All language subtitles for Silicon Valley s02e01 Sand Hill Shuffle.eng

(people chattering)

(dramatic music playing)

(grunts) Ah! Fuck. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Whoa. You okay there, Richard?

(jazz music playing) Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

Sorry, I can't really throw it any slower.

Give it another cut, Richard.

No, I'm fine. I don't want to.

Maybe someone else wants to. Who's next?

If someone has to go, I'll go,
but it seems very frightening.

You sure? You got us for the whole hour.

- Anyone?
- Would it hurt your feelings if no one went?

Man on P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the annual
Stern-Taylor fall classic.

I'd like to start by making a toast
to our very special guest tonight,

Richard Hendricks.

Richard, after your perfect game

at TechCrunch Disrupt a few weeks ago,

we fell in love with you and your tech.

Look, we know everyone in
the Valley is after you,

and we know that you're probably
going to go with Peter Gregory,

but we'd love to have you
come play on our team.

Let Stern-Taylor Capital Fund
in on your Series A financing,

because together, Richard, we'd be...

a home... run!

(organ plays "Charge") (applause)

- Oh, right.
- What do you say, Richard?

I'll... I'll do what I can.

(scattered applause) All right.

Have fun, everybody.

(jazz music playing)

I don't know, man. It's
starting to feel weird

letting all these firms suck up to us, even
though we're not gonna take their money.

Richard, Peter Gregory hasn't
officially given us the term sheet yet.

Yes, but he will tomorrow when he gets back.

If you can't enjoy this many people

kissing our ass at this level,

then I feel sorry for you.

Would you just relax and
take it in for a second?

I mean, we are getting our
dicks sucked at the AT&T Park.

We're standing on the field
of the World Series champions.

- It's totally lost on me.
- Yeah, I don't give a shit, either.

Hey! I'm Nicole Stein.

I lead the Growth Team at Stern-Taylor.

- Oh, I'm Dinesh.
- I'm Gilfoyle.

I love it. So what do
you two do at Pied Piper?

- I'm the CTO.
- Ha ha, he's joking. I'm the CTO.

Fuck you, I'm joking.

Okay, how could you be the
Chief Technology Officer?

I get it. You hear the word "chief,"
and you think "Indian Chief."

- but you're the other kind of Indian.
- Okay. One, Fuck you.

I'm Pakistani. And two, how
could you be CTO of anything?

You have to be able to organize, you have to
be able to delegate, and you have to be...

I delegate you to go get me a
fucking beer while I talk to Nicole.

George Silver, operating
partner at Stern-Taylor.

So, what do you do at Pied Piper?

He's the CTO.

(music continues)

That's Drew Houston. We've been circling
each other for the last 20 minutes.

Ooh, the Winklevoss twins.

Look at them. They're like two
genetically enhanced Ken dolls.

Do you know how much bitcoin they're worth?

Oh, shit, they're splitting up.

Cameron's the left dominant one, right?

- I can't tell them apart.
- I'm gonna come at him from the right side,

try and herd them back
together without spooking them.

Watch this. Cameron! Cameron!

- Okay.
- Well, well, well, look who's the big swinging dick.

Hey, Javeed, everything okay at Goolybib?

You gotta ask them. They canned me.

- What?
- Yeah, our investors got spooked

by a possible down round, so they
shoved an acquisition down my throat.

Yeah, an acquisition of $200 million, right?

Yeah, they all made out. I had
a reverse vest with no triggers,

then I lost all my shares when they fired me.

I blew my whole signing
bonus renting that house.

I'm looking into suing 'em.

- Jeez.
- Look, all I can say is,

don't get fucked, all right?

You take money from the wrong dudes,

and you'll get smoked as bad as I did.

Just be careful. Everyone
is watching you now.

Yeah. Totally. I know. Thanks, Javeed.

(emphatically) No, I mean
they're watching you right now.

(organ plays "Charge") (fireworks exploding)

Oh yeah. (cheers, applause)

Damn it. Where is that camera?

(theme music playing)

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Dinesh: I can't believe how
many gifts we're getting.

Gilfoyle: Gifts I'm getting.

That Oculus rig is addressed to the CTO.

No, I'm the CTO.

As your superior, I order
you to give me that Oculus.

You can't make me do stuff.
You're not the boss of me.

- Actually, I am the boss of you.
- Okay.

- Richard, tell him I'm CTO.
- Dinesh: You already told that fat guy that I'm the CTO.

Stop, stop, stop. Please stop.

I have a ton of work to
do. You have work to do.

Maybe let's do the work instead of that.

Jared, we were supposed
to get a term sheet today.

Have we heard from Peter
Gregory? (keyboard clicks)

- Peter Gregory is dead.
- What?

(keyboard clicks)

Holy shit.

He was the smartest, shrewdest...

(scoffs) strangest man I've ever known.

I can't believe that he's gone.

(clears throat) Can I asked what happened?

Yeah. He was...

in the Serengeti on safari...

- Ah.
- and he had just gone into his tent

when a hippo wandered into the camp.

Oh, wow.

He was attacked by a hippo?

No, I guess the hippo started to charge

when the guide grabbed his
rifle and shot at it, but...

his aim was off, and...

And he shot Peter Gregory by accident?

- Yeah.
- No, he... he missed...

but I guess the sound of the
gun startled Peter, who...

ran out of his tent and...

Ran right into the hippo?

No, the hippo was also startled by the noise

and had run off prior to
Peter exiting his tent.

So, what happened to Peter?

He hadn't run in a long time,

maybe ever, and you know, he just...

That was it.

Oh, that is so... very
strange. (clears throat)

- Very sad and tragic.
- Very sad and strange.

Richard: Wow.

Man, that is so weird. I mean,
one minute Peter Gregory is here,

- the next, he's just gone.
- Jared, it's Erlich.

I need you to set up all
the other VC meetings, ASAP.

Line 'em up nuts to butts.

What are you doing? Monica just
said they're still gonna fund us.

- We should just sit tight.
- Look, I loved Peter Gregory

maybe even more than he loved me,

but there's something you need to know here,

something that Monica isn't
exactly volunteering up,

and that's all of these one-man
firms have a key man clause.

- Do you know what that means?
- No.

It means that now that Peter Gregory is gone,

all the Raviga investors have the
contractual right to cash out and walk away,

which means that by the end of the
day, there may not be a Raviga.

- Seriously?
- Yes, so we have to prepare for that.

Now, I know that it makes me
sound like a terrible person,

but we have a company to
run. And do you know who

the first person to agree with me would be?

Peter Gregory.

_

Woman: And that is the very first spot

in our new campaign heralding
the upcoming release

of Nucleus this January at CES.

- Any questions?
- I have a question.

That was horrible. I just got
humiliated by a fucking teenager

at TechCrunch Disrupt, and
you give me this tampon ad?

- A girl with diabetes on a swing?
- I think she has cancer.

At least that's how I read it.

I don't care what kind of disease she had!

All I care about is that Nucleus
is better than Pied Piper.

Hendricks just left us all in the dust.

If we get this wrong, we could blow
the business opportunity of a lifetime!

Data creation is exploding.

With all the selfies and useless files

people refuse to delete on the cloud,

92% of the world's data

was created in the last two years alone.

At the current rate, the
world's data storage capacity

will be overtaken by next spring.

It will be nothing short of a catastrophe.

Data shortages, data
rationing, data black markets.

Someone's compression will save
the world from data-geddon,

and it sure as hell better be
Nucleus and not goddamn Pied Piper!

I don't know about you people,

but I don't wanna live in
a world where someone else

makes the world a better
place better than we do.

"Data-geddon." Is he married to that, or...?

There's just been a lot of "geddons" lately.

That's true. "Snow-mageddon," "Car-mageddon."

There's that movie "Armageddon."

Laurie, you wanted to see me?

Monica, come in, come in.
I'm sure you've heard by now

that I've been named our
new managing partner.

Yes. Congratulations.

Did the limited partners tell
you how they made their decision?

Oh, they looked at the portfolio performances

of each of the senior partners
over the last several funds,

and my numbers were,
objectively, the most favorable.

- Therefore, I was selected.
- Yeah, it's just managing partner

is all about meeting with people
and interacting with people.

You can sit down if you
want to. Do you want to?

- Oh.
- Or should we stand?

Uh, I... whatever... I'm standing...

- Okay.
- But you don't have to.

- Okay.
- Would it make you feel awkward to sit?

I'm okay to stand.

Monica... Of course.

Peter Gregory is dead.

Yes, I know.

On a personal note, his death is very sad.

But on a professional level, it's untenable.

I've been reviewing his files.

He was pursuing a number of
extremely dubious positions.

Are you aware that we own a $30
million ostrich farm in Morocco,

or that we are the majority stakeholders

in three companies that
specialize in invisibility?

This box is filled with
napkins covered with notes

detailing Peter's conviction that
genetically-modified cranberry fungus

- would become the next cotton.
- That... That one I remember, yes.

- Monica.
- Mm-hmm.

Peter Gregory is dead.

- Yes.
- We need to seem competitive,

now more than ever, to our investors
as well as to the industry at large.

Well, I mean, Pied Piper is probably the
hottest early investment in town right now,

- and we have them.
- Do we?

But why then are they speaking to other firms

- about investing in their Series A?
- No, no, I just told them

to sit tight for a day or two
until we sorted things out.

It seems that that advanced
a sense of uncertainty,

and now we're at risk of losing their round.

This could jeopardize the firm

and, by extension, your career here,
Monica, as an associate partner.

- Well, I guess I was just kind of in shock.
- Monica...

(sighs)

Peter Gregory is dead.

Yes. I know.

(Erlich chuckles) This is great.

Do you know how many times
I've gone into these rooms

with nothing but a half of an ass in my hand?

We're walking in there with three-foot
cocks covered in Elvis dust.

- Really?
- Richard Hendricks? They're ready for you.

- This is a fucking layup, guys.
- Okay, let's do this.

Not you, Jared.

Now, with proper funding, we
should be able to put together

a functioning beta in time for CES

and compress Nucleus out of the marketplace.

(both chuckle)

Yeah.

I don't know.

You don't... What?

It just doesn't seem worked out to me.

Well, I mean, it was worked out
enough to win TechCrunch Disrupt.

Yes, and congratulations, you won 50 grand,

but you're asking us for 200 times that.

Richard, look, we all
know about your amazing...

compression rate, but
let's not be naive here.

You can't expect to just
throw money at an algorithm

and beat one of the largest
tech companies in the world,

so why don't you rework this a little

and come back in with a little more?

Maybe next week?

- And?
- That was really weird.

I guess we don't have as much
Elvis dust on us as I thought.

You see? This is why I wanted
to go with Peter Gregory.

This is bullshit. That guy
throws this huge party for us

and then acts like he doesn't even want us?

I fucking hate parties. And he's just,
"Come back next week when you have more."

More? More than 5.2 on Weissman?

(scoffs) No. No.

Fuck that guy. Fuck this
place. Fuck this whole place.

- Watch me fuck this place.
- No, wait! Wait, wait!

Hey. Remember when you told me
to come back when I had more?

And then I said I would?
Well, I'm not going to.

Ever. This doesn't count.

I'm covered in dust. I'm a three-foot dick,

and I've got half an ass
to go to some other company

who's never gonna put me on a
Jumbotron or throw balls at me.

Bye.

Are you feeling unwell? Do you need protein?

I don't know what happened.

Between Peter dying and
Raviga maybe being gone,

I just... I just wanna get
funded and build Pied Piper.

I hate this part.

Well, if one thing is for sure... (sighs)

if we're gonna get any traction, I need
to step up my game. (cellphone chimes)

It's an email from Ron LaFlamme.

"Just got a term sheet from Stern-Taylor.

"They offered five million

"at 25 million post-money valuation.

- "More than I thought."
- Shit. They were negging us.

- Negging?
- Negging is going negative.

It's a manipulative sex strategy
used by lonely chauvinists.

See, everybody wants us.
By shitting all over us,

they try and bring our price down,

but you shitting all over them

counteracted them shitting all over us.

You negged a neg. Richard,
this could be good.

Where do we have next? Ross-Loma Capital.

Should I keep doing it?
Should I keep negging?

No, no, I'll handle this.

If they want to negotiate
using hostility and rudeness...

well, they picked the wrong guy.

Well, you see, our main concern

is how you're going to achieve escape
velocity on your growth rate...

(chuckling) hit critical mass.

I'm sorry. What... What's funny?

It's just that painting behind you.

It's awful.

It looks like harlequin
Kama Sutra done poorly.

So, I agree,

bad culture fit.

- I think we all just move on.
- Look, I didn't say anything about a culture fit.

No, I did.

Okay. Well...

thank you for meeting with us.

We have a bunch of these things to go to,

hopefully with more tasteful artwork,

and your logo looks like a sideways vagina.

I find that to be racist, don't you?

Okay, here's my concern...
Here's my concern...

Who the hell picked out that shirt for you?

- What?
- Oh, I see.

With the pants, so I guess it's a whole...

- thing.
- My wife picked these out.

Then you married poorly.

Do you care about Pied Piper?

Do I care about Pied Piper? Well, of course.

'Cause if you do, I'm not seeing it.

In fact, what I think I'm
seeing is the human equivalent

of a "flassid" penis.

"Flak-sid." It's actually
pronounced "flak-sid."

Not a lot of people know that.

Well, we are definitely interested,

but I think we need to...

I'm sorry. Is something wrong?

No, this is... all wrong.

I am sensing a general lack of vision.

Your muffins smell like shit.

So do your ideas.

One of you is the least
attractive person I've ever seen,

and I'm not gonna say who.

Should we leave or should you?

We just got offered eight at 40.

We're five for five, gentlemen.

And Galveston Capital Fund and
Yountville Ventures called.

They want to move their meetings
up before everyone else.

Hey, let me try. I want to
be rude at this next one.

Go for it.

So, with some proper funding,

we should be able to get a
functioning beta in time for CES.

And if you don't fund us,

you're a fucking slut.

(music stops)

Ah. What's that smell?

Is that a fart? You... Are you a farter?

Now, can I have a pastry? Or
are you guys gonna eat 'em all?

'Cause you're gonna get fat.

It's not your fault, Richard. This is
just something that can't be taught,

so leave the next one to me. I
can feel a big one coming on.

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm not sure yet, but give me room.

There's something inside
of me that has to come out,

and who am I to stop it?

(computer beeps)

His balls?

He put his balls on the table?

- Right on the table.
- On purpose?

I don't see how it could be by accident.

Richard, I just got an email
from the guys at Midland-Oak.

Apparently, there is a
line, and I crossed it...

The line between $12 and $15 million!

Ba-bam! Midland-Oak's offer just came in.

Gentlemen, we are valued at
75 million, fully diluted.

- Are you shitting me?
- Take a look at these term sheets.

There is a linear correlation
between how intolerable I was

and the height of valuation.

Hey, you guys. This is Laurie Bream,

the new managing partner at Raviga.

Hi. I'm Richard Hendricks.

Yes. I recognize you from your photograph.

It's very nice to meet you in person.

- Yeah.
- Okay, so we did that.

Gentlemen, I am aware of
the degree of interest

you are receiving from other firms.

I am aware that participation
in your Series A will require

a very competitive offer,
but for numerous reasons,

I believe it to be the prudent decision.

Now I am

presenting you with this.

20 million at $100 million valuation?

- I don't, uh...
- This is way more than any other offer.

Correct. That is very much intentional.

So, I believe that
satisfies your requirements?

Monica will arrange a time
to formalize the details.

Thank you. Have a good day.

Uh, thank you.

Yes. (chuckles)

Congratulations, guys. I am so glad...

(car engine starts) Oh,
shit. She's my ride home.

- I'll call you, Richard.
- Yeah, okay.

Wait! Laurie, hold on! Thanks for stopping...

(guys laughing)

Guys, I think we're funded.

- Yes! Richie!
- Oh, yeah!

(urine pattering)

Erlich: So, I push my dick to the
side, unbutton the bottom buttons,

(laughter) and bam!

- Ah! What are you doing?
- Shit. Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

(stammers) Meet me on the side of the house.

- I... okay.
- Okay. Go.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?

If anyone finds out that I came
back here, I will get fired, okay?

Okay.

- Don't take this deal.
- What?

You are worth half that at best.

Oh. Wow. Thanks for the compliment.

No. The credit to you guys.
You negotiated your asses off,

but this is a classic runaway valuation.

What's wrong with that?

Pied Piper will be tied
to this crazy valuation

that you will never be able to live up to.

If you don't keep increasing
in value in the next round,

if you have a down round, you are fucked.

It is the kiss of death for a young CEO.

You want to start with a realistic valuation

and grow at a reasonable pace.

Okay, well, if it's such a shitty deal,

then why did your boss offer it to us?

Because she's as competitive as hell.

She needs Pied Piper to
keep Raviga afloat, Richard.

- Okay.
- Look, I respect Laurie,

but this is the exact type
of thing Peter never did.

Richard, come on. I own shares in Pied Piper.

If this high a valuation
was good in the long-term,

would I be standing here, risking my job?

Don't take our offer. Maybe go
with the lowest offer you got.

Even that might be too high.

Again, thank you for the compliment.

Also... I didn't see anything

- in there.
- No. Yeah, thank you.

I was gonna say if you had,
you'd have to show me yours, too.

(chuckles nervously)

Umm... (clears throat)

- Okay.
- Okay. Thanks for the...

(clicking)

_

Yeah, sorry about that party.

I was in kind of a bad way that night.

And truth is... I'm actually doing okay.

- Good. That's great.
- Yeah.

I mean, I could run the scenarios
about what happened all I want,

but... I finally just
realized there's just nothing

- I could do, you know?
- Yeah. but... I finally just realized there's just nothing

- I could do, you know?
- Yeah.

So... I'm at peace with it all.

I was thinking, actually...

What if you had asked for less?

- What?
- Well, what if you could've gone to someone

and asked for less than what
they offered that first round?

You mean, like, negotiating them down?

- Yeah.
- Can... Can you even do that?

- Well, yeah. I mean, why not?
- Yeah, but...

I mean, I guess, technically, I could have...

- Mmm.
- Huh.

Yeah, I suppose you could argue
that it might've been easier

to hit more realistic benchmarks

- and reach cash flow break-even.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

And then... (sighs)

we wouldn't have faced that down round...

and... we...

wouldn't have had to settle for acquisition.

All that money...

- fucked me.
- Wow. I mean, I don't know about...

- Shit!
- Maybe.

- Look... Hey.
- No, no, no. We could've done a legit Series B.

Right? I'd still be CEO.

I'd have my job,

my kick-ass house.

I'd probably still have my girlfriend...

and...

- Fuck!
- Okay.

Why the fuck didn't anyone
tell me I could take less?

I don't know. I don't know.

- Ideas come up and then...
- Fuck!

Thanks for meeting me.

Fuck!

Richard.

Richard, I'm Laurie Bream. I
was inside your home yesterday.

Have you made a decision
regarding our proposal?

Uh, yeah, yeah, we'll go with you guys,

but we need to renegotiate the terms.

Oh, I'm afraid that's untenable.

We're offering as much money as we can.

No, no, we wanna go lower. We want less...

A lot less, actually.

We'll go with Raviga if you guys do

10 million at a 50 million valuation,

not 20 at 100.

I think this is more reasonable,

and it's my final offer. Take it or leave it.

I was not anticipating this,

but I think it will be workable from our end.

And one more thing... Monica
votes for Raviga's board seat.

Certainly that seems unimportant.

I will telephone your lawyer tomorrow,

- and we can speak about the relevant details.
- Good.

(blues music playing)

Peter was one of the few
who genuinely took action

to use technology to help humanity thrive.

But how exactly can we quantify

another human's contributions to mankind?

Let's break it down into its
three component elements.

(clicking)

I met Peter when he was thinking about
investing in my company, Zetasphere,

although I think he was hesitant after his
disappointing initial return from Snapchat.

He came on board, anyway, and
every month we would meet.

Peter was always an honest man,

and I know that if Peter
were here with us today,

he would say that he was not
disappointed in Snapchat,

and he would forgive you, Lev,
for your misunderstanding.

That's just the kind of guy that Peter was...

Warm, generous,

and not disappointed in Snapchat.

(clears throat) I'll never forget
the first time I met Peter.

It was in his mom's garage,

where we started our
first business together...

Manufacturing VGA graphics
cards for IBM clones.

We never looked back.

And you know, the last time I saw him,

it was at a restaurant, not a
half-mile away from that same garage.

We talked as old friends do.

He asked me about Jackson Hole,

I asked him about... Pilates.

And yet... something was wrong.

Underneath it all, there
was an unmistakable tension.

A tension I will forever regret.

It's no secret Peter and
I had our differences.

We let business get between us.

Now?

Now I wish I could say I'm sorry for that.

It's too late. He's gone,

and it makes me realize the
importance of forgiveness,

of doing things with love
and compassion in your heart,

and not vengeance and competition.

I mean, we owe that to each other, don't we?

And to him?

After all, this valley is the
place Peter himself helped build.

Where we come together as dreamers,

all of us, to truly make
the world a better place.

This is Florence during the Renaissance.

This is Camelot.

This is the place Peter himself
called "the cradle of innovation."

(sighs) I will miss my friend.

Bye, Pete.

Maybe he is a human, after all.

(phone chimes)

Sorry.

It's from Ron LaFlamme.

Gavin Belson is suing you.

"Filed claims today that you
stole Pied Piper from Hooli."

Shit.

(hip-hop music playing)

Gavin Belson is suing us.

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