All language subtitles for Shadowlands.1993.1080p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM]

Amen.

Amen.

How'd it go, Tom?

Thrashed them.
Led all the way.

Thank you, Perkins.

The new ones are trouble this evening,
Christopher.

Any news of Julian?
I suppose he's all right, is he?

Julian, yes, he's fine.

I think he went down to London.

I ordered the '45.

Jack. Jack,
I don't seem to...

Jack, what a surprise.

What do you mean surprise?

Not out plying your trade?

Doesn't suit you,
Desmond.

What trade is that, Christopher?

I see you as a species of medieval peddler
selling relics of the saints

of dubious authenticity.

Fair play, Christopher. Jack's no Roman.
I can vouch for that.

I speak metaphorically, Harry.
Jack's trade is the manufacture

and supply of easy answers
to difficult questions.

What's he say?

He says Jack has...

-Rupert, I wonder if I could...
-Warnie...

I've been meaning to ask you
about your brother's books.

Does he actually know any children?

Children? Jack?
I don't think so.

How on earth does he pull it off?

Barker, this isn't
the Chambertin '45.

To the best of my belief, it is, sir.

-Just one moment, sir.
-No, Nick.

No, you do not agree with Marcus.
You disagree with Marcus.

But Marcus says he agrees with me...

Marcus has no real grasp of his own
thought processes.

Also, he tells the most terrible lies.

I'm intrigued, Jack. Apparently,

you don't know any actual children.

That's balderdash.

I'm sure Rupert can spare
one or two of his brood.

Jack, you forgot my wine.

It's there.

Thank you, barker.

I don't see why...

Who says I don't know any children?

-Who?
-Warnie.

My brother was a child once, Rupert.

And, as unlikely as
it may seem, so was I.

It's Thursday tomorrow, Jack.

The week's almost gone and I haven't
done half my letters.

You don't have to write back...

Don't have to write back, I know.

It only encourages them.

Yes, yes, yes.

"Mr. C.S. Lewis
thanks you for your letter,

"but has nothing
whatsoever to say in reply."

It's going to be
quite a frost tonight, Warnie.

Too many stars.
Confuses me.

Nightcap?

I don't think so.

Now, now...

London tomorrow.

Who are you lecturing,
disabled veterans?

Church widows?

Association of
Christian teachers.

'Night, Jack.

'Night, Warnie.

A garden, enclosed by a high wall.
Inside the garden, a fountain.

In the fountain,
two crystal stones.

In the crystals,
in reflection, a rose garden.

In the midst of the roses,
one perfect rosebud.

Guillaume de lorris is using the
rosebud, of course, as an image.

But an image of what?

Love?

What kind of love?

Untouched?
Unopened like a bud?

Yes, more.

Perfect love?

What makes it perfect?
Come on. Wake up.

Is it the courtly ideal of love?

What is that? What is its
one essential quality?

Unattainability.

The most intense joy lies not
in the having but in the desiring.

The delight that never fades...

The bliss that is eternal is only
yours when what you most desire

is just out of reach.

What was that, Mr. Whistler?

Nothing, Mr. Lewis.

If you disagree with me, say so.

Fight me. I can take it.

Even I can't fight on both
sides at once, you know.

At least I can, but I'm liable to win.

Why is the beer in
this pub always cold?

Now, Mr. Egan.

Cold beer.

Chills the stomach.
Has no taste.

I have a complaint
about the wardrobe.

Complaint?
Our children love it.

I will not have
another blasted conversation

about Jack's blasted nursery.

No. No, listen, listen.

In the book, you describe the house

as belonging to an old professor

who has no wife, and yet...

You say that when the little girl
enters the magic wardrobe

she finds it full of fur coats.

Very good, Eddie.

Not bad.

It's simple. They belong to
the professor's old mother.

Simple.

So to reach the
magic world

the child must push through
the "mother's fur"?

No. I won't have that,
John. That's none of

your hand-me-down freudianism...

But the imagery is Christian, surely?

No, Harry, it's what it is.
It's just itself.

It's... it's just magic.

Magic. Look.

Let me show you. The child
steps into the wardrobe.

The coats are thick and heavy.

What about the fur?

Fur's not important, John.

The child must push through.

They're pressing close,
almost suffocating

and suddenly, there's white
light. Crisp, cold air.

Trees. Snow.

Total contrast, you see.

It's the gateway to a magical world.

What time is it?

Good Lord, my train.

Anyway. Well...

See you all tomorrow. Bye.

Bye.

Cheerio, Jack. See you then.

Goodbye, Mr. Lewis.

Yesterday, I received a letter

that referred to an
event that took place

almost a year ago now.
December 4, 1951.

My correspondent hadn't forgotten.
I doubt if any of us have.

That was the night

a number one bus
drove into a column

of young royal marine cadets

in Chatham and killed 24 of them.

You remember?

And the letter asks some simple
but fundamental questions.

Where was God
on that December night?

Why didn't he stop it?

Isn't God supposed to be good?

Isn't he supposed to love us?

And does God want us to suffer?

What if the answer
to that question is yes?

'Cause I'm not sure that God
particularly wants us to be happy.

I think he wants us to be
able to love and be loved.

He wants us to grow up.

I suggest to you that it is
because God loves us

that he makes us
the gift of suffering.

To put it another way,

pain is God's megaphone
to rouse a deaf world.

You see, we are like
blocks of stone

out of which the sculptor carves

the forms of men.

The blows of his chisel,
which hurt us so much

are what make us perfect.

Thank you very much.

A woman has had
a dream about me.

She writes to ask
if I've had a dream about her.

I had a strange dream last night.

Another letter from Mrs. Gresham?

I can't remember any of it.

The Jewish, communist,
Christian American?

You may ask me how I know
it was strange if I've forgotten it.

Can't answer that one.

I like her letters. She can
be quite sharp sometimes.

Listen to this, Warnie.

She says, "I can't decide whether
you'd rather be the child

"caught in the spell or
the magician casting it."

Her letters are rather unusual.

She writes as if she
knows me somehow.

Still, I suppose there is something
of me in my books, isn't there?

I expect it's just the American style.

Americans don't understand
about inhibitions.

She's coming to England.

No, she's coming to Oxford.
She wants to meet us.

Well, she can't come here.

No, of course not,

but she does
suggest tea in a hotel.

Tea is safe.
A hotel is safe.

Though she might be mad.

No, I don't think so.
She does write poems.

Poems?

She'll be barking.

You won't be too agreeable,
will you, Jack?

Don't worry, Warnie. I won't.

She'll turn out to be writing
a dissertation on wardrobes.

She'll ask whether she can come
and watch you while you create.

She'll say, "I'll sit in a corner.
You'll never know I'm there."

It's only tea, Warnie.

An hour or so of polite
conversation, then we go home,

and everything goes on
just the way it always has.

Shall we have some sandwiches?

I wonder if they
do toasted teacakes?

Excuse me, I'm here to meet
Mr. C.S. Lewis, the writer.

Yes, madam.

Well, do you know
what he looks like?

No, madam.

Well, he doesn't know
what I look like, either.

Yes, madam.

Any ideas?

No, madam.

Anybody here called Lewis?

Mrs. Gresham? How do you do?

A pleasure.

This is my brother, Warnie.

Major Lewis.

Now, please, sit down.

So you managed to find us.

Yes, I used the guide,

and so, you see...
It's just that you

don't look at all like C.S.Lewis.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you,

not to mention the rest of Oxford.

Well, so you don't like that?

Well, I'm not what you might call
a public figure, Mrs. Gresham.

Oh, you're not?

I mean, you write all these books,

and you give all those talks,

and everything just so everybody
will leave you alone?

Oh, dear.

We've only just met, and already
you see right through me.

Tell me, do you drink tea?

Tea, sure.

It's England, right?

So it is.

Waiter.

Actually, look, I'm a little in awe
of you, and so I'm a little tense.

And when I get like that,
I get kind of... I don't know.

It's very childish. I'm sure
I'll get over it soon.

Not too soon, I hope, please,

'cause I like a good fight myself.

You do?

Yes.

You sound surprised.

No. No, that's great.
You like a good fight. Great.

But?

When's the last time you lost?

Well, I've been at
Magdalen since 1925.

It's just beautiful here.
How old is it?

The college was founded
very nearly 500 years ago.

Not all the buildings
are that old, of course.

My room is there.
That's the new building.

New, huh?

1733.

What does your husband
do, Mrs. Gresham?

Oh, Bill? Bill's a writer.

And you, too, Jack tells me.

You call him Jack?

I never liked the name Clive.

Well, if you're a Jack...

What?

No, you look fine for a Jack.

Thank you.

Well, Jewish, but not Jewish-Jewish,
if you can follow that.

I mean, I'm a Christian, but I was

brought up to be a good atheist.

An atheist?

Don't sound so shocked.

I'm not. I was an atheist once.

You? So we're both lapsed atheists?

Yes, but I was never a communist.

Why not?

What do you mean,
"why not," Mrs. Gresham?

Well, I mean, back in '38,
it seemed to me

there was only two choices.
Either you were a fascist

and you conquered the world, or you
were a communist and you saved it.

Is that so?

I must have been otherwise
engaged at the time.

There's a world worth saving.

At dawn, on the first
of may every year,

the choristers from
the choir school

stand up here and
sing to the rising sun.

They say they draw
quite a crowd.

What do they sing?

I can't say I've ever risen early
enough to hear them.

Oh, why not? I mean,
it sounds wonderful.

Well, I don't really go in
for seeing the sights.

Oh!

So what do you do? Just walk
around with your eyes shut?

You know, Mrs. Gresham, I almost
don't know what to say to you.

Good Lord!

How long do you plan to stay
in England, Mrs. Gresham?

Till the end of December.

Are you expecting
to be in Oxford again?

Well, I hadn't planned on it.

What do you say, Warnie?

Do you think we could rise
to a pot of home-brewed tea?

Yes, I think we can manage that.

Given adequate
warning, of course.

Do you think
I could bring my son?

Douglas is such a big fan
of your Narnia books.

He'd love to meet you.

Yes, of course.

I'll give you plenty of warning.

It was a pleasure meeting you,
Mr. Lewis. Thanks for everything.

Well, see you soon.

Yes. Major Lewis.

- Mrs. Gresham.
- Safe journey.

- Thank you.
- Goodbye.

Does one wait for
the train to leave?

Character and plot.

Chicken and egg.

Which comes first?

Aristotle's solution
was simple and radical.

He said, "plot is character."

Forget psychology. Forget
the inside of men's heads.

Judge them by their actions.

For example, Mr. Whistler's asleep.

Now, from that action
I take it that

he has no interest
in what I have to say.

The puzzle is, that being the
case, why is he here at all?

So we construct a plot
from Mr. Whistler's actions.

He comes. He sleeps.

Now, Aristotle would say that
the next question is not "why?"

But, "what is Mr. Whistler
going to do next?"

Good morning, Mr. Whistler.

You know, my class
is not compulsory,

neither are my chairs very
comfortable. I suggest that...

All right, I'm going.

Thank you.

He comes. He sleeps. He goes.
So the plot thickens.

It's all right, Warnie. She sails
back to New York after Christmas.

One can always be so much more
friendly to people who can't stay long.

I wonder what her
husband thinks of

her gallivanting
around England like this.

It's not the Middle Ages, Warnie.

She'll make you listen to one of
her poems. I'll bet you 10 bob.

Then she'll say to you,
"how do you like it, Mr. Lewis?"

And you'll be stumped.

Then I shall say, "Mrs. Gresham,

"only you could have written that."

Blast.

That'll be �1.09, madam.

Keep the change.

Hello, you must be Douglas.

Are you him?

No, I'm his brother.

So you found us, Mrs. Gresham?

Well, the driver did.

Come in.

There we go.

There we are.

That's him.

Do go in.

Here you are then.

- Hello.
- All right. Good.

Hello, sorry, my hands are...

We really appreciate this, Mr. Lewis.

You've no idea how Douglas
was looking forward to today.

So you're Douglas.

Will he write in my book?

Ask him.

I told him you would write in his
Narnia book. Do you mind?

No, of course not.

Yes.

"To Douglas," yes?

Douglas, yes.

Ask him about the attic.

Oh! He wants to know if you have
an attic. You can ask him these things.

We do.

Here you are.

What does it say, honey?

"The magic never ends."

Well, if it does, sue him.

Thank you, Mrs. Young.
Thank you.

I'd sure like to see the attic.

Then you shall.

Come along, young man.
Let's go find it.

Thank you, Major Lewis.

Oh! Jack was particularly hoping
that you'd introduce him to your poetry.

Now, we've got to find
the key. Mrs. Young...

Don't worry, I don't inflict my
poems on innocent strangers.

Not strangers, I hope.

What about some of that
long promised tea?

Yes, please.

You take milk, don't you?

Yes.

No, I'd be interested
to know about your poems.

What do you want
to know about them?

How long they are?

Their rhyme schemes?
Their major influences?

Quite right, of course.
You take sugar?

Sure.

No, you're quite right.

Well, would you be so kind
as to introduce me

to the poems themselves?

Well, I'm not sure.

I won't be rude about them.

What will you do?
Stay silent or tell lies?

No, I shall choose
when I've heard one.

All right.

You know, I have won
a national poetry award

shared with Robert Frost.

I'm impressed.

Well, let's hope
you stay that way.

Uh... let's get this
out of the way.

I'll give you an early one.
That way I'm covered.

I wrote this when I was 22,
Spanish civil war.

It's called Snow in Madrid.

"Softly, so casual

"lovely, so light, so light

"the cruel sky lets fall
something one does not fight

"men while perishing..."

Sorry.

"Men before perishing see with
unwounded eye, for once

"a gentle thing fall from the sky."

Embarrassed, huh?

No, I'm touched.

- Touched?
- Yes.

Touched? That's good.
That's about its level.

So you may ask,
when was I ever

in Madrid?
The answer is, never.

Well, personal experience
isn't everything.

I disagree. I think personal
experience is everything.

So reading is a waste of time?

No, it's not a waste of time,
but reading is safe, isn't it?

Books aren't about to hurt you.

Why should one
want to be hurt?

That's when we learn.

Well, just because
something hurts, it doesn't

make it more true
or more significant.

No, I guess not.

I'm not saying that pain is
purposeless or even neutral,

but to find meaning in pain,
there has to be something else.

Pain is a tool.

If you like, pain is
God's megaphone...

Megaphone to
rouse a deaf world.

How embarrassing.

You know my writing
too well, don't you?

I have read most of it.

I guess I knew you
pretty well before we met.

But you'd not had
the personal experience.

Mr. Lewis, I...

I have to stop calling you Mr. Lewis.
It makes me feel like a kid.

Can I call you Jack?

Yes, of course.

Jack, I'm Joy.

Well, hello, Joy.

So, Jack...

Have you ever
been really hurt?

You don't give up,
do you?

Here we are. Mind how you go.
Let's turn a light on.

Does anybody ever
come up here?

Not anymore.

Yes, of course, come in.

Right, here we are. That's
Warnie's desk. This is mine.

It's not very orderly
in here, I'm afraid.

Well, you keep order
in your mind, right?

Yes.

Oh, that's nice.

Is it someplace real?

I think so.

It's called the Golden
Valley, I believe.

Somewhere in Herefordshire.

Somewhere special?

In a way.

It was on our nursery
wall when I was a child.

I didn't know it
was a real place then.

I thought it was
a view of heaven.

The promised land.

Yes, I used to think
that one day

I'd come round
a bend in the road

or over the brow of a hill,

and there it would be.

I have been
really hurt, you know?

First time is always the worst.

That was when my mother died.

How old were you?

Nine.

That's old enough to hurt.

Oh, yes.

It was the end of my world.

I remember my father in tears.

Voices all over the house.

Doors shutting and opening.

It was a big house,
all long empty corridors.

I remember I had
a toothache, and I

wanted my mother to come to me.

I cried for her to come,
but she didn't come.

And after death...

Did you believe
you'd meet her again?

No.

I don't think I had any faith in
anything when I was a child.

She was gone. That was all.

And still you listen for the
footsteps coming down the corridors,

but they don't come.

Yes.

You should see the garden
before it gets dark.

Yes, I'd like that.

You'll need a coat.

I have one right here.

There's a lake, mum,
a wood with a lake.

Oh, good.

It's really a flooded Clay-pit...

Come and see, mum.

- ...for the old brick works.
- He's all yours now.

Be careful, Douglas.
Douglas.

Sun's well over the yardarm.

- Does he miss home?
- Oh, sure.

I mean, he'd like to be
home for Christmas,

but, well, it just hasn't
worked out that way.

What are you
doing for Christmas?

Some lucky English
hotel, I expect.

So your husband will have
to look after himself. Is that it?

Yes, he's pretty good at that.

The lake is much older than
the house, of course.

They say Shelley used
to sail paper boats here.

All made out of early drafts
of his poems, no doubt.

I don't like to think of you
Christmassing in a hotel.

Why don't you come here?
You're very welcome.

Oh, no.

You don't want a couple of Yankees
rampaging all over your house.

Well, I'd speak to Warnie,
of course, but...

Why don't we go inside?

Speaking for myself,
I'd welcome the company.

Somehow, Christmas makes more
sense when there are children around.

I suppose we
ought to get a tree.

What I really resent is the
presumption of good will.

I feel no good will towards my
fellow man, whatever. I feel ill will.

It'll be different this year, of course.
More cheerful, I've no doubt.

What's that, Warnie?

A festive season.

I'm afraid Christmas, as I
remember it, is rather a lost cause.

Exactly, it's because
we've lost the magic.

No more blasted magic.

Well, you tell people it's about
taking care of the poor and needy,

and naturally, they don't
even listen, do they?

The poor and needy do
come into it, you know.

No room at the inn, remember?
For mother and child?

Jack's invited them
to stay with us.

Who?

Mother and child.

Mrs. Gresham and her son.
They're spending Christmas with us.

Well, Jack, you have
succeeded in surprising me.

Who is Mrs. Gresham?

Well, she's just a friend.
An American.

A writer.

People do have guests for
Christmas, don't they?

Next train arriving
at platform two.

Hello, Jack. Happy Christmas.

Thanks.

Mind your bags please.
Thank you.

Oxford. Oxford Station.

Mind your bags, please.
Thank you.

Oxford.

This is Oxford Station.

The train now standing at
platform three is the 357.

Platform three.

Nice talking to you. Have a good
trip and a merry Christmas.

And the same to you, too.

Bye-bye.

Here, mum. I can do it.

Are you sure it's not too heavy?

Mum, why did those people
sing so loud in the train?

Because it was
Christmas cheer, get it?

Hello.

I didn't know you were...

Look who's here, Douglas.

Did you have a good
journey, Douglas?

Yeah.

Welcome back to Oxford.

Thanks.

We're glad you could come.

Yeah.

It's up this way.

Douglas, here.

And Joy...

You are here.

And bathroom here.

Well, that's that, then.

It's good.

Good.

Good. We'll leave you to settle in.

Great.

Won't you come
with me, Douglas?

What do you think next,
Warnie? A nice cup of tea?

You can't go too far wrong
with a cup of tea.

Joy?

Thank you.

By the way, the college president

is hosting his annual Christmas
party this evening.

And I'm afraid I'm more or less

obliged to put in an appearance.

I don't suppose you'd wish
to come with me, would you?

With Douglas?

Douglas, would you...

Thanks.

You know, Jack, that's all right.

I could use an early night.
You go on without us.

Well, that's a pity. I thought
you'd rather enjoy it.

We could always ask Mrs. Young.
We won't be so very late.

I'll be okay.

No, I'm being thoughtless.
You've only just arrived.

Warnie?

Thank you, Jack.

Do you have your
hot-water bottle?

Here it is with its
very dainty cover.

All right, keep it close to you.

Why do you think
they don't heat the house?

I don't know.

It's such a strange country.

But I think the natives are friendly.

All right.

So you'll finish your chapter
and say your prayers? Okay.

Oh! You have a big, big kiss
on your cheek. Good night.

Good night.

Good evening, Major Lewis.

Good evening, Robert.

Mr. Lewis.

'Evening, Robert.

So?

Good evening.

Come and meet
the college president.

This is the college president.

Where on Earth
did he find her?

She wrote to him.

A pen-pal?

Is this your first trip to
England, Mrs. Gresham?

Yeah, it's my first.

But I was wanting
to come for a long time.

What brings you to
England, Mrs. Gresham?

I'm working on a book, so I was
hoping to find a publisher over here.

Christopher, there you are.

Yes, Jack, here I am.

Please, let me introduce
you to Mrs. Joy Gresham.

Professor Christopher Riley.

Professor Riley.

How do you do?

Pleasure.

What success have you
had with your book?

Well, to be honest,
it's not ready to be seen yet.

You mustn't let that stop
you, Mrs. Gresham.

It doesn't stop, Jack.

I'm sorry?

I am right in assuming you are
from the United States of America?

Yes, I am.

Then perhaps you can satisfy
my curiosity on a related matter.

I had always understood Americans

to be hard-riding, tough-talking,

no-nonsense sort of people.

Yet, Jack tells me his children's
stories sell very well there.

Who can be buying them?

Well, professor Riley, we're
not all cowboys, you know?

Have you read any of Jack's
children's books?

Jack has read
extracts aloud to me.

It is one of his
tests of friendship.

Well, I think
they're rather magical.

Congratulations, Jack.
You seem to have found a soul mate.

I thought you believed that we
didn't have souls, Christopher.

Well, yes, now,
I regard the soul

as an essentially
feminine accessory.

Anima, quite different
from animus, the male variant.

This is how I explain the otherwise

puzzling difference
between the sexes.

Where men have intellect,

women have soul.

As you say, Professor Riley,
I'm from the United States,

and different cultures
have different modes of discourse.

I need a little guidance here.

Are you trying to be offensive or
just merely stupid?

Let me introduce you
to some friends of mine.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Hello.

It stood in our nursery
when we were children.

If you don't need it anymore,
you should throw it away.

Well, I'm not very good at throwing
things away, as you can see.

We don't have an attic at home.

No?

You wish you were
at home, don't you?

We always have a turkey
for Christmas at home.

Well, we'll have Turkey here, too.

With cranberry sauce?

Ah!

My dad loves cranberry sauce.

Does he?

And snow.

Who do you look like most, Douglas,
your mother or your father?

This is my mum, and this is my dad.

But my dad's kind
of noisy, and I'm not.

Noisy, in which way?

Like shouting.

I hate shouting.

And me, too.

I knew it was just an old wardrobe.

Mrs. Young, we wouldn't happen to

have any cranberry
sauce, would we?

- Cranberry sauce?
- Yes.

What's that?

Well, my guess is, it's a sauce
made from Cranberries.

Well, Mr. Lewis,
if you can find me

some Cranberries,
I'll sauce them.

Well, I think Mrs. Young
has done us proud, Warnie.

It's all right, darling.
It's all right.

Happy Christmas.

Happy Christmas.

We ought to raise a glass
to your husband, Joy.

Sure, here's to bill.

To bill.

Bill.

Can we telephone to America?

Yes, I believe so.
Do you want to?

That's all right.
We'll be home before long.

You're very welcome if you want.

I do want.

It's very expensive, Douglas.

Oh, come on. I don't mind.

He's just excited
by the novelty of it.

I am not.
I want to talk to dad.

Well, you can't,
and that's that.

Beastly things, telephones.

Ring, ring, ring.
Stop what you're doing.

Get up. Hurry, hurry.
Ring, ring, ring.

No manners at all, huh?

- All well?
- All well.

Douglas never makes a
fuss about going to bed.

It appears he never makes
a fuss about anything,

except telephones, perhaps.

Right. May I?

Yes, of course.

Warnie's taken
himself off to bed, too.

Sometimes he overdoes it
a little. I expect you noticed.

Yes.

I know the signs.

There are signs, are there?

Poor old Warnie.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Well, you must not think
I'm much of a mother,

not letting her son call
his father on Christmas day.

Oh, that. That's none of my...

It just doesn't...
It's not...

It isn't what it looks
like. That's all.

I see.

And thank you for not asking.

Not asking what?

"What's this woman doing chasing

"all over England
without her husband?"

Oh, that.

I ran away.

It's always a mistake, isn't it?

I mean, you have to face
things in the end.

I left home because Bill fell
in love with another woman.

He takes the romantic view.

If you love someone, you
marry them. I'm number two.

He wants me to give him a divorce
so he can marry number three.

I see.

Bill's an alcoholic.

He's compulsively unfaithful.

And he's sometimes violent, and
I guess I haven't loved him for years.

He's violent?

Only when he's drunk and he
doesn't really know what he's doing.

It's just that he's worn me out.
It's the truth of it.

Joy, look, if there's
anything I can do...

There is.

You'll be my friend.

I hope I'm that already.

In you get, young man.

I'll take that for you, sir.

Well, goodbye, Warnie.
Thanks for putting up with us.

Not at all. We shall miss you.

- Goodbye, Joy.
- Jack.

So, they sail back tomorrow.

Yes.

I'm not sure that God particularly
wants us to be happy.

I think he wants us to be
able to love and be loved.

He wants us to grow up.

We think our childish toys
bring us all the happiness there is

and our nursery is
the whole wide world.

But something...

Something must drive
us out of the nursery

to the world of others,

and that something is suffering.

You miss her, don't you?

Well, things are
quieter now, aren't they?

Yeah.

I'm not much of a talker.

One of your many virtues, Warnie.

Is she coming back?

No, no.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Mr. Lewis.

What's your name?

James, sir.

James.

Would you sign
my book for me, please?

Yes.

Thank you.

Lovely. Thanks so much.

Thank you.

I've always found this
a trying time of the year.

Trying? To do what, Jack?

The leaves not yet out.
Mud everywhere you go.

Frosty mornings gone.

Sunny mornings not yet come.

Give me blizzards and
frozen pipes, but not this,

nothing time.

Not this,

waiting room of the world.

Tell me something, Christopher.
How shall I put this?

Would you say you were content?

I am as I am.
The world is as it is.

My contentment or otherwise
has very little to do with it.

Don't you ever feel
a sense of waste?

Of course.

Good evening.

I hope you don't mind.
May I come in?

Yeah.

I happened to be in
Blackwell's the other day,

and I saw you borrow a book.

Steal. I stole it.

Most of these books are stolen.

Why not? They're written to
be read. At least I read them,

which is more than
most people do.

So you read differently
to the rest of us, do you?

Yes, I do.

I read at night so nothing breaks

my concentration.
All night, sometimes.

When I start a new book,
my hands are shaking.

Me eyes are jumping ahead.

Does he feel the way I felt?
Does he see what I've seen?

You know, me father used to say...
He's a teacher like you.

Well, not like you.
He's only a village schoolmaster.

What was it your
father used to say?

"We read to know
we're not alone."

Would it help if I
made you a small loan?

Yes, I expect it would
if I wanted to be helped.

I see. Goodbye.

You see, we are
like blocks of stone,

out of which the sculptor
carves the forms of men.

The blows of his chisel,
which hurt us so much,

are what make us perfect.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Mr. Lewis, what can I say?

Mr. Lewis, I don't
want to bother you.

Congratulations.

Wonderful.

Mr. Lewis, I'm from Ohio.

Ohio? Oh, yes. How nice.

Mr. Lewis, you will
join us, won't you?

Yes.

Do. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Mr. Lewis, you were marvelous.

Thank you.

Hello, Jack.

What are you doing here?

Well,
I came to hear your talk.

Oh, yes, but...

What am I doing in London?

Well, Douglas and I live here now.

Really?

What did I do with Bill?
We're divorced.

But it's going to work out
better for all of us.

Yes. Why didn't you write?

What for? To ask permission?

No, no.

Do you mind?

Me? No, why should I mind?

So it's all all right, then?

Yes, yes.

But, really, I'm very...

Very surprised to
see you, you know?

Well, I wasn't dead.
I was just in America.

Well, of course. Yes.

Yes, but you see, I...

I've been thinking about you.

Yes, I've been thinking about you.

Can I be of any assistance?

No, it's all right.
I'm just talking to my friend.

Yes, I was thinking about you

and, suddenly, there you were.

No, here I am.
It's present tense.

Present and tense.

I'm very sorry,
but the committee

is waiting to entertain Mr. Lewis.

It's all right. I'll be with you
in a moment. Thank you.

So, do let me know
where you are, Joy.

Sure.

Good. Bye.

I do hope I did the right thing.
We're just through here.

So, she's settled here
for good, has she?

For the foreseeable future.

With the boy?

Yes.

Will you be seeing much of her?

Not much, I shouldn't think.

I may look in again
when I'm next in London.

It's very sweet of you to
come and see me again, Jack.

I know how busy you are.

No, not at all.

I look forward to
my outings to London.

Yeah.

You must come and
visit us in Oxford.

Would you like some Sherry?

- Oh, yes.
- I'm having some.

Yes, maybe as soon as
Douglas' school term ends.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

Cheers.

I would like to see Warnie again.

You can just move Douglas'
puzzle out of the way.

All right.

Do remember me to Warnie.

Yes.

Tell him I promise
I won't turn into a nuisance.

Why should you
turn into a nuisance?

Well, Jack, I don't have to explain.

Explain what?

Now, why did you
look at me like that?

Like what?

As if I'm lying to you.

Why should I lie to you?
I mean what I say.

No, I know. It's just that you
don't say it all, do you?

Well, one can't say it all.
It would take too long.

Did you finish your chapter?

Almost.

Not yet.

All right, just a little bit longer.

Just till your hair dries.

Okay. 'Night, Jack.

Good night, Douglas.

Wait, I want a kiss.

Night-night.

- Good night, mum.
- Sweet dreams.

I'm going to check the supper.

What sort of things
do you want me to say?

Well, Jack, I want to remain
friends with you,

so I need to know if there's anything
that makes that hard for you.

I see.

We might as well
know where we are.

You never can really tell what's

going on between people,
can you?

People jump to conclusions.

Sometimes it
makes me quite angry

the way people
aren't allowed to be...

- What?
- You know, just friends.

What, like us, you mean.

Like us.

I don't mean to say that
friendship is a small thing.

As a matter of fact,
I rate it as

one of this life's
most precious gifts.

But?

But it shouldn't be

turned into a watered-down
version of something that it's not.

- Such as?
- Such as...

Well, to give you
an example, romantic love.

That's not to say that
friendship isn't, in its way...

A kind of love.

A kind of love. See?
I knew you'd understand.

I understand more
than that, Jack.

- Could you open this?
- Yeah.

You're a bachelor,
and I'm a divorced woman.

Now, some people

would imagine that you have
romantic intentions towards me.

You have no such intentions.
You want that out in the open

because you care about me,
and you don't want me to be hurt.

Have I understood you correctly?

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

I just said it.
Wasn't so hard, was it?

Well, I'm just not used
to this... Whatever it is.

Naming names, that's all.

Yes.

Now you don't have to be
afraid of me anymore, do you?

Good Lord, I was never
afraid of you. You...

Why are you looking...
I was never afraid of you. Why look?

Jack, I really am

very thankful for everything
you've done for me.

I'm sure there are
far more ways I...

Substantial ways I can be of help
that you're not telling me about.

I don't want to exhaust
your good will.

Well, there's no fear of that.

Well, there is something, which
would help me enormously.

I find it... oh, Jack.
This is very hard for me.

If it's too much for you, you would
just say no, wouldn't you? Just no.

I mean, no guilt,
no evasion, no running away?

Yes, I think I can
just about manage that.

Something I ought
to tell you, Warnie.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

Um...

I've agreed to marry Joy.

You have?

Mmm-hmm.
Seemed the right thing to do.

It did?

Yes, there's nothing
to worry about.

See, what I've agreed to do is
extend my British citizenship to her,

so that she can go
on living in England.

By marrying her?

Yeah, only technically.

You're marrying Joy technically?

A true marriage

is a declaration before God, not
before some government official.

And Joy will keep her own name

and we'll all go on
living exactly as before.

Before you are joined in
matrimony, I have to remind you

of the solemn and
binding character

of the vows you
are about to make.

Now, Mr. Lewis,
if you'll repeat after me.

"I call upon these persons
here present..."

I call upon these
persons here present...

"...to witness that I,
Clive Staples Lewis..."

...to witness that I,
Clive Staples Lewis...

"...do take thee,
Helen Joy Gresham..."

...do take thee,
Helen Joy Gresham...

"...to be my lawful,
wedded wife."

...to be my lawful,
wedded wife.

Joy Gresham,
if you'll repeat after me.

"I call upon these persons
here present..."

I call upon these
persons here present...

"...to witness that I,
Helen Joy Gresham..."

...to witness that I,
Helen Joy Gresham...

"...do take thee,
Clive Staples Lewis..."

...do take thee,
Clive Staples Lewis...

"...to be my lawful,
wedded husband."

...to be my lawful,
wedded husband.

Do we have a ring?

- No.
- No.

No.

- Well, that's that.
- All right, well.

- Good luck.
- Can I buy you both a drink?

Sorry, Joy, I simply have to
catch the 12:22.

Well then, off you go, Jack.

Bye, Warnie.

- Bye, Jack.
- Bye, Joy.

I would be most grateful
for that drink, Joy.

That's awfully
kind of you, Warnie.

I think I saw a pub
just down the road.

Shall we risk it?

All right.

- All right?
- Yeah.

Go.

Here we go.
Yeah, that's it.

Well, that was quite
an unusual experience.

Yes, you must forgive Jack.

Well, I'm getting
to know him a little by now.

I think I understand
him better.

Anyway, I'm very
grateful to him.

Nobody is
to know, he tells me.

Well, actually
what he said was,

"it will be as if
it never happened."

A great mistake, Jack.
You'll live to regret it.

Regret what, Chris?

Staying in this godforsaken
place all summer.

The day after encaenia,
I'm off.

Where, Chris?

Tuscany, where else?

Where else, indeed. Could I
have some cheese, Jeremy?

We're going to
the Loire, camping.

Camping?

I think I'll bring
a guest this year.

Do, by all means.

When Laura was alive,

we once took the
grandchildren camping.

Bring a guest, Jack?

Yes, encaenia.

Take my tip, Rupert. Sleep
outside the tent, and smoke a cigar.

- Whatever for?
- Mosquitoes.

You've met her, Joy Gresham.

Yes. Yes, quite.

Not the American?

Yes, the American.

Is she back in Oxford?

Thank you.

No, no.
No, she's in London.

She wants to see
the pageant of learning.

I feel distinctly
underdressed.

This is just a sort
of uniform really.

This is Jack's party frock.

Jack, come here. Come here.

What?

Just a little something...

What is that? What is it?

Yeah, I got it. It's fine.

If you feel like a stroll...

Are these two places free?

Yes, please do.

Claude, let me
give you a hand.

Here we go.

She's living in London now?

Yes.

With her husband?

No, they're divorced.

Why did I have a feeling
you were going to say that?

- Hello, Warnie.
- Hello.

Are you all right?

I'm just a little exhausted.
Would it be all right if we sat down?

Yes. You haven't seen my
rooms yet. Let me show you.

You tired?

Would you like coffee?

- Yes.
- Nescafe?

Sure.

There, that's better.
Much better.

You should change those shoes.

I don't want to talk about that.

I'm not going to
stay long, either.

For all I know, I'm not even
allowed to be here.

Female guests are permitted

between 10:00 A.M.
and 8:00 P.M.

We're legal.

Jack, don't you sometimes
just bust to share the joke?

What joke?

Here's your friends,
thinking we're unmarried

and up to all
sorts of wickedness.

When all along we're married
and up to nothing at all.

Which friends?

God, you really can be
hard work sometimes.

So, what do you do here?
Think great thoughts?

Teach, mainly.

What do they do?

Sit at your feet and
gaze up at you in awe?

No, not at all.

I bet they do.

We have some fine old battles
in here, I can tell you that.

Which you win.

It must be quite
a boost for you,

being older and wiser
than all of them.

Not to mention your readers.

What?

Your readers and that
gang of friends of yours.

All very well-trained
not to play out of bounds.

What are you talking about?

Of course, there's Warnie.

Not much competition there.

That's nonsense.

And what about
Christopher Riley?

He never lets me get away
with anything, you know that.

Except doubt and fear
and pain and terror.

Where does
all that come from?

I don't know, I've
only now just seen it,

how you've arranged a life for
yourself where no one can touch you.

Everyone that's close to you
is either younger than you,

or weaker than you
or under your control.

Why...

Why are you getting at me?
I thought... I thought we were friends.

I don't know that we are friends...

Not the way you
have friends, anyway.

Sorry, Jack.

I don't understand.

No, I think you do.

You just don't
like it, nor do I.

Whistler.

- Three?
- Yeah.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Go? Go where?

London.

But, why? Is it money?

Not really.

One more year,
and you'd have your degree.

Yeah, then what?
Teach like you?

I wonder what it is
everyone wants from me.

You know, that's the first
question I've ever heard you ask

that sounds like
you don't know the answer.

Is that good?
Is that what you want?

Ignorance? Confusion?

Look, I just don't
think I see my way

ahead quite as
clearly as you do.

Shadows.

What?

It's one of my stories.

"We live in the Shadowlands.

"The sun is always
shining somewhere else.

"Round a bend in the road.
Over the brow of a hill."

Hello, a London number, please.

Yesterday, a friend of
mine, a very brave,

good woman,

collapsed in terrible pain.
One minute, she was fit and well,

the next minute,
she was in agony.

She is now in hospital,
and this morning

I was told she's
suffering from cancer.

Why?

See, if you love someone,
you don't want them to suffer.

You can't bear it.

You want to take their
suffering onto yourself.

Even I feel like that.

Why doesn't God?

How is she?

Not good.

I'm so sorry, Jack.

I just want her to be
well again, you see.

Of course you do.
We all do.

What a dangerous world
we live in, Warnie.

You've been up all night.
Why don't you get some sleep?

No, I can't sleep.

It's all too soon, you see.
I just haven't had time, that's all.

Time for what?

I don't know.

To talk, say things.

It doesn't take long.

No, I suppose not.

Whatever it is,
I should just say it.

Yes, you must be right, Warnie,
but it is difficult, you see.

Yes, I do see that.

Mr. Lewis.

Dr. Craig, this is
my brother, Warnie.

How do you do?
Your wife.

How is she?
Any change?

We've made her
as comfortable as we can,

otherwise, there's nothing
further to report.

How much has
she been told?

She's been told that the cancer
has eaten away her left femur.

Oh, no.

She knows it's serious.

The thigh bone snapped
like a frozen twig.

I see.

Can anything be done?

She's dying, Warnie.

That's putting it more starkly
than I would choose, Mr. Lewis.

No, but it's true,
isn't it?

The cancer is very advanced.

Joy?

Jack?

Don't talk if it hurts.

Where's Douglas?

He's staying with
us for the moment.

I'll bring him over
to see you when...

When you're up to it.

Thank you.

Do you have any water?

Mmm-hmm.

Were you here to
visit me before?

A couple of times, yes.

I thought so.

Sorry, Jack. I didn't mean
to cause you all this bother.

Don't talk nonsense. You're
the one that's having the bother.

What I mean is, you don't
have to take care of me.

Well...

Who do you expect
to take care of you?

You know what
I'm trying to say.

But who else should
take care of you, but me?

You're my wife.

Technically.

Then I shall look
after you technically.

Jack, I have to know how
bad it is. They won't tell me.

Well, that's because
they're not sure themselves.

Please, Jack.

I don't know any
more than they do.

Before Douglas gets here,
I need to know.

They say you're going to die.

Yes. Thank you.

What do you say, Jack?
I'm a Jew.

I'm divorced. I'm broke.

And I'm dying of cancer.
Do you think I get a discount?

Oh, Joy.

Do you know
something, Jack?

Hmm?

You seem different.

You look at me properly now.

Didn't I before?

Not properly.

I don't want to lose you, Joy.

I don't want to be lost.

Nurse. Nurse!

Nurse!

Is this pain really necessary?

I'll fetch the doctor.

Good.

There we are. We'll... we'll
make another one tomorrow.

Now it's lights out?

No, I read in bed.

Got your book?

Here.

How long are you
allowed to read?

One chapter.

One chapter then, huh?

I want to be awake
when Jack gets back.

Well, that shouldn't
be long now.

He will say
good night, won't he?

Of course.

- Night-night.
- 'Night.

No change.

I promised Douglas
you'd say good night.

She's in hospital in London.

Apparently,
he goes up there every day.

It must have
hit him very hard.

It's thrown him
completely off balance.

A sad business.

Has he said anything to you?

- About her?
- Yeah.

No, nothing.

Oh!

Jack,
I'm so sorry about all this.

Yes. Yes, Christopher.
Thank you.

It's all come
too soon, you see.

Her affairs aren't in order, and...

What's going to happen
to Douglas, for example?

I suppose, his father?

No.

No, she wouldn't want that.

Because he drinks, you know,
and he's an alcoholic.

There must be other relatives.

I mean, it's not as if...

It's not as if what, Harry?

Well, she's your friend, of course.

But, well...

She's not family.

She's not my wife?

No, of course not.

No, of course not.
It's impossible.

It's unthinkable.

How could Joy be my wife?

I'd have to love her,
wouldn't I?

I'd have to care more for her

than for anyone else in this world.

I'd have to be suffering
the torments of the damned

at the prospect of losing her.

I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't know.

Nor did I, Harry.

It's growing in right here.

See? I got a new tooth.

That's great. How 'bout
that one on the bottom?

Remember?

Oh, yes.

Better take him home. I'll stay
a little longer. I'll catch the 8:40.

Right.

May we come in?

Ever had toasted
teacakes, Douglas?

No.

The secret's in the butter.
You've got to have so much

that it runs down your finger.

Shall we go and find some?

Put that tooth under your pillow.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- See you soon.
- Bye.

Come on.
The secret's in the butter.

You've got to have lots of butter.

- See you later.
- Yes.

Are you staying?

Yes, for a while.

I want to marry you, Joy.

I want to marry you
before God and the world.

Make an honest
woman out of me?

No, not you.

It's me who hasn't been honest.

Look what it takes
to make me see sense.

You think I've overdone it?

Please don't leave me, Joy.

You know, Jack,
back where I come from,

they have this quaint old custom.

Well, when a guy makes up his
mind to marry a girl, he asks her.

It's called proposing.

It's the same here.

Did I miss it?

Will you marry this foolish,
frightened old man,

who needs you more
than he can bear to say...

Who loves you even though
he hardly knows how?

Just this once.

We don't seem to have
had much time to talk.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

Your mother and I...

Why did we ever have to
come to this stupid country?

We were all right
where we were.

I told mum,
but she wouldn't listen.

Does my dad know she's sick?
Did anybody tell him?

Yes, he's been told.

It's sinking now. I don't care.

I know your mother's
talked to you about...

Yup.

Would that be
all right with you?

Yup.

It would make me happy, and I
think it would make her happy, too.

Okay.

I, Joy, take thee, Jack...

"...to have and to hold
from this day forward..."

...to have and to hold
from this day forward...

"...for better, for worse..."

...for better, for worse...

"...for richer, for poorer..."

...for richer, for poorer...

"...in sickness and in health..."

...in sickness and in health...

"...to love, cherish, and obey..."

...to love, cherish, and obey...

"...till death us do part."

...till death us do part.

The ring?

"With this ring, I thee wed."

With this ring, I thee wed.

"With my body, I thee worship."

With my body, I thee worship.

"And all my worldly
goods, I thee endow."

And all my worldly goods, I thee endow.

Those whom God hath joined
together, let no man put asunder.

Mr. Lewis?

Yes.

Peter Whistler.

Of course, yes. How are you?

Fine.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Funny the way things
work out, isn't it?

I've not noticed that they do.

You're probably right. Well.

"Fight me, I can take it."

What?

"Fight me, I can take it," you've...

Did I say that?

Yes.

Ah!

So what are you doing these days?

Teaching. Feel free
to give a hollow laugh.

No, I suspect you're a born teacher.

I do turn out to be quite good at it.

Good.

Your father's a teacher,
isn't he?

- Yes.
- Oh, yeah.

He died a few months ago.

I'm sorry.

I loved him very much.

Did he know that?

I think so.

I think he knew.

Yeah.

One has to say things.

The moment passes,
and then you're alone again.

Yes.

"We read to know
we're not alone."

That's what he said, wasn't it,
your father? I haven't forgotten.

Well.

Jack, what news?

Good news, I think, Harry.

Yes, good news.

I'm very glad, Jack.

Thank you, Christopher.
Thank you.

Christopher can scoff, but I know
how hard you've been praying.

And now, God is
answering your prayer.

That's not why I pray, Harry.
I pray because I can't help myself.

I pray because I'm helpless.
I pray because the need

flows out of me all the time,
waking and sleeping.

It doesn't change God.
It changes me.

He's got very little on his plate.

Doctor, how is she?

Well, I think you'd
better see for yourself.

I'll catch you up, sister.

Right, sir.

Watch.

Well.

Can you do more?

All right, come closer.

That's it.

Oh, dear!

How did I do?

It's not bad.
That's wonderful.

Wonderful.
Come sit down.

Wonderful.

So, does she have to stay here?

I see no reason why.

So long as the
remission continues.

How long is that?

Come on,
you can speak openly.

Could be months, could be weeks.

Why not years?

In such an advanced case
that would be unusual.

Well, we take what we can get.

Right.

How would you like to come home?

Jack, where's home?

What do you mean, "where's home?"
Oxford. My house. Our house.

We're married. Don't you remember?
Let's go and take her home.

Good.

Now, there's no need to worry
about me, Jack. I'll sort myself out.

Sort yourself out?
What do you mean?

New digs. No problem.

Do you want to?

It's as you wish, Jack.

I don't.

Right you are.

It's settled.

Douglas?

There. There.

Thanks, sweetheart.
Give me a kiss.

Okay. Good night.

Good night, mum.

Ready, Jack.

Here we are. Take
it slowly. That's it.

All right? That's it, not far.

Can we just sit down?
I need a lot of pauses.

- All right.
- All right.

Good. Up we go.

- It's good.
- Right.

Good.

Thank you, my love.

What for?

For all of it.

I think it's better if I lie down.

Wait. Move slowly. Hold it.

Here you are,
it's more comfortable.

- There.
- Good.

- All right.
- Good.

Yes, as I look at this room...

It strikes me, it is a bit
on the spartan side.

How long has it been your room?

Twenty-five years.

More, I suppose.

Have you ever
shared it with anyone?

No.

Feel strange?

Well, I'm not entirely
sure of the procedure.

Well, what do you usually do
when you go to bed, Jack?

Very much what you'd expect.

No, tell me. See, you
come in the door...

Then I draw the curtains.

Then I get out my pajamas.

From where?

Under the pillow.

And then what?

Then I hang my clothes
over the chair.

I clean my teeth, wash...

Kneel by the bed.

No, first I, turn back the bedclothes,
then I kneel by the bed,

pray, then I get into bed.

Like a little boy.

Is it?

What next?

Then I go to sleep.

On your back or on your side?

On my side.

Show me.

Good.

You do everything just the
way you always do it, Jack.

When you get to the last bit,
I'll be here, too.

That's the procedure.

What is the time?
Let's see.

6:00 any minute now.

Well, is somebody going to ring
a bell or something?

Yes, I believe a lot of people
ring a lot of bells.

First, they sing.

All right?

Jump! Jump!

Mad. They're raving
mad, all of them.

It's known as high spirits.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

Admit you're
glad I brought you.

It's pagan. It's vulgar. It's all
faintly silly, but it works.

Sunrise always works.

You have to hold it down.

So how do you want it to look?
Like that, right?

- Yeah.
- So describe that.

- Well,it's got lots of sunlight.
- Hello.

Then type it. Hi.

Hello, Douglas.

Jack, where did you say
the Golden Valley was?

Somewhere in Herefordshire,
I believe.

Douglas, your tea's ready.

All right, all right. Okay, so
remember what we talked about,

'cause it's important.
We'll finish this thing.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Where did you say it was?

Herefordshire, I believe.

And do you think it
still looks the same?

Oh, I very much doubt it.

You thought it was
heaven, didn't you?

I was only a child.

Let's go and look for it, Jack.

Hmm?

We never had a honeymoon.

Are you up to traveling?

It's not so far, is it?

I don't really know.
Where would we stay?

I don't know.
A small country hotel.

You happy?

Yes.

What kind of happy?

Just happy.

You know my kind of happy?

How stupid.

I always forget.
When you ask a question,

it means you have the answer
waiting. So go ahead, tell me.

No.

Come on.

No, I'm not telling you now.

What do I have to do?
I have to go to the lecture?

Yes, buy the book.

Well, it's a hotel,
and it's in the country.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jack.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes.

Well, will it do?

It's beautiful, Jack.

You seem to have
survived the journey.

Yes, but I could
use a drink.

Yeah, do they have
room service?

Room service?

I used to think that room service

was saying your prayers in bed.

Well, you can order
some prayers if you want.

I will take a gin and tonic.

What, now?

Sure, why not?

All right.

Honey.

You can use a telephone.

Where is it? Oh, yes, phone.

Room service.

Hello?

Yes, this is Mr.
Lewis in room number...

I'm sorry. I've forgotten
the number of the room...

I'm already in the room,
you see.

Oh, you do. Good.

Yes, a gin and tonic.

Gin and tonic.

Two gin and tonics. Two gins
and tonic, I should say.

Yes, I'm sorry.
Good. Thank you. Bye.

You don't like gin.

I'm afraid I panicked.

Come here.

The Golden Valley runs
along the river Dore.

Here, let me show
you on the map.

It runs from here to here.

Why "golden"?

It's a mistake, really.

The Welsh for "water" is "dwr"
which sounds like "d'or,"

the French for "golden."
It isn't golden at all. It's wet.

Where can one get a view of the valley?

I should go along here,

down to the junction here,

and turn left up
this little road.

That'll take you
up into the hills.

You know, I don't know
why we're doing this.

Yes, you do.

It probably won't be the same.

It'll all be changed or spoiled.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I think that was it.
Oh, no, I'm wrong.

The valley runs East-West,
doesn't it?

No idea.

You know we're there
already, of course?

Where?

There.

Oh, there, yes.

Well, that's it.

Well, we almost made it.

No, I don't want to be
somewhere else anymore.

Not waiting for
anything new to happen.

Not looking around the
next corner, nor the next hill.

Here now. That's enough.

That's your kind
of happy, isn't it?

Yes. Yes, it is.

It's not going to last, Jack.

We shouldn't
think about that now.

Let's not spoil
the time we have together.

It doesn't spoil it.

It makes it real.

Let me just say it before this
rain stops, and we go back.

What is there to say?

That I'm going to die

and I want to be
with you then, too.

The only way I can do that is if I'm
able to talk to you about it now.

I'll manage somehow.
Don't worry about me.

No, I think it can
be better than that.

I think it can be better
than just managing.

What I'm...
What I'm trying to say is that...

The pain then is part
of the happiness now.

That's the deal.

Yeah, that's good.

Don't go in the river. Yeah.

You've got it. That's good.

That's it.

Douglas, come in,
and get warm for a while.

I'm sorry, Jack.

She'll be better here.
No stairs to climb.

Can't you do something?

I'm afraid not.

Douglas, you couldn't go and
fetch the other pillow, could you?

Thank you, doctor.

See you tomorrow.
Night-night.

Good night, young man.

Thanks for coming, Eddie.

A lot of silly fuss, huh?

Good night.

Get over here.

Good night, Jack.
Be in tomorrow.

Come on.
Give me a hug.

You will remember it,
I know you will. It'll be hard.

Okay.

Remember what we talked about
because it's important, okay?

Okay?

Good night.

Good night, mummy.

Go straight to sleep.

Blast.

Here, it's all right. There.

God, I can't bear to see
you in pain like this.

It's all right, Jack.
It keeps me quiet.

When it gets close, you find out
whether you believe it or not, yes?

Don't you always say,
"real life hasn't begun yet"?

Jack, you better be right.

Still here?

Still here.

Go to bed. Get some sleep.

Soon.

I'm tired, Jack.

I want to rest.

I just don't want to leave you.

I don't want you to go.

Too much pain.

I know.

I don't know what to do, Joy.
You'll have to tell me what to do.

You have to let me go.

I'm not sure that I can.

Can't hear you.

You will take care of Douglas?

Of course.

He pretends not to mind.

- I know.
- Like you.

No more pretending, not anymore.

I've loved you so, Jack.

Don't talk, my love. Just rest.

My love, just rest.

Just rest.

I love you, Joy.
I love you so much.

You've made me so happy.

I didn't know I could be so happy.

You're the truest
person I've ever known.

Sweet Jesus, be with
my beloved wife, Joy.

Forgive me if I
love her too much.

Have mercy on us both.

"We, therefore, commit the body

"of thy servant, Joy,
to the elements,

"earth to earth,

"ashes to ashes,

"dust to dust."

This way, Douglas.

Thank God for your faith, Jack.

Because only faith makes any
sense of times like this. I know.

What's happening to me, Warnie?

I can't see her anymore.

Can't remember her face.

I expect it's shock.

I'm so afraid of
never seeing her again...

Of thinking that suffering
is just suffering, after all.

No cause, no purpose, no pattern.

I...

I don't know what
to tell you, Jack.

Nothing, there's nothing to say.

I know that now.

I've just come up against
a bit of experience, Warnie.

Experience is a brutal teacher,

but you learn. My God, you learn.

Sir, I really do think one or
two of us should have gone.

Certainly not, we
hardly knew the woman.

I haven't even seen him
for a couple of weeks.

I wouldn't say this to Jack,

but in the circumstances,
better sooner than later.

Is he taking it very hard?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Rupert, could we have a word
together out in the hall?

- Yes, sir.
- Evening, Jack.

Nice to see you, Jack.

Jack.

I wasn't going to come,
but then I thought I would.

Life must go on.

I don't know that it must,
Harry, but it certainly does.

I'm sorry, Jack.

Thank you, Christopher.

We're all deeply sorry, Jack.

Thank you, president.

Anything I can do?

Yes, just don't tell me it's
all for the best. That's all.

Only God knows why these
things have to happen, Jack.

God knows, but does God care?

Of course.

We see so little here.
We're not the creator.

No, we're the creatures, aren't we?

We're the... We're the rats in
the cosmic laboratory.

I've no doubt that the experiment
is for our own good,

but that still makes God the
vivisectionist, doesn't it?

- Jack...
- No!

It won't do.

This is a bloody awful mess,
and that's all there is to it.

I'm sorry, Harry.
I am sorry, Christopher.

I'm just not fit company
tonight. That's all.

- Jack.
- Yes?

Your grief is your own business.
Maybe you feel life is a mess.

Maybe it is.
But there's Douglas.

- What about Douglas?
- Talk to him.

I don't know what to say to him.

Just talk to him!

Hi.

Hi.

When my mother died,
I was your age.

I thought that
if I prayed for her

to get better and
if I really believed,

she'd get better.
Then, she wouldn't die.

But she did.

It doesn't work.

No, it doesn't work.

I don't care.

I loved your mother very much.

Perhaps I loved her too
much. She knew that.

She said to me, "is it worth it?"

Because she knew
what it would be like later.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?

I don't see why
she had to get sick.

No, nor me.

But you can't hold
on to things, Douglas.

You have to let them go.

Jack?

Mmm-hmm.

Do you believe in heaven?

Yes, I do.

I don't believe in heaven.

That's okay.

I sure would like
to see her again.

Me, too.

Hello, who are you?

Chadwick, sir.

You're my tutor this term.

Am I?

Chadwick. Right. Come up.

Chadwick, you say?

Yes, sir.

Sit down.

"We read to know we're not alone."

Do you think that is so?

Well, I hadn't thought
of it before like that, sir.

No, nor had I.

I suppose some people would say,

"we love to know we're not alone."

Would you?

Well, if you mean "falling in love,"
well, I haven't really.

I mean, I probably know
more about love from books

than from personal experience.

Go on. I'm listening.

Well, I don't think any
of us want to be alone.

Why love if losing
hurts so much?

I have no answers anymore,

only the life I've lived.

Twice in that life,

I've been given the choice.

As a boy,

and as a man.

The boy chose safety.

The man chooses suffering.

The pain now

is part of the happiness then.

That's the deal.