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1
00:00:02,876 --> 00:00:04,042
I just want to tell you, Johnny,
2
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,194
straight out of the gate,
3
00:00:05,295 --> 00:00:06,962
that I'm honored that you even thought
4
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,046
to invite me to the barbecue.
5
00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:09,715
So, thank you.
6
00:00:09,833 --> 00:00:11,834
Everyone from work's invited, Brian.
7
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,418
And my dad and most of Theresa's family.
8
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:15,254
And... and I know that
you're gonna be juggling
9
00:00:15,338 --> 00:00:16,255
a lot of plates,
10
00:00:16,339 --> 00:00:17,422
and I don't want to add one more
11
00:00:17,557 --> 00:00:19,007
scintilla of stress to the situation.
12
00:00:19,142 --> 00:00:20,008
Scintilla?
13
00:00:20,143 --> 00:00:21,727
What are you... Spit it out.
14
00:00:21,845 --> 00:00:22,728
Can I bring Gabby?
15
00:00:22,846 --> 00:00:24,229
Of course you can.
16
00:00:24,347 --> 00:00:25,514
The more, the merrier.
17
00:00:25,682 --> 00:00:26,815
I'm busting out my new grill
18
00:00:26,933 --> 00:00:28,851
that my dad got us as a housewarming gift.
19
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:29,902
- It arrived?
- Yesterday.
20
00:00:30,019 --> 00:00:31,186
It's huge.
21
00:00:31,321 --> 00:00:32,187
It's like the biggest grill I've ever seen.
22
00:00:32,322 --> 00:00:33,272
[Laughs] Look at you.
23
00:00:33,356 --> 00:00:34,439
Lit up like a kid on Christmas.
24
00:00:34,574 --> 00:00:36,024
[Laughs] Honestly, I can't stop smiling.
25
00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:37,242
My cheeks hurt.
26
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,443
That's now happy I am about this grill.
27
00:00:38,528 --> 00:00:39,862
[Laughs]
28
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:41,864
Chicago north, multiple ambulances needed,
29
00:00:42,031 --> 00:00:42,865
Clark and Addison.
30
00:00:43,032 --> 00:00:44,333
Ugh, Wrigleyville.
31
00:00:44,417 --> 00:00:45,868
- Cubs and Sox.
- [Siren wails]
32
00:00:45,952 --> 00:00:47,419
Ambulance 14 responding.
33
00:00:47,537 --> 00:00:48,420
You know who won?
34
00:00:48,538 --> 00:00:49,671
It doesn't matter.
35
00:00:49,789 --> 00:00:50,956
It's gonna be a group
of happy drunk assholes
36
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:52,958
pissing off a group
of unhappy drunk assholes.
37
00:00:54,377 --> 00:00:55,210
Cubs 4 to 3.
38
00:00:55,378 --> 00:00:57,212
Oh, there we go.
39
00:00:57,297 --> 00:00:58,213
Whoo!
40
00:00:58,298 --> 00:00:59,214
[Crowd cheering]
41
00:00:59,349 --> 00:01:02,017
Yeah, whoo, guys, whoo.
42
00:01:02,135 --> 00:01:03,602
Oh, yeah, ambulance.
43
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,603
Ambulance. Yeah, hey.
44
00:01:04,721 --> 00:01:05,604
Yes, ha, ha!
45
00:01:05,722 --> 00:01:06,605
Hi.
46
00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:09,107
Big red box. Big red box.
47
00:01:09,225 --> 00:01:10,142
Oh, man.
48
00:01:10,276 --> 00:01:11,393
Oh, this is gonna be a lot of fun.
49
00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:12,394
Yeah, isn't it?
50
00:01:12,478 --> 00:01:13,862
[Crowd cheering]
51
00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:15,731
How bad they get this time, Andy?
52
00:01:15,865 --> 00:01:16,732
Ah, pretty light.
53
00:01:16,866 --> 00:01:17,900
Both teams sucked this season.
54
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:20,235
So might be five or six busted-up hands,
55
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:22,404
three concussions, a broken nose or two.
56
00:01:22,538 --> 00:01:23,622
We only got a few ambos,
57
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:24,740
so you might be hauling a full boat.
58
00:01:24,824 --> 00:01:26,408
- Okay.
- Screw the Cubs.
59
00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:27,409
White Sox stink.
60
00:01:27,577 --> 00:01:28,660
[Air hisses]
61
00:01:28,795 --> 00:01:31,330
Get the hell out of here.
62
00:01:31,464 --> 00:01:33,131
It's nice to see traditions
63
00:01:33,249 --> 00:01:35,083
being handed down to the next generation.
64
00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:37,636
Yeah, I love this town.
65
00:01:37,754 --> 00:01:39,254
[Laughs]
66
00:01:39,389 --> 00:01:42,257
[Hip-hop music]
67
00:01:42,425 --> 00:01:50,265
68
00:01:58,228 --> 00:02:02,331
Sync & Corrections by Darcade
- Addic7ed.com -
69
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:04,129
Do you have to be drunk
to enter the stadium?
70
00:02:04,297 --> 00:02:06,632
Cubs are a goddamn
embarrassment to this city.
71
00:02:06,716 --> 00:02:08,300
Okay, fellas, let's keep it breezy.
72
00:02:08,468 --> 00:02:09,518
We're an embarrassment?
73
00:02:09,636 --> 00:02:11,303
Are you so concussed
that you can't remember
74
00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:14,856
that your team intentionally
threw a world series for money?
75
00:02:14,974 --> 00:02:16,058
Come on, guys, give it a rest.
76
00:02:16,192 --> 00:02:18,777
Last time you won, 106 years ago.
77
00:02:18,895 --> 00:02:20,062
Think about that.
78
00:02:20,196 --> 00:02:22,197
The last time the Cubs
won the world series,
79
00:02:22,315 --> 00:02:24,816
our army still rode horses into battle.
80
00:02:24,951 --> 00:02:26,151
Enough.
81
00:02:26,286 --> 00:02:27,653
Though, sadly, it's true.
82
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:29,905
Also, Wrigley's a very effeminate ballpark.
83
00:02:30,039 --> 00:02:31,540
Okay, now I know his brain is bruised,
84
00:02:31,658 --> 00:02:33,492
because Wrigley is an American classic.
85
00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:35,160
All that girly Ivy on the walls?
86
00:02:35,295 --> 00:02:37,296
Why don't you just hang
some plants in the dugout,
87
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:38,830
paint the infield dirt fuchsia,
88
00:02:38,965 --> 00:02:40,332
and complete the whole
chick apartment experience?
89
00:02:40,466 --> 00:02:41,667
Hey, I'm gonna pull this rig over
90
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,001
if you two don't shut up.
91
00:02:43,086 --> 00:02:44,002
He started it.
92
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:45,003
He really did, John.
93
00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:46,171
- Hey.
- [Both grunt]
94
00:02:46,255 --> 00:02:47,673
Shit.
95
00:02:47,807 --> 00:02:48,757
Even their fans can't hit
what they're swinging at.
96
00:02:48,891 --> 00:02:50,058
Yeah, funny, funny.
97
00:02:50,176 --> 00:02:51,760
You know what I like about cellular park?
98
00:02:51,844 --> 00:02:53,095
Nothing.
99
00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:54,980
At least we don't hand out
tissues on the way out.
100
00:02:55,114 --> 00:02:56,948
I really don't get
why people need to fight.
101
00:02:57,016 --> 00:02:58,850
We're all part of the same team,
102
00:02:59,018 --> 00:03:00,102
the city of Chicago,
103
00:03:00,236 --> 00:03:01,903
which is part of a larger team
104
00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:03,855
known as the United States of America,
105
00:03:04,023 --> 00:03:06,191
which is just one part of team earth,
106
00:03:06,326 --> 00:03:07,492
and beyond that,
107
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:08,860
you have the intergalactic
federation of planets,
108
00:03:08,995 --> 00:03:11,196
even though there's currently
no proof that it exists.
109
00:03:11,364 --> 00:03:13,999
There is if you read
the right publications.
110
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:15,450
We'll sidebar about this later.
111
00:03:15,585 --> 00:03:18,453
It's in our nature to find
differences in each other.
112
00:03:18,588 --> 00:03:20,172
It's how we define ourselves.
113
00:03:20,289 --> 00:03:21,957
There's no us without a them,
114
00:03:22,091 --> 00:03:24,176
black, white; Northside, Southside;
115
00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:25,711
rich, poor; fat, skinny.
116
00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:28,046
Personally, I find
the whole thing exhausting.
117
00:03:28,181 --> 00:03:29,348
At this point in my life,
118
00:03:29,465 --> 00:03:31,516
I've divided the world into two groups:
119
00:03:31,601 --> 00:03:34,720
People who fish and fish.
120
00:03:34,887 --> 00:03:35,804
[Chuckles]
121
00:03:35,888 --> 00:03:37,806
Brian, people will fight about anything.
122
00:03:37,940 --> 00:03:39,558
The only way people ever come together
123
00:03:39,726 --> 00:03:42,060
is when they find a common enemy.
124
00:03:42,145 --> 00:03:44,196
I used to work in this
warehouse when I was in college.
125
00:03:44,313 --> 00:03:47,315
Everyone in shipping hated
everyone in receiving,
126
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:49,735
and the only thing they could all agree on
127
00:03:49,869 --> 00:03:51,890
was everyone in sales was an asshole.
128
00:03:51,891 --> 00:03:52,492
Well, they are,
129
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:53,777
because they think that whatever they want,
130
00:03:53,778 --> 00:03:55,741
it can just magically appear
whenever they want it,
131
00:03:55,908 --> 00:03:58,493
even if it's been backordered
for three doggone months.
132
00:03:58,628 --> 00:03:59,828
Did you work in shipping, Brian?
133
00:03:59,962 --> 00:04:01,129
Auto parts.
134
00:04:01,247 --> 00:04:02,714
A lot of our stuff had to come
all the way from Japan.
135
00:04:02,799 --> 00:04:04,466
Well, you're gonna see
a classic "us versus them" thing
136
00:04:04,584 --> 00:04:06,001
in action at my barbecue this weekend.
137
00:04:06,085 --> 00:04:07,669
My dad's gonna be there and Theresa's dad,
138
00:04:07,804 --> 00:04:08,970
a fireman and a cop.
139
00:04:09,088 --> 00:04:10,672
It's gonna be a constant fight
all day long.
140
00:04:10,757 --> 00:04:13,225
That shit is ancient, tribal,
141
00:04:13,342 --> 00:04:14,810
which makes no goddamn sense,
142
00:04:14,927 --> 00:04:17,229
since 80% of both of those crews are Irish.
143
00:04:17,346 --> 00:04:19,181
And as we all know,
the Irish have never found
144
00:04:19,315 --> 00:04:20,766
a single thing to fight each other over.
145
00:04:20,850 --> 00:04:23,151
Are there any subjects
we should stay clear of?
146
00:04:23,269 --> 00:04:24,152
All of them.
147
00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:25,604
Men sitting around a fire,
148
00:04:25,738 --> 00:04:27,606
stoking big embers of hatred,
149
00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:30,776
their darkest natures on full display.
150
00:04:30,943 --> 00:04:32,110
I get it if you don't want to come.
151
00:04:32,278 --> 00:04:33,111
Are you kidding me?
152
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,447
I'm gonna be there early.
153
00:04:35,581 --> 00:04:37,332
Gracias, papi.
154
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:40,118
Yo, T, your dad is super
excited about the barbecue.
155
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:41,620
It's, like, all he can think about.
156
00:04:41,788 --> 00:04:43,338
- Really?
- Mm.
157
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:44,339
You talked to my dad?
158
00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:45,373
No, he texted me.
159
00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:46,875
You text with my dad?
160
00:04:47,009 --> 00:04:48,126
You don't?
161
00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:49,294
No, I didn't even know he could text.
162
00:04:49,462 --> 00:04:50,629
Yeah, I taught him.
163
00:04:50,713 --> 00:04:52,130
It wasn't easy, though.
He's got big fingers.
164
00:04:52,265 --> 00:04:53,965
I've been trying to get my dad
to text for years.
165
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:55,634
Oh, yeah, taught him at the bowling alley.
166
00:04:55,718 --> 00:04:56,802
- You bowl with him too?
- Yeah.
167
00:04:56,969 --> 00:04:58,053
- He's the captain of our team.
- [Laughs]
168
00:04:58,187 --> 00:04:59,971
And I was like, "Jerr, you ain't getting
169
00:05:00,106 --> 00:05:01,306
"no frozen yogurt afterwards
170
00:05:01,441 --> 00:05:04,693
until you send me
five perfect texts, no typos."
171
00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:05,694
He did it, T.
172
00:05:05,812 --> 00:05:06,812
I was so proud of him.
173
00:05:06,979 --> 00:05:09,698
We got three flavors of froyo that night.
174
00:05:11,617 --> 00:05:13,819
Honestly, one of the best parts
about dating Maeve
175
00:05:13,953 --> 00:05:15,203
is getting to know your father.
176
00:05:15,321 --> 00:05:16,738
I think he might be like my best friend.
177
00:05:16,873 --> 00:05:19,157
I haven't had a best friend in a long time.
178
00:05:19,292 --> 00:05:22,577
[Engine turns over]
179
00:05:22,712 --> 00:05:23,712
I don't understand.
180
00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:25,046
He doesn't like anyone.
181
00:05:25,164 --> 00:05:27,582
In fact, he pretty much hates everyone.
182
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,968
Oh, T, hate is a strong word.
183
00:05:30,052 --> 00:05:31,303
Jerr don't hate anybody.
184
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:32,304
He's a Teddy bear.
185
00:05:32,421 --> 00:05:34,339
In fact, I call him Jerr-bear.
186
00:05:34,507 --> 00:05:35,474
He loves it.
187
00:05:35,558 --> 00:05:36,475
He calls me Billy-goat.
188
00:05:36,592 --> 00:05:37,476
[Cell phone dings]
189
00:05:37,593 --> 00:05:38,477
Hmm.
190
00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:40,228
Ooh, guess who.
191
00:05:40,346 --> 00:05:41,229
Jerr-bear?
192
00:05:41,347 --> 00:05:42,514
Nah, it's my cousin Bebo.
193
00:05:42,682 --> 00:05:44,983
He wants to hang out later, play some Xbox.
194
00:05:47,134 --> 00:05:50,019
[Overlapping chatter]
195
00:05:57,109 --> 00:05:58,309
- How's it going?
- Hey.
196
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,863
This grill is amazing.
197
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:02,782
I think I'm gonna cook
all of our meals on this thing,
198
00:06:02,899 --> 00:06:03,983
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
199
00:06:04,117 --> 00:06:05,284
You're gonna make breakfast on there.
200
00:06:05,402 --> 00:06:06,452
I'm telling you,
this thing can do anything.
201
00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:08,070
It might have satellite capabilities.
202
00:06:08,205 --> 00:06:09,572
I haven't read the entire manual yet.
203
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,323
Well, if it's gonna make our dads
204
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,075
drop their stupid beef with each other,
205
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,460
I will definitely be impressed.
206
00:06:14,578 --> 00:06:16,295
- This thing's great at beef.
- No, I'm serious.
207
00:06:16,413 --> 00:06:17,546
They have to drop their shit;
It's exhausting.
208
00:06:17,631 --> 00:06:18,631
They're not young men.
209
00:06:18,749 --> 00:06:19,632
I don't see them changing.
210
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:20,750
- Hey, kids.
- Hey.
211
00:06:20,884 --> 00:06:22,551
- Hey, Frank.
- Some machine, huh?
212
00:06:22,669 --> 00:06:24,837
Oh, my God, it's even better
than the catalog.
213
00:06:24,971 --> 00:06:26,922
- Everything smells delicious.
- Yeah.
214
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:28,174
Here, let me help you with that.
215
00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:29,175
Okay, ah.
216
00:06:29,309 --> 00:06:30,643
Just a couple rules, Dad.
217
00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:32,845
I'm running the show here.
218
00:06:32,979 --> 00:06:34,513
This entire area is mine.
219
00:06:34,648 --> 00:06:35,514
Understood, I got it.
220
00:06:35,599 --> 00:06:37,099
- Okay.
- [Clears throat]
221
00:06:37,184 --> 00:06:38,234
What?
222
00:06:38,351 --> 00:06:39,568
Oh, and I'm gonna need you to put in
223
00:06:39,686 --> 00:06:41,020
a little extra effort
with Theresa's dad today.
224
00:06:41,154 --> 00:06:43,189
Oh, he's coming? That piece of...
225
00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:44,190
Dad.
226
00:06:44,324 --> 00:06:45,191
Oh, sorry, Theresa.
227
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:46,192
No offense.
228
00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:47,610
No, here's the deal, okay?
229
00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:48,611
You guys have to put an end
230
00:06:48,779 --> 00:06:50,746
to this cop-fireman bullshit today
231
00:06:50,864 --> 00:06:52,281
and be civilized human beings.
232
00:06:52,415 --> 00:06:53,449
Do you understand?
233
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:56,952
You just keep me fed, I'll be a good boy.
234
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,037
All right, here's my dad.
235
00:06:58,121 --> 00:06:59,588
- I'm telling him the same thing.
- Okay.
236
00:06:59,673 --> 00:07:00,589
- John.
- Okay.
237
00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:03,509
God, did he get shorter?
238
00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:05,628
Cops often shrink under
the weight of their own guilt.
239
00:07:05,796 --> 00:07:06,962
- It's a proven fact.
- Come on, man.
240
00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:08,597
I'm not gonna start anything.
241
00:07:08,715 --> 00:07:09,882
I'm just here for a couple beers,
242
00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:11,934
couple burgers, couple laughs.
243
00:07:12,052 --> 00:07:14,186
Look at him backing his way over here.
244
00:07:14,304 --> 00:07:15,437
What?
245
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,856
He can't wait
to poke his nose in this grill
246
00:07:16,973 --> 00:07:17,890
and start yapping.
247
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:20,142
Cops, they're all the same.
248
00:07:20,277 --> 00:07:21,443
Nosy bastards.
249
00:07:21,561 --> 00:07:24,063
Look at him, trying
to sneak his way over here.
250
00:07:24,197 --> 00:07:26,448
Look, I'm gonna need you
to be the bigger person today.
251
00:07:26,566 --> 00:07:27,817
That won't be hard.
252
00:07:27,901 --> 00:07:29,034
[Laughs]
253
00:07:29,152 --> 00:07:30,953
That's one of the laughs
I was telling you about.
254
00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,154
Real funny.
255
00:07:32,322 --> 00:07:33,405
I thought I smelled gas.
256
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,406
- Hey.
- Here we go.
257
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,408
Seriously? A gas grill?
258
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,994
Hello, my good man.
259
00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:40,546
What the hell is wrong with you?
260
00:07:41,665 --> 00:07:42,998
Shit.
261
00:07:46,503 --> 00:07:48,087
Mac, what the hell is that?
262
00:07:48,221 --> 00:07:49,505
Special kind of hurricane.
263
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:52,424
I got the recipe when I was
tending bar in New Orleans.
264
00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,510
Locals used to dump it on graves,
265
00:07:54,644 --> 00:07:56,345
keep the evil away.
266
00:07:56,479 --> 00:07:58,764
How come you didn't bring
hot Doug... I mean Doug?
267
00:07:58,899 --> 00:07:59,765
We broke up.
268
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:00,850
Turns out it's really hard
269
00:08:01,017 --> 00:08:02,401
to maintain the intensity that you get
270
00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:04,186
with Internet communication.
271
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:06,071
You wouldn't know
what I'm talking about there.
272
00:08:06,189 --> 00:08:08,157
- It's a whole new thing.
- Actually, I would.
273
00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:10,993
I was snooping around one time on a website
274
00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:14,029
dedicated to smallmouth bass
and other lake fish.
275
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:17,249
Next thing I know,
I'm in a heated email exchange
276
00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:18,784
with a woman named Shelley.
277
00:08:18,919 --> 00:08:22,204
Started off debating
over live bait and lures
278
00:08:22,372 --> 00:08:25,374
and ended up with
an intense declaration of love.
279
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:26,926
Turns out Shelley was a dude, huh?
280
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:27,927
Yep.
281
00:08:28,044 --> 00:08:30,379
Got catfished on a fishing site.
282
00:08:30,513 --> 00:08:31,380
[Laughs]
283
00:08:31,514 --> 00:08:33,549
I ain't judging nobody.
284
00:08:33,633 --> 00:08:36,635
Oh, Brian and Gabby are here.
285
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:37,720
Oh, good.
286
00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:38,804
Good.
287
00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:39,805
That Gabby.
288
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,473
- What a smile, right?
- Yeah.
289
00:08:41,558 --> 00:08:44,276
Sure lights up a room, or a backyard.
290
00:08:44,394 --> 00:08:46,562
Lights up a whole backyard.
291
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:49,865
[Upbeat music]
292
00:08:49,983 --> 00:08:51,150
293
00:08:51,234 --> 00:08:53,619
Honey, you might want to start
with a smaller cup.
294
00:08:54,988 --> 00:08:56,572
I'm fine, you guys.
295
00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:57,573
Uh-huh.
296
00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,292
Damn.
297
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,162
Somebody's dancing with the hurricane.
298
00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:04,380
Hey, Voo.
299
00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:05,381
Where's Doug?
300
00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:06,382
We broke up.
301
00:09:06,499 --> 00:09:07,750
Hey, Gabby.
302
00:09:07,884 --> 00:09:09,218
That's a cute top.
303
00:09:09,302 --> 00:09:10,419
I don't think I've ever seen you
304
00:09:10,553 --> 00:09:11,587
out of your nurse's uniform.
305
00:09:11,721 --> 00:09:12,721
You look good.
306
00:09:17,844 --> 00:09:19,261
These are awesome.
307
00:09:19,396 --> 00:09:21,180
You should go get some.
308
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:22,348
Maybe share one.
309
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,854
Hank.
310
00:09:28,989 --> 00:09:30,155
I need your help.
311
00:09:30,273 --> 00:09:31,190
With what?
312
00:09:31,324 --> 00:09:33,359
I need you to tell me something.
313
00:09:33,443 --> 00:09:34,443
Okay.
314
00:09:34,611 --> 00:09:36,829
Do you think my son Carter is a gay?
315
00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:38,497
How would I know that, Bridget?
316
00:09:38,615 --> 00:09:39,581
Just listen.
317
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,166
He's in the high school theater program.
318
00:09:41,284 --> 00:09:42,868
- He doesn't like sports.
- Okay.
319
00:09:43,003 --> 00:09:44,336
He has a high-pitched laugh.
320
00:09:44,454 --> 00:09:45,337
I think he's gay,
321
00:09:45,455 --> 00:09:47,423
but I wanted a professional opinion.
322
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:50,709
I'm not getting a gay vibe from him.
323
00:09:50,844 --> 00:09:51,844
I don't think he is.
324
00:09:51,962 --> 00:09:53,929
Statistically speaking, he should be.
325
00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:56,598
They say that one
out of every ten people is gay.
326
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,133
Now, my other nine kids are straight,
327
00:09:58,301 --> 00:09:59,768
so that leaves just Carter.
328
00:09:59,886 --> 00:10:01,387
That's not exactly how it works,
329
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:04,056
and having stereotypically gay interests
330
00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:05,107
doesn't make him gay.
331
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:06,308
Can you be a dear
332
00:10:06,393 --> 00:10:07,860
and investigate for me?
333
00:10:07,978 --> 00:10:09,561
You know, you could just ask him yourself,
334
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:10,980
considering he is your son and all.
335
00:10:11,114 --> 00:10:13,649
I've told Carter it's okay if he's gay.
336
00:10:13,817 --> 00:10:15,034
The new priest at our church
337
00:10:15,151 --> 00:10:16,702
is accepting of alternative lifestyles.
338
00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:18,070
Uh-huh.
339
00:10:18,154 --> 00:10:19,822
My friend Maura's son
came out of the closet
340
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,324
and got a standing ovation
at the 10:30 Mass,
341
00:10:22,459 --> 00:10:24,243
and that is the Mass.
342
00:10:24,377 --> 00:10:25,794
Oh, if only he could come out then.
343
00:10:25,912 --> 00:10:27,329
But listen to me go on and on.
344
00:10:27,497 --> 00:10:28,630
This isn't about me.
345
00:10:28,748 --> 00:10:30,165
It could be any Mass.
346
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,334
Christmas Eve would be a crowd-pleaser.
347
00:10:32,502 --> 00:10:34,003
Could you just talk to him?
348
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,088
Okay, I'll look into it for you.
349
00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:37,723
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:10:37,841 --> 00:10:38,724
Yeah.
351
00:10:38,842 --> 00:10:40,059
Damn shame.
352
00:10:42,095 --> 00:10:43,595
How can you find one possible flaw
353
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,180
with this magnificent machine?
354
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:46,515
Its existence is its flaw.
355
00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:47,816
It's a gas grill.
356
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:48,851
It should never have been.
357
00:10:48,935 --> 00:10:50,069
What is wrong with a gas grill?
358
00:10:50,186 --> 00:10:51,070
You get no char.
359
00:10:51,187 --> 00:10:52,821
The char is where the flavor is.
360
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:53,822
You need to flip that one.
361
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:54,857
Don't flip that burger.
362
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:56,108
You'll let the juices out.
363
00:10:56,192 --> 00:10:58,027
He let the juices out
when he bought a gas grill.
364
00:10:58,111 --> 00:10:59,661
This grill is top of the line.
365
00:10:59,779 --> 00:11:00,996
Tell him how much it cost, Johnny.
366
00:11:01,114 --> 00:11:01,997
Both of you let it drop.
367
00:11:02,115 --> 00:11:03,365
Look, what does it matter?
368
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:05,034
I mean, a grill is a grill,
as long as it uses charcoal.
369
00:11:05,201 --> 00:11:06,952
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard.
370
00:11:07,087 --> 00:11:08,921
This baby has four different cooking zones
371
00:11:09,039 --> 00:11:11,707
including rotisserie and a searing burner.
372
00:11:11,841 --> 00:11:13,375
That's a very expensive grill.
373
00:11:13,543 --> 00:11:14,376
I know how much it costs.
374
00:11:14,511 --> 00:11:15,461
I saw it in the catalog
375
00:11:15,595 --> 00:11:17,546
next to the self-rotating wine rack
376
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,049
in the expensive, useless shit section.
377
00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:21,717
You should've just bought a cheaper grill
378
00:11:21,851 --> 00:11:22,718
and cooked the money.
379
00:11:22,852 --> 00:11:24,103
Both of you shut it
380
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:26,555
and try a burger.
381
00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:29,808
I guarantee you you're not gonna
miss any char in this bad boy.
382
00:11:29,943 --> 00:11:32,311
Mmm, this burger is perfection, son.
383
00:11:32,445 --> 00:11:34,396
Jerry, tell me that's not a juicy burger.
384
00:11:34,564 --> 00:11:37,983
Hey, Jerr, I got the burgers
you asked for, brother.
385
00:11:38,118 --> 00:11:39,735
Billy Cepeda to the rescue!
386
00:11:39,903 --> 00:11:41,820
- Always.
- What the hell is this?
387
00:11:41,955 --> 00:11:43,455
- Hey.
- What's up, y'all?
388
00:11:43,573 --> 00:11:44,456
Hey.
389
00:11:44,574 --> 00:11:45,991
Where should I put my pastel?n?
390
00:11:46,126 --> 00:11:46,992
Your what?
391
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:48,077
My pastel?n.
392
00:11:48,244 --> 00:11:49,211
I learned to make it
393
00:11:49,329 --> 00:11:50,746
when I went to Puerto Rico with Billy.
394
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:52,047
Yeah, it's delicious.
395
00:11:52,165 --> 00:11:53,048
This thing's got beef.
396
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:54,383
It's got cheese.
397
00:11:54,501 --> 00:11:55,384
It's got plantains.
398
00:11:55,502 --> 00:11:56,418
Oh, I had that once.
399
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:57,419
It's good.
400
00:11:57,554 --> 00:11:58,804
- Banana lasagna.
- [Chuckles]
401
00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:00,756
The thing about Puerto Rican cuisine
402
00:12:00,924 --> 00:12:02,224
which I love is that it's hearty, healthy,
403
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,425
and it tastes good.
404
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,427
It's not empty calories,
like American food.
405
00:12:05,562 --> 00:12:07,096
Did you make that yourself, sweetheart?
406
00:12:07,230 --> 00:12:08,430
I basically did.
407
00:12:08,565 --> 00:12:10,849
I was in the kitchen
with Billy's mom and Ebola.
408
00:12:10,984 --> 00:12:12,734
Oh, there's Ebola in that.
409
00:12:12,852 --> 00:12:15,104
Ebola is Spanish
for "grandmother," Theresa.
410
00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:16,105
God.
411
00:12:16,272 --> 00:12:18,107
Learn a foreign language.
412
00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:20,492
I mean, it's good to know about
other people's cultures too.
413
00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:22,277
It's actually pronounced abuela, babe.
414
00:12:22,412 --> 00:12:24,446
Ebola is a disease, Maeve.
415
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:25,447
Excuse me, Theresa.
416
00:12:25,582 --> 00:12:26,782
I've been out of the country.
417
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:28,250
I'm sorry I'm not up to date
418
00:12:28,368 --> 00:12:30,619
on the new American diseases.
419
00:12:30,753 --> 00:12:32,504
Can you just put it on the table, please?
420
00:12:32,622 --> 00:12:33,956
Can I have a serving spoon, Theresa?
421
00:12:34,124 --> 00:12:35,757
You know where the spoons are, Maeve.
422
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,793
I do, but I'm a guest.
423
00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:38,794
[Inhales deeply]
424
00:12:38,928 --> 00:12:39,845
Fine.
425
00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,130
Americans.
426
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:42,931
Hey, y'all got to try
some of this pastel?n.
427
00:12:43,049 --> 00:12:43,932
It's amazing.
428
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,801
- We will, Billy.
- All right.
429
00:12:45,885 --> 00:12:48,554
I texted Billy as soon
as I smelled the poisonous gases
430
00:12:48,688 --> 00:12:50,639
emanating from this overpriced monstrosity.
431
00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:52,524
Are you kidding me with this shit?
432
00:12:52,642 --> 00:12:54,526
[Laughs]
433
00:12:54,644 --> 00:12:55,527
Mmm.
434
00:12:55,645 --> 00:12:58,397
So good.
435
00:12:58,531 --> 00:12:59,398
You smell that char?
436
00:12:59,532 --> 00:13:00,449
I don't need char.
437
00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:02,034
See the juices coming out of this?
438
00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:03,035
You texted Billy?
439
00:13:03,153 --> 00:13:04,286
Yeah, he taught me how to text.
440
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,287
Oh, the kid is dynamite.
441
00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:06,321
We hang out all the time.
442
00:13:06,456 --> 00:13:07,739
Only been asking you to hang out
443
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,575
for three years or so.
444
00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:10,792
What would we talk about?
445
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:11,793
We got nothing in common.
446
00:13:11,911 --> 00:13:12,828
Yeah, kid.
447
00:13:12,912 --> 00:13:14,496
You never planted drugs on a suspect.
448
00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:16,832
You know, I always regret not having a job
449
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,383
where I got to sleep in a room
450
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,669
with a bunch of other men
four nights a week.
451
00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:21,920
You know what?
452
00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:23,422
I'm not getting sucked
into the middle of this.
453
00:13:23,556 --> 00:13:24,806
I almost did, but I'm not.
454
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:28,810
I'm having a great time
with my grill, making burgers.
455
00:13:33,266 --> 00:13:35,184
Hey, keep eyes on Voo.
456
00:13:35,351 --> 00:13:36,818
Voodoo can handle herself.
457
00:13:36,936 --> 00:13:37,819
She's gonna be fine.
458
00:13:37,937 --> 00:13:39,238
You don't know my punch.
459
00:13:39,355 --> 00:13:41,857
Rolling stones came into my bar
after a show one night,
460
00:13:41,991 --> 00:13:44,026
and halfway through
his third round of that stuff,
461
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,446
Keith Richards pissed himself
in the middle of the bar.
462
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,364
Keith Richards.
463
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:51,533
I doubt it was his first time.
464
00:13:51,668 --> 00:13:53,285
Maybe I should go talk to her.
465
00:13:53,419 --> 00:13:54,670
Think that'd be okay?
466
00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:56,171
Yeah, I think it'd be nice.
467
00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:57,673
She usually listens to me.
468
00:13:57,790 --> 00:13:58,957
Young people, stop.
469
00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:00,509
Stop. Listen to me.
470
00:14:00,627 --> 00:14:02,761
When someone's trying
to work through their shit,
471
00:14:02,879 --> 00:14:04,630
let 'em work through their shit.
472
00:14:04,764 --> 00:14:07,049
Then call 'em a cab if they need one.
473
00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:08,800
Voodoo, keys.
474
00:14:12,055 --> 00:14:13,689
Grab those for me, Kevin.
475
00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:16,642
Thanks.
476
00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:25,560
Mmm.
477
00:14:25,694 --> 00:14:28,279
This is fantastic.
478
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:29,280
No way you made it.
479
00:14:29,398 --> 00:14:31,065
Of course not.
480
00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:32,116
Don't tell Theresa.
481
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:33,200
Okay, you owe me.
482
00:14:35,904 --> 00:14:37,872
Hey, sorry about my mom.
483
00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:39,573
Yeah, I saw her talking
your ear off before,
484
00:14:39,658 --> 00:14:41,459
and I'm pretty sure I can guess
what it was about.
485
00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:42,793
You can, can you?
486
00:14:42,911 --> 00:14:45,162
Yeah, she tells everybody
she thinks I'm gay.
487
00:14:45,297 --> 00:14:46,414
[Sighs]
488
00:14:46,498 --> 00:14:49,300
Look, it's a hard thing
for a lot of parents
489
00:14:49,418 --> 00:14:50,835
to wrap their mind around.
490
00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:52,920
Yeah, no, I know.
491
00:14:53,055 --> 00:14:53,921
Uh...
492
00:14:56,308 --> 00:14:57,925
Can I tell you a secret?
493
00:14:58,009 --> 00:15:01,846
Sure.
494
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,314
I'm not gay.
495
00:15:04,683 --> 00:15:05,599
Okay.
496
00:15:05,734 --> 00:15:06,817
Why is that a secret?
497
00:15:06,935 --> 00:15:08,936
Because my mom thinking I'm gay
498
00:15:09,104 --> 00:15:11,772
is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.
499
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,275
Okay, I'm the only high school kid I know
500
00:15:14,409 --> 00:15:16,494
who's allowed to have
sleepovers with girls.
501
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,363
I banged this one chick
in her own bed last night,
502
00:15:19,498 --> 00:15:21,332
and her parents were home.
503
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:22,833
It's off the hook.
504
00:15:22,951 --> 00:15:24,785
They... they brought us breakfast
in the morning.
505
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,087
- For real?
- Damn straight.
506
00:15:26,171 --> 00:15:27,088
No pun.
507
00:15:27,205 --> 00:15:28,255
See, at first, I was pissed
508
00:15:28,373 --> 00:15:29,457
my parents thought I was gay
509
00:15:29,591 --> 00:15:31,709
because I don't like sports and grilling
510
00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:33,043
and all that manly crap.
511
00:15:33,128 --> 00:15:34,678
You know what I do like, though?
512
00:15:34,796 --> 00:15:35,930
Pussy.
513
00:15:36,047 --> 00:15:38,432
Holy shit, you're a genius.
514
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:39,850
You're like a Stephen Hawking brain
515
00:15:39,968 --> 00:15:41,385
with a working dick genius.
516
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,853
Appreciate that.
517
00:15:42,971 --> 00:15:44,054
I'm proud of you, man.
518
00:15:44,139 --> 00:15:45,439
Genius.
519
00:15:45,557 --> 00:15:46,440
Man.
520
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,117
Sure you don't want me to call you
521
00:15:56,201 --> 00:15:57,118
one of those "you-bers"?
522
00:15:57,202 --> 00:15:58,819
What the hell?
523
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:02,206
Stats, look at these branches
just hanging over into the yard.
524
00:16:02,324 --> 00:16:04,492
Your tree has crossed the line!
525
00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:05,793
It's okay.
526
00:16:05,911 --> 00:16:06,827
Why are you okay with this?
527
00:16:06,962 --> 00:16:09,713
You're like Mrs. Rules... Ms. Rules.
528
00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:10,998
What? No, I'm not.
529
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:12,333
Yeah.
530
00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:13,717
Yeah, you are.
531
00:16:13,835 --> 00:16:15,503
Don't worry, I'll take care
of it, miss rules.
532
00:16:17,506 --> 00:16:18,973
These branches are unacceptable.
533
00:16:20,725 --> 00:16:22,510
Whoa, wait, where are you going?
534
00:16:22,644 --> 00:16:26,180
Where you fear to tread, Mr. rules.
535
00:16:26,348 --> 00:16:28,182
That's not my name.
536
00:16:28,316 --> 00:16:30,017
Oh, man.
537
00:16:30,185 --> 00:16:31,519
That's a tasty burger, bro.
538
00:16:31,653 --> 00:16:33,237
- Thank you, Billy.
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:36,273
It's juicy because it's not
dried out from the charcoal.
540
00:16:36,408 --> 00:16:37,274
Dad.
541
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:38,492
You know, it's kind of ironic
542
00:16:38,577 --> 00:16:40,027
that a fireman's afraid to cook
with real fire.
543
00:16:40,162 --> 00:16:41,078
Dad.
544
00:16:41,196 --> 00:16:42,413
It's different from being a cop.
545
00:16:42,531 --> 00:16:44,248
You can't taser an unarmed fire.
546
00:16:44,366 --> 00:16:45,249
They always like this?
547
00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:46,367
Yeah, they hate each other.
548
00:16:46,451 --> 00:16:47,785
Nah, Jerr-bear don't hate no one.
549
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,003
Jerr-bear?
550
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,671
He's the only one allowed to call me that.
551
00:16:50,789 --> 00:16:51,672
Oh.
552
00:16:51,790 --> 00:16:52,673
Hey!
553
00:16:52,791 --> 00:16:54,375
There's nobody here.
554
00:16:54,509 --> 00:16:55,676
What the hell?
555
00:16:55,794 --> 00:16:56,677
Voo.
556
00:16:56,795 --> 00:16:57,711
What are you doing up there?
557
00:16:57,879 --> 00:16:58,712
There's nobody home.
558
00:16:58,847 --> 00:17:00,681
I let myself in.
559
00:17:00,765 --> 00:17:04,051
They got some really nice stuff in here.
560
00:17:04,186 --> 00:17:05,970
[Loud crash]
561
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:09,223
Does anybody have glue?
562
00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:12,610
A lot of glue.
563
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:13,611
Um...
564
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:14,695
I'm gonna go get her.
565
00:17:14,813 --> 00:17:17,064
I'll be right back.
566
00:17:17,232 --> 00:17:19,733
Gabby, if you and Brian ever break up,
567
00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:21,652
and he starts chugging hurricanes,
568
00:17:21,786 --> 00:17:23,237
let him work out his own shit.
569
00:17:24,539 --> 00:17:25,406
Oh!
570
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:26,624
Who messed with the heat on this burner?
571
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:27,708
It was too low.
572
00:17:27,826 --> 00:17:28,909
It's a grill, not a tanning bed.
573
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:30,211
The heat was perfect.
574
00:17:30,328 --> 00:17:31,212
It was too low.
575
00:17:31,329 --> 00:17:32,213
It needs more heat.
576
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:33,414
We're trying to get some char.
577
00:17:33,582 --> 00:17:34,748
All right, that's the last time
578
00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:35,749
you say "char" today.
579
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:36,917
All right, these are the words
580
00:17:37,052 --> 00:17:38,060
that are banned for the rest of the day.
581
00:17:38,061 --> 00:17:39,089
- Char.
- Charcoal.
582
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,193
- Fire.
- Firefighter.
583
00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:41,922
Cops, gas, and juicy. Got it?
584
00:17:42,057 --> 00:17:43,057
Got it.
585
00:17:43,174 --> 00:17:44,425
- How about you, Jerr-bear?
- I told you.
586
00:17:44,559 --> 00:17:45,976
All right, you know what?
587
00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:47,261
Kitchen's closed.
588
00:17:47,345 --> 00:17:49,313
Theresa, would you like
to join me for a hurricane?
589
00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:51,265
- I would love that.
- A strong hurricane.
590
00:17:51,399 --> 00:17:52,399
Are you happy now?
591
00:17:52,484 --> 00:17:53,400
Char.
592
00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:54,602
You want some char?
593
00:17:54,736 --> 00:17:56,070
Why don't you put your fat ass on here,
594
00:17:56,187 --> 00:17:57,321
and I'll char it up for you!
595
00:18:01,943 --> 00:18:03,777
Voo.
596
00:18:03,912 --> 00:18:06,447
Voodoo.
597
00:18:06,581 --> 00:18:07,448
Hey, Voo.
598
00:18:07,532 --> 00:18:08,582
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
599
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,950
Just looking for a big-ass knife
600
00:18:10,118 --> 00:18:12,119
to cut down that tree.
601
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:13,120
Um...
602
00:18:13,255 --> 00:18:14,255
I think you may have had
603
00:18:14,339 --> 00:18:15,256
too much punch.
604
00:18:15,373 --> 00:18:16,257
You have a punch mustache.
605
00:18:16,374 --> 00:18:17,791
I know that.
606
00:18:17,876 --> 00:18:19,627
Don't you think I know
about my punchstache?
607
00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:20,628
I love my punchstache.
608
00:18:20,762 --> 00:18:21,962
People compliment me on it.
609
00:18:22,097 --> 00:18:23,130
Everyone but you.
610
00:18:23,265 --> 00:18:24,598
Let's just go back to the party, huh?
611
00:18:24,716 --> 00:18:25,766
You think that'd be best?
612
00:18:25,884 --> 00:18:26,767
I do.
613
00:18:26,851 --> 00:18:28,385
Well, too bad.
614
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:33,474
Because you can't control hurricane Voodoo.
615
00:18:33,608 --> 00:18:35,976
All you can do is ride the wind.
616
00:18:36,111 --> 00:18:38,779
Hurricane force wind, category awesome.
617
00:18:38,863 --> 00:18:40,531
Voo, stop it. Stop.
618
00:18:40,649 --> 00:18:41,532
Stop it. Don't.
619
00:18:41,650 --> 00:18:43,233
Hey, why are you even here?
620
00:18:43,368 --> 00:18:45,486
Shouldn't you be with Gabbigale?
621
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:46,820
I'm here because you seem upset,
622
00:18:46,955 --> 00:18:48,956
and I care about you.
623
00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:54,545
I know.
624
00:18:54,663 --> 00:18:56,080
I know you do, Brian.
625
00:18:56,214 --> 00:18:58,549
It's just... it's hard.
626
00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,250
I know, right?
627
00:19:01,503 --> 00:19:02,920
But we're gonna be good.
628
00:19:03,004 --> 00:19:03,921
Yeah?
629
00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:05,089
Yeah.
630
00:19:05,223 --> 00:19:06,507
We'll figure it out.
631
00:19:06,641 --> 00:19:08,058
Eventually.
632
00:19:09,427 --> 00:19:12,262
But for now...
633
00:19:12,397 --> 00:19:13,514
There's nobody home,
634
00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:16,266
so it's jump on the bed with me time.
635
00:19:16,401 --> 00:19:17,267
- No.
- Yeah.
636
00:19:17,402 --> 00:19:18,769
Voodoo, come on.
637
00:19:18,903 --> 00:19:20,354
We are trespassing right now.
638
00:19:20,488 --> 00:19:21,522
Here, watch this.
639
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:22,940
Karate. [Grunts]
640
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,109
[Dull thud]
641
00:19:25,243 --> 00:19:27,027
Voodoo, you okay?
642
00:19:27,195 --> 00:19:28,746
Did that look cool?
643
00:19:33,585 --> 00:19:36,036
So what did you find out about Carter?
644
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:37,705
I think he's just figuring stuff out.
645
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:38,706
Aha.
646
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:39,707
That's code for gay.
647
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:40,758
I don't know about that,
648
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,042
but I do know your son is a genius.
649
00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:43,761
Carter? No.
650
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:44,762
I love that boy,
651
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,296
but, believe me, he's no genius.
652
00:19:46,431 --> 00:19:47,631
I don't think he ever brought home
653
00:19:47,766 --> 00:19:49,933
anything better than
a b-minus on a report card.
654
00:19:50,051 --> 00:19:52,436
Tell him no more sleepovers
until he gets straight as,
655
00:19:52,554 --> 00:19:54,355
I guarantee you
those grades will skyrocket.
656
00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:56,724
Oh, he's a genius.
657
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:57,725
[Laughs]
658
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:58,892
I didn't think I was drunk,
659
00:19:59,027 --> 00:20:00,894
but now that I'm upside down, whoo!
660
00:20:01,029 --> 00:20:01,895
Hey.
661
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,364
Hey, what's up with the grill?
662
00:20:03,481 --> 00:20:04,531
Ooh, Johnny, Johnny, grill.
663
00:20:09,404 --> 00:20:12,706
- Fine.
- It's gonna be fine.
664
00:20:12,824 --> 00:20:13,707
What you want to do is...
665
00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:14,708
It's... I got it.
666
00:20:14,826 --> 00:20:15,709
It's gonna be fine.
667
00:20:15,794 --> 00:20:16,710
Fuego!
668
00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:17,711
No, don't.
669
00:20:17,829 --> 00:20:18,962
[Overlapping shouting]
670
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:24,051
- Call the fire department.
- Call an ambulance.
671
00:20:24,169 --> 00:20:26,754
Notice no one said, "call the cops."
672
00:20:31,517 --> 00:20:32,384
[Groans]
673
00:20:32,468 --> 00:20:33,552
You call that a burn?
674
00:20:33,719 --> 00:20:35,470
That's first degree, at best.
675
00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:37,689
You check this out.
676
00:20:37,807 --> 00:20:40,892
That's second degree, borderline third.
677
00:20:41,060 --> 00:20:42,944
Maybe second degree, but it's tiny.
678
00:20:43,062 --> 00:20:44,062
I've seen bigger sunburns.
679
00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:45,230
Mine's going down my hand.
680
00:20:45,398 --> 00:20:47,065
I'm in skin graft territory here.
681
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,451
Oh, yeah, that's some
nice char you got there, John.
682
00:20:49,569 --> 00:20:51,236
See, that's the color
you want your chicken.
683
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:52,537
Nah, you fry a chicken.
684
00:20:52,622 --> 00:20:54,739
Why would you do that
to a perfectly innocent bird?
685
00:20:54,874 --> 00:20:57,375
Beer can up its ass over wood.
686
00:20:57,493 --> 00:20:58,376
Hey, doc.
687
00:20:58,461 --> 00:20:59,744
How much longer we looking at here?
688
00:20:59,912 --> 00:21:01,580
Uh, I don't know. Ask a nurse.
689
00:21:01,714 --> 00:21:02,998
- Ballpark.
- Nurse.
690
00:21:03,132 --> 00:21:03,999
Oh.
691
00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:05,133
Both: Doctors.
692
00:21:05,251 --> 00:21:06,334
So arrogant.
693
00:21:06,469 --> 00:21:07,752
They think they're friggin' gods.
694
00:21:07,837 --> 00:21:09,087
Half the time, they're just guessing.
695
00:21:09,222 --> 00:21:10,755
"Half the time," that's being generous.
696
00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:11,973
The toughest part of a doctor's day
697
00:21:12,091 --> 00:21:13,258
is changing his tee time.
698
00:21:13,392 --> 00:21:14,259
Yeah.
699
00:21:14,393 --> 00:21:15,810
Deciding between steak and lobster.
700
00:21:15,928 --> 00:21:17,095
- They just order both.
- They do.
701
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:18,096
Pigs.
702
00:21:18,231 --> 00:21:19,314
Both: Bastards.
703
00:21:19,364 --> 00:21:23,914
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