Original subtitles

ts)

I admit you have smooth moves,

but wait until you see my wrath!

Take that!

(beep)

(beep)

(ding)

Aw, man!

This pop-up ad totes interrupted my pwnage.

That's not an ad.

It's a FriendSpace message.

Ooh! Somebody wrote me?

(bleep)

If you do not forward this to three friends,

you will be cursed with bad luck forever.

I'll send it to three friends and kiss bad luck goodbye!

Wait... I don't have any friends!

Orbot, Cubot!

I command you to FriendSpace me!

(beep, beep)

(bleeps)

Ooh, I have two friend requests!

(ding, beep, chuckle)

(grunts)

"When your boss tears the lair apart searching for the remote,

and realizes it was stuck to his butt the whole time."

That could've been about any boss?

"Hashtag Eggman Problems"?

Hmm.

(laughs)

That's a good one! I've got to share that! (beeps)

Aw, now it's trending!

I'll deal with you two later.

I've got to get a third friend.

Be my friend?

Looking for some web buddies.

You like chat rooms?

Why is it so hard for an evil villain

to win the trust of his victims?

(efforts)

(struggling)

Huh?

(efforts)

Need help moving, friend?

(efforts)

The people in this town are so nice.

What was it you said you do again?

Oh, you'll find out soon enough.

Hey, we should stay in touch.

Let's link up on FriendSpace!

Oh! I'd be delighted!

Of course, might take me a bit.

My computer's buried in one of these boxes,

and I won't have Internet hooked up for a few weeks--

(yelps)

(grunts)

(clicks, beeps)

Hey, there's that Rabbit Girl.

She's so hip and condescending.

I bet she's got hundreds of friends!

What's shaking, girlfriend?

Snapping some selfies to your BFFs?

That's on fleek.

You sound like my mom when she tries to relate to me.

Parents, right? Theye 'rso whack.

Since we have so much in common,

how about being friends on FriendSpace?

Friendspace?!

(scoffs) That is so two weeks ago.

Tell me about it.

Boresville!

So, uh, what should I be using?

SnarkChat. Duh.

(ding)

Nevermind. SnarkChat's so over.

(facepalms)

Need a hand crossing the street, old timer?

Oh, what a nice young man.

Are you trying to earn your merit badge?

Eh... Something like that.

If you would be so kind,

when you get back to the home,

log onto FriendSpace, shoot a friend request my way.

Shoe down my compu-whosit and what into HuhSpace?

(grunts)

(car crash)

(groans)

This is bad! Oh no!

(efforts)

Oh good! He's okay!

(slams door, revs engine)

(yelps)

(tires screech)

(shrieks)

(grunts, moans)

Yah!

And the Blue Blur lines up

for his record 25th consecutive goal.

(efforts)

(groans)

Good grief.

Hey guys, what you doing?

Shooting hoops?

Tossing around the old pigskin?

Doing the sports?

(groans)

What do you want, Egghead?

Want? I don't want anything.

I demand you add me on FriendSpace!

No! You're not my friend; you're my enemy!

Well fine!

I didn't want to be friends anyway!

I was only asking because-- because-- my MomBot made me!

(kicks ball, efforts)

Aw!

(whimpers)

I feel bad for t gheuy.

It might not be a bad idea to add Eggman on FriendSpace.

We'd keep tabs on him.

Yeah.

(grunts)

Do I really have no friends?

Maybe it's time to take a look at myself.

Change my attitude.

Try being nice to people.

(bleep) A friend request?

(bleep)

From Sonic the Hedgehog?

To think I was about to needlessly improve myself...

(bleep)

"If you do not forward this message..."

Oh geez. Delete!

(sighs)

(dings, gasps, grunts)

(bleeps)

So he's an over-sharer.

Yeah. Just ignore him,

the way Meh Burger ignores customer complaints.

We're not ignoring them.

We're saving them in case we run out of napkins.

Eggman's a social media menace.

During this conversation alone

he's sent me a dancing penguin GIF,

a check-in at Wolf Sidekick's open mic,

and an article about the Mayor's email server.

I'm sure he'll settle down.

(bleep)

You'll need a two-ply for that one.

Thankfully, this guy had many complaints.

People have accused me

of running a pyramid scheme.

To them I say,

sign up and find out for yourself!

(crowd mutters)

You're not getting away with this scam, Barker!

"Scam" is such a harsh term.

I like to think of it as

"relieving my clients of the burden of a heavy wallet."

Stunt Bears, will you break it down for them?

(growl)

(bleep) Huh?

What now?

I'm not in this picture! Why did he tag me?

(grunts, efforts)

(groans)

(growls)

(bleep)

Dude, this meme's five years old.

(smack, efforts)

(grunts)

(bleep)

Another cat video?

That's it, I'm un-friending him!

Ooh, talk like a pirate day's coming up.

I'll send Sonic a reminder.

(typing) Ahoy, matey!

(bloop)

(buzz)

What? Sonic un-friended me?

I'm sure it was a misunderstanding.

I'll send him another friend request.

We'll be LOLing about this later. (laughs)

(types, bloop)

(buzz)

Rejected? Two can play at this game.

I'll create my own social network,

with no Sonics allowed!

(evil laugh)

Brainstorming time!

What does a successful social media site need?

Uh, pictures of your lunch?

Easy shareability of clickbait articles?

That's good. That's good.

How about: A way to force people to look at baby pictures!

(chuckles)

Might I also suggest:

The ability to give a minimum of acknowledgement

to someone without actually writing anything?

I like that.

I'll call it "winking!"

That'll be great for my social media site.

Now I just need to get the right buzz going...

(bump, grunt)

Oh, Sonic.

Didn't see you there.

I un-friended you from my peripheral vision.

Still mad, Eggbutt?

If you didn't send me pictures every eight seconds,

none of this would've happened.

Well excuse me for thinking you'd appreciate it.

Now, I have someone I need to speak with.

Oh!

What's up, gal pal?

I've got one word for you!

(scoffs) Is it "Goodbye?"

No! It's "Scrambler!"

My new social networking site.

It's got a super simple interface,

easy navigation, targeted ads based on your personal data...

Pass.

(sighs) Well, so much for Scrambler.

And nobody even got to use it.

Did you say there are no users?!

That sounds uber exclusive! I'm in.

(beeps)

And so are 3,000 of my closest friends.

(bleeps) Everything's coming up Eggman!

(water)

(bleeps)

(bleeps, bloops, crash)

(bleep) Woah!

Hmm.

Ames, what's going on around here?

We all signed up for Scrambler.

It's a new social media site.

Instead of talking to people,

you fry a message over to their Scrambler Pan.

(bleep)

(laughs)

(beeps)

(bleeps, laughs)

(beeps)

(bleeps, laughs)

I hate it already.

I'd better sign up too, in case it's an evil scheme.

(beeps, bloops)

Membership denied, loser!

You're kidding me! Eggman won't let me join!

(giggles) A cat with a bag on its head?

What'll they think of next?

(groans)

(bleeps, laughter)

(tapping foot)

Where is everybody?

The game should've started an hour ago!

(balls drops, beeps)

(busy signal)

(sighs, beeps)

(busy signal, groans)

(beeps)

(sighs)

(party walla)

We're closed for an exclusive event.

Exclusive? Everyone in town's in there.

Sorry, you're not on the list.

You need to RSVP on Scrambler.

But I'm not on Scrambler.

Get with the times, old man!

(party walla)

Oh, come on!

(door opens) Okay,

I get it. You're sore because I un-friended you--

Huh?

(groans)

What's wrong, Egghead?

Oh, nothing.

I just have no friends, is all.

Everyone in the village is your friend!

They're just digital friends.

I asked for a cup of sugar on Scrambler.

Not one friend responded. Not one!

They just winked at me.

Know how condescending it feels to have 67 people wink at you?

68.

If you let me join Scrambler,

I'll comment on all your posts.

No matter how pointless or factually inaccurate.

(gasps) Really?

You'd do that?

All right then, welcome to Scrambler!

(types)

(bleep)

This interface is really intuitive.

You like it?

Heck yeah, I do!

(beep) Unfriended!

(laughs)

How does it feel to be unfriended by your enemy?

Not so good, huh?

I feel like a million bucks!

I'll unfriend everybody who didn't bring me sugar!

Then I'll delete the whole Scrambler app!

(beep, evil laugh)

(groan)

(bloop)

(bloop)

(bloop)

(bloops)

(crowd boos)

If I can't have real live friends,

at least I can have real live enemies.

at)

(grunts)

(splat)

(groans)

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