Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,171 --> 00:00:03,351
[lively music]
2
00:00:03,386 --> 00:00:04,828
3
00:00:04,863 --> 00:00:06,691
- [laughs]
- Oh, yeah.
4
00:00:06,726 --> 00:00:08,220
Oh, Bob.
Okay, stop it.
5
00:00:08,254 --> 00:00:10,688
Oh, trust me, Lydia.
I know what I'm doing.
6
00:00:10,723 --> 00:00:11,873
Oh, yeah, let me just
put it in
7
00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:14,192
and wiggle it around
for a second.
8
00:00:14,227 --> 00:00:16,300
I don't know, Harrison tried
this our whole marriage,
9
00:00:16,335 --> 00:00:17,935
but he could never really
get it in.
10
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,132
Oh! Oh, yeah.
I can see why.
11
00:00:20,166 --> 00:00:21,699
- It's super tight.
- Yeah.
12
00:00:21,734 --> 00:00:22,900
Let me just get it
a little wet.
13
00:00:22,934 --> 00:00:24,268
Open it up
a little wider.
14
00:00:24,302 --> 00:00:25,803
You can try,
but I'm not sure...
15
00:00:25,837 --> 00:00:27,972
Oh, there it goes!
Oh, yeah, I'm in!
16
00:00:28,006 --> 00:00:29,774
- Amazing!
- What the hell is going on?
17
00:00:29,808 --> 00:00:32,330
Oh, my God,
who are you?
18
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,543
What are you doing
to my mother?
19
00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:35,646
Ah. I'm Bob Babcock.
20
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,674
- It's a pleasure.
- I'm not shaking that hand.
21
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:39,556
No, no,
this is my clean one.
22
00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:41,317
I cannot believe
that you and Jimmy
23
00:00:41,351 --> 00:00:42,449
spent the last
couple of months
24
00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:43,698
begging me
to take you seriously.
25
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,807
Now... now you're bobbing
for Bob?
26
00:00:45,842 --> 00:00:47,957
Never heard it
put that way, but I like it.
27
00:00:47,992 --> 00:00:50,126
Honey,
I'm not bobbing for...
28
00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:51,727
He's snaking my disposal.
29
00:00:51,762 --> 00:00:54,212
Oh, is that what the kids
are calling it now?
30
00:00:54,247 --> 00:00:56,564
- My garbage disposal.
- There we go. Yeah.
31
00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:58,000
Look at that.
Yeesh.
32
00:00:58,034 --> 00:01:00,169
There's a lot of hair.
Check it.
33
00:01:00,203 --> 00:01:02,204
You expect me to believe
that this guy is a plumber?
34
00:01:02,238 --> 00:01:04,072
- With that hair?
- [both chuckling]
35
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:05,448
Honey,
he's not a plumber.
36
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,242
He's a realtor.
37
00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:08,811
Why would you need
a realtor?
38
00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:11,246
Because I'm selling
the house.
39
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:15,123
You're doing what?
40
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,685
Hey!
41
00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:21,555
Ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah
42
00:01:21,589 --> 00:01:24,315
Ah ah ah ah
43
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,260
Nate, this is not
a big deal.
44
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:27,884
You don't think that
this is a big deal?
45
00:01:27,919 --> 00:01:29,730
Not at all. People sell
their homes all the time.
46
00:01:29,764 --> 00:01:30,971
I was not asking you, Bob.
47
00:01:31,006 --> 00:01:32,765
All right, you know what?
I'm gonna go grab my shirt
48
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:33,681
out of the dryer.
49
00:01:33,716 --> 00:01:36,527
You guys are having
a family moment here.
50
00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:39,039
Don't!
All right,
51
00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:42,356
Mom, why on earth
would you sell this house?
52
00:01:42,391 --> 00:01:44,782
Because I want to focus
on my future.
53
00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,450
And it's really hard
to do that in a house
54
00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:49,452
where I'm surrounded by
the ghost of Lydia past.
55
00:01:49,487 --> 00:01:53,111
And so frequently visited
by the body of Harrison present.
56
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,319
- But this is our house.
- Yes.
57
00:01:55,354 --> 00:01:57,923
This... all of our memories
are here.
58
00:01:57,958 --> 00:02:02,027
If... if you move,
I-I-I won't know how tall I was
59
00:02:02,062 --> 00:02:03,778
in 1993.
60
00:02:03,813 --> 00:02:05,631
I-I won't be able to visit
Barky Mark's grave
61
00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:07,948
without trespassing,
which is a crime.
62
00:02:07,983 --> 00:02:10,534
And Santa won't know where
to find me.
63
00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:11,933
Okay, it's not
the best example.
64
00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:13,223
- No, mm-mm.
- But there are others.
65
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,874
What about...
this... this lamp?
66
00:02:15,908 --> 00:02:18,867
You know?
I mean, I love this lamp.
67
00:02:18,902 --> 00:02:20,444
I bought that lamp
last week.
68
00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:22,176
Well, it already means
the world to me.
69
00:02:22,211 --> 00:02:24,191
Okay, then I will
take it with me,
70
00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:25,999
along with
all of our memories.
71
00:02:26,034 --> 00:02:28,592
Except for the memories
that we haven't made yet.
72
00:02:28,627 --> 00:02:30,620
I mean, we always said
when I had kids,
73
00:02:30,654 --> 00:02:32,885
they'd come to spend weekends
and Christmases here.
74
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,158
Now they can spend them
at my new condo.
75
00:02:35,193 --> 00:02:37,227
Condo?
Condon't.
76
00:02:37,295 --> 00:02:39,528
You can't make memories
in a condo.
77
00:02:39,562 --> 00:02:41,463
Mom, a condo's where
old people go to die.
78
00:02:41,498 --> 00:02:42,469
Nate, I promise you,
79
00:02:42,504 --> 00:02:44,922
this is the best thing
for everyone.
80
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,360
How is this
the best thing for me?
81
00:02:46,395 --> 00:02:48,046
Because it'll make
your mother happy.
82
00:02:48,081 --> 00:02:49,405
And you know what
they say:
83
00:02:49,439 --> 00:02:52,074
"Happy mother, happy...
84
00:02:52,109 --> 00:02:53,342
others."
85
00:02:53,377 --> 00:02:55,713
They have never said that.
86
00:02:55,748 --> 00:02:57,407
I get that this
is hard for you,
87
00:02:57,442 --> 00:02:59,157
but this is my decision.
88
00:02:59,192 --> 00:03:00,618
And right now,
that's all it is.
89
00:03:00,653 --> 00:03:02,775
Who knows?
The house may not even sell.
90
00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:04,601
[chuckles]
It'll sell.
91
00:03:04,636 --> 00:03:06,894
One open house
and this puppy is gone.
92
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,177
- Not helping, Bob.
- You know what? Fine.
93
00:03:09,212 --> 00:03:10,456
It's your decision.
94
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,559
And if there's one thing
I've realized,
95
00:03:11,593 --> 00:03:12,938
is I don't factor
into those anymore,
96
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:15,822
so, yeah,
don't factor me in.
97
00:03:15,857 --> 00:03:19,699
- I'm sorry.
- Just know that...
98
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:24,004
You... I... I'm...
this lamp is coming with me.
99
00:03:26,308 --> 00:03:28,112
He seems like
a handful.
100
00:03:28,147 --> 00:03:30,362
He actually handled that
quite well.
101
00:03:34,435 --> 00:03:37,685
- [hard footsteps approaching]
- Hey, buddy.
102
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,243
I just got off the phone
with your mom.
103
00:03:39,278 --> 00:03:40,611
She told me
she's selling the house.
104
00:03:40,646 --> 00:03:42,581
Are you okay?
I made you some toast.
105
00:03:42,616 --> 00:03:44,736
I'm fine, everything's fine.
Thank you.
106
00:03:44,771 --> 00:03:45,834
Then why'd you walk
up the stairs
107
00:03:45,869 --> 00:03:47,153
like a little drummer boy?
108
00:03:47,188 --> 00:03:48,515
Because my feet
are heavy.
109
00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:50,421
I think you're lying
to me... and yourself.
110
00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:51,789
Why would you
think that?
111
00:03:51,823 --> 00:03:53,824
'Cause you're buttering
your phone.
112
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,263
Oh.
113
00:03:55,298 --> 00:03:56,431
Okay, fine, all right.
114
00:03:56,466 --> 00:03:57,918
I'm... I'm a little...
115
00:03:57,953 --> 00:04:01,464
perturbed that my mom has
decided to sell my childhood.
116
00:04:01,499 --> 00:04:03,527
My home.
Chil... my childhood home.
117
00:04:03,562 --> 00:04:05,169
Actually,
our childhood home.
118
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,869
You practically
grew up there, too.
119
00:04:06,904 --> 00:04:07,954
Why doesn't this
bother you?
120
00:04:07,989 --> 00:04:09,129
Oh, because it's so hard
121
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:10,660
to do "grown-up stuff"
with your mom
122
00:04:10,695 --> 00:04:12,156
in a house
I practically grew up in.
123
00:04:12,191 --> 00:04:13,356
Well,
I'm sorry our childhood
124
00:04:13,391 --> 00:04:14,844
has put a damper
on your sex life.
125
00:04:14,878 --> 00:04:16,979
Oh, no.
It's not your fault.
126
00:04:17,014 --> 00:04:20,116
But it is one of the reasons
why we're over here so much.
127
00:04:20,150 --> 00:04:21,772
But your mom's getting
a new place,
128
00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:22,884
so we won't have to be.
129
00:04:22,919 --> 00:04:25,330
It's the best thing
for everyone.
130
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,816
Did you put her
up to this?
131
00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:28,618
No.
Why would you think that?
132
00:04:28,653 --> 00:04:29,657
Because dating you
has put
133
00:04:29,692 --> 00:04:31,667
some pretty crazy ideas
in her head.
134
00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:33,128
And the other day
I saw her wearing a black bra
135
00:04:33,162 --> 00:04:34,287
under a white tank top.
136
00:04:34,322 --> 00:04:35,900
I'm just encouraging her
to do
137
00:04:35,935 --> 00:04:37,280
what makes her happy.
138
00:04:37,315 --> 00:04:37,888
Well, stop it.
139
00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,411
Stop empowering my mom.
140
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,970
Now you're putting jelly
on your hand.
141
00:04:43,004 --> 00:04:45,005
I'm cutting out carbs.
142
00:04:48,343 --> 00:04:49,810
Hey, is that
your mom's new lamp?
143
00:04:49,845 --> 00:04:51,912
It means the world to me.
144
00:04:53,982 --> 00:04:56,383
- [bell rings]
- Aha.
145
00:04:56,417 --> 00:04:58,105
Harrison,
what are you doing here?
146
00:04:58,140 --> 00:04:59,610
I would ask you
the same question,
147
00:04:59,645 --> 00:05:02,122
but I can clearly see
you are picking out furniture
148
00:05:02,156 --> 00:05:04,624
for your new condo
while the body
149
00:05:04,658 --> 00:05:06,726
of our dead home
is still warm.
150
00:05:06,761 --> 00:05:08,308
Actually, I work here.
151
00:05:08,343 --> 00:05:11,464
Yeah, you have a job?
No, no, no, I don't believe you.
152
00:05:11,498 --> 00:05:12,645
Oh, excuse me, Parker?
153
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,023
Could you please tell
my ex-husband
154
00:05:14,058 --> 00:05:15,196
that this is my job.
155
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,268
If you call working
six hours a week a job,
156
00:05:17,303 --> 00:05:18,837
sure,
this is her job.
157
00:05:18,872 --> 00:05:20,239
- There you go.
- How could you have a job?
158
00:05:20,273 --> 00:05:21,468
I don't even know
about it.
159
00:05:21,503 --> 00:05:22,961
If you didn't know
I had a job,
160
00:05:22,996 --> 00:05:24,407
how did you find me?
161
00:05:24,442 --> 00:05:26,066
I track you on
Find My Friends.
162
00:05:26,101 --> 00:05:28,230
That is so uncool.
What is Find My Friends?
163
00:05:28,265 --> 00:05:30,259
It's an app that helps you
find your friends.
164
00:05:30,294 --> 00:05:31,823
But if I were you,
I'd buy one
165
00:05:31,858 --> 00:05:33,424
that helps you find
your marbles,
166
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,321
because you have
clearly lost yours
167
00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:37,221
if you think you're gonna be
selling our house.
168
00:05:37,256 --> 00:05:39,420
It is my house.
You put it in my name.
169
00:05:39,455 --> 00:05:40,711
And why do you even care?
170
00:05:40,746 --> 00:05:43,582
I care because
if you sell it,
171
00:05:43,617 --> 00:05:46,270
it means you can never ask me
to come back to it.
172
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:47,998
I can never ask you
to come back to it
173
00:05:48,032 --> 00:05:49,332
if you never leave.
174
00:05:49,366 --> 00:05:51,201
Is that what this
is all about?
175
00:05:51,235 --> 00:05:53,504
Oh, honey,
do you need your space?
176
00:05:53,539 --> 00:05:55,483
Because I can give you back
the keys I had made
177
00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:57,040
before I gave you back
my keys.
178
00:05:57,074 --> 00:05:59,042
Harrison, enough.
I am moving on.
179
00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:00,848
To a place with a doorman.
180
00:06:00,883 --> 00:06:02,212
And there's nothing
you can do about it.
181
00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:03,856
You know, it's funny.
When you say there's nothing
182
00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:06,886
I can do,
I always find something to do.
183
00:06:06,921 --> 00:06:09,084
- Like a flight attendant.
- Oh, this is not over.
184
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,319
Said the man walking away.
185
00:06:10,353 --> 00:06:11,305
You will not get
the last word.
186
00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:12,796
- Yes, I will.
- [phone chimes]
187
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,242
- _
- Oh!
188
00:06:14,277 --> 00:06:18,291
- Ah!
- Oh, you son of a...
189
00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:20,527
Hey, babe,
can we talk?
190
00:06:20,562 --> 00:06:22,843
Sure. Um, oh,
hey, Parker,
191
00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:24,714
can I take like
a 15, 20 minute break?
192
00:06:24,749 --> 00:06:28,703
That's like a ninth
of your workweek, but cool.
193
00:06:28,737 --> 00:06:32,373
This store don't need
your drama.
194
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:34,542
Well, you know,
it could be worse.
195
00:06:34,576 --> 00:06:36,332
Your mom could be
moving out of her house
196
00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:39,271
- and in with you.
- Don't even joke about that.
197
00:06:39,306 --> 00:06:41,215
Well, it's actually
quite sweet.
198
00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:42,716
After all, three's company.
199
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,305
No, two is company.
Mom is a crowd.
200
00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:47,469
Then why was that TV show
called "Three's Company"?
201
00:06:47,504 --> 00:06:48,774
I think it was meant
to be ironic.
202
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:49,845
Oh, right.
203
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,153
Like when people
cut down trees
204
00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:54,093
to make paper and then write
"Save the Trees" on them.
205
00:06:54,128 --> 00:06:56,762
- [groans]
- Hey, come on.
206
00:06:56,796 --> 00:06:58,784
I'm sorry, sonny boy.
I'm hatching a plan.
207
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,132
I needed some food
for thought.
208
00:07:00,167 --> 00:07:01,586
Hatching a plan
for what?
209
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,169
I want to win
your mother back.
210
00:07:03,203 --> 00:07:04,237
I realize I was not
211
00:07:04,272 --> 00:07:06,214
taking this whole thing
seriously enough.
212
00:07:06,249 --> 00:07:09,175
I just thought it was
part of her... her Rumspringa.
213
00:07:09,209 --> 00:07:10,709
She would run around
with Jimmy for a little bit,
214
00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:12,411
maybe she'd buy
a new DVD player,
215
00:07:12,445 --> 00:07:13,634
and then she would return
216
00:07:13,669 --> 00:07:15,549
to the nice, happy Amish life
she once knew.
217
00:07:15,584 --> 00:07:17,594
But once she opens
the door
218
00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,515
to that new condo,
219
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:21,219
my window closes.
220
00:07:21,254 --> 00:07:22,220
So what are you thinking,
mate?
221
00:07:22,255 --> 00:07:24,131
I was thinking...
222
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:26,935
I'm sorry, why are you dressed
like Juan Valdez?
223
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:28,386
Who's Juan Valdez?
224
00:07:28,421 --> 00:07:30,194
I was thinking
I would start
225
00:07:30,228 --> 00:07:31,798
by trying to get her
to like me again,
226
00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:34,334
and since I have
absolutely no idea
227
00:07:34,369 --> 00:07:36,033
how to do that,
I need your help, son.
228
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,723
No, I can't help you
win Mom back.
229
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,531
Yes, but if I do
win her back,
230
00:07:39,566 --> 00:07:43,829
she would have no reason
to sell our house.
231
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,776
Tempting,
but I can't do that to Jimmy.
232
00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:47,110
Even if this is
all his fault,
233
00:07:47,144 --> 00:07:48,477
he's still
my best friend.
234
00:07:48,512 --> 00:07:50,549
So you're taking
this guy's side?
235
00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:52,335
I am not
taking sides, Dad.
236
00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:53,816
And even if I were
taking sides,
237
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,219
you don't have a side
to take.
238
00:07:55,254 --> 00:07:56,461
I mean, the only way
you could win Mom back
239
00:07:56,496 --> 00:07:59,389
is if you had
a time machine.
240
00:07:59,423 --> 00:08:01,124
Great Scott.
241
00:08:01,158 --> 00:08:02,628
That's it!
Ha-ha!
242
00:08:02,663 --> 00:08:04,559
Thanks for your help,
sonny boy!
243
00:08:04,593 --> 00:08:06,962
I didn't help because
time machines don't exist.
244
00:08:06,996 --> 00:08:09,564
- Ah!
- Who's Juan Valdez?
245
00:08:09,598 --> 00:08:11,295
Hey, your dad's really trying
to spook me today.
246
00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:12,700
Yeah,
he's a man on a mission.
247
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:13,812
There's something
I need to tell you.
248
00:08:13,847 --> 00:08:15,270
There's something
I need to tell you, too.
249
00:08:15,305 --> 00:08:16,736
both: You first.
250
00:08:16,771 --> 00:08:22,606
- I'm sorry that I overreacted.
- I'm moving in with your mom.
251
00:08:22,641 --> 00:08:24,700
You're doing what?
252
00:08:26,526 --> 00:08:28,687
I can't believe Jimmy asked
to move in with me.
253
00:08:28,722 --> 00:08:30,030
I'm so excited.
254
00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:32,304
Oh, here's to you,
Mrs. Robinson.
255
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:35,281
[chuckles]
I know. It's crazy, right?
256
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,015
Oh, God.
It's crazy, right?
257
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,284
You think
I'm Anne Bancroft?
258
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:40,725
Imposing my will
upon a younger man
259
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,482
who's going to leave me
for my own child.
260
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:45,257
Actually, I meant it as
a toast, like, "Here's to you,
261
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,607
moving in so quickly."
What are you, a lesbian?
262
00:08:47,642 --> 00:08:49,661
So you don't think
I'm crazy, right?
263
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,407
No. Why should men
be the only ones
264
00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,283
who get to trade in
their ride for a newer model
265
00:08:53,318 --> 00:08:54,464
during a mid-life crisis?
266
00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:56,300
Oh, I'm not having
a mid-life crisis.
267
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,902
Somebody should tell
your shorts that.
268
00:08:58,936 --> 00:09:01,405
I am just experimenting
with my style.
269
00:09:01,439 --> 00:09:04,107
I'm trying to figure out
this next chapter in my life.
270
00:09:04,141 --> 00:09:06,193
I really love that Jimmy
wants to be a part of it,
271
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:08,878
but it also scares
the crap out of me.
272
00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:10,618
I mean, what if I make
this huge step
273
00:09:10,653 --> 00:09:12,582
and it doesn't work out
any better than my marriage?
274
00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:14,776
Or what if you don't
and it still doesn't?
275
00:09:14,811 --> 00:09:17,286
[gasps]
Or what if you do and it does?
276
00:09:17,321 --> 00:09:20,223
I mean, all you can do
is follow your heart.
277
00:09:20,257 --> 00:09:22,925
It will always
lead you home.
278
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:24,984
Are you reading off the
inspirational sign behind me?
279
00:09:25,019 --> 00:09:29,397
Yeah, but I like it
'cause it's true.
280
00:09:29,432 --> 00:09:30,754
What are you thinking?
281
00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:32,084
You've only been together
for two months.
282
00:09:32,119 --> 00:09:33,626
- It's crazy.
- Why?
283
00:09:33,661 --> 00:09:35,802
Your mom or your dad
moved in after three months.
284
00:09:35,837 --> 00:09:37,224
Yeah, and look how well
that turned out.
285
00:09:37,259 --> 00:09:38,773
I am looking at how well
that turned out.
286
00:09:38,807 --> 00:09:40,184
Stop that.
Don't be nice to me
287
00:09:40,219 --> 00:09:41,375
while you're doing
something stupid.
288
00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:42,544
It's not stupid.
289
00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,645
Look at it this way.
290
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,222
It was only
a matter of time
291
00:09:45,257 --> 00:09:48,333
before your mom accidentally
got into the shower with you
292
00:09:48,368 --> 00:09:49,336
- thinking it was me.
- Yeah.
293
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,552
And while I appreciate that
greatly,
294
00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:53,819
It is not a good reason
for you two to move in together.
295
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:57,038
I mean, have you really
thought about what this means?
296
00:09:57,073 --> 00:09:59,550
It means I'm gonna move in
with your mom.
297
00:09:59,585 --> 00:10:00,894
So, no.
298
00:10:00,928 --> 00:10:03,025
Jimmy,
this is a huge step
299
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,004
that leads to
one of two places.
300
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,390
Either it doesn't work out
301
00:10:06,425 --> 00:10:08,934
and one of you ends up
homeless and heartbroken,
302
00:10:08,969 --> 00:10:11,404
or worse,
much worse,
303
00:10:11,438 --> 00:10:15,074
it does work out
and you become my ste...
304
00:10:15,108 --> 00:10:17,143
my ste...
305
00:10:17,177 --> 00:10:18,278
I become a sheep?
306
00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:21,079
Ste...
307
00:10:21,113 --> 00:10:26,285
Sss... sss...
step... daa...
308
00:10:26,319 --> 00:10:28,920
Oh, let's not even
go there because, I mean,
309
00:10:28,955 --> 00:10:30,789
you're talking about
the future,
310
00:10:30,823 --> 00:10:33,091
and your mom and I
are living in the present.
311
00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:34,259
Does she know that?
312
00:10:34,294 --> 00:10:35,429
Because usually
you only move in
313
00:10:35,464 --> 00:10:36,463
with someone if you think
you're gonna
314
00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:38,514
spend the rest of your life
with them.
315
00:10:38,549 --> 00:10:39,997
Oh, buddy.
316
00:10:40,031 --> 00:10:42,935
When we moved in together,
did you think that about us?
317
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:45,076
See, we're roommates.
318
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,169
The point is, this is
a long-term commitment.
319
00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:49,591
And you can't even commit to
a free three-day trial of HBO.
320
00:10:49,626 --> 00:10:51,575
Oh, because I didn't know
if I was subscribing,
321
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:56,613
and I didn't want to give it
the wrong idea.
322
00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:59,949
Your mom and I may need
to have a conversation.
323
00:10:59,983 --> 00:11:01,530
Merry Christmas,
sweetheart.
324
00:11:01,565 --> 00:11:03,341
What the...
No!
325
00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:05,575
Harrison, clean this up.
Get this out of here.
326
00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,956
Not until you take
a trip with me.
327
00:11:07,991 --> 00:11:09,467
I'm not going anywhere
with you.
328
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,225
That's right.
You aren't.
329
00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:13,404
You are going anywhen
with me
330
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:16,746
because I am taking you
back in time.
331
00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:21,275
Step through this archway
and enter Christmas Eve, 1995.
332
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:22,506
I'd really rather not.
333
00:11:22,541 --> 00:11:24,239
Bill Clinton was in
the White House.
334
00:11:24,273 --> 00:11:26,983
On the radio,
Hootie was blowing fish.
335
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:30,411
And in this house,
our little Natey was six.
336
00:11:30,446 --> 00:11:32,909
This is the Christmas
that Santa gave Nate
337
00:11:32,944 --> 00:11:34,661
- his first bike.
- [gasps]
338
00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:37,900
And tomorrow,
he will break his first bone.
339
00:11:37,935 --> 00:11:40,036
Really, where did you
find that?
340
00:11:40,071 --> 00:11:42,089
I found it in the back
of the garage.
341
00:11:42,123 --> 00:11:43,984
This is also the same year
that you and Santa
342
00:11:44,019 --> 00:11:46,082
spent the whole night
freezing in the backyard
343
00:11:46,117 --> 00:11:48,434
trying to put together
that stupid trampoline.
344
00:11:48,469 --> 00:11:50,132
You wanted to test it first,
345
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,889
and I caught you
when you bounced too high.
346
00:11:51,924 --> 00:11:53,236
I forgot about that.
347
00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:55,406
I know you only remembered
the bad things, Lyd,
348
00:11:55,441 --> 00:11:56,797
but...
[sighs]
349
00:11:56,832 --> 00:11:58,636
There were so many
good things, too.
350
00:11:58,671 --> 00:12:01,253
Come on, baby.
351
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,604
Give me another chance.
352
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,923
Oh, Harrison, this isn't
about the bad things you did.
353
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,881
Actually, that's not true.
It kind of is.
354
00:12:08,915 --> 00:12:11,189
But it's also about
the things you didn't do.
355
00:12:11,224 --> 00:12:14,014
Like listen to me
when I talked,
356
00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:16,145
or go to any of
Nate's little league games,
357
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:19,002
or the fact that this was
the Christmas that you told Nate
358
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:20,485
that Santa was an anti-Semite
359
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,636
and proceeded to re-enact
the Holocaust.
360
00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:25,866
Okay, I'll admit
my Holocaustume was a mistake.
361
00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,883
Let's move on
to the dining room.
362
00:12:27,918 --> 00:12:29,801
Thanksgiving, 1998.
363
00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:31,536
No, Harrison,
you have to go.
364
00:12:31,570 --> 00:12:34,038
I have an open house
tomorrow.
365
00:12:34,072 --> 00:12:35,539
You have an open house
tomorrow?
366
00:12:35,573 --> 00:12:37,581
Yes.
Now, go.
367
00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:42,212
I apparently have a lot more
to do than I thought.
368
00:12:42,246 --> 00:12:46,583
- Fine.
- Okay.
369
00:12:46,618 --> 00:12:49,512
But I'm taking my turkey.
370
00:12:49,547 --> 00:12:50,822
What are you doing?
371
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,488
Hey, we brought you
punch and pie.
372
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:54,185
Homemade turnip schnapps.
373
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,567
I'm fine.
I'm really fine.
374
00:12:55,602 --> 00:12:56,955
You don't need to come
and check on me.
375
00:12:56,990 --> 00:12:59,499
- Oh, it's okay.
- You're not fine, mate.
376
00:12:59,534 --> 00:13:01,898
Your boyfriend's moving in
with another woman.
377
00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:04,855
We just want to make sure
you and Andy Rooney
378
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:09,238
don't end up face down
in a creek, just like Dawson.
379
00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:11,322
Dawson's Creek didn't end
with Dawson committing suicide.
380
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,853
Right, because he had
his friends looking out for him.
381
00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:14,921
And so do you, mate.
382
00:13:14,956 --> 00:13:17,938
Nate, your time machine idea
didn't work.
383
00:13:17,973 --> 00:13:18,655
Shocking.
384
00:13:18,690 --> 00:13:21,132
I need a plan B
to get your mother back.
385
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,517
And some salt
for this bird.
386
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,430
- What happened?
- I overcooked it.
387
00:13:24,465 --> 00:13:26,354
She refuses
to take me back.
388
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,961
She is set on selling
the place.
389
00:13:27,996 --> 00:13:30,324
She's even having
an open house tomorrow.
390
00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:31,891
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
391
00:13:31,926 --> 00:13:34,695
I guess she really can't wait
to move in with Jimmy.
392
00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:37,100
They're moving in together?
393
00:13:37,135 --> 00:13:38,799
Oh, no.
This is worse than I thought.
394
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,357
We gotta buy some more time.
395
00:13:40,392 --> 00:13:41,916
Guys,
there has to be a way
396
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,382
to stop her
from selling the house.
397
00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:44,882
We could burn it down.
398
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,842
If it was my house
and I couldn't have it,
399
00:13:46,877 --> 00:13:49,809
I would make sure
that no one else could have it.
400
00:13:49,844 --> 00:13:51,658
Well, that's a terrifyingly
dark side of you
401
00:13:51,693 --> 00:13:54,113
- I've never seen before.
- Wait a minute.
402
00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:56,382
Well, we may not be able to stop
her from selling the house,
403
00:13:56,416 --> 00:14:00,206
but what if we stop people
from buying the house?
404
00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:03,121
Then she'd never be able
to sell it.
405
00:14:03,155 --> 00:14:05,675
[gasps]
It's brilliant, mate.
406
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:06,519
[chuckles]
407
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:12,374
Hello, sir, how are you?
Ma'am, come on in.
408
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,743
2,800 square feet.
I think you're gonna love it.
409
00:14:14,777 --> 00:14:16,773
That carpeting can go.
It is optional.
410
00:14:16,808 --> 00:14:18,440
Dad, please take that off.
411
00:14:18,475 --> 00:14:20,116
You look like
an albino Tom Selleck.
412
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,873
I don't want that
Bab Bobcock guy to recognize me.
413
00:14:22,908 --> 00:14:25,010
His name is Bob Babcock,
and he won't recognize you.
414
00:14:25,045 --> 00:14:27,502
- You've never met him.
- Yeah. Point taken.
415
00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:28,835
But if I can't wear
my disguise,
416
00:14:28,870 --> 00:14:30,959
why does the girl
get to be fat?
417
00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:33,468
I'm not fat.
I'm pregnant.
418
00:14:33,503 --> 00:14:35,283
It's part of my character's
backstory.
419
00:14:35,318 --> 00:14:36,199
Are we doing characters?
420
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,764
No, we're not doing
characters.
421
00:14:37,798 --> 00:14:40,421
Let's all remember
the goal here.
422
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:42,209
- To prevent the sale of the house.
- To get me and your mother back together.
423
00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:43,357
Oh, Dad.
424
00:14:43,392 --> 00:14:44,755
I thought it was
to keep Jimmydia
425
00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:46,706
from rushing into anything.
426
00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:49,076
Oh, that's what
I'm calling them now.
427
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,470
I'm just excited
to do a character.
428
00:14:50,505 --> 00:14:52,712
- Can we do this already?
- Do it.
429
00:14:52,747 --> 00:14:53,880
[Fluid Minds
"Edge of the Sky"]
430
00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:55,193
The pressure is on
431
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,550
All this on my shoulders
makes my heart weigh a ton
432
00:14:58,585 --> 00:15:00,350
Give me the strength
to go on
433
00:15:00,385 --> 00:15:03,155
I'm trying to be a king
but I feel more like a pawn
434
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:04,167
Can we walk
a little faster?
435
00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:05,309
We're gonna miss
the open house.
436
00:15:05,344 --> 00:15:06,458
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
437
00:15:06,493 --> 00:15:07,493
[doorbell rings]
438
00:15:07,528 --> 00:15:09,758
- Hello. Bob Babcock.
- Hi.
439
00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,597
Sambouca Dill.
The one on the way
440
00:15:11,632 --> 00:15:14,230
is called Maple,
and this here's my sex friend.
441
00:15:14,265 --> 00:15:18,617
Atilda Apricot.
I'm a... prospector.
442
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:19,915
May we take a gander?
443
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:21,333
Yeah, well,
congratulations.
444
00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:23,180
Come on in, guys.
Please. Please.
445
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:26,216
You have such
an interesting accent.
446
00:15:26,251 --> 00:15:28,331
Uh, hello there.
How are you two?
447
00:15:28,366 --> 00:15:31,481
A very good-looking couple.
Enjoy.
448
00:15:31,516 --> 00:15:33,781
Uh, you'll see, uh,
all the carpeting is new.
449
00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:36,153
Make yourselves at home.
Hello, ma'am.
450
00:15:36,187 --> 00:15:38,122
There's some refreshments
in the kitchen.
451
00:15:38,156 --> 00:15:39,611
Okay.
452
00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:43,893
453
00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:46,162
Yes.
454
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:50,005
Do you know this is where they
shot my favorite adult film?
455
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,556
"Under the Tuscan Buns."
456
00:15:51,591 --> 00:15:53,551
I have never seen
so many buns
457
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,936
in one place
at one time.
458
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:57,506
Hot, sweaty, fleshy buns.
459
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,307
All up and down
this counter top.
460
00:15:59,342 --> 00:16:00,173
[inhales deeply]
461
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:04,565
All right, so recently
installed all new appliances...
462
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:11,386
463
00:16:11,421 --> 00:16:14,057
I live across the way.
Fun fact:
464
00:16:14,092 --> 00:16:17,060
From my bedroom, I can see
into every window of the house.
465
00:16:17,095 --> 00:16:20,428
So if you ever forget where
you put your keys, call me.
466
00:16:20,462 --> 00:16:23,530
I'll know.
Yeehaw!
467
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,175
Well, tha...
do you have any ques... all right.
468
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,471
Well, thank you for coming.
Be sure to...
469
00:16:27,506 --> 00:16:30,449
like us on Facebook.
Okay, whoa.
470
00:16:30,484 --> 00:16:37,978
471
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,780
I used to live here,
472
00:16:40,814 --> 00:16:42,209
before my parents
got a divorce
473
00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:45,468
and my mom started sleeping
with my best friend.
474
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:48,688
This house has
really bad chi.
475
00:16:48,722 --> 00:16:52,791
Oh, my gosh.
This place is amazing.
476
00:16:52,825 --> 00:16:53,988
Do you love it?
477
00:16:54,023 --> 00:16:56,166
I-I don't know.
Uh...
478
00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:57,812
The area is kinda dicey.
479
00:16:57,847 --> 00:17:00,588
No, it's not.
It's a great area.
480
00:17:00,623 --> 00:17:01,439
Is it?
481
00:17:01,474 --> 00:17:02,813
You know, 'cause
I'm pretty sure
482
00:17:02,848 --> 00:17:05,337
I saw a guy in a hoodie
when we were coming in.
483
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,878
Aw, Jimmy,
you're wearing a hoodie.
484
00:17:06,913 --> 00:17:09,400
Did you see
your own reflection?
485
00:17:09,435 --> 00:17:10,881
Possibly.
486
00:17:10,916 --> 00:17:13,619
You know, and it's just really
expensive, and it's, like, ugh.
487
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:14,962
I don't think
it's that expensive.
488
00:17:14,997 --> 00:17:16,443
It's actually
quite reasonable.
489
00:17:16,478 --> 00:17:18,709
Yeah,
if you're David Hasselhoff.
490
00:17:18,744 --> 00:17:19,720
He's probably loaded.
491
00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:21,168
"Baywatch" ran for
a really long time.
492
00:17:21,203 --> 00:17:23,687
Of course it did.
It was a great show.
493
00:17:23,722 --> 00:17:25,588
Jimmy, I don't want you
to worry about money.
494
00:17:25,623 --> 00:17:28,227
I'm not expecting you
to buy this place with me.
495
00:17:28,262 --> 00:17:30,907
You can just chip in when you
want whenever you can afford it.
496
00:17:30,942 --> 00:17:31,821
Yeah,
but buying a place
497
00:17:31,856 --> 00:17:33,672
kinda makes it hard
to live in the moment.
498
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,032
And that's what's great
about us.
499
00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:37,182
We have no idea
what tomorrow holds.
500
00:17:37,217 --> 00:17:39,969
Tomorrow we're having brunch
with Parker and her girlfriend.
501
00:17:40,004 --> 00:17:41,639
Right.
Well, except that.
502
00:17:41,674 --> 00:17:44,208
We know it holds that, but the
further you go into the future,
503
00:17:44,243 --> 00:17:45,908
the more hazy it gets.
504
00:17:45,942 --> 00:17:47,876
Do you know on
the 31st of December
505
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:49,812
my date book
runs out of pages?
506
00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:51,682
Jimmy, is there something
you want to talk about?
507
00:17:51,717 --> 00:17:54,417
I just... I don't know
how to bring this up.
508
00:17:54,451 --> 00:17:56,778
I told Nate about us
moving in together, and...
509
00:17:56,813 --> 00:17:58,677
And he scared
the crap out of you.
510
00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:00,701
No, but he brought up
some valid points.
511
00:18:00,736 --> 00:18:02,955
Like, like, what happens
if one of us
512
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,625
ends up homeless
and heartbroken?
513
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:07,855
Or we get engaged?
Or I fall off that balcony?
514
00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:09,717
Did you just lump in
getting engaged
515
00:18:09,752 --> 00:18:13,568
with ending up homeless
and dying?
516
00:18:15,526 --> 00:18:17,461
Okay, listen, it looks like
we've got to almost everyone,
517
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:19,266
but these couples
are playing hard ball.
518
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,875
That guys says he loves
the south-facing windows.
519
00:18:21,909 --> 00:18:24,038
And that lady next to him, she
asked about school districts.
520
00:18:24,073 --> 00:18:26,010
Don't worry, bossman.
521
00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:30,030
I got this.
522
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:32,352
I just felt
a terrible chill.
523
00:18:32,387 --> 00:18:35,354
[creepy music]
524
00:18:35,389 --> 00:18:37,890
525
00:18:37,924 --> 00:18:40,826
I think there's something
evil in this place.
526
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,161
[convulsing]
527
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:44,530
[grunting]
528
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:47,002
[demonic voice]
This is my house.
529
00:18:47,037 --> 00:18:48,540
No one is safe.
530
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:50,261
What is she doing?
She's gonna ruin it.
531
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,977
I don't know, mate.
She's a one woman show.
532
00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:55,216
[gasping]
I'm going into labor!
533
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:58,143
Oh!
The spirits want my baby.
534
00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,383
Call 911!
535
00:18:59,418 --> 00:19:02,312
Everybody run!
Call 911!
536
00:19:02,347 --> 00:19:03,970
I need an old priest
and a young priest!
537
00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:06,084
I need an old priest
and a young priest.
538
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,605
[cheers and laughter]
539
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,428
I've got a better idea.
How about I call your mother,
540
00:19:11,463 --> 00:19:14,229
and based on the resemblance,
your ex-wife?
541
00:19:14,264 --> 00:19:15,679
Get that cookie
out of your mouth.
542
00:19:15,714 --> 00:19:17,473
Come on.
In the other room. Let's go.
543
00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:18,271
- All right.
- Si, si.
544
00:19:18,306 --> 00:19:19,815
Come on, you, too,
Rosemary's baby, come on.
545
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,920
Right, yeah, okay.
546
00:19:21,955 --> 00:19:23,650
What is wrong
with you guys?
547
00:19:23,685 --> 00:19:25,482
Well, to be fair, you kinda
brought it on yourself.
548
00:19:25,517 --> 00:19:27,709
Harrison,
not another word.
549
00:19:27,744 --> 00:19:30,640
And, Nate, I would expect
this nonsense from your father,
550
00:19:30,674 --> 00:19:32,041
but not from you.
551
00:19:32,075 --> 00:19:33,943
I've never seen you
act so childish.
552
00:19:33,977 --> 00:19:35,870
I've never seen you
act so childish.
553
00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:36,832
Selling the house,
554
00:19:36,867 --> 00:19:38,848
and moving in with Jimmy
after only two months?
555
00:19:38,882 --> 00:19:40,553
Wha... you're... you're moving in
with him
556
00:19:40,588 --> 00:19:42,317
after just dating
for two months?
557
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:45,020
[chuckles]
I'm... I'm sorry,
558
00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:46,743
but... but that is
really soon.
559
00:19:46,778 --> 00:19:48,296
Okay, you know what?
You're right.
560
00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:50,373
You're all right.
We didn't think it through.
561
00:19:50,408 --> 00:19:52,455
You didn't think it through!
562
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,160
Oh.
Are you agreeing with me?
563
00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:56,142
'Cause I had a much longer
speech prepared.
564
00:19:56,177 --> 00:19:57,305
Well, there's no need.
565
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:59,346
Jimmy told me about
what you guys discussed,
566
00:19:59,381 --> 00:20:01,001
and we're not moving in
together anymore.
567
00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:04,672
As a matter of fact, we're not
doing anything together anymore.
568
00:20:04,706 --> 00:20:07,675
Jimmy broke up
with me.
569
00:20:09,623 --> 00:20:11,184
What?
570
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,689
_
571
00:20:16,544 --> 00:20:21,544
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
572
00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:26,144
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
42673
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.