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1
00:00:02,832 --> 00:00:03,999
Can't believe that dude is only 50.
2
00:00:04,001 --> 00:00:05,334
He looked like he was 100.
3
00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:06,635
Hard living, that's what that is.
4
00:00:06,637 --> 00:00:08,070
We all need to drink more water.
5
00:00:08,072 --> 00:00:09,938
Maybe he's one of those people
who's always looked old,
6
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,006
like Wilford Brimley.
7
00:00:11,008 --> 00:00:12,608
- And John Madden.
- Morgan Freeman.
8
00:00:12,610 --> 00:00:13,909
They say black don't crack?
9
00:00:13,911 --> 00:00:15,344
That brother came out of the womb cracked.
10
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:17,679
What about Angela Lansbury?
She's been 80 for like 40 years.
11
00:00:17,681 --> 00:00:19,047
Oh, then there's Michelle Pfeiffer.
12
00:00:19,049 --> 00:00:20,315
She's been 40 for 50 years.
13
00:00:20,317 --> 00:00:22,551
Michelle Pfeiffer, oh boy.
14
00:00:22,553 --> 00:00:25,821
If she could just stay 40 for
another 15 years?
15
00:00:25,823 --> 00:00:27,456
Then what would you do, Brian?
16
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:31,059
- Mmm, I'd treat her so good.
- Oh...
17
00:00:31,061 --> 00:00:33,228
[Laughs]
18
00:00:35,965 --> 00:00:37,966
Top five people who died during sex, go.
19
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,234
Nelson Rockefeller.
20
00:00:39,236 --> 00:00:40,269
Oh, Richard Pryor's dad.
21
00:00:40,271 --> 00:00:41,436
Matthew McConaughey's dad.
22
00:00:41,438 --> 00:00:42,838
- Oh ho.
- Both their dads?
23
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,307
- How did you guys know that?
- We work in the death business.
24
00:00:45,309 --> 00:00:47,809
God, think of all the street
cred those chicks have.
25
00:00:47,811 --> 00:00:51,446
Sex with them is so good, it'll kill you.
26
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:52,948
You know dudes be lining up like junkies
27
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:53,982
for Mrs. McConaughey.
28
00:00:53,984 --> 00:00:56,118
Why, so they can die during sex?
29
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,388
I mean, sure I'd get in that
line, but just to meet the woman
30
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:02,691
who gave us the star of such
films as Fool's Gold,
31
00:01:02,693 --> 00:01:05,327
Wedding Planner,
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,
32
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:07,162
and Failure to Launch.
33
00:01:07,164 --> 00:01:08,397
Those were literally his worst movies.
34
00:01:08,399 --> 00:01:10,098
- I actually saw that last one.
- Really?
35
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,633
Yeah, it's got Terry Bradshaw in it.
36
00:01:11,635 --> 00:01:13,835
I'll see anything with Bradshaw,
he's like my favorite actor.
37
00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:15,404
I love that dude... if I had to
pick a bald guy over 60,
38
00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:17,873
I would definitely pick Patrick Stewart.
39
00:01:17,875 --> 00:01:20,609
But I would let Bradshaw do a play-by-play.
40
00:01:20,611 --> 00:01:22,577
Just, like, sit and watch
and talk about it?
41
00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:25,547
What?
42
00:01:25,549 --> 00:01:27,282
Ambulance needed. North Avenue Beach.
43
00:01:27,284 --> 00:01:29,885
Women's volleyball tournament.
Player has lacerated foot.
44
00:01:29,887 --> 00:01:31,420
I love volleyball.
45
00:01:31,422 --> 00:01:32,788
You love volleyball?
46
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:34,356
Women's professional beach volleyball.
47
00:01:34,358 --> 00:01:36,958
This is the AVP tournament.
Oh, I want this call, Cassius.
48
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,227
Ambulance 14 responding.
49
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,463
Ambulance one also responding.
50
00:01:41,465 --> 00:01:42,597
Oh, it's on.
51
00:01:42,599 --> 00:01:44,633
- Make it a bet.
- Loser buys beers!
52
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:46,802
We're gonna win! Up the stakes!
53
00:01:46,804 --> 00:01:49,137
We'll race for beers, whiskey,
anything you got.
54
00:01:49,139 --> 00:01:50,405
We'll race for pink slips.
55
00:01:50,407 --> 00:01:52,074
Son, this ain't Fast and Furious.
56
00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:53,709
You don't have a pink slip to bet.
57
00:01:53,711 --> 00:01:55,911
- Oh, we need gas.
- We'll be fine.
58
00:01:55,913 --> 00:01:57,746
It's just that you told me
to tell you when we were
59
00:01:57,748 --> 00:01:59,648
pretty much out of gas, now
we are completely out of gas.
60
00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,883
- We're gonna make it.
- Nope, no, we're not.
61
00:02:01,885 --> 00:02:03,085
It's my bad, I dropped the ball.
62
00:02:03,087 --> 00:02:04,820
- You didn't drop anything!
- Nope.
63
00:02:04,822 --> 00:02:06,488
Cut across the park!
64
00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:08,924
- Ugh!
- Oh, get a load of this guy!
65
00:02:08,926 --> 00:02:13,495
[70s music in earphones]
66
00:02:13,497 --> 00:02:17,599
[All yelling for the man to move]
67
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:19,401
[Over loudspeaker] Out of the way, dipshit!
68
00:02:22,772 --> 00:02:24,806
- What'd I tell you, huh?
- Okay, okay.
69
00:02:24,808 --> 00:02:26,074
- Don't worry about it.
- You were right.
70
00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:28,176
You work yourself up in a big
lather over nothing.
71
00:02:28,178 --> 00:02:29,711
[Engine sputtering] Oh, no.
72
00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:31,279
No, no, no, no, no, no!
73
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,849
- Please!
- Oh boy.
74
00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:34,816
We beat 'em by a mile!
75
00:02:34,818 --> 00:02:39,121
Nowhere to be found! Whoo hoo!
76
00:02:39,123 --> 00:02:40,756
What if she needs to be
transported to the hospital?
77
00:02:40,758 --> 00:02:42,624
Got you covered. There's a Sonoco
78
00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:44,326
about four blocks up. You book it, Bri.
79
00:02:44,328 --> 00:02:47,429
- Oh, I'll be so fast!
- I know you will.
80
00:02:47,431 --> 00:02:48,764
Isn't there an Exxon right
around the corner?
81
00:02:48,766 --> 00:02:49,898
Yeah, but he's too hyper today.
82
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,401
Needs to burn off some energy. No candy!
83
00:02:52,403 --> 00:02:55,203
- Copy that!
- All right.
84
00:02:55,205 --> 00:02:56,571
Okay, what's the problem.
85
00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:58,707
- [70s music over headphones]
- We really need you to
86
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:01,910
move right now! Right now!
87
00:03:01,912 --> 00:03:04,605
This is an ambulance behind you.
88
00:03:04,607 --> 00:03:07,341
Oh, look at that little face!
89
00:03:07,343 --> 00:03:09,243
Out of the way, Aladdin.
90
00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:10,978
[Overlapping yelling]
91
00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:11,979
No, oh no...
92
00:03:11,981 --> 00:03:14,382
All: Oh!
- Shit!
93
00:03:17,052 --> 00:03:20,721
[Hip-hop music]
94
00:03:20,723 --> 00:03:28,596
95
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:38,816
Sync & Corrections by Darcade
- Addic7ed.com -
96
00:03:40,992 --> 00:03:42,392
Yeah, I'm in the ambulance right now
97
00:03:42,394 --> 00:03:43,727
on the way to the hospital.
98
00:03:43,729 --> 00:03:46,296
Totally, yeah, I'll be there
later with Devon.
99
00:03:46,298 --> 00:03:50,233
Already got 'em. Yeah, they were on sale.
100
00:03:50,235 --> 00:03:53,324
40%! [Laughs]
101
00:03:53,324 --> 00:03:56,192
For the love of God,
will you please shut up!
102
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,027
Why am I getting so much hostility here?
103
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,263
[Siren wailing]
104
00:04:00,265 --> 00:04:02,999
You know... you know who you sound
like right now?
105
00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:04,967
Your father. No, you know you do.
106
00:04:04,969 --> 00:04:08,104
You know you do... you sound just
like him, dead on.
107
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:09,772
We would have won if Aladdin
didn't get in the way.
108
00:04:09,774 --> 00:04:11,441
But he did, and you didn't!
109
00:04:11,443 --> 00:04:15,711
- And now we get free beer.
- Yeah, take that!
110
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,214
Sorry, Voo. You know I love free stuff.
111
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,550
At first I was really pissed,
but if you think about it,
112
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,952
that dipshit actually saved our lives.
113
00:04:22,954 --> 00:04:24,987
If he didn't get in the way,
that other dipshit driving
114
00:04:24,989 --> 00:04:27,256
the crappy Sedan would've t-boned us.
115
00:04:27,258 --> 00:04:28,658
It's kind of like serendipity.
116
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:32,495
Oh, best movie ever.
117
00:04:32,497 --> 00:04:35,965
You guys have seen Serendipity, right?
118
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:39,202
- None of you?
- Well, you know I have.
119
00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:41,504
I had to watch Serendipity and
throw in a Never Been Kissed
120
00:04:41,506 --> 00:04:43,139
to get him to watch Faces of Death.
121
00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:46,642
Everyone listen to me.
Listen to me right now.
122
00:04:46,644 --> 00:04:49,145
- Are you listening to me?
- Listening, Brian.
123
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:50,713
It opens with one little snowflake,
124
00:04:50,715 --> 00:04:54,016
falling in New York City, during
Christmas shopping season.
125
00:04:54,018 --> 00:04:56,419
Jonathan, played by the
always-excellent John Cusack...
126
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,721
I don't have time for this shit.
127
00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:01,524
Meets Sara, completely
inhabited by an up-and-coming
128
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:03,893
Kate Beckinsale. Now...
129
00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:07,430
After a magical day in New York
city, Jonathan suggests
130
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,366
that they exchange numbers,
which... Sara agrees.
131
00:05:10,368 --> 00:05:14,604
And writes hers inside of a copy
of Love in the Time of Cholera.
132
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:17,373
But! Instead of giving it to him,
133
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:19,642
she puts it back on the shelf
at the bookstore.
134
00:05:19,644 --> 00:05:21,377
I can't believe I'm gonna
do this, but I'm gonna
135
00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:22,845
- ask a question.
- Please don't do that.
136
00:05:22,847 --> 00:05:25,815
Why would she do that?
Just give him the number!
137
00:05:25,817 --> 00:05:28,584
- Why, indeed.
- You're gonna make it longer.
138
00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:31,888
To see if they were destined
to be together.
139
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:32,922
- Now then...
- Oh, so she didn't really
140
00:05:32,924 --> 00:05:34,357
- like this guy.
- Well, hold on, because
141
00:05:34,359 --> 00:05:38,327
Sara has Jonathan write his
number down on a $5 bill,
142
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:41,097
- which she gives away, right?
- Why-why... why wouldn't he
143
00:05:41,099 --> 00:05:44,567
just write it on a $1 bill?
$5 is a lot of money.
144
00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:47,103
I agree. It's a slight flaw in the film.
145
00:05:47,105 --> 00:05:50,973
Cut to several years later.
In fact, the day before
146
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,209
Jonathan is to be married to someone else.
147
00:05:53,211 --> 00:05:54,610
Why are you doing this to us?
148
00:05:54,612 --> 00:05:57,613
He takes a long walk around New York City.
149
00:05:57,615 --> 00:06:00,183
He's not sure he's marrying
the right woman.
150
00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:03,352
That very night, he receives a gift,
151
00:06:03,354 --> 00:06:06,289
at his own wedding rehearsal,
and guess what it is?
152
00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:10,526
That's right, a copy of
Love in the Time of Cholera.
153
00:06:10,528 --> 00:06:13,029
[Whimpers]
154
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:15,598
Sorry. Please, continue.
155
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,268
He takes a deep breath.
He opens it, and yes!
156
00:06:19,270 --> 00:06:22,471
It's her number! At the same exact time
157
00:06:22,473 --> 00:06:24,874
Sara reaches in to her purse
to pay for a drink
158
00:06:24,876 --> 00:06:30,046
and pulls out the $5 bill with
Jonathan's number on it.
159
00:06:30,048 --> 00:06:31,781
Destiny. They meet up again
160
00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:35,351
in central park and they kiss, just as
161
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:40,156
that same little snowflake
drifts gently down from heaven.
162
00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:42,358
Naw, bullshit. That is bullshit.
163
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,627
No goddamn way that's the same snowflake!
164
00:06:44,629 --> 00:06:46,195
Respectfully, yes it was.
165
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,631
So wait, you think like five winters ago,
166
00:06:48,633 --> 00:06:52,401
a snowflake fell to the ground,
and, like, melted,
167
00:06:52,403 --> 00:06:55,504
then evaporated and shit,
went back up to the sky,
168
00:06:55,506 --> 00:06:58,941
then turned back into the same
exact snowflake,
169
00:06:58,943 --> 00:07:02,044
flew back down to earth at,
like, the exact moment that
170
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:04,814
that dude kissed that chick?
171
00:07:04,816 --> 00:07:06,682
Yes, I do.
172
00:07:06,684 --> 00:07:08,417
And I believe you, bro.
173
00:07:08,419 --> 00:07:10,086
[Giggles]
174
00:07:10,088 --> 00:07:12,688
[Laughter]
175
00:07:12,690 --> 00:07:14,790
What?
176
00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:18,194
Sorry, Brian. It's sweet, it really is,
177
00:07:18,196 --> 00:07:22,732
but there's no such thing
as serendipity or destiny.
178
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,300
What, you don't believe that
is was serendipity
179
00:07:24,302 --> 00:07:25,368
that you met Johnny?
180
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,637
[Laughs] No.
181
00:07:27,639 --> 00:07:30,273
Not really, I mean...
182
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:34,043
Obviously I love him, but it's
not destiny that we met.
183
00:07:34,045 --> 00:07:36,045
I think it was.
184
00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:37,413
- Bullshit.
- I do.
185
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,782
- I think we were destined.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
186
00:07:39,784 --> 00:07:42,251
It is sweet, 'cause I'm sweet.
You know, I remember
187
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,388
the first moment I saw her.
I said to myself
188
00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,723
"oh, shit, I'm gonna fall in
love with this girl."
189
00:07:47,725 --> 00:07:48,958
What'd you think when you saw Johnny?
190
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,229
"Holy shit, this guy's gonna hit on me."
191
00:07:53,231 --> 00:07:55,097
I went home with this Jewish
guy a few weeks ago,
192
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,033
and right before we are about to get busy
193
00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:59,435
he tells me I'm his "bashert."
194
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,936
That's the Hebrew word for "destiny."
195
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:04,473
Whoa, that's kind of intense.
What do you even say to that?
196
00:08:04,475 --> 00:08:06,809
I looked him deep in the eyes
and I told him
197
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:09,078
to buh-shut the hell up and
buh-hit it from buh-hind.
198
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,847
[Laughter] I do not need to picture that.
199
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:14,483
I think it was serendipity
that Maeve and I met.
200
00:08:14,485 --> 00:08:15,951
I mean, think about it, T.
201
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,486
I was supposed to have a different partner,
202
00:08:17,488 --> 00:08:19,889
but then he got west Nile
disease, which is sad because
203
00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:22,325
the dude hadn't even been to Egypt.
204
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,960
And then they gave me you,
and I met your sister.
205
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,330
I actually dated my last
partner's sister too,
206
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:29,799
but I definitely do not think
that was serendipity.
207
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,902
That girl was crazy, like bad crazy.
208
00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:36,238
Not good crazy, like your sister, T.
209
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,475
Oh, man, Maeve lets me do some
stuff to her, T.
210
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,643
That's too much.
211
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,211
Yeah, sometimes it is too much.
212
00:08:42,213 --> 00:08:43,946
I think we're gonna need a safe word.
213
00:08:43,948 --> 00:08:45,481
- Billy.
- No, I think "Billy"
214
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,617
would be a very confusing safe word, T.
215
00:08:48,619 --> 00:08:51,020
All I know is, you'll drive yourself crazy
216
00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:53,756
trying to find meaning in every Li event.
217
00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:56,559
Cash is right. You'll find serendipity
218
00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:58,427
everywhere if you look hard enough.
219
00:08:58,429 --> 00:09:00,830
And by "serendipity,"
I mean this drag queen I know.
220
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,933
Seriously, drive anywhere down
Roscoe on a Saturday night,
221
00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:05,501
you can't miss her. She's like 6'7".
222
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,635
Oh, I know that girl!
223
00:09:06,637 --> 00:09:08,604
She's always got such great shoes.
224
00:09:08,606 --> 00:09:11,207
You should tell her that.
She's actually weirdly insecure.
225
00:09:11,209 --> 00:09:12,875
No, she's gorgeous.
226
00:09:12,877 --> 00:09:15,911
Look, man, destiny, fate,
all that stuff is just a way
227
00:09:15,913 --> 00:09:18,481
to make people feel like life makes sense.
228
00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:21,417
So you really believe that
life is just a random series
229
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:24,687
of unconnected events that are
ultimately meaningless?
230
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,456
[Over loudspeaker] Yes.
231
00:09:28,492 --> 00:09:31,660
You guys hear me? Hello?
232
00:09:36,628 --> 00:09:39,230
Do you think it's weird that
Theresa doesn't think
233
00:09:39,232 --> 00:09:40,298
meeting me was destiny?
234
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:42,366
[Laughs]
235
00:09:42,368 --> 00:09:43,901
Oh, shit, I knew this was happening.
236
00:09:43,903 --> 00:09:45,169
What?
237
00:09:45,171 --> 00:09:47,205
Not that I believe any of that crap, but...
238
00:09:47,207 --> 00:09:48,472
I mean, shouldn't she?
239
00:09:48,474 --> 00:09:50,341
Do you know what they call
chicks who tell men that
240
00:09:50,343 --> 00:09:52,310
they're destined to be together
the first time they meet?
241
00:09:52,312 --> 00:09:53,678
Yeah, they call 'em psychopaths.
242
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,980
That's right, John.
They call them psychopaths.
243
00:09:55,982 --> 00:09:57,882
And "they" are not wrong.
244
00:09:57,884 --> 00:10:00,384
It's just that I've never
lived with anybody before,
245
00:10:00,386 --> 00:10:05,089
and it'd be nice if Theresa was
just a little more...
246
00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:06,190
Romantic about it.
247
00:10:06,192 --> 00:10:07,925
- Oh!
- Oh, ho ho.
248
00:10:07,927 --> 00:10:11,062
So just because you two moved in together,
249
00:10:11,064 --> 00:10:13,998
you want her to believe a bunch
of prince charming, fairy dust,
250
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,534
glass slipper bullshit you don't
even believe?
251
00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:19,971
Unless you actually, secretly do
believe you're destined to be
252
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:22,306
together and you were hurt,
because she doesn't.
253
00:10:22,308 --> 00:10:24,842
- No.
- Don't... don't fight it, John.
254
00:10:24,844 --> 00:10:26,911
You could be so happy. Embrace it.
255
00:10:26,913 --> 00:10:28,246
- Mm-hmm.
- It wants to be held.
256
00:10:28,248 --> 00:10:30,147
Hilarious, you want everybody
to think that you're
257
00:10:30,149 --> 00:10:33,150
a tough guy, but all you really
WA are your fairy tales.
258
00:10:33,152 --> 00:10:36,621
Ambulance needed, 739 east Adams.
259
00:10:36,623 --> 00:10:40,224
Ambulance 14 responding. Ooh!
260
00:10:40,226 --> 00:10:44,662
What if it's Rapunzel?
You can wake her up with a kiss.
261
00:10:44,664 --> 00:10:46,330
It's sleeping beauty
you wake up with a kiss.
262
00:10:46,332 --> 00:10:48,065
Rapunzel's the one in the tower
with the hair.
263
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:49,166
Well, you'd know the difference.
264
00:10:52,337 --> 00:10:55,840
T, T baby, I can't take all this traffic.
265
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,975
What traffic? 18th is wide open.
266
00:10:57,977 --> 00:11:00,811
This traffic in my head, T.
It's mental gridlock.
267
00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:02,546
This serendipity stuff has got me thinking.
268
00:11:02,548 --> 00:11:05,149
- Oh, don't do that, sweetie.
- It's like...
269
00:11:05,151 --> 00:11:07,184
It's like everything that happens in life
270
00:11:07,186 --> 00:11:10,688
affects every other thing in life.
271
00:11:10,690 --> 00:11:13,457
I mean, if we didn't make
the light back there,
272
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:17,428
where would we be right now?
273
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:18,929
- At the light.
- Maybe!
274
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:20,398
But you don't know that!
275
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:24,435
- Well, yeah, actually I do.
- Or... or you don't.
276
00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:29,040
See? See?
277
00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:30,975
Yeah, no, I don't see.
278
00:11:30,977 --> 00:11:34,745
That's the thing, T. Nobody sees.
279
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:37,448
Oh, no. Oh no, I'm freaking out.
280
00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,450
Oh, okay, deep breaths. Hey...
281
00:11:39,452 --> 00:11:42,053
I'm freaking out, I gotta clear my head.
282
00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:47,258
[Silently working his jaw]
283
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:50,261
Don't worry about it, it just
opens up my head tunnels.
284
00:11:57,035 --> 00:11:59,170
All: Oh!
285
00:11:59,172 --> 00:12:01,038
Carl fainted. He hit the ground hard.
286
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,373
I'm really worried about him.
287
00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:03,607
I think you might be in shock, sir.
288
00:12:03,609 --> 00:12:05,876
Nah, I think it looks worse than it is.
289
00:12:05,878 --> 00:12:07,845
Had some bad shellfish down in
Florida once.
290
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:11,048
That hurt way worse. Carl!
291
00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:12,483
These men are here to help you.
292
00:12:12,485 --> 00:12:15,019
Sir, sir, I'm gonna need you
to just stay still.
293
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:16,320
Sir, can you tell me what happened?
294
00:12:16,322 --> 00:12:19,056
It was amazing.
I'm down here laying Sheetrock.
295
00:12:19,058 --> 00:12:22,493
I hear Tim from five stories up
yell "hey Mike, watch out!"
296
00:12:22,495 --> 00:12:24,428
So I look up and then, [Swish]
297
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:26,931
Six feet of rebar goes right through me.
298
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:30,234
And then, I'm like "holy shit!
Tim, you see this?"
299
00:12:30,236 --> 00:12:32,970
And then Carl runs over and
he's all "see what?"
300
00:12:32,972 --> 00:12:35,740
And then boom, Carl's out cold.
301
00:12:35,742 --> 00:12:38,342
Sir, we're gonna have to
take you to the hospital.
302
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:41,178
Mike, it's bad, it's really bad.
303
00:12:41,180 --> 00:12:43,781
Are you kidding me? This is my lucky day!
304
00:12:43,783 --> 00:12:47,451
The city owns this building.
I'm getting paid!
305
00:12:47,453 --> 00:12:49,253
Carl, we're all going down to the islands,
306
00:12:49,255 --> 00:12:50,788
we're opening up a bar.
307
00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:52,690
Hey, you hear that, Timmy?
308
00:12:52,692 --> 00:12:55,593
Call it the rebar.
309
00:12:55,595 --> 00:12:58,095
Bingo! This guy drinks for free.
310
00:12:58,097 --> 00:13:00,264
- Okay, we're gonna...
- Mike, we're gonna get you on the rig.
311
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,500
- Be still.
- Real slow.
312
00:13:02,502 --> 00:13:03,567
[All talking at once]
313
00:13:03,569 --> 00:13:05,403
No, no, no. No, no, no.
314
00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:07,438
[Muttering] Nuh-nuh-oh...
315
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,441
He fainted again.
He fainted... he fainted again.
316
00:13:11,743 --> 00:13:15,079
A lot of money, you know?
Serious payday, hey!
317
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:17,815
Stroke! Stroke!
318
00:13:17,817 --> 00:13:20,017
[Laughing] I'm just having fun.
319
00:13:20,019 --> 00:13:21,585
Hey guys, I don't have insurance,
320
00:13:21,587 --> 00:13:23,320
but the city's picking up the bill,
321
00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:26,424
along with all the other bills
for the rest of my life!
322
00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:29,260
[Laughs] Hey, what's the food sitch here?
323
00:13:29,262 --> 00:13:33,130
- Oh, you're gonna get food.
- Wow, this is a big hospital!
324
00:13:33,132 --> 00:13:34,598
Could I get a map for when I wake up?
325
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,667
Clear the halls! Clear the halls
326
00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:42,391
- Feeling better, bud?
- Mm-hmm, oh yeah,
327
00:13:42,391 --> 00:13:44,021
just needed my medicine. Mira, muchacho.
328
00:13:44,022 --> 00:13:46,010
[Speaking Spanish]
329
00:13:52,951 --> 00:13:55,052
Es una... Holy shit.
330
00:13:55,054 --> 00:13:57,388
T! T, check it out, Rinoceronte.
331
00:13:57,390 --> 00:13:58,689
[Gasps] Oh.
332
00:13:58,691 --> 00:14:00,591
He missed his court date last week.
333
00:14:00,593 --> 00:14:02,893
I am gonna enjoy cuffing that
son of a bitch!
334
00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:05,688
Oh, my God, if we hadn't
stopped to get my icy gulp,
335
00:14:05,688 --> 00:14:07,298
- we never would have seen him.
- Yeah, or we would have seen
336
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:10,434
him and his big nose eating that
burrito through the car window.
337
00:14:10,436 --> 00:14:12,236
Nah, I don't think so, T.
Weather conditions,
338
00:14:12,238 --> 00:14:14,749
low visibility, we ain't got
no sunglasses...
339
00:14:14,749 --> 00:14:15,773
- Shit, shit, shit, shit!
- This is seren... yo.
340
00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:17,708
Come on, man... Mira.
341
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:19,376
[Speaking Spanish]
342
00:14:19,378 --> 00:14:21,645
You can have one sip. Un sip... no, not...
343
00:14:21,647 --> 00:14:23,514
Not with me standing right here, bro!
344
00:14:24,749 --> 00:14:26,350
You're never gonna finish that burrito!
345
00:14:26,352 --> 00:14:27,718
[Mouth full] Yes, I am!
346
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,845
They got really good burritos there, t!
347
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:32,490
- We gotta go back sometime.
- Okay!
348
00:14:33,991 --> 00:14:36,526
Cheer up, Al, at least you
still got your balls!
349
00:14:36,528 --> 00:14:37,894
- Frank.
- Hey, pal!
350
00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:40,374
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, well, I'm basically here
351
00:14:40,374 --> 00:14:42,332
all the time, Dad. What are you doing here?
352
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:44,601
Visiting a buddy of mine.
Got the ass cancer.
353
00:14:44,603 --> 00:14:46,703
Hey, how old are you, kid?
354
00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:48,605
- 33.
- No shit?
355
00:14:48,607 --> 00:14:50,373
- Yep.
- Well, okay.
356
00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:53,076
Seven years, you start having
your ass checked.
357
00:14:53,078 --> 00:14:54,577
Check this shit out, guys.
358
00:14:54,579 --> 00:14:56,479
Hey, Auggie, what's up?
359
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,981
This son of a bitch is so lucky,
I'm surprised we didn't find
360
00:14:57,983 --> 00:15:00,750
- a horseshoe up his ass.
- It hit nothing!
361
00:15:00,752 --> 00:15:02,151
- Nothing.
- Jesus.
362
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:04,454
- That's so cool.
- Here, keep it.
363
00:15:04,456 --> 00:15:07,323
Show it to your friends.
Pull it out at parties.
364
00:15:07,325 --> 00:15:08,858
Did you guys see that dude with the rebar?
365
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:10,493
- Yeah, we brought him in.
- No way!
366
00:15:10,495 --> 00:15:13,229
- We got the X-ray right here.
- Holy shit!
367
00:15:13,231 --> 00:15:14,931
Do you think you could get him
to sign it for me?
368
00:15:14,933 --> 00:15:17,133
Hey guys, you're not gonna
believe what's happened.
369
00:15:17,135 --> 00:15:18,935
[All saying they know about the rebar guy]
370
00:15:18,937 --> 00:15:20,837
Okay, I'm not talking about the X-ray.
371
00:15:20,839 --> 00:15:22,205
That driver y'all brought in?
372
00:15:22,207 --> 00:15:23,706
The one who clipped the roller skater?
373
00:15:23,708 --> 00:15:26,409
They found a massive tumor on
his spine during the MRI.
374
00:15:26,411 --> 00:15:27,677
- Whoa.
- Get out.
375
00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:29,212
It would have spread if they
didn't catch it.
376
00:15:29,214 --> 00:15:30,813
So that crash saved his life.
377
00:15:30,815 --> 00:15:32,749
Reckless dickhead.
378
00:15:32,751 --> 00:15:35,118
Wait, so you guys were saved
by the roller skater,
379
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,753
the driver was saved by the crash.
380
00:15:36,755 --> 00:15:39,055
That's two serendipities in one event.
381
00:15:39,057 --> 00:15:40,957
Something is going on here.
382
00:15:40,959 --> 00:15:43,660
Plus, we had the rebar man,
and then I happened to show up.
383
00:15:43,662 --> 00:15:46,095
Oh, we are in a serendipity vortex.
384
00:15:46,097 --> 00:15:48,831
I don't know what that is, but
we are in a major hot streak!
385
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:50,667
That's exactly what
a serendipity vortex is.
386
00:15:50,669 --> 00:15:52,635
We gotta find a way to parlay this!
387
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:54,604
I would just like to go on
record as saying that I think
388
00:15:54,606 --> 00:15:56,572
this is all bullshit. But I also think
389
00:15:56,574 --> 00:16:00,822
we should go buy lottery tickets
immediately.
390
00:16:00,824 --> 00:16:02,791
We got seven minutes to make
it to Powerball.
391
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:04,559
There's a liquor store on
Ogden and Roosevelt.
392
00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:06,528
Let's go!
393
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,096
Holy shit, we're gonna win this thing.
394
00:16:08,098 --> 00:16:09,097
Stat!
395
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,271
How good is that burrito, Billy?
396
00:16:16,273 --> 00:16:17,706
- Oh, it's so good.
- Mm-hmm.
397
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:20,275
- Come on, dawg.
- Come on, dawg!
398
00:16:20,277 --> 00:16:21,543
You know how good they are.
399
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:22,544
You sure you don't want to taste it?
400
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,279
No, I trust you.
401
00:16:24,281 --> 00:16:26,047
Yo, I'm only gonna eat up to
402
00:16:26,049 --> 00:16:27,783
about an inch away from your bite mark.
403
00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:28,984
Then you're gonna give me the rest?
404
00:16:28,986 --> 00:16:31,586
Hell no, then I'm gonna throw
it out, bitch.
405
00:16:31,588 --> 00:16:33,221
[Both chuckling]
406
00:16:33,223 --> 00:16:35,624
Yo... I really don't know why
I was freaking out so much
407
00:16:35,626 --> 00:16:36,658
about serendipity.
408
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:39,327
Serendipity's absolutely fantastic.
409
00:16:39,329 --> 00:16:42,397
Led us to this dude we've been
after, and I got free food.
410
00:16:42,399 --> 00:16:46,268
Hey, Hector, why'd you skip
out on your court date?
411
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:48,770
- Met a girl, yo.
- Yeah, but you got yourself
412
00:16:48,772 --> 00:16:50,939
another three months mandatory, dude.
413
00:16:50,941 --> 00:16:53,275
That's nothing, mama.
414
00:16:53,277 --> 00:16:55,243
She's my destiny. Three months?
415
00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:57,979
[Scoffs] I'm talking about eternity.
416
00:16:57,981 --> 00:17:01,383
Mira, here. Here she is, Mira, check it.
417
00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:03,351
Oh, man, she's really pretty, bro.
418
00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:06,589
Uch. Why are men such saps?
419
00:17:06,591 --> 00:17:09,253
Oh I can't speak for every
men, though I have given this
420
00:17:09,253 --> 00:17:11,294
a lot of thought, as society's
afforded me the opportunity
421
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:14,797
on several occasions,
and this is what I decided.
422
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,500
There's so many beautiful women
in this world
423
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,902
that when a man commits to one,
it is necessary for him
424
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:23,873
to believe that he found his destiny.
425
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,308
Otherwise, he would be powerless
426
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,176
in the face of so many, many vaginas.
427
00:17:31,181 --> 00:17:32,915
Damn. You heard that, T?
428
00:17:32,917 --> 00:17:36,152
Yeah. Actually kinda makes sense.
429
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:40,323
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, Billy.
430
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:42,858
- Go on.
- What?
431
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,927
Give him a bite of the burrito.
432
00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:46,228
[Both silently mouthing words]
433
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:49,231
- Come on.
- No.
434
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:55,805
- One... two...
- Here, man.
435
00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:00,076
- That's weird.
- Vortex!
436
00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:01,277
I'm telling you, if we win this thing,
437
00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:03,279
I'm banning the word "vortex."
438
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:07,683
- Let me pick the numbers.
- There's no time.
439
00:18:07,685 --> 00:18:08,851
Quick pick that shit.
440
00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,987
May we have seven Powerball
tickets, please?
441
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:11,988
- No.
- What?
442
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,422
What?
443
00:18:13,424 --> 00:18:16,092
It's after 6:00.
Can't sell tickets after 6:00.
444
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,626
It's 6:02, we're only two minutes late.
445
00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:19,295
And we are in a vortex, sir!
446
00:18:19,297 --> 00:18:21,197
Two minutes, oh, is two minutes.
447
00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:22,631
How can you even trust that time?
448
00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:24,200
Is it set to the atomic clock?
449
00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:26,102
Yes, the vice president calls me everyning,
450
00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:27,870
and we coordinate our clocks.
451
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,038
Come on, sir, cut us some slack!
452
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,340
No can do.
453
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:32,475
You're gonna do it, cupcake.
454
00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:33,809
You're gonna get on your little machine,
455
00:18:33,811 --> 00:18:35,378
you're gonna do your little typey typey,
456
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,213
and you're gonna spit out our
winning tickets,
457
00:18:37,215 --> 00:18:39,482
or you're not gonna see 6:03!
458
00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:42,284
Fine. Fine.
459
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:44,687
- Yeah, good.
- That's right.
460
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:48,057
Here are seven tickets for
next week's Powerball.
461
00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,525
You son of a bitch! I'll kill you.
462
00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:51,260
Hey! It's Morgan Davies.
463
00:18:51,262 --> 00:18:53,195
Oh, that's that chick we
helped, turn this up.
464
00:18:53,197 --> 00:18:55,064
No, can't. Store policy.
465
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,665
Give me that!
466
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:59,502
- God, she's beautiful.
- I know.
467
00:18:59,504 --> 00:19:01,404
But we really never would have
won if it wasn't for those EMTs
468
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:04,073
who stitched me up this morning.
My foot's feeling great, guys,
469
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:07,243
so thanks for that,
and I'll take you out to dinner.
470
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:08,944
- Oh!
- That's right, see?
471
00:19:08,946 --> 00:19:09,979
Hey guys, you know what this means?
472
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:11,647
Means that we're still hot!
473
00:19:11,649 --> 00:19:14,784
Give us all your scratchers,
you smug little cock-knocker!
474
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:17,050
Now!
475
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,297
- Hey.
- Hey.
476
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,505
- So.
- Hmm.
477
00:19:32,507 --> 00:19:33,939
I've been giving this a lot of thought...
478
00:19:33,941 --> 00:19:35,474
Hey, before you say anything,
would you take some of these?
479
00:19:35,476 --> 00:19:37,877
- My dad went nuts today.
- Yeah.
480
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:44,183
I know how hard the idea of
a lifelong commitment can be,
481
00:19:44,185 --> 00:19:47,253
and if you need to believe there
is something bigger out there
482
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:50,022
that somehow predetermines that
we are meant to be together,
483
00:19:50,024 --> 00:19:51,857
then I'm not gonna make fun of you, okay?
484
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,225
I actually think it's kind of sweet.
485
00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:55,528
Listen, okay, you don't have
to for my sake...
486
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,930
No, I do, and just because
I don't believe in fate,
487
00:19:57,932 --> 00:20:00,165
doesn't mean I don't trust my instincts.
488
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:03,308
I know that you are the right guy for me.
489
00:20:03,309 --> 00:20:04,283
Holy shit!
490
00:20:04,283 --> 00:20:08,393
- 250 bucks!
- We won?
491
00:20:08,394 --> 00:20:09,853
Tell me that's not serenpidity!
492
00:20:09,853 --> 00:20:11,277
No, but...
493
00:20:12,495 --> 00:20:14,391
I mean, who cares, right?
494
00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:17,193
Let's just go to a fancy
restaurant and eat all the food!
495
00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:18,738
Yeah, oh, no.
496
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:20,844
You're not a believer.
497
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:22,986
I'll take Hank.
498
00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:24,280
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
499
00:20:24,281 --> 00:20:26,057
You give me back that scratcher, mister.
500
00:20:26,057 --> 00:20:27,522
No, no, no, no, Hank and I
are gonna go to Gibson's.
501
00:20:27,522 --> 00:20:28,836
- No!
- Yes!
502
00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:30,730
- I'll bring back leftovers!
- Seriously?
503
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:32,344
Yes, of course!
504
00:20:32,345 --> 00:20:35,145
The portions there are huge, I
can't possibly finish all that.
505
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,526
- Listen, I won't be late.
- Really?
506
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:37,467
I'll text you when I'm...
507
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,981
I'm kidding! Come on, we're going!
508
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:44,581
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