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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,900 Previously on "Splitting Up Together"... 2 00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:05,204 We're pulling the plug. The on-duty parent will live in the main house. 3 00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,284 The off-duty parent will be living in the garage. 4 00:00:07,290 --> 00:00:09,195 You want to blame everything on Lena when, in fact, 5 00:00:09,201 --> 00:00:10,892 you didn't dance with your wife at your wedding. 6 00:00:10,898 --> 00:00:12,531 I didn't dance with her at our wedding. 7 00:00:12,537 --> 00:00:14,281 - That's what you think our problem was? - Kind of. 8 00:00:14,287 --> 00:00:15,797 Now, remember. The most important rule 9 00:00:15,803 --> 00:00:17,983 about dancing has nothing to do with dancing. 10 00:00:17,989 --> 00:00:20,977 If you don't keep me in your gaze, I might get lost. 11 00:00:20,983 --> 00:00:23,667 You just explained why my marriage failed. 12 00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,781 LENA: I want to be with someone who's into me. 13 00:00:25,787 --> 00:00:27,043 I'm someone's mother. 14 00:00:27,049 --> 00:00:29,892 Motherhood and sexuality can't coexist? 15 00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:34,058 Crazy part is, I've seen you wipe things. 16 00:00:34,064 --> 00:00:37,083 I've witnessed it happening. Didn't take. 17 00:00:37,425 --> 00:00:40,659 - There's always this filmy residue. - MARTIN: O-kay. 18 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:43,143 That's me. I'm the residue guy. 19 00:00:43,149 --> 00:00:44,354 And you always will be 20 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,448 till you learn how to wipe harder, like you mean it. 21 00:00:46,454 --> 00:00:47,658 I mean it! 22 00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:50,561 - I mean, I meant it when I wiped it. - No, you didn't. 23 00:00:51,036 --> 00:00:53,057 Watch. Learn. 24 00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:55,504 - Ooh. - Oh. wow. 25 00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:58,408 - Did you see that follow-through? - Ooh! [LAUGHS] 26 00:00:58,414 --> 00:01:00,495 Man, I don't think I've ever wiped anything 27 00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:02,000 with that much commitment. 28 00:01:03,486 --> 00:01:07,330 But I promise that I will wipe harder next time. 29 00:01:07,336 --> 00:01:08,536 That's all I ask. 30 00:01:09,446 --> 00:01:12,213 [VACUUM CLEANER RUNS] 31 00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:13,518 So, it's kind of fun 32 00:01:13,524 --> 00:01:16,229 that we're both single at the same time, right? 33 00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:17,435 Yeah. 34 00:01:18,129 --> 00:01:20,936 Maybe we could do some fun... 35 00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:24,036 - single sister things together. - _ 36 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,746 - [VACUUM SHUTS OFF] - _ 37 00:01:25,847 --> 00:01:27,753 - "Wok of Shame." - Single men, 38 00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:29,555 imitation Crab Rangoon. 39 00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:31,949 - You in? - I don't know, Maya. 40 00:01:31,955 --> 00:01:34,442 Both those things sound kinda... 41 00:01:34,839 --> 00:01:36,754 - sad? - Oh, they are. 42 00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:39,667 Well, what happened to that guy you met on Tinder? 43 00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:40,873 Rudy? 44 00:01:40,879 --> 00:01:44,532 ? 45 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,735 RUDY: Maya! Maya! 46 00:01:46,829 --> 00:01:48,556 Ah. Ah. 47 00:01:50,587 --> 00:01:52,090 Forgot your phone charger. 48 00:01:52,096 --> 00:01:54,698 [CHUCKLES] I could've just gotten it next time. 49 00:01:54,894 --> 00:01:57,909 Y-Yeah. Um, about that... 50 00:01:58,799 --> 00:02:01,001 Are you [BLEEP] kidding me, Rudy? 51 00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:02,960 And it's not just Rudy. 52 00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:05,457 I mean, every guy, really, is the worst. 53 00:02:05,463 --> 00:02:07,357 So will you please come with me to this thing 54 00:02:07,363 --> 00:02:09,340 so then maybe we could meet some more of them? 55 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,835 The thing is, Maya, that I... 56 00:02:10,841 --> 00:02:12,862 I kind of already met someone I like. 57 00:02:12,868 --> 00:02:14,638 You already met someone you like? 58 00:02:15,451 --> 00:02:16,742 [INHALES DEEPLY] 59 00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:18,169 There's two guys on here. 60 00:02:18,175 --> 00:02:20,050 Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Not the doctor. 61 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,154 The hot young guy, Wes. 62 00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:25,966 Oh. I know what this is. 63 00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,276 Uh, Lena... 64 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,263 sometimes really ugly people 65 00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:32,570 use photos of really not-ugly people 66 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:34,259 to just try to lure you in. 67 00:02:34,662 --> 00:02:36,762 That's actually how I met Rudy. 68 00:02:36,768 --> 00:02:38,971 - Are you talking about... - You're being catfished. 69 00:02:38,977 --> 00:02:41,742 - I'm not being catfished. - Said everyone on the show "Catfish." 70 00:02:41,748 --> 00:02:43,577 I'm not on the show "Catfish," 71 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:46,678 and I didn't meet either of those guys on an app or online. 72 00:02:46,684 --> 00:02:49,845 - I met them in person. - You mean in... real life? 73 00:02:49,851 --> 00:02:51,687 Yeah. And the doctor is nice. 74 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,312 I just... I feel like I have 75 00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:55,390 more sexual chemistry with the young guy. 76 00:02:55,396 --> 00:02:57,687 - Oh, sexual chemistry. - Yeah. And it's like he... 77 00:02:57,693 --> 00:03:00,109 definitely takes me outside of my comfort zone. 78 00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:01,315 Oh. 79 00:03:01,321 --> 00:03:04,246 So, you've been single for like 14 seconds, 80 00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,463 and you've already been outside of your comfort zone? 81 00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:10,162 Well, not all the way outside of my comfort zone. 82 00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,680 That's kind of what I was hoping to do next weekend. 83 00:03:12,686 --> 00:03:14,398 Oh. Of course. Right. 84 00:03:16,592 --> 00:03:17,798 [SNORTS, SPITS] 85 00:03:19,685 --> 00:03:23,074 ? Keep giving me hope for a better day ? 86 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,581 ? Keep giving me love to find a way ? 87 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:30,786 ? Through this heaviness I feel, I just need ? 88 00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:36,209 - ? Someone to say everything's okay ? - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com - 89 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,598 - ? Everything's okay ? - That kid is such a poser. 90 00:03:38,604 --> 00:03:40,374 - Who? McManus? - He thinks he's so great 91 00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,958 just 'cause he's got syphilis. 92 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,187 Did you say "syphilis"? 93 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,062 - Syphilis. - Syphilis. 94 00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,637 Syphilis. It's an STD. 95 00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:52,476 Thank you, Jules. I know that it's an STD. 96 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,751 Um, I just didn't know that anyone still got it 97 00:03:54,757 --> 00:03:56,948 except for 17th-century courtesans. 98 00:03:56,954 --> 00:04:00,331 Why would anyone think they're so great for having syphilis? 99 00:04:00,337 --> 00:04:03,257 Well, because the girl he says he got it from 100 00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:05,758 - is Brooke Benaroche. - Brooke Benaroche? 101 00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:07,360 Brooke Benaroche is the hottest girl in school. 102 00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:09,151 She has a tattoo of Ganesh on her pelvis. 103 00:04:09,157 --> 00:04:11,868 Ganesh is an elephant. Kind of like Babar, but Hindu. 104 00:04:12,149 --> 00:04:13,610 Thank you, Jules. Thank you so much. 105 00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:15,388 You're welcome, Ms. Wagner. And may I say 106 00:04:15,394 --> 00:04:17,024 you are wearing the hell out of those sweatpants. 107 00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,923 Okay. Do you see that? That's why half of you have syphilis. 108 00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:22,001 Mom, relax. None of us have syphilis. 109 00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:24,220 Yeah, I mean, Mason hasn't even frenched a girl, 110 00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:25,924 so y-you really got nothing to worry about. 111 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,135 - Ohh! - Ohh! Ohh! 112 00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,343 Oh, okay. All right. Yuk it up. 113 00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:31,223 But, uh, homey's onto something here, 114 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:35,090 because the only way to avoid a nasty STD like syphilis 115 00:04:35,096 --> 00:04:36,823 is by being abstinent. 116 00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:40,321 - Like my killer here, Mason. - Okay, oh, Mom, you're not helping. 117 00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,320 Okay. Come on, guys. Let's go. 118 00:04:42,326 --> 00:04:44,812 All right, well, if you do smash, wrap it up, gents. 119 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,919 Wrap it up. All right? 120 00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:48,459 And limit your number of... 121 00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,536 sexual partners! 122 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,417 ? 123 00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:57,001 ? Can't keep my hands to myself ? 124 00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:59,641 ? 125 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:03,112 ? Think I'll dust 'em off, put 'em back up on the shelf ? 126 00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:06,180 ? In case my little baby girl is in need ? 127 00:05:06,477 --> 00:05:08,777 ? Am I coming out of left field? ? 128 00:05:08,915 --> 00:05:11,703 ? Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now ? 129 00:05:11,883 --> 00:05:14,923 ? I've been feelin' it since 1966, now ? 130 00:05:14,991 --> 00:05:18,019 ? Might be over now, but I feel it still ? 131 00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:20,762 ? 132 00:05:20,831 --> 00:05:23,932 ? Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now ? 133 00:05:23,938 --> 00:05:26,947 ? Let me kick it like it's 1986, now ? 134 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:30,171 ? Might be over now, but I feel it still ? 135 00:05:30,177 --> 00:05:33,370 ? Might've had your fill, but I feel it still ? 136 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,332 You, sir, are a dancer. 137 00:05:35,338 --> 00:05:37,045 - Yeah? - Yeah. 138 00:05:37,051 --> 00:05:38,375 You're really good. 139 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,306 - [BOTH LAUGH] - Well, damn. 140 00:05:41,158 --> 00:05:43,668 We did it. Here. 141 00:05:44,181 --> 00:05:45,596 You know, it's funny. 142 00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:49,946 When we first started lessons, you know, I thought... 143 00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:51,347 You had some kind of disability? 144 00:05:51,353 --> 00:05:52,659 Yeah, I know. I thought the same thing. 145 00:05:52,665 --> 00:05:53,940 [LAUGHS] No. 146 00:05:53,946 --> 00:05:55,939 No, I-I actually... 147 00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:58,237 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 148 00:05:58,243 --> 00:06:00,068 I actually thought something different. 149 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,133 When we first started, 150 00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:04,141 you know, I thought I was just doing this to... 151 00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:05,554 [SIGHS] 152 00:06:05,852 --> 00:06:08,729 I don't know... prove something to myself, you know? 153 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,453 But then after spending these past few weeks with you... 154 00:06:12,716 --> 00:06:15,042 I realize that, uh... 155 00:06:15,822 --> 00:06:17,652 I'm not doing this for me. 156 00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:20,057 - No? - No. 157 00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:22,752 I'm doing it for her. 158 00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:25,565 For her. Right. 159 00:06:26,388 --> 00:06:28,985 I mean, what if I had done this before we got married? 160 00:06:29,584 --> 00:06:31,874 What if I had danced with her at our wedding? 161 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,755 Maybe it would have changed the entire course of our marriage. 162 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,804 So, what, you think one dance with your ex-wife 163 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,683 is gonna erase all of your problems? 164 00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:41,198 Well, you said I was a good dancer. 165 00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,777 I said you were a dancer. 166 00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:46,488 You said I was a great dancer. 167 00:06:46,494 --> 00:06:48,733 - [LAUGHING] I said a dancer. - Mm-hmm. 168 00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:52,413 Why do we have to wear these matching hats? 169 00:06:52,419 --> 00:06:55,130 - They're anti-aging. - I feel like we're in "The Handmaid's Tale." 170 00:06:55,258 --> 00:06:57,239 So, wait. Martin has a girlfriend?! 171 00:06:57,245 --> 00:06:58,445 It would appear that way. 172 00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,423 Same girl sneaking into the garage again. 173 00:07:01,612 --> 00:07:03,343 Oh, my God. How are you guys talking? 174 00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:06,054 - This is practically vertical. - I'm gonna kill him. 175 00:07:06,437 --> 00:07:08,712 It's okay. Whatever. I'm dating, too. 176 00:07:08,718 --> 00:07:11,140 No, I'm talking about Arthur. Martin has a girlfriend, 177 00:07:11,146 --> 00:07:13,725 - and that little [BLEEP] didn't tell me? - You know what I realized? 178 00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:16,439 Tomorrow was gonna be our 16-year anniversary. 179 00:07:16,445 --> 00:07:18,157 He's already in a relationship! 180 00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:21,024 Okay. Meanwhile, I'm gonna die here on these steps 181 00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,524 childless and alone. 182 00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,240 Ugh! Maya! 183 00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:26,531 If you want to have children, why don't you stop whining about it 184 00:07:26,537 --> 00:07:27,741 and just have some? 185 00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,040 It's 2018. There are ways, you know? 186 00:07:30,046 --> 00:07:32,037 - Artificial insemination. - Adoption. 187 00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:33,344 Amazon Prime. 188 00:07:34,445 --> 00:07:35,995 No. Watch, you guys. It will happen. 189 00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:38,778 I don't know if I could have a kid all by myself. 190 00:07:38,784 --> 00:07:40,598 I can't even make it up these steps. 191 00:07:40,604 --> 00:07:42,797 Well, I think you'd be a kick-ass single mom. 192 00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:44,873 You can practice on my kids if you want. 193 00:07:44,879 --> 00:07:46,794 Now, that is a good idea. 194 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,264 You babysit her kids. 195 00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:50,246 Martin is dating, so you're dating. 196 00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,996 Okay. Screw it. Maya, are you in? 197 00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:54,591 - I'm texting Wes. - I'm in. 198 00:07:54,597 --> 00:07:57,567 But promise me that you're gonna have sex and not just dinner. 199 00:07:57,573 --> 00:07:59,163 I mean, it depends on what we have for dinner. 200 00:07:59,169 --> 00:08:01,040 I mean, if it's like, something with Alfredo... 201 00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,763 CAMILLE: No! No Alfredo! 202 00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:05,366 She needs a UTI by first light. 203 00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:07,251 Okay. It's been a very long time 204 00:08:07,257 --> 00:08:09,056 since I've been with anyone other than Martin. 205 00:08:09,062 --> 00:08:10,562 You know, though, as I recall, 206 00:08:10,568 --> 00:08:13,243 you haven't been with Martin in a long time, either. 207 00:08:13,249 --> 00:08:15,190 Exactly. That's what I'm saying. 208 00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:17,478 I mean, what will I wear? What will we even talk about? 209 00:08:17,778 --> 00:08:19,300 Don't talk about your kids. 210 00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:20,886 Oh, my God. I'm not gonna talk about my kids. 211 00:08:20,892 --> 00:08:23,269 He doesn't want to hear about kids. He is a kid. 212 00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:26,994 Ohh. He's so young and cool and edgy. 213 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,489 Like The Fonz. 214 00:08:28,495 --> 00:08:31,610 - Oh, my God. The Fonz is like 100. - Oh. 215 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,498 You okay? 216 00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:39,291 Who, me? I'm great! 217 00:08:39,297 --> 00:08:40,497 But if my battery dies, 218 00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:43,412 I'll definitely have to call an Uber, 'cause this is a long run. 219 00:08:43,418 --> 00:08:45,213 [LAUGHS] A real long run! 220 00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:49,017 Hey. Hop off that thing. I-I want to show you something. 221 00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:50,223 Something gross? 222 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,523 What? No. 223 00:08:51,529 --> 00:08:53,212 No. No. I-I... 224 00:08:53,218 --> 00:08:54,525 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 225 00:08:54,531 --> 00:08:57,441 I got a gift for Lena, and I-I want to know what you think. 226 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,939 Come on. Get off the hover board. 227 00:08:59,423 --> 00:09:00,623 Come here. 228 00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:05,189 This is a little weird. And yet, I've never felt safer. 229 00:09:06,642 --> 00:09:09,504 ? One, two, three, one, two, three ? 230 00:09:09,671 --> 00:09:11,761 - Did you learn to dance?! Okay. - Get closer. 231 00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,756 You did! You learned to dance! 232 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,287 - Stop fighting me so much! - Okay, I'm sorry. 233 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,293 [HORN HONKS] 234 00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:17,861 Hey! We're dancing! 235 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,259 - Dude, when did this happen? - A while ago. 236 00:09:22,265 --> 00:09:24,467 And then seeing her the other night all dressed up, 237 00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:26,950 you know, getting excited to go out with some other dude, 238 00:09:26,956 --> 00:09:29,553 - it... it just got me... - Shook? 239 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,546 - Shook. Yeah, I got shook. - Yeah. 240 00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:33,445 Hey. Listen to me. You promise me... 241 00:09:33,451 --> 00:09:36,034 Promise me that you're not gonna say anything about this to Camille. 242 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,456 - What? Why? - Dude. 243 00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,661 She doesn't let me keep secrets. Those are the rules. 244 00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,531 One dessert, no secrets. 245 00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,378 If you tell Camille, she will tell Lena and... and then ruin it. 246 00:09:44,847 --> 00:09:46,458 She will ruin it. 247 00:09:46,464 --> 00:09:48,728 Tomorrow would've been our 16-year wedding anniversary, 248 00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:50,327 and I have made a decision. 249 00:09:51,796 --> 00:09:53,612 I want to fix things with Lena. 250 00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:57,479 - ? - [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 251 00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:02,185 Oh, hey, guys. 252 00:10:02,191 --> 00:10:04,254 What's up, cherry-boy? Still living in Palmdale? 253 00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,029 [LAUGHTER] 254 00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:08,921 HAZEL: Don't listen to them, cherry-boy. Those kids are jerks. 255 00:10:09,421 --> 00:10:11,101 Oh. Hi, Hazel. 256 00:10:14,225 --> 00:10:17,388 It's like, "God, math. Why don't you just grow up 257 00:10:17,394 --> 00:10:19,077 and solve your own problems?" Am I right? 258 00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:21,359 Pick me up tonight in an Uber, and I'll french you. 259 00:10:21,365 --> 00:10:23,678 - What?! - If it's an uberX, just frenching. 260 00:10:23,684 --> 00:10:25,794 If it's a BLACK car, you might get to second. 261 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,201 And if it's an uberPOOL, deal's off. 262 00:10:28,207 --> 00:10:33,811 ? 263 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,353 W-what if it's during surge pricing?! 264 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,542 MAE: What if your baby refuses the breast? 265 00:10:40,548 --> 00:10:42,360 I... offer a bottle. 266 00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:43,931 What if your baby doesn't want the bottle? 267 00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:46,237 Yeah. What if your baby only wants a Snapple? 268 00:10:46,861 --> 00:10:49,572 - Call a pediatrician? - Or...? 269 00:10:49,578 --> 00:10:51,084 Give the baby the Snapple? 270 00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,369 That's what I'd do. 271 00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:53,680 [MASON SIGHS HEAVILY] 272 00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:55,575 What's the matter, Mace? 273 00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,475 You don't want to play "What if Your Baby"? 274 00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:58,695 MASON: Fine. 275 00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:01,057 What if your baby 276 00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:04,064 was the only baby who had never hooked up with anyone, 277 00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:06,458 and all of your baby's friends always tease your baby 278 00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:07,951 and called your baby "cherry-boy"? 279 00:11:07,957 --> 00:11:10,651 So your baby made plans to make out with a girl named Hazel 280 00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:12,268 from math class in a sex Uber, 281 00:11:12,274 --> 00:11:14,242 and now your baby very much regrets it?! 282 00:11:14,248 --> 00:11:16,526 Whoa. Your baby's awesome! 283 00:11:16,532 --> 00:11:21,295 Hey! My baby doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. 284 00:11:21,301 --> 00:11:22,955 Yes, your baby does! 285 00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:24,808 Milo. Go get a snack. 286 00:11:26,496 --> 00:11:27,945 _ 287 00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:29,694 Sex Uber? 288 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,493 - Mason, no. - [SIGHS] 289 00:11:31,562 --> 00:11:33,784 First of all, we're a Lyft family. 290 00:11:34,071 --> 00:11:35,880 I think I'm just gonna no-show. 291 00:11:35,886 --> 00:11:39,096 Okay, uh, I know why you're saying that. But... 292 00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:40,785 listen. You just gotta... 293 00:11:40,791 --> 00:11:42,974 you gotta think about how that girl is gonna feel. 294 00:11:42,980 --> 00:11:44,660 - [CELLPHONE CHIMES] - Great. My driver, Amir, 295 00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:46,473 4.8 stars, is now arriving. 296 00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:47,679 Okay. Listen. 297 00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:49,117 If you don't like this girl, 298 00:11:49,123 --> 00:11:51,671 you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 299 00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:55,648 But you can't stand her up. Just let her down easy. 300 00:11:59,155 --> 00:12:00,460 [SIGHS] 301 00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,982 Wow. Great job, Aunt Maya. 302 00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:06,591 See? Maybe I-I can do the kid thing on my own. 303 00:12:06,597 --> 00:12:07,797 Yeah. 304 00:12:07,803 --> 00:12:11,348 You just sent a 14-year-old out for a sexcapade on a school night. 305 00:12:11,354 --> 00:12:13,763 And I'm not supposed to be drinking this. 306 00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:16,103 ? 307 00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:18,513 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 308 00:12:18,582 --> 00:12:21,983 ? 309 00:12:21,989 --> 00:12:23,286 I like your beanie. 310 00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,203 - I'm taking it off. - [CHUCKLES] Don't. 311 00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,410 Did you wear it for me? 312 00:12:29,059 --> 00:12:30,477 No, I did not. 313 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,930 - It feels like you wore it for me. - Nope. 314 00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:35,042 Wrong. I wear this beanie all the time. 315 00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,346 Right. 316 00:12:37,101 --> 00:12:40,281 - Did you borrow it from your son? - Stop it! [LAUGHS] 317 00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:43,400 Oh, so I guess we don't have to worry about 318 00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:45,713 finding a table, because there aren't any. 319 00:12:45,719 --> 00:12:48,013 No need for a table. You'll be done eating in 30 seconds 320 00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:50,308 - after he hands it to you. - It's funny that you think I'm eating this. 321 00:12:50,314 --> 00:12:52,497 Oh, you are absolutely eating this. 322 00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:54,897 I know we're just kind of getting to know each other, 323 00:12:54,903 --> 00:12:56,192 - Uh-huh. - but you should be made aware... 324 00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,308 meat that comes from one of those... 325 00:12:58,314 --> 00:13:00,778 slathered in sauce from one of those, 326 00:13:00,784 --> 00:13:05,722 served in one of these is never going inside of this. 327 00:13:05,909 --> 00:13:08,964 Oh, first of all, that is not just meat. 328 00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,272 That is Al pastor. 329 00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:13,482 Okay, it's meat that has had his fingers in it. 330 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,959 Oh, you want those fingers in there. 331 00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,257 I mean, those fingers are responsible for half the taste. 332 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:20,398 If I could lick each and every one of those fingers, I would. 333 00:13:23,171 --> 00:13:25,272 - �Qu� van a ordenar? - Dos Al pastor. 334 00:13:25,603 --> 00:13:27,515 Y dedos extras, por favor. 335 00:13:29,149 --> 00:13:31,588 That's "extra fingers" in Spanish. 336 00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:33,493 LENA: Got it. Okay. 337 00:13:34,412 --> 00:13:35,711 Gracias. 338 00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:38,419 How do you say "gloves" in Spanish? 339 00:13:40,908 --> 00:13:43,533 Okay. Don't be mad. I'm so sorry. I just... 340 00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:46,314 I-I-I-I am not a "street meat" kind of girl. 341 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,409 Well, maybe you are a "street meat" kind of girl 342 00:13:48,415 --> 00:13:49,894 and you just don't know it yet. 343 00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,228 [STRAINED] I don't think so. 344 00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:52,434 All right. Come on. 345 00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,414 One tiny bite? 346 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,702 [SIGHS] 347 00:13:56,509 --> 00:13:58,332 Don't be the girl who didn't try. 348 00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:00,615 Hmm? 349 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,100 ? 350 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,289 - Oh, my God! - Exactly. 351 00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,781 - Oh, my God! - [CHUCKLES] 352 00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:17,953 Are those his fingers that I'm tasting? 353 00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,159 All ten of them. 354 00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:21,106 Mmm. 355 00:14:22,266 --> 00:14:23,466 Told ya. 356 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,941 I bet when you left the house tonight, 357 00:14:25,947 --> 00:14:27,846 you never would have dreamed you'd be eating street meat 358 00:14:27,852 --> 00:14:29,348 and making out in a parking lot. 359 00:14:29,354 --> 00:14:31,651 Yeah, well, we're not exactly making out. 360 00:14:32,149 --> 00:14:37,552 ? 361 00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:43,158 ? 362 00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:47,316 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 363 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:52,017 [WHISPERING] Hey. Come on in. 364 00:14:52,095 --> 00:14:53,621 Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. 365 00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:57,997 Oh. You're... in your underwear. 366 00:14:58,003 --> 00:15:01,600 Thank you, uh, for coming on such short notice. I can pay you. 367 00:15:01,606 --> 00:15:03,483 [LAUGHS] That's not necessary. What's going on? 368 00:15:03,489 --> 00:15:05,210 I'm nervous. 369 00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:07,127 I'm, like, really, really nervous. 370 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:09,119 I've completely blanked on everything that we've worked on. 371 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:12,149 I mean, is it... is it left foot forward? Is it left foot back? 372 00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:15,237 Okay. So, you always lead, okay? Don't overthink it. 373 00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:17,612 - You're way beyond the basic waltz. - Mm, okay. 374 00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:21,456 ? One, two, three, one, two, three ? 375 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,662 MARTIN: Oh... 376 00:15:23,358 --> 00:15:25,358 Your body will remember it, even if you don't. 377 00:15:25,364 --> 00:15:29,562 Thank you, Charlotte, for the refresher. I just want 378 00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:32,952 everything to be perfect tonight for Lena, you know? 379 00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:35,052 I'm sure it will be. 380 00:15:35,529 --> 00:15:40,416 And, um, I-I don't think that you need lessons anymore, 381 00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:41,918 because you're really good. 382 00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:43,839 So I'm gonna go. 383 00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,495 Hey, hey. Wait. 384 00:15:46,584 --> 00:15:47,916 You okay? 385 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,231 No, I'm not. 386 00:15:50,237 --> 00:15:52,672 When you texted me, I half-expected you to 387 00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:54,770 come to your senses and... and talk to me 388 00:15:54,776 --> 00:15:56,921 about something other than your ex-wife. 389 00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,884 Oh. Ohh. 390 00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:03,533 Oh. 391 00:16:04,341 --> 00:16:08,248 Oh. Uh, I'm sorry. I'm just... 392 00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:11,741 Just gonna try to find a... a robe. 393 00:16:11,919 --> 00:16:13,921 I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. 394 00:16:13,927 --> 00:16:16,060 - No! I'm not. - [STEAM HISSING] 395 00:16:16,261 --> 00:16:19,097 Well, you're hiding behind an iron and a place mat. 396 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,509 So... I'm gonna go. 397 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:25,197 I should probably let you... 398 00:16:25,914 --> 00:16:27,114 go. 399 00:16:32,052 --> 00:16:33,252 [DOOR CLOSES] 400 00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:36,611 ? 401 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:43,044 ? And I was a boy from school ? 402 00:16:43,175 --> 00:16:46,252 - ? Helplessly helping ? - Cool Uber, huh? 403 00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:48,965 - ? All the rules... ? - Yeah. 404 00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:52,049 Um... 405 00:16:53,348 --> 00:16:56,458 Look, Hazel, I know you were probably expecting 406 00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:58,725 a really deep frenching tonight, 407 00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:02,215 but, TBH, I'm just not ready. 408 00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,705 I was just tired of being the only kid at school 409 00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:06,930 who hadn't hooked up with someone. 410 00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:09,502 You're not the only kid. 411 00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:11,662 - Seriously? - Yeah. 412 00:17:11,668 --> 00:17:13,602 And TB even more H, 413 00:17:13,608 --> 00:17:17,036 I get made fun of all the time for being "inexperienced." 414 00:17:17,274 --> 00:17:19,392 I'm not even sure what second base is. 415 00:17:19,398 --> 00:17:21,114 [CHUCKLES] 416 00:17:21,296 --> 00:17:23,755 I think I know, but I-I was... 417 00:17:23,761 --> 00:17:25,638 - I was gonna ask you to confirm. - [CHUCKLES] 418 00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:29,263 Come on! I wasn't even born in this country, and I know. 419 00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:30,972 It's the stuff with the boobs. 420 00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:33,868 Okay. 421 00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:37,993 ? 422 00:17:37,999 --> 00:17:39,599 [THUNDER CRASHES] 423 00:17:43,576 --> 00:17:45,568 [BRAKES SQUEAL, GEAR CLICKS] 424 00:17:46,069 --> 00:17:48,069 [ENGINE SHUTS OFF] 425 00:17:49,806 --> 00:17:52,093 [SIGHS HEAVILY] 426 00:17:52,442 --> 00:17:54,036 Wes, Wes, Wes. 427 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,342 What are we doing? 428 00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:58,837 W-What do you mean? 429 00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:01,327 I don't know. 430 00:18:01,952 --> 00:18:05,332 Even with the beanie, I just... I see you with someone cooler. 431 00:18:05,338 --> 00:18:07,342 I just... I see you with someone like 432 00:18:07,348 --> 00:18:09,157 the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. 433 00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:11,965 I don't like the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. 434 00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,478 I like the Girl with the Pearl Earring. 435 00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:18,680 Are you talking about the painting or...? 436 00:18:18,686 --> 00:18:19,886 You. 437 00:18:22,346 --> 00:18:24,031 I'm talking about you. 438 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,981 Me? Are you sure? 439 00:18:26,987 --> 00:18:29,987 - ? - [CHUCKLES] 440 00:18:38,388 --> 00:18:42,924 ? 441 00:18:47,956 --> 00:18:50,382 If I get syphilis tonight, it's totally worth it. 442 00:18:50,388 --> 00:18:51,996 I don't have syphilis. 443 00:18:52,002 --> 00:18:53,966 I just got chills when you said that. 444 00:18:53,972 --> 00:18:56,489 That's, like... that's, like, hypochondriac porn. 445 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:57,802 Say it again. 446 00:18:57,808 --> 00:18:59,095 I don't have syphilis. 447 00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:01,111 What about meat guy's fingers? 448 00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,747 - Totally sanitary. - Mmm. 449 00:19:03,907 --> 00:19:06,027 I am so turned on right now. 450 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,755 And if there was gonna be gastrointestinal upset, we'd have it. 451 00:19:09,761 --> 00:19:10,961 And I feel fine. 452 00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:12,237 [CHUCKLES] 453 00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,456 What am I gonna do with you? 454 00:19:14,462 --> 00:19:16,845 ? Hello, my old heart ? 455 00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,247 ? How have you been? ? 456 00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:23,484 ? Are you still there inside my chest? ? 457 00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:27,450 ? I've been so worried ? 458 00:19:27,456 --> 00:19:30,050 ? You've been so still ? 459 00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:33,492 ? Barely beating at all ? 460 00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:37,611 ? Ohh ? 461 00:19:37,617 --> 00:19:40,211 ? Don't leave me here alone ? 462 00:19:40,217 --> 00:19:42,406 ? Don't tell me that we've grown ? 463 00:19:42,412 --> 00:19:45,299 ? For having loved a little while ? 464 00:19:45,956 --> 00:19:48,082 ? Ohh ? 465 00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,557 ? I don't want to be alone ? 466 00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:53,183 ? I want to find a home ? 467 00:19:53,189 --> 00:19:56,191 ? And I want to share it with you ? 468 00:19:56,197 --> 00:20:00,922 ? 469 00:20:01,953 --> 00:20:03,359 MAE: What if your baby goes MIA 470 00:20:03,365 --> 00:20:05,053 and refuses to answer his phone? 471 00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:07,961 Kill yourself is the answer? Kill yourself?! 472 00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:10,643 Ohh! Look! There he is! There he is! 473 00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:13,104 Oh! There's my baby. 474 00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:17,409 ? 475 00:20:18,399 --> 00:20:20,725 What's up, cherry-boy? Move out of Palmdale? 476 00:20:20,731 --> 00:20:21,931 Shut up, Mae. 477 00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:23,198 Hey, Aunt Maya, 478 00:20:23,204 --> 00:20:25,782 I know I said I didn't really like that girl, 479 00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:27,699 but we actually had a great time. 480 00:20:27,904 --> 00:20:30,816 I-I'm glad I went. So thanks. 481 00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:32,022 Huh. 482 00:20:32,215 --> 00:20:35,416 So, did I do great, 483 00:20:35,422 --> 00:20:37,418 or did I put his life in jeopardy? 484 00:20:37,424 --> 00:20:39,676 I-I can't even tell. 485 00:20:40,603 --> 00:20:44,814 Oh! Maybe that's just what parenting is. 486 00:20:45,608 --> 00:20:48,763 Okay, I'm just gonna call this one a "win" then. 487 00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:52,572 Hey. You guys want to go stalk Rudy with me? 488 00:20:52,578 --> 00:20:57,578 - ? - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com - 489 00:20:57,628 --> 00:21:02,178 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35913

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