Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: In the last episode of Soap,

Eunice came back, surprising Dutch and Corinne,

and was surprised herself when she found them together.

She wants Dutch to take her back,

which, at that point, was no surprise.

In the custody battle,

Carol surprised Jodie by lying on the stand.

Leslie, despondent over Billy, keeps surprising the Tates

by showing up and trying to kill herself,

which she is surprisingly bad at doing.

Mary still hasn't told Burt

she might surprise him with an alien baby,

and Jessica, who is, surprisingly enough,

still dating the psychiatrist,

really got a surprise when the doctor told her

she has only a few weeks to live.

Surprised?

You won't be after this episode of Soap.

This is story of two sisters,

Jessica Tate

and Mary Campbell.

These are the Tates,

and these are the Campbells,

and this is Soap.

I brought all your favorites, Jess.

I wanted your room to be full of springtime.

God, I'm too late.

My Jess is gone.

Oh, Jessie!

Oh, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie.

Chester.

Oh, God.

Jess, you scared me to death.

I thought you were...

Well, not yet.

You almost took me with you.

I brought you flowers.

Oh, Chester. They're lovely.

Oh, Jess, you can't die.

You just can't die!

Well, I don't want to, Chester.

I can't stand it! I just can't stand it!

You're gonna die

before I've had a chance to make it all up to you.

Aw, there, there, Chester.

Come, now. There's nothing to make up.

But the way I've been.

I can't live without your forgiveness.

I forgive you.

For what?

Well, whatever it is you want to be forgiven for.

But you can't forgive me, Jess.

I've been too awful.

Too much.

I know.

You don't know.

I do.

Chester, I know all about your affairs,

and I forgive you.

For some of them,

but you don't know about all of them.

Well, it doesn't matter, Chester.

I forgive you anyway.

No, Jess, you can't.

You can't just forgive me without knowing.

You've got to know.

When you were in labor with Eunice.

The maternity ward nurse.

You knew.

Of course.

For a while, we patients were treating ourselves,

but it's all right, Chester. I forgive you.

Well, here's one you don't know about.

Our honeymoon.

The chambermaid.

You knew about that?

I found a pair of panties in our suitcase

that said "S?bado."

What about the time in London?

Did you know about the time in London?

London?

Ah, you didn't know about that one.

The tour guide

while you were watching the changing of the guard.

That only takes a few minutes.

So do I.

I know.

Wait till you hear this one.

It doesn't matter, Chester. None of it matters.

You're not mad?

Of course not.

I refuse to leave this world mad.

Besides, you can't have a good time in heaven

if you're mad.

A good time?

Of course.

Chester, it's a wonderful place. You remember Gone with the Wind?

Well, that's what it's like.

A gigantic Tara

with magnolia blossoms and petticoats

and beautiful women and handsome men

and horse-drawn carriages.

Of course, the horses are dead horses.

You see, Chester, they were bad horses,

but there's no hell for horses, so they work in heaven.

And the weather is always springtime,

and there's no bad news, and, Chester,

you can eat like an animal and never get fat.

That sounds very nice.

It is.

Now, Chester, I don't want to wear a lot of makeup.

When? When I'm dead.

So tell the undertaker to take it easy on the makeup,

you see, because I know I am not going be in heaven two seconds

before my mother will say to me,

"Do you really think you look nice like that, Jessica?"

Jess, your mother's dead.

I know, and she's gonna be waiting for me

right at the door of heaven.

Chester, I think I'd like to wear my light green gown.

Now, I know I look best in white lace,

but I think it's kind of crazy to wear white

when you're going to have to wear it forever,

and, see, I don't know

if there's a dry cleaner's in heaven,

and I really want to look nice when the gentlemen come to call.

Gentlemen?

Mm-hm. Jess, aren't you going to wait?

For what? For me.

Chester, you might never get there.

I'll miss you, Jess.

You'll be with me all the time,

in all my thoughts,

every day for as long as I live.

The children are going to be okay.

They'll be fine.

Because, now, Chester,

if I look down and Billy is not eating,

I will not be able to yell down.

Don't worry.

They'll all be fine.

They're fine now,

and they're fine now because of you.

You'll be fine too, Chester.

Yes, you will.

Oh, Jess.

I love you so.

I love you too, Chester.

You'll always be with me, Jessica.

I'm glad.

Then I won't have died at all.

However, Mr. Dallas did appear at the church

to marry you that very next morning,

and you didn't show up. Why?

Mr. Dallas informed me that this marriage would be

merely a marriage of convenience,

and not to expect him to carry out the duties

usually designated to a husband and father.

I wouldn't have shown up either.

I never said that.

You see, You Honor, when I get married,

it's going to be for the right reasons,

so my daughter can look around her

and see a home filled with love and honesty,

giving and sharing.

A happy home

with Daddy coming from work every night,

and Wendy running into his arms

as he lifts her up, and he says,

"There's my little girl. There's my little Wendy."

That's when I'll get married, Your Honor, and not before.

Thank you.

Mallu, are you quite through?

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

It's a fairy tale. It's not real.

Neither is Bambi.

Doesn't matter. It's moving, isn't it?

Remember the bunny?

Would you stop it?

Okay, okay, okay.

No more questions.

Watch this, kid. You'll learn something.

Miss David, I admire your integrity and good sense.

That movie you made in the parking lot

back of Felder's Drug Store,

all those men, were they firemen or were they police officers?

What?

They were out of their uniforms so fast

I hardly had time to notice.

I never...

Just yes or no, Miss David, were they cops?

I don't know what you're...

Firemen. Were they firemen?

Yes or no, Miss David.

Were they firemen? Yes or no.

No! Just as I thought. Cops.

I object.

Strike that from the record.

Miss David, just a few more questions.

The court knows

that you used to be employed by me.

Do you recall any time

speaking to me about having children?

No, I don't believe so.

Fact is, you're not too crazy about children,

are you, Miss David?

Of course I am.

Do you remember an adorable little boy,

one Hector Ramirez, you hurled obscenities at

while walking with me through Central Park one day?

He was mugging me.

You did, in fact, try to strike him

about the head, back and tush, isn't that right?

I tried to hold on to my purse.

And now you want the custody of your own child,

so you can bend and twist her

till she has nothing to do but grow up like you.

You make me sick. Get off the stand.

Mr. Mallu!

No more questions.

Oh, Miss David.

Yes.

I thought you were the best thing in the movie.

I never did that movie. I never did it!

Miss David...

Miss David, you may step down, please.

You too, Mallu.

Impressed?

That was horrible.

Thank you, Dallas. That means a lot to me.

I can't believe it. Is this what it all comes to?

I don't know.

I may have to get ugly.

I call Earlene David to the stand.

What do you think?

I think we're in good shape now.

She's a good person. She's decent and she's honest.

Raise your right hand, please.

Swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you, God.

I do.

The whole truth, yes, I do.

May God strike me dead.

Yes, uh-huh.

Be seated.

Mrs. David, you are the infant's grandmother,

are you not?

Yes, I am.

Now, on the night in question,

you brought your granddaughter

to see her father, Mr. Dallas,

at his apartment.

Would you tell the court what happened?

I will tell you exactly what happened.

I went to Jodie's apartment,

and there was this woman there with some man,

and she said

that if I didn't get out of there in 10 seconds,

they were going to beat the living hell out of me.

And if I ever tried to come back and get Wendy,

they were going to kill me.

Your Honor, I object.

Overruled.

Okay.

Mrs. David, would you tell the court, please,

who was the aforementioned woman?

The woman in Mr. Dallas' apartment

with that gang of homosexuals was Jodie Dallas.

That's it.

Dallas, what are you doing?

What do these notes mean

that we've been taking, huh?

What good are these law books,

for God's sake?

Nobody tells the truth around here.

I mean, am I going mad, or what?

Restrain him. Restrain him, please.

Why don't you just tar and feather me?

Mr. Dallas, one more word out of you,

and I am gonna hold you in contempt.

Only one more word?

I have plenty of more words, Your Honor.

How about mockery, huh?

And disgrace, huh?

Because I have been hearing these words

ever since this travesty began.

You're killing me here.

You're ruining my life.

The court will reconvene at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, Mare, the laughing.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, Mare.

I had a nightmare.

This was a nightmare?

Yeah, well, I'm happy.

A happy person has happy nightmares.

I guess you had to be there.

You know what it is, Mare?

You know what it is?

It's because I am so happy.

I'm glad you're happy, Burt.

And, Mare, I want you to be happy.

That's what I want.

For the rest of my life, I wanna make you happy.

Come on, what can I do to make you happy?

Sleep.

Burt...

Come on, Mare.

I can't. I can't sleep.

Well, I guess you could stay up

for a little while.

You know what it is, Mare?

It's I got everything I want.

I don't want anything anymore.

I got it all right here.

I'm a sheriff.

I'm serving people.

I'm helping my fellow man.

I've got wonderful kids

and a beautiful, wonderful wife,

and now a baby, Mare.

Gonna have a baby.

I wonder what color hair it's gonna have.

I've often wondered that myself.

You, Mare, you got blonde.

I got blond.

Burt, you know, I read somewhere

when two blond people make a baby,

a silverish hue...

Never mind.

Let's go to sleep.

Okay. Oh, I love you.

Oh, Burt.

What?

I have to tell you something.

Well, go on, shoot.

When you were...

Oh, God.

Oh, I know, I know, I know.

You think that I want a little baby boy, right?

Take him to ball games,

teach him about... you know.

I would love a girl, Mare.

A girl would be great.

I already thought of a name for her.

How about this in your head?

Roll it around.

Mary Jr.

You like it?

No.

I mean, that's not it.

Burt, I'd like to have a little girl too.

Actually, Mare, I don't really care what it is.

That's good...

because there's a good chance...

As long as I had it with you.

Oh, Mare, I love you, and thank you.

Thank you for making me

the happiest man in the whole world.

Good night.

Good night!

Good night.

Hiya, Dutch.

I hope this is not a dream.

Thank you.

Wh-wha... Ooh.

I don't know how you did that, Corinne,

but don't ever stop.

It's not Corinne.

Whatever.

Eunice?

Corinne, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

What are you doing here?

Well, what do you think I'm doing here?

Well, do it somewhere else.

That was just so sneaky, Corinne.

Sneaky? You ran out on him.

It is 4:00 in the morning.

You want to nitpick?

Two-timer.

Man-stealer.

Hey. Hey, hey.

Come on. Come on, now.

Hey, what's going on here?

Come on.

Okay, break. Break.

Dutch, this is ridiculous.

You have to make a choice.

We can't keep doing this.

Well, we could try it for a while.

Dutch, I agree with Corinne.

This is just stupid.

Now, you have to choose.

Corinne.

Dutch?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

How can you just say Corinne?

Eunice.

Settled.

Okay, darling, night-night.

Dutch! Oh, come on, you guys.

You come in here

in the middle of the night,

you tell me I gotta choose.

That ain't right. I got no control of my life.

Well, like it or not, Dutch, you are in the middle,

and like it or not, you have to choose,

because if you don't,

we're just gonna have to keep doing this.

Fine, I'll let you know next week.

Dutch.

Okay, okay, I know I gotta,

but it isn't easy.

I mean,

as much as I'm mad at you, Eunice...

I still love you,

and as much as I love her, that's how much I love you,

so I know I gotta do the only thing I can.

I gotta make a decision, firm and final,

and whoever I choose,

the other one has gotta understand.

I agree.

Go ahead, Dutch.

Make your choice.

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

One of you has got to go.

Who it is, I do not know,

and this hurts worse than a broken toe.

Once there was a guy named Joe.

He fell in love with Ruth and Flo.

He chose Ruth,

said, "Flo, go blow,"

and this is going very slow.

Looty, tooty, hoop-dee-hee.

I love yous, and yous love me.

We can't stay here, all us three,

so one of you has got to leave.

Riva, riva, fee-fo-fum.

One of you will be mighty glum

when I choose the other one,

but then I'll feel like a dirty old bum.

Who's that sloshing through the snow?

It's the postman.

He will know

who should stay and who should go.

Hefty, pefty, rick-rack-rock,

one of you, one of you should take a walk.

Now, look, Dallas,

I can't blame you

for what you did yesterday.

I guess I really blew it, huh?

Blew? What about tornadoed?

Actually, I was thinking about this

as they were leading you out.

The expression on the judge's face.

She was obviously moved by your passion and fervor.

You think we still have a chance?

No.

You can't ignore the facts, Dallas.

The judge is a woman.

Carol is a woman.

You are not a woman, try as you may.

I call Jodie Dallas to the stand.

Here goes.

Might as well know, he's gonna be rough on you.

Don't worry, Mallu.

By this time, I think I'm immune.

Mr. Dallas, let me remind you, you're still under oath.

Are you the same Jodie Dallas

who lived with Dennis Phillips, the quarterback?

Just how many different men

have you lived with, Mr. Dallas?

Answer the question, please.

It's none of your business.

It is the business of this court, Mr. Dallas,

to ascertain whether your home environment

is conducive to raising a child.

It seems to me as if a decision has already been reached

regarding my environment.

Mr. Dallas, this court is not about to draw conclusions

until all facts are presented.

Let me add, you're not helping your case any

by not answering these questions.

Please proceed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Mr. Dallas, what do you do?

I direct commercials.

I mean with a man.

Oh, please.

Exactly what are the mechanics involved?

That's an insulting question.

Did you ever frequent a bar

known as Barney's?

Was that you?

Mr. Dallas, I don't have to remind you

that not answering the questions...

Is contempt. Fine.

Because I'm not about to be humiliated

and my lifestyle desecrated any more

by these examinations.

Now, I'm not gonna lose my temper.

I refuse to lose my self-respect,

so if you want to hold me in contempt,

that's fine.

I've proven... at least to myself,

what kind of father I am.

I've never exposed Wendy

to anything that was harmful

or unfavorable to her health,

either mentally or physically,

and whether Wendy lives with me or not,

at least she'll know that I've always wanted her,

and that I'll always be there for her,

and that's something no one can ever take away.

If you'll all excuse me, I'm going home.

Your Honor, I ask you to realize

the strain that my client has been under,

and not hold him in contempt.

Mr. Mallu, I make my decisions based on facts,

not personal emotion,

and may I say your client presented his case

more honestly and directly than you ever have.

We'll reconvene at 10:00 tomorrow morning,

at which time I will render my decision.

Court's adjourned.

I'm fine, thanks.

I'll have coffee, black...

with cream and sugar.

Light. No cream.

Ah, no thanks, nothing for me.

You seem a little on edge.

Not really.

It's just that I'm edgy.

I noticed that.

When I ate my tie?

It could happen to anybody.

Something is on your mind.

When you lean over, your tie goes in your soup,

the next thing you know, it's gone.

What is it?

It's...

Polly, this isn't working out.

Oh... so we're through,

is that what you're trying to tell me?

No, no, no.

What are you looking at?

Danny.

He was staring.

The man was staring at us.

I don't believe it.

They're staring.

What's the matter, sport?

You never seen an interracial couple

share a spinach salad before, huh?

He wasn't staring.

He was staring ever since I ate the tie.

Some people just have nothing better to do.

Danny, what's wrong?

I just can't live like this anymore.

Oh.

I mean, people either belong together

or they don't.

Yes, I agree.

If they belong together,

they know it...

Yes, they do.

And if they don't,

they shouldn't keep pretending that they do.

Right.

Okay, Charlie.

What's your problem?

What, you wanna watch?

Why don't you come on over and sit with us.

That way you won't have to squint, pear-head.

I wish I could.

Well, then, why don't you?

I'm blind.

Oh, my God.

Believe me, if I could stare,

I'd stare. What the hell?

It'd be worth a crack in the jaw.

I'm sorry.

I'm leaving the table now.

What are you yelling?

I'm not deaf.

Look...

what I'm trying to say is...

I know what you're trying to say, Danny.

This relationship isn't working out,

and you want to split up.

Oh, no.

No, Polly, no, that's...

What are you looking at?

You too...

and you.

All of you.

What the hell are you staring at?

Now, damn it,

I know that most of you are probably not blind.

Come on, give me a break, will you?

I mean, a guy's gonna spill the beans,

he brings his girl to a restaurant,

he looks tenderly into her eye,

he tells her he wants a commitment.

Then he reaches into his pocket, he pulls out a little box.

He opens the little box, he takes out a ring,

he says, "I love you. Will you marry me?"

She says "yes," hopefully,

and everything is fine, right?

No, you people blew it!

And just for that,

I'm gonna wait till I get home

to tell her.

What do you think of that?

You mean you actually want to marry me?

We'll discuss it later.

Oh, Danny.

Is that a yes?

I don't know.

Well, find out,

because if that's an I-don't-know,

I would love to see a yes.

I'd love to see anything.

This is a really big step, Danny.

I know.

You don't think you can handle all that's involved here,

do you?

No, I'm just not sure that you can.

So, what do we do?

I don't know.

I have to think.

I just don't know.

So long.

See you.

Oh, my God. I can't stand it.

Excuse me, please.

I'm trying to explain...

DUTCH: What are we going to do?

Oh, Saunders,

will you bang on a pot or something?

I beg your pardon.

Mr. Tate would like to speak with you.

Your mother wanted to send back this message to all of you.

If she sounds a little weak,

well, this is a very small microphone in here.

Here it goes.

JESSICA: Is it on?

Testing, one, two. Testing.

Is that me?

Do I actually sound like that?

Race car.

Hello, children.

Hi, Billy.

Hi, Ma.

Hi, Corinne.

Uh, hi, Ma.

Hi, Eunice.

Hi, Ma.

Welcome home, darling.

Thanks.

Hello, Saunders.

Madam.

Hi, Daddy.

I've got to hand it to you.

That's the most brilliant disguise

I've ever seen in my life.

I just want you all to know

that I've been thinking of you constantly,

and it's very lonely here without you.

Children, I'd just love to tell you

that everything is fine and that I'll be home soon,

but I'm afraid that would be fibbing,

so all I can tell you now is that,

well, I'm...

What's that? What's that?

The nurse just dropped hot coffee in my lap.

Ooh-eee.

Well... Anyway, children,

you take care of each other and help each other,

because you're the most important thing

in the world to me.

You people are what I'm most proud of

in this world,

so stick together and be strong for me.

Well, goodbye, and remember...

When I come home to you San Francisco

ALL:

Your golden sun Will shine for me

Bye.

I just want to die.

I just want to curl up someplace and die.

Why her?

Why Jessica?

Oh, God.

When she was a little baby,

she used to stand on my feet,

and I'd walk her around the room.

She used to call it dancing.

There ought to be a law.

Children can't go first.

It isn't fair.

She's still my little baby.

Would you care

for a cup of coffee, Mr. Tate?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Quite welcome.

This time, I'm gonna do it.

This time, I'm really gonna do it.

Leslie.

Say it fast, Billy.

I've got a date with destiny.

Leslie, when are you gonna stop this?

This... This is the big one.

Look, Leslie,

my mother's in the hospital fighting for her life.

Now, if you have no regard for yours,

then pull the trigger,

but do us a favor.

Do it somewhere else.

Just leave us alone.

You're right, Billy.

I can't kill myself.

It wouldn't solve anything.

It's just that I was just so crazy with grief,

I didn't want to live in the same world with you.

Yeah, I know.

And I still don't...

so I'm gonna kill you.

All right, so 1204, obscene behavior.

601, disturbing the peace.

That's a 1204, like, with no laughs.

Hey, Danny.

Hey, Burt.

Where is everybody?

Oh, your mother's at the hospital

visiting Aunt Jessica.

Oh, hey, Chuck and Bob,

they got a job down at the club.

No kidding. What, doing their ventriloquist act?

No, ballroom dancing.

Seriously?

Sheriff Campbell.

What? When?

A 508. We got a 508.

508?

All right, now, listen.

All right, I know it sounds bad.

It sounds really very bad here.

Now, listen to me.

You get Henley,

and you take Thacker and Sherman,

and I'll meet you there.

Don't... Just don't argue.

Just do what I'm telling you.

Burt, a 508 is a lost dog.

What?

A lost dog.

Why are you calling me about a lost dog?

My neighbor's dog? My neighbor's dog is lost.

Puffy's lost.

Thanks for calling.

Wait a minute.

How did you know what a 508 is?

I've been studying.

I know that book backwards and forwards.

I can do it, Burt.

I can be your deputy.

Danny.

Ask me something, Burt.

Ask me what's a 618. Danny, please.

A 618 is illegal entry. Ask me what a 412 is.

Go ahead. I don't care.

I don't know exactly what the wording is,

but it's hitting somebody over the head with something

when they don't want you to.

I can do it, Burt. I know I can do it.

Danny, please.

I can't just make you a deputy.

You gotta be trained.

I got ideas, Burt.

I got an idea right now

that could put an end to all 714s.

Why is he not listening to me? I know I'm speaking.

I recognize my voice.

Liquor store hold-ups, Burt.

I could put an end to liquor store hold-ups.

Yeah, sure.

Pass out free heroin.

No, no.

I did some research.

You know the old wing of our prison?

Well, they got a lot of empty cells

in that wing.

Now, what we do is we get all the merchants

to move all their liquor stores

into those cells,

and when somebody tries to rob them, we...

Close the cell door.

I told you that one already, didn't I?

No, I figured that all by myself, Danny.

I got a better idea.

Danny, please.

The dog, Puffy, go find him.

Don't bother me. Come on.

Electric money.

A guy tries to grab a roll of quarters...

Zzzzzz...

Danny, why don't you

roll up the front of your shirt

and stick it in your mouth.

Please, get away from me.

Go get the dog, all right?

Come on.

Sheriff Campbell?

Yes, sir.

May I come in?

Uh...

My name is Elmore Tibbs.

I just dropped by to congratulate you

on your victory over Sheriff Prentiss.

Oh, a supporter.

Sure, come on inside. This is my son, Danny, here.

How do you do?

Listen, can I get you a beer?

Oh, no thank you, I don't drink,

but I will have some cocoa.

Cocoa. Just... Just ran out.

Danny, get down to the store,

get us some more cocoa, all right?

No, please, it's quite all right.

I'm not going to stay long anyways.

Well, then, Mr. Tibbs, here.

Come on, have a seat.

This is really very nice of you.

So, now, come on, what can I do for you?

Well, as a businessman in the area,

I just want to wish you

a long and successful term of office.

Thank you. That's a very sweet guy.

Also, I have one small problem.

"Problem" is our middle initial.

Sheriff Campbell, after you were elected,

you had some of your men

hit some of the massage parlors in the area.

Now, we had a little arrangement with Sheriff Prentiss

stipulating he'd stay away.

Well, hey, don't worry.

I never go to those places.

I don't think you understand.

Yeah, yeah, we understand, pal.

Now, let me tell you something...

Danny, please, what?

Will you let me handle this now, all right?

Mr. Tibbs, let me set something straight here.

Now... Those aren't massage parlors.

I mean, nobody goes there to get a massage.

See, "massage" is a nice word so you can lay down and groan,

but the actual massage...

Burt...

I'm sure Mr. Tibbs

knows exactly what goes on there.

Oh, well, good, then you understand, then.

We're doing everything we can

to clean up this town, Mr. Tibbs,

and get rid of those places.

Now, it's been a pleasure meeting you.

I gotta get back on duty here.

Listen, next time you come,

you'll get yourself some cocoa.

You don't understand, Sheriff Campbell.

I own those parlors.

Well, have you been there lately?

Because it's really shocking.

Sheriff Campbell, you seem to me

like a very nice guy, you know.

You got a nice little house, handsome boy...

beautiful wife.

Is this a picture of your wife?

Yeah.

Really beautiful.

Sure would be a shame if something happened to her,

you know what I mean?

Why, you little...

Okay, Campbell, I'll be short.

You hit those clubs again, and I'm gonna hit you.

Let me tell you something, pal.

I'm sick and tired of driving out of my way

every night so I don't have to look

at that filth in your neighborhood.

You see, it's people like you

who have made this town embarrassing

to a lot of us.

So you take your two goons

and get the hell out of here,

or I'm gonna lock you up right now.

Okay, Campbell. Okay.

All right, Olaf,

get him over on the couch.

Julio, go down to the car.

Get the photographer and the girls.

Once Sheriff Campbell sees the pictures

and realizes we have the negatives,

I'm sure he'll do everything he can

to cooperate.

Let go of her hand, Mallu.

I'm her husband.

And a lousy one at that.

I can't.

I just can't deal with death.

Oh, I-I...

It's my turn to take her hand.

We're not taking turns, Mallu.

There are no turns. Give me her hand.

Get out of here, Tate. I'm not kidding.

And I call myself a psychiatrist.

That's a laugh.

I can't...

Who is he?

Who cares?

Drop the hand, Mallu.

Drop dead, Tate!

Boys, boys, now.

Boys, why don't you take turns?

Each one of you could have 10 minutes.

Of course, not knowing how much time I have left,

it might not end up fairly.

Give me that hand.

What's going on here?

Doctor... would you explain,

please, that I am her husband,

and, therefore, I am the one

that should be holding her hand.

Gentlemen.

Oh, Jessica, I can't stand it.

I'm so upset I can't concentrate.

I just left the operating room,

and I forgot to close up the patient.

What the hell is this?

I'm in love with her.

He's known her for two weeks,

and he's in love with her.

It could happen.

It happened in Dark Victory.

You've known her for two weeks.

I've known her for 30 years.

The hand is mine.

I get the hand.

I get it. I get it.

No.

I got it. I got it.

Jess?

Oh, Mary.

Mary gets the hand.

How you feeling?

I'm okay.

I'm a little tired.

Don't talk.

I have to talk, Mary.

I don't have much talking time left.

Jess...

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

There hasn't been a day in my life

you haven't been a part of.

All the years we were growing up,

and we shared a room.

We could have each had our own.

We've never been apart, Jess.

Except on our honeymoons,

and on your first one, I flew to Mexico to meet you.

Who am I gonna shop with, huh?

And laugh with and cry with.

And call first thing every morning.

Mary, do you remember it

when I went to sleep-away camp that year

when you didn't go because you had a broken leg,

and you carried on exactly the same way,

and you managed just fine

till you saw me in September.

Well, this is exactly the same thing.

You probably won't see me in September...

but someday we'll see each other.

Someday you'll come to heaven,

and when you do, we'll share a room.

I don't know how I'm gonna get through life

without my older sister.

Older sister?

I don't think I can do it.

Mary, you're the older sister.

Jess, I am not.

Mary, I'm one year younger than you.

Jessica, you are not.

You're one year older.

Younger.

This is silly.

Let's not argue now.

Okay, okay.

But I am younger.

Oh... Oh.

No, no, Mary. It's all right.

If it's that important to you,

you can be the younger one.

Jess, it's happening.

No, not yet.

I feel it.

Mary, I'm the one that's dying.

You can't feel it.

No. The baby.

I'm in labor.

Now?

Oh. Yeah.

Jess, what am I gonna do?

Get to a hospital!

I'm in a hospital.

Oh, right. Good.

Lie down.

Now, here.

Here. Come on.

Now, you can have the baby right here.

Mrs. Campbell, I think you better

get up to maternity.

I want to stay with my sister.

No, no, this is your third child.

It could come pretty quickly.

I better call an orderly.

I'm gonna have to go.

I know.

Will you...

When I...

Oh, Jess.

Oh, Mary, don't, don't.

My goodness, Mary.

We're having a baby.

Jess.

Right, Mrs. Campbell, please.

Easy does it, now.

I can't say...

goodbye.

You just wave to me, okay?

Love you.

No.

You have no right. You have no right.

I've known her for 30 years.

You have no right to try to get even time with her hand.

How do you deal with death?

Tell me, how do you do it?

I don't know.

You're a doctor!

We let the nurses do it.

Look, over there.

What?

Give the woman some air, for God's sake.

Benson.

BENSON: You're still around?

You're back.

Hello, Benson.

May I have a few minutes alone

with Benson?

Well...

So you got here.

Of course I got here.

I'm glad,

because, you see... I really missed you,

and if I had died, and I hadn't seen you,

then it would be really a long time

before I would see you,

but now, this way, since you got here,

and I've seen you,

it won't be such a long time till I see you.

I guess it never leaves you.

I still understand you when you talk.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

You were my best friend, Benson.

And you were the best person that's ever been in my life.

Really?

In spite of all the trouble I caused you.

What trouble?

Well, you know.

The way I used to mess things up,

and I got in jams, and...

You were always there to get me out.

I wish I could get you out of this one.

I'm afraid you can't this time, Benson.

You know, I keep thinking

that I should say something important.

I mean, after all, this is my deathbed...

But I don't have anything important to say.

You don't have to.

Your whole life's been important.

It's been a nice life.

I know.

I hate to leave it.

Benson, would you look in on them

from time to time?

Don't worry about a thing.

Benson...

you be happy.

Be happy.

You be happy, because...

that's all there really is.

No.

Jessica.

ANNOUNCER: Will Polly marry Danny?

Who will Dutch choose?

What will happen to Danny and Burt?

Will Leslie kill Billy?

Who will get custody of Wendy?

Will Mary have an alien baby?

Is Jessica dead?

These questions and many others

will be answered on the next episode of Soap.

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