All language subtitles for Soap s01e25.eng

ANNOUNCER:
In last week's episode of Soap,

Mary decided to try
to work things out with Burt,

even though he killed
her first husband.

Corinne decided to leave
her mother, Ingrid,

and return to her
other mother, Jessica.

Jodie slept with Carol,
even though he had decided not to,

leaving him somewhat undecided
about their relationship.

And the jury went out
to decide Jessica's fate.

Confused? You won't be
after this week's episode of Soap.

[

This is the story of two sisters:

Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.

These are the Tates.

And these are the Campbells.

And this is Soap.

[

You son of a... Go.

JESSICA:
Boys. Boys.

[

Oh, Burt, I thought
you were gonna set up the bar.

What are you doing?
Sitting.

I can see that, Burt.

Mary, I'm so depressed.

I mean, I've ruined
Danny's life.

Danny, you're not even
dressed yet.

I'm too depressed
to get dressed.

It was all I could do
to get out of bed.

My life is over.

It is not.
It is. It is.

I have to spend my life
married to Elaine.

When they get here,
I'm gonna tell Lefkowitz to shoot me.

That does it.
Ma.

Come on. Get dressed.
No.

They'll be here any minute.

Go on.

It's all my fault.
Everything. It's all my fault.

I mean, I pushed some
guy off a ledge and ruined everybody's life.

His, naturally.

Danny, because Danny
had to kill the man who killed his father, who's me.

And because he couldn't kill me,

he has to get married to
that terrible girl he doesn't love, or else they're gonna kill him.

And you.
Your husband gets killed

and you find out later on
you're married to his killer.

Should've let the guy kill me.
Everybody would've been better off.

Except me, of course,
because I'd be dead.

And me, because I love you.

You do?
I do.

But, Mary, I...
Shh.

Leave it alone.

Set up the bar.
Okay.

[GASPS]

Campbell.
What?

Campbell Campbell.
Campbell Campbell?

Yes, my cousin.
That's his name?

Yes, Campbell Campbell.

They made a mistake
on his birth certificate, they wrote Campbell twice.

And his parents thought
it was illegal to change a birth certificate.

So, pfft, they had to call him
Campbell Campbell.

Roots. I'm having
a killer to cocktails and you're doing roots.

Why didn't I think of him
before? Mary, he'll help.

He lives in Australia.
He's loaded.

Burt, later. We'll talk
about Australia later.

Danny. Danny.

Danny?
What?

I got it.
What?

You're going to Australia,
to my cousin.

You'll be safe there.
He lives way back in the bush country.

Nobody can find his place.

Australia?

Either that or you marry Elaine.

When do I leave?
First thing in the morning.

All right.
We're all set.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's them. It's them.

Okay. Everybody normal.
Act natural.

Be happy.
Smile.

I think we should open the door.

We're here.

Hi, Mom.

Hello.

Come on, please. Please.
Give us a break.

Daddy, this is Burt
and Mary Campbell.

This is my father,
Charles Lefkowitz.

I can see you.

Beg your pardon?

Well, aren't you the man
that clicks his tongue and makes himself invisible?

[CHUCKLES]

No. No. It's snapping
your fingers.

You think you're not here now?

Oh, I'm here. I'm cured.

Oh, wonderful. People drop
like flies from heart attacks,

but they've licked invisibility.

Hey, what is it with you
with tongues? Licking?

Why don't we all sit down
and have a drink?

Yeah. What'll you have,
a little Manischewitz?

Whatever.

Danny, sit.
You, sit, please.

I wanna make this brief.

Now, we're going to have
a very gorgeous wedding.

And I'm seeing about renting
Montavani and his orchestra.

Now, the wedding
is in three weeks.

So if you let me know
in the next few days

how many people
you'll be having, it would be helpful.

All right.
Don't forget Campbell Campbell.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Oh, hey, look. This is ripe enough to pick.

What's that?
That's my son, Chuck and Bob.

How do you do?
Boy, I love it.

He lives with a doll
and you're the one they put away.

Drill three holes in him
and I could bowl a perfect game.

Okay, boychick, I've had it.

Shut up,
or I sandpaper your face.

Yes, sir.
Get me out of here.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay.

Hi.
DANNY: Hey, Jodie.

Mr. Lefkowitz,
this is my brother Jodie.

Oh, the fagala.

Sit. We're about to discuss
the floral arrangements.

You'll be good at this.

Sorry. I can't. I have a date.
Carol?

Well, you're not a fagala?

I am.

You're both?

What do they call them,
"acey-ducey"?

I think that's worse.

Well, I gotta go.
Have a nice night.

Nice seeing you again.

Okay. I want a few words
with Danny, alone.

Come, Burt.
We'll show Elaine the yard.

Yard? I don't
wanna see a yard.

Shut up.
You'll go look at a yard.

Danny, I know what
you're thinking.

No, no. You don't know.

Please, I do know.

You don't know how you're
going to marry such a rotten, disgusting pig like Elaine.

You know.

Hey, I was married
to her mother.

And you're also probably
thinking of running away.

Oh, Mr. Lefkowitz,
please.

Well, good.

Because if you did run away
and I couldn't find you to kill you,

I'd kill your family.

Bring Elaine home early.

See you at the wedding.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Come on, get packed.
I'll call Qantas.

Burt, Burt, I can't go.

What?

Lefkowitz just
told me if I run away, he'll kill all of you.

What am I gonna do?

[

Leave it to me
to fall in love with a priest.

And now I just know
he's coming over here

to tell me he's not
gonna see me again.

Well, at least
if you've lost him, you've lost him to God.

I lost Walter to Marilyn.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Corinne, Father Flotsky's here.

Ooh, tell him to come up.

Here?
Yeah.

This is a bedroom.

So?

So? So your pantyhose
are on the floor.

Send him up.

Well, okay.

Good luck, sweetie.
Oh, don't leave.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

If you're here,
he won't say anything bad.

If you're here, he won't say
anything. You better go.

No, stay.
I can't hear it alone.

Okay. Corinne.

And don't laugh.
No.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi, Corinne.

[LAUGHING]

Hi, Eunice.
Hi, Tim.

How are you?

Her boyfriend left her.

Eunice.

I'm sorry.

I can't stand it.

You're not gonna see
me anymore, are you?

What are you talking about?
Of course I'm gonna see you again.

You are?
Sure.

Oh, Tim.

Hey, are priests
allowed to do that?

EUNICE:
Come on.

Corinne, I've made a decision.

I've decided to leave
the priesthood.

You have?

Yes, and I want to be with you.

Oh.

What's wrong? I thought
that would please you.

I'm scared.

What if this doesn't work out?

Corinne, I just didn't
have the calling.

My superiors agree.
My mother didn't, but they do.

I'm not leaving the priesthood
because of you.

I'm leaving because of me.

Oh.

Oh, Tim.

I love you.

I love you and I want you.

You've got me, Corinne.
You know what I mean.

No. Corinne,
after we're married.

You're asking me to marry you?

No.

I've gone to my superiors
and asked to be released from my vows because I wanna go steady.

You want to marry me?

Yeah. I want you to think about it.

And we have to wait
until we're married to...

Oh, Corinne, please.
Give me a break.

This is not nothing I'm doing.

All right. All right.
We'll wait.

No lovemaking
until we're married.

Good.

So, what about petting?
Oh, Corinne.

Necking?
Come on, Corinne.

Okay. Can I hold your hand?

[

Jodie, why can't
we live together?

Carol, I'm gay.

Listen, the other night was nice.
It really was and I've told you that.

But I'm still gay.

Hey, listen, occasionally,
I'll have a burrito.

I'm not Mexican.

Okay. Okay.
So you're gay.

We can still live together.
Carol, come on.

And yow can you be
so sure you're still gay?

I didn't hear you screaming
"rape" the other night.

Look, I know, okay?

We walked in here tonight,
I did not look at the hatcheck girl.

I looked at the ma?tre d'.

Oh. Well, we can still
live together as friends. We'll have an arrangement.

Carol, no.

Why not?

Because I don't trust you.

Come on.

Carol, you said we'd just
go away as friends, remember?

Then you said, "Oh, we'll just
go to sleep." Remember?

The next morning, I woke up,

I felt like Scarlett O'Hara
after Rhett Butler carried her upstairs.

That will never happen again.

We'll get a big place,
we'll both have our own rooms...

You have expectations.

I do not.

Oh, yes, you do.
No, Jodie, really.

I just want to be with you.

I love you.

And you said you loved me.

I do, but as a friend.

Well, then we should
be together as friends.

Hey, you can always
lock your door.

Get a German shepherd
to stand guard.

Okay, then.

Okay?
Yeah.

We can? Really?
Yeah, but I get to name the dog.

Excuse me. Jodie?

Dennis.

I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

No. No, not at all.

Carol, this is Dennis Phillips.
Remember I told you...

I know. I know.

Dennis, this is Carol David.

Hi.
Hi.

Listen, you mind if
I join you for a drink?

No, have a seat.

So how's your wife?

It didn't work out.
She left me.

Oh, what happened?

The quarterback couldn't
complete the pass?

Excuse me.

I have to go to the powder room.

I'll be back.

So you're separated.

What happened?
It was a disaster.

Why didn't you call?

I figured you'd be furious.

You were just afraid I'd say,
"I told you so."

You wouldn't have said that.

Oh, yes, I would.

Listen, Jodie,
I made a terrible mistake.

And I'm sorry.

You can laugh at me
and tell me to get lost, but I've gotta say it.

I love you and I want you back.

Well, I'm back.

Powder room's free.

[

[

What are you doing?

I'm cooking breakfast.

Out.

No, no. Now, Benson,
I want to cook breakfast,

and I want you to eat
with us and not serve.

What are you talking about?

We're all going
to have breakfast together this morning.

Like one big happy family.

Is Mr. Tate gonna be there?
Yes.

I don't wanna eat with you.

Now, Benson,

they said that the jury
might come in this morning.

And, well, of course,
I know I'm not gonna be found guilty, because I'm innocent.

But just in case, I want
to cook one more meal.

I want to cook it and I
want you to eat with us.

Please?

Well, just this once.

Morning, Mom.
JESSICA: Morning, darling.

Benson.
Hi, Billy.

I'm fixing one of your favourite
breakfasts this morning.

What's that?
Waffles.

It's not one of my favourites.
I could have sworn it was.

What is that
you're eating, Billy?

A frozen Snickers.
That's one of my favourites.

Put that thing away.
You go upstairs and get dressed, hm?

Breakfast will be ready
when you're finished.

Okay, Mom.

Benson?
Mm-hm.

If something should...
Don't worry.

I'll take care of him just fine.

Besides, nothing's
gonna happen to you.

Yep.
JESSICA: Morning, Daddy.

I've got it. I've got a plan that
will work and free you this time.

The trouble before was
I didn't have air support.

Come on, Major,
let's get you out of them fatigues,

and get you into some parade dress.
Oh, I love a parade.

Morning, darling. How's your cold?
Better.

Did you sleep well?
Fine.

You?
Fine.

I'm making waffles.
I see.

I love waffles.

So do I.

I knew somebody in this
house liked waffles.

Waffles. I even
love the name.

When I was little,
I used to love

to put things inside
of each little waffle compartment.

You know, like a button in one,
a piece of jewellery in another.

When I was little, I used
to drive my mother crazy.

Oh, Chester. I'm so scared.

It just all suddenly hit me.

It suddenly hit me
what could happen.

And I'm so scared.

[

Nothing's going to happen, Jess.

I promise. I won't let it.

I love you far too much
to let anything happen to you.

Oh, Chester.

I cannot stand this waiting.

Why, Mr. Mallu, you've been
through this so many times,

I should think you'd
be used to it by now.

This is different.
How so?

Because this time,
I'm in love with the defendant.

Ah.

Mr. Mallu,

I am the defendant.

At first, I thought
you were a lunatic.

And then as I got to know you,

I thought you were
the most outrageous,

impossible woman I'd ever met.

Now I find you the most
original and delightful.

I can see right through you.

You're just saying that
to divert my attention

so I won't worry about
the verdict.

I bet you say that to all your clients.
I don't.

Well, of course, you don't
say it to your male clients.

Although it would certainly
divert their attention.

If they find you guilty
and put you away, I don't know what I'll do.

And if they find you innocent,
you won't need me anymore.

Jessica? I'm in love
with you.

Oh! Chester.

One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.

Chester, we're learning
the Hustle.

That's it. That's it.
Loosen up.

Come on, Chester. Come on.
Don't be a stick in the hay.

Watch Mr. Mallu.

Come on. We're dancing
our troubles away.

One, two, three, four.
The Hustle.

A one, two, three, four.
The Hustle.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Miss Knight, if you and the Pips
are ready, the jury's coming in.

Hustle... Ah!

Oh, Jess.
Mary.

Jessie...

Well, what's the matter, Mary?

Mary?

I think she's trying not to cry.
Why?

Because her mascara will run
and she'll look like a raccoon.

Why is she trying not to cry?

Mary, you keep that up,
you're gonna get the hiccups.

You see, she gulps a lot of air.

The last time,
she hiccupped for eight hours.

Mary, why are you crying,
or not crying?

She's worried about
the verdict, Aunt Jessica.

Is that it, Mary? Is it?
Yes.

Oh, silly Mary.

Silly, silly Mary.
Come on.

Sit down.
Everybody sit down.

Mary, listen.
You listen to me.

I made an appointment
to have my teeth cleaned tomorrow.

Now, do you think that
I would actually do that if I were gonna be found guilty?

No. No.
So you cheer up, huh?

[HICCUPPING]

Everything's going to be fine.

[WHISPERS] Jessica.

Oh, Burt.
What?

They're not smiling.
Who?

The jury.

Oh, now, Mary,
juries never smile.

Juries and gamblers,
they gotta keep straight faces.

No, really. They test them
before they allow them to serve.

They tickle them. If they
laugh, pfft, they're out.

What do you think, Daddy?

I think if this isn't over soon,
I'm going to throw up.

The court is now in session.

Judge Anthony Petrillo presiding.
Everybody please rise.

All right. Be seated.

Will the defendant please
rise and face the jury?

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Yes, Your Honour.
It has.

Tinkler.

Will the foreman please
read the verdict?

Your Honour, the jury finds
the defendant, Jessica Tate,

guilty as charged of murder
in the first degree.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

No, I'm innocent.

[

I'm innocent.

[GAVEL BANGING]

Jessica Tate, you've been found
guilty by a jury of your peers.

You will be remanded in custody

until I pronounce
sentence upon you.

I... I'm innocent.

ANNOUNCER:
Jessica Tate did not kill Peter Campbell.

One of these five people did.

JESSICA:
I'm innocent.

ANNOUNCER:
Who killed Peter Campbell?

Soap was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.

[

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