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Previously on
"Splitting Up Together"...
2
00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:07,299
I need passion and
romance and sex in my life,
3
00:00:07,804 --> 00:00:09,378
and Martin just doesn't.
4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,679
I bet you never
would have dreamed
5
00:00:10,685 --> 00:00:13,052
you'd be eating street meat
and making out in a parking lot.
6
00:00:13,058 --> 00:00:15,269
Yeah, well, we're not
exactly making out.
7
00:00:16,534 --> 00:00:18,016
I wanna fix things with Lena.
8
00:00:18,022 --> 00:00:19,333
Dude, when did this happen?
9
00:00:19,339 --> 00:00:21,339
What if I had danced
with her at our wedding?
10
00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,909
Maybe it would have changed the
entire course of our marriage.
11
00:00:23,915 --> 00:00:25,835
I am so turned on right now.
12
00:00:28,114 --> 00:00:32,023
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
13
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?
14
00:00:35,038 --> 00:00:36,438
[CELLPHONE CHIMES AND VIBRATES]
15
00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:40,939
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
- _
16
00:00:40,945 --> 00:00:43,788
- [KEYS TAPPING]
- _
17
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,953
- ?
- _
18
00:00:47,859 --> 00:00:50,842
?
19
00:00:54,669 --> 00:00:55,869
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
20
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:59,678
Mae? I asked you to
put away your laundry.
21
00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:01,782
May I finish this chapter?
22
00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:05,887
And, Mason, it's your turn to
unload the dishwasher, remember?
23
00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:07,777
Just a sec.
24
00:01:07,783 --> 00:01:08,983
?
25
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,487
And, hey, what about you?
26
00:01:10,493 --> 00:01:12,703
Did you put the toys away
in your room like I asked?
27
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:15,790
What is...
28
00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:17,266
What are you doing?
29
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:20,151
What is... what is
going on? What are you...
30
00:01:20,283 --> 00:01:21,483
[GASPS]
31
00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:25,175
Are you running out
the clock right now?
32
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,923
Are you stalling me
33
00:01:26,929 --> 00:01:28,811
until Dad Week so you don't
have to do your chores?
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00:01:28,817 --> 00:01:30,828
If you could hear
how crazy you sound...
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00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,034
Mae?
36
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,327
- I plead the fifth.
- I plead the fifth, too,
37
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:36,333
because we're
doing what you said.
38
00:01:36,432 --> 00:01:38,133
You suck at the fifth.
39
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,530
Okay. I get it.
I get the appeal.
40
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,226
Guess what. I'm in.
41
00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:45,227
I'm leaving my chores
for Dad Week, too.
42
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:46,803
- She's bluffing.
- Is she?
43
00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:49,485
You don't know her. She's
a changed woman. She's loco.
44
00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:51,022
Okay, now you do sound crazy.
45
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,098
Why is your third-person
persona Hispanic?
46
00:01:53,104 --> 00:01:54,514
No lo s�, mamacita.
47
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:56,900
[LAUGHTER]
48
00:01:56,906 --> 00:01:59,956
What is going on in here?
49
00:02:00,057 --> 00:02:01,354
Unclear.
50
00:02:01,733 --> 00:02:03,049
Mom's trying to be fun.
51
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,448
Oh, Mom's pretty fun these days.
52
00:02:06,329 --> 00:02:08,941
I'd ask what that means,
but I'm too fun to care.
53
00:02:08,947 --> 00:02:12,127
And I'd pick up all this
clean laundry, but...
54
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,525
my week is over. Bye!
55
00:02:14,531 --> 00:02:15,731
Text me if you need me.
56
00:02:16,114 --> 00:02:17,314
Okay.
57
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:19,170
- Did you guys do your chores?
- Yep.
58
00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:22,197
- Yep.
- I plead the fifth because we didn't.
59
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,173
How am I doing it wrong?
60
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,582
?
61
00:02:26,588 --> 00:02:28,967
- [CHUCKLES]
- _
62
00:02:28,973 --> 00:02:30,770
- Oh, you want some? Want some?
- Don't do it.
63
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,514
- Oh, you want some?!
- I'm leaving.
64
00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:36,541
? Keep giving me hope
for a better day ?
65
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:39,915
? Keep giving me
love to find a way ?
66
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:44,339
? Through this heaviness
I feel, I just need ?
67
00:02:44,345 --> 00:02:49,579
- ? Someone to say everything's okay ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
68
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:51,476
? Everything's okay ?
69
00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:56,465
- What do you think?
- Depends. Can he see?
70
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:59,552
And what's wrong with
you? You seem relaxed.
71
00:02:59,558 --> 00:03:01,611
I'm just really
enjoying dating...
72
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:03,481
and really enjoying Wes.
73
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,102
You really enjoyed Wes?
74
00:03:05,426 --> 00:03:07,326
I really enjoyed him in a car.
75
00:03:07,332 --> 00:03:10,988
Oh, that must've been nice
after a two-year drought.
76
00:03:10,994 --> 00:03:13,023
Ohh. Really nice.
77
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,206
And it wasn't just the sex.
78
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:18,499
It was feeling wanted,
feeling desired.
79
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,184
It gave me life.
80
00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:22,706
- It gave you life? Wow.
- Yeah.
81
00:03:22,712 --> 00:03:24,200
The only problem is Martin.
82
00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,692
He just... He's been really
cranky with me lately.
83
00:03:26,698 --> 00:03:29,805
Well, he can probably tell
that you've been "given life."
84
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:31,016
Well, what does he care?
85
00:03:31,022 --> 00:03:34,510
He's in a full-blown relationship
with "Our Lady of Abs."
86
00:03:34,516 --> 00:03:37,610
Oh, hey! How's it going
with Operation Fetus?
87
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:38,902
I did some research,
88
00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:40,707
and if I want to
do it on my own,
89
00:03:40,713 --> 00:03:43,200
I have to open an
account at the sperm bank.
90
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,094
Will they link it
to a free checking?
91
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,314
[CHUCKLES] And then
92
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,616
I have to sign a
semen-purchaser agreement.
93
00:03:48,622 --> 00:03:51,248
- Come again?
- And pay for storage.
94
00:03:51,254 --> 00:03:52,631
I thought we store it in you?
95
00:03:52,637 --> 00:03:54,944
And then there's the
most important step...
96
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:56,460
choosing a donor.
97
00:03:56,531 --> 00:03:58,234
But, you know, the good news is,
98
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,831
unlike dating, there
really is no rejection.
99
00:04:01,837 --> 00:04:03,511
If you find a guy you like,
100
00:04:03,835 --> 00:04:05,921
you can pretty much
just have his baby.
101
00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:08,728
He's not gonna be telling you
he's joining the Peace Corps
102
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:11,432
and then you run into
him at Bed Bath & Beyond.
103
00:04:12,023 --> 00:04:13,259
[SIGHS]
104
00:04:14,107 --> 00:04:17,023
I want you to know, if you
decide to go through with this,
105
00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:19,629
I am with you every
step of the way...
106
00:04:19,721 --> 00:04:21,347
and in a pretty good outfit.
107
00:04:21,542 --> 00:04:23,543
A really good outfit.
108
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,663
[WHISPERING] Look
at those boobies.
109
00:04:27,026 --> 00:04:29,027
- What happened?
- The whole thing was a nightmare.
110
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:30,509
I didn't even get to dance...
111
00:04:30,515 --> 00:04:33,535
There is nothing sadder than a
talented dancer not getting to dance.
112
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:37,117
...because Lena was hooking
up with some guy in his car.
113
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:39,319
You know what? That is sadder.
114
00:04:39,325 --> 00:04:41,036
I mean, who has sex in a car?
115
00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:44,238
Camille. Me. Lena.
116
00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:45,812
I'm sorry. Was that rhetorical?
117
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,230
I'll get it.
118
00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:48,746
Get what, buddy?
119
00:04:49,534 --> 00:04:51,348
Oh. Hey.
120
00:04:53,004 --> 00:04:54,206
You okay, pal?
121
00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,112
Ohh.
122
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,103
This kid's got a fever.
123
00:04:58,109 --> 00:04:59,405
[GRUNTS]
124
00:05:00,181 --> 00:05:01,510
Sorry.
125
00:05:01,596 --> 00:05:03,946
This is the way the movie
"Outbreak" started. Mmm.
126
00:05:03,952 --> 00:05:05,321
Thanks for your concern.
127
00:05:05,329 --> 00:05:06,634
Is he gonna be okay?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
128
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,945
Of course. I have taken care
of many a sick child in my day.
129
00:05:09,951 --> 00:05:12,603
Let's get you upstairs
to bed and bundle you up.
130
00:05:12,609 --> 00:05:14,315
?
131
00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:16,360
Or dress you lightly?
132
00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:20,433
I'm gonna WebMD it. All right.
133
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:22,940
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
134
00:05:25,213 --> 00:05:26,413
Hey.
135
00:05:28,814 --> 00:05:30,027
Don't mind me.
136
00:05:30,033 --> 00:05:31,707
Just keep putting
your party paint on
137
00:05:31,713 --> 00:05:33,001
while I parent our children...
138
00:05:33,007 --> 00:05:35,010
and you put on the
other half of that dress.
139
00:05:36,114 --> 00:05:37,603
Are you looking for something?
140
00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:40,232
- Board game. Ever heard of 'em?
- Board game?
141
00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:42,008
They're a wholesome
form of entertainment.
142
00:05:42,416 --> 00:05:44,336
Are you having
family game night?
143
00:05:44,813 --> 00:05:46,310
As a matter of fact, we are.
144
00:05:46,316 --> 00:05:47,697
You mind if I join you?
145
00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:50,193
Suit yourself. I think
we're gonna play Monopoly.
146
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:51,520
I'll be the car.
147
00:05:51,526 --> 00:05:53,785
[RUSTLING AND CLATTERING]
148
00:05:53,791 --> 00:05:55,409
[RING TONE PLAYS]
149
00:05:56,004 --> 00:05:57,204
Hey.
150
00:05:58,866 --> 00:06:01,282
Yeah, that sounds great,
whatever you want. I'm chill.
151
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:02,884
Chill? Chill?
152
00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,281
- Yeah, I'll see you in five.
- Chill?! She's chill?!
153
00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:06,861
- She's the opposite of chill!
- I am increasingly chill!
154
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,494
She yelled in a
very un-chill way!
155
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,238
Okay, stop it. There
is no narrating.
156
00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:12,444
Okay, back up. Fight's over.
157
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:13,734
- Hey! You need to go.
- Ugh.
158
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,154
We're almost out of time here.
159
00:06:16,045 --> 00:06:17,760
- [HISSES]
- [HISSES]
160
00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:24,450
?
161
00:06:24,456 --> 00:06:26,465
- This is a really nice place.
- Mm-hmm.
162
00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:28,168
This is the kind of
place you take a girl
163
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:29,835
before she has sex with you.
164
00:06:29,841 --> 00:06:32,427
No. This is the kind of
place you take the girl
165
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,828
that you really want
to keep having sex with.
166
00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:38,474
Welcome! My name is Grace, and
I'll be your server tonight.
167
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,865
- Hi, Grace.
- Hi.
168
00:06:39,871 --> 00:06:43,773
Allow me to offer you our house
infused blackberry-sage water.
169
00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:45,248
Permission granted.
170
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,942
- Infused.
- I know.
171
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,071
Wow. That is the best
thing I've ever tasted.
172
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,488
- You seem different.
- I do? How?
173
00:06:55,494 --> 00:06:57,591
Yeah. I-I don't know.
You seem lighter.
174
00:06:57,597 --> 00:06:59,201
At this time, we'd
like to remind you that
175
00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:01,296
this is a screen-free restaurant.
176
00:07:01,302 --> 00:07:03,086
We invite you to
stow your devices
177
00:07:03,092 --> 00:07:06,560
so you may better enjoy your
meal and each other's company.
178
00:07:06,566 --> 00:07:09,019
- Oh. Okay.
- Mmm.
179
00:07:09,574 --> 00:07:11,276
I'll just stow mine in my purse.
180
00:07:11,282 --> 00:07:13,561
Oh, but look how
sad his phone looks
181
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,574
- all alone in there.
- Hm?
182
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:18,487
I don't really
think it looks sad.
183
00:07:18,919 --> 00:07:24,989
?
184
00:07:25,494 --> 00:07:26,694
Bloop!
185
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:27,900
[CHUCKLES WRYLY]
186
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:29,826
"Bloop," huh?
187
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:32,739
I have to admit,
when we first met,
188
00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:35,013
- I didn't take you for a blooper.
- No?
189
00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:38,051
No. You seemed like
a woman with... stuff.
190
00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:41,649
Now look... you're giving up your
phone, you're making fun noises.
191
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,157
I feel like I'm a
good influence on you.
192
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,363
I think you are.
193
00:07:45,952 --> 00:07:47,588
But the stuff's still there.
194
00:07:47,743 --> 00:07:49,548
- Mm.
- For example, my ex,
195
00:07:49,554 --> 00:07:51,540
who I still live
with, is mad at me,
196
00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,204
and I think I know why.
197
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:55,996
And I think it has
something to do with you.
198
00:07:56,002 --> 00:07:57,611
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
199
00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:59,192
Even though he's dating someone
200
00:07:59,198 --> 00:08:00,599
with an incredibly flat stomach,
201
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,065
I'm not supposed to
date, because I'm the mom.
202
00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:05,874
And I'm trying not to buy into
that double standard, but it's weird
203
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,474
- because he's home with the kids
- Mmm.
204
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,779
doing a game night,
and that just...
205
00:08:08,785 --> 00:08:10,874
it makes me feel guilty
and absent and conflicted,
206
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,757
and we had a big
fight before I left,
207
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:14,076
where I may or may
not have hissed at him,
208
00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:16,503
and I kind of want to check in and
smooth things over, but I can't,
209
00:08:16,509 --> 00:08:19,331
because Grace took my phone,
and I hate her, but I like you,
210
00:08:19,337 --> 00:08:22,326
and I'm somewhat interested in the
veal, which I'm morally opposed to.
211
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,814
Bloop.
212
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:29,219
[LAUGHING] No! No way.
213
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:32,012
You can't just...
bloop after that.
214
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:35,315
Why not? The lightness
and the darkness coexist.
215
00:08:35,321 --> 00:08:37,224
I have many sides to me, Wes.
216
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,429
Can you handle many sides?
217
00:08:39,524 --> 00:08:41,640
I can handle every side.
218
00:08:44,798 --> 00:08:47,507
MARTIN: Okay, say,
"Ahh!" Like this...
219
00:08:47,513 --> 00:08:49,888
"Ahh!" Uh... [SIGHS]
220
00:08:49,894 --> 00:08:51,888
Look, you're gonna have to stick
it right under your tongue, right,
221
00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:53,479
and then purse your
lips like this, like...
222
00:08:53,485 --> 00:08:56,502
- like-like you're sipping a straw.
- That's not how Mom does it.
223
00:08:56,508 --> 00:08:59,004
Well, I don't care how Mom
does it. This is how I do it.
224
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:02,184
But just tell me how Mom does it
225
00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:03,998
so I can show you
how much I don't care.
226
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:06,803
First, she puts her
lips on my forehead.
227
00:09:06,809 --> 00:09:09,163
Then, she takes
an armpit reading,
228
00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:12,366
and if it's over 100.9,
she slips me a $20.
229
00:09:12,372 --> 00:09:15,663
- What?
- Grape medicine and a $20 bill.
230
00:09:15,669 --> 00:09:17,616
- Yes, she does.
- No, she does not.
231
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:19,613
- Yes, she does. Yes, she does, too,
- No, she doesn't.
232
00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:21,020
when you're not looking.
233
00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:24,098
So, if he's sick, does
that mean no game night?
234
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:25,304
No game night.
235
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:27,740
But maybe you could find some
other form of entertainment,
236
00:09:27,746 --> 00:09:30,139
like having sex on our
street outside the house?
237
00:09:30,145 --> 00:09:32,773
[CHUCKLING] Sounds
better than Monopoly.
238
00:09:33,526 --> 00:09:35,948
- Oh. You're talking about...
- Your sister?
239
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,533
The mother of my children?
Cleaner of countertops?
240
00:09:38,539 --> 00:09:40,918
- I saw her, okay?
- [THERMOMETER BEEPING]
241
00:09:40,924 --> 00:09:45,526
102.7. That's gotta be
worth at least 40 bucks.
242
00:09:46,025 --> 00:09:48,753
- I don't have any cash.
- Yeah, what's new?
243
00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:52,338
Hey. Since you're missing
out on family game tonight...
244
00:09:52,344 --> 00:09:54,332
- Mm-hmm.
- ...maybe we could play a game.
245
00:09:54,338 --> 00:09:55,932
Okay. What'd you have in mind?
246
00:09:55,938 --> 00:10:00,619
How about who can make the
other person blush first?
247
00:10:00,823 --> 00:10:02,089
Oh.
248
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:04,017
Okay. I'm in.
249
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,892
Whoa! I'm out. You win. [LAUGHS]
250
00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:11,098
Thank you.
251
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:15,343
[SIGHS] I hate to say it
'cause she is an awful person,
252
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,319
but, you know, Grace was right.
253
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,818
Who needs phones?
254
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:20,944
?
255
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:24,748
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- _
256
00:10:26,483 --> 00:10:28,556
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- _
257
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,367
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- _
258
00:10:32,188 --> 00:10:35,468
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- _
259
00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:40,185
- [LAUGHS]
- [MELLOW BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYING]
260
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:44,105
Oh, hey, Grace! Uh, I'm just
on my way to the ladies'.
261
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,618
Would it be cool if I took a
glance at my phone real quick?
262
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,429
Ohh. Your entr�es
will be out shortly.
263
00:10:49,435 --> 00:10:52,109
Fantastic. Could I just
see my phone, please?
264
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:55,282
Well, customarily, we
hand people their phones
265
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,015
as they exit the restaurant,
266
00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:59,523
and, customarily,
they thank us for it.
267
00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:02,617
Okay, well, customarily, I
don't go dark on my three kids
268
00:11:02,623 --> 00:11:04,402
because some hipster
restaurant thinks that
269
00:11:04,408 --> 00:11:06,911
charred leeks are more
important than they are.
270
00:11:08,496 --> 00:11:11,203
- [BELL DINGS]
- Oh! The entrees are coming out.
271
00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:12,793
I hand-sauce them at the table,
272
00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:14,999
- so you might want to hurry back.
- Okay.
273
00:11:18,439 --> 00:11:25,874
?
274
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,016
?
275
00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:33,715
- [EXHALES]
- _
276
00:11:33,721 --> 00:11:35,569
- [HUSHED] Oh!
- _
277
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:39,865
Chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug! Let me see?
278
00:11:40,145 --> 00:11:41,579
Yes! Nice.
279
00:11:41,585 --> 00:11:43,076
What's my prize?
280
00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:46,677
Well, for finishing your
drink, you get... two pills.
281
00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:49,357
Aww! I miss college.
282
00:11:49,456 --> 00:11:50,948
I don't know that
I'd ever be as good
283
00:11:50,954 --> 00:11:52,775
at this parenting
stuff as you are.
284
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:55,093
- I'm thinking of trying.
- Yeah?
285
00:11:55,363 --> 00:11:57,667
On my own. You probably
think that's dumb.
286
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,665
Dumb? Of course not.
287
00:11:59,671 --> 00:12:01,255
It's just a little
intimidating, you know,
288
00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:03,667
the amount of sheer vigilance
that you and Lena have.
289
00:12:03,673 --> 00:12:05,480
I just don't know
that I could do it.
290
00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:08,813
So you'll do it in
your own Maya way.
291
00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,507
I actually you're
gonna be a great parent.
292
00:12:11,705 --> 00:12:13,213
- Well, thanks.
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
293
00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:14,994
That means a lot,
coming from you.
294
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,200
You being sarcastic?
295
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,785
Usually. Not right now.
296
00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:20,331
- Well, it sounded sarcastic.
- It's hard to shake.
297
00:12:20,337 --> 00:12:21,537
?
298
00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,236
- Soup?
- I didn't order soup.
299
00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:25,160
- Someone did.
- Thank you...
300
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:28,072
- [CHUCKLING] for the soup. Yeah.
- Yeah.
301
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:32,602
I have a feeling, uh-ah,
that it's my fault.
302
00:12:32,608 --> 00:12:34,462
I texted her an update.
303
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,582
Oh, you see? You see? This
is... this is classic Lena,
304
00:12:38,588 --> 00:12:40,082
exactly how you
shouldn't parent.
305
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:42,181
She is trying to
control this situation
306
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:44,261
- even though she is not here.
- This is just soup.
307
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:46,277
It is not just soup.
308
00:12:46,283 --> 00:12:49,979
It is doubt and
distrust... with noodles!
309
00:12:50,397 --> 00:12:52,700
She wants to out-parent
me while she's out there
310
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,968
fooling around with
some guy in his car.
311
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,584
My God. Why are you so stuck
on this guy and his car?
312
00:12:58,590 --> 00:13:01,608
Because I was trying to
be the guy in the car.
313
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,652
Oh, yeah? [CHUCKLES] What
about your girlfriend?
314
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,012
- What?
- Oh, yeah,
315
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,223
the PYT that has been
spotted on multiple occasions,
316
00:13:09,229 --> 00:13:12,135
- coming in and out of the garage?
- Charlotte?
317
00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:14,446
- She's my dance teacher.
- [LAUGHS]
318
00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:15,928
That's hilarious.
319
00:13:15,934 --> 00:13:17,437
'Cause I was at your wedding.
320
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:19,446
- You don't dance.
- Well, I do now.
321
00:13:19,452 --> 00:13:22,247
I was trying to surprise
Lena for our anniversary.
322
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,534
But I'm the one
who got surprised.
323
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:29,870
Milo.
324
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,076
Soup.
325
00:13:31,082 --> 00:13:32,299
[SIGHS]
326
00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:34,850
Daddy and I need a drink.
327
00:13:36,661 --> 00:13:38,194
I'm a terrible mother.
328
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:41,295
My son is home sick,
burning up with a fever,
329
00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:43,576
and I'm living it up on
infused blackberry water.
330
00:13:43,582 --> 00:13:45,199
I can feel Martin
judging me right now.
331
00:13:45,205 --> 00:13:47,099
Why? You didn't know he
was sick when you left.
332
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:49,113
Well, that's the other
thing. How did I not know?
333
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,857
I can usually spot a fever
on that kid a mile away.
334
00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:54,151
Feel like my mom
instincts are dwindling.
335
00:13:54,157 --> 00:13:55,748
Hey, they're not dwindling.
336
00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:56,954
[SIGHS]
337
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:59,271
Who tore through every
item in this closet
338
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:01,670
to check her phone even
after she was asked not to?
339
00:14:01,676 --> 00:14:03,117
Repeatedly asked not to.
340
00:14:03,123 --> 00:14:06,377
And then who used that
phone, during Blitz Pricing,
341
00:14:06,383 --> 00:14:09,392
to Post Mates poor sick little
Milo some overpriced soup?
342
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:12,385
- I did.
- And in an effort to get you home faster,
343
00:14:12,391 --> 00:14:14,074
who asked Grace to
wrap up our dinners
344
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,435
even though she warned us
they'd lose their complexity?
345
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:19,292
- You did.
- That's right.
346
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,307
Bye!
347
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,625
[SIGHS] Yeah, and there
I was in my wedding tux,
348
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,729
holding this big, stupid
bouquet of flowers,
349
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:29,000
and I waltz up the
driveway to find Lena
350
00:14:29,006 --> 00:14:31,240
and this guy in his car.
351
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:34,467
That's more heartbreaking
than "Manchester by the Sea."
352
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,538
Well, what are you
gonna do? We're divorced.
353
00:14:37,171 --> 00:14:40,772
But I still don't understand what
happened between the two of you.
354
00:14:40,778 --> 00:14:42,176
[SIGHS]
355
00:14:42,876 --> 00:14:44,089
Well, what'd she say?
356
00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:46,367
Well, you know, Lena's
a pretty private person,
357
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:47,995
and she doesn't tell me much.
358
00:14:48,081 --> 00:14:49,473
No sex for two years.
359
00:14:49,479 --> 00:14:50,712
Wow.
360
00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,714
- Okay. [SCOFFS]
- But true?
361
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,925
Well, I feel like there was more
at play than that, but, yeah...
362
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,340
probably.
363
00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,999
Look, I don't know, all right?
I don't know what happened.
364
00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:01,893
I guess, somewhere along
the way, with our different
365
00:15:01,899 --> 00:15:04,432
sleep schedules and
parenting ideals and...
366
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:06,722
and constant bickering,
you know, I just...
367
00:15:07,813 --> 00:15:09,509
lost it for Lena.
368
00:15:09,515 --> 00:15:12,649
- You lost it?
- Yeah, interest, passion.
369
00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:14,631
My God, we're not even
talking about me now,
370
00:15:14,637 --> 00:15:15,969
and it's still hard to hear.
371
00:15:15,975 --> 00:15:17,975
Well, it's hard
to feel, you know?
372
00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:20,248
And then I see some
guy in a... in a car
373
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:23,639
grabbing her ass, I-I-I
can't help but think,
374
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,813
"That should be me in there."
375
00:15:26,987 --> 00:15:29,003
I mean, not in there with them,
376
00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:31,408
obviously. You know,
that would be weird. I...
377
00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:34,463
I-I just... I should've
forced myself to...
378
00:15:34,469 --> 00:15:38,359
No, Martin, no. You don't force
yourself to grab someone's ass.
379
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:42,069
You do it 'cause you can't not,
'cause you're that into them.
380
00:15:42,654 --> 00:15:44,564
I mean, can you imagine ever
381
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:47,198
having those feelings
for Lena again?
382
00:15:48,378 --> 00:15:50,909
?
383
00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:53,492
Grace would kill herself
if she knew we were gonna
384
00:15:53,498 --> 00:15:56,640
eat this with plastic
utensils in my garage.
385
00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:58,519
- But we're not.
- Uh, yeah, we are
386
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,515
'cause the good silver's
inside with Martin.
387
00:16:00,521 --> 00:16:02,407
Which is where I
think you want to be.
388
00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:03,929
What? No.
389
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:05,824
No. I mean...
390
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,318
Now that we're here, I wouldn't
mind doing a quick check-in.
391
00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,172
But after that, I'm all yours.
392
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,303
You're definitely not all mine.
393
00:16:14,101 --> 00:16:15,428
Not tonight.
394
00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:18,108
- I'm sorry.
- No.
395
00:16:18,396 --> 00:16:20,310
I'll call you. Can I call you?
396
00:16:20,795 --> 00:16:22,391
Um... yeah.
397
00:16:22,397 --> 00:16:23,708
[CHUCKLES]
398
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,818
- Hey.
- Hey.
399
00:16:28,193 --> 00:16:29,414
Were you inside?
400
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,208
How's Milo? Should
I go check on him?
401
00:16:31,214 --> 00:16:33,006
Uh, no, Martin's got it covered.
402
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:35,701
- But I kind of want to see him.
- Yeah, but it's not your night,
403
00:16:35,707 --> 00:16:37,412
and Martin probably
doesn't want to see you
404
00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:39,396
fresh off the heels
of your date with Wes.
405
00:16:39,402 --> 00:16:41,736
What? What's that
supposed to mean?
406
00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:43,604
Has Martin brainwashed you?
407
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,479
He had his girlfriend here,
408
00:16:45,485 --> 00:16:47,318
but I'm sullied because
I went on a date.
409
00:16:47,324 --> 00:16:50,107
Okay, no one's saying
sullied, it's 2018,
410
00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:52,149
and he doesn't
have a girlfriend.
411
00:16:52,258 --> 00:16:54,258
- What?
- Yeah. No girlfriend.
412
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,734
That was his dance
teacher that he hired
413
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,455
to surprise you on
your anniversary.
414
00:16:59,461 --> 00:17:01,056
Oh, my God.
415
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:05,538
Oh, my God.
416
00:17:05,544 --> 00:17:07,158
And that's the night I was...
417
00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:08,753
- Sullied.
- Sullied.
418
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:15,750
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
419
00:17:19,046 --> 00:17:20,278
Let me guess.
420
00:17:20,347 --> 00:17:22,897
You're here to
demand access to Milo.
421
00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:26,495
No. I'm here to
demand access to you.
422
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:30,474
Oh. Well, come in.
423
00:17:34,323 --> 00:17:35,657
[DOOR CLOSES]
424
00:17:37,331 --> 00:17:39,317
I didn't know you'd been
taking dance lessons...
425
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,715
- Oh, boy.
- ...or that you saw me the other night with Wes.
426
00:17:41,721 --> 00:17:45,036
Wow, so Maya is
basically an informant.
427
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:49,185
- [SIGHS] No. No, I just. I-I feel...
- She's a double agent. Stop.
428
00:17:49,191 --> 00:17:51,801
Just stop, okay? We
don't have to do this.
429
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:55,480
- Everything is fine. It is. I swear.
- No, it's not fine.
430
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,831
Look, honestly, I-I
think this played out
431
00:17:57,837 --> 00:18:00,522
- exactly the way it was supposed to.
- What does that mean?
432
00:18:00,528 --> 00:18:02,834
It means that I don't
know what I was thinking.
433
00:18:03,018 --> 00:18:05,748
What, that I could make one
stupid gesture, and then,
434
00:18:05,754 --> 00:18:08,005
you know, all of a sudden,
everything's gonna be okay?
435
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:10,398
- It wasn't a stupid gesture.
- And seeing you...
436
00:18:10,727 --> 00:18:13,915
with that guy,
it-it hurt, yeah.
437
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:15,502
Hurt in what way?
438
00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:19,506
In the way that it hurts seeing
another man with your woman.
439
00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:20,995
"Your woman"?
440
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,411
- So it hurt your ego?
- Oh, my God, Lena, are you...
441
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,713
- are you serious right now?
- Are you, Martin?
442
00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:29,447
Come on. Did it hurt your
heart, or did it hurt your pride?
443
00:18:29,453 --> 00:18:33,129
Lena, I'm done, all right? I am
done! I am done with the scrutiny.
444
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:34,824
And whatever way it
hurt, I'm sure it wasn't
445
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:36,966
the right kind of
hurt for you, okay?
446
00:18:37,439 --> 00:18:39,445
And we-we-we... we push
each other's buttons,
447
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,170
and we get under
each other's skin.
448
00:18:41,349 --> 00:18:42,923
Look, you deserve
the kind of passion
449
00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:44,459
that you felt that
night in the car.
450
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:47,444
You deserve someone who
feels that way about you.
451
00:18:48,732 --> 00:18:50,563
And that someone isn't you?
452
00:18:53,538 --> 00:18:54,738
[MARTIN SIGHS]
453
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,984
I think I would like
to see Milo after all.
454
00:19:04,779 --> 00:19:12,719
?
455
00:19:13,104 --> 00:19:15,320
? This is not ?
456
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:20,716
- ? What we wanted... ?
- He looks good.
457
00:19:20,722 --> 00:19:22,478
You must've pushed fluids.
458
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:23,684
I did.
459
00:19:24,215 --> 00:19:26,499
Well, he's not feverish.
460
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:29,278
Did you alternate
Tylenol and Motrin?
461
00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:31,204
I did.
462
00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:34,401
Well, you must've kept
a great dosing chart.
463
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,230
Nope. Didn't need it.
464
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:39,025
- Don't even know what that is.
- You know what that is.
465
00:19:39,298 --> 00:19:41,097
Dosing charts are for babies.
466
00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:44,170
Yes, babies and children that
you're trying not to kill.
467
00:19:44,176 --> 00:19:45,448
[CHUCKLES]
468
00:19:45,657 --> 00:19:49,361
Well... to your credit, he
does not appear to be dead.
469
00:19:51,526 --> 00:19:54,044
- Did he trick you into giving him money?
- No.
470
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:58,658
[POPS LIPS] Hmm.
471
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,527
Must've lost a tooth.
472
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:06,189
?
473
00:20:06,283 --> 00:20:09,783
?
474
00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:11,285
How'd it go?
475
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,683
We are still divorced.
476
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:15,221
Way to keep at it.
477
00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:16,460
What are you doing?
478
00:20:16,628 --> 00:20:18,741
Me? I'm doing a little shopping
479
00:20:18,815 --> 00:20:21,831
for sperm and purses.
I have two tabs open.
480
00:20:21,837 --> 00:20:23,037
So we're doing it?
481
00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:24,323
- We're doing it.
- [GASPS]
482
00:20:24,329 --> 00:20:25,871
Do you think the baby
is gonna be pissed
483
00:20:25,877 --> 00:20:27,197
that it doesn't have a dad?
484
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,774
- I'll be the dad.
- Yeah?
485
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,104
Hell yeah.
486
00:20:31,393 --> 00:20:32,892
[VOICE BREAKING] Okay, cool.
487
00:20:32,993 --> 00:20:34,894
And speaking of cool,
488
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,761
um, can we take a picture of me
signing my semen-purchaser agreement?
489
00:20:39,259 --> 00:20:42,539
Duh. We're gonna need
it for the baby book.
490
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:43,761
Oh, yeah.
491
00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:44,979
[LAUGHS]
492
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,367
- Okay.
- Here we go.
493
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:49,883
- Ready?
- [GASPS] Yes.
494
00:20:50,390 --> 00:20:52,870
- [INHALES DEEPLY]
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
495
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,782
Did you get the semen in there?
496
00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:56,101
Oh, it's in there.
497
00:20:56,107 --> 00:21:00,468
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
498
00:21:00,518 --> 00:21:05,068
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36867
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