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Previously on Scream Queens...
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00:00:03,047 --> 00:00:05,454
PETE: Be careful. I'd really
like to kiss you again.
3
00:00:05,574 --> 00:00:07,575
I'm saving my energy
for Black Friday doorbusters
4
00:00:07,609 --> 00:00:08,843
tomorrow morning.
5
00:00:08,877 --> 00:00:10,011
I can prove that
you're the only person
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00:00:10,045 --> 00:00:12,661
in this room we know for a fact
is a murderer.
7
00:00:12,781 --> 00:00:14,249
How about you do the honors?
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00:00:14,283 --> 00:00:15,683
(knife whirring)
9
00:00:15,718 --> 00:00:17,352
Dinner is served.
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00:00:17,386 --> 00:00:19,120
(all screaming)
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CHANEL:
Oh, the holidays.
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00:00:24,779 --> 00:00:26,680
That festive time of yearwhere everyone's
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00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:28,348
decked outin their Christmas finest.
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00:00:28,383 --> 00:00:31,281
The season of joy
and love and presents
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00:00:31,401 --> 00:00:33,602
begins when the clockstrikes midnight.
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00:00:33,637 --> 00:00:35,778
Time, time, time
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00:00:35,898 --> 00:00:38,140
Ringing in the greatestnon-Chanelloween holiday
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00:00:38,175 --> 00:00:40,587
of the year: Black Friday.
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00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,020
"But Chanel", you're saying,
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00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:43,815
"I thought you got all yourclothing hand-delivered
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00:00:43,935 --> 00:00:45,700
by A-list designers."True.
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00:00:45,826 --> 00:00:48,695
But Black Friday isn't about me.
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00:00:48,729 --> 00:00:51,531
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00:00:51,565 --> 00:00:53,733
Black Friday is about buyingdeliberately cheap,
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00:00:53,768 --> 00:00:56,102
totally forgettableChristmas gifts for friends.
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00:00:56,137 --> 00:00:58,538
The obvious cheapness
of the gift makes them question
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00:00:58,572 --> 00:01:00,773
our friendshipand makes them way easier
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00:01:00,808 --> 00:01:02,175
to manipulateas they try desperately
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00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:03,243
to get back on my good side.
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00:01:03,277 --> 00:01:07,047
See what's become of me...
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Thank you, Chanel, thank you.
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All my possibilities...
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Is this black toilet paper?
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Yes. Merry Christmas,
Number Five.
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Then, once I've boughta crap gift that will undermine
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00:01:17,725 --> 00:01:19,025
their confidencein our friendship,
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00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:21,061
I reward myselfwith an amazing gift for me.
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00:01:21,095 --> 00:01:23,396
Amazing. A pair of mink
albino boy shorts.
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Purchased for me,
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00:01:25,066 --> 00:01:26,733
by me.
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00:01:28,536 --> 00:01:29,803
(slow-motion grunting)
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And there's trulyno better whale watching
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00:01:34,275 --> 00:01:36,576
than a good ol' Americandoorbuster.
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00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:38,545
You know, the kind thatprovides dangerous stampedes
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00:01:38,579 --> 00:01:40,613
that dominate YouTubefor at least a week
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00:01:40,648 --> 00:01:43,550
and make me laugh and laugh.
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00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,819
I bribe the dude who deals weedoff the loading dock
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to let me in a half hour early.
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00:01:48,255 --> 00:01:50,023
This really sends theminto a frenzy.
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00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:51,891
No!
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Torturing thesesoulless manatees
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00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:56,930
of senseless consumerismbrings me so much joy.
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00:01:56,964 --> 00:01:59,933
And isn't joy whatthe holiday season's all about?
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(all clamoring)
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00:02:05,765 --> 00:02:08,765
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00:02:10,416 --> 00:02:11,650
ZAYDAY:
At first I was like,
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"What a weird turkey."
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00:02:13,414 --> 00:02:15,382
And then it clicked.
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00:02:15,416 --> 00:02:19,049
Like... "Damn,
that's a head."
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00:02:19,169 --> 00:02:21,054
Yeah, I kn... I know.
It's very, very upsetting.
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00:02:21,088 --> 00:02:23,823
But then I noticed the smell.
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00:02:25,426 --> 00:02:27,460
And I'm like,
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00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:30,063
"Gigi's roast head
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00:02:30,097 --> 00:02:32,132
actually smells
kind of delicious."
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00:02:32,166 --> 00:02:33,433
Mm.
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00:02:34,802 --> 00:02:36,403
Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:02:36,437 --> 00:02:39,205
Where do you ladies
think you're going? We were just
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00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,242
served a roasted head
for Thanksgiving.
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00:02:42,276 --> 00:02:44,177
I mean, now
it's almost midnight.
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00:02:44,211 --> 00:02:46,946
Yeah. And you know what starts
at midnight? Black Friday.
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00:02:46,981 --> 00:02:48,648
That's why we're doorbusting.
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00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:50,550
No. You're not
going anywhere,
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00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:51,785
not until I get ahold
of the police.
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00:02:51,819 --> 00:02:54,621
Okay, at this point, who
cares if the police show up?
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00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,589
Chanel's right.
All they're gonna do
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00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:58,024
is look at Gigi's severed,
roasted head
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00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:00,260
and say that they have
no proof that it is in any way
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00:03:00,294 --> 00:03:01,895
related to the killings
at campus.
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00:03:01,929 --> 00:03:04,230
Shut up, Number Five.
When you agree with me,
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00:03:04,265 --> 00:03:06,299
it makes me question whether
I actually agree with me.
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00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,401
Plus, we're never gonna know
who cooked Gigi and put her head
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on that platter. Any one
of us could be the killer.
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00:03:11,105 --> 00:03:12,972
At one point or another
tonight, on this delightful
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00:03:13,007 --> 00:03:15,542
holiday evening, every
one of us was alone
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00:03:15,576 --> 00:03:17,279
and had access to that kitchen.
86
00:03:18,846 --> 00:03:20,413
Got to run, or we'll be late
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00:03:20,448 --> 00:03:22,215
for the midnight hippo
stampede at Walmart.
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00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:23,717
No, no, no.
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00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:26,720
You listen to me,
you little bitch.
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00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:28,521
I am gonna take this opportunity
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00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:31,925
to be the strong parental
influence you have never had.
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00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:33,860
You are gonna march
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00:03:33,894 --> 00:03:35,528
over to that sofa right now
94
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:36,930
and you're gonna sit down
95
00:03:36,964 --> 00:03:39,866
because you are in a time out.
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00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:43,303
(chuckles) I'm sorry. Did you
just put me on a time out?
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00:03:43,337 --> 00:03:46,072
You do realize
I'm not seven, right?
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00:03:46,107 --> 00:03:48,308
Let's review the facts,
shall we?
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00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:49,776
You have been utterly powerless
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00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,244
to protect us from e Red Devil.
101
00:03:51,278 --> 00:03:53,980
Hmm. Sort of a strange
coincidence, isn't it?
102
00:03:54,014 --> 00:03:56,383
Seeing as how your primary
motivation as dean
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00:03:56,417 --> 00:03:58,451
of this school has been
to shut down Kappa House.
104
00:03:58,486 --> 00:04:00,820
Well, behold how
badly you've failed.
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00:04:00,855 --> 00:04:02,655
Kappa House is alive
106
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:05,291
and well,
and it's your university
107
00:04:05,326 --> 00:04:07,227
that's been shut down.
108
00:04:07,261 --> 00:04:10,163
I think it's pretty safe to
assume that your career is over.
109
00:04:10,197 --> 00:04:11,531
Now, if you'll excuse us,
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00:04:11,565 --> 00:04:14,234
we're going to the mall
to exercise our patriotic right
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00:04:14,268 --> 00:04:16,870
to join hundreds of thousands
of our fellow
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00:04:16,904 --> 00:04:18,538
out-of-breath Americans
in sweatpants
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00:04:18,572 --> 00:04:20,940
as they make frenzied,
ill-thought-out purchases
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00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:24,844
of cheap, crappy garbage they
can't afford and don't need.
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00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:28,047
To deny us of that right
would be un-American.
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00:04:28,082 --> 00:04:29,549
Let's go, sluts.
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00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:31,317
Try not to murder
anyone else while we're gone,
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Dean Carpetmunsch.
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MAN: I want to know what
I'm being charged with.
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OFFICER:
You drove your pickup truck
121
00:04:43,197 --> 00:04:44,831
through the front window
of a Best Buy.
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00:04:44,865 --> 00:04:47,151
You killed or maimed
people. Let's go.
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00:04:48,602 --> 00:04:50,163
GRACE: Where do you think
his office is?
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00:04:51,072 --> 00:04:53,373
Detective!
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00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:54,728
We called to report
another murder
126
00:04:54,742 --> 00:04:56,142
but no one has come
to check about it yet.
127
00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:58,945
You know it's the busiest night
of a cop's year, right?
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00:04:58,979 --> 00:04:59,946
Every available man's
working the retail beat.
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00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:01,414
Well, what about you?
130
00:05:01,449 --> 00:05:03,350
My girlfriend was murdered.
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00:05:03,384 --> 00:05:04,684
The killer cut her head off
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00:05:04,718 --> 00:05:06,352
and tried to serve it to us
for Thanksgiving.
133
00:05:06,387 --> 00:05:08,154
Sounds awful,
134
00:05:08,189 --> 00:05:09,856
but I'd keep that to yourself.
135
00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:11,091
Pretty much always,
136
00:05:11,125 --> 00:05:14,160
the boyfriend's
the prime suspect.
137
00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,362
Oh. Well, I was
about to break up with her.
138
00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:18,031
I mean, she was driving me nuts.
139
00:05:18,065 --> 00:05:20,200
You're not really
helping yourself.
140
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:22,335
You guys are wasting your time
talking to me.
141
00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:23,503
I was just fired.
142
00:05:23,537 --> 00:05:25,605
They fired the entire
homicide department
143
00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:26,940
and the chief of police.
144
00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:28,808
Most of the uniformed cops
out there are working
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00:05:28,843 --> 00:05:31,444
on a volunteer basis because
they get backed up inside
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00:05:31,479 --> 00:05:33,379
if they don't
crack a few skulls every day.
147
00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:34,981
Okay, h-how can they
fire everyone?
148
00:05:35,015 --> 00:05:36,282
Well...
149
00:05:36,317 --> 00:05:38,752
the mayor got pretty pissed
that we had zero leads
150
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:39,853
on that whole Red Devil thing
151
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:41,921
and we spent our
budget for the month
152
00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:43,590
on the ghost hunting supplies.
153
00:05:43,624 --> 00:05:45,725
There's a killer on the loose
and you're telling us
154
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,660
this town has no police force?
155
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,296
Oh, oh, don't get
too worked up about it.
156
00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:51,131
They're interviewing
some tip-top candidates
157
00:05:51,165 --> 00:05:52,432
right now as we speak
158
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:54,200
to take over. And, uh,
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00:05:54,235 --> 00:05:57,370
I'm opening my own
interior design company.
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00:05:57,404 --> 00:05:59,472
So if any of you need some
161
00:05:59,507 --> 00:06:01,508
interiors designed...
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00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:03,276
It's always been my dream.
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00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:04,444
Well...
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00:06:04,478 --> 00:06:07,247
if you guys'll excuse me...
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00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:09,482
I got a lot more packing to do.
166
00:06:12,427 --> 00:06:14,721
Should I get Number Five a pair
of 99-cent brass studs
167
00:06:14,755 --> 00:06:17,791
that'll turn her earlobes green
and give her an infection
168
00:06:17,825 --> 00:06:20,226
or a pair of $1.99 danglies
169
00:06:20,261 --> 00:06:23,129
that'll get caught on her
sweater and tear her earholes?
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00:06:23,164 --> 00:06:24,697
Hmm. That's a really good
question.
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00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,299
Okay, you know what, you guys,
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I don't understand why you have
to get us the crappiest gifts
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00:06:28,369 --> 00:06:30,530
possible and then make sure
we know about it beforehand
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00:06:30,538 --> 00:06:32,605
just to ruin the surprise.
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00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,442
Um, hello? The surprise is that
you're getting anything at all.
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00:06:35,476 --> 00:06:36,609
You guys should be happy
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00:06:36,644 --> 00:06:38,111
you're even on my radar.
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00:06:38,145 --> 00:06:40,313
I think what Number Five is
trying to say is that since
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00:06:40,347 --> 00:06:42,382
we spent so much time and money
picking you out the perfect
180
00:06:42,416 --> 00:06:44,150
Chanel Classic Flap Crocodile
Jumbo Purse for you...
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00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:46,219
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:06:46,253 --> 00:06:49,422
You dumb bitches got me...
Chanel...
183
00:06:49,457 --> 00:06:51,457
a Chanel Classic
Flap Crocodile Purse?
184
00:06:51,492 --> 00:06:52,625
Oh, yeah.
185
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,060
That is bizarre.
I mean, that's like
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00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,595
bringing pineapples to Hawaii.
187
00:06:55,629 --> 00:06:57,230
You know Uncle Karl
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00:06:57,264 --> 00:06:59,766
gives me Chanel swag
for free, right?
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00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,635
So would you feel the need
to waste $13,000
190
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,437
buying me something
I already have?
191
00:07:04,472 --> 00:07:07,340
'Cause it's Christmas.
192
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:09,876
Oh, my God.
193
00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:12,212
Maybe I've got this
whole Black Friday thing wrong.
194
00:07:12,246 --> 00:07:13,513
Maybe instead of using
my disgusting wealth
195
00:07:13,547 --> 00:07:14,748
to buy my friends crap,
196
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:17,116
I should use my disgusting
wealth to buy my friends
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00:07:17,151 --> 00:07:19,152
things they would
actually enjoy.
198
00:07:20,588 --> 00:07:21,988
Come on, let's get out of here.
199
00:07:22,022 --> 00:07:23,389
Wait, w-where
are we going?
200
00:07:23,424 --> 00:07:24,958
To the Chrysler dealership
across the street.
201
00:07:24,992 --> 00:07:26,426
I'm buying us all
matching pink Jeeps.
202
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:27,927
Wait, what?
203
00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:29,395
Yes. It's gonna be so fun.
204
00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:30,597
We can take
our matching pink Jeeps
205
00:07:30,631 --> 00:07:32,165
on, like, an African safari
or something.
206
00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:33,767
How do we know that
they're gonna have
207
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,101
four identical pink Jeeps?
208
00:07:35,136 --> 00:07:37,003
Yeah, and how are we gonna
get the Jeeps to Africa?
209
00:07:37,037 --> 00:07:38,938
I mean, are we gonna ship
them or we gonna take a ferry?
210
00:07:38,973 --> 00:07:40,940
I don't know, Number Five, okay?
Stop poking holes
211
00:07:40,975 --> 00:07:42,809
in the pink Jeep idea, please,
and just accept the fact
212
00:07:42,843 --> 00:07:44,110
that I'm buying you all
pink Jeeps.
213
00:07:44,145 --> 00:07:46,613
Take the win,
Number Five. Geez!
214
00:07:48,415 --> 00:07:49,883
What time is it?
215
00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:51,484
Oh, my God.
The mall is deserted.
216
00:07:51,519 --> 00:07:52,752
We've been shopping
for, like, ever
217
00:07:52,787 --> 00:07:54,752
with no liquids or cotton balls.
218
00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:58,291
It's fine, we'll just
find an exit.
219
00:08:08,269 --> 00:08:09,769
Oh, no, we're locked in!
220
00:08:14,275 --> 00:08:15,775
Oh, as if, Number Five.
221
00:08:17,611 --> 00:08:19,145
(screaming)
222
00:08:20,447 --> 00:08:22,048
(screaming)
223
00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:28,555
Oh, my God...
224
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:30,773
This is all your fault,
Number Five!
225
00:08:36,797 --> 00:08:39,732
I'm coming to help you!
I'm gonna help you, Chanel!
226
00:08:39,767 --> 00:08:40,934
I'm gonna come and help you.
227
00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:42,402
Oh, no... look!
228
00:08:42,436 --> 00:08:44,904
(all scream)
229
00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:46,039
Wait, look.
230
00:08:46,907 --> 00:08:48,441
(gasping)
231
00:08:51,979 --> 00:08:53,213
Hurry!
232
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:55,915
(whimpering)
233
00:08:56,951 --> 00:08:58,952
I am Kappa president.
234
00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:13,800
All right, Munsch.
235
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:15,835
I guess it's finally
just me and you.
236
00:09:16,804 --> 00:09:19,038
(elevator whirring)
237
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,251
(elevator bell dings)
238
00:09:40,995 --> 00:09:43,863
Oh, go on and shoot me, hag.
It'll just make me
239
00:09:43,898 --> 00:09:47,469
young and skinny forever
and you'll still be old.
240
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:03,183
(shrieking, crying)
241
00:10:05,418 --> 00:10:07,420
Come on, finish me off,
242
00:10:07,455 --> 00:10:09,823
you shriveled, old crone!
243
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:27,040
DENISE:
Hold on, baby girl!
244
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:28,274
Freeze!
245
00:10:28,309 --> 00:10:29,342
First day
246
00:10:29,377 --> 00:10:31,377
on the job and I
caught a killer.
247
00:10:31,412 --> 00:10:33,012
(laughs)
248
00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:37,016
Ain't no way you're getting out
of this one, Zayday Williams.
249
00:10:37,051 --> 00:10:39,119
Wait, you have a gun?
250
00:10:39,153 --> 00:10:40,687
I sure do,
251
00:10:40,721 --> 00:10:43,022
'cause I am the new
chief of police
252
00:10:43,057 --> 00:10:44,891
in this town. Ow.
253
00:10:44,925 --> 00:10:47,961
They rest of the force got fired
'cause of gross incompetence
254
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:51,831
and they hired Denise Hemphill,
'cause clearly
255
00:10:51,866 --> 00:10:53,199
I'm the only one
256
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:55,168
with the sleuthin' skills
257
00:10:55,202 --> 00:10:56,202
to catch a s...
258
00:10:56,237 --> 00:10:57,971
Oh!
259
00:10:58,005 --> 00:10:59,973
Damn, he shot him!
260
00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,408
And he getting away!
261
00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:08,681
DENISE: Hey... oh! He... oh, he
knocked over that big ol' tree!
262
00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:12,252
Damn! Why didn't I shoot him
when I had the chance?
263
00:11:12,286 --> 00:11:14,821
I was just talking so much!
264
00:11:19,993 --> 00:11:21,934
Ladies of Kappa, I'm calling
this house meeting to order.
265
00:11:22,054 --> 00:11:24,588
How's your crossbow wound?
It's doing very well, thank you.
266
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:26,163
The arrow missed
all major arteries,
267
00:11:26,283 --> 00:11:28,760
and I'm currently rolling
on some sweet painkillers.
268
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,446
(sighs):
Sisters...
269
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,483
I think it's clear that
Dean Munsch is the killer.
270
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,952
Well, I'm not sure it's that clear at all.
It's clear.
271
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,746
Dean Munsch has been
after me and Kappa House
272
00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:38,589
as an institution since day one.
273
00:11:38,623 --> 00:11:41,525
And she was the only person who
knew we were going to the mall.
274
00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:43,594
She knew it would be the
perfect place to kill us all.
275
00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:44,962
That means Dean Munsch
has been orchestrating
276
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,764
every one of these attacks.
277
00:11:46,798 --> 00:11:47,965
Melanie Dorkus.
278
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,300
Deaf Taylor Swift.
279
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,434
That other security guard.
280
00:11:50,468 --> 00:11:51,468
Predatory Lez.
281
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:52,670
Roger and Dodger.
282
00:11:52,704 --> 00:11:54,438
Chad's irritating
armless friend.
283
00:11:54,472 --> 00:11:55,706
Candle-vlogger.
284
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:57,041
Black British Guy.
285
00:11:57,075 --> 00:11:58,842
Gigi.
Coney the Ice Cream Cone.
286
00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,344
White trash Mandy Greenwell.
287
00:12:00,378 --> 00:12:01,478
Ms. Bean.
288
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,480
Hold on.
You killed Ms. Bean.
289
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,215
I didn't turn on
the deep fryer, bitch!
290
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,483
Like it or not,
291
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,552
we're sisters, and Dean Munsch
is not gonna stop
292
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:09,954
until we're all dead and buried.
293
00:12:09,988 --> 00:12:11,388
We've tried going to the police,
294
00:12:11,423 --> 00:12:13,090
and they've proven
they cannot protect us.
295
00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,958
So it's time we deal
with this problem ourselves.
296
00:12:14,993 --> 00:12:16,660
I sort of feel like we've
already been doing that.
297
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,962
What exactly are you proposing?
298
00:12:18,997 --> 00:12:20,731
The only way
we're gonna stop the murders
299
00:12:20,765 --> 00:12:22,601
is by killing Dean Munsch.
300
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:26,403
No.
301
00:12:26,438 --> 00:12:27,705
No way.
302
00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:29,106
Come on, guys,
303
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,274
this is insane.
304
00:12:30,308 --> 00:12:32,409
No, Zayday, it isn't.
305
00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,112
Chanel...
306
00:12:36,192 --> 00:12:38,248
I can honestly say
that, for once,
307
00:12:38,283 --> 00:12:39,683
I actually agree with you.
308
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,318
I also think that Dean Munsch
309
00:12:41,353 --> 00:12:43,153
is the killer.
Thank you,
310
00:12:43,188 --> 00:12:45,622
talking pumpkin.
311
00:12:45,657 --> 00:12:46,991
I have been talking all year
312
00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:49,360
about how I want this house
to become a true sisterhood.
313
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,694
I've always had this vision
314
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,630
of a band of sisters
who stand together
315
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:55,065
like an impenetrable community
of shields who kept everyone
316
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,134
safe and secure.
But sometimes
317
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:59,103
playing defense isn't enough.
318
00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:02,740
Sometimes, instead of shields,
we need swords.
319
00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:04,241
And sometimes to maintain
320
00:13:04,276 --> 00:13:07,044
a strong sisterhood...
a sister has to cross a line
321
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,679
she never thought
she could cross.
322
00:13:08,713 --> 00:13:10,714
The time has come
for me to ask myself,
323
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,549
for all of us to ask ourselves,
324
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,852
how much this house and
the girls in it mean to us.
325
00:13:14,886 --> 00:13:16,920
No one is going to help us.
326
00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:20,491
No one is going to stop this
until we are all dead.
327
00:13:20,525 --> 00:13:21,759
It's up to us.
328
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:24,862
And I'm willing to do
whatever it takes to stop her.
329
00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:26,430
Dean Munsch has to die.
330
00:13:26,464 --> 00:13:27,665
What?!
331
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:30,234
Well, I'm sorry, but she is
a vindictive, amoral woman
332
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,769
who no one is gonna miss.
333
00:13:31,803 --> 00:13:34,405
HESTER:
The question is, how?
334
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,007
How do we murder Dean Munsch?
335
00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:39,009
BOTH:
I say we poison her.
336
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,614
Well, then...
337
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,050
I guess it's settled.
338
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:55,826
This meeting
of the Dickie Dollar Scholars
339
00:13:55,861 --> 00:13:57,461
is now called to order.
340
00:13:57,495 --> 00:13:59,763
Uh, Chad? I have no idea
what I'm doing here.
341
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,632
Hold up. Earl Grey has
to read the minutes
342
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,068
from last week's meeting.
343
00:14:04,102 --> 00:14:05,836
(sighs heavily):
That's right.
344
00:14:05,871 --> 00:14:08,138
Earl Grey was murdered.
345
00:14:10,709 --> 00:14:12,409
(sighs)
346
00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:16,513
All right, Pete,
you got the floor.
347
00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:18,415
Uh, thanks. Uh... wh...
348
00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:20,284
why did you bring me here?
349
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,887
Well, Pete,
as you may or may not know,
350
00:14:22,921 --> 00:14:25,356
my best friend Boone
was murdered.
351
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,991
So we're here, reading his will.
352
00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,859
Okay, but what does that
have to do with me?
353
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:31,862
"I, Boone Clemens, in the event
of my untimely passing,
354
00:14:31,897 --> 00:14:33,964
"do solemnly bequeath
the following:
355
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,833
"My awesome Johnny Cash poster,
356
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:37,601
"where he's biting his lip
and giving everyone the finger
357
00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:40,538
"because you know he
just don't care about nothin'...
358
00:14:40,572 --> 00:14:42,673
"to Pete Martinez.
359
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,642
Wh-What?!
"My awesome Xbox,
360
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,377
"with the Kinect thing
that I haven't figured out
361
00:14:46,411 --> 00:14:49,146
"how to hook it up but I hear is
so friggin' awesome when you do
362
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,481
to Pete Martinez."
363
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,815
Doesn't make any sense.
I... (mutters)
364
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:55,119
Please! Stop interrupting
my dead gay friend Boone!
365
00:14:55,153 --> 00:14:56,820
(sighs)
366
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,623
"My HBO Go password
to Pete Martinez.
367
00:14:59,658 --> 00:15:02,226
"The shoebox under my bed that's
filled with bottles of lube
368
00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:04,395
"to Pete Martinez.
My buttplug,
369
00:15:04,429 --> 00:15:07,409
with the beautiful blue jewel
on the business end..."
370
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,467
"...to Pete Martinez."
371
00:15:10,502 --> 00:15:12,469
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on. This is insane.
372
00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:14,238
I barely even knew the guy.
373
00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:15,906
Pete Martinez...
374
00:15:16,439 --> 00:15:18,540
you got some 'splainin' to do.
375
00:15:18,574 --> 00:15:20,041
There's no explaining, okay?
376
00:15:20,076 --> 00:15:21,743
Clearly, the guy was crazy.
377
00:15:21,777 --> 00:15:23,044
Were you and Boone
secret gay lovers?!
378
00:15:23,079 --> 00:15:24,646
Did you ever do it in my bed?
379
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,448
Because if you did,
we about to get real.
380
00:15:26,482 --> 00:15:28,216
No, w-we were not lovers!
381
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,651
You do not bequeath a shoebox
382
00:15:29,685 --> 00:15:30,719
full of lube
383
00:15:30,753 --> 00:15:31,953
to an acquaintance,
Pete Martinez!
384
00:15:31,987 --> 00:15:33,154
He was my source!
385
00:15:33,189 --> 00:15:34,789
He was my source.
386
00:15:34,824 --> 00:15:37,659
Okay? He was my eyes and ears
387
00:15:37,693 --> 00:15:39,661
inside Greek system
at this school.
388
00:15:39,695 --> 00:15:41,996
When I decided to study
the history of Kappa Kappa Tau,
389
00:15:42,031 --> 00:15:44,779
I went to him...
he was my Deep Throat.
390
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:46,733
So you were gay lovers?
391
00:15:46,782 --> 00:15:48,516
No, we were not gay lovers.
392
00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,385
Okay, look,
I didn't tell anyone,
393
00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:52,420
'cause I didn't want
to blow his cover,
394
00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:53,722
nor mine, for that matter.
395
00:15:53,756 --> 00:15:55,090
I'm an investigative journalist.
396
00:15:55,124 --> 00:15:57,592
Okay, secret friend of Boone,
397
00:15:57,627 --> 00:16:00,428
and possible gay lover,
that explains a lot,
398
00:16:00,463 --> 00:16:01,544
but it does not explain all.
399
00:16:01,564 --> 00:16:03,064
And it kind of reminds
me of the time,
400
00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:05,500
last year, when you tried
to join the Dollar Scholars
401
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:07,636
despite having no experience
with caddying,
402
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:10,939
and not even a rudimentary
knowledge of the game of golf.
403
00:16:10,973 --> 00:16:12,974
So... why do you want to be
404
00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:15,911
a Dickie Dollar Scholar?
405
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:17,245
Well, you know,
I really love the idea
406
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,580
of a bunch of guys
from different backgrounds
407
00:16:18,614 --> 00:16:20,048
(slurping)
getting together and forming
408
00:16:20,082 --> 00:16:22,184
a brotherhood for life.
409
00:16:22,218 --> 00:16:24,219
But you've never
actually played golf.
410
00:16:24,253 --> 00:16:26,655
Um... no.
411
00:16:26,689 --> 00:16:27,756
Have you ever been
to a driving range?
412
00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:29,724
Yeah. You know, once, for lunch.
413
00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:31,893
What sort of ab regimen
are you rocking, bro?
414
00:16:31,928 --> 00:16:33,428
Sit-ups.
Okay...
415
00:16:33,463 --> 00:16:35,063
how many John Mayer
albums do you own?
416
00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:37,632
I don't own any John Mayer albums.
Look, I'm gonna
417
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,167
be honest with you...
you're the worst
418
00:16:39,202 --> 00:16:41,322
Dickie Dollar Scholar
pledge candidate I've ever seen.
419
00:16:41,337 --> 00:16:42,737
Worst.
You don't know anything about golf,
420
00:16:42,772 --> 00:16:44,652
and you don't even own
John Mayer's debut album,
421
00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:46,274
Room for Squares...
which makes a lot of sense,
422
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,276
'cause given the fact
that you don't even have
423
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:51,012
a rad ab routine...
your body, Pete Martinez,
424
00:16:51,047 --> 00:16:53,016
is not a wonderland.
425
00:16:53,516 --> 00:16:55,217
I think it
really chapped your hide,
426
00:16:55,251 --> 00:16:57,152
not becoming a Dickie Dollar
Scholar that day.
427
00:16:57,186 --> 00:16:59,254
I think it chapped
your hide so much
428
00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:02,224
that you started stalking
my sort of hot,
429
00:17:02,258 --> 00:17:03,725
sort of girlfriend Chanel,
430
00:17:03,759 --> 00:17:06,094
for a full year.
Well, I'm gonna
431
00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:07,662
let you in on a little secret.
432
00:17:07,697 --> 00:17:09,531
You stalking the chick
I was tappin'...
433
00:17:09,565 --> 00:17:12,400
even though I was tappin'
a ton of other chicks, too...
434
00:17:12,435 --> 00:17:14,569
that really chapped my hide.
435
00:17:14,604 --> 00:17:15,937
Well, then...
I guess the fact
436
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:17,839
that you and I cannot
stand one another
437
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:19,241
is finally out in the open.
438
00:17:19,275 --> 00:17:22,077
Oh, it's way, way out
in the open, jefe.
439
00:17:23,746 --> 00:17:25,080
(scoffs)
440
00:17:25,114 --> 00:17:28,316
So I'm gonna make a proposal.
441
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,318
I'm inviting you to join
442
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,688
the Dickie Dollar Scholars.
443
00:17:33,723 --> 00:17:35,857
What?
I mean, any secret friend
444
00:17:35,892 --> 00:17:37,526
and possible gay
lover of Boone...
445
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,227
(scoffs) is a friend of mine.
446
00:17:39,262 --> 00:17:41,630
Mmm... no.
447
00:17:41,664 --> 00:17:43,031
I'm sorry, what?
448
00:17:43,065 --> 00:17:44,332
First of all,
you're right...
449
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,327
I don't know anything
there is to know about golf.
450
00:17:46,335 --> 00:17:49,171
Second... (scoffing chuckle)
fraternities suck.
451
00:17:49,205 --> 00:17:51,072
I know this now,
and I'm so happy
452
00:17:51,107 --> 00:17:52,941
I never joined one
in the first place.
453
00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:55,944
They're cruel, elitist,
and probably the reason why
454
00:17:55,978 --> 00:17:58,396
there's a serial killer on this
campus in the first place.
455
00:17:58,516 --> 00:18:00,941
So no, Chad, I'm not gonna join your stupid
456
00:18:01,061 --> 00:18:02,313
Dickie Dollar Scholars.
457
00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:03,908
Thanks, anyway.
458
00:18:04,248 --> 00:18:05,648
Name your weapon.
459
00:18:05,683 --> 00:18:07,508
What?
What'll it be?
460
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,751
Sabres?
461
00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:10,386
Dueling pistols?
462
00:18:10,421 --> 00:18:12,649
Dude, what are you
even talking about?
463
00:18:13,924 --> 00:18:16,025
Well, it's a longstanding
Dickie Dollar tradition that,
464
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:18,561
if you're offered membership
in the Dickie Dollar Scholars,
465
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:21,965
and you refuse membership
in the Dickie Dollar Scholars...
466
00:18:21,999 --> 00:18:24,033
you must duel.
467
00:18:24,068 --> 00:18:26,002
So pick your weapon.
468
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:29,773
You can choose sabres,
guns, baseball bats,
469
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:32,342
small pebbles, spoons...
470
00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:34,077
doesn't matter to me.
471
00:18:34,111 --> 00:18:35,745
What does matter...
472
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:37,781
is that we will fight...
473
00:18:37,815 --> 00:18:40,250
and we will fight to the death.
Thanks, dude,
474
00:18:40,284 --> 00:18:42,385
but... not interested.
475
00:18:42,419 --> 00:18:44,087
Walking away from a duel means
476
00:18:44,121 --> 00:18:45,922
you are forfeiting your
life, would-be brother.
477
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,892
You will get murdered,
Pete Martinez.
478
00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,628
Murdered to death.
479
00:18:55,481 --> 00:18:59,049
Well, I am sorry that
took so long, but, you know,
480
00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:01,170
a watched pot never boils.
481
00:19:01,204 --> 00:19:02,538
GRACE:
Uh... Sanka?
482
00:19:02,572 --> 00:19:04,907
Yes. Did you know
that the word "sanka"
483
00:19:04,941 --> 00:19:07,543
is derived from the French
"sans caf?ine"?
484
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:09,879
Dean Munsch, first let me
say how honored we are
485
00:19:09,913 --> 00:19:12,664
that you've invited us into
your hideously furnished home.
486
00:19:15,077 --> 00:19:16,077
What do you want, Chanel?
487
00:19:16,086 --> 00:19:19,021
Well, now that there's no one
else around to compare you to,
488
00:19:19,055 --> 00:19:21,724
we've realized that you are
kind of an amazing woman.
489
00:19:21,758 --> 00:19:23,359
Like all of
the unsolicited advice
490
00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,561
you give us is actually
really valuable.
491
00:19:25,595 --> 00:19:27,530
We understand that
as millennial feminists...
492
00:19:27,564 --> 00:19:28,998
W-Wait a minute.
493
00:19:29,032 --> 00:19:30,966
That's a thing?
494
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:32,201
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
495
00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:34,203
Yeah.
Being a millennial feminist
496
00:19:34,237 --> 00:19:35,805
means growing up listening
to Taylor Swift say
497
00:19:35,839 --> 00:19:38,908
she doesn't like to think of the
world as boys versus girls.
498
00:19:38,942 --> 00:19:40,376
Yes, and then graduating
499
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:41,977
and entering the workforce,
only to realize
500
00:19:42,012 --> 00:19:44,747
that you make 20% less than men
for doing the same job.
501
00:19:44,781 --> 00:19:46,515
That's not what feminism
was about.
502
00:19:46,549 --> 00:19:48,767
You see?
We don't know.
503
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:49,919
And we want to learn.
504
00:19:49,953 --> 00:19:51,554
All this...
505
00:19:51,588 --> 00:19:53,556
killing has really, um,
shown us the importance
506
00:19:53,590 --> 00:19:56,258
of sisterhood... you know,
um, how crucial it is
507
00:19:56,293 --> 00:19:58,494
for women to join together.
508
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:00,963
Wh-Which is
why we're pleased
509
00:20:00,997 --> 00:20:03,032
to announce that this
is the first meeting
510
00:20:03,066 --> 00:20:04,967
of the Wallace U. Campus
Feminist Collective.
511
00:20:05,001 --> 00:20:06,268
Yay!
(chuckles)
512
00:20:15,078 --> 00:20:16,545
W-Wait a minute.
513
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:19,298
Is... is this apple cider?
514
00:20:19,916 --> 00:20:21,917
How did you know
that was my favorite?
515
00:20:21,952 --> 00:20:23,752
CHANEL #3: How come all the
pictures on the wall are selfies?
516
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:26,188
Does she not have any friends?
CHANEL: Shut up, ho-bag. We're looking
517
00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:28,190
for clues about how to trick her
into drinking poison.
518
00:20:28,225 --> 00:20:30,292
Wait. Look at her status.
519
00:20:30,327 --> 00:20:33,562
"Just waiting for my next
delicious cup of apple cider.
520
00:20:33,597 --> 00:20:35,664
It's my favorite."
521
00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:39,568
(sniffing)
522
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:42,404
Oh, it smells amazing.
523
00:20:42,439 --> 00:20:43,439
You know, as an educator,
524
00:20:43,473 --> 00:20:45,474
you just never know...
525
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:47,343
if you're reaching
your students.
526
00:20:47,377 --> 00:20:50,100
Girls, I'm...
I'm really touched.
527
00:20:50,647 --> 00:20:52,004
To feminism.
528
00:20:52,616 --> 00:20:54,316
(jars clack)
529
00:20:54,351 --> 00:20:57,019
And what feminism...
means to me...
530
00:20:57,053 --> 00:20:59,288
(sloshing)
531
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:07,730
CHANEL: Where did you getpuffer fish venom?
532
00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:08,797
From my puffer fish.
533
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,432
Wait. How do we know
how much to put in?
534
00:21:10,467 --> 00:21:12,434
I heard a drop is enough
to kill a man instantly.
535
00:21:12,469 --> 00:21:14,336
Better put in the whole thing,
just to be sure.
536
00:21:14,371 --> 00:21:15,905
I want to be there
when she dies.
537
00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:30,219
(laughs):
Oh, wow!
538
00:21:30,253 --> 00:21:31,954
That's bliss!
539
00:21:31,988 --> 00:21:34,089
So, where do we begin?
540
00:21:34,124 --> 00:21:35,925
I interned at Ms. magazine.
541
00:21:35,959 --> 00:21:37,560
(echoing):
And, oh, remind me,
542
00:21:37,594 --> 00:21:39,962
I want to show you both
the original
543
00:21:39,996 --> 00:21:42,164
Ms. magazine cover...
(distorting unintelligibly)
544
00:21:42,199 --> 00:21:44,967
(Munsch continues,
echoing unintelligibly)
545
00:21:45,001 --> 00:21:47,169
(echoing):
It was the beginning...
546
00:21:47,204 --> 00:21:48,771
(Munsch continues,
unintelligibly)
547
00:21:48,805 --> 00:21:49,905
That woman...
548
00:21:49,940 --> 00:21:51,474
(speaking clearly):
was Susan Sontag.
549
00:21:51,508 --> 00:21:52,475
And that band
550
00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:54,844
was Baman-Turner
Overdrive.
551
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:56,712
Wow! Girls...
552
00:21:56,746 --> 00:21:58,347
this cider...
553
00:21:58,381 --> 00:22:00,149
Is it... is it homemade?
554
00:22:00,183 --> 00:22:01,851
Yep. Yeah.
Because, you know,
555
00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:04,687
I'm getting some notes...
um... it's a spice.
556
00:22:04,721 --> 00:22:06,021
Is it nutmeg?
557
00:22:06,056 --> 00:22:07,089
(gasps)
558
00:22:11,127 --> 00:22:13,262
(burps)
559
00:22:13,296 --> 00:22:15,297
(laughing):
Well, yes.
560
00:22:15,299 --> 00:22:18,467
Absolutely nutmeg. Excusez-moi.
561
00:22:18,502 --> 00:22:21,270
Girls, since you have
no other classes,
562
00:22:21,304 --> 00:22:24,006
I am going to ask
that you write 10,000 words
563
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,408
on the militant suffragette
movement
564
00:22:26,443 --> 00:22:30,779
as expressed in the WSPU
hunger strikes of 1912.
565
00:22:30,814 --> 00:22:32,948
Thanks, girls. Bottoms up.
566
00:22:32,983 --> 00:22:35,184
(Munsch gulping)
567
00:22:35,218 --> 00:22:38,420
There was enough poison in there
to kill three Dean Munsches.
568
00:22:38,422 --> 00:22:39,889
It makes no sense.
569
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,658
And now I have to write
a stupid term paper.
570
00:22:42,692 --> 00:22:45,361
Maybe this was a blessing.
You're not a killer, Grace.
571
00:22:45,395 --> 00:22:48,434
Of course I'm not.
I am like a soldier at war.
572
00:22:48,554 --> 00:22:50,522
I am killing
to stop more killing.
573
00:22:50,556 --> 00:22:51,990
It's totally justified.
574
00:22:52,024 --> 00:22:53,258
But you're not a soldier,
575
00:22:53,292 --> 00:22:54,959
and these aren't the beaches
of Normandy.
576
00:22:54,994 --> 00:22:56,694
This is Wallace University
in 2015,
577
00:22:56,729 --> 00:22:59,731
- and killing Dean Munsch
is against the law. - Okay.
578
00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:01,132
But what about moral law?
579
00:23:01,167 --> 00:23:04,068
What if I didn't do anything
when I know I could
580
00:23:04,103 --> 00:23:05,937
and then...
581
00:23:05,971 --> 00:23:08,339
and then Dean Munsch killed you?
582
00:23:08,374 --> 00:23:10,775
Oh, that would be hard for you?
583
00:23:10,809 --> 00:23:13,211
Uh, yeah,
that would be hard for me.
584
00:23:13,245 --> 00:23:14,512
Obviously.
585
00:23:15,881 --> 00:23:17,248
(chuckles)
586
00:23:19,118 --> 00:23:21,419
Oh, uh...
(chuckles)
587
00:23:21,454 --> 00:23:23,087
I have to tell you something.
588
00:23:23,122 --> 00:23:25,223
Okay.
So,
589
00:23:25,257 --> 00:23:28,793
Chad Radwell invited me to join
the Dickie Dollar Scholars.
590
00:23:28,828 --> 00:23:30,462
Why? You don't play golf.
591
00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:32,063
I don't do anything
they do there.
592
00:23:32,097 --> 00:23:35,066
I don't "rage" on Tuesday nights
or have competitions
593
00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:37,969
- about how many girls
I can have sex with in one day. - Ugh.
594
00:23:38,003 --> 00:23:40,038
Sometimes I kind of side
with the Red Devil.
595
00:23:40,072 --> 00:23:44,309
I mean, he's cleaning
all the mess and filth
596
00:23:44,343 --> 00:23:48,213
of this place in a way
no dean or expos? ever could.
597
00:23:49,515 --> 00:23:51,082
I, I... I-I'm sorry. That...
598
00:23:51,116 --> 00:23:52,517
came out wrong. Uh...
599
00:23:52,551 --> 00:23:54,486
(stammers)
What I'm trying
600
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,888
to say is guys join fraternities
601
00:23:56,922 --> 00:23:58,890
to get a sense of structure
in their lives.
602
00:23:58,924 --> 00:24:01,226
Problem is the structure
they're buying into
603
00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:04,095
is-is antiquated. It's...
604
00:24:04,129 --> 00:24:07,932
misogynistic and hierarchical
and dangerous.
605
00:24:07,967 --> 00:24:09,734
I have structure.
606
00:24:09,768 --> 00:24:13,071
I have my work at the paper,
607
00:24:13,105 --> 00:24:16,241
my dreams of working
at Slate.com,
608
00:24:16,275 --> 00:24:18,476
and I have you.
609
00:24:18,511 --> 00:24:20,912
And that's all you need?
610
00:24:20,946 --> 00:24:22,647
That's all I need.
611
00:24:22,681 --> 00:24:24,649
Hmm.
Hmm.
612
00:24:24,683 --> 00:24:26,684
(gentle chuckle)
613
00:24:29,955 --> 00:24:31,389
(pants)
614
00:24:31,424 --> 00:24:33,124
(quietly): Let's do this.
(sighs)
615
00:24:33,159 --> 00:24:35,160
Grace...
616
00:24:35,194 --> 00:24:36,895
I love you.
617
00:24:36,929 --> 00:24:39,230
I-I... I don't know.
618
00:24:39,265 --> 00:24:40,398
I mean, I want to.
619
00:24:40,433 --> 00:24:42,167
You know that. I really do.
I just, um...
620
00:24:42,201 --> 00:24:44,936
I don't think I'm in the
right headspace right now.
621
00:24:44,970 --> 00:24:47,272
Okay.
622
00:24:47,306 --> 00:24:49,641
You're worth the wait.
623
00:24:58,084 --> 00:25:01,686
You know, maybe after
we kill De Munsch.
624
00:25:02,655 --> 00:25:05,423
No... no, Grace...
What?
625
00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:07,425
you can't do this.
626
00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:09,894
Justified or not,
you're not a killer.
627
00:25:09,929 --> 00:25:12,897
You're a rare breed,
one of the true good guys.
628
00:25:12,932 --> 00:25:15,500
Even if Dean Munsch
is the Red Devil
629
00:25:15,534 --> 00:25:17,035
and you kill her,
then she may lose,
630
00:25:17,069 --> 00:25:19,037
but this house wins.
631
00:25:19,071 --> 00:25:20,905
The worst parts of this house,
632
00:25:20,940 --> 00:25:24,642
the parts you have been fighting
so hard to get rid of.
633
00:25:24,677 --> 00:25:27,145
And if you kill her,
you will become
634
00:25:27,179 --> 00:25:28,813
those parts.
635
00:25:28,848 --> 00:25:31,483
And that...
636
00:25:31,517 --> 00:25:34,019
would break my heart.
637
00:25:37,590 --> 00:25:39,591
(sighs)
638
00:25:54,384 --> 00:25:55,745
CHANEL: All right, ladies,I want updates.
639
00:25:55,865 --> 00:25:57,332
We poisoned Dean Munsch
several hours ago.
640
00:25:57,366 --> 00:25:59,167
She should have checked
into an emergency room by now.
641
00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:01,302
The woman at Zionist Memorial
Hospital said they only admitted
642
00:26:01,337 --> 00:26:03,104
one person to the ER all night,
but it was some dude
643
00:26:03,139 --> 00:26:05,059
who needed help getting a LEGO
figure out of his rectum.
644
00:26:05,179 --> 00:26:06,318
What an idiot.
645
00:26:07,212 --> 00:26:08,746
It was Chad Radwell.
646
00:26:08,780 --> 00:26:10,547
What?
The nurse said he told her
647
00:26:10,582 --> 00:26:11,548
he usually does
his nightly nude yoga
648
00:26:11,583 --> 00:26:12,816
before he sets a perimeter
649
00:26:12,851 --> 00:26:14,651
of LEGO characters to guard
his bed while he sleeps,
650
00:26:14,686 --> 00:26:16,987
but this time he decided
to do it after
651
00:26:17,021 --> 00:26:19,797
and accidentally sat
on LEGO Captain Jack Sparrow.
652
00:26:19,831 --> 00:26:22,166
That's the weirdest explanation
for anything I've ever heard.
653
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,201
Damn it! So, clearly,
it's impossible
654
00:26:24,236 --> 00:26:25,803
to poison Dean Munsch
because she has some weird
655
00:26:25,837 --> 00:26:28,339
buzzard gull that can
safely digest anything!
656
00:26:28,373 --> 00:26:30,441
We need to think of new ways
to kill her!
657
00:26:30,475 --> 00:26:32,877
No. I'm not doing this.
658
00:26:32,911 --> 00:26:34,345
What? Two hours ago,
659
00:26:34,379 --> 00:26:35,880
you were like, "Let's poison the bitch!"
Well,
660
00:26:35,914 --> 00:26:37,281
I had a change of heart.
661
00:26:37,315 --> 00:26:39,350
Look, I still think she's
most likely the killer,
662
00:26:39,384 --> 00:26:41,685
but all the evidence
against her is circumstantial.
663
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,120
We still don't
have a smoking gun,
664
00:26:43,154 --> 00:26:44,588
and if we decide to kill
her without an overabundance
665
00:26:44,623 --> 00:26:46,624
of proof, we are no better
than the Red Devil.
666
00:26:46,658 --> 00:26:48,659
Who, yes, is
probably Dean Munsch.
667
00:26:48,693 --> 00:26:50,854
All those in favor of kicking
Grace out of Kappa House?
668
00:26:51,530 --> 00:26:53,397
What? No.
669
00:26:53,431 --> 00:26:54,632
You can't do that.
670
00:26:54,666 --> 00:26:55,966
That's not in the house rules.
671
00:26:56,001 --> 00:26:56,967
All those in favor
672
00:26:57,002 --> 00:26:58,522
of temporarily changing
the house rules
673
00:26:58,537 --> 00:27:00,257
so that I can kick Grace out
of Kappa House?
674
00:27:02,841 --> 00:27:05,242
Sorry, Jack Skellington.
You're out.
675
00:27:05,277 --> 00:27:06,577
Fine.
676
00:27:06,611 --> 00:27:09,280
It was really great getting
to know all of you.
677
00:27:09,314 --> 00:27:10,781
I'm really gonna cherish
our time here together.
678
00:27:10,815 --> 00:27:12,583
Come on, Zayday, let's go.
679
00:27:12,617 --> 00:27:14,418
Grace, I'm not coming with you.
680
00:27:14,453 --> 00:27:17,187
I love you to death and
we'll be friends forever, but...
681
00:27:17,222 --> 00:27:18,956
I think Chanel is right.
682
00:27:18,990 --> 00:27:21,292
Killing is wrong,
but, under this circumstance,
683
00:27:21,326 --> 00:27:22,893
I don't know what
other choice we have.
684
00:27:22,928 --> 00:27:24,695
It's pretty obvious
she's the killer,
685
00:27:24,729 --> 00:27:27,164
and she's not gonna stop
until every one of us is dead.
686
00:27:27,199 --> 00:27:29,767
Grace, I'm sorry.
687
00:27:29,801 --> 00:27:33,904
But I think you were right
the first time.
688
00:27:33,939 --> 00:27:35,139
I hate to say it,
689
00:27:35,173 --> 00:27:37,093
but killing Dean Munsch
is the right thing to do.
690
00:27:38,109 --> 00:27:40,144
(scoffs)
691
00:27:42,881 --> 00:27:44,915
CHANEL:
Hold on, sluts.
692
00:27:47,486 --> 00:27:49,620
I've got it.
693
00:27:49,654 --> 00:27:51,155
Hey.
Hey.
694
00:27:51,189 --> 00:27:52,490
Gracie,
695
00:27:52,524 --> 00:27:53,424
come on in.
I just wanted
696
00:27:53,458 --> 00:27:55,025
to see how you were doing.
697
00:27:55,060 --> 00:27:56,861
I would guess it's
probably pretty traumatizing
698
00:27:56,895 --> 00:27:59,196
to be served your girlfriend's
head for Thanksgiving dinner.
699
00:27:59,231 --> 00:28:00,364
So, uh,
700
00:28:00,398 --> 00:28:01,298
what are you doing?
701
00:28:01,333 --> 00:28:02,633
Well, just doing some research.
702
00:28:02,667 --> 00:28:04,235
You're not gonna believe
what we found.
703
00:28:04,269 --> 00:28:05,035
(door opens)
"We"?
704
00:28:05,070 --> 00:28:06,036
Hey, Grace.
705
00:28:06,071 --> 00:28:07,304
Uh, wait, I'm sorry,
706
00:28:07,339 --> 00:28:08,772
are you guys, like, friends now
707
00:28:08,807 --> 00:28:09,874
or something?
I just needed
708
00:28:09,908 --> 00:28:11,208
your dad to go
through all the info
709
00:28:11,243 --> 00:28:13,477
in my Gigi file, see
if he could illuminate anything.
710
00:28:13,512 --> 00:28:14,378
And...?
711
00:28:14,412 --> 00:28:15,713
Well...
712
00:28:15,747 --> 00:28:17,114
nothing. I mean,
713
00:28:17,149 --> 00:28:21,051
Gigi never really shared
anything about herself with me.
714
00:28:21,086 --> 00:28:24,522
In fact,
now that I think about it,
715
00:28:24,556 --> 00:28:27,024
I knew basically nothing
about her.
716
00:28:27,058 --> 00:28:28,692
I actually thought
717
00:28:28,727 --> 00:28:32,429
her last name was Caldwellt,
with a "T" at the end.
718
00:28:32,464 --> 00:28:35,633
Which it wasn't.
But it wasn't Caldwell either.
719
00:28:35,667 --> 00:28:38,068
You know how we decided that
she was the Hag of Shady Lane?
720
00:28:38,103 --> 00:28:39,603
Well, I figured
that that must mean
721
00:28:39,638 --> 00:28:41,405
that she was the fourth girl
in the bathroom that night,
722
00:28:41,439 --> 00:28:42,560
the one who took the babies.
723
00:28:42,574 --> 00:28:45,042
Which means she would have to be
724
00:28:45,076 --> 00:28:46,710
one of the last two names
725
00:28:46,745 --> 00:28:48,112
on the list
from Dean Munsch's office.
726
00:28:48,146 --> 00:28:50,581
And I finally got
the mental institution
727
00:28:50,615 --> 00:28:52,616
to release
her intake paperwork, and...
728
00:28:52,651 --> 00:28:55,619
guess what name she was
admitted under... Jess Meyer.
729
00:28:55,654 --> 00:28:57,454
So she was the fourth
girl in the bathroom.
730
00:28:57,489 --> 00:28:59,456
That's not what the file says.
You see,
731
00:28:59,491 --> 00:29:01,792
the psychiatrist report says
that she was diagnosed
732
00:29:01,827 --> 00:29:04,595
with having a mental breakdown
after her sister Amy
733
00:29:04,629 --> 00:29:06,097
committed suicide
734
00:29:06,131 --> 00:29:08,065
just a few months earlier.
Gigi's sister
735
00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:10,067
was the one who took the babies
that night.
736
00:29:10,101 --> 00:29:12,536
And she tried to raise them
for herself for a short while,
737
00:29:12,571 --> 00:29:16,207
but... the stress and guilt
was too much for her to handle.
738
00:29:16,241 --> 00:29:18,709
So Gigi raised those
babies to be killers
739
00:29:18,743 --> 00:29:21,045
to get revenge on Kappa
and the people responsible
740
00:29:21,079 --> 00:29:22,446
for the death of her sister.
741
00:29:22,481 --> 00:29:23,848
Wow, Dad,
742
00:29:23,882 --> 00:29:26,584
first Mom, then Gigi...
you sure can pick 'em.
743
00:29:28,253 --> 00:29:30,387
Okay. Well, um,
744
00:29:30,422 --> 00:29:32,189
I'm going to go,
745
00:29:32,224 --> 00:29:34,592
because I have enough info
to start writing my story.
746
00:29:34,626 --> 00:29:37,661
I just need to know who the
killer is so I have an ending.
747
00:29:37,696 --> 00:29:40,364
I'm gonna take off.
748
00:29:40,398 --> 00:29:43,033
Okay.
749
00:29:43,068 --> 00:29:44,702
Bye.
750
00:29:44,736 --> 00:29:45,903
Bye.
751
00:29:45,937 --> 00:29:46,971
See you, bud.
752
00:29:47,005 --> 00:29:48,739
(door shuts)
753
00:29:48,773 --> 00:29:51,642
So, how are you really doing?
754
00:29:51,676 --> 00:29:53,644
Look, I know she was a liar
755
00:29:53,678 --> 00:29:55,779
and spent almost 20 years
raising and training
756
00:29:55,814 --> 00:29:58,115
these innocent children
to become mass murderers,
757
00:29:58,150 --> 00:30:00,451
but I also really liked her.
758
00:30:00,485 --> 00:30:02,453
She thought I was cool.
759
00:30:02,487 --> 00:30:04,989
You know?
She liked my playlists.
760
00:30:05,023 --> 00:30:06,991
And I believe
761
00:30:07,025 --> 00:30:09,994
that even though everything else
was a lie
762
00:30:10,028 --> 00:30:12,496
that she really liked
my playlists.
763
00:30:12,531 --> 00:30:15,132
Aw, she did, Dad.
I'm sure she did.
764
00:30:15,167 --> 00:30:16,600
Um, anyway...
765
00:30:16,635 --> 00:30:18,636
(clears throat)
how are you?
766
00:30:18,670 --> 00:30:20,905
Hmm?
(chuckles) I'm fine.
767
00:30:20,939 --> 00:30:24,008
Pete? Actually,
I think Pete
768
00:30:24,042 --> 00:30:25,409
is a really nice guy.
769
00:30:25,444 --> 00:30:28,179
Okay, I know I'm going to sound
like such a dork,
770
00:30:28,213 --> 00:30:29,413
but, nowadays,
771
00:30:29,448 --> 00:30:31,081
there's a certain expectation
772
00:30:31,116 --> 00:30:33,584
when you have a boyfriend.
Mm-hmm.
773
00:30:33,618 --> 00:30:34,919
You know, with...
Yep. I know.
774
00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:36,720
There's...
No, no, no. Please don't...
775
00:30:36,755 --> 00:30:38,455
- I understand what you're saying.
Just don't say anything else. - You... oh...
776
00:30:38,490 --> 00:30:41,759
These are those moments
I wish your mom was still alive.
777
00:30:41,793 --> 00:30:43,294
I mean, not your actual mom.
She would have...
778
00:30:43,328 --> 00:30:45,129
she would have told you
to fake being pregnant
779
00:30:45,130 --> 00:30:47,490
and then had him give you money
for fake morning-after pills
780
00:30:47,607 --> 00:30:49,618
and sleep with his friends
to make him jealous.
781
00:30:50,836 --> 00:30:53,471
A real mom
to help you with this.
782
00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:55,473
Maybe I can...
783
00:30:55,507 --> 00:30:57,508
make you a playlist about it?
784
00:30:57,542 --> 00:30:59,377
No, Dad, come on.
785
00:30:59,411 --> 00:31:01,812
I need you right now.
786
00:31:01,847 --> 00:31:03,447
Here's what I think.
787
00:31:03,482 --> 00:31:05,249
When I was your age,
788
00:31:05,283 --> 00:31:07,384
I was thoughtless about sex.
789
00:31:07,419 --> 00:31:09,520
So thoughtless
that I fathered twins
790
00:31:09,554 --> 00:31:11,589
with a girl whose name
I can't remember,
791
00:31:11,623 --> 00:31:13,390
and those twins grew up
792
00:31:13,425 --> 00:31:15,393
to murder a bunch of people.
793
00:31:15,427 --> 00:31:18,329
Now, I know that that might seem
794
00:31:18,363 --> 00:31:20,998
like an extreme consequence
of teen sex,
795
00:31:21,032 --> 00:31:22,900
but the lesson remains the same.
796
00:31:22,934 --> 00:31:25,035
Honey...
797
00:31:25,070 --> 00:31:27,705
if you don't think you're ready,
you probably aren't.
798
00:31:27,739 --> 00:31:29,440
And if you aren't,
799
00:31:29,474 --> 00:31:32,643
well, then no good can come
from doing it, anyway.
800
00:31:36,647 --> 00:31:39,016
The main thing is you have
to be perfectly dry.
801
00:31:39,050 --> 00:31:41,419
The cryosauna is set
to 200 degrees below zero,
802
00:31:41,453 --> 00:31:43,421
so any water on your skin
will freeze instantly.
803
00:31:43,455 --> 00:31:46,090
Well, I'm just so
excited about this.
804
00:31:46,124 --> 00:31:47,925
I follow Jennifer
Grey on Instagram,
805
00:31:47,959 --> 00:31:49,860
and she raves about cryo.
806
00:31:49,895 --> 00:31:50,861
Oh, I swear by it.
807
00:31:50,896 --> 00:31:52,530
20 to 30 minutes
in the cryosauna
808
00:31:52,564 --> 00:31:54,465
and I feel better.
My skin's glowing.
809
00:31:54,499 --> 00:31:56,267
It's amazing for arthritis
and lupus.
810
00:31:56,301 --> 00:31:57,735
So, who wants to go first?
811
00:31:57,769 --> 00:32:01,172
Dean Munsch? I always say,
age before beauty. (chuckles)
812
00:32:01,206 --> 00:32:03,340
Well, thank you very much.
813
00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:05,343
Um, okay.
814
00:32:05,377 --> 00:32:07,545
Wish me luck, girls.
815
00:32:10,715 --> 00:32:13,951
Oh, wow, isn't it beautiful?
816
00:32:13,985 --> 00:32:16,053
Oh, and it's not as cold
as I thought it would be.
817
00:32:16,088 --> 00:32:17,088
Mm-mm.
818
00:32:17,122 --> 00:32:19,256
Well...
819
00:32:19,291 --> 00:32:21,559
Okay.
820
00:32:27,399 --> 00:32:29,166
(sighs)
821
00:32:29,201 --> 00:32:32,269
See you on the other side.
822
00:32:35,173 --> 00:32:36,674
(keypad blips)
823
00:32:44,349 --> 00:32:46,050
Number three, guard the door.
Don't let anybody in.
824
00:32:46,084 --> 00:32:47,785
Dean Munsch will be dead
in ten minutes.
825
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,061
(ticking)
826
00:32:57,095 --> 00:32:59,397
How come there hasn't been
any screaming?
827
00:32:59,431 --> 00:33:03,100
Yeah. She hasn't even tried to
break down the door or anything.
828
00:33:03,135 --> 00:33:06,237
'Cause Dean Munsch has
frozen to death, idiots.
829
00:33:06,271 --> 00:33:07,838
If she tried to
break the door down,
830
00:33:07,873 --> 00:33:09,306
her arms would snap off.
831
00:33:09,341 --> 00:33:11,308
Geez. There's a little movie
called Terminator
832
00:33:11,343 --> 00:33:12,710
you girls might want
to consider watching.
833
00:33:12,744 --> 00:33:15,513
- Number Six, you
got the body bag? - Check.
834
00:33:15,547 --> 00:33:16,914
Okay, the car's idling out back.
835
00:33:16,948 --> 00:33:18,716
We pull bitch Popsicle
from the freezer,
836
00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:20,270
throw her in the trunk
and make tracks.
837
00:33:22,220 --> 00:33:25,089
(door whooshing open)
838
00:33:29,461 --> 00:33:33,397
Oh, my God, she looks terrible.
839
00:33:36,601 --> 00:33:37,868
(gasping)
840
00:33:37,903 --> 00:33:39,537
I've never felt better.
841
00:33:40,939 --> 00:33:43,240
All right, girls, who's next?
842
00:33:52,291 --> 00:33:54,525
(groans, sighs)
(phone ringing)
843
00:33:59,398 --> 00:34:01,332
What do you want?
844
00:34:01,367 --> 00:34:02,884
I can't.
845
00:34:03,130 --> 00:34:05,465
'Cause I'm leaving campus,
just like you should.
846
00:34:05,499 --> 00:34:07,800
No, we need to get away
while we still can.
847
00:34:07,835 --> 00:34:10,370
Hey, hey, it's enough.
The point has been made.
848
00:34:10,404 --> 00:34:12,872
Why do you want to continue
taking this any further?
849
00:34:12,906 --> 00:34:15,108
Yes, I feel guilty!
850
00:34:15,142 --> 00:34:17,043
'Cause it's not who I am!
851
00:34:17,077 --> 00:34:19,112
Listen to me.
852
00:34:19,146 --> 00:34:22,548
Don't you ever call me again.
853
00:34:33,827 --> 00:34:37,396
(doors creaking open)
854
00:34:37,431 --> 00:34:39,932
(sighs)
855
00:34:41,702 --> 00:34:43,669
CHANEL:
Okay, you incompetent
856
00:34:43,704 --> 00:34:46,939
heifers, I need to know
it's physically possible
857
00:34:46,974 --> 00:34:50,510
for Dean Munsch to have survived
27 minutes in a cryochamber
858
00:34:50,544 --> 00:34:52,879
set to negative 200
degrees below zero.
859
00:34:52,913 --> 00:34:54,781
Zayday, go.
860
00:34:54,815 --> 00:34:56,015
I heard about
these Buddhist Monks
861
00:34:56,050 --> 00:34:57,283
that found a way to meditate,
862
00:34:57,317 --> 00:34:58,951
so they can sit
outside all night,
863
00:34:58,986 --> 00:35:00,820
way, way up
in the Himalayas in weather
864
00:35:00,854 --> 00:35:02,688
that would kill a normal person,
865
00:35:02,723 --> 00:35:04,724
but their core temperature
stays totally normal.
866
00:35:04,758 --> 00:35:06,826
So, you think
Dean Munsch studied meditation
867
00:35:06,860 --> 00:35:09,629
with Buddhist monks
in the Himalayas?
868
00:35:09,663 --> 00:35:11,297
That's what I said, wasn't it?
869
00:35:11,332 --> 00:35:13,766
Number Five, go.
870
00:35:13,801 --> 00:35:15,902
So, I saw
this documentary once about
871
00:35:15,936 --> 00:35:17,337
this high schooler
who could grow
872
00:35:17,371 --> 00:35:19,439
all this really thick hair
all over his body,
873
00:35:19,473 --> 00:35:21,307
if he concentrated
really, really hard on it.
874
00:35:21,342 --> 00:35:23,209
And maybe Dean Munsch
can do that, too.
875
00:35:23,243 --> 00:35:24,844
I mean, this kid was,
like, amazing.
876
00:35:24,878 --> 00:35:26,713
Like, he won this high school
basketball championship
877
00:35:26,747 --> 00:35:28,281
singlehanded...
878
00:35:28,315 --> 00:35:30,984
You're thinking of the movie
Teen Wolf, you brainless gash,
879
00:35:31,018 --> 00:35:32,418
which is not, in fact,
a documentary!
880
00:35:32,453 --> 00:35:34,821
HESTER: Maybe Dean
Munsch is like Rasputin.
881
00:35:34,855 --> 00:35:36,522
Like what?!
882
00:35:36,557 --> 00:35:37,991
Uh, Rasputin.
883
00:35:38,025 --> 00:35:39,492
He was a mystical
Russian peasant
884
00:35:39,526 --> 00:35:40,960
who became a close advisor
885
00:35:40,995 --> 00:35:42,796
of Tsar Nicholas II
because he could magically
886
00:35:42,830 --> 00:35:45,231
cure Prince Alexei
of his hemophilia.
887
00:35:45,265 --> 00:35:46,985
Okay, this seems
totally not germane to what
888
00:35:47,001 --> 00:35:49,135
we're talking about, so can we
please just skip ahead...?
889
00:35:49,169 --> 00:35:51,104
No! Listen!
890
00:35:51,138 --> 00:35:54,006
Rasputin gained more and
more power with the Tsarina,
891
00:35:54,041 --> 00:35:56,676
so, a group of conspirators
invited Rasputin to dinner
892
00:35:56,710 --> 00:35:59,145
so that they could give him
a cup of poisoned wine.
893
00:35:59,179 --> 00:36:02,949
But when Rasputin drank the
entire bottle of poisoned wine,
894
00:36:02,983 --> 00:36:06,286
it had no effect on him, except
just making him burp a lot.
895
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,288
So one of the plotters
freaked out and took a pistol
896
00:36:09,323 --> 00:36:11,057
right in Rasputin's
chest and shot him.
897
00:36:11,091 --> 00:36:12,058
But it did nothing,
898
00:36:12,092 --> 00:36:13,459
except just made him scream,
899
00:36:13,494 --> 00:36:14,961
along with the burping.
900
00:36:14,995 --> 00:36:16,429
So they shot him
again... nothing!
901
00:36:16,463 --> 00:36:18,765
And then, they shot him in
the head. Still nothing!
902
00:36:18,799 --> 00:36:19,932
Rasputin
903
00:36:19,967 --> 00:36:21,634
wouldn't die.
904
00:36:21,669 --> 00:36:24,003
They decided to just take a club
and start beating him
905
00:36:24,038 --> 00:36:25,571
until finally,
906
00:36:25,606 --> 00:36:26,806
Rasputin stopped moving.
907
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,908
They cut off his genitalia,
wrapped him in a rug
908
00:36:28,942 --> 00:36:31,244
and threw him into an icy river.
909
00:36:31,278 --> 00:36:34,047
Two days later, when
they found the body
910
00:36:34,081 --> 00:36:38,551
floating downstream,
Rasputin's nails were gone!
911
00:36:38,585 --> 00:36:40,353
He tried clawing himself
(high-pitched scratching)
912
00:36:40,387 --> 00:36:41,387
out of the ice.
913
00:36:41,422 --> 00:36:43,856
In the end, he drowned.
914
00:36:43,891 --> 00:36:44,924
Maybe she has some
915
00:36:44,958 --> 00:36:46,859
magical powers that
make her unable
916
00:36:46,894 --> 00:36:48,461
to die, like some
horror movie villain,
917
00:36:48,495 --> 00:36:50,296
like Michael Myers, or
Jason, or Dr. Giggles.
918
00:36:50,331 --> 00:36:52,298
Hold on.
919
00:36:52,333 --> 00:36:54,100
I just thought of something.
920
00:36:54,134 --> 00:36:56,869
I was gonna wait
to give you guys these
921
00:36:56,904 --> 00:36:59,860
to celebrate another
successful Black Friday.
922
00:37:02,740 --> 00:37:04,110
But now I have another idea.
923
00:37:04,144 --> 00:37:07,280
They're brand-new
smartphones.
924
00:37:07,314 --> 00:37:09,182
And keep them on
you at all times.
925
00:37:09,216 --> 00:37:10,850
I like the phone I already have.
926
00:37:10,884 --> 00:37:12,218
These phones are better!
Trust me!
927
00:37:12,252 --> 00:37:13,820
I already activated each phone,
928
00:37:13,854 --> 00:37:16,222
so when I call you, the edge
will silently flash a color.
929
00:37:16,257 --> 00:37:17,357
In this case, red.
930
00:37:17,391 --> 00:37:19,726
Now, when you see the edge
go red,
931
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,194
don't even pick up.
932
00:37:21,228 --> 00:37:23,329
Just quietly head down
to the university pool.
933
00:37:23,364 --> 00:37:25,865
I'll lure Dean Munsch there
by asking her to meet me alone,
934
00:37:25,900 --> 00:37:27,900
and then, right before
she can murder me,
935
00:37:27,935 --> 00:37:30,937
we'll drown the bitch,
just like Rasputin.
936
00:37:30,971 --> 00:37:33,973
Got it? Good.
937
00:37:35,843 --> 00:37:37,477
Hi. Excuse me?
938
00:37:37,511 --> 00:37:40,179
So, I'm gonna need all
of these to be a size zero.
939
00:37:40,214 --> 00:37:42,148
Oh. Well, they all should come
in a size zero.
940
00:37:42,182 --> 00:37:45,351
Okay, but I'm gonna need these
to be a size zero,
941
00:37:45,386 --> 00:37:46,386
and right now,
they're a size four.
942
00:37:46,420 --> 00:37:48,688
So, maybe try on a size zero.
943
00:37:48,722 --> 00:37:49,923
Okay, I'm not gonna try on
the size zero
944
00:37:49,957 --> 00:37:51,190
because I won't fit
into the size zero.
945
00:37:51,225 --> 00:37:52,325
I fit into the size four,
but I'm not gonna
946
00:37:52,359 --> 00:37:53,693
leave the store
with a bunch of size fours.
947
00:37:53,727 --> 00:37:55,395
I'm gonna leave the store
with a bunch of size zeroes.
948
00:37:55,429 --> 00:37:57,263
I really don't know
what you're asking me to do.
949
00:37:57,298 --> 00:37:59,732
I'm sorry, but do you realize
how rude you're being?
950
00:37:59,767 --> 00:38:01,801
You have no right
to treat our friend like that.
951
00:38:01,835 --> 00:38:03,937
I-I just don't know
what you're asking. I...
952
00:38:03,971 --> 00:38:05,939
Okay, what I am asking you to do
953
00:38:05,973 --> 00:38:08,107
is to take all the tags
off of the size zeroes
954
00:38:08,142 --> 00:38:10,310
and put them onto the size fours
so that I can leave
955
00:38:10,344 --> 00:38:12,345
this establishment with what
I came for, which is a bunch
956
00:38:12,379 --> 00:38:14,080
of size zero garments
of a sexy lingerie nature!
957
00:38:14,114 --> 00:38:15,815
I don't think I can do that.
958
00:38:15,849 --> 00:38:16,916
HESTER:
You can't?
959
00:38:16,951 --> 00:38:18,318
Can't do what?
Your job?
960
00:38:18,352 --> 00:38:19,586
(phone buzzing) One second away from
calling the police.
961
00:38:19,620 --> 00:38:20,920
This is discrimination!
962
00:38:20,955 --> 00:38:22,255
'Cause at this point, this
is a civil rights issue.
963
00:38:22,289 --> 00:38:23,590
You're not letting us shop?
How dare you?!
964
00:38:23,624 --> 00:38:25,325
What rights issue?
Make her happy! She has nothing.
965
00:38:25,359 --> 00:38:26,960
She's a terrible person.
She's trying to block a friend of ours?
966
00:38:26,994 --> 00:38:29,514
Look at her. Give her something.
Give her something to be happy!
967
00:38:34,194 --> 00:38:37,211
Come on, what is wrong
with these idiots?!
968
00:38:38,364 --> 00:38:41,246
(gasps) Oh. Hi.
969
00:38:41,366 --> 00:38:42,142
Hello, Chanel.
970
00:38:42,262 --> 00:38:44,248
Why did you ask me
to meet you here?
971
00:38:44,368 --> 00:38:48,172
And why are you carrying a bag
clearly filled with chains?
972
00:38:48,207 --> 00:38:51,943
Um... bondage.
973
00:38:54,213 --> 00:38:56,347
Bondage?
974
00:38:56,382 --> 00:38:58,282
Yeah, I-I thought
for this week's
975
00:38:58,317 --> 00:39:00,852
Campus Feminist Collective,
we could talk
976
00:39:00,886 --> 00:39:03,955
about the rise of S&M
in contemporary literature.
977
00:39:03,989 --> 00:39:06,591
I thought you might have
a few words to say on it.
978
00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:08,292
About bondage?
979
00:39:08,327 --> 00:39:09,327
Mm-hmm.
980
00:39:12,268 --> 00:39:14,665
Well...
981
00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:17,935
where is everybody?
982
00:39:18,980 --> 00:39:20,637
Actually, I don't know.
983
00:39:20,757 --> 00:39:23,608
Do you think maybe it's because
984
00:39:23,642 --> 00:39:25,861
there's a serial killer
on the loose,
985
00:39:25,981 --> 00:39:27,578
and the entire campus
986
00:39:27,613 --> 00:39:30,515
has been evacuated?
987
00:39:30,549 --> 00:39:32,950
See, now I'm feeling
really stupid
988
00:39:32,985 --> 00:39:36,521
because I'm just
remembering that.
989
00:39:38,190 --> 00:39:41,993
Well, it's, uh...
it's a shame.
990
00:39:45,264 --> 00:39:48,166
Because I have quite a lot
to say on the matter.
991
00:39:49,735 --> 00:39:53,538
One more thing.
992
00:39:53,572 --> 00:39:57,175
Why did you want
the Campus Feminists
993
00:39:57,209 --> 00:40:00,211
to meet at a pool?
994
00:40:00,245 --> 00:40:03,181
I thought we could talk about
bondage and... go for a swim.
995
00:40:03,215 --> 00:40:04,649
Hmm.
996
00:40:05,684 --> 00:40:08,386
Yeah.
997
00:40:14,193 --> 00:40:15,626
(footsteps departing)
998
00:40:29,408 --> 00:40:32,076
CHANEL: The sheer levelof idiocy and ineptitude
999
00:40:32,111 --> 00:40:34,011
inside this sororityhas reached a level
1000
00:40:34,046 --> 00:40:35,647
that can no longer be tolerated.
1001
00:40:35,681 --> 00:40:37,315
I am goingto write the missive...
1002
00:40:37,349 --> 00:40:38,316
(knuckles cracking)
1003
00:40:38,350 --> 00:40:39,784
...to end all missives.
(sighs)
1004
00:40:39,818 --> 00:40:42,420
These morons need someoneto tear them a new one.
1005
00:40:42,454 --> 00:40:45,757
"Dear Kappa sisters..."
1006
00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:48,326
And that someone is named "me."
1007
00:40:50,062 --> 00:40:52,063
(crickets chirping)
1008
00:40:55,067 --> 00:40:57,068
PETE:
Be right there.
1009
00:40:58,570 --> 00:41:00,571
Oh. Hey.
1010
00:41:00,606 --> 00:41:02,240
Hey.
1011
00:41:03,742 --> 00:41:06,010
You're all packed up.
1012
00:41:06,045 --> 00:41:08,913
I thought you were staying
until you cracked the case.
1013
00:41:08,947 --> 00:41:10,448
Oh, yeah. No, no, no,
uh... totally.
1014
00:41:10,482 --> 00:41:12,417
I was just gonna go
to the woods and...
1015
00:41:12,451 --> 00:41:14,686
and write or something,
like-like-like Thoreau, but
1016
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:15,687
with WiFi.
1017
00:41:15,721 --> 00:41:17,488
Oh. Um, were you gonna
1018
00:41:17,523 --> 00:41:19,190
come say good-bye
and tell me that?
1019
00:41:19,224 --> 00:41:22,460
I mean, maybe I
could come with you.
1020
00:41:22,494 --> 00:41:24,262
Might be kind of
romantic, you know?
1021
00:41:24,296 --> 00:41:26,864
Being all alone,
out in the woods.
1022
00:41:26,899 --> 00:41:30,535
A sexy little cabin,
a fireplace...
1023
00:41:30,569 --> 00:41:32,370
I could bring a slow cooker,
1024
00:41:32,404 --> 00:41:35,340
and we could talk about the case
all night over short ribs...?
1025
00:41:35,374 --> 00:41:37,141
Mmm.
1026
00:41:37,176 --> 00:41:39,143
Well, I do love short ribs.
1027
00:41:39,178 --> 00:41:40,378
Mmm!
1028
00:41:40,412 --> 00:41:42,413
Mmm.
1029
00:41:49,021 --> 00:41:50,988
What is this?
1030
00:41:51,023 --> 00:41:52,990
I'm ready.
1031
00:41:53,025 --> 00:41:56,928
I want to,
and I want to with you.
1032
00:41:56,962 --> 00:42:01,065
Look, I-I don't know if
we'll be together forever,
1033
00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:04,569
or even how long
forever is gonna be,
1034
00:42:04,603 --> 00:42:07,038
considering we're being
hunted down one by one, but...
1035
00:42:07,072 --> 00:42:08,906
no matter what, I know
1036
00:42:08,941 --> 00:42:12,110
I'll always be able to say that
my first was with a great,
1037
00:42:12,144 --> 00:42:13,678
great, great guy.
1038
00:42:13,712 --> 00:42:16,080
(groans) I'm-I'm...
I'm not that great.
1039
00:42:16,115 --> 00:42:17,415
(sighs)
1040
00:42:17,449 --> 00:42:19,017
I'm-I'm, I'm sorry.
1041
00:42:19,051 --> 00:42:21,953
Um, I don't understand.
1042
00:42:23,311 --> 00:42:26,591
Um... are you listening to me?
1043
00:42:26,625 --> 00:42:29,027
I want this.
1044
00:42:29,061 --> 00:42:30,962
I want you.
1045
00:42:30,996 --> 00:42:33,064
I am a sentient grown woman
1046
00:42:33,098 --> 00:42:35,199
who has been through
hell the past few weeks,
1047
00:42:35,234 --> 00:42:37,502
and I'm sitting
next to you, now,
1048
00:42:37,536 --> 00:42:39,604
with open eyes
and an open heart,
1049
00:42:39,638 --> 00:42:42,273
telling you that I want
to give myself to you,
1050
00:42:42,307 --> 00:42:43,508
Pete Martinez.
No, no.
1051
00:42:43,542 --> 00:42:45,209
Grace, you don't even know me.
1052
00:42:45,244 --> 00:42:46,344
Of course I know you!
1053
00:42:46,378 --> 00:42:48,246
Why would you say that?
What is going on?
1054
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,549
Pete? Why not, Pete? Why?
1055
00:42:51,583 --> 00:42:54,852
Pete, I... I-I love you.
1056
00:42:54,887 --> 00:42:57,055
I can't.
1057
00:42:57,089 --> 00:42:58,389
(sighs) Because...
1058
00:43:00,619 --> 00:43:03,150
I don't want your first time
to be with a murderer.
1059
00:43:03,184 --> 00:43:07,353
1060
00:43:07,403 --> 00:43:11,953
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