All language subtitles for Silicon Valley s02e10 Two Days of the Condor.eng

Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

Dinesh: This is unbelievable.

There are seven thousand
people watching this stream,

and it's working flawlessly.

Rebuffering events are below 0.5%.

Even when his sobbing shakes the camera

there's no blocking at all.
And the quality is great.

Why?

More good news. There's a storm coming.

There's no way the EMS
guys can get up there.

This could go on all day.

Appreciate your
cooperation here, gentlemen.

We'll see you this afternoon.

Richard, I'm sorry about that.

No, it's fine.

The lead counsel of the
company that's suing us

just marched their
engineer through the house

to make sure the platform they
want to seize is ready for them.

That felt great.

It's like they assume they've already won.

Is there any chance they haven't?

Erlich: Goddammit, Richard.

In addition to stealing two of
my four packs of Fage yogurt,

your ship-jumping coder cunts

happened to walk off with the rest
of our toilet paper, so that...

Hmm.

Speaking of shit that can't
be wiped away and flushed,

how are you, Mr. "Mohanahan"?

Morning, Mr. Bachman.

I don't suppose you have
anything to say to me

by way of an apology?

For?

For the embarrassing ordeal

that you put me through yesterday
in front of over nine people.

I think you should be the
one apologizing, Mr. Bachman.

You lost your composure
and ruined our entire case.

I'll see you gentlemen at 3:00.

I shan't be attending out of contempt,

so this will have to serve as our goodbye.

Don't let the door hit
ya where God split ya.

- I'm sorry.
- No.

Richard, I'll see you there?

Yeah.

Pete?

Do we have any chance of winning this?

When you hired me,

I told you I would never
lie to you, Richard.

Yeah, that's true. You did.

I'll see you at 3:00.

(theme music plays)

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Oh, hello, neighbor.

Neighbor.

Not for long. Louise
helped me sell my house.

The ferret laws are much
more enlightened in Arizona.

Arizona, huh?

You'll be dead in a month.

We'll miss you.

This your home?

Indeed it is.

Are you interested in
selling? It's a great time.

Not interested. There are
people in there who depend on me.

Human people. Not weasel animals.

It's a ferret.

- Weasels.
- Ferrets!

Corner lot, good square footage.

I could probably get you
a lot more than I got Noah.

How much did you get him?

Wait. You're selling
the house just like that?

It wasn't a rash decision.
I agonized over it.

But what about your incubator?

What about it, Jared? Pied
Piper has caked its pants,

Jian-Yang's chances of investment

have literally gone up in smoke,

and you heard what Monahan
said in court yesterday.

Market forces and random
events have conspired against me

to make the success of my
incubator all but impossible.

Functionally, all I've really achieved

is running a flop house
where guys have shat,

jerked off, and paid me no rent.

Man: Why won't anyone come get me?

Well, we have accomplished one other thing.

We're up over 20,000 viewers.

Holy shit. Really?

Buzzfeed linked to us. Now
we're picking up on Reddit.

This guy falling off a cliff is
the first good luck we've had.

And right as we're gaining traction,

we have to hand it all over
to Gavin fucking Belson.

This is fucked.

We can't give it to him...

if we don't have it to give.

What do you mean?

We do have it, and we have to give it.

100% of what he's trying to take from us

exists digitally on servers in this house.

If we nuke them, there's
nothing for him to seize.

As far as he knows, it's an accident.

No one would believe that.

Two weeks ago, we accidentally erased

one-third of Intersite's entire library.

I think we've established our
ineptitude beyond a reasonable doubt.

Fuck it.

I say we delete everything.

No. No. No. No.

Guys, that's not what we
do. We don't destroy things.

Not on purpose, anyway.

Right? Isn't that the whole reason why
you got into this in the first place,

to build cool shit?

I mean, look at that
livestream. It's fucking perfect.

And even if Hooli ends up owning it,

we built it with no resources

and a fucking stream of endless obstacles.

I don't know, I mean, I kind of
want to see how big it can get,

right up until the point where Gavin Belson

has to fucking take it from us.

(phone buzzes)

Guys, who is
Manny "Pa-qui-oh"?

Pacquiao? He's one of the most
famous people on the planet earth.

Oh! Manny Pacquiao,
the Filipino legislator.

No, boxer.

Okay, well, he just tweeted
a link to our livestream,

and he has almost two million followers.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. We got to scale up if we're
going to handle that kind of traffic.

Dinesh: I'm gonna compress the manifests.

I'll kill the highest bitrate
to give us more headroom.

I've always wanted to be
part of a suicide pact.

What? That's not what we're doing.

Richard: Hey, Gilfoyle,
we're up to 50,000 views.

Whoa, it is, like, 500 degrees in here.

Yeah. Anton is really starting to sweat.

Yeah, I still can't believe you
gave the servers a man's name.

Sorry, I couldn't remember
your mother's name.

Hey, why don't I just open up the
garage door? Let some fresh air in here.

Yeah, sure, if you want the
cooling system to shut down

and everything in here to turn to magma.

Actually, with all the
new servers I have running,

we're about to max out the amperage
and blow the main breaker anyway.

Sooner or later, Gilfoyle's servers
are gonna fail, and then it's all done.

My servers can handle 10 times the traffic

if they weren't busy apologizing
for your shit codebase.

Oh, yeah? Well, my codebase
could handle this traffic,

fuck your mother, make a video of it,

upload it, and even that
video would not even buffer.

Hey, Pete.

Hey, I just heard from the judge.

He's gonna call us in an hour early.

Early? What does that mean?

Well, it's either a very
good or a very bad sign.

Well, actually, it's almost always bad.

I take it back. It's a bad thing.

Why don't you head over,

I'll see you when you get there, okay?

Hey, guys, I gotta go.

It's time.

Try to keep it online
as long as you can, okay?

(crying) Why?

- The picture quality
is remarkable. - Mm-hmm.

And this is all hosted at a data center

they built themselves in their garage.

- Man: Please help me.
- That's right.

- Very impressive.
- Man: Please someone help me!

It's already becoming a meme
in the Philippines. Look.

- (guitar playing)
- Why won't anyone come help me?

Can anyone hear me?

(laughs)

Man: Hello?

And Filipinos find this amusing?

- Man: Can anyone hear me?
- Apparently.

Please help me.

I've lost all feeling below the waist.

- Why?
- They are a fascinating people.

How are the numbers?

Unless people start getting bored and
tuning out, we're gonna hit our capacity.

Fuck.

Man: I'm so dehydrated.

I'm gonna have to urinate
into my water bottle.

This guy's gonna drink his own piss?

That's too good. We're
gonna fail by succeeding.

Jared, I need you to
plug those servers in now.

Aye-aye, captain.

What a shit-circus. Good riddance.

You're never gonna sell.

- What?
- Look what's happening here.

It's magical.

The only thing magical is how much

this house has appreciated in
the last three years, Jared.

I'm selling.

That's just money. It has no real value.

It literally defines value.

Look at this check. All right?

You can't actually cash it, but
think about what it represents.

It's priceless.

Jared, I saw your entire HR file.

It was in the Hooli disclosure.

You had a fat salary and stock options.

By now, you would be a senior VP.

But instead, you walked away
to wrangle extension cords

for a company that will be
defunct in maybe 30 hours.

If you're not kicking yourself even just
a little bit, you are objectively insane.

I can always find another job,
but look at us... doing this.

It's intoxicating. Don't
act like it's not magical.

It is.

(banging)

What the fuck is that?

Jesus Christ!

What the fucking fuck?

Hey, guys.

On the day that I'm showing
the place? Are you serious?

I had to shorten up the cable run, so...

This is the shortest distance
to the garage. Had to do it.

It's magical.

Huh.

So, start with the wide end.

Oh, Richard.

Here, let me help you with that.

May I?

- Relax.
- Okay.

Just gonna tie your tie.

All right.

I feel terrible it's come to this, Richard.

But who knows?

Sometimes things like
this are for the best.

I know this one is for me.

If you hadn't blackmailed
me into this arbitration,

I was gonna have to go in front
of the Hooli Board of Directors

and ask for $250 million to buy you out.

Wow. $250 million?

Believe it or not,

your algorithm is the only
way to make Nucleus work.

I was ready to pay whatever it took.

Let me ask you this. If I offered
you 10 million for Pied Piper

right now, before we even go
in there, would you take it?

Really? You'd do that?

No, of course not.

I'm about to get it for free.
I'm just fucking with you.

I'm sure you'll come up with plenty more

once-in-a-lifetime
ideas, Richard.

Or not.

There you go.

Good luck in there, Richard.

Gilfoyle, what are you doing?

Jamming the breakers so they don't trip.

That's not a huge fucking fire hazard?

Yeah, of course it is. This whole
shit box could go up at any second.

No. No fires in here.

I already had that conversation
with Jian-Yang, I think.

200,000 views. Fuck!

Gilfoyle, we need to build
the caching mechanisms now!

It's the only way the clusters will scale.

Okay, sounds good. Do it.

I can't do it on my own, Gilfoyle!

Hey, Erlich, I need another coder
here! None of these guys can help me.

Sorry, amigo. I don't code anymore.

- Remember? Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
- (knocking)

Well, then we're fucked. This
thing is gonna crash any second.

Mr. Bachman, I am sorry to
drop in on you like this...

- Erlich, Seriously!
- But I have got the buyers here.

Shit. He's gonna drink his own piss.

- Gilfoyle, I need some fucking help!
- Sorry, Louise,

this isn't a great
time. I'm entertaining...

and I have some minor cosmetic
repairs to do before I show the house.

Oh, no, they don't even
need to look inside.

They only want the
property for the lot value.

- Seriously, I can't do this by myself!
- Lot value? Meaning?

You have to realize your house
is a total teardown, right?

They want to tear this place down?

Gilfoyle, the caching
mechanisms! We're gonna crash!

- I told you, get Erlich to do it!
- Richard said keep it online!

- I can't do this by myself!
- Mr. Bachman...

they want to make an
offer right now. All cash.

Mr. Bachman, I think you would
be foolish to turn this down.

Did you just call me a fool?

- No. All I meant was...
- Madam,

you do not call a man a fool
on the transom of his own home.

A home that happens to be the
world headquarters of a company

keeping streaming video of a man
who's about to drink his own urine

online for tens of thousands of Filipinos.

Does that sound like foolishness to you?

So, you can tell your
clients, respectfully,

that they may go fuck themselves.

(man crying)

All right, I'm gonna start compiling
varnish to cache the manifest.

Dinesh, you reduce the seeds
in the P2P swarm, got it?

Let's fucking do this.

I knew you wouldn't sell.

Jared, respectfully, shut
the fuck up. I'm working.

(sizzling)

Man: I don't wanna drink my pee.

What's that smell?

Which I weighed in
making my final decision.

A decision I do not take lightly.

Now, in concerning...

(man crying on phone)

Mr. Hendricks, are you on your phone?

No.

It says, "Aim at the base of the fire."

That's the servers.

If you hit those servers, you
kill our livestream, Jared.

I don't know what to do.

- Should we do verbal SWOT analysis?
- 298,000! 299,000!

Our check is burning.

He's drinking his own urine.
He's drinking his piss.

We're up over 300,000 viewers!

Hello? I'm down here! Hello?

Dinesh: Wait, who the fuck is that guy?

Wait, wait. They're rescuing him.

Why did it take you so long?

Wait. He shut it off.

290, 270... Everyone's leaving.

It's over.

Holy shit.

- We did it.
- We fucking did it.

We stayed online till the end.

Look at that. (laughing)

Fuck, yeah.

(laughing)

Oh!

I wonder if Richard got to see that.

Which is why I had no recourse

but to rule that, since Mr. Hendricks,

by his own admission, used Hooli equipment

to facilitate the
development of Pied Piper,

then pursuant to California Labor Code,

Hooli has a right to ownership
of Pied Piper's underlying IP.

(chattering) Congrats.

Congratulations.

- Very well done.
- Congratulations.

Richard, I'm sorry.

I really am.

We're now at 78 viewers,

which still seems high. Like,
who's watching a blank screen?

- We never went down, gents.
- (phone buzzes)

Anton really carried us.

Dinesh: One, still a weird name,

and two, this was a win
for our software stack.

Your software can choke
on my fat fucking balls.

Guys...

Richard just texted me.

He says delete it.

- What?
- He says,

"We just lost. It's my
company. Delete it all. Now."

Motherfucker.

Now, Pied Piper, you conceded
on all of these minor counts.

Accordingly, on the count
of wrongful solicitation,

I find Richard Hendricks did indeed

breach his contract with Hooli

when he hired away a Hooli
employee, one Donald Dunn,

AKA Jared, AKA O.J., apparently.

But this is where things get interesting.

Mr. Belson, there is
language in this contract

that the California Supreme
Court has deemed unlawful.

Preventing Mr. Dunn from
seeking employment elsewhere

is a violation of his rights.

Are you aware of this?

I was not, but I'm willing
to drop that count altogether

if it makes things easier.

Well, here's the thing.

This clause was unlawful
when you included it

in Mr. Hendricks' employment agreement.

Right. As I said, I'm willing
to just move past this.

See, again, I don't think you understand.

If Mr. Hendricks hadn't hired Mr. Dunn,

or you hadn't pursued him for that hire,

I'm not sure I would've
noticed the violation.

But you did, so I did.

What's happening?

Justice, baby.

And what I find is,

this is an unenforceable contract.

It is null and void.

So, effectively, Mr. Hendricks never had

a valid employment agreement with Hooli.

As a result, Hooli has no claim

to ownership of Pied Piper's underlying IP.

That is my ruling

and per your arbitration agreement,

it is binding and final.

Thank you, everyone.

What the fuck just happened? We lost?

You gotta be fucking kidding me!

We won.

We won, right? I mean, Pied Piper is ours?

Richard, not long ago, emergency workers

pulled me out of the flaming
wreckage of my Mercury Grand Marquis.

All right.

Today, you pulled me out of
the flaming wreckage of my life,

and those flames burn far hotter.

- Sure.
- For that, I thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I used to take a tampon,
soak it in grain alcohol,

and stick it up into my rectum.
That got me high, Richard,

but not half as high as
the drug you just gave me.

You know what that drug's called?

No.

A second chance.

Right on.

Uh...

Well, thank you. You did great.

Great job.

Wow! I mean, I totally thought
we were gonna lose that.

I actually told the guys to...

Oh my god.

All right, I just wrote a mod of DBAN.

As soon as we run it, it will
delete the entire code repository.

Pied Piper will literally vanish.

- (phone beeping)
- Wait, what? What?

No. No, no, no. Fuck!

Are we sure we have to do this?

You read the text, Jared.

If anything had changed, Richard
would have called by now. Right?

Shit, no! Goddammit.

(thunks, clattering)

So all you have to do is press that button,

and the entire platform's obliterated.

And no one will ever be able to recover it.

Yep, one click and poof.

"The power to destroy a thing

"is the absolute control over it."

Frank Herbert, "Dune."

All right then. Here we go.

Three, two, one...

Wait, wait.

Shouldn't we drink one
last toast to Pied Piper

before we burn it to the fucking ground?

All right. As long as God
isn't involved and there's beer.

Okay. Okay.

But if we're claiming this
happened before the ruling,

we should do it quickly.

Damn. Hey, I need to use your phone.

Sorry, I can only allow that for customers.

I'm just gonna use it.

Shit.

I don't know any of their
numbers. They're all on my phone.

Goddammit. Fuck.

I need to use your phone to email my friend

so he doesn't delete Pied Piper.

Please.

Bus? Okay.

All: To Pied Piper.

Wait, is this a wheat beer?

I can't drink this without a lemon.

Noah's got a lemon tree.
Fuck him over one last time?

Okay, but then we're...
then we're gonna do it.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for
letting me use your phone.

Just one e-mail and I'm done, I swear.

As long as you don't shit,
piss, or puke on my bus,

it's all good.

Okay.

I hope it's not weird that the
email's coming from your account.

(computer dings)

I did not know lemon trees had thorns.

Wait.

This one has like a bruise on it.

No response. Nothing.

Fuck.

Hey, thanks.

Don't get that shitty one.
Get that nice one up there.

Yeah, I think the ferrets have
nibbled some of the lower ones.

Okay, there's no way I could
have squirted this lemon

in your eye on purpose from this distance.

I'm not a fucking lemon sniper.

You'd be more of a lemon suicide bomber.

- (knocking frantically) Guys.
- Guys! It's Richard.

Why is he knocking? He has my keys.

We need to delete it before he comes in.

Let me in!

Richard. Richard.

Don't delete it.

Don't delete it.

Did you delete it?

Oops.

Oops?

What does that mean? Oops?

You said "delete."

Fuck.

Oh, wait.

- Hold on.
- What?

Gilfoyle, what's happening? What?

That's weird. Kernel panic.
The whole system just crashed.

So, what does that mean?

Did you delete Pied Piper or not?

Nope.

(sighs) We definitely did not.

All thanks to Dinesh's garbage code.

The software you wrote to delete
our software just shit the bed.

No surprise.

No, my software's fine. It's 'cause
it's running on your shit hardware.

My hardware handled
everything else just fine...

- It caught fucking fire!
- Until your shit software

spread like a virus and killed it.

- Restart it.
- Oh, I will restart it.

No, don't restart it. Don't restart it.

We won.

We won?

- We won?
- Yeah, we beat Gavin Belson,

and we won.

Holy shit.

(laughing)

We won.

What the fuck happened here?

Magic.

Gilfoyle's shit hardware caught fire.

No, 'cause your shit
software was slowing it down.

And then Erlich coded
and it gave me chills.

Gilfoyle made a hole in the wall. Look!

- I did.
- It was frightening.

You hear he just lost the Pied Piper suit?

That's nothing. They're saying half
of all Hooli employment agreements

may be legally invalid.

You don't think the board
will get rid of him, do you?

Maybe.

- Two, please.
- Sure, coming right up.

I'm hearing a lot of chatter about
that Nelson Bighetti guy over at XYZ.

I mean, three promotions in a year?

President of Hooli
Cancer and AIDS societies?

That doesn't just happen.

He must be smart as hell.

Gavin, come in.

Motherfuck.

Wait, what?

I am rarely wrong about these things.

You have an aura about you.

An aura that if carefully
managed by someone

with the necessary spiritual expertise,

could be harnessed to great effect.

Okay.

Russ: Monica.

Russ, what are you doing here?

Question. What's got two
thumbs and three commas?

This guy.

- What?
- Yeah.

Like, 10 minutes after
boy genius won his lawsuit,

your boss lady gave me a
call. We just did a deal.

She put me back over a "B."

Mmm.

It means a billion.

Yeah, got it.

I got a lot of cars, you know,

if you want to go for a drive some time.

Got my own.

Does it go like this?

Does it go like this? No?

Think about it.

Laurie, I just ran into
Russ Hanneman leaving.

He said you made him some kind of a deal.

Yes.

He was substantially
difficult. Truly repugnant.

And when we finalized our agreement,
he described his erection to me.

But in the end,

I managed to buy 100% of
his interest in Pied Piper.

Let us never speak of him again.

Well, that is fine by me,

and I'm so glad you got
him away from Pied Piper.

I mean, now that their
suit has been resolved,

I think that they're about to
become something really special.

Their core technology, it's visionary.

- Absolutely.
- Also,

the entirety of their recent stumbles

with Homicide, with Intersite,

with the very decision to pursue video

instead of more pioneering applications.

This was all rooted in human error,

which is why I found it prudent
to secure Hanneman's shares,

his voting rights, and most
critically, his board seats.

Right. Russ has two board seats.

He did.

Now, Hendricks votes one,

Bachman votes one,

and we, at Raviga,

we vote three.

That is a majority.

We can now take the necessary steps

to ensure that Pied
Piper is properly managed.

What... What're you saying?

I don't understand.

Monica, I believe you do.

(chanting) Always blue! Always blue!

Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!

(yelling)

That was a long one.

- It's not the first time I've heard that.
- (phone buzzing)

Monica, what's up? When
are you getting here?

The party has already started,
and it's getting pretty crazy.

You have to smoke weed.

- What's wrong?
- This is the best day of my life.

- Um, okay.
- And yet, no girls.

- There's nothing to it, it's just luck.
- Okay, well, then do it.

Beat my 43.

- Beat my 43.
- I'd like to smoke weed.

That's the difference between you
and me, you smoke weed all day,

I learn a valuable skill.

Richard, are you okay?

Yeah, who died?

Um...

What just happened?

Well, apparently, Raviga
held an emergency meeting

of Pied Piper's Board of Directors...

Oh, no.

And they voted to remove me

as CEO of my own company.

I just got fired.

And what about me?

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