
- Ugh.
107
00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:07,311
Luckily, they throw
like 12-year-old girls.
108
00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:09,313
So, what's my dad gonna do?
109
00:05:09,314 --> 00:05:13,183
Uh, well, he kind of opted out
and wants me and Nelson to take over.
110
00:05:13,184 --> 00:05:16,286
Oh, God, you two are in charge?
All right, where do we start?
111
00:05:16,287 --> 00:05:18,822
- Okay, do you have a sex tape?
- No!
112
00:05:18,823 --> 00:05:21,591
Well, not anymore.
113
00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:23,827
First thing we do, we
make another sex tape.
114
00:05:23,828 --> 00:05:27,163
- Nelson, don't be disgusting.
- It could be with you.
115
00:05:27,164 --> 00:05:29,699
Well, I mean, we
could do it artistically.
116
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,801
I'm not gonna make a sex tape.
117
00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:35,471
Yeah, no, she's... we're not gonna make
a... This is crazy. You're disgusting.
118
00:05:35,472 --> 00:05:38,574
- Ugh.
- See you. All right,
119
00:05:38,575 --> 00:05:41,109
I'm on top of you... it! I'm on top of it!
120
00:05:44,815 --> 00:05:46,816
Sorry I'm late, sir.
121
00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:49,184
It took longer than
expected to clear customs
122
00:05:49,185 --> 00:05:51,854
with your shipment
of 70-year-old scotch.
123
00:05:51,855 --> 00:05:56,158
Turns out, if you're being
inspected by drug-sniffing dogs,
124
00:05:56,159 --> 00:05:58,927
probably not a good day to wear hemp pants.
125
00:05:58,928 --> 00:06:01,696
- Drink with me, Bryce.
- Oh, my.
126
00:06:01,697 --> 00:06:05,433
Is this a symbol of our
everlasting professional union?
127
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,202
May I confide in you, Bryce?
128
00:06:07,203 --> 00:06:10,705
Oh, Dave. I have dreamed
of this day for years.
129
00:06:10,706 --> 00:06:14,709
Only, in the dream, I'm a little
taller and have a real-world girlfriend.
130
00:06:14,710 --> 00:06:17,479
Earlier today, I had to make a choice
131
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,683
between supporting a client
or protecting my daughter.
132
00:06:21,684 --> 00:06:24,185
And every instinct I have cried out,
133
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:27,555
- "Save the client; destroy the girl!"
- Good instincts, sir.
134
00:06:27,556 --> 00:06:29,891
Bryce, the girl is Stephanie.
135
00:06:29,892 --> 00:06:32,226
She should be my first priority.
136
00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:34,695
Why the hell isn't she?
137
00:06:34,696 --> 00:06:37,365
I mean, I really think I need to be
138
00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:40,034
a little less of a shark
and more of a, you know,
139
00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:43,537
dear old dad type, you know? A Bill Cosby,
140
00:06:43,538 --> 00:06:46,940
or a Bob Saget, you know?
141
00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:48,942
I mean, for God's sakes,
142
00:06:48,943 --> 00:06:51,412
Homer Simpson is a better father than I am.
143
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:54,548
OJ Simpson is a better father than I am.
144
00:06:54,549 --> 00:06:56,583
I think you would make
an excellent TV father,
145
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,686
- if that means anything, sir.
- Thanks, Bryce, but it really doesn't.
146
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,122
No, I think I need to focus
147
00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:05,858
on being more of a loving
and supportive father,
148
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,161
by taking an indefinite leave of absence.
149
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:14,167
Bryce, that was an $800 spit take.
150
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:18,203
- Gonna make it through.
- Uh, Declan?
151
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,807
Declan. Yo, kiss and tweet!
152
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,642
If it's not
153
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,911
too much trouble, would you
mind asking your colleagues
154
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,379
- to give us a little privacy?
- Huh?
155
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:31,083
Fellas, get up on out of here!
156
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,886
Stephie, how's my baby boo?
157
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,688
Your baby boo has been better.
158
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,291
We have a little bit of
a PR problem on our hands.
159
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,792
Yeah, yeah, I know, baby,
160
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,928
but I don't even know what I did wrong.
161
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,930
Everyone's been yelling at me all day.
162
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,732
I keep telling everyone to
chill, but no one's chillin'.
163
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:50,235
Yes, the reason no one's "chillin'"
164
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,638
is because you're on the
Pushin' Sexy Back tour.
165
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,842
You were a role model for
a commitment to a principle.
166
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,844
And it looks like you threw it away
167
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,411
for a one-night stand.
168
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:02,781
Well, I wouldn't say, "threw it away."
169
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:05,851
Declan, you need to make this right.
170
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,751
How?
171
00:08:07,752 --> 00:08:10,654
Where?
172
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:13,424
Why?
173
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:16,660
Which is also the name of my new single.
It drops next month. Check it out.
174
00:08:16,661 --> 00:08:18,762
Yeah, that's dope. Listen,
175
00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:22,500
what you need to do is make a public
statement at a press conference
176
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,035
and end this mess. It's
the right thing to do.
177
00:08:25,036 --> 00:08:27,304
Yeah, I hear you, bros.
178
00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:28,806
But, baby girl...
179
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:31,441
- Oh.
- ...I want you to know,
180
00:08:31,442 --> 00:08:33,210
you're the best I ever had.
181
00:08:33,211 --> 00:08:36,981
- Well...
- Isn't she the only you ever had?
182
00:08:36,982 --> 00:08:39,382
Okay.
183
00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:45,855
Oh, uh, sir, are you really
184
00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:48,392
- going on paternity leave?
- Yes.
185
00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:50,693
Well, I hate to be
selfish at a time like this,
186
00:08:50,694 --> 00:08:52,529
but do I still have a job?
187
00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:56,099
Oh, well, of course you do,
Bryce. You were in the contract
188
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,267
when I took over the building's lease.
189
00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:00,870
You're just now the executive assistant
190
00:09:00,871 --> 00:09:03,406
to the next-most-senior
employee of the firm.
191
00:09:03,407 --> 00:09:06,175
- Who's that?
- Here's the list of my
192
00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,945
allergies and my emergency contact number.
193
00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:12,381
Gordon, one says, "Mom," and
the other is just a paw print.
194
00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:17,185
If it's after 9, I'd
go with the paw print.
195
00:09:22,392 --> 00:09:24,427
Okay, Declan is gonna dump you
196
00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:27,496
like yesterday's garbage so
that his fans will forgive him
197
00:09:27,497 --> 00:09:30,065
for sleeping with you, but
you've gotta act surprised.
198
00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:33,569
I can act. I got raves as a healthy
carrot in my 2nd-grade play.
199
00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:36,237
They gotta think he's a
heartbreaker, so if you can
200
00:09:36,238 --> 00:09:38,239
beg and cry and stuff, it'd be great.
201
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,748
I know I can totally do that.
202
00:09:39,749 --> 00:09:41,342
- Are you all right?
- See?
203
00:09:41,343 --> 00:09:43,645
Oh, okay, yeah, that's good. Do that.
204
00:09:43,646 --> 00:09:45,981
- That's good.
- Woo! What up, y'all?
205
00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:47,982
- Woo!
- All right, Declan Savage,
206
00:09:47,983 --> 00:09:50,585
ladies and gentlemen. Man of the hour.
207
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:52,387
All right, thank you.
208
00:09:52,388 --> 00:09:54,722
- Remember what we talked about.
- Yeah.
209
00:09:54,723 --> 00:09:57,559
Whew. Thanks, y'all, for coming.
210
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:01,262
I'm here with a super
awesome lady, Stephanie Lyons.
211
00:10:01,263 --> 00:10:03,698
(laughing): Hi! This goes out to you,
212
00:10:03,699 --> 00:10:08,435
Cheryl Yaremko. Who's
the loser now? Ha! Ha!
213
00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:10,071
Okay, so, like,
214
00:10:10,072 --> 00:10:12,172
I'm sorry I let you all down and stuff,
215
00:10:12,173 --> 00:10:16,110
what with having sex during the Pushin'
Sexy Back tour; that one's on me.
216
00:10:16,111 --> 00:10:19,580
So, big apology to myself and to the Lord.
217
00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:22,249
Always good to shout-out the Lord.
218
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:24,518
And most importantly, to my fans.
219
00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:26,920
But to everyone who's
up in Stephanie's grill,
220
00:10:26,921 --> 00:10:28,989
you don't know how special she is.
221
00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:31,024
Yeah, I'm special.
222
00:10:31,025 --> 00:10:34,694
She's not just beautiful because
of her sick bod and smokin' face.
223
00:10:34,695 --> 00:10:37,831
You heard him. I'm sick and I'm smokin'.
224
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,102
But I can't just keep doing
the sex with this hottie.
225
00:10:42,103 --> 00:10:44,104
Y'all know what I gotta do.
226
00:10:44,105 --> 00:10:46,673
- Drop the hammer, Savage.
- And finish her.
227
00:10:46,674 --> 00:10:50,644
Stephanie Lyons, will you
forgive me for tweeting about us?
228
00:10:50,645 --> 00:10:53,846
- Yes.
- Stephanie Lyons,
229
00:10:53,847 --> 00:10:57,283
- will you marry me?
- Yeah!
230
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:59,785
Wait, what?
231
00:10:59,786 --> 00:11:01,887
- (reporters talking)
- Okay, party's over!
232
00:11:01,888 --> 00:11:04,223
(all talking)
233
00:11:07,857 --> 00:11:10,726
Yes?! You said yes?!
234
00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,394
What was I supposed to say?!
235
00:11:12,395 --> 00:11:15,831
No! You were supposed to say no!
236
00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:18,834
I got swept up in the moment!
237
00:11:18,835 --> 00:11:21,036
Now I'm gonna be Stephanie Savage.
238
00:11:21,037 --> 00:11:23,939
Only if you're twice as stupid
as he is and you actually marry him!
239
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:26,674
I don't want to marry
him! I want to be single!
240
00:11:26,675 --> 00:11:28,543
Well, maybe you should
have thought of that
241
00:11:28,544 --> 00:11:32,180
before committing to a lifetime
of exactly the opposite!
242
00:11:32,181 --> 00:11:35,183
Maybe my dad shouldn't
have put you two in charge.
243
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:38,786
Hey! Sweetie, look what I got us.
244
00:11:40,522 --> 00:11:43,390
- It's tandem bike.
- What the hell?
245
00:11:43,391 --> 00:11:45,292
Yeah, so that we can go biking.
246
00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:47,728
Tandemly!
247
00:11:47,729 --> 00:11:50,865
You know, just bonding and
biking, biking and bonding,
248
00:11:50,866 --> 00:11:53,200
'cause my job is to love and support you
249
00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:55,669
no matter what you've
done, 'cause you're Daddy's
250
00:11:55,670 --> 00:11:57,537
precious little flower,
251
00:11:57,538 --> 00:12:01,475
who could so easily be crushed.
252
00:12:01,476 --> 00:12:03,746
But don't you worry about
that, because Beckett
253
00:12:03,747 --> 00:12:05,846
and Nelson have things
well in hand, right?
254
00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:07,640
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah, obviously.
255
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,441
Okay, you don't need me here.
256
00:12:12,319 --> 00:12:14,153
What was that?
257
00:12:14,154 --> 00:12:15,856
Dad from the '50s?
258
00:12:15,857 --> 00:12:18,057
Ugh. I've always wanted a loving father.
259
00:12:18,058 --> 00:12:20,927
Eww! That was creepy!
260
00:12:25,132 --> 00:12:27,266
Ho, ho. Hey, hey, hey.
261
00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:28,868
Dad, is it okay to talk?
262
00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:32,038
Of course it's okay; I've
got my listening ears on.
263
00:12:32,039 --> 00:12:33,506
Why wouldn't it be?
264
00:12:33,507 --> 00:12:35,541
Because you say things
like "listening ears",
265
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:38,978
and you wear cardigans,
and... whose glasses are those?
266
00:12:38,979 --> 00:12:41,947
You know, I think I know what you need.
267
00:12:41,948 --> 00:12:44,283
A grilled-cheese sandwich
268
00:12:44,284 --> 00:12:46,952
and some tomato soup.
269
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:50,589
Come on, sit down, have a seat,
come on, stop your fussin'.
270
00:12:52,358 --> 00:12:54,493
Oh, doesn't that look good, huh?
271
00:12:54,494 --> 00:12:57,029
I bet you're feeling
pretty... pretty darned
272
00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:59,565
loved and supported right about now, huh?
273
00:12:59,566 --> 00:13:02,901
Dad, girls are throwing purity
rings at me over Declan Savage,
274
00:13:02,902 --> 00:13:05,803
and for 13-year-olds,
they have impeccable aim.
275
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:07,739
Oh, well, that's only
276
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:10,942
because your lust destroyed
everything he stood for.
277
00:13:10,943 --> 00:13:13,111
- What?
- Just have some soup.
278
00:13:13,112 --> 00:13:15,942
Okay, I just... I just
agreed to marry an idiot.
279
00:13:15,943 --> 00:13:16,981
You sure did.
280
00:13:16,982 --> 00:13:19,551
A sexually inexperienced idiot.
281
00:13:19,552 --> 00:13:23,154
- Uh-huh.
- God, all that energy, but no skill.
282
00:13:23,155 --> 00:13:25,557
You probably shouldn't be sharing that
283
00:13:25,558 --> 00:13:28,292
with your dear ol' dad.
284
00:13:28,293 --> 00:13:30,094
You're kind of, uh... you know,
285
00:13:30,095 --> 00:13:33,330
attacking a client, and
Daddy's love and support for you
286
00:13:33,331 --> 00:13:36,200
is really being pushed to the limit.
287
00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:38,169
Great. Big help, Dad. Thanks.
288
00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:42,540
Oh, don't thank me; thank
the ol' listenin' ears.
289
00:13:42,541 --> 00:13:46,210
You know I love you. And I support you.
290
00:13:46,211 --> 00:13:48,679
(breathing quickly)
291
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:51,815
And who the hell's
glasses are these, anyway?
292
00:13:51,816 --> 00:13:54,484
Weeee!
293
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:58,254
Did you have something
for me to do, sir?
294
00:13:58,255 --> 00:14:00,557
Sir? Is Dave back?
295
00:14:00,558 --> 00:14:02,826
No, you are sir.
296
00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:06,096
I haven't been called sir
since they sat me at Red Lobster.
297
00:14:06,097 --> 00:14:09,699
So, do you have
something for me to do, sir?
298
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:12,435
As a matter of fact, I do.
299
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:16,206
My cookie's too big to dunk in this coffee.
300
00:14:16,207 --> 00:14:17,940
No, don't break it!
301
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:21,077
No problem. Why don't
I get you a bigger cup?
302
00:14:21,078 --> 00:14:24,614
- You are a genius.
- Thank you, Gordon.
303
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,682
Oh... Aw!
304
00:14:26,683 --> 00:14:29,484
Can you get me some cookie glue?
305
00:14:31,888 --> 00:14:35,725
Okay, so, I tell him saying yes
was a mistake and I can't marry him.
306
00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:37,793
Good, keep it simple.
You think you can do that?
307
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,129
- I do.
- Ah! Don't say, "I do."
308
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:43,432
- Oh, right.
- Do say you can't marry him.
309
00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:46,468
Then go for the old standby:
"We can still be friends."
310
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,737
- I don't want to be friends.
- Do you want him as a client?
311
00:14:48,738 --> 00:14:52,207
- I do.
- Ah-ah-ah! Nope. Stop saying that.
312
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,578
Okay, here he comes.
313
00:14:56,579 --> 00:14:59,480
- Hi.
- Hey, babe. You look beautiful,
314
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:02,117
like one of those underwear
models, except with clothes on.
315
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,852
Okay.
316
00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:06,154
Declan, I know
317
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:09,490
that I took something very precious
from you. I remember my first time.
318
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,726
I thought I'd spend the
rest of my life with Chaz,
319
00:15:11,727 --> 00:15:14,795
but he got held back a grade, so...
320
00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:18,032
I think you're trying
to tell me something.
321
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:20,334
And I want you to know...
322
00:15:20,335 --> 00:15:23,137
I don't know what it is.
323
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:27,107
He is so stupid, I'm
finding him less attractive.
324
00:15:27,108 --> 00:15:31,078
Declan, even though what
we had was very special,
325
00:15:31,079 --> 00:15:34,281
- it wasn't meant to last.
- Oh, cool, cool,
326
00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:36,249
'cause I was worried
that I finished too quick,
327
00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:38,185
but I'm glad to know
that's normal for the sex.
328
00:15:38,186 --> 00:15:40,420
No, no. (She laughs.)
329
00:15:40,421 --> 00:15:42,422
That's not what I was talking about.
330
00:15:42,423 --> 00:15:45,458
And please, stop calling it "the sex".
331
00:15:45,459 --> 00:15:47,694
I meant you and I as a couple can't last.
332
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:51,130
- What are you trying to say?
- I'm trying to say I can't marry you.
333
00:15:51,131 --> 00:15:54,534
- Whoa.
- Declan, I'm sorry, I just...
334
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:58,205
Oh...
335
00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:00,440
Why is your face doing that?
336
00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:03,776
Oh, are you crying?
337
00:16:03,777 --> 00:16:06,979
This is just like after we
had the sex... sex! Damn it!
338
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:09,782
You're dumping me?!
339
00:16:09,783 --> 00:16:11,450
My life is over!
340
00:16:11,451 --> 00:16:14,320
How could I sing about
love if I don't have any?
341
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,856
How could I sing at all?
342
00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:19,625
- (camera clicking)
- Stop photographing my emotions!
343
00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:22,794
- Declan, wait!
- (bystanders all talking)
344
00:16:22,795 --> 00:16:26,465
We'll tell Dave we're close.
345
00:16:26,466 --> 00:16:28,133
Bryce! Bryce!
346
00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:30,969
Bryce! Bryce! Bryce! Bryce!
347
00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:34,840
Bryce! Bryce! Bryce! Bryce! Bryce!
348
00:16:34,841 --> 00:16:36,742
- Bryce! Bryce!
- Yes, sir.
349
00:16:36,743 --> 00:16:39,811
Look, I'm Dave! Ha! Ha!
350
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:41,713
The spitting image.
351
00:16:41,714 --> 00:16:43,715
Well, I've done everything you asked.
352
00:16:43,716 --> 00:16:45,217
I capped all your pens,
353
00:16:45,218 --> 00:16:47,485
then up-capped them to make
sure they still had ink in them,
354
00:16:47,486 --> 00:16:50,555
and then capped them
again. So, what's next?
355
00:16:50,556 --> 00:16:53,991
Oh, I don't know. There wasn't
anything as urgent as those pens.
356
00:16:53,992 --> 00:16:55,593
Really?
357
00:16:57,294 --> 00:16:58,095
Oh!
358
00:16:58,096 --> 00:17:00,097
Look at that. I dropped all the files.
359
00:17:00,098 --> 00:17:02,099
Are you gonna yell at
me now for my clumsiness?
360
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,735
No way. That was recycling.
361
00:17:03,736 --> 00:17:06,070
Great job!
362
00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:10,340
Okay, I do have something for
you, but it's really hard.
363
00:17:10,341 --> 00:17:12,509
Oh, anything, please.
Anything to escape the monotony
364
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:14,511
of being so carefree.
365
00:17:14,512 --> 00:17:18,115
I need you to find out what
floors the window washers are on...
366
00:17:18,116 --> 00:17:21,451
- Mm-hmm.
- ...and wave at them.
367
00:17:21,452 --> 00:17:24,554
But be careful not to startle
them... apparently.
368
00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:27,924
For pity's sake, Gordon.
I am used to performing
369
00:17:27,925 --> 00:17:31,361
multiple tasks on impossible deadlines
for an emotionally abusive boss.
370
00:17:31,362 --> 00:17:34,364
(whining): And I miss it so much!
371
00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:36,366
I have a solution, then.
372
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:39,469
I guess that's why they
put me in the big chair.
373
00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:42,105
You need to go and tell
Dave to come back to work
374
00:17:42,106 --> 00:17:43,606
because you need him.
375
00:17:43,607 --> 00:17:46,276
Really? Just tell him? Do I dare?
376
00:17:46,277 --> 00:17:48,812
You have no choice. You're fired.
377
00:17:48,813 --> 00:17:51,047
Well, in that case, I quit!
378
00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:53,482
It's fun to fire someone.
379
00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:55,318
"Gordon, you're fired!"
380
00:17:55,319 --> 00:17:57,520
"But I've worked here my whole life!"
381
00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:59,988
"I don't care! No pension for you!"
382
00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:02,157
"How will I feed my cat?"
383
00:18:02,158 --> 00:18:04,527
(Gordon fake crying)
384
00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:09,264
Hi, Dad.
385
00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:12,301
Hey there, sweetie.
386
00:18:12,302 --> 00:18:16,538
You know, my schedule's
pretty open these days.
387
00:18:16,539 --> 00:18:20,042
I was thinking maybe you
and me should get us an RV.
388
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:23,312
Do a little daughter-daddy
road trip. What do you say?
389
00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:28,150
Head on down to Disneyland
or Graceland or Legoland,
390
00:18:28,151 --> 00:18:32,220
or really any of the
"land" destinations will do.
391
00:18:32,221 --> 00:18:34,556
Dad, please, I am freaking out.
392
00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:37,058
In the past 24 hours,
I slept with a virgin,
393
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:38,526
got engaged, broke up,
394
00:18:38,527 --> 00:18:41,496
and now I have a tween
fatwa declared against me!
395
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:44,766
Well... there, there.
396
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:46,701
(sigh) And now Declan says
397
00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,736
that he'll never sing again,
and he keeps sending me
398
00:18:48,737 --> 00:18:52,206
pictures of himself sobbing... shirtless.
399
00:18:52,207 --> 00:18:56,744
Well, you know, don't you worry
your little head none about it.
400
00:18:56,745 --> 00:18:58,880
Papa's gonna make you feel better.
401
00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:01,349
Papa wouldn't have
to make me feel better
402
00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:03,885
if Beckett and Nelson did their job!
403
00:19:03,886 --> 00:19:06,219
I think I know what we need to do.
404
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:10,123
Let's take us a tandem bike
ride and do some bonding, huh?
405
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:12,993
- (She sighs.)
- What do you say?
406
00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:16,062
I don't need a dad; I need Dave Lyons.
407
00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:17,664
Really?
408
00:19:17,665 --> 00:19:19,199
Yes!
409
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,734
Thank God. Do you have a sex tape?
410
00:19:21,735 --> 00:19:23,884
- Dad!
- I know, I know! It's too much, too much.
411
00:19:23,885 --> 00:19:26,374
I gotta find a balance, but our
road trip is gonna have to wait.
412
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:27,723
I have to set up a
meeting with Savage
413
00:19:27,724 --> 00:19:30,010
immediately, all right?
I've got some PR to do.
414
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:33,213
Oh, sir, we need to talk.
I appreciate your concern
415
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,348
for your daughter's floozy behaviour.
416
00:19:35,349 --> 00:19:37,483
Hi, Stephanie.
417
00:19:37,484 --> 00:19:40,486
But the thing is, I need
you to come back to work.
418
00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:42,154
Will do, Bryce.
419
00:19:42,155 --> 00:19:46,592
Wow. I'm better at this
sort of thing than I thought.
420
00:19:46,593 --> 00:19:48,928
Nice work, Bryce.
421
00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:51,430
Aw, come on!
422
00:19:56,702 --> 00:19:58,870
I'd like to thank you
all for being here today.
423
00:19:58,871 --> 00:20:04,910
Yes, Declan Savage had sex
with one Stephanie Lyons
424
00:20:04,911 --> 00:20:07,079
and lived to tweet the tale.
425
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,014
But that was just because he wanted
426
00:20:09,015 --> 00:20:12,584
to announce to the world
that he is a changed man,
427
00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:15,386
for he had been living a lie!
428
00:20:15,387 --> 00:20:18,857
Declan having sexual
relations with my daughter
429
00:20:18,858 --> 00:20:22,026
was simply a desperate cry for help.
430
00:20:22,027 --> 00:20:24,529
Thank you... Dad.
431
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:26,030
So, please,
432
00:20:26,031 --> 00:20:29,167
say goodbye to Declan Savage,
433
00:20:29,168 --> 00:20:31,635
sweet, innocent young boy,
434
00:20:31,636 --> 00:20:33,137
and say hello
435
00:20:33,138 --> 00:20:37,541
to Declan Savage, sex-crazed rock star!
436
00:20:37,542 --> 00:20:39,710
A lover of the ladies,
437
00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:42,480
preferably between the ages of 19 and 28...
438
00:20:42,481 --> 00:20:44,915
no olds, please.
439
00:20:44,916 --> 00:20:46,851
- Woo!
- Woo! Aw!
440
00:20:46,852 --> 00:20:50,387
My PR peep Dave Lyons is
right! I do love intercourse.
441
00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:52,389
That's why, starting tomorrow,
442
00:20:52,390 --> 00:20:55,626
- I'm unleashing the Savage Beast tour.
- Are there any questions?
443
00:20:55,627 --> 00:20:58,796
Mr. Savage, how has this
experience changed you?
444
00:20:58,797 --> 00:21:01,931
I learned that losing your
virginity is a very private thing,
445
00:21:01,932 --> 00:21:03,933
so next time I lose it,
446
00:21:03,934 --> 00:21:06,836
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
447
00:21:06,837 --> 00:21:08,838
Not even the girl.
448
00:21:08,839 --> 00:21:11,808
The good news is, he's the
dumbest guy you'll ever date.
449
00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:14,844
I don't know, Beckett...
you still have a chance.
450
00:21:14,845 --> 00:21:17,213
This shiz-nizzle is on the market!
451
00:21:17,214 --> 00:21:20,884
Get it while it's fresh!
452
00:21:20,885 --> 00:21:22,585
Whoa.
453
00:21:28,692 --> 00:21:31,393
You know the biggest disappointment
of your one-day engagement?
454
00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:33,896
- What?
- We never got to do your couple nickname.
455
00:21:33,897 --> 00:21:36,365
- Oh, yeah.
- Stepha-dec.
456
00:21:36,366 --> 00:21:38,034
Dec-lanie.
457
00:21:38,035 --> 00:21:40,703
Stepha-dec-lani.
458
00:21:40,704 --> 00:21:43,205
Although that one sounds like an STD.
459
00:21:43,206 --> 00:21:45,941
You know what your
couple nickname would be?
460
00:21:45,942 --> 00:21:48,343
- Mm?
- Becka-hand.
461
00:21:51,214 --> 00:21:53,048
(bicycle bell)
462
00:21:53,049 --> 00:21:55,384
Weeee!
463
00:21:55,385 --> 00:21:57,386
Weeeeee!
464
00:21:57,387 --> 00:21:58,987
Whoa! Whoa!
465
00:21:58,988 --> 00:22:00,589
(crash)
466
00:22:00,590 --> 00:22:02,858
They make a cute couple.
467
00:22:04,057 --> 00:22:06,434
- Okay, dad.
- Let me get that for you. There.
468
00:22:07,004 --> 00:22:09,380
(audience laughing)
469
00:22:11,042 --> 00:22:13,804
- A little?
- I got it, I got it, I got it all.
470
00:22:13,805 --> 00:22:17,004
- There we go.
- (Stephanie laughs)
471
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,421
There we go.
472
00:22:19,483 --> 00:22:24,683
synced and corrected by awaqeded
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473
00:22:24,733 --> 00:22:29,283
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