All language subtitles for Silicon Valley s01e01 Minimum Viable Product.eng

[rock music playing]

[kid rock] whoo. Yeah.

Somebody make some
motherfucking noise in here!

Fuck these people.

- [mellow music playing]
- [chatter]

Man, this place
is unbelievable.

Fucking goolybib, man.

Those guys build
a mediocre piece of software,

That might be worth
something someday,

And now they live here.

There's money flying
all over silicon valley

But none of it ever
seems to hit us.

What the hell
are you eating?

Liquid shrimp.
It's 200 dollars a quart.

Wylie dufresne made it.

How does it taste?

Like how I would imagine
cum tastes.

You guys taking it all in?

Because this is what
it looks like when

Google acquires your company
for over 200 million dollars.

Look dustin moskovitz.

Elon musk. Eric schmidt.

Whatever the fuck the guy's name
is who created photrio.

I mean, kid rock
is the poorest person here.

Apart from you guys.

Ok, there's 40 billion dollars

Of net worth,
walking around this party.

And you guys are standing
around drinking shrimp

And talking about
what cum tastes like.

Yeah, I heard that. You guys
live in my incubator

You've got to network.
That's why I brought you here.

I got us in here.

Javeed over there
is my ex-room-mate.

Yeah, but I drove.

Eric schmidt, erlich bachman.

It's amazing how the men
and women at these things

Always separate like this.

Yeah, every party in
silicon valley ends up like a hasidic wedding.

Not even the goolybib guys
were talking to girls.

They don't have to,
big head.

This house talks to girls.

[glass clinking]

Hello! Whoo!

I got seven words for you.

I love

Goolybib's integrated-

Multi-platform-functionality!

- yeah! Whoo!
- [low applause]

But seriously,

You know, a few days ago,
when we were sitting down with barak obama,

I turned to these
guys and said,

"ok, you know, we're making
a lot of money.

And yes, we're disrupting
digital media.

But most importantly

We're making the world
a better place.

Through
constructing elegant

Hierarchies for maximum
code reuse and extensibility."

So everyone.

Here's to many more nights
just like this one.

Take it away,
my good friend, kid rock.

What a dick.

[electronic music playing]

Big head,
there is a personal ad section

On this asperger site.

Holy shit,
this one is looking for

A "relationship that
has the potential to become

Sexual in nature."

Boy, is she on the spectrum.

She can't even make eye
contact with the camera.

Richard, can I talk
to you for a second?

- solo.
- mm-hmm.

We need to talk
about pied piper.

What about it?
The website's up and running,

I'm just redesigning
the compression. It just needs users.

Yeah, no shit.

But even if somebody
wanted to use it

They wouldn't be able
to figure out how to. It's incomprehensible.

Now, richard,
when you pitched me

Pied piper you said it was
gonna be, "the google of music."

Which is a really rad
way to pitch something.

I mean, I liked it.
I thought it had "applications".

No, it has all that.
Look, when it blows up,

And it will once it reaches
a critical mass of users,

Pied piper will be able
to search the whole world

Of recorded music to find out
if there's a match to see if

You're infringing
on any copy righted material.

So, if you're a song writer
or a band...

Ok, first of all,
nobody gives a shit

About stealing
other people's music, ok?

Everybody involved
in the music industry

Is either stealing it
or sharing it.

They're all a bunch of assholes,
especially radiohead.

- look, richard...
- no.

Yeah, they're assholes.

Now, look, richard,
if you want to live here,

You've got to deliver.

I can't have dead weight
at my incubator, ok?

Either that, or show some
promise for fuck's sake.

Like nipalert. Big head's app.

It gives you the location
of a woman with erect nipples.

Now, that's something
people want.

Richard, you need to get
in touch with humanity.

When I sold my company,
aviato,

I wanted to give back.
That's why I started this place,

To do something big.
To make a difference.

You know, like steve.

Uh, jobs or wozniak?

Steve jobs or steve...

Oh, I heard you.

- which one?
- jobs.

I mean, jobs was a poser.
He didn't even write code.

You just disappeared
up your own asshole.

- you know that? You did.
- well, technically...

Big head,
I'm gonna be meditating.

He knew how to package
the ideas, but it was wozniak that...

What is hooli?
Excellent question.

Hooli isn't just
another high tech company.

Hooli isn't just
about software.

Hooli. Hooli is about people.

Hooli is about
innovative technology

That makes a difference,

Transforming the world
as we know it.

Making the world
a better place,

Through minimal message
oriented transport layers.

I firmly believe we can
only achieve greatness

If first
we achieve goodness.

Erlich is gonna
kick me out.

And I can't afford
to pay rent here.

It's insane. $2800 a month,

$4500 a month...
With five people.

Jesus! Why is it
so expensive here?

Look at this place,
it's a shithole.

Uh-oh. Here's another one.

Miss palo alto, 2k14.

There she goes.

Oh god, the marketing team
is having another bike meeting.

Douchebags.

Yup, another day inside the
gavin belson cult compound.

Hey, did you hear what
peter gregory is doing?

You mean buying that
island in the pacific?

No, he's building
one actually.

Baller.

Anyway, he's also offering
a hundred k

To people willing to skip
or drop out of college

To pursue their idea.

I don't know what
happened to that guy,

But he really
hates college.

Anyway, he's doing a ted talks
in palo alto tonight.

- we should try to get in.
- I dropped out of college.

Maybe I should re-enroll
and drop out again.

Try and get the money.

Brogrammers.

Oh, no, no.

Hey, uh, a double macchiato
for me, dude.

Yeah.

Hey, rico,
you been working out?

No. No, I have not.

I don't have time to
even if I wanted to.

I'm too busy
working on my website.

Uh, I just, I don't want to
end up being a hooli lifer.

You know,
working here forever.

Yeah, working for the most
innovative company in the world,

With top pay
and vested stock options.

I can totally see why
you wouldn't want that.

Yeah, you're like an artist.
An entrepreneur.

An iconoclast.

I don't know, maybe.

Dude, we're just
messing with you.

But we really want
to help you with your site.

What's it called?

Pied piper.

- dude, sounds amazing.
- yeah.

Why don't you shoot it over
to us and we'll give it a look.

Maybe we can help.

- uh, really?
- yeah.

Ok, yeah.

I mean it's always good
to have more eyes on it.

It's... Sent it.

Oh, you're making fun of me.

- dude, no.
- no, you are.

- aw, ricky, man.
- ricky. Ricky, come back.

It's actually richard,
so that's...

- pied wiper.
- wide diaper.

Gates, ellison,

Jobs, dell.

All dropped out of college.

Silicon valley
is the cradle of innovation

Because of drop outs.

College... Has become a cruel

Expensive joke
on the poor

And the middle class

That benefits only
the perpetrators of it.

- the bloated administrators.
- you are a dangerous man,

Spewing ignorance!

I don't think so.

I'm just saying people
should trust themselves

More than a system that happily
churns out unemployed debtors

And provides dubious value.

The true value of a college
education is intangible.

The true value of snake-oil
is intangible as well.

[laughter]

Fascist.

Anything?

The usual riffs
on twitter and instagram.

Nothing I'd fund.

- hi, excuse me, mr. Gregory?
- [sighs]

I have an idea I'd love
to pitch you, if you have time.

Oh.

Well, that is before I just
give up and go back to college.

Don't! Do not do that.

Go work at burger king.

Go into the woods and forage
for nuts and berries.

Do not go back to college!

I think I have been played.

Fine. Go ahead and pitch.

You have until I fasten
the seatbelt in my car.

Thank you so much.

Pied piper is a proprietary
site that lets you find out

If your music is infringing
on any existing copyrights.

So, imagine you were
a song writer, ok?

I don't think
I could write a song.

Yeah, no, just imagine
if you were.

I don't even think
I could say, "pied piper is a proprietary site."

Well, I just did
but it wasn't easy.

Crunching all those songs

To find matches sounds
like it would take incredible processing power.

- I mean...
- yes.

Yes, it does.

No, no. Its...
I made an algorithm.

Look, why don't you send me
a link to your project and we'll take a look.

Ok, yeah, great.

I put the prototype
up on github.

Pied piper. I'll look it up.

It's like the fable
with the kids

And then the rats
and the music.

That is a narrow car.

Fucking billionaires.

Hey, wanna check
out twig-boy's website?

Yes, I do.

You have to download
your own media player?

Ahh.

Look at me,
I traveled back to 2009.

Wait a sec.

What is this file size?

1.2 megabytes? No way.

Wow, that doesn't
sound at all downgraded.

The file size is like, half.

And look how fast
this search is.

Holy shit, how did it
find a match that fast?

It's like it's searching
compressed files?

No way.

[rock music playing]

Look at that weissman score.

2.89.

Hey, where have you two been?

We're playing the multi-channel
router team in five minutes.

Ok, how the hell
did he do this?

And the compression
is totally lossless.

And he's somehow figured out
a way to do a search on a compressed data space.

- holy shit.
- yeah.

And I don't think he even
realizes what he has here.

He's using it
for some silly songwriter app.

All these guys are like that,
they're all about consumer facing.

Right, but you take
something like this,

Make it business facing
and use it for enterprise?

The applications
could be endless.

Hey, I thought you
were a satanist?

I'm a laveyan satanist

With some theistic tendencies.

Oh, some theistic
tendencies.

Well then,
what's with the cross?

It's an upside down cross.

Not from here it isn't.

Oh, I see, you know
what you should do?

You should get another tattoo
that says, "this side up" on it.

How does this
translate into farsi?

That's not
the language I speak.

[erlich]
frontier airlines just happened to like mine, aviato.

And that's how
I got to where I am.

So... What do you got?

Ok, here it is.

Bit soup.

It's like alphabet soup but

It's ones and zeros
instead of the letters.

'cause it's binary. You know,
binary is just ones and zeroes.

Yeah, I know what binary is.

Jesus christ! I memorized
the hexadecimal times tables

When I was 14
writing machine code!

Ok. Ask me what nine
times f is.

It's fleventyfive.

I do not need you
telling me what binary is,

Just like I don't need you
thinking about soup or taking pictures of it.

I need you thinking about
apps, software, websites.

This is silicon valley,
all right, not...

...Paris, texas.

That's where campbell's soup is.

- [cell phone ringing]
- [chatter on computer]

[sighs]
it's the hooli number again.

It's probably those
brogrammers.

Can't wait to tell me
how stupid my website is.

Assholes.

Hello, richard hendricks.
I'm a total fucking retard.

Uh. Hi, this is jared dunn
calling from hooli.

I'm calling
a behalf of gavin belson.

I didn't... Hi.

Gavin is very excited about
your pied piper application

And we were wondering
if you could come in

For a sit-down with us.

- are you available now.
- ok.

- sure. Yes.
- ok, we'll be here.

[stutters] good-bye.

Uh, I have a meeting
with gavin belson.

He likes pied piper.

- holy shit.
- I own 10 percent of pied piper.

You said it was
a shitty idea.

It was a shitty idea.

I'm not sure what it is now.

- what time's the meeting?
- right now.

I'm gonna need
a better shirt.

Holy shit.

What the fuck
am I waiting for? See ya.

Well, it's like gavin
always says, "it takes change to make change."

Yeah, I think I've seen
that written around.

- hey.
- hi.

Gavin is running 30 minutes late

But you should know he is very
excited to see you, richard.

He's with his spiritual advisor.

He shouldn't be
that much longer.

I'm a vp here and I
only get to see him about ten minutes a month.

But that 10 minutes
is just incredible.

I heard richard hendricks
was here.

Have you ever
met gavin before?

- no.
- no?

Oh, I told him,
it's amazing.

That hardly begins
to describe it.

It's weird.

They always travel
in groups of five.

These programmers, there's
always a tall skinny white guy,

Short skinny asian guy,

Fat guy with a ponytail,

Some guy with
crazy facial hair

And then an
east indian guy.

It's like they trade guys until
they all have the right group.

You clearly have a great
understanding of humanity.

And gavin said:
I'm not humiliating you,

I'm elevating you.

Ah, gavin.

[cell phone ringing]

This is richard.

It's peter gregory.

Ah, no.

Come on, big head.

Yeah, I'm coming. Slow...

Why are you going that fast?

We've got a meeting with
gavin belson. Pick up the pace.

- we honestly don't.
- come on.

I'm actually outside
of gavin belson's office right now, mr. Gregory.

Uh, here he comes,
so can I call you back in...

So, richard hendricks is here!

There you are, richard.

So sorry these gentleman
have kept you waiting.

- that's fine.
- so here's the thing.

I love what you did.

- really?
- fill him in, jared.

Now, as you know,
hooli is seen as possibly

The most progressive
company in the world.

Part of that is gavin's
commitment to social justice,

But part of it is
his personal commitment

To the people
that work at hooli.

In that spirit gavin
is prepared to give you a very substantial raise...

And a promotion to go with it.

I own 10 percent.

He created it while
living in my incubator.

Erlich bachman.
This is big head.

I don't know what any of that
means, but I'll give you six hundred thousand dollars for it.

We have the reach
and the resources to take what you have done

And push it to the global level.

That is a generous offer.

Shit, sorry. Hello.

Really? No shit, that's...

Uh, yeah, yeah. No here.
It's peter gregory.

Not sure how he got my number?

Uh, this is richard.

I'll give you three million
dollars for it right now!

Ah, gavin belson just
offered me three million dollars for pied piper.

I'm prepared to give you
three hundred thousand dollars.

Peter gregory just
offered me 300, um...

Did you say thousand dollars?

For ten percent
of your company.

Ok, four million.

200 thousand.

- for five percent.
- huh?

You just went down.

No, you're still valued
at four million dollars.

But you own ninety-five
percent of a potential billion-dollar company.

And not just that, I will
help you build this company.

I will introduce you to
the people you need to know

And provide the counsel
that you need.

I will take a small piece, but
the company will belong to you.

Not gavin belson.

You have until
tomorrow to decide.

Ah, ok.

- um, you know.
- pull your head out of your ass, richard.

I'm offering you
four million dollars right now.

I'm....

That is a lot of money.

You know,
I actually have to...

I've got to go
to the bathroom.

I've got to pee.

It's desperate.
I'm bursting.

I'll be right back,
but right now...

Ok, 10 million.

No. Maybe.

I didn't mean
to snap at you.

I'll talk... In a bit.

Won't be long.

Little more about me.

I am the founder of aviato.

And I own a very small
percentage of grindr.

It's a men to men dating site

Where you can find other men
within 10 miles of you.

Interested in having
sexual intercourse in a public restroom.

In the homosexual community
there's sometimes anonymous...

I know what grindr is.

I have gay friends.

[retching]

So you will survive.

It's just a garden variety
panic attack.

Welcome to silicon valley.

We see people like you
all the time.

- really?
- yes.

It's just I have to make
this decision by tomorrow.

Yeah. You know, a while back,

We had a guy in here
in almost the exact same situation,

"take the money
or keep the company."

What happened?

Well, a couple months later

He was brought into the er with
a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

I guess he really regretted
not taking that money.

He shot himself because
he turned down the money?

Yeah.

Or no, he took the money.

Or no.

No, he did not. I don't...
You know what?

I don't remember.
But whatever it was,

He regretted it so much
that he ended up shooting himself.

- and now he's blind.
- he's blind?

Yeah, just fyi, if you're
ever gonna shoot yourself,

Don't hold the gun
up to your temple, ok?

Because that just
basically just took out

Both of his optic nerves
and then,

You know,
half of his face.

And then his wife left him,
because, you know.

- yikes.
- right.

He may have been
a genius programmer

But not so much
in human anatomy.

Or decision making,
for that matter.

Now he's got to
live with all that

And whatever terrible decision
he made about the money.

Uh. And what do I do if I feel
another panic attack coming on.

Would you be
interested in a device

That links up to your
smartphone and it keeps track

Of your vitals
and it tells you, even before it's happening,

Whether you're having
a panic attack or an actual heart attack?

Yeah, that sounds great.

You would, right?
Ok, that's great news.

Because it's still in prototype
phase right now,

But my start-up partners
and I are looking for investors.

Like today. So will you
please let me know...

I'm going to give you my number.

If you do end up taking
that 10 million dollars

Because we could really make
the world a better place.

- [retching]
- whoa! Oh, jeez!

Richard.

Hi, monica. I work
with peter gregory.

- we met outside the ted...
- yeah, I remember you.

What... How'd you
know I was here?

Peter gregory
is invested in a company

That uses gps in phones
to track people.

That's creepy.

You don't know
the half of it.

And neither does congress.

- are you ok?
- look, I don't want to waste your time.

I think I gotta take
the money from gavin belson.

At least this way when
I blow my eyeballs out

I'll have some money
left for my family.

Jesus.

Sorry. That is
a terrible doctor in there.

Richard, buried in
that clunky ui of yours

Is a compression algorithm that
blew our engineering team away.

And what do you think hooli
is going to do with it?

I don't know.
That's their business.

This is your baby.

Do you even realize
the impact that a compression

This good could have
on the world?

Getting any file on your
mobile phone in an instant.

Navigation data
for self-driving cars,

Mobile medical imagery,

All transmitting
with no quality loss.

This is game-changing.

Don't you want to be
in the driver's seat when that happens?

You really want to just
turn it all over to hooli and walk away?

[sighs]

Well, you are not making
this easier for me.

I'm not trying to.

I mean you're actually
making it worse.

My hands are tingling.
I have this metal taste in my mouth.

Actually, I can't
go back in there, so I'm going to go home.

- let me give you a ride home.
- good to see you again.

Uh, ok. Thanks.

Dude, where have you been?

Why won't you
answer your phone?

Man, this has grown
way beyond angellist.

Andreesen, elevation and like
a bunch of other seed funds are piling onto this thing.

I mean, they've been
calling erlich.

He's out of control.

Yeah.

What if we took
peter gregory's 200k

And built our own company?

[gilfoyle]
I'm sorry. You said we.

Who's that in
reference to exactly?

You, me, dinesh, big head, us.

I mean, right now
pied piper just does audio,

But I'm thinking
of ways to compress images, video...

I mean,
maybe peter gregory's right.

Maybe this could be huge.

Look, guys,
for thousands of years

Guys like us have gotten
the shit kicked out of us.

But now, for the first time,
we are living in an era

Where we can be in charge
and build empires.

We could be
the vikings of our day.

- vikings?
- how are you feeling?

You look super
fucked up to be honest.

[erlich] who ate my
fucking quinoa again?

So you're really about to go
tell erlich that he's not going to get his one million dollars?

Yeah, I don't want to be
there when you do that.

I would like to be
there when you do that.

No, just stay here, please.

Hey.

Um, so, I've been
thinking about

This whole peter gregory,
gavin belson thing.

And, um, I think I'm going
to go with peter gregory.

- uh, which I know means...
- richard.

I know that you look at me,
and see a guy who has it all figured out.

And for the most part,
you're right, I do.

When I sold aviato,

It gave me a house,
money, fancy clothes,

The universal respect
of all the ladies.

But there's always been
a hole in my heart.

Not a literal hole
like you would find

In some babies
with congenital diseases,

But a metaphorical hole.

I guess that hole
is the "what if".

What if I didn't sell?

I'll never know.

And so I guess what I'm saying
to you now is,

You're like me, richard.

You want to build something

And see it through.

So, just to be clear.

You're all right with me
saying no to a deal

That will net you
a million dollars outright?

No, richard. I'm not
all right with it.

I'm excited about it.

Let's see how high this
rocket can fly, partner.

[chuckles]

Ok. Great.

That's great.

Not partners, exactly.

But everything else is great.

Call it what you want.

[all] always blue,
always blue, always blue,

Always blue,
always blue, always blue,

Always blue, always... [yelling]

Oh! That was a yellow.

What was that, 17?

- pretty good.
- hey, guys...

Guys, can I just kind of say
something real quick?

I know it's stupid but, um...

I just want to say, uh,

I'd like for this company
to be different than hooli

And goolybib and all the rest,
you know?

Like, let's like not turn this
into a corporate cult

With bike meetings
and voluntary retreats

That are actually mandatory.

And claiming to make the world
a better place all the time.

Let's, uh,
let's just think different.

Don't think different.
That's apple.

Uh, umm...

Let's just...
Let's just do it.

- that's nike, man.
- I know that's nike.

- yeah.
- uh...

Fuck it. I don't know.

Let's just make it...
Let's just make it happen.

Yeah, agreed.

To his beneficence.

Peter gregory?

- the dark lord.
- of course, the dark lord.

Big head.
[laughs]

God, he's worse high.

[laughter]

[all] always blue, always blue,
always blue, always blue...

[chanting continues]

[rock music plays]

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