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Previously on "Splitting Up Together"...
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- LENA: We're pulling the plug.
- MARTIN: And the kids know,
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and they're okay.
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And things really aren't
gonna be that different.
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The on-duty parent will live in here,
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taking care of the kids,
living a rich, full life.
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That's right. And the off-duty
parent will be living right
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here in the garage.
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I don't want Lena dating again.
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- I want her back together with Martin.
- We haven't had sex in two years.
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Let me give you my card, here.
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Are you... sending out vibes?
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- Vibes?
- Are we vibing?
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- _
- ?
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Okay, so, Milo has a
book report due Monday,
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Mason needs to practice piano.
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At least an hour... that was the deal.
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- MARTIN: Okay.
- And Mae needs to take vitamin D.
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The doctor said she's deficient.
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There's some on the
counter by the microwave.
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She's deficient?
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How's that even possible? We
live in Southern California.
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Have you met Mae?
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What are you doing?
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Taking the comforter
with me to the garage.
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Um, no, you're not.
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I just spent a week in
solitary confinement.
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I've been looking forward to a real bed,
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complete with the
comfort of a comforter.
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Ooh! It's so cozy!
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You don't even care about blankets.
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- You kick them off at night.
- Yeah, but one has to be there
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in order for me to kick it off.
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And don't tell me that
I can kick off a quilt,
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because I've tried it,
sister. It didn't work!
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Uh, I'll get you a different blanket!
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- You're ridiculous.
- You're ridiculous!
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That comforter is property
of the master bedroom.
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Whoever sleeps here gets to enjoy
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full custody of that
blanket and the children.
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- Come here!
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
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- Stop it! Martin!
- Rahh! Ow! [BELL CHIMES]
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LENA: It wasn't always like this.
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When things were good,
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we slept under the same blanket.
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But once you introduce that
crappy second blanket, boy...
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MARTIN: Yeah, the marriage
is pretty much over.
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- [BELL CHIMES]
- God!
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- Oh! Fine!
- Ow!
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- Uh!
- Let the baby have his blankie.
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Sank you!
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[MARTIN SIGHS]
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Hey.
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I'm sorry. I'll see you next week.
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[MARTIN SIGHS]
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- Thank you. I appreciate the...
- I was talking to the blanket.
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? Keep giving me hope for a better day ?
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? Keep giving me love to find a way ?
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? Through this heaviness I
feel I just need someone ?
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- ? To say everything's okay ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
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- ? Everything's okay ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
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MARTIN: You ready to
die? You ready to die?
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- MASON: I surrender! I surrender!
- MARTIN: Gonna cry? Oh, you surrender?
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[LAUGHTER]
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Oh, are you gonna
cry? Are you gonna cry?
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- Do I need to get you a crying bikini, huh?
- [LAUGHING]
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- Sexist.
- [LAUGHING] Ow! Ow!
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Beg pardon?
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You're a cisgendered sexist,
and you're raising two more
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by continuing to perpetuate
negative stereotypes.
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- Wha?
- "Crying bikini"?
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Because that's what girls
wear, and only girls cry?
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No, no, no. The crying bikini is a...
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it's a unisex garment, right?
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[CHUCKLING] Oh, come on.
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Come on. I'm not sexist.
I'm your dad. I...
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always treated you
kids exactly the same.
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Really?
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Because you never wrestle with me.
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You want to wrestle?
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- Sure.
- Aww, she's gonna get it.
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- You asked for it. Rah! Uh!
- Oof!
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- BOTH: Ooh!
- Oh, my God.
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- Oh, my God. Are you okay, honey?
- I'm okay.
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She just stood there like a drunk.
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- Is it over?
- Well, I mean, it can be.
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Technically, you're supposed
to, you know, struggle now,
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- try to get free.
- He's not even torturing her.
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Come on, Dad. What
about the rib cruncher?
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Yeah. That's your signature move.
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You want your ribs... crunched?
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Why not?
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Okay. Ah! The rib
cruncher... crunchin'...
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G-g-g-g-g... uh!
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She's impervious.
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Okay, that's it. We're done.
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Wrestling's over. Come on. Everyone. Go.
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- Aw.
- Go. Go read a book.
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No fair. Girls ruin everything.
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Hey, hey. Milo, get
over here. Come here.
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Come here.
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Don't say, "Girls ruin everything."
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It-it's not cool to
generalize about all girls.
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Say, "Mae ruins everything."
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I appreciate that.
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I'm sorry. Is it, like,
really damp in here?
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It is. Here.
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This should help.
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Huh. Look at those guys.
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- Are those...
- Centipedes, yeah.
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I've come to know
their habits quite well.
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They are a moisture-loving lot.
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But these boys flew a little
too close to the sun, am I right?
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- I'm sorry.
- What is it?
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I just hate seeing you like this?
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Like what? I'm happy.
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- You can't be.
- But I am.
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Camille, this is not that bad.
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And besides, it's only for a week.
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Actually, it's 26 weeks, if
the arrangement lasts a year.
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[SCOFFS] Well, I could see
it lasting more than a year.
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Honestly, I look forward
to my garage weeks.
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This is my time to focus on myself.
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I had an epiphany last
week in the main house.
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You know how our shower
has that great big skylight?
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- No.
- Well, it does.
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And I always insisted
that we never open it
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because of the squirrels
that run across our roof.
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00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:10,459
It drove Martin crazy.
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He said, "What's the
point of having a skylight
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if we never get to open it?"
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I had a head full of shampoo...
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I'm gonna kill him.
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...and I was about to
get out of the shower
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to close the thing when...
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You wanna go?
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Don't even think about coming down here.
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I will kill a squirrel.
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And in that moment,
I realized something.
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That you were right and Martin
should have listened to you all along?
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No. That squirrel is the only man
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who has seen me naked in two years...
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and he's not even a man.
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This is my week to change that.
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?
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?
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- You're not gonna eat that, bro.
- I am, bro.
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- Bro, I'm taking it.
- Come at me, bro.
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- Don't say "come at me, bro" to your bro, bro.
- Here.
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Mae, you okay?
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00:06:04,605 --> 00:06:08,801
Yeah, just... a little too much
bro-energy, if I'm being honest.
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00:06:08,807 --> 00:06:11,541
Mmm, well, they are... actual bros.
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And I guess I didn't get
the memo about this being
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a shirtless dinner, or
I would have joined in.
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- Gross.
- My point exactly.
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Ditto for the recent no-flushing trend.
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- Hey, if it's yellow, let it mellow.
- Ah, that's a good boy.
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How is that a "good boy"?
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Mae, when you're a mom,
you can make the rules,
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but I'm playing Mom this week.
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And why are you "playing Mom"?
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Because you're taking care
of your kids and your house?
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He's not really taking
care of his house.
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I'm literally only shirtless
'cause there's no clean laundry.
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Shut up, traitors!
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Do you want clean laundry
or the Master Sword in Zelda?
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I can't do both.
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00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,534
And besides...
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00:06:45,747 --> 00:06:47,823
there was a whole movie
made about it in the '80s.
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It was called "Mr. Mom."
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You know what a better name
for that movie would have been?
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"Dad."
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- She's not wrong.
- Yep.
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- All right, guys. Zip it.
- He...
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00:06:58,989 --> 00:07:01,989
?
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00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:05,427
_
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00:07:06,152 --> 00:07:08,364
_
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MAE: Who are you texting?
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Mae.
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Why are you lying in wait?
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Sorry, but... Mom, I can't
handle Dad weeks. I just can't.
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Nobody brushes and nobody
flushes, and not to tattle,
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but Dad never moves the
wet clothes from the washer
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- into the dryer.
- [GASPS]
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Can I please just
stay out here with you?
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Oh, sweetie.
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You know, I would love that,
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but I think your dad
would be heartbroken.
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- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- I mean, he really looks forward
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00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:37,012
to his weeks with you.
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00:07:37,098 --> 00:07:39,416
I mean, your dad adores you.
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00:07:40,614 --> 00:07:43,417
You know who's a real pain
in the ass? Your daughter.
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00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:45,106
I mean, when did she get so judgmental?
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00:07:45,112 --> 00:07:47,419
Seriously, Mae can go topple
the patriarchy someplace else,
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00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,019
because I am her actual father,
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00:07:49,025 --> 00:07:51,189
and the next time that
girl rolls her eyes at me,
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00:07:51,195 --> 00:07:52,395
I'm gonna tell her...
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00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,777
The future is female?
199
00:07:59,658 --> 00:08:01,463
W-Well, what the hell is wrong with her?
200
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:02,968
Maybe she feels outnumbered.
201
00:08:02,974 --> 00:08:05,178
Well, I'm sure Mason feels
the same way during your week.
202
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:07,059
But he's not outnumbered. He has Milo...
203
00:08:07,065 --> 00:08:10,074
Oh, Milo doesn't count. He's,
like, a little half-human.
204
00:08:10,177 --> 00:08:12,076
Look. Mae is smart.
205
00:08:12,082 --> 00:08:13,329
And insightful.
206
00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:15,702
- And she's also...
- Not my daughter?
207
00:08:15,804 --> 00:08:17,705
- I was gonna say "a feminist."
- 'Cause you can tell me
208
00:08:17,711 --> 00:08:20,390
- if she's not my daughter.
- Mae is a budding feminist,
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00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:23,609
- and as such, she is questioning everything.
- Okay.
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00:08:23,615 --> 00:08:27,032
So, maybe if you just took a
little bit more of an interest
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00:08:27,038 --> 00:08:28,509
in the things that she cares about,
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00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:30,736
- the way you do with the boys.
- [SCOFFS] Oh god, here we go again.
213
00:08:31,128 --> 00:08:32,604
If you don't want my advice,
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00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,700
I've got a whole shelf
full of parenting books...
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00:08:35,095 --> 00:08:36,982
- and cookbooks.
- So, you're just gonna use this
216
00:08:36,988 --> 00:08:38,874
as an excuse to push your own agenda
217
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,772
- once again. Oh, just admit it, Lena,
- You came knocking on my door.
218
00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:44,358
it kills you that I don't
parent the way you do.
219
00:08:44,364 --> 00:08:46,895
And yet, here I stand... not dead.
220
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,326
And clearly, my rules
don't govern your world,
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00:08:49,332 --> 00:08:50,711
- Right.
- hence the skylight.
222
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,190
[LAUGHING] Oh, the skylight?
223
00:08:53,196 --> 00:08:54,497
The skylight!
224
00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:57,497
Oh, you're just angry because
you can't block my sunshine.
225
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:00,021
I was eye-[BLEEP] by a squirrel!
226
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,906
Whoa.
227
00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:05,195
- I didn't mean to block his sunshine,
- _
228
00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:06,900
but somehow, I'm always the bad guy.
229
00:09:06,906 --> 00:09:08,595
- Yeah.
- "Yeah"?
230
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,391
Look, I realize that
231
00:09:10,397 --> 00:09:12,586
things between you
two are complicated...
232
00:09:12,592 --> 00:09:14,157
They're not complicated. They're over.
233
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:17,173
...but then again, the devil you know...
234
00:09:17,179 --> 00:09:19,997
But then again, who wants
to be married to the devil?
235
00:09:20,003 --> 00:09:22,169
You should've heard the way
he talked to me last night.
236
00:09:22,175 --> 00:09:23,880
He blames me for everything,
237
00:09:23,886 --> 00:09:25,880
including his relationship with Mae.
238
00:09:25,886 --> 00:09:28,270
But on the plus side, not a squirrel.
239
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,145
Fine, I'll give you "not a squirrel."
240
00:09:30,151 --> 00:09:32,144
But need I remind you, Martin's dating.
241
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:35,669
We have no way of knowing
whether he is or isn't dating.
242
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,255
Well, regardless, I am more interested
243
00:09:38,261 --> 00:09:40,052
in the cute doctor I've been texting.
244
00:09:40,058 --> 00:09:41,442
What cute doctor?
245
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,328
The one who treated Mason. I
asked him out for drinks tonight.
246
00:09:44,499 --> 00:09:46,829
This is my mom's, but I'm allowed.
247
00:09:46,835 --> 00:09:48,538
- I know, Toby.
- So, what?
248
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:51,521
You just use emojis
now, like some tween?
249
00:09:51,527 --> 00:09:52,982
- The heart-eyes one...
- _
250
00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:54,767
- The tongue-out one...
- _
251
00:09:54,773 --> 00:09:57,063
- The snorting-coke one...
- That's not coke.
252
00:09:57,069 --> 00:09:59,194
- That is a ton of coke.
- [CHIP READER BEEPING]
253
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,095
Okay, relax, chip reader.
254
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,074
We all waited for you, and
now, the second you're ready,
255
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,394
Toby's supposed to jump?!
256
00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:08,028
- [SIGHS]
- I thought you'd be happy for me.
257
00:10:08,034 --> 00:10:09,842
- Well, I'm not.
- _
258
00:10:10,315 --> 00:10:13,520
I'm sorry. I just really miss
the way things used to be.
259
00:10:13,526 --> 00:10:14,911
Well, I don't,
260
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,193
okay? I don't want a platonic marriage.
261
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:19,403
I want to be with someone who's into me.
262
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:22,610
I want to be with someone who
wants to tear my clothes off.
263
00:10:23,064 --> 00:10:26,963
Are you the type of person
who would let someone...
264
00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:28,678
tear their clothes off?
265
00:10:29,571 --> 00:10:33,847
Well, obviously not my high-end pieces.
266
00:10:35,628 --> 00:10:37,338
- ?
- _
267
00:10:39,897 --> 00:10:42,897
?
268
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,303
"Gender Wars"?
269
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:46,855
- Why are you looking at Mom's books?
- Oh.
270
00:10:46,948 --> 00:10:50,760
[CHUCKLES] Hey, man. Uh, I'm
just doing a little research on
271
00:10:50,766 --> 00:10:52,018
your sister.
272
00:10:53,739 --> 00:10:55,072
And your mom.
273
00:10:55,078 --> 00:10:57,810
- And just women in general. You know.
- _
274
00:10:57,816 --> 00:11:00,120
- Care to join me?
- I'm good.
275
00:11:02,317 --> 00:11:04,944
I mean, it'd be one thing if she
were dating to get back at him,
276
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:07,217
but I don't think
she's doing it for him.
277
00:11:07,223 --> 00:11:08,830
I think she's doing it for her.
278
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,072
Which means...
279
00:11:10,078 --> 00:11:11,360
it's really over.
280
00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:13,071
That's a fair assumption.
281
00:11:15,783 --> 00:11:18,766
- I don't understand your attitude.
- What attitude?
282
00:11:18,772 --> 00:11:21,166
How can you take this
whole thing just lying down?
283
00:11:21,172 --> 00:11:23,072
Take what lying down?
Someone else's divorce?
284
00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:24,892
Well, if it could happen to them,
285
00:11:24,898 --> 00:11:26,877
- it could happen to us.
- It's not gonna happen to us.
286
00:11:26,883 --> 00:11:28,594
- Well, how do you know?
- 'Cause if you ever tried to leave,
287
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,470
I would hold you captive like an orca.
288
00:11:30,476 --> 00:11:31,943
- That's illegal.
- What do I care?
289
00:11:31,949 --> 00:11:33,867
Without you, my life is over anyway.
290
00:11:34,669 --> 00:11:39,248
See, that is exactly the type of
needy, desperate, deranged behavior
291
00:11:39,254 --> 00:11:42,146
that it takes to keep
a marriage together.
292
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:43,785
[SMOOCHING KISSES]
293
00:11:43,791 --> 00:11:46,299
[FLUSHING] MAE: Sorry, I flushed.
294
00:11:50,185 --> 00:11:51,584
What's with the hats?
295
00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:53,016
Well, uh...
296
00:11:53,391 --> 00:11:56,108
we just wanted to show you
that we support your cause.
297
00:11:56,114 --> 00:11:57,416
My cause?
298
00:11:58,004 --> 00:11:59,712
You guys are hilarious.
299
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:04,993
[DOOR SLAMS]
300
00:12:04,999 --> 00:12:06,889
I told you this wasn't gonna work.
301
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,120
I like mine.
302
00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:13,683
ARTHUR: Whoa, are you cooking?
303
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:16,755
Yeah. I just realized
that I did have a tendency
304
00:12:16,761 --> 00:12:18,624
to let Lena do most
of the household stuff,
305
00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:21,238
and now, I'm... trying to... you know...
306
00:12:21,244 --> 00:12:22,665
- Change?
- Yes.
307
00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:23,971
Change.
308
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,528
W-Why now?
309
00:12:25,756 --> 00:12:28,626
Well, for starters,
my daughter hates me.
310
00:12:28,632 --> 00:12:30,626
I mean, I-I've already screwed
up my relationship with Lena.
311
00:12:30,632 --> 00:12:32,161
I don't want to lose Mae, too.
312
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:35,811
Martin, you're so vulnerable right now.
313
00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:37,017
?
314
00:12:37,116 --> 00:12:40,045
It's beautiful, bro.
It's seriously beautiful.
315
00:12:40,336 --> 00:12:43,242
- Can I give you a hug?
- I-I-I don't really want to do that.
316
00:12:43,248 --> 00:12:44,448
Come on.
317
00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:45,881
Let's hug.
318
00:12:45,887 --> 00:12:47,832
?
319
00:12:47,838 --> 00:12:49,076
Okay.
320
00:12:54,401 --> 00:12:56,001
- Mmm.
- Ahh.
321
00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:57,608
It's all right.
322
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:01,742
- Oh!
- Aah!
323
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,564
Stay in the hug, all
right? Don't turn around.
324
00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:05,392
- Oh god, what's happening? What...
- You don't want to see.
325
00:13:05,398 --> 00:13:07,437
- I do want to see!
- Okay, you're gonna stay in the hug,
326
00:13:07,443 --> 00:13:10,064
because you're gonna need it.
Now, slowly rotate to the right.
327
00:13:10,070 --> 00:13:13,022
Slowly. Great. Great!
328
00:13:13,028 --> 00:13:16,480
?
329
00:13:16,604 --> 00:13:18,035
She got a date, huh?
330
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:24,227
?
331
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:25,916
_
332
00:13:25,922 --> 00:13:27,834
DR. KASPER: I'm, uh,
really glad you texted.
333
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,452
- Well, I'm glad you responded.
- Of course I responded.
334
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:34,056
Although, to be clear,
I don't do cocaine.
335
00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:36,094
Okay, is that the coke emoji?
336
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:37,752
I... [LAUGHS]
337
00:13:37,758 --> 00:13:40,187
You're really cute. You know?
338
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:41,921
And pretty.
339
00:13:42,882 --> 00:13:44,794
And I would like to kiss you.
340
00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:50,137
- [BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY]
- Uh, I-I-I'd like to administer a kiss.
341
00:13:50,223 --> 00:13:52,943
Well, let me prep the patient.
342
00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:54,262
Ahh.
343
00:13:54,821 --> 00:13:56,146
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
344
00:13:56,718 --> 00:13:59,212
- Soft, but not mushy. And, like, tongue,
- Oh...
345
00:13:59,218 --> 00:14:01,140
but not an oppressive
amount. You know what?
346
00:14:01,146 --> 00:14:03,622
- Use your best judgment on the tongue.
- [CHUCKLES]
347
00:14:04,714 --> 00:14:06,493
I just wouldn't... I wouldn't go crazy.
348
00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:08,696
- Okay.
- You like to call the shots, huh?
349
00:14:08,702 --> 00:14:10,683
Sorry. I'm sorry.
350
00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:13,189
- I just... I'm trying to work on that.
- Yeah.
351
00:14:13,195 --> 00:14:15,191
- You know what? Don't listen to me.
- Oh, okay.
352
00:14:15,197 --> 00:14:17,296
You just kiss me however you want.
353
00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:19,082
Thank you.
354
00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:21,000
And I'm sure you're gonna crush it.
355
00:14:21,772 --> 00:14:24,167
- [WHISPERING] So, good luck in there. You got it.
- [WHISPERING] Okay.
356
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:25,686
- Can I come in now?
- Do it.
357
00:14:35,631 --> 00:14:36,831
[SIGHS]
358
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,140
I think, maybe, I got into
your head a little bit.
359
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,556
Um, why don't we take another run at it,
360
00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:44,640
but this time, you know, just...
361
00:14:44,646 --> 00:14:46,464
- I think, it was like...
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
362
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,757
- It was...
- Wait. Uh, rain check.
363
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,071
One of my patients
just landed in the ER.
364
00:14:52,077 --> 00:14:54,578
- Oh, my gosh. Of course, yes. Go.
- Uh...
365
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:55,890
[BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]
366
00:14:57,677 --> 00:14:58,890
Bye.
367
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,006
So, you're a nightmare.
368
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,278
I beg your pardon?
369
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,772
Well, how can anyone succeed
370
00:15:10,778 --> 00:15:12,475
when they're being given
that much direction?
371
00:15:12,481 --> 00:15:14,990
See, now, I would argue,
"How can one not succeed
372
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:16,457
when given that much direction?"
373
00:15:16,463 --> 00:15:17,753
So, you dictate orders,
374
00:15:17,759 --> 00:15:19,168
he says, "Yes, ma'am," and
375
00:15:19,174 --> 00:15:21,875
- next thing you know...
- Haven't had sex in two years.
376
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:23,762
Who hasn't?
377
00:15:23,768 --> 00:15:25,557
What? I don't know. Not me.
378
00:15:25,563 --> 00:15:27,706
I was just saying, like, one hasn't...
379
00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:29,598
just one that hasn't had sex
in two years. I don't know.
380
00:15:29,604 --> 00:15:32,574
- I'm just saying hypotheticals.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
381
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:35,612
Well, hypothetically...
382
00:15:37,411 --> 00:15:39,801
I think you need someone
who knows how to push back.
383
00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:41,326
My ex-husband pushed back.
384
00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:43,225
- Did he push back hard?
- Hard...
385
00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:45,134
yeah. We fought all the time.
386
00:15:45,732 --> 00:15:47,853
So, maybe you like it gentle.
387
00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:51,613
[LAUGHING] Okay.
388
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:55,486
- Relax. Let's just relax, okay?
- [LAUGHS]
389
00:15:55,617 --> 00:15:57,088
I'm someone's mother.
390
00:15:57,094 --> 00:15:59,095
I'm actually three people's mother.
391
00:15:59,101 --> 00:16:03,292
And motherhood and
sexuality can't co-exist?
392
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:06,072
'Cause, from where I'm
sitting, they can...
393
00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:08,378
and do...
394
00:16:10,057 --> 00:16:12,885
...if you could just chill out a little.
395
00:16:13,493 --> 00:16:15,237
I can chill out.
396
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,686
I don't want to lie to
you... I cannot chill out.
397
00:16:18,797 --> 00:16:21,312
MARTIN: Kids! Dinner!
398
00:16:22,311 --> 00:16:23,813
Okay, you guys.
399
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,257
So, the reason I do not cook
400
00:16:26,263 --> 00:16:28,772
is not because I am a male chauvinist,
401
00:16:29,348 --> 00:16:30,984
it's because...
402
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,646
?
403
00:16:32,652 --> 00:16:34,092
...I suck.
404
00:16:34,098 --> 00:16:39,257
?
405
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:44,535
?
406
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:47,671
?
407
00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:49,115
It's delicious.
408
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:50,823
Stop it.
409
00:16:50,829 --> 00:16:52,521
It is. See for yourself.
410
00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:56,425
It looks like dog barf,
but it tastes great.
411
00:16:56,431 --> 00:16:57,631
Cut it out.
412
00:17:02,786 --> 00:17:04,399
It is delicious.
413
00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:06,969
Men really can do everything, huh?
414
00:17:10,204 --> 00:17:11,791
[MARTIN SIGHS DEEPLY]
415
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:14,109
- Not bad, huh?
- MAE: See, Dad?
416
00:17:14,115 --> 00:17:16,798
If I hadn't pizza-shamed you,
you would have never discovered
417
00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:19,002
- your inner domestic goddess.
- Mm.
418
00:17:19,008 --> 00:17:20,400
This is true.
419
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:23,009
- Can I be excused?
- Yes, you can, little man.
420
00:17:23,015 --> 00:17:24,742
- Uh, me, too?
- Yeah. You, too.
421
00:17:25,615 --> 00:17:27,228
- Hey, Mae.
- Hm?
422
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,552
You know, just because I'm the guy
423
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,956
doesn't mean that I'm the bad guy.
424
00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:34,730
I know.
425
00:17:35,331 --> 00:17:37,121
Okay. Good.
426
00:17:37,319 --> 00:17:38,843
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
427
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:43,321
When you were little, I really
knew how to play with you.
428
00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:45,539
I did. I would... I would
throw you up in the air,
429
00:17:45,545 --> 00:17:48,848
and you would scream and run
around, and I mean... [LAUGHS]
430
00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:53,461
But then, you grew up,
and you got so serious.
431
00:17:53,968 --> 00:17:56,257
- I still like to play.
- You do?
432
00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:58,098
What do you like to play?
433
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:02,245
Boggle.
434
00:18:03,329 --> 00:18:06,244
Well, Mae, I have some
really bad news for you.
435
00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:08,856
Tomorrow night...
436
00:18:09,501 --> 00:18:11,121
I'm gonna murder you.
437
00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:14,574
At Boggle! [CHUCKLES]
438
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:16,409
- All right.
- Okay.
439
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,285
[SIGHS]
440
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:23,861
?
441
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:25,405
You're home early.
442
00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:28,717
Are you waiting up for me?
443
00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:29,923
No.
444
00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:31,993
Yes.
445
00:18:31,999 --> 00:18:33,606
- [PHONE ALERT CHIMES]
- [LENA CHUCKLES]
446
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,717
Hey.
447
00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:37,682
You cooked.
448
00:18:37,985 --> 00:18:39,403
Is Mae happy?
449
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,718
Your books were very helpful.
450
00:18:41,877 --> 00:18:44,881
And so was your advice, so, thank you.
451
00:18:44,887 --> 00:18:46,087
You're welcome.
452
00:18:48,990 --> 00:18:53,381
And I'm... I'm sorry if I, um, just...
453
00:18:53,607 --> 00:18:56,297
If I have a tendency to... just...
454
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,910
I'm sorry that I blocked your sunshine.
455
00:19:00,691 --> 00:19:04,091
Well, I'm sorry for whatever I said
456
00:19:04,097 --> 00:19:07,222
that made you highlight
pages 18 through 48.
457
00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:08,920
- You actually read that?
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
458
00:19:08,926 --> 00:19:12,310
- Oh, I read. I cook. I clean.
- Oh?
459
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:13,977
I run a mile in under 6.
460
00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:15,883
Oh. Okay.
461
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:19,022
?
462
00:19:19,272 --> 00:19:22,077
Tell the new guy he's
got big shoes to fill.
463
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,972
? Hello, my old heart ?
464
00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,233
? How have you been? ?
465
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:31,786
? Are you still there inside my chest? ?
466
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,670
? I've been so worried ?
467
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:38,234
? You've been so still ?
468
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,927
? Barely beating at all ?
469
00:19:44,821 --> 00:19:46,544
MASON: ? 6:00 A.M. ?
470
00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:48,931
? Day after Christmas ?
471
00:19:49,032 --> 00:19:52,959
? I throw some clothes on in the dark ?
472
00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:56,352
? The smell of cold ?
473
00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:58,915
? Car seat is freezing ?
474
00:19:58,921 --> 00:20:01,212
? The world is sleeping ?
475
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:03,274
? I am ?
476
00:20:03,445 --> 00:20:06,540
? I'm feeling more alone ?
477
00:20:07,938 --> 00:20:11,402
? Than I ever have before ?
478
00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:15,467
Okay, seriously, can you play
something a little less depressing?
479
00:20:15,473 --> 00:20:17,105
I'm going through a divorce here, bud.
480
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:19,417
Aw, you want me to
get your crying bikini?
481
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:20,786
Oh, my God. You're so dead.
482
00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:23,316
Well, what do you want me to do?
This is the song that I'm learning.
483
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:25,096
You're so dead. I'm
gonna go take a shower.
484
00:20:25,102 --> 00:20:26,304
Okay.
485
00:20:26,728 --> 00:20:28,512
[PIANO RESUMES]
486
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:33,504
? She's a brick, and
I'm drowning slowly ?
487
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:38,192
? Off the coast, and
I'm heading nowhere ?
488
00:20:38,198 --> 00:20:43,665
? She's a brick, and
I'm drowning slowly ?
489
00:20:43,671 --> 00:20:46,750
[GROANS AND SIGHS]
490
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,145
?
491
00:20:48,844 --> 00:20:50,044
Well...
492
00:20:50,406 --> 00:20:51,850
she told you so.
493
00:20:51,856 --> 00:20:57,384
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
494
00:20:57,434 --> 00:21:01,984
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