All language subtitles for Siblings s02e04 Gregg and Lily.eng

Hello Nana.

Hurry up, I don't want
to be late for partay.

Why the hell is Dad throwing himself
a birthday party anyway?

He never makes a big deal
about birthdays.

Uh, because they're awesome.

He's been acting really weird lately.

We went for lunch a few weeks ago

and he was way more
chilled out than normal.

He even smiled a couple of times.

What, you and Dad had lunch?
Whenever I ask to hang out with him he's always like,

"Of course I don't want to play
Frisbee in the middle of the afternoon."

But dads always have a special bond
with their oldest kids.

It's thanks to me that
he knows he's got healthy sperm.

Well, I think I'll be jumping to
the top of the favourite kid list

when he gets a load of my present.

It even plays
a personalised message.

'Happy birthday, Dad.
I hope you have a...'

'Fuck. Shit. Oh, shit!'

I spilt some soup on it
when I was recording the message

and I can't figure out
how to delete it.

I think my status as favourite kid
is safe for now.

Now come on.

Help me find some junk in here that
I can pass off as a thoughtful gift.

I'm not taking business calls, I'm
trying to enjoy my fucking birthday.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, how are you two? How's work? - Good.

I've managed to get around the
internet filter at my office,

so I can watch clips with
full frontal in them at my desk.

And what about you, Dan?

Are you still spending your days
trying to...

What was it, invent a new egg?

No, it was a new way of cooking eggs
instead of frying or poaching.

But after I got salmonella for the
fourth time, I just sort of gave up.

That's my boy.

Hey, I got you a present.

Superglue?

Yes, because you are the glue
in our lives.

And you are super at it.

That's great, I'll pop it next to
the triple-A batteries you got me for my 50th.

Don't worry, Dad. My present is a
lot less shitty than Hannah's.

It's a bespoke, stuffed bear.

Complete with a personalised...

How many times do I have to say,
I am busy?

Seriously, I am this close to
getting the words,

"Leave me the fuck alone"
embroidered on a pillow

and coming round there
and smothering you with it!

See what I mean? He is definitely
more chilled out than usual.

Whoa, there's like two pigs'
worth of cocktail sausages here.

Dad's really gone all
out with this soiree.

Yeah, and look how many of
Dad's friends and family are here.

He hates his friends and family.

I don't like this. Something's up.

God, you're really suspicious.

Seriously, you look like a chimp
that's just been given a snow globe.

Excuse me, everyone. If I could
have your attention, please.

I don't want to break up
the festivities,

but there are a couple of people I'd
like you to meet. Beverley, Lily.

Now, Beverley and I met
five months ago.

I was on my way to
Clacton to do some business,

so as you can imagine
I was on the verge of self-harming.

Fortunately, I was sat next to
this angel, and...

Well, three hours later
I was smitten.

And last week when I asked her to
marry me...

Ooh!

She said yes.

Lucky bastard!

Dan, why are you laughing?
Did you hear what Dad just said?

Yeah, he's getting married.

Exactly. This is massive news and he
just casually springs it on us

like he's saying
he needs to go pee or something.

I don't care, I'm happy for him.

I hope my second wife is that hot.

Dad, could I have a word?

Here we go.

All right. Come on,
let's hear it, Hannah.

No, no, no. I just...

I just want to say congratulations
on your engagement.

Really?

I also wondered
if you were planning

on dropping any other
bombshells today?

You're moving to Burundi? You got me
and Dan from an orphanage?

This house is actually made
of fucking naan bread?

OK, maybe a wee bit dramatic.

Dad, who is this woman?

How do we know she doesn't go
looking for sad old men

that she can marry and turn into
a pair of gloves?

And she's got a kid as well?

Do you really want to get mixed up
with some loose, single mother?

Well, firstly, Beverley is a
human rights lawyer.

And secondly, you do have a slightly
annoying habit of ruining shit.

God, I'm so offended.

Basically, Beverley's the first good
thing to happen to me

since Mad Cow Disease ended and
I was able to eat red meat again.

I didn't want anything,
or anyone, harpooning it.

Lily, right? I'm Dan.

Gregg's my dad.

So I guess he's your dad now too.

I guess so.

Well, I just wanted say that I'm
really excited about

getting to do all the cool
big bro stuff.

Like giving advice,
recommending music,

hooking you up with the old...

Also, I wanted to give you this.

I got it for my dad,
but I think you should have it.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

'Happy birthday, Dad. I hope
you have a...'

'Fuck. Shit. Oh, shit!'

Enjoy.

Hi, Beverley.

Hey, I'm Hannah, Gregg's daughter.

Oh, yes. Hi, nice to
finally meet you.

Listen, I don't know what my dad
has said about me to you,

but I just wanted to say
that I'm really happy for you guys.

Thanks, Hannah.

And, sorry about all this
secrecy, but your dad insisted.

He can be pretty stubborn.

Oh, yeah. He's just a dick sometimes.

Look at us connecting like this.
God, it's exhilarating, isn't it?

Hey, what do you say we try and kick
this bonding sesh into overdrive?

I'm going to go grab us
a plate of cocktail sausages

and you're telling me everything.

Daddio! Great news!

You made any plans for the
stag do yet?

I could score us
a Groupon to Euro Disney.

- Thanks, son, but we haven't
even set a date yet. - Really?

Yeah, well, Beverley's got
a fuckload of cases,

and I am swimming through
a sewer of work shit.

I tell you, running your own
company's like being shafted

with a dildo made of migraines.

God, I'm not looking forward to
that when I take over.

What are you talking about?

You know, when you...

(die...)

and I inherit the company.
I mean, it is a family business.

It's not a family business.
It's my business.

You're not taking over shit.

But I assumed I'd get it eventually.

You're the Queen,
I'm Prince Charles -

hanging back, growing veg,
waiting for you to pop it.

Dan, do you even know
what my company does?

Yeah, you make phone boxes.

- I develop property.
- Really?

Look, Dan, no offence,
but I'm more likely to hand off

my company to one of my
Boxing Day dumps.

Dad, that's not fair!

Come on, I'm your son.

Shouldn't I at least get a chance
to, like, prove myself?

All right, how about this?

Come and work with me for
a week, and we'll see

if my company's still
standing at the end of that.

Right, and then I get to run it?

Absolutely not. But maybe
I can find a job for you somewhere.

- Sweet.
- You've got to take this seriously.

I want you in the office
first thing Monday.

Sure thing.

And just to check, there's
absolutely no chance

that first thing means
12.30, one-ish, is there?

So right now, we're defending this
Congolese drum band who have

been jailed for their
anti-government songs.

I mean, the music's unlistenable
but the message is so powerful.

Wow. Of all the women my
dad's gone out with,

you are definitely the
most impressive.

I mean, his last girlfriend worked
the night shift at a 24-hour tanning salon.

Well, I love what I do. Although it
can be tough juggling things.

Like, Lily's nanny's off next week.
I still haven't found any cover and I've got a...

Uh, yes, you have, because you're
looking at your cover right now.

Just call me the human tarpaulin.

Really? I can't ask you to do that.

Beverley, I insist.

I mean, that's what
family's for, right?

Oh, thank you. You are a life-saver!

All right, Beverley,
I see you've met Hannah.

She hasn't drawn blood yet, has she?

No, we've had a lovely
chat, actually.

She's offered to help look
after Lily next week.

- Why? What are you up to, Hannah?
- Nothing.

I'm just being the nice,
generous person I always am.

You know, the kind of person who
doesn't ruin shit.

Beverley, I know we just met but is
it cool if I start calling you Mum?

Sorry I'm late, Dad. I had to
stop off and buy this briefcase.

Well, you're here now.

I guess that's a minor
victory in itself.

So what's the deal?

Are we sharing this office or
am I going to get my own?

Because I'm cool with sharing.

You're not getting a fucking office.

I thought I might send you out with
the construction lads.

What? But I thought you were
grooming me to take over?

Dan, when I started this company,
I was the same age that you are now.

And I did it myself,

through hard graft
and fistfuls of anti-depressants.

The whole point of this week
is for you to prove that

you've an ounce of
work ethic about you.

Trust me. You can't just sit around

and expect good things to
be handed to you.

Here's the hot cocoa you asked for.

- Hi, Hannah.
- Sorry I'm late.

I didn't want to have to make small
talk with the other parents, you know?

- How was school?
- It was good. Did you bring any snacks?

My nanny normally brings
a bag of carrot sticks.

Carrot sticks? That's not a snack.

You're an eight-year-old,
not a seaside donkey.

Lily, you forgot your coat.

Thank you, Mr Foley.

You're just lucky it's not my size,

otherwise I would have kept
it for myself.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Who was that?
- That's my teacher, Mr Foley.

He's cute. You're lucky.
My Year 4 teacher was Mrs Drury.

She was like 85 and kept shooting up
in class because she was diabetic.

Which reminds me,
let's go get you some sugar!

Hannah, I'm stuck with some
of my maths homework. Can you help?

Yeah, sure thing.

Oh, these are all really easy.

Isn't that cheating?

OK, Lily, I'm going to teach
you a proper lesson.

Why do you think people cheat?

Um... because they're bad?

Wrong. Because it's easy and
it works.

Trust me, I'd rather be
Lance Armstrong than some random loser in a hi-vis jacket.

OK.

Done! See, we've got
the whole evening just to have fun.

- How about we make Rice Krispie squares?
- Yes, please.

OK. So the baking tray is
just under the sink.

It's just next to the bleach.

Hey, feet off furniture.

I'm trying to sell this place.

Dad, it's not my fault I'm bored.
You won't let me do anything.

That's because you've fucked up
every job I've given you so far.

You broke eight mugs doing
the washing up in the office.

The soap in there is very watery.

Well, look, I've got four people
coming to view this house today.

I'd quite like to shift it.

Maybe you should just go home.

No, Dad. You asked me to prove
myself to you

and I am not giving up until I do.

I haven't even got to
use my briefcase yet.

What have you even got in there?

Yesterday's paper, Mr Potato Head
and three bags of Haribo.

Lily said you wanted to talk to me?

Yes, I just wanted a quick chat.
In private, actually.

Lily, why don't you go
wait in the reading corner?

What's up?

It's about Lily's homework.

I asked the kids to write
a paragraph on the pyramids,

but Lily handed in a
30-page Word document?

What can I say,
she's a thorough student.

It was the full Wikipedia
article on Ancient Egypt.

And, you know, this has been going
on all week. And I just thought,

maybe you and I could get together,
have a chat.

Seeing as you're Lily's nanny and...

Whoa. OK, OK.
Firstly, I am not a nanny, OK?

And secondly, who gives a shit?

Sorry?

Come on, she's eight. She doesn't
need to know about the pyramids.

And I don't need to get lectured

by some jumped-up
primary school teacher.

Why don't you go and take one of your
bloody 3,000 holiday weeks and chill out?

Oh, wow. That really didn't go how
I'd planned it in my head.

What do you mean?

Well, I don't really care that
much about the homework, either.

- What?
- It's like you said, they're eight.

As long as they know not to lick
plug sockets, I've done my job.

Why did you ask to see me, then?

I don't know. I was going to maybe
try and ask for your number.

Oh, really?

Well, you could have just asked,
instead of going around the houses.

Sorry. Sometimes I just get a bit
flustered around pretty girls

and, you know,
end up doing stupid stuff.

Well, judging by how dumb that was,

you must think I'm the
hottest girl in the world.

Oh...

Give me a call sometime.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh. Uh.

I, uh, I meant Lily.

Oh, shit, Lily.

Come on. Come on, Lils.

- Bloody kids, eh?
- Oh.

- Bye, Mr Foley.
- Yes, good to see...

All the windows are double-glazed.

A marching band could be getting
pecked to death by a flock of geese

and you wouldn't hear a peep.

What?

I'm so sorry, I'm going to have
to take this.

Check out those curtains.
20% real silk.

You guys should go for this place.

Excuse me?

I was just saying, I think this
place would be a great fit for you two.

I mean, it's got everything -
brand-new kitchen, awesome shower.

Plus, you could do anything
with that spare room.

Home office, guest room, ball pit.

And, you know, this is a great area
to start a family.

I mean, I assume
you're both fertile.

Also, I heard that Gwyneth Paltrow
used to live here.

Sorry about that, folks.
Everything all right?

Um, good.

I think we're maybe going to
make an offer.

Well, that's fucking brilliant news.

Yeah, your son pushed us
over the edge.

- Let's just check out
the spare room again. - Yeah.

What the hell did you do?

Nothing, I just chatted to them. I
guess they liked what I had to say.

Nice one.

And if they start asking about
Gwyneth Paltrow, just play along.

Hannah, I'm sorry I'm so late,
I got held up at the office.

That's OK. Lily's
actually having a nap.

I let her paint my nails and I think
the paint fumes made her a bit drowsy.

OK, well, I'll go grab her and we'll
get out of your hair.

Oh, but first, I do have one
slightly big favour to ask.

You're not going to ask for
a kidney, are you?

That's why you're marrying my dad,
isn't it? I fucking knew it.

No, it's Lily.

She's meant to be having
a sleepover this Friday

and now I think I'm going to have to
pull an all-nighter that evening,

and I just wondered if maybe...

you might fill in?

Chaperone a sleepover?

I don't know, Bev, I mean,
I agreed to baby-sit - for free,

bear in mind -
but that does seem like a bit much.

- No, that's all right.
Maybe Gregg was right. - Right about what?

Oh, no. He just said that you're
only helping out

whilst it suited you and
that you'd get bored. - Mm-hm.

He said that? Well, you know what?
I will chaperone that sleepover.

- You will?
- Yeah. And you can tell my dad he's a dickwad

and he doesn't know me
as well as he thinks he does. - OK.

Although he did predict that's
exactly how you'd react.

He even wrote it down.

Wow, that is verbatim.

He even got dickwad.

There you go, son. You've earned it.

Cheers, Dad.

And you know, for the sales
commission I was thinking 25%,

but I'm happy to negotiate.

Yeah, all right, calm down.
You've had one good day.

But maybe I was a bit quick calling
you utterly fucking useless.

Thanks, Dad. So you're going to let
me take over the company?

No chance.
But, I was thinking,

I'm meant to be taking one of my big
timber suppliers, Mr Yakamoto,

out on one of those
corporate golf days.

OK, sounds fun.

Well, it would be if he wasn't such
a fucking supreme bellend.

- But I thought you might like
to come with. - Really?

You can be like my
social Teflon vest -

save me from all the bullets of
crap he shoots out.

Dad, I would love that more than
anything in the world.

I feel like we should hug.

No, no, no. We don't need to hug.

Look at us hugging, like a couple
of real businessmen.

Whoa, careful.

Sorry. Just playing 18 rounds of
golf today with Dad and a business associate.

Seriously?

I don't mean to brag

but I think I might have taken your
place as kid number one.

You know I sold a house, right?

That is so unfair.

You and Dad get to go and play golf,
and I have to stay in

and look after a bunch of dumb kids.
What is this, the '50s?

What are you talking about?

Lily and her friends are having a
sleepover and I agreed to chaperone.

Why?

Because I'm a fucking idiot, and
I wanted to prove to Dad I'm not a

social wrecking ball, but this whole
thing's just turned into a drag.

I'll be honest, normally when I do
things out of spite

it's a lot more fun than this.

Well, I'm sure Dad
will really appreciate it.

And I say that as both his colleague
and his favourite child.

I hope you get hit in the head
with a four iron.

Sorry I'm late, Dad!

I had to stop off and
buy this visor.

Nah, you're all right.
We're still waiting to tee off.

These twats are fucking
taking the piss.

Oi, Tiger Woods!

Stop fiddling with your fanny
and get on with it. Wankers.

Dan, this is my timber supplier,
Mr Yakamoto.

Please, Mr Yakamoto is
my dad's name.

You can call me Clive.

Oi!

(That's Mr Yakamoto? Why is he...?)

- Oh, don't ask.
- Move yourself!

Today's all about smiling
and keeping this prick happy.

Think of it as like a
colonoscopy - it's going to feel

a bit dirty while it's happening,
but in the long run it's worth it.

'Ave it!

And as the rain fell,
the car finally stopped to help,

and she climbed inside.

But this was no friendly stranger,

this was the Zodiac Killer!

Hannah, your ghost stories
are too scary.

Well, technically it's not
a ghost story.

The Zodiac Killer was a real guy.

Fun fact - he never even got caught.

Can we please do something else?

Oh, fine.

How about a pillow fight?

I don't think we should.
Amelia has asthma.

Come on, sleepovers are
supposed to be wild.

The craziest thing we've done
so far is eat unwashed fruit.

You didn't wash the fruit?

Hello?

Hey, Hannah, it's Axel.

Who?

Mr Foley. Lily's teacher.

Oh, hey! Wait, your
name's Axel Foley?

Yeah, I was conceived the night my
parents saw Beverly Hills Cop II.

Anyway, I was just calling to see
if maybe you wanted to hang out?

Ah, I would be up for that but I'm
actually kind of busy tonight.

Hannah, Hannah, Amelia has
something stuck in her nose

and she needs you to pick it out.

On second thoughts, do you want to
maybe swing by my place?

I'm sure I can shift
a few things around.

Oi, if this goes in the bunker,

I get to shove my club
right up your arse!

Ha! Is that a promise?

Yeah?

What, now?

No, no, no. I'll be right there.

Clive, I'm afraid we're going to
have to call it a day.

Got these squatters that are finally
getting what's been coming to them.

I need to get over there ASAP.

You're fucking kidding?

You can't get my juices going
and then piss off in the middle.

You're me business mate,
not me missus.

Dad, you go and I'll stay
here with Mr Yakamoto.

Wicked. Fucking problem solved.

Dan, quick word.

Don't worry, Dad. I've got this.

Me and him get on great.

I mean, he's an awful person
but I don't mind.

OK, look. Here's the company credit
card, all right? Finish this round,

then go up to the clubhouse, buy him
drink, food, whatever.

He'll tire himself out, then
pop him in the back of a cab.

Right, Dan? I'm trusting you

I'll make you proud.

- Maybe we should hug again.
- Yeah, get to fuck.

How come we have to go to bed now?

We haven't even had dinner yet.

It's a sleepover.
Sleeping's the most fun part.

Listen, I'll bring you all some
pizza in a little bit.

We can't have pizza,
Amelia's allergic to gluten.

Seriously, you need to just cut her
out of your friendship group.

Hannah! You're making
the sleepover rubbish.

OK, I've got an idea.
How about we play a game?

Yeah!

Yeah? It's called Gas Leak.

- Do you want to play that?
- Yeah.

OK. All you have to do is lie down
and be quiet for as long as possible.

And whoever lasts the longest wins
a super-secret special prize.

OK, go.

No cheating.

- Hi.
- Hi. - Come in.

Welcome to my abode.

Wow, this is a nice place.

What's with all the shoes?

Oh, those?

I make and sell children's shoes.

It's more of a hobby
than anything, really.

- Thank you. Shall we?
- Yeah.

So, I wake up, I'm still off
me nut, I look to the left.

I'm only fucking
handcuffed to the rabbi!

That's brilliant!

Oi, darling,

let me have two more of these and
another plate of the calamari. You want anything, Dan?

No, I'm stuffed.
I barely finished my third steak.

- Could we get the bill, please?
- Yeah.

Want a snifter?

Nah, I'm good.

So, Clive, can I ask you a question?

Why is your surname Yakamoto?

Oh, I was adopted by a couple
of Japs, basically.

Fucking love 'em to bits.

Every single day, all I try and do
is respect my father's honour.

I've got the same thing with my dad.

I'm trying to convince him
I could run the company one day.

You know what we should do for
dessert? We should get some girls.

Girls?

You know, like escorts.

Couple of businessmen,
away from their families.

Let's get into some trouble.

Oh, maybe.

Or we could just...

not?

Come on, geez, you're meant to be
showing me a good time.

Don't slam the handbrake on now.

Mm?

So being a primary school
teacher must be a pretty sweet gig?

You get to mould young people's
minds and you clock off at 3.15.

Yeah. Although it is sort of
a stopgap for me.

I actually kind of want to
be a novelist.

A novelist? Like James Franco?

Yeah. I mean, I haven't
written anything yet.

Right now, I'm sort of just
waiting for inspiration, you know?

A road trip through Europe,
a family tragedy...

...a love affair with a hot girl.

Well, maybe we can figure out
a chapter or two tonight.

Uh, did you hear that noise?

Oh, it must just be a house noise.
You know, old pipes or something.

Uh.

I'll go check it out.

Sit tight.

Guys, what happened?

I guess none of you won that
super-secret special prize.

Hannah, we're starving!

Look, just sit tight for just
a couple more hours,

and then we can all have
a yummy midnight snack.

No! Let us go or I'm going to tell
my mum that you locked us up and starved us.

Uh, OK, fine, let's go.

God, kids today are all so spoilt
they can't go one night without dinner.

Glad you're back.

Oh, my God.

- (Mr Foley.
- Did you see that?)

OK, come on.

Wha...?

That really didn't go how
I planned it in my head.

This'll do.

I'm cold. Are you guys cold?

Maybe we should head back inside.

Just relax, Dan. No-one can see us.

Still, I think the club might have
some pretty strict rules

on being on the course after hours.

And, you know, sex workers.

Don't worry, we're just going to
hop down into that bunker, nice and quick.

It'll be like doing
it on a tiny beach!

All right, son? How's it all going?

Oh, great. Yeah, just keeping
Mr Yakamoto happy, like you said.

Oh, brilliant.

And you know, well done for today.

You stepped up and you did
a good job.

I'm... proud of you.

- Thanks, Dad. That means a lot.
- Oi, what you doing?

But, also, I have to go.

Mr Yakamoto, there's someone coming!

- Drive, Dan! Drive.
- I'm trying, it won't start.

Come on, I've got 10 grams
of coke on me.

I cannot get pinched for this.
That'd be fucking most dishonourable.

I've got to get out of here!

Mr Yakamoto! Mr Yakamoto!

What about your father's honour!

You spent ?600 on dinner,
?3,000 on a prostitute,

now Mr Yakamoto -
my biggest timber supplier -

is missing, presumed dead.

In my defence, he was having a
great night, right until the end.

From now on, I want you as far
away from my business as possible.

It's the sun, you are Pluto.

So far away you're not even
a fucking planet any more!

Oh, looks like I'm
the favourite kid again.

- I don't know what the fuck
you're grinning about. - What do you mean?

Thanks to you,
Beverley is furious with me

and I've had to explain to
a bunch of very upset parents

why their daughters all saw
their teacher's erect fucking cock!

You didn't tell me it was erect.

- Oh, yeah, it was fucking crazy.
I was like... - Shut the fuck up!

Now, I don't want to see either of
you for at least six months.

Is that fucking clear?

I reckon I'm still his favourite.

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