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1
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,639
God, I can't believe Jack's
getting married! I'm so excited.
2
00:00:06,652 --> 00:00:08,651
Look, my hands are shaking.
3
00:00:08,659 --> 00:00:10,738
Hannah? Hannah?
4
00:00:10,747 --> 00:00:13,786
Stop it. Why'd you make us
get here so early?
5
00:00:13,798 --> 00:00:16,397
I hate being the first person
to arrive, it's pathetic.
6
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:17,686
I didn't want to be late.
7
00:00:17,692 --> 00:00:20,371
One of my best friends is tying
the knot - this is a big day for me.
8
00:00:20,382 --> 00:00:22,301
I even made my own confetti
out of loo roll.
9
00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:25,308
I'm pretty sure the invite didn't
say "bring your own gross confetti".
10
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,439
I was so pumped last night
I couldn't get to sleep,
11
00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:29,366
figured I might as well
do something useful.
12
00:00:29,374 --> 00:00:31,893
I can't believe you buy into
this whole matrimony shtick.
13
00:00:31,903 --> 00:00:35,022
- I mean, weddings are dumb.
- What? You don't like weddings?
14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,434
Next, you're going to be saying
you don't like pictures of dogs with sunglasses,
15
00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:39,966
because they're "too hilarious"?
16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,132
Weddings are just archaic
bullshit parades, Dan.
17
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:44,140
I'm not into them
for the same reason
18
00:00:44,148 --> 00:00:46,547
I don't die from minor infections -
it's not 1853.
19
00:00:46,557 --> 00:00:48,716
Why did you even agree to be
my plus-one, then?
20
00:00:48,724 --> 00:00:50,923
I'm not going to turn down
a free meal, am I?
21
00:00:50,932 --> 00:00:53,611
Besides, let's check out this
fucking fancy pants mansion.
22
00:00:53,622 --> 00:00:55,901
It's like something from
a Jane Austen wet dream.
23
00:00:55,911 --> 00:00:58,270
How the hell can Jack afford
to hire this place?
24
00:00:58,279 --> 00:01:00,398
Isn't he like, a dodgy
estate agent or something?
25
00:01:00,407 --> 00:01:02,966
Yeah, he is, but this belongs
to the girl he's going to marry.
26
00:01:02,976 --> 00:01:05,855
- Seriously?
- Apparently, she's super posh.
27
00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:08,506
Technically, her family still
owns quite a lot of India.
28
00:01:08,516 --> 00:01:09,875
No shit?
29
00:01:09,881 --> 00:01:11,760
How long till this
thing starts, then?
30
00:01:11,768 --> 00:01:14,487
- I don't know, like three hours?
- Three hours?!
31
00:01:14,498 --> 00:01:16,977
At least that gives me
plenty of snooping time.
32
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:20,186
Look, Hannah - I love a snoop
as much as next guy -
33
00:01:20,199 --> 00:01:21,758
I'm the Snoopmaster General.
34
00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:25,123
But today is a massive day,
so maybe we should, you know...
35
00:01:25,137 --> 00:01:27,696
like, try not to fuck around?
36
00:01:27,706 --> 00:01:30,865
Relax, Dan. I just want to take
a peek behind the curtain -
37
00:01:30,877 --> 00:01:33,156
see how these Downton wannabes
really live.
38
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:36,445
Who knows, maybe I'll find
a chunk of ivory lying around?
39
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:38,218
Yeah, that'd be great!
40
00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,546
Sheriff, how do you do this again?
41
00:01:51,552 --> 00:01:53,591
It looks like someone tried
to fucking choke me,
42
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,399
got bored halfway through.
- KNOCKS AT DOOR
43
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,325
Open up, it's the cops!
You're both under arrest for...
44
00:01:58,337 --> 00:02:01,456
baby arson!
- LAUGHTER
45
00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:03,547
Look who it is!
46
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,316
Danny boy!
47
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:09,969
Don't worry, there are no police.
I was just doing a low voice.
48
00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:11,898
Sorry, I'm super early,
I hope that's cool.
49
00:02:11,906 --> 00:02:14,905
- Course, mate! It's good to see you!
- We missed you on the stag do, Danny.
50
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:17,396
Seriously, Thailand is such
a beautiful country -
51
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:20,325
and not just the sex workers, like
the actual scenery and stuff, too.
52
00:02:20,337 --> 00:02:22,096
I can't believe they
didn't let me travel
53
00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:23,822
just because I didn't
have a passport.
54
00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:26,309
I showed them my Boots
Advantage Card and everything.
55
00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:27,838
Mate, it was fucking brilliant.
56
00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:30,803
George and Winzor tried to get hold
of these special Asian poppers -
57
00:02:30,815 --> 00:02:32,294
got into a ruck with the dealer
58
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,659
and now they're only fucking
stuck in a Bangkok prison!
59
00:02:34,669 --> 00:02:36,828
Yeah, yeah, yeah -
the dude at the embassy says
60
00:02:36,837 --> 00:02:39,316
there's like a 30% chance
they'll get the death penalty!
61
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,485
- LAUGHTER
- Classic stag!
62
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,293
Ophelia, where are you running off
to? Come here a sec...
63
00:02:44,304 --> 00:02:47,543
Jacky, no - it's bad luck for us to
see each other before the wedding.
64
00:02:47,556 --> 00:02:49,595
Don't be daft, babe,
that's bollocks.
65
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,202
There's someone I want you to meet.
66
00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:54,368
Ophelia, this is Dan. Danny,
this is Ophelia - my future missus.
67
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:56,859
Hi, Jack's told me a lot about you.
Is it true you once tried
68
00:02:56,869 --> 00:02:59,668
to eat a whole bag of
polystyrene peanuts as a dare?
69
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,039
I had to have my stomach pumped
three and a half times -
70
00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:04,767
they said it was a hospital record.
- Legend of the Dan!
71
00:03:04,778 --> 00:03:06,937
Jack, Jack, Jack,
tell him how you two met.
72
00:03:06,946 --> 00:03:09,225
She was looking for a flat,
so I gave her a viewing -
73
00:03:09,234 --> 00:03:10,793
by the time we got into the kitchen,
74
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,679
we couldn't keep our
paws off each other.
75
00:03:12,687 --> 00:03:14,206
Honestly, the shit we did in there -
76
00:03:14,212 --> 00:03:16,411
we must have knocked ten grand
off the asking price.
77
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:18,459
I'm not sure how I feel
about you telling people
78
00:03:18,468 --> 00:03:21,387
that our relationship started with
us shagging on a breakfast nook.
79
00:03:21,398 --> 00:03:24,157
It's a sweet story! We'll be telling
our grandkids that one day.
80
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:27,848
You better wait until they're 18 -
I've still got a hard-on from the last time I heard it.
81
00:03:27,862 --> 00:03:30,501
Right, babe, we'll get out of
your hair, let you get ready.
82
00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:32,312
OK, bye. Ooh!
83
00:03:33,442 --> 00:03:35,561
Let's give Danny
a tour of the grounds.
84
00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:37,809
I can show you the room
where her great-granddad
85
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,377
used to play charades
with Kaiser Wilhelm.
86
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,147
LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
87
00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:53,018
Well, hello - looks like Little
Miss Snoopy just hit the jackpot.
88
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,003
Wow...
89
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,289
- May I help you?
- I'm just here for the wedding.
90
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,299
I thought I'd check out this sweet
ride while I waited for it to start.
91
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:17,149
- Do you know whose it is?
- It's a wedding present for my daughter.
92
00:04:17,161 --> 00:04:19,160
Fucking hell,
you got her a Mercedes?
93
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:21,567
I thought I was spoilt when
my dad got Daniel Radcliffe
94
00:04:21,577 --> 00:04:23,056
to come to my 12th birthday party.
95
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:25,381
I mean, it turned out
he just hired a lookalike.
96
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,990
This guy was almost 35, but
he had this weird hormone disease
97
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,679
that made him look super young.
98
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,565
As much as I'd love to continue
with this blistering conversation,
99
00:04:32,577 --> 00:04:35,776
perhaps you wouldn't mind heading
back to the house. - Oh, yeah, sure.
100
00:04:35,788 --> 00:04:38,027
Actually, could you get
a pic of me behind the wheel?
101
00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:40,116
- I'm sorry?
- I'll whack it up on Instagram,
102
00:04:40,124 --> 00:04:43,003
pretend I've got cast in
a Bond film or something.
103
00:04:43,015 --> 00:04:45,294
Oh, God - where is my phone?
104
00:04:45,303 --> 00:04:47,662
Can you maybe ring me
and then I...
105
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:51,032
Will you please get the hell
out of my daughter's car? Now!
106
00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,168
Whoa, chill out!
107
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,738
I thought this was supposed
to be a special day.
108
00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,068
Excuse me for trying
to capture a memory.
109
00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:08,370
Next stop on the tour, ladies
and gentleman, is the hunting lodge.
110
00:05:08,387 --> 00:05:10,906
Mate, you have seriously
come up trumps with this girl -
111
00:05:10,916 --> 00:05:12,795
it's like she was born
with a silver spoon
112
00:05:12,803 --> 00:05:14,682
sticking out of every fucking
orifice.
113
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:17,849
You know what, I'd love her even
if she lived in an old pizza box.
114
00:05:17,861 --> 00:05:19,860
Honestly, I've never known
anything like it.
115
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:22,707
Before I met Ophelia, the most
serious relationship I'd ever had
116
00:05:22,719 --> 00:05:25,918
was with the Japanese sex doll
Sheriff got me for my 18th.
117
00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:28,729
I'm so happy for you, Jack.
118
00:05:28,741 --> 00:05:30,901
Oi, Danny, Danny, come here a sec...
119
00:05:34,281 --> 00:05:36,400
What are you doing?
120
00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:38,247
I'm going to try and shoot it off...
121
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,655
- LAUGHTER
- Oh, fucking brilliant!
122
00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:43,829
What, really? What if you miss?
123
00:05:43,835 --> 00:05:46,674
This is my only suit, I don't really
want to get any blood on it...
124
00:05:46,686 --> 00:05:49,125
Mate, mate, don't worry about it,
I've got a wicked aim.
125
00:05:49,135 --> 00:05:51,774
We went on a hunt last week,
I nearly shot a grouse.
126
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,983
Come on, Danny boy - it's my wedding
day. Think of it as my present.
127
00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:58,356
I mean, I got you an egg poacher
off the wedding list...
128
00:05:59,653 --> 00:06:01,732
OK.
129
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:04,380
Ready, lads? Ready. Three...
130
00:06:05,996 --> 00:06:07,196
two...
131
00:06:09,529 --> 00:06:12,168
Oh, shit!
132
00:06:12,178 --> 00:06:13,817
Did you shoot me? Am I dead?
133
00:06:13,824 --> 00:06:16,343
I think I've got another
fucking kidney stone.
134
00:06:16,353 --> 00:06:19,392
What, again? I told you,
you've got to drink loads of water.
135
00:06:19,404 --> 00:06:21,763
And I told you,
I'm not a fucking horse...
136
00:06:21,773 --> 00:06:23,452
Aargh! Seriously, mate,
137
00:06:23,459 --> 00:06:26,058
I'm going to have to get down
fucking A & E, quick-sharpish...
138
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:27,268
You can't leave!
139
00:06:27,273 --> 00:06:30,192
I've already lost two of my
groomsmen to the Thai penal system.
140
00:06:30,204 --> 00:06:31,883
I can't lose my best man as well!
141
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,449
- Jack, I'll do it.
- What?
142
00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:36,574
I'll take over from Sheriff. I know
how much this day means to you.
143
00:06:36,587 --> 00:06:37,946
I'd do anything to help.
144
00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:40,071
You're like a little
big brother to me.
145
00:06:40,079 --> 00:06:41,918
- You'd be my best man?
- Hell, yeah.
146
00:06:41,926 --> 00:06:44,565
And I promise you, I'm going
to make the best best man
147
00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:47,695
that ever best manned
in the history of man.
148
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,666
This is really lovely
and that, lads -
149
00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:51,913
but I'm about to piss out
an angry pebble here.
150
00:06:51,922 --> 00:06:53,602
Can I get a little help?
151
00:06:59,389 --> 00:07:00,748
Ooh.
152
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,553
Could I maybe borrow one of those?
153
00:07:03,565 --> 00:07:05,964
I don't see why not.
154
00:07:05,973 --> 00:07:08,732
I don't normally smoke, but I've
got this rule that I'm allowed to
155
00:07:08,743 --> 00:07:10,942
whenever I'm more than
20 miles from home.
156
00:07:10,951 --> 00:07:12,871
And on weekends and weeknights.
157
00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:18,488
- So, you're here for the wedding, then?
- Unfortunately.
158
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:22,222
My sister's the lucky lady
taking the plunge.
159
00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:24,871
Oh, shit. I think
I just met your dad.
160
00:07:24,882 --> 00:07:26,721
No offence,
but he's kind of a dick -
161
00:07:26,729 --> 00:07:29,208
he read me the riot act
just for trying to take a picture.
162
00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:32,217
That sounds like Charles -
he's quite the killjoy.
163
00:07:32,229 --> 00:07:35,389
He's been in a foul mood since
he got thrown off his horse.
164
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:39,205
Rest assured, the beast
was dealt with.
165
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:44,137
- What?
- Sorry, it's just your face looks really familiar.
166
00:07:44,152 --> 00:07:47,231
Did you use to teach a
hot yoga workshop at the YMCA?
167
00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:50,123
Believe me, I have never
set foot in a YMCA.
168
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,419
Hello, missy. You're not ready yet?
169
00:07:54,429 --> 00:07:57,388
What's the matter? The girl's
not getting cold feet, is she?
170
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,119
No, Sebastian, the girl is not...
171
00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:00,805
I just wanted to find you...
172
00:08:00,812 --> 00:08:03,611
and tell you that your Bristol pals
called to say they'll be late.
173
00:08:03,623 --> 00:08:07,942
Did you go to Bristol? Me too!
I definitely recognise you.
174
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:11,077
- Is this a friend of yours, Sebby?
- Oh, no. She's one of the caterers.
175
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,729
What the hell? I'm not a caterer?!
176
00:08:13,739 --> 00:08:16,498
I just thought,
because of your dress...
177
00:08:16,509 --> 00:08:17,868
Excuse me?!
178
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:21,913
I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse my
brother - he can be a tad tactless.
179
00:08:21,929 --> 00:08:24,209
Please enjoy the day. Come on, Seb.
180
00:08:26,666 --> 00:08:27,905
God!
181
00:08:27,911 --> 00:08:29,230
Best man, nice to meet you.
182
00:08:29,235 --> 00:08:31,794
I'm the best man. Nice to meet you.
I'm the best man.
183
00:08:31,805 --> 00:08:33,165
Uncle James!
184
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:37,414
Hannah, great news -
185
00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:40,344
- Sheriff's at hospital.
- What did you do? - Nothing.
186
00:08:40,356 --> 00:08:42,915
He had a hernia or something,
so he had to go to A & E -
187
00:08:42,925 --> 00:08:46,004
and Jack made me his best man!
188
00:08:46,016 --> 00:08:49,375
Well, your first job should be to
tell him he's making a big mistake.
189
00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:52,228
Sorry, Hannah, I have my hands full
with best man shit right now -
190
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:54,358
I do not have time for more
anti-marriage stuff.
191
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,086
No, seriously -
he's getting himself tied up
192
00:08:57,097 --> 00:08:59,176
with a bunch of sour, posho twats.
193
00:08:59,184 --> 00:09:00,703
Firstly, the dad tells me off,
194
00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:03,109
like I'm some naughty
Jack Russell or something.
195
00:09:03,118 --> 00:09:06,037
- And then the brother verbally
assaulted me. - Oh, my God, really?
196
00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:08,848
He called me a caterer,
but that's still a dick-move, right?
197
00:09:08,859 --> 00:09:12,618
I mean, he didn't even apologise
for embarrassing me.
198
00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:14,112
Shit...
199
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,477
I just remembered where
I know Sebastian from.
200
00:09:16,487 --> 00:09:19,446
- He was in The Dionysus Club.
- What are you talking about?
201
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,977
It was this posh drinking
society at uni.
202
00:09:21,987 --> 00:09:25,226
In freshers' week, they invited me
to this "exclusive" house party.
203
00:09:25,239 --> 00:09:28,478
I got all dolled up - new dress,
haircut, the whole deal.
204
00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:31,009
But when I got there,
they showed me into the garden
205
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,379
and locked the door behind me.
206
00:09:32,385 --> 00:09:35,384
I turned around and all the guests
were leaning out of the windows,
207
00:09:35,396 --> 00:09:37,635
holding balloons.
- Sounds like a great party.
208
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,003
The balloons were filled
with whipped cream, Dan -
209
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,211
and I got hit with
every single one of them.
210
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:45,899
Turns out I was just a stooge
for some sick club ritual.
211
00:09:45,914 --> 00:09:48,953
My freshers' week was ruined
and for the rest of my time at uni,
212
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,604
I was known as...
213
00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:52,530
the Cream Hog.
214
00:09:52,538 --> 00:09:55,297
You said people called you that
because you loved frappuccinos.
215
00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:57,267
I can't believe
he didn't remember me.
216
00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:59,754
Right, I'm going to go find
that upper-crust prick
217
00:09:59,764 --> 00:10:02,403
and I'm going to give him a
friendly little history lesson.
218
00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:05,094
- And by friendly, I mean...
- I know what you mean.
219
00:10:07,111 --> 00:10:09,711
Wait for me,
best man coming through!
220
00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:16,335
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?
221
00:10:16,344 --> 00:10:18,783
My name is Dan French -
222
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:21,712
I am one of Jack's closest friends
223
00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:24,764
and as of 20 minutes ago,
the best man!
224
00:10:27,505 --> 00:10:29,584
Hey, why don't we
liven things up a bit?
225
00:10:29,592 --> 00:10:33,551
Get this atmosphere popping.
I mean, it's a celebration, right?
226
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:36,807
When I say "Awesome",
you say "Wedding". Awesome...!
227
00:10:39,147 --> 00:10:40,866
Awesome!
228
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,072
I can't hear you! Awesome...
229
00:10:43,081 --> 00:10:46,001
Could you please stop yelling
the word "awesome"?
230
00:10:49,986 --> 00:10:52,025
Apologies, ladies and gentlemen.
231
00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:55,873
- The ceremony will be
starting shortly... - The ceremony
232
00:10:55,888 --> 00:11:00,328
BOTH: So, if you would care to make
your way towards the East Parlour...
233
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,958
- Guests of the bride...
- Guests of the bride...
234
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:08,887
BOTH: ..will be seated on the left
235
00:11:08,895 --> 00:11:11,295
and those of the groom will be on
the right.
236
00:11:14,314 --> 00:11:17,593
Let's have a good wedding, yeah?
Any questions, come to me.
237
00:11:17,606 --> 00:11:19,965
Any questions, come to me.
238
00:11:19,975 --> 00:11:22,095
Anything at all, come to me.
239
00:11:24,471 --> 00:11:26,791
Hey, toff boy, can I have a word?
240
00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,963
If this is about
the caterer thing...
241
00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:31,370
No, take a look at my face,
242
00:11:31,376 --> 00:11:34,295
and don't you dare tell me
that you don't remember it.
243
00:11:34,307 --> 00:11:38,106
Maybe this will jog your memory.
Oink, oink, oink...
244
00:11:38,121 --> 00:11:41,960
- Oink, oink, oink!
- Stop that - are you possessed?
245
00:11:41,975 --> 00:11:44,374
I was the Cream Hog, you prick!
246
00:11:44,384 --> 00:11:46,423
Oh, God, yes...
247
00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:49,590
Wow, I haven't thought
about that in years.
248
00:11:49,603 --> 00:11:52,322
- How are you doing?
- How am I doing?!
249
00:11:52,332 --> 00:11:56,211
Thanks to you and your mates, I was
a laughing stock for three years.
250
00:11:56,227 --> 00:11:57,866
Look, don't take it personally.
251
00:11:57,873 --> 00:11:59,712
You weren't the first cream hog
252
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,078
and I'm pretty sure
you won't be the last...
253
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:03,367
Do you think this is a joke?
254
00:12:03,372 --> 00:12:05,771
Because I can tell you,
there is nothing funny about
255
00:12:05,781 --> 00:12:09,380
spending five hours scooping whipped
cream out of your ear canals.
256
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:11,633
- All right, how much?
- Er, what?
257
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:15,922
How much is it going to take for you
to piss off and leave me alone?
258
00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,777
Unbelievable!
259
00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:22,104
I am not some naive chambermaid
you groped after too many sherries,
260
00:12:22,121 --> 00:12:23,720
you can't just pay me off.
261
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,405
I want an apology.
262
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,411
- I mean, obviously
I'll take some money, but... - Jesus!
263
00:12:28,423 --> 00:12:30,782
It's bad enough I have to
slap a grin on my mug all day
264
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:34,391
for this wretched wedding, I don't
need another fucking ball-ache.
265
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,124
Do yourself a favour
and get over it -
266
00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:39,334
all right, Cream Hog?
267
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:41,863
SHE GASPS Do not call me that!
268
00:12:44,562 --> 00:12:45,962
That's not my name.
269
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,993
Fuck, she's late, Danny.
270
00:12:56,003 --> 00:12:59,002
- What if she's changed her mind
and done a runner? - No way!
271
00:12:59,014 --> 00:13:01,173
I saw you two this morning -
it was like looking at
272
00:13:01,182 --> 00:13:03,861
one of those creepy stock photos
you get with a picture frame.
273
00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:05,031
God, I hope you're right.
274
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:07,275
I can't go back to being
a grubby little bachelor.
275
00:13:07,284 --> 00:13:09,403
Living all alone -
end up cracking my skull
276
00:13:09,412 --> 00:13:11,571
cos I slipped in the shower
tugging myself off.
277
00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:14,459
They find my corpse sopping wet,
with my dick in my hand...
278
00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:17,549
Hey, I'm sure there's a totally
legit explanation, all right?
279
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:20,321
Maybe she dropped her veil
down the toilet
280
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:22,331
and she's waiting for it to dry off?
281
00:13:22,339 --> 00:13:24,178
God, I wish Sheriff was here.
282
00:13:24,186 --> 00:13:26,665
Usually, when I get worked up,
he slips me one of the Valium
283
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:29,834
he nicked from the chiropractor's
office. - Jack, relax.
284
00:13:29,846 --> 00:13:34,205
You don't need Sheriff or his
dodgy sedatives - you've got me, OK?
285
00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:37,981
- I'm your best man and it's my job
to fix problems like this. - Yeah?
286
00:13:37,996 --> 00:13:39,555
Now, I'm going to look for her.
287
00:13:39,562 --> 00:13:41,962
You go back in there,
put on a brave face.
288
00:13:46,547 --> 00:13:48,826
- Hey, have you seen Ophelia?
- Who the hell's Ophelia?
289
00:13:48,835 --> 00:13:51,194
The bride! She hasn't turned up
and Jack's wigging out.
290
00:13:51,204 --> 00:13:53,523
- Can you help me look for her?
- Sorry, Dan, no time.
291
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:56,211
- Mama's on a revenge mission.
- Is this about the cream thing?
292
00:13:56,222 --> 00:13:59,541
- I've got to get even.
- Hannah, today is not about you, OK?
293
00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:02,073
It's about me being best man
and saving the day.
294
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,882
Sorry, but I've got to
show that dick
295
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:05,929
I'm not some fruit-fly
he can brush away.
296
00:14:05,937 --> 00:14:08,696
I'm one of those big, fuck-off
tropical insects that bites you
297
00:14:08,707 --> 00:14:11,586
and makes you have a heart attack
and piss yourself at the same time.
298
00:14:11,598 --> 00:14:14,278
Good luck with the whole
missing bride shit.
299
00:14:32,433 --> 00:14:34,072
SHE SOBS
300
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,439
- Hi!
- Hi... - Can I come in?
301
00:14:37,612 --> 00:14:39,212
Great.
302
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,759
There you are!
Everybody's looking for you -
303
00:14:47,769 --> 00:14:50,328
it's like a really formal game
of hide-and-seek out there.
304
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:52,177
Well, you can tell them
to call it off.
305
00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:54,984
- You can tell them to call
the whole thing off. - What do you mean?
306
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,434
I don't think
I can go through with it.
307
00:14:57,444 --> 00:15:01,603
- I thought I could, but I just can't.
- Sure you can, it's easy.
308
00:15:01,619 --> 00:15:03,298
Just say "I do" -
309
00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:05,464
two words, and then we all get cake.
310
00:15:05,473 --> 00:15:08,312
I just keep thinking,
maybe Jacky's not the one?
311
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,043
Of course he is!
312
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:12,889
He's a great dude and
he loves you like crazy.
313
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:16,979
You know, he turned down
every single handjob he got offered in Thailand?
314
00:15:16,995 --> 00:15:19,674
I know, he means the world to me.
315
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,364
He's my randy little chipmunk,
I just...
316
00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:24,974
I think maybe, I'm making a mistake.
317
00:15:24,984 --> 00:15:28,703
Ophelia, it's totally normal
to have second thoughts
318
00:15:28,718 --> 00:15:30,837
when you're making
a really big decision.
319
00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:32,404
It's like when I was 12,
320
00:15:32,411 --> 00:15:35,730
and as a treat for going a whole
month without wetting the bed,
321
00:15:35,743 --> 00:15:38,662
my mum said I could get
any ice cream I wanted.
322
00:15:38,674 --> 00:15:41,553
I spent ages looking at
all the options -
323
00:15:41,564 --> 00:15:44,844
Solero, Twister, Fab...
324
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,099
Eventually, I went for
the Cherry Screwball.
325
00:15:48,108 --> 00:15:50,187
The whole time I was eating it,
I kept thinking,
326
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:51,635
"Maybe I chose wrong..."
327
00:15:51,641 --> 00:15:54,520
until I got to that chalky
little gumball at the bottom
328
00:15:54,531 --> 00:15:56,050
and then it hit me -
329
00:15:56,057 --> 00:15:58,096
I'd made the right choice.
330
00:15:58,104 --> 00:15:59,743
And I'm telling you, Ophelia -
331
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,269
you're making the right choice,
marrying Jack.
332
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:04,119
He's your Cherry Screwball.
333
00:16:07,860 --> 00:16:09,780
You wet the bed till you were 12?
334
00:16:18,257 --> 00:16:19,976
Hello, old friend.
335
00:16:19,984 --> 00:16:21,543
Oh, Jesus.
336
00:16:21,549 --> 00:16:23,508
You're like a bad
fucking cold sore -
337
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,595
you keep popping up
worse than before.
338
00:16:25,604 --> 00:16:27,923
- I take that as a compliment.
- What the hell do you want?
339
00:16:27,932 --> 00:16:29,491
You know what I want. Justice.
340
00:16:29,498 --> 00:16:30,937
I told you, the Cream Hog thing
341
00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:33,422
was a silly bit of fun
between mates, OK?
342
00:16:33,432 --> 00:16:35,551
It's ancient history - move on.
343
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,319
That "silly bit of fun"
ruined my freshers' week
344
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,490
and made me a joke
for three years.
345
00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:45,428
Is that whipped cream?
346
00:16:45,436 --> 00:16:49,155
Prepare to feel the sweet,
sticky tongue of vengeance all over your body!
347
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:50,650
Are you mad, woman?
348
00:16:54,188 --> 00:16:55,787
What in God's name is going on?
349
00:16:55,794 --> 00:16:57,793
Dad, it's not my fault,
this cow is deranged...
350
00:16:57,801 --> 00:17:00,040
- We were at uni together,
and him and... - Shut up!
351
00:17:00,049 --> 00:17:03,968
This godforsaken day has been
like a carving knife to my temple
352
00:17:03,983 --> 00:17:06,182
and that was before
your sister decided
353
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,910
to pull her little escapology act.
354
00:17:07,918 --> 00:17:10,277
The last thing I need is
you and your friends
355
00:17:10,286 --> 00:17:13,525
causing a scene with foodstuffs,
like circus folk.
356
00:17:13,538 --> 00:17:15,137
Dad, it's not my fault.
357
00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:18,023
If only it had been you
who died in that maternity ward
358
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:19,474
and not your mother.
359
00:17:22,009 --> 00:17:24,608
Ouch! Do you want some
Savlon for that burn?
360
00:17:24,618 --> 00:17:26,697
Give me the can.
361
00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:29,425
Don't worry, guys, I found her!
362
00:17:29,436 --> 00:17:32,115
Just the best man doing
what he does best!
363
00:17:32,125 --> 00:17:34,845
DAN HUMS WEDDING MARCH
364
00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:43,273
I fucking did it - I'm
one of them married wankers, now.
365
00:17:43,286 --> 00:17:45,765
Honestly, I couldn't have
done it without you, Danny boy.
366
00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:47,334
You are a fucking legend.
367
00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:50,460
Thanks, Jack, but just wait till
you hear my best man speech.
368
00:17:50,472 --> 00:17:52,431
Shit, you've already
written a speech?
369
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,998
Well, I just looked up
a bunch of stuff online -
370
00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,967
you know, anecdotes,
risque gags... - Woo-arr!
371
00:17:57,979 --> 00:18:00,298
Quick question, do you think
anyone will be offended
372
00:18:00,308 --> 00:18:03,107
if I called one of the
bridesmaids the C-word?
373
00:18:03,118 --> 00:18:05,317
Oh, here he is!
My new brother-in-law!
374
00:18:05,326 --> 00:18:07,685
It's finally official, isn't it?
375
00:18:07,694 --> 00:18:11,333
My sister is no longer a member
of the Faulkner-Jones clan,
376
00:18:11,348 --> 00:18:14,307
she's now the lucky
Mrs Ophelia Plunk.
377
00:18:14,319 --> 00:18:17,318
I was thinking, when me and Ophelia
get back from our honeymoon,
378
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,888
the three of us should hang out.
379
00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:20,254
"Hang out"?
380
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:23,659
You know, go for a carvery or
something - a bit of family time.
381
00:18:23,672 --> 00:18:27,391
Believe me, Jack, it's going to take
more than an Argos wedding ring
382
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:30,366
and a piece of paper to make you
part of this family.
383
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,117
Honestly, I never have a clue
what he's banging on about,
384
00:18:39,129 --> 00:18:40,929
but he's a fucking solid fella.
385
00:18:42,099 --> 00:18:44,138
And he didn't even apologise.
386
00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:49,546
It's crazy - I mean, that Cream Hog
prank really traumatised me.
387
00:18:49,566 --> 00:18:51,525
It might even have been GBH.
388
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:54,413
- FINGERS SNAP
- Come on, pick up the pace! - What?
389
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:56,943
We have two tables in the corner
that still need clearing.
390
00:18:56,953 --> 00:19:00,152
What the fuck are you talking about?
I don't work for you.
391
00:19:00,165 --> 00:19:03,724
Oh, goodness. Um... I'm so sorry.
392
00:19:03,738 --> 00:19:06,577
Why do people keep confusing me
for a caterer, I mean...
393
00:19:06,588 --> 00:19:09,028
Ian, I can't find
the dessert spoons.
394
00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:14,933
Fuck you all.
395
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,744
Hey, Hannah, where are you off to?
396
00:19:18,752 --> 00:19:21,751
- Sorry, Dan, but I've had enough.
I'm leaving. - You can't leave.
397
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:22,922
What will people say
398
00:19:22,927 --> 00:19:25,286
if the best man's sister
isn't there for his speech?
399
00:19:25,296 --> 00:19:29,335
Today has been a shit-show.
Sebastian won and I lost and...
400
00:19:29,351 --> 00:19:32,310
- I give up.
- Wow. I've never heard you say that before.
401
00:19:32,322 --> 00:19:35,001
I guess today just proves
that aristopricks like him
402
00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:38,290
are always going to get the better
of plucky, honest Joes, like me.
403
00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:41,982
I just want to find my coat and
put this whole day behind me.
404
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:43,797
MOANING, GASPING
405
00:19:49,223 --> 00:19:50,823
I can just get another coat.
406
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,219
Fuck.
407
00:20:01,226 --> 00:20:03,105
Jack's going to be so upset.
408
00:20:03,113 --> 00:20:05,672
Yeah, right after
he finishes throwing up.
409
00:20:05,683 --> 00:20:07,482
God, this is all my fault.
410
00:20:07,489 --> 00:20:08,768
How is this your fault?
411
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:11,813
When I found Ophelia, she told me
she didn't think Jack was the one,
412
00:20:11,825 --> 00:20:13,944
but I convinced her
to go through with it.
413
00:20:13,953 --> 00:20:16,592
I was banging on about ice cream
for 20 minutes, like a dick...
414
00:20:16,602 --> 00:20:19,041
She might have mentioned
she was humping her brother.
415
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,330
Trust me, the best thing
we can do right now is get the hell out of here.
416
00:20:22,343 --> 00:20:24,142
- What?
- Let's just go.
417
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:26,149
We'll pretend like
none of this ever happened -
418
00:20:26,157 --> 00:20:29,156
it'll be like when we found Mum's
vibrators in the washing machine.
419
00:20:29,168 --> 00:20:30,767
Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
420
00:20:30,774 --> 00:20:33,494
May I have a word
with the two of you?
421
00:20:37,358 --> 00:20:38,798
Now...
422
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:43,128
I don't know what the
pair of you think you saw...
423
00:20:43,139 --> 00:20:45,458
We saw your weird kids
fucking each other.
424
00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:47,146
Yes.
425
00:20:47,153 --> 00:20:49,632
Well, I had hoped that that
particular form of horseplay
426
00:20:49,642 --> 00:20:51,881
had been left behind
with adolescence,
427
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:58,089
but I'm sure you can appreciate
that weddings are emotional days,
428
00:20:58,113 --> 00:21:02,393
and sometimes, emotions can get
the better of weaker individuals.
429
00:21:03,854 --> 00:21:08,493
Now, given the magnitude
of this occasion,
430
00:21:08,511 --> 00:21:11,150
I do feel it would be for
the good of us all
431
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:16,199
if today's... developments stayed
within these four walls.
432
00:21:16,219 --> 00:21:18,298
Oh, my God,
are you going to kill us?
433
00:21:18,306 --> 00:21:19,545
Eh?
434
00:21:19,551 --> 00:21:21,870
No, I'm simply going to ask
435
00:21:21,879 --> 00:21:24,958
that you practice a certain
level of discretion.
436
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:26,929
DAN SIGHS
437
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:28,337
Fair enough.
438
00:21:29,547 --> 00:21:33,066
But, I mean...
what's in it for us?
439
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,239
Come again?
440
00:21:34,244 --> 00:21:35,683
The way I see it,
441
00:21:35,689 --> 00:21:40,088
it's kind of like your kids have had
an accident in the swimming pool,
442
00:21:40,105 --> 00:21:43,464
and you're asking us to
keep doing the backstroke
443
00:21:43,477 --> 00:21:47,357
and pretend that we didn't just see
a giant turd floating by.
444
00:21:48,937 --> 00:21:51,016
Very well.
445
00:21:51,025 --> 00:21:53,345
How much will it take
to keep you quiet?
446
00:21:54,758 --> 00:21:57,958
I want an apology from Sebastian...
447
00:21:59,014 --> 00:22:02,373
...and that awesome Mercedes.
448
00:22:02,386 --> 00:22:05,066
- No fucking way.
- Father, you can't... - Silence!
449
00:22:09,291 --> 00:22:10,770
Here's what's going to happen.
450
00:22:10,777 --> 00:22:15,256
You are going to stay here
with my pathetic excuse for a son,
451
00:22:15,273 --> 00:22:17,992
you're going to keep an eye on him
until he sobers up.
452
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,042
If you can handle that,
the Mercedes is all yours.
453
00:22:21,054 --> 00:22:24,053
And you are going to come back
to the reception with me,
454
00:22:24,065 --> 00:22:27,424
and we are going to get this
farce of a wedding over with.
455
00:22:27,437 --> 00:22:30,796
I'm sorry, I can't just
go back and act all normal.
456
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:33,608
I feel like I'm going to cry
out of every hole.
457
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:36,019
You're the best man, correct?
458
00:22:37,152 --> 00:22:41,632
Then it's your job to do whatever
it takes to keep your friend happy.
459
00:22:43,937 --> 00:22:48,216
I know a lot of you have travelled
far and wide to be with us today,
460
00:22:48,232 --> 00:22:51,631
so I just want you to know
how grateful we are to you
461
00:22:51,645 --> 00:22:53,884
for having made the effort.
- DAN SOBS
462
00:22:53,893 --> 00:22:58,772
Today truly has been
a wonderful occasion,
463
00:22:58,791 --> 00:23:03,190
but all good things must come to
an end, so without further ado,
464
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:06,047
I'm going to ask the best man
to say a few words.
465
00:23:08,305 --> 00:23:10,505
CHARLES COUGHS
Oi, Danny boy, you're up.
466
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,245
Give them hell.
467
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:26,634
I read that a good best man speech
should be like a Mexican dwarf...
468
00:23:27,655 --> 00:23:30,734
...short and a little bit spicy.
469
00:23:30,747 --> 00:23:32,747
JACK LAUGHS
470
00:23:35,323 --> 00:23:38,762
Hey, Sebastian, where's the
best place to buy driving gloves?
471
00:23:38,776 --> 00:23:40,055
Excuse me?
472
00:23:40,060 --> 00:23:43,379
I was thinking, driving gloves might
go really nicely with my Mercedes.
473
00:23:43,393 --> 00:23:45,272
Maybe an in-car humidor, as well.
474
00:23:45,279 --> 00:23:47,318
You know, expensive
possessions are nice,
475
00:23:47,327 --> 00:23:50,046
but they'll never make you happy.
- Not true.
476
00:23:50,057 --> 00:23:51,496
The only people who ever say that
477
00:23:51,502 --> 00:23:53,981
are people who either have
no chance of ever being rich,
478
00:23:53,991 --> 00:23:55,790
or people who already are rich.
479
00:23:55,798 --> 00:23:58,397
It's us suckers in the middle
who know that that's bullshit.
480
00:23:58,407 --> 00:24:00,006
Take it from me, Hannah -
481
00:24:00,013 --> 00:24:03,052
I've lived my whole life
surrounded by lavish objects,
482
00:24:03,064 --> 00:24:05,703
but the one thing I truly loved,
I couldn't have.
483
00:24:05,714 --> 00:24:08,193
Yeah, because it's your sister,
you fucking weirdo.
484
00:24:08,203 --> 00:24:10,562
God, my dad was right...
485
00:24:10,571 --> 00:24:12,130
I'm pathetic.
486
00:24:12,137 --> 00:24:14,136
I was a pathetic child,
487
00:24:14,144 --> 00:24:16,543
I was pathetic when I let
my friends throw cream at you
488
00:24:16,553 --> 00:24:19,633
- HE SOBS
and I'm pathetic now...
489
00:24:23,217 --> 00:24:26,256
Whoa, come on, don't do that.
490
00:24:26,268 --> 00:24:29,387
Do you want to, I don't know,
play cribbage or something?
491
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,999
I'll be OK.
492
00:24:32,009 --> 00:24:34,808
Could you just get me
a tissue from over there?
493
00:24:34,819 --> 00:24:35,979
Yeah, sure.
494
00:24:37,107 --> 00:24:40,866
And you know, I made a pretty
big deal of the Cream Hog thing,
495
00:24:40,881 --> 00:24:43,480
but I think maybe
we're even now and...
496
00:24:43,491 --> 00:24:45,011
DOOR OPENS
497
00:24:46,020 --> 00:24:47,620
Oh, shit.
498
00:24:48,830 --> 00:24:54,309
I'm sure some of you have found this
speech revolting, disappointing...
499
00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:56,689
and thought it finished too quickly,
500
00:24:56,699 --> 00:24:58,538
but I just wanted to give the bride
501
00:24:58,545 --> 00:25:00,864
a preview of what's in store
for her tonight...
502
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:03,434
JACK LAUGHS
DAN SOBS
503
00:25:06,735 --> 00:25:11,374
So, please join me in raising
a toast to Jack and Ophelia.
504
00:25:11,392 --> 00:25:14,791
I'm sure you'll be the
happiest couple in the world.
505
00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:17,644
- Jack and Ophelia.
ALL: - Jack and Ophelia.
506
00:25:22,833 --> 00:25:25,152
Thank you, Danny boy.
507
00:25:25,162 --> 00:25:27,762
Anyway, I wanted to say
a few final words.
508
00:25:31,023 --> 00:25:36,102
Ophelia, I have never loved anyone
else as much as I love you.
509
00:25:36,122 --> 00:25:40,721
You are my porcelain angel and
I want to prove to everyone here
510
00:25:40,738 --> 00:25:42,377
just how much I love you.
511
00:25:42,384 --> 00:25:44,184
ALL: Aww...
512
00:25:50,012 --> 00:25:52,092
This is Ayumi.
513
00:25:53,264 --> 00:25:55,303
My sex doll.
514
00:25:55,311 --> 00:25:57,790
Before I met you, she was all I had.
515
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,519
But now, she means nothing to me,
516
00:25:59,527 --> 00:26:02,527
because I know what you and I have
is the real deal.
517
00:26:11,771 --> 00:26:13,171
Goodbye.
518
00:26:14,902 --> 00:26:16,422
Stop! Don't do it!
519
00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:21,553
Jack, I'm sorry, but there's
something I need to tell you.
520
00:26:21,567 --> 00:26:23,566
Sit down, you fool.
521
00:26:23,574 --> 00:26:25,893
Stop, stop, stop!
522
00:26:25,902 --> 00:26:29,861
- Sebby?
- Everybody, there's something that I need to say...
523
00:26:29,877 --> 00:26:32,076
Stop! Don't listen to him,
he's fucking crazy!
524
00:26:32,085 --> 00:26:33,844
I am not crazy.
525
00:26:33,851 --> 00:26:36,451
I just need everybody
to know that I...
526
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,280
I...
527
00:26:44,409 --> 00:26:45,809
...love my sister.
528
00:26:47,380 --> 00:26:48,820
And...
529
00:26:51,917 --> 00:26:53,317
I hope that she's happy.
530
00:27:06,369 --> 00:27:08,528
Whoo!
531
00:27:08,537 --> 00:27:11,256
Let's hear it for
the happy couple. Hit it!
532
00:27:11,267 --> 00:27:14,307
Oh. I thought there'd be
someone on music. No?
533
00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:24,142
You know what, Dan? I take back
what I said this morning.
534
00:27:24,154 --> 00:27:26,913
All-in-all, that was
a pretty good wedding.
535
00:27:26,924 --> 00:27:29,484
Are you joking? It was a nightmare!
536
00:27:30,738 --> 00:27:33,377
I mean, I'm eating this cake,
but I can barely enjoy it.
537
00:27:33,387 --> 00:27:35,506
I was supposed to be best man,
but thanks to me,
538
00:27:35,515 --> 00:27:38,394
Jack and Ophelia are stuck in
an empty, twisted marriage.
539
00:27:38,405 --> 00:27:39,764
If it's any consolation,
540
00:27:39,770 --> 00:27:42,249
you're basically just
describing most marriages.
541
00:27:42,259 --> 00:27:46,178
Plus, look on the bright side -
I got a Mercedes out of it.
542
00:27:46,194 --> 00:27:49,553
I suppose any day where you get
a free car can't be all bad.
543
00:27:49,566 --> 00:27:52,405
Exactly! Now, let's go get
our hands on that little beauty
544
00:27:52,416 --> 00:27:54,415
and get the fuck
out of this hellhole.
545
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:55,942
Is there someone in there?
546
00:27:55,949 --> 00:27:58,148
Oh shit, maybe they got us
a driver as well.
547
00:27:58,157 --> 00:28:00,636
No, it looks like, er... Sebastian.
548
00:28:00,646 --> 00:28:02,726
Oh, God. What's he doing there?
549
00:28:04,460 --> 00:28:06,659
- Oh shit...
- GUNSHOT
550
00:28:06,668 --> 00:28:07,987
BIRDS FLUTTER AWAY
551
00:28:07,993 --> 00:28:09,992
Fuck!
552
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,680
My Mercedes...
553
00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:16,280
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